Any Similarity to Actual Ponies Is Purely Intentional
View Online
Any Similarity to Actual Ponies Is Purely Intentional
The land of Chiroptria isn’t all that different from the land we know and call home. It’s made up of dozens of different cities and towns – some big; some small – filled with hard-working, friendly citizens. But unlike the cities we live in, these cities are located mostly in caves and trees. There are no roads – all travel takes place through the air. That’s because the residents of Chiroptria are bats.
There are no ponies in the land of Chiroptria. Instead, bats are the dominant species – talking, sapient bats, all with their own likes, dislikes, and personalities. They live on a diet of fruit and insects – maybe they suck a little blood on special occasions, but only from animals that are treated with the utmost care and safety. And yes, I know that in our world, bats that eat fruit aren’t the same species as bats that eat blood. But this is a completely different universe – not everything is exactly the same as ours.
For example, these bats aren’t just shades of brown and black. In Chiroptria, a bat’s body can be any color of the rainbow. One color per bat, although the wings are a little darker than the body. And they have different styles for the hair on the tops of their heads, so there’s more individuality. The important thing to remember is that these bats are a lot cuter than the bats in our world. Snuggly, even.
As our story begins, we meet Lirestre, an aquamarine-colored bat from Vampirlot – that’s the capital of Chiroptria. She’s grown up surrounded by family and friends who love her, but she just graduated from music school and now she’s looking for her place in the world.
Oh – I forgot to mention: these bats have cutie marks. On the back of each wing, mirror images of each other… kind of like the design on a hang glider. Lirestre has a cutie mark of a lyre, because she’s really good at playing the lyre. Bats don’t have magic, so she has to play by plucking the strings with the claw sticking out from the top of her left wing. It doesn’t give her the kind of range that magic would give her, but she makes it work.
Anyway, like I said, Lirestre is looking for her place in the world, so one day, she flies down from the custom-built wooden structures of Vampirlot to a small forest town nearby called Batburg. No, that isn’t a mistake – I said they mostly live in caves and trees. Vampirlot is where the bat queen lives, so it’s wealthier, and the residents show it off by building custom wooden homes they can hang from.
Oh – Batburg. No, that isn’t a mistake, either. “Burg” can refer to a small town, too. And “Batburg” sounds better than “Batville.”
So Lirestre and her friends visit Batburg one summer night, and Lirestre has no idea that her whole life is about to change. They’re met by a bright pink bat named Redkin, who points them to a huge party being held at the town’s library. Lirestre thinks she’s simply attending something fun for the night, completely unaware that at that party, she’s going to meet a light yellow bat named Sugre Candi.
Sugre Candi has been living in Batburg for a while, but she hasn’t gotten to know many of the other bats that well, because this is the first time she’s been on her own since leaving her job hunting down snakes and owls for a top-secret organization. Still, she’s an expert confectioner, and she makes all of the town’s candy. You know those agave-flavored suckers that have an insect larva inside? Those are delicacies to bats. And she makes all sorts of brilliant candy/bug combinations like that for the residents of Batburg.
The point is, Sugre Candi is beautiful and funny and just… everything, and Lirestre immediately gets a crush on her. They hit it off at the party, and Lirestre decides to move to Batburg so she can be closer to her. From day one, they make a super cute couple, and they quickly fall in love. Soon, they move into their own tree home together.
Along the way, they meet new friends, like a bat who specializes in carrots – these bats eat vegetables, too – and a bat whose family grows all of the apples for Batburg. Lirestre reconnects with one of her old Vampirlot friends and the bearded dragon who lives with her – those two and their friends do all of these heroic things whenever Chiroptria is in danger. They also meet other musicians, the couple who runs the town’s bakery… there are a lot of different bats in Batburg, and they’re all really interesting.
Through it all, the love between Lirestre and Sugre Candi grows. Day after day, they do everything together, they enjoy every minute of it, and everybat agrees that they’re perfect for each other. And ultimately, Lirestre learns that her place in the world is with Sugre Candi.
The end.
Bon Bon looked at Lyra, who was sitting next to her on the loveseat.
“If I’m being honest,” she said to her wife, “I don’t think anypony is going to want to read about a world of sapient bats.”
“Really?” Lyra said. “Why not?”
“Bats are kind of freaky-looking. They creep ponies out.”
“The illustrations wouldn’t look like real bats. These would have big, cute eyes and friendly personalities. They’d remind readers of their own equinity.”
“They’d have big eyes? Aren’t bats famous for having bad eyesight?”
“And here’s the best part,” Lyra said, ignoring the question. “It’s a franchise that encourages shipping! In the real world, bats don’t pair off the way ponies do. They couple with whichever bat is available and willing. So the readers can imagine any of the characters being in a relationship with any other character – all of the combinations are possible.”
Bon Bon furrowed her brow slightly. “I don’t like the idea of Lirestre in a relationship with anybat other than Sugre Candi.”
“And that’s the best best part! They’re the exception! Their relationship is so obviously meant to be, and they’re so perfect together, that the readers won’t even consider Lirestre as anything other than Sugre Candi’s wife. It’d be blasphemy! So unrealistic that to even suggest it would ruin the story right off the bat! Um… pun not intended.”
“Not intended? Really?”
“I mean, I’m definitely going to use it now that I’ve said it.”
“Mm-hm. What about ‘bats in the belfry’?”
“I’ll use that, too. Any more puns you’ve got, hit me. I’ll use ’em all.”
Bon Bon sighed. “I don’t want to stifle your creativity,” she said, “but I do have to point out a couple of things. First of all, my secret past is still classified, so it seems like a really bad idea to directly reference it in this series.”
Lyra thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess that’s true,” she said. “Maybe Sugre Candi used to be a private eye. That could be hot.”
“Second,” Bon Bon continued, “before I met you, I used to hate seeing those couples who were so infatuated with each other, the only thing they did was stand around and be in love. Most ponies don’t want to read about that – they’re more interested in stories that have some sort of conflict. I don’t think there’d be a big audience for a story about, say, Lirestre and Sugre Candi making caramels together and then sitting in the living room to read the newspaper. And I do not want the specifics of what those two do behind closed doors published for the world to read.”
“That won’t stop the fans from coming up with stories themselves.”
“You’re not helping your case. Third and finally,” Bon Bon said, “when would you find the time to write these? You’d have to either spend less time writing music or spend less time with me, and I can’t imagine you choosing either of those options.”
“I—” Lyra started to say, then paused. She put her hoof to her chin and looked down toward the floor, hmming in thought. After several more seconds, she looked back up at Bon Bon.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she admitted. “Do you think I could sell the story idea to a publisher, and let somepony else write the stories?”
“I mean, maybe,” Bon Bon said. “But it’d be more likely that even if they did buy it, they’d decide to focus on stories about Redkin and her friends. Redkin’s more energetic and outgoing – she’d provide more stimulating stories.”
“If you ask me, Sugre Candi is extremely stimulating.”
“And I already said that I don’t want those kinds of stories published.”
There was more silence while Lyra thought. Finally, her shoulders shifted slightly – Bon Bon recognized it as the sign that she was accepting defeat. “Okay, yeah. I guess the world will never get to read about Sugre Candi and Lirestre,” she said. “’Cause you’re right – I’d rather live those memories with you than let two fictional characters have all the fun.”
“Phew.”
Lyra frowned and slowly exhaled through her nose. Then she said, “I guess it’s better if I stick to what I know instead of trying to become a writer.”
“Hey,” Bon Bon commanded, looking her directly the eyes, “don’t ever stop coming up with ideas. The only way to think of something brilliant that nopony else has thought of before is if you go through all the things that nopony’s thought of before because they don’t work. And you think of great stuff. For example, if it weren’t for you, I never would have thought to make lily-pops. And if I hadn’t made those, then I never would have gone on to sell those flower-flavored candy bouquets that ponies like.” She put her hoof on Lyra’s shoulder. “Your unique creativity is one of the many, many reasons I love you.” She nuzzled her.
Lyra responded with a nuzzle of her own. “Aw... thanks, Sugre Candi.”
Bon Bon pulled back. “But if you call me by the name of a bloodsucking bat, then I’m going to assume you want me to drain the energy out of you… and not in the fun way.”
Lyra smiled, then leaned over and tilted her head up toward Bon Bon’s ear. In a low, husky voice, she whispered, “Bon Bon.”
Bon Bon lowered her eyelids slightly as one corner of her mouth curled upward. “That’ll earn you the fun way.”
