Your Maudtact has Expired
Author's Note
My brain can come up with very random things sometimes.
The other week I saw that it was the fifth anniversary of "A Hat in Time", a really fun 3D platformer that everypony here should play since it's amazing and really funny. Since it was October I also realized I was lacking a Halloween story, and the Snatcher is one of the best characters in the game, things just snapped into place from there.
Maud was my instant first pick for the pony to use, since she is one of the best ponies period and a pleasure to write for. Thanks again to my friend for editing this! And I hope everypony enjoys!
Oh, It's You.
A pony silently trotted down the forest path, her expression remaining neutral as the cries of crows echoed around her, the air weighing her down with unearthly presences that whispered all around her.
Well, they wore her down for a moment before she shook them off, her expression unchanging as she blinked and looked down at her map.
“I wonder why everycreature was so scared of this place?” she thought aloud, turning around right as something shadowy scuttered behind a brush. “It’s a perfectly normal ecosystem above a quartz deposit. This place is almost like the Everfree anyways. Mudbriar would probably like all the sticks.”
The pony’s expression didn’t change as she double checked her position, deciding to go to the nearest possible entry point to the forest's caves, based on the geographical info she had picked up and guessed. With that decided, she slipped the map back into her bag, and took a step forward.
Right onto a patch of cloth, her pressure prompting it to rocket upwards with her still inside, suspending her above the forest floor.
”Ah,” she thought. “That’s unfortunate.”
It took her a few moments to get herself fully loose, a few quick kicks enough to tear through the fabric as she fell to the floor, landing on all fours with her expression the same as ever. Even as the surroundings shifted into a strange purple void, or when a bluish shadow burst from the ground, its arms outstretched as it laughed in maniacal triumph.
“AHAHAHAHAAAAAAA FOOL!” he (she assumed it was a he) shouted at the top of his lungs, extending the word as long as possible while his stretchy body leaned in close to the pony with a wide, evil smile. “You’ve really made a mess of things this time! Want an idea of how badly you’ve screwed up? Imagine the last mess you made and multiply it by a factor of a hundred! Nobody goes into my forest and leaves again in one piece!”
“Hello. You’re very loud.” said Maud.
The shadow blinked, his eyes narrowing as his posture slumped in confusion. “That’s… that’s it? That’s your reaction? You walk through a forest, get trapped, and then a terrifying yet stunningly handsome ghost pops up from the ground and screams into your face? And all you have to say is I’m loud!?”
“I’m not wrong though,” Maud said.
The shadow groaned, dragging a palm across his face as he looked to the heavens in annoyance, muttering something that sounded vaguely like, “Why does nobody normal come here anymore…”
“Can I go now?”
“What!? No!” cried the ghost, putting his hands on his sides as he glared down at her. “That greeting was murder on my lungs! Do you expect me to let that go to waste? How inconsiderate are you!?”
“Maybe you should greet people more normally then.”
“Wh- I… how dare you! You come into my forest! Don’t even react to me! And then constantly make fun of me! If my last visitor wasn’t a nightmare to deal with, you would be the worst trespasser I’ve had so far!”
“Thank you. I’m honoured.”
“That. Wasn’t. A compliment!” He growled, rubbing his brow with his hand.
“Oh. My mistake,” came the uninterested reply, Maud blankly staring up at him and blinking.
“No. No, I can still make this work. I can work with this,” the spirit muttered under his breath, before smiling wide and rubbing his hands together. “I am the Snatcher! And you, foolish horse, have stepped into my forest! SO NOW YOU SHALL PAY THE-”
“Pony.”
“What now?” the Snatcher asked with a raise of a non-existent eyebrow.
“I’m a pony. Not a horse.”
“…Does it matter?”
“Not really. I thought you would want to know though. My name’s Maud by the way.”
“Hello Maud.” The Snatcher sighed. “You know, I’m just going to skip to the part when you sign this contact here.” He gestured towards a piece of paper that appeared with a puff of smoke, even that sight seeming unenthusiastic.
Maud tilted her head.
The Snatcher growled. “Oh, what is it now?”
“Why do I need to sign it?”
“Oh for- SINCE YOU ARE TRESPASSING IN MY FOREST!” he cried to the heavens. “Are all you ponies so… frustrating!? Why are you even here!?”
“We’re all pretty different really. I’m not like other ponies. And I’m on vacation. I heard somecreature talk about the rock deposits under the forest and I wanted to see,” Maud explained.
“Rocks?” repeated Snatcher. “You came here for rocks?”
“Yes. Do they belong to you too?”
“Well…” the spirit began, his eyes darting as he thought for a moment. “You know, I’m not sure. That thought is so specific. So horribly boring I've never thought about it for all these centuries!”
“Can I look then?” asked Maud, wondering why this spirit had such difficulty understanding her request.
Snatcher simply glared back and sighed.
“You… where are you even from!? I’ve never heard of talking ponies before! You might be the first to even step foot in my forest.”
“Hoof. Step hoof.”
“Pony,” the ghost said slowly. “Please answer the question before your head pops off.”
“That isn’t very friendly,” she continued as Snatcher resisted screaming in fury. “But we all live on the other side of the planet.” Maud gestured to the right with her hoof. “So somewhere over that way.”
”S-somewhere over there? Over where!?”
”Exactly. Can I look at the rocks now?”
The Snatcher hissed, lowering himself to eye level with the pony as he scribbled something on the contract before pushing it in front of her. “You know what, sure! Just sign this and you’ll have access to all the rocks you can ever dream of! You just need to give me your soul in exchange! Doesn’t that sound fair?!”
Maud took the contract, looking down and reading the details without a single reaction to the hastily added mention of rock access, the Snatcher waiting with bated breath before Maud finally spoke.
“Can I ask for legal advice before I agree to anything?”
“Uh, sure? I guess? We’re in a void of nothingness though, so I’m not sure-” he paused, his eye twitching as he saw what Maud pulled out of her dress before putting his head in his hands. “Pony. That’s a rock.”
“Yes. He’s really good at reading fine print.”
“No. You don’t understand,” he repeated with increasing distress, wondering how on earth the sanity of the conversation had dropped off so hard in such a short span of time. “That is. A rock.”
“I’ve noticed. His name is Boulder. He’s my pet.”
“You… have a pet rock?”
“Yes. Isn’t that clear by now?”
The Snatcher took a deep breath, reminding himself that slamming his head into a brick wall wasn’t a good way to impress future slaves. “Oh what did I do to deserve this… can you just agree to sign it already and let me move on with my life?”
Maud ignored him for a moment, holding Boulder up close to the contract, seemingly so it could see every detail, before finally looking up. “He says it looks sketchy.”
“BUT IT’S A ROCK! IT CAN’T SAY ANYTHING! LET ALONE GIVE LEGAL ADVICE!”
“That’s rude. You should apologise.”
“Pony. I am not saying sorry to a rock! It doesn’t care what I say! IT IS A ROCK.”
”Boulder is actually very sensitive. Even Pinkie Pie is careful around him.”
”Am I supposed to know who that is!?” questioned the Snatcher through gritted teeth.
”She's my sister.”
”Oh good lord, there’s more of you.”
”Do you not know her?” Maud asked with a tilt of her head. “She usually knows everycreature.”
”Clearly not. Didn’t I already say you were the first pony I’ve seen!?”
”Oh. Give it time then.”
”Give it ti-” he began, his shock turning to fury as he narrowed his eyes. “Was that a threat!? Are you threatening me!?”
”No.”
”Yes you were! The last thing I need is more annoying servants! Especially ones that want to be friends! I know I’ve already mentioned her, but do you have any idea how much of a nightmare my last one was!? She was a being of chaos! She spread carnage whenever she went and- hey! Are you even listening?!”
Maud had turned her attention back to Boulder, seemingly unaware of the depths of the ghost’s fury as she nodded. “You’re right Boulder. I think he does have some anger issues.”
Silence.
“Actually,” said the ghost extremely slowly, his words laced with venom, “I think I have another idea. Now that I look at it, it seems this contract has expired! How. Silly of me.”
“Oh, Boulder didn’t see that.”
”So because of that,” said the Snatcher, ignoring the comment as he snapped his fingers, prompting the surroundings to blur and shift back to the forest, “you get to live and go free! Isn’t that lucky?!”
“Oh. Alright then. Come on Boulder. I should have narrowed down the possible locations for the quartz deposit,” said the pony as she put Boulder back into her pocket and started trotting away.
”Yes, yes. Since I’ve decided we’re going to skip working as my servant part. And skip right to me TAKING YOUR SOUL FOR MYSELF!” he cried, suddenly charging towards the pony with his arms outstretched, several vials floating above his head. “SAY GOODBYE TO THAT LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS PON-GAHHHHHHHHHH!”
Maud turned around after her kick, watching as the ghost went flying deep into the forest, shortly followed by a loud THUMP as he crashed into something.
She blinked.
”Goodbye,” she said after a moment. “Thank you for letting me look at your rocks.”
”D-don’t mention it...” echoed a woozy voice from the distance. “J-Just please leave when you’re done...”
“Ok. I’ll see you later.”
The groan that followed echoed through the forest for miles.
Maud, meanwhile, simply continued on her way, her expression shifting ever so slightly into what could be called a smile at the thought of the hours of rock studying she had ahead of her.
”I wonder if he’ll mind when he finds out I told Starlight, Trixie, and the others to meet me tomorrow, Boulder.”
The rock didn’t respond. But Maud seemed to understand the intent of the message anyways.
“You’re right. It will be fine.”
It was the beginning of many stressful days for the Snatcher, to say the least.
