1
"I will repeat that for posterity. The chances of surviving on the planet Earth have lowered from the original ratio to settle at one in approximately 66,000,000. Mercy killing centers have been erected in the major cities for those unwilling or unable to kill themselves." The news anchor leaned back, taking a deep breath to steady his wavering voice.
"I myself plan to make the trip there myself this evening. You know, Chuck, it's funny. I wanted to run screaming from the building, flipping you off and telling you how much I utterly fucking hated your stupid coffee bean puns. But now? Come here, mate. I want to thank you for all those horrible things..." The news anchor broke down, tears streaming down his utterly broken expression, and began to stand up, his arms outstretched to hug someone behind the camera. He never got the chance.
There was the ear piercing sound of screeching metal and a sick orange glow illuminated the entire newsroom. The anchor let out an agonizing scream as angry red boils hissed into existence on his skin. His screaming only intensified as a cloud of silver and blue nanites streamed in through the gap. His already mutating flesh was suddenly stripped from his bones as the Storm worked its evil on him relentlessly. The scene continued, but I was no longer capable of understanding the horror it depicted. A splatter of blood flew out of the cloud, coating the camera with a mist of red.
I stood and retched over the side of my hospital bed for several minutes. Just as I began to recover, a now all too familiar screeching of metal sounded overhead. I stood, ready to bolt for the door when the screams began, distant at first and growing in volume. Soon I was surrounded by the screeching cries of the damned and dying.
Numbed, I sat back on my bed. The walls around me creaked and groaned, and surprisingly, I smiled. I had never believed in an afterlife. It all seemed too surreal to me. But now... I didn't need the promise of an afterlife. Earth had become Hell in these last few months. Now I just needed a respite, an escape. One the Storm would be all too happy to provide. The pain, I imagined, would be exquisite. The nanites were programmed to be 110% efficient in whatever they did. I stood and opened my arms wide as the groaning roof finally caved and a black and silver wall of death rushed in. As the fresh radiation burns rose on my flesh, I cried out one last thing in joy and relief.
"FREEDOM!!! FREEEEEDOOOOO-" Then the Storm rushed down my throat and all went black.
I sat up slowly, my mind restarting and attempting to register my surroundings. As the memories slowly returned, I settled into my natural expression: a dead eyed, heavy browed, slash mouthed grimace. The eerie green glow from my neon green irises, coupled with the cat like slits that served as pupils, created a disturbing mask of devilish proportions. Not that there was anyone left to scare. No, the last of any proper living thing was exterminated a long time ago. In fact, I kept a running tally of how many years it has been since I've seen anything other than dust and the Storm on this hell hole.
Pardon me, that was a bit of a tangent. Not communicating vocally for centuries tends to take away your ability to stay on topic. I say that no "proper" living thing because I am no longer truly alive. In fact, I have been trying to prove that very fact to my body for some time now. I sat up with a grunt and examined the damage this time. My right arm was the only thing propping me up at the moment, because I appeared to be missing all my limbs. I was sitting in a puddle of hissing green acid the same color as my eyes. As I watched, it began to eat through the sandy ground. Sighing, I waited. My patience was rewarded a minute or so later as my left arm and both legs began to reform. When I was satisfied that all my bones were in place, I attempted to stand. For a moment I wobbled, then grinned when my feet obeyed and turned towards the edge of the crater I was standing in.
When I had finally climbed out, I made my way over to a line of watches connected by a complicated series of wires. The last remnant of technology left on the planet, preserved by yours truly. When each watch's stopwatch feature reached 99 hours and 59 minutes, the STOP pulse would activate the next watch in the sequence. I gazed down the long line of watches, looking for which one was still counting the seconds. I stopped seventy six watches down, near the end of the line. It had run out of batteries, and so the chain was broken.
My face twisted as I snarled in rage. HOW DARE THAT WATCH?! WHEN I NEEDED IT MOST, IT HAD QUIT ON ME! I threw my arm forward and a dart sized bolt of silver and black shot from my palm. On contact with the watch, it exploded in a shower of smoke and fire. Bits of metal and dust rained down on me and I shook my head to get the debris out of my hair. Sighing, I looked up and did the math in my head. Seventy five watches, all clocked out to 99 hours and 59 minutes... When the answer presented itself, I gave a small cheer. I had stayed "dead" for nearly a year, possibly more this time! Then I looked up, my giddy smile slowly falling into a defeated scowl.
Above me sat the edge of the North American continent. It was the farthest dropoff line on the entire planet, and when the water had boiled away it had become the perfect spot for a suicidal maniac to kill himself.
If only I could stay dead... I thought bitterly. Sighing heavily, I walked over the the steep cliff face. With a flick of my wrists, ten silver and black speckled claws appeared on my fingers. I looked up once more and began to climb. At least I know that if a year ever gets too boring I could just toss myself off the edge. Of course now, more than six thousand years after the devestation of the Storm, all signs of life, including the "eternal monuments" like the Statue of Liberty and the Giza Pyramids, had been wiped viciously from the Earth's surface. Now all that remained was a ball of dust and rock, the ever present nanites that made up the Storm... and me. Radiation Burn Victim 30313, the plaque on my door at the hospital had said, all those millenia ago. I had taken to calling myself Lucky, as a personal joke to lighten the mood. That stopped working around four thousand years ago. Now I was just waiting for the Sun to supernova, so I could get off this damn rock. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and once I reform I'll end up on an untouched planet?
I wonder what the water will taste like? Shaking my head and chuckling slightly, I resumed my climb.
Stumbling forward again, I cried out as another violent pang of hunger racked my body. As my body continued its shambling, my mind drifted once again. When I had woken in the hospital bed, my immediate thoughts were "How am I still alive?" and "Shit, where are my pants?!" That second one still bewildered me. The answer to the former presented itself almost straight away. I lifted my arm and cried out in surprise as a strange silver and black afterimage did the same. Leaning closer, I noticed my skin had an unnatural sheen to it, and there was the slightest hint of motion on its surface.
It wasn't until now, fourteen sleepless, food and water deprived days later, that I realized that the nanites had somehow melded with my body. And while they could repair damaged tissue and prevent me from dying of hunger and thirst, they couldn't stop the continuously weakening breath from escaping my lungs; pushed, as I was, to the precipice of death by the sheer gut wrenching spasms that lack of sustenance had caused me.
Another weak lurch, and my legs gave out from under me. I fell forward, wincing as I expected the dulled impact of dust and rock. Imagine my surprise and elation when instead I felt the, albeit hot and sticky, splash of moisture against my face. Without so much as opening my eyes, I began to shovel the mud filled liquid into my gaping mouth, forgoing air in favor of filling my griping innards. I had become so sickly that I didn't even register the tangy sting of the muck, nor the radiation filled glow it gave off. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't drinkable. And regardless, I couldn't have cared less. If it was to be, this meager puddle might sustain me long enough to find a city untouched by this madness. If I was doomed, then so be it. I had made my peace when the nanobots had eaten their way into the hospital. Something in my stomach lurched, and I became unresponsive as a massive wave of pain rushed over me. My last thoughts were a giddy chuckle, and the hope that I would not wake up again.
With a grunt, I heaved myself over the edge of the cliff face. Three days had passed almost unnoticed by me as I scaled the great sea wall. I gave a small smile. One of the perks of having nanites who took directives from a subconcious part of your brain: you can zone out on a cliff face and not worry about falling off. Not that the fall would have terrrified me. It simply would have made it more tedious to begin the climb back up again.
Standing, I cracked my back and stretched, taking in my surroundings. What I saw would have made my breath catch in my throat, if I needed to breath anymore. Dust circled and spun in the stinging solar winds, but that was normal. What really caught my attention was the Storm. On any given day, the nanites would sit high in the atmosphere, drifting lazily through what used to be pure o-zone. With every atom of organic material consumed, the Storm had become an idle cloud, a part of the barren landscape it had helped create. Now though, a section had broken off from the cloud above and was sitting at ground level. Even over a distance of a mile or more, I could hear the drone of the machines. The detachment of nanites hovered for another moment before soaring back into the sky. I sighed, then fell into a steady jog.
Silly me, thinking something interesting was about to happen, after 6 millenia of inactivity. It seemed that irony and fate were fine and dandy after all this time, and couldn't resist fucking with me. All at once, the entirety of the Storm coalesced above me and began to fall straight down. I stood agape, legs locked in place. Less than ten seconds later, I was surrounded by a fevered buzzing as the nanites swarmed around me. Shaking myself out of the stupor, I opened my mouth and a metallic voice clinked its way out, sounding for all the world to be just another noise in the ocean of the Storm.
"Directive command: assume familiar shape Epsilon C-Delta 459!" The Storm in my area slowed, then gathered in front of me, slowly assuming the shape of a human. The command didn't give the Storm any type of increased sentience when it worked together like this, but I prefered to speak to something that at least slightly resembled my long lost species.
"Directive inquiry: Prime Directive?" I continued, my voice still grating and metallic as my own nanites spoke through me. There was another hesitation, and the humanoid shape replied.
"Prime Directive: unchanged. Absorb, assimilate, reproduce. Directive ineffective: organic matter insufficient." That was the response I was expecting. I sighed mentally and tried a different approach.
"Directive Inquiry: Active Directive?" This time the response was almost immediate.
"Active Directive: Secondary Directive: Discover new source of matter for re-initiation of Prime Directive. Directive complete, Active status compulsary. Active Directive: Tertiary Directive: New source of matter detected: nomenclature in directory stands as 'earth'. Preparing to adapt function probes in order to achieve Prime Directive through use of 'earth'. Approximate completion time: 12 seconds." For the first time in 6,000 years, I felt the icy grip of fear course through my acid filled veins. The Storm was going to convert and absorb the very Earth they orbited! Because the Storm ignored me, I wouldn't be effected, but no Earth meant that I would be sent hurtling through space, an experience that I knew with all my being that I wouldn't want to be concious for. Quivering, I raised my voice again in a last ditch effort to save the dusty planet.
"Code Samantha: Change Secondary and Tertiary Directives. Use of 'earth' improbable, energy expenditure imbalanced. Reprogram: Achieve Prime directive through directory file 599030 Beta: labeled 'Mars'." The hum of the Storm quieted, and for a moment I thought I had succeeded. Then the buzzing grew to a roar and the nanites whirled around me.
"Incorrect Code: Samantha requires Alpha authorization. Tertiary Directive achieved: deferring to 'In effect' Status. Prime Directive achievable: Proceeding." I frowned, slightly ticked that it had taken such a short time for them to see through the ruse. Then I remembered that they were machines that worked at the speed of light.
Oh well, I tried. With a thought, I became encased in the familiar glow of my nanites. I jumped, soaring over the cloud of death below me as it began to eat through the ground. After ascending a quarter of a mile, I stopped, hovering over the destruction.
Well if I'm gonna be hovering through space, I'm sure as hell not gonna be concious. At least, not for the first year or so, I added as an afterthought. I shifted to the left and hovered over the sea wall I had climbed not a half hour ago. Sighing once more, I deactivated the nanites and fell. I quickly approached terminal velocity, then passed it as I reactivated the nanites around my feet, rocketing me downwards at the speed of sound. After a minute, I felt the satisfying rush as the sound barrier shattered around me. A smile crept onto my face as the ocean floor came into view through the dust. Then suddenly it, and the darkness accompanying my temporary deaths, consumed me.
When my eyes flickered open, I tried to gasp in surprise. That didn't go over too well, as the vaccuum of space didn't provide enough air for me to gasp with. So, bereft of even that display of emotion, I tried to focus my eyes. Blackness was familiar to me at this point, and my numerous attempts at death had removed all notions of black as a fearful color. In fact, I felt that the black nothing had becoming a calming vision, the hand staying my already collapsing sanity. The only reason I could seperate this dark void from the one I normally experienced was the gentle twinkle of stars that sparsely decorated it. I did the anaerobic equivalent of a sigh and rolled my eyes.
What I assumed was days later, my focus was drawn back to reality as I felt a tug on my foot. I twisted around to look at what hit me and was faced with a gaping black scar in the constant stream of starlight. My eyes widened and a grim smile twisted my face as my lower body unraveled. I thrust my arms over my head in a wordless shout of joy when I realized that I was caught in the event horizon of a black hole. As my being surged forward into the all consuming gravity well, one thought echoed through my mind:
Oh joy, it's finally here! I CAN DIE!!!!!
"Oh dearest Sister!" a young voice called from down the hall. Princess Celestia of Equestria, Herald of the Sun, sat with a neutral expression on her throne. After a few empty seconds, her younger sibling Princess Luna, Daughter of the Moon entered the room through a concealed side door. Celestia raised a hoof; the guards and handmaidens of the castle vanished into their respective waiting rooms to give the Princesses their peace. When she was sure they were gone, Celestia's expression brightened and she hopped out of her throne, hugging the moon princess and nuzzling her affectionately.
"Most joyous of occasions, Luna! Thou hath saved me from the unbearable company of the wretch known as mine nephew!" she exclaimed. Luna gave a sweet giggle behind her hoof and gently pushed her sister off.
"Oh my, Sister!" she cried, pretending to be offended. "Thou wouldst speak so ill of thine nearest of relations, the charming, heheh... charming Prince White Collar?... Pffftbahahahahahahahaaa!" The immortal sisters shared a round of raucous laughter at the expense of the uppity blue-blooded noble. Soon however, Luna's expression grew serious, and she nudged her sister with a hoof.
"In all seriousness, Sister, we didst not arrive thusly for sport," Luna said gravely. Celestia's smile fell as well.
"Then prithee tell, Sister, what has thee so troubled?" Luna sucked in a breath and began to bombard her sister with words.
"Well, as thee may know, we art beholden to our Sky and are quite deeply intrigued by its murky depths. As we were gazing upon the visage of the humble Sirius, we have struck upon some strange anomaly in our perfect Sky! There is a wretched mark within sight of the Dog Star, and it has spat some globule of space upon our sweet home of Equis! Tis at this whereupon we deemed it necessity to inform thee of the happenings above, for this strangeness from the sky has set its course for thy very Throne!" Celestia's eyes were the size of dinner plate's as her sister finished, and she raced to the tall stained glass window depicting her and her sister behind the throne. Sure enough, there was some wretched green and silver blob soaring towards her. It was traveling much faster than terminal velocity, almost as if it were truly spit down to Equis by some celestial giant. As it entered the atmosphere, it caught fire and made a beeline for the very window she was watching from.
"GET DOWN!" the sun princess screamed as she dove to the side. Not a moment too soon, as the meteor struck the glass at many hundreds of kilotrots per hour, vaporizing most of it on impact. The glowing blob crashed into the opposite wall and lay still, smoking and hissing. Luna stood up first, having not been in the path of the missile in the first place. She went over to the strange smoking green and silver object as guards flooded the room.
"Are Your Majesties unharmed?"
"What happened here?!"
"What is that... thing?!"
"Enough," Celestia said in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "We art unharmed. Do not approach whatever manner of being that sits upon Our wall." She turned to face the guards.
"Captain Grand Shield, fetch Us the scientist known as Gallop Leo. He shall assist Us in the discerning as to the nature of this... thing." A buff and well armored stallion stepped forward and saluted
"Yes Your Majesty!" the guard Captain cried, galloping off to the science wing. The strange meteor hissed and suddenly dropped a few hoofs. Everyone present eyed it warily and backed up a few steps.
"Faust-speed to you, Grand Shield," Luna said quietly.
Unsurprisingly, when I woke up, I was groggy. That faded quickly though, and was replaced with an ungodly rage. I sprung up suddenly, fists clenched in rage, eyes seething and boiling with unchecked emotion. I threw my arms up and screamed at the top of my lungs.
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!? BY ALL THAT IS HOLY, HOW THE FUCK DID I FUCKING SURVIVE A MOTHERFUCKING BLACK HOLE?!?! WHY CAN'T I JUST STAY THE FUCK DEAD?! FUCK!!!! Bits of acidic green spittle flew from my lips, hissing as they touched the tiled ground. I was about to launch back into the tirade when my mind finally processed my surroundings.
I was in a room. A pristine, untouched white marble room, standing on a large stone slab.
"Wha... Where am I?" I managed. I fell to my knees. Had it all been a terrible dream? Was I back in the hospital again? I shook my head. No. My spit was still acidic, and I'm almost positive the hospital's beds were a bit more comfortable than stone. I slipped off the stone slab and looked around, taking in the details of the walls. They were rough to the touch, as unrefined marble would be, or so my nanites told me. I was startled by a strange click, and then a creaking noise. I spun on the spot, then stood stock still when I saw two equine creatures standing in a doorway I had failed to notice earlier. One was wearing what appeared to be a crown, and towered over the other. It also had a horn and a pair of wings. It's amythest eyes were wide with surprise. The smaller one beside it only had a horn, and appeared to be in shock, as it wasn't moving and had no expression whatsoever.
The fact that these horse-like creatures could express at all was a surprise, but one that my concious mind failed to register. I took a step forward, wanting to assure myself that this was all, in fact, real. The heavy thunk of my boot hitting the marble floor startled the pair and they jumped, then turned to run out the door.
"Wait, please!" I cried, "Don't go!" The larger equine stopped dead, but the other continued to run. The larger one's horn suddenly lit up in a bright gold aura. The smaller horse creature was surrounded by a similar glow and was dragged back, despite his still flailing hooves.
Telekinesis? I thought, my brain moving much slower than it usually did. I assumed that was appropriate, under the circumstances.
"Thou... thou speakst Equinic?" the larger one said slowly, its eyes focused carefully on mine. My mind reeled in shock. They were sentient?!
"You can speak?" I asked incredulously. The dialogue was beyond archaic in form, but it was most certainly English! The equine looked confused, but nodded slowly.
"What art thou?" the creature asked.
"I'm h-" I stopped and looked down at myself, seeing the glow of my green eyes illuminate my trench coat. Could I really say I was human anymore? Shaking my head, I looked back at the large equine.
"To be honest, I... I'm not quite sure, anymore." The equine quirked an eyebrow.
"What dost thou mean?"
"My home... it was ravaged by... a terrible storm a long time ago. My race was once called humans, but there are none left. I only survived because something in that storm... changed me."
"We do not know of these humans thou speak of, but Equis does not have any creature like thee. When thou arrived, thou were't in a form most puzzling, and thou slowly shifted back. Pray tell, is this the... 'change', that you spoke of?" I nodded.
"Most humans die after sustaining enough of an injury, or when they grow old, which usually takes about three quarters of a century." The large equine looked thoughtful again.
"Ah, so thine fellows are like Our dear Earth Ponies who farm the lands... but thine words insinuate thee dost not include thyself in this bracket." I shook my head. I should have been sad to be recounting the death of my planet, but I couldn't get over the burgeoning tidal wave of joy I felt as I spoke to the first sentient creature I had laid eyes on in so long.
"You're right," I said simply. "I've been alive for about 6,000 years now." Simply acknowledging the time I had spent alone on Earth seemed to weigh on me. My shoulders slumped. "That storm wiped out all of my fellow humans when I was a mere nineteen years old."
"Dost thou mean to say... that thou hath spent nigh on six millenia, unaccompanied?" I nodded slowly, tears forming in my eyes for the first time in thousands of years. They fell, green and glowing, to the floor. They hissed as their acidic nature ate through the marble, causing the larger equine to jump. The other horse creature, whom I had nearly forgotten due to its silence, leaned over and whispered something in the larger one's ear. The larger equine nodded and the smaller one left. I wiped away the tears as it spoke again.
"We art truly sorry for thee," it said. "Know that We speak the truth when We say that We knoweth of how unkind Time can be to those who cannot pass on." The equine backed up outside of the door. "And know also that We are sincere in Our apology when We say that you cannot leave this room. Our little ponies would be ill prepared for such a creature in their midst." A mild flare of anger shot up inside me, but I quelled it when I thought of what I would have done, were our situations reversed. I gave a nod and the pony perked up slightly. It went to shut the door, but I held up a hand.
"Wait!" I said quickly, "Can I make a request?" The pony hesitated, then nodded.
"What is it you wish?"
"Can you come to visit me sometimes?" The pony's face was a whirlwind of emotion. It cycled from shock, to slight amusement, and settled on a sad, pitying expression.
"Of course We shall..." I tilted my head as the pony drifted off, and it dawned on me that I hadn't introduced myself.
"Oh! Lucky. You can call me Lucky," I said, thinking quickly. The pony nodded.
"Thou may call Us Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria." I raised my eyebrows, but considering how much taller she was than that other pony from before, plus the wings, horn and crown, I'm surprised I hadn't made that deduction already. I bowed deeply.
"Then well met, Princess Celestia." The princess tittered lightly behind her hoof, then turned to leave. The same golden glow encased the door and it began to grind shut.
"Oh, Princess!" I called. "Could I make another request?" She looked back over her shoulder.
"Yes?"
"... Can I have a bed?" With another light giggle, Celestia nodded and the door ground shut.
