Hearts, Hooves, and a Colt Who Loves Pie

by GuyInTheCorner

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Wonderbolts
Length: 11797

Hearts and Hooves Day is Soarin's greatest enemy, but this one will be perfect! Hopefully...

Another Hearts & Hooves day is coming up, and Soarin has the perfect plan set up! Stay in his bed the whole day, with his face buried in his pillow, bawling his eyes out in hopes that nothing horrible will happen this year. What? That doesn't sound perfect? Well, of course it doesn't. But for him, its the best he can do. Years and years of being cursed with horrible dates and even worse Hearts & Hooves days will lead a colt to this. He's tried fellow Wonderbolts, fanmares, old friends, speed-dating, and countless other things. Each date was different, but they all shared one thing: Miserable, miserable failure. He has no plans on trying again. Ever. However, Spitfire won't sit and watch him mope. She knows one mare he may have a chance with, one mare that won't end horribly. Her name is Rainbow Dash.

After being basically thrown off Cloudsdale, Soarin aims to go on the perfect date with Rainbow. She really is all he really wants, and he's had feelings for her since he met her at the Gala. With help from a certain romantic dragon and old friend from Appleloosa, he'll strive to make this year's Hearts and Hooves Day perfect. He's got enough time to set it up, and Cadence's Hearts & Hooves Gala is nearing, so he has to do this right. But somepony's working behind the strings, and they want to see Soarin fail.

Dates will be made! Friendships will be tested! Pies will be eaten! And lots of other stuff! But everyone is driven by one thing: The Power of Love!

The cover image is not mine. It belongs to whoever made it. Der. Rated teen for language and some adult themes.

Published 2012-09-24 22:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-03 19:23:33 UTC

Getting Thrown Off

Soarin looked out the window of the Wonderbolts base in Cloudsdale. He didn't want to, but he did. It was too late for him to be up, but he was. Outside his home, well, the Wonderbolt's shared home, a storm was brewing. The weather teams had been ordered a massive storm for tonight to cool down the region after an odd heat wave, allegedly caused by an unexpected mood swing from Celestia. Soarin didn't care. He didn't care if this storm lasted forever. He needed the next week or so to himself. It was that time of year again. Soarin's mortal enemy would make its annual awakening, wreaking havoc on him and only him. If he wasn't careful, horrible things would happen. He might get severely injured, or destroy a building, or worse.

That's right. Hearts and Hooves Day was approaching. The absolute worst time of year.

While true it wasn't quite here yet, Soarin' wasn't taking any chances. Alas, the Universe had other plans. Sitting on a coffee table beside him sat three pink envelopes for Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and himself, the three Wonderbolts who shared the apartment. Inside each of them was a letter from Princess Cadence herself.

Leaning forward, Soarin removed the letter from an already opened envelope. Delicately removing the letter from its encasing, he read it over again, and sighed. It was an invitation to Cadence's Hearts and Hooves Gala, held this upcoming Hearts and Hooves Day. It asked for the presence of the Wonderbolts and a required date with each of them.

Why did the world hate him?

Now, it wasn't the day itself that Soarin hated, it was what has happened to him during it. Dates, horrible dates. He'd tried and tried again, with the single goal of a decent date, but it never seemed to work in his favor. There was last year's date with Spitfire. It had been... awkward, to say the least. He had asked Spitfire to dinner, just as friends, in an attempt to play things safe. When Spitfire let him order their food, he decided on a pasta dish. It turned out that Spitfire was allergic to one of the spices that was used in it. And her allergic reaction didn't just cause her to burst out in measles: It caused her to barf. Everywhere. The two's uniforms were at the cleaner's for weeks. It was a miserable failure. But that wasn't the only reason that date failed. Two Wonderbolts on a date attracted a lot attention, and they could never find peace or quiet. The paparazzi had pictures of the date, most every second. And yes, that included the barfing.

And there was the year before that! Ugh. That time, he had tried a Speed Dating program. Worst. Idea. Ever. When ponies learned that a Wonderbolt was partaking in a speed-dating program, how many of them do you think would show up for a chance to go on a date with him? Millions. Ok, that's an exaggeration, but most every available mare in Cloudsdale had tried. And failed, for that matter. Nopony that signed up caught Soarin's interest. They all just showed up, hyperventilated, and proceeded to faint. When one pony didn't, it turned she had been a pie chef, for the love of Celestia! Soarin couldn't ask for more! However, She had a problem too; She was extremely passive-aggressive and had severe anger issues. She ended up destroying a large portion of her own bakery when Soarin asked if she wanted to do something other than eat pie.

Oh, and before that there was the date with Fleetfoot. Ack. Pure disaster. There's just so much to cover on that one. Long story short, the Wonderbolts are banned from Appleloosa, which sucks, because Soarin had some friends down there.

He could go on and on past that. He could go on and painfully recall ever horrible date he'd had. He decided to stop, and just sighed. Looking out his window again, he flopped onto the couch, which matched his coat color, and just closed his eyes. He just wanted to doze off. Let sleep take him over, dive into a world of dreams. His eyelids felt heavy. He blinked slowly a few times. He yawned loudly and closed his eyes...

CRACK!

"AGH!" He screamed in fear and fell off the sofa, breathing heavily. He sprang back up, looking around worriedly "Just the storm..." He said to himself. The surprise that had washed over him slowly retreated. Another flash of lightning outside, this time silent, lit up the dark room. In the brief moment of light, he shot his bright green eyes over at his desk, one room away from him. He turned on some lights and walked over to it through an open door. He pulled up a chair and slumped down on it, mirroring an odd sitting position a past date had taught him. He looked over some of the materials laid out on his desk. A few photos were speckled across the flat surface, ranging from snapshots of different aerial shows to events he had attended.

The ones that caught his eye first were pictures from the Royal Wedding and the Grand Galloping Gala. He picked up one and smiled. This photo depicted him with a cyan pegasus mare with a rainbow-hued mane. "Rainbow Dash..." he whispered to himself, happily. It was from the wedding. He had worn a military jacket, and Rainbow wore the same aerodynamic dress she had worn to the Gala. She had preformed a Sonic Rainboom at the wedding. It was magnificent. She had preformed the Sonic Rainboom one time that Soarin had seen. She had saved his life doing it. Not only his, but Spitfire's, Fleetfoot's, and her own friend Rarity's. For this, Soarin was forever in her debt. Not only for that, but she had also saved his pie once. Again, forever in her debt.

Soarin smiled again at the picture, and tucked it away in a drawer. He picked up his goggles, which were sprawled out on the desk as well, and strapped them on. He adjusted them in front of his mirror, and fixed his mane afterword using a comb he had kept in the bottom left drawer. He liked his goggles. They were part of him.

He heard the door to the house creak open, and two sets of hoofsteps walking in.

"Hey, big blue," he heard a familiar voice say. "How ya doing?"

Soarin got up and turned around, seeing Spitfire and Fleetfoot trotting in. Fleetfoot closed the door behind the two. The two were soaked from head to hoof. Most colts would probably been slightly turned on by seeing them walk in like that. However, Soarin had known these two for years. He could really care less.

"Doing swell, Spitfire," he said. Soarin walked out of the room, and came back with two towels. He threw them to the mares, who proceeded to dry themselves off.

"Helluva storm," Fleetfoot said, shaking herself dry for good measure.

Soarin nodded. "It’s just the world trying to make me feel miserable this time of year. As usual." He sighed.

The two mares shared a chuckle at their teammate. "Soarin, the Universe isn't out to get you," Spitfire laughed. "What did you ever do to it?"

He shrugged his wings and frowned. "Karma's weird like that."

Fleetfoot trotted over to her friend and tapped him a bit on the shoulder. "So how ya gonna fail this year's Hearts and Hooves Day, Soarin?" She joked. "Gonna try some crazed fanmare?"

"No, I'm not," he said, solemnly. He looked at his friends with a serious look on his face. "Because this year, I'm not going to try anything. I'm going to stay here in bed, the whole day, in order to avoid disaster." He had a hint of remorse in a voice.

His two friends stared at him in shock. "But... You've never given up before," Spitfire said, sympathetically. "No matter how many times you've failed, you've never given up on anything!" She stomped a hoof. "You have to try!"

"Who says?" Soarin shouted, stomping a hoof on the floor like Spitfire had. "Every time I try to get a date, I fail! Horribly, at that!" He growled. "So its simple: Never try, never fail." He sat down on the floor and frowned. "It's the only way."

The two mares shook their heads. "I'm not going to let you sit here and mope until Hearts and Hooves Day passes, Soarin. I know Hearts and Hooves day is around a week away, so that gives you enough time to get to work." Spitfire paced around the room, glancing over at Soarin. "And I have the perfect idea for you!" She broke into a wide grin.

Soarin gulped. Fleetfoot also looked at Spitfire, seeming a bit worried as well. The two shook their heads at the flame-headed pegasus. "Spitfire... One of the very few things that can end worse than one of my dates is one of your 'Good Ideas.' So I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear it," Soarin said with a worried tone.

Spitfire sighed. "But this idea is actually really good!" Spitfire walked over to Soarin's desk, the same one he had been sitting at earlier. "Because you're going to ask out," she opened one of the drawers and pulled out a photograph, "her."

The two other Wonderbolts stared at the picture.

"Her?" Fleetfoot said. Then she burst into laughter. "That's ridiculous!" She laughed so hard her eyes teared up. She wiped a tear away with one of her hooves. "That's... Oh Celestia! That's crazy!" She fell onto her back. "She's the craziest fanmare ever!"

Soarin gulped. "Why... Why Rainbow Dash?" He stared at Spitfire. She knows? he thought to himself.

"Because," Spitfire started, staring intensely at Soarin, "She's perfect for you. She loves the Wonderbolts, you're a Wonderbolt. She saved even you life once. And look at all these pictures of you with her!" She dug deeper into the drawer, and pulled out more pictures of the two together. Pictures from the Gala, the Wedding, from the Best Young Flyers Competition. She looked across the pile of snapshots herself, quite surprised at just how much there really was. They had spent some time together at the Gala, and at there was even a picture of the two dancing at the Wedding. And sharing a pie together. They looked so perfect together.

"I don't wanna," Soarin said, pouting. "It'll just end horribly." She's onto me, he though.

"To bad," Spitfire said. "You're doing it. I won't let you sit here and mope! You need to try, Soarin! I know you've had feelings for her for some time! I'm sure Fleetfoot knows, too!" Fleetfoot nodded, now standing back up on all fours.

Soarin blushed. "So what? That never changed anything before." Oh god, she said it. She knows!

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Spitfire said, raising an eyebrow. "Did you have sincere romantic feelings for any of your failed dates?"

Soarin opened his mouth to talk, but closed it again. He just shook his head. "No..." he muttered.

"Exactly," Spitfire added, smiling. "Real feelings might be all you need for a good date. And we both know you like her!" Spitfire beamed at him. "And check these!" She grabbed up the letter Soarin had left on the coffee table. "Invitations to a Hearts and Hooves Gala! With...a required date...?" She raised an eyebrow. "Well, it shouldn't be to hard for me. I'm just so damn sexy!" Spitfire grinned and raised her eyebrows, which triggered confused looks from her friends. "Anyway, you can ask Rainbow!"

Still stunned by Spitfire's odd remark, Soarin sighed. "How long have you known I liked her?"

Spitfire laughed. "Since forever?" She looked at Soarin, who wore a frown.

"Oh," he sniffled. "Still! If I try, I'll ruin something!"

"Then we'll just have to make you," Fleetfoot said, speaking up.

Spitfire nodded. "Get out. Go to Ponyville. Talk to Rainbow. Win her heart, somehow."

Soarin gulped again. "But... What about the storm? It’s too dangerous." He hoped he was somewhat convincing. He was one of the most talented flyers in the world. He’d probably avoid most of the danger.

"Then wear your Wonderbolt costume. We had them lightning-proofed by some unicorns, remember?" Fleetfoot said, tapping her hoof on the ground.

"In the cleaners," Soarin informed her. He smiled. "I'll just have to wait."

"To bad," Fleetfoot snapped at him. She and Spitfire walked over to Soarin, cornering him.

"Guys..." Soarin said. "What are you doing?" His voice rose slightly. "Guys! Stop!" His teammates, with combined efforts, picked up Soarin and walked over to the door. Using a free hoof, Fleetfoot opened it up. The two mares walked out onto their porch. The outside of their cloud home stood over one of the edges of the flying city, looking down onto the fields below. The storm was really kicking into overdrive, blasting lightning frequently.

"Be free, Big Blue!" Spitfire cried before the two mares threw him off the edge.

"ARGH!" Soarin began plummeting, falling fast towards the ground. He beat his wings furiously, sustaining himself midair. "Woo... Close one," he mumbled. He looked back up at his house. "How could they do this to me?" He sighed and set his sights on Ponyville. He didn't know where Rainbow lived, but he knew she stayed close to the small town most of the time. "Well, I may as well try," he mumbled and flew downwards.

Suddenly, there was an unbelievably loud crack of thunder, and Soarin's world lit up around him with a flash of lightning. His vision flared white, and a smell of smoke wound around him.

He fell downwards towards Ponyville, smoke streaming behind him.

The Almost Completely Pointless Filler/Plot Device of a Second Chapter

"So, um... Have any of you actually ever actually been on a date?"

The group of arguing mares turned their heads up to look at Twilight, mainly with confused looks. The exchanged glances with each other before they shared a sigh.

The Elements of Harmony sat on their haunches, not including Rarity sitting on a purple lace pillow, in Twilight's living room, gathered around six envelopes scattered on the ground between them. A flash of lightning outside earned a significantly loud "Eep!" from Fluttershy, who proceeded to hide her face behind her hair.

Twilight's guests had each flocked to her library house for the same two reasons: the letters and the storm. They had each received a letter from Cadence inviting them to a Hearts and Hooves Day Gala held in Canterlot. Each guest was also required to bring a date. Of course, when something related with Canterlot came up, they'd instantly go tell Twilight. The five had also been out during the storm, and Twilight's home was the closest place they could have gone to for safety. Except Fluttershy, who was just afraid of the storm.

The six friends sat together conversing over the letters. It had quickly broke into an argument over what they should do, but now Twilight was going to face the problem head-on and bring up the real question of importance.

"Not even you, Rarity?" she asked, shooting the fashonista a confused glance.

Rarity bit her lip and shook her head. "No... No, not really. There was the time at the Gala with Blueblood... But that was horrible! Horrible!" She put a hoof to her forehead and fell backwards to emphasize the fact. "Oh, there was the time in Canterlot with Fancypants, but that wasn't really a date," she said, getting back up. "Well, I did go on a few a while ago, but they were one time things... And I'm not very proud of them." She looked at the ground, frowning.

"Are you implying that--" Twilight started to say, a little confused.

"Yes." Rarity looked up at Twilight solemnly. The room fell silent. Everyone looked at Rarity, a bit confused. It appeared as though no one really picked up on what she was saying. Pinkie blinked a few times before raising an eyebrow, but then she smiled a bit. She seemed to be catching on.

"OOOOOOOH! You mean that you and a guy you dated once had--"

Rarity magically clamped Pinkie's mouth shut. "Never speak of it again." She stared at Pinkie in rage, and then continued to sigh. Her magical muzzle loosened on Pinkie's maw, and she instantly began to yap again.

"Its nothing to be ashamed of Rarity! I'm sure most of us have done it once or twice!" she said, smiling and bouncing.

"I know, but he proceed 'hit it' and then 'ditch it,'" Rarity said with remorse, eyes closed. Then her eyes popped open again in shock. "Wait, what?" She said suddenly, raising her head up quickly. "Are you saying that you've--"

"Ya-ha!" Pinkie interrupted with a smile. "It was after one of my parties and the guy gave me something really weird to drink and the started to hit on me and he was really drunk but I wasn't so he thought I didn't know what was going on but..." Pinkie stopped when she saw her friends staring at her, dumbfounded.

"What?" Pinkie asked. "Its normal."

Applejack shook her head at Pinkie. "That's... Odd, to say the least, hearin' it from yah, Pinkie." She actually laughed a bit. "Was it really a date?"

"Nopey dokey!" Pinkie said. "He just thought he got me drunk and then we--"

"We get it!" Rainbow shouted, cutting her off. "You've done it with somepony! Can we talk about something else?" A bit of worry could be heard in her voice.

Pinkie giggled. "Don't be silly, Dashie! I've done it with lots of ponies! Mainly after parties!"

The group dropped their jaws. Twilight picked herself up, then continued to talk.

"What about you, Applejack?" she asked, turning to her farmer friend. "Have you ever been on a date?"

AJ shook her head. "Can't say ah have. Too much work I have to do to give mahself any time for romance." She put a hood to her chin. "Ah've been asked on a date a few times, though. Never actually accepted."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Really? By whom?"

The apple farmer dismissed the question with a wave of her hoof. "No one special. Ah doubt you really know 'em." She was wasn't wearing her obvious lying face, so the group could tell she was being truthful.

"So I'm guessing you've never, if you'll excuse for asking, slept with anypony?" Twilight asked.

"Once, actually," she said, nodding. "Ah was drunk on hard cider on a business trip Hoofington to pick up some farmin' supplies. Don't plan on doin' it again any time soon."

"Well, you'll still need a date," Rarity said. "I'd be happy to help you. I know handsome colts that would like you!"

AJ shook her head and smiled. "Think again. Mah family's been asked to cater the event by Cadence. So, ah don't think that ah'll really need one." This time, she was wearing her lying face.

"Let me see that," Twilight said, snatching up AJ's letter with some magic. She opened it up and read it over, then smiled. "Ha!" she said, looking up from the note. "It says right here: Though you'll be supplying the food, I still find it necessary you bring a date for when your family members take a shift. You're a sweet mare; I'm sure it'll be easy for you."
Twilight stared at her orange friend.

"Hehe..." AJ laughed. "Ah must have missed that part... Aw, who am ah kiddin'? Sorry fer lyin'..."

"Its ok," Twilight said. "We're all going to have trouble." Rarity and Pinkie nodded. "None of us really have experience. I doubt Fluttershy has ever dated anypony!" The group laughed, except for the mentioned pegasus mare. When they saw that she hadn't even giggled, they all looked at her.

"Oh Celestia..." Rainbow said. "Please tell me you haven't..."

"It... It was a small thing. He... He was very nice," she whispered. "We met for dinner, and then we went back to his house. And I guess we kind of..."

Everypony else was completely shocked. "You've actually...!" Rainbow said, with incredible disbelief. "That's freaking impossible!"

Fluttershy nodded. "He was... nice."

Rainbow hung her head in shame. "So me and Twilight are the only ones in here that have never actually done it with somepony...?" This was just too embarrassing.

Twilight giggled. "Well, actually..."

"Sweet Celestia, take me out of here!" Rainbow cried towards the ceiling.

The rest of the group stared at Twilight in disbelief, but after hearing Fluttershy's story, anything was possible. "My brother wanted to set me up with somepony nice, so he got me a date with a scientist friend of his. It was just a friendly date, but as the day grew old, I was tempted to go out for a drink. I don't really remember the rest," she explained. She giggled a bit when she was done with it.

At this point, Rainbow Dash was crying a bit. "So I'm the only virgin in this room?"

"Well, there's me."

The six swung their heads up in surprise at the small purple drake sitting on top of the stairs.

"Is this what you guys talk about when you think I'm sleeping?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow. (If that's what dragons call them.)

"Spike?!" Twilight exclaimed. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough," he said, shrugging. "You think I didn't get a letter?"

Twilight blinked a few times. "I... I guess I didn't take it into account that you may have."

Spike laughed. "Of course you didn't. I'm going to my room. I don't want to hear any more of this." He turned and walked away, but stopped to add one more thing. "And nothing I've heard will ever leave this room." He opened to door to his bedroom and walked in.

The six stared up in disbelief. "Did... That really just happen?" Rainbow asked, looking confused.

The rest of the group nodded. "He now has something he can hold over all of our heads," Rarity added.

Twilight gulped. "He knows Applejack and I slept with somepony after getting drunk, Pinkie is apparently a nympho, for lack of a better word, Fluttershy did it while still sober, completely conscious of the event, and Rainbow is a virgin," she said with dismay, mentally checking off her friends as she listed what Spike now knew.

"That pretty much sums it up," Applejack confirmed.

"Promise none of it ever leaves this room?" Rainbow said, blushing.

Her friends giggled. Twilight spoke up over the chorus of laughter. "Of course, Rainbow. But you know, there's nothing wrong with being a-"

"BLAH BLAH BLAH, NOPONY CAN HEAR TWILIGHT!" Rainbow shouted putting her front hooves to her ears.

Rarity patted Rainbow Dash on the back, since she was sitting next to her. "Rainbow, dear, please calm down. I'm sure you're just saving yourself for somepony-"

"NOPONY CAN HEAR RARITY EITHER!" Rainbow shouted at her marshmallow-coated friend. Then she frowned. "I... Never had anypony special. Never went on a date, never had a coltfriend. I'm horrible with guys. Horrible."

Rarity reeled back in surprise at Rainbow's sudden outburst, but her expression changed to that of sympathy when she heard the melancholic toned truth.

Pinkie put a hoof and Rainbow's shoulder. "It's ok, Dashie. It won't ever leave this room!" she said. "Pinkie Pie Promise!"

"Can you do the thingy that goes with it?" Rainbow pleaded.

Her five friends spoke and acted in unison. "Cross our hearts in hope to fly, put a cupcake in our eyes."

"OUCH!" Twilight accidentally poked herself in the eye at the last part, as usually, after forgetting to close her eye. The other five, even Rainbow, laughed, and were soon joined by Twilight herself.

The upstairs door opened, and Spike poked his head out. "Please be quiet?" he said. "I'm just trying to get some sleep." The six laughed a bit again.

"Ok, Spike," Twilight said. "We'll let you get some shut-eye."

Spike grinned. "Pinkie Pie Promise?" Everyone laughed this time, and when it quieted down, Spike spoke up again. "Seriously. Shut up." He pulled his head back in and slammed the door.

Twilight blinked a few times, then decide to change the subject. Sort of. "So, we each need dates. Anypony have any idea who they'll ask?"

Rarity was the first to voice her mind. "Well, this just a wild idea, but I could ask Fancypants," she said, a little unsure. "I haven't actually seen him in a while, and he might be going with Fleur, but it's all I have." She others thought it over a minute.

"It could work," AJ finally said, breaking the silence.

"What about Spike?" Pinkie said with a confused look. "You could ask him. We all know he'd say yes."

Rarity stayed silent for a minute. "I... I don't know. I don't really feel that way about him. If it comes to that, I could consider it."

The room fell silent, and the sound of Spike, now snoring up in his room, could be heard. Twilight though for a minute, thinking about how Spike would ask Rarity, eventually. If Rarity didn't already have a date by then, it would crush him if she said no. If she already had a date, however, he would probably understand she already made plans. She decided to remain silent.

"So, Fancypants as a Plan A. Do you actually have a thing for him?" Rainbow asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rarity nodded slowly. "Yes, sort of. He's handsome, smart, kind, and very successful. Most mares would fall for him fairly fast."

"Ah have to agree there," AJ said. "If you put those qualities into somepony less... Well, fancy, Ah's fall fer 'em pretty fast."

Rarity growled. "Don't get any ideas."

The group laughed. "Nah, he's way too fancy for me," the orange cowpony said, still laughing.

Rarity laughed, too. "I understand. While we're on the subject," she said, "do you have anypony in mind?" She nudged AJ's side, grinning.

Applejack blushed. "Well," she started, her eyes wandering, "Ah guess? There's a guy ah got in mind."

"Well, do tell, dear," Rarity said.

"Well, ya'll know Caramel, right?"

The group stared at her for a bit, thinking. "I... I don't think so..." Fluttershy said, quietly.

AJ sighed. "Ah thought not. But ya know what?" she said with a smile. "That makes it better. Ya'll can't get in the way!" She laughed a bit, and the group just stared at her.

"Anyway!" Twilight said. "Moving on. Any ideas, Fluttershy? Any specific colt you have a crush on?"

Fluttershy meeped. "Oh... I guess. There's this one colt... He's nice." She was so quiet, that, if not for the acoustics of Twilight's house, she would have been inaudible.

"Who?" Twilight pressured. "Surly we know him."

"Oh... You do. But... I... I don't feel comfortable talking about it," the yellow pegasus said, hiding behind her hair.

"We understand, sugarcube." Applejack said, nodding. "Now," she started, mischievously, "how 'bout you, Twilight?"

"Oh... Me?" Twilight said, blushing. "I really don't know. I was never really for all this 'dating' stuff."

Rarity chuckled. "Surly there's somepony in town you like. A scholar, a scientist, anypony?"

Twilight thought for a minute, then opened her mouth back. "I don't know if he's really a doctor, but I guess Dr. Whooves is quite... Attractive," she said with a blush. "I know him a bit. He seems nice. But he is weird, to say the least. He's always going on about these 'Daleks' and something called a 'Tardis' to himself. Never stopped to ask what they were."

"That guy's a bit loco in the coco," Pinkie said. "Sure you wanna try him?" She leaned in to Twilight and whispered something in her ear. "I think he has brain damage."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You're one to talk, Pinkie. He's probably smart, though. And his accent is really cute," she said with a giggle. "Do you have any ideas, Pinkie?"

The cotton-candy maned mare shook her head vigorously. "Nopey dopey! I'm sure I'll find somepony very soon, though! Maybe a baker or a chef and they'd have to be REALLY nice and funny and they'd have to not be perverts--"

Twilight clamped her mouth telepathically like Rarity earlier. "Ok then. On toooooooo..." she turned her head slowly and stopped at the last mare in the room with a grin. "Rainbow Dash. Do you like somepony?"

Rainbow stared at her friends, worried. "Oh... No, not really," she said, with the words "Blatant Lie" written all over her face.

"C'mon, Rainbow, tell us," AJ said, glaring at the cyan daredevil.

"If that's ok with you..." Fluttershy whispered from behind her hair.

"No! I don't wanna!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fluttershy, I can understand not telling us. But seriously, Rainbow, tell us!"

The five leaned in closer to Rainbow, pressuring her to tell. She began to sweat, and, as she succumbed to the power of peer pressure, she opened her mouth to talk. "Ok ok! The pony I have a crush on is..."

She was cut of by somepony stumbling into the door. The weight of said pony pushed the loosely hinged door open, and a blue pegasus colt stumbled into the room. He looked around the room. He was covered in ash and limping. "Well," he said, "this was unexpected."

"SOARIN?!" Rainbow exclaimed in surprise.

He grinned at the mare of his dreams. "The one and only." He then proceeded to pass out on Twilight's floor.

CMC Short: Cutie Mark Crusaders: Date Finders! YAY!

Inside the Cutie Mark Crusader Tree House late at night, three young fillies who probably should have been sleeping were wide awake, examining four letters they were now confronted with. The extra letter was for the yellow earth pony filly, Apple Bloom, and it served as a invitation for her family. It was in a pink envelope, but the other three were all in dark blue envelopes.

They were from Luna.

Luna had invited a whole class of fillies to a Gala in Canterlot. Of course, she made sure they would be chaperoned. You may ask why Luna would do that, and the answer is simple. The foals in the Ponyville School were her friends. She had sent enough invitations to her best friend in Ponyville, Pipsqueak, for him to hand out to any child in his class that would want to go.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom, looked over their letters one last time. "So, ah reckon we gotta bring 'dates'?" Apple Bloom asked, looking up from the letter.

Scootaloo put a hoof to her chin and thought. "I don't know. Princess Luna didn't mention anything about them here."

Sweetie Belle looked up from her letter, too. "I heard Rarity saying something about 'required dates' before she left. Does that apply to us?"

The Crusaders sighed together. "Maybe," Apple Bloom said.

Scootaloo's face brightened up. "Hey! You guys know what? We could get our Cutie Marks for finding dates!"

"Or findin' dates fer other ponies!" Apple Bloom added.

"Like matchmakers! Wait," Sweetie Belle said, a little sadness in her voice. "We tried that last year with Miss Cheerilee. Remember how well that turned out?"

"We won't use Love Poison this time," Scootaloo said with an eye roll.

"Even so," Sweetie Belle said, "we should stick to just trying to find dates for each other."

The other two nodded in agreement. "We need to find ourselves the perfect dates!" Scootaloo declared zealously. "They'll have to be cool!"

"And kind!" Apple Bloom added.

"And cute!" Sweetie Belle said, giggling a bit. Her comment received a giggle from her friends, too.

"So we each need somepony cool, kind, and cute," Scootaloo said with a nod.

"Ya'll got anypony in mind?" the young cowpony asked. Her friends stared back blankly.

"Not really..."

"No. Not at all."

Apple Bloom facehoofed. "Well, neither do ah. Ah guess we'll have to work pretty hard to find' our dates, then."

Her friends nodded in agreement. "Right," Sweetie Belle said, "but hard work never stopped us before!"

The group was interrupted by a loud crash of thunder and a flash of lightning. The three shrieked, and gale force winds blew one of their windows open. Rainwater was blasted into the tree house, soaking Scootaloo, who shrieked again. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell rushed over to the window and closed it.

"At least I'm not covered in tree sap and feathers," Scootaloo groaned. Her friends laughed.

Get Me Some Damn Pie!

Soarin opened his eyes groggily. Sweet Makers, everything hurt! Well, he thought, I was struck by lightning. He laughed quietly to himself and looked around a bit. He was resting on a comfortable bed inside a strange house. Six mares and a small dragon surrounded him. Odd. He'd never really seen much dragons around here. Well, there was that one time.

"He's waking up!" He heard a partially angelic voice say. Is this heaven? He saw the face of the angel leaning over him, grabbing at his shoulders with her hooves. It was a beautiful cyan-colored mare, with long slender wings. A chromatic mane topped her perfectly round head, and she had deep violet eyes that were filled with compassion.

Oh wait, it was just Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash, an angel, they were the same thing to Soarin.

"His eyes are open!" Rainbow cried. "Soarin? Can you hear me?" She was shaking him at this point. Soarin nodded weakly. He didn't try and talk.

"Oh my, what happened?" A white mare approached Soarin. She gently pulled Rainbow's hooves away from him. He coat was white as a marshmallow, and she had a deep purple mane set up in a curly fashion.

Ooh, she's kinda hot! Soarin though to himself. He mentally slapped himself in the face. He had to keep his eyes on the prize! Rainbow was his goal, not this quadrupedal marshmallow.

"What happened?" Soarin groaned, leaning up a bit. "I got struck by freaking lightning, that's what happened!" The seven surrounding him gasped, especially one butter-yellow colored pegasus in the corner, hiding behind a pink mane.

"Struck by lightning?" a lavender mare standing close to the previously mention marshmallow screamed. Oh Celestia, I can SMELL the lavender! "How?"

"Well," Soarin started, rubbing behind his neck, "I was going out to get my dry cleaning." Is that believable?

"Dry cleaning?" he heard Rainbow shout. She grabbed at Soarin and shook him. "Are you insane? In this weather?"

"Yup," he said, a little dizzy from her shaking. His eyes rattled in his head.

"Why weren't you wearing your Wonderbolt suit? Isn't it lightning-proofed?" Rainbow asked, sounding incredibly worried.

"That's what I was getting from my dry cleaners." Ok, that was NOT a lie.

"Oh," Rainbow said, frowning.

"Wait," she talking marshmallow interrupted, "how is the suit lightning-proofed?"

"Rarity, is this the right time for this?" the lavender scented-candle with hooves asked. She seems familiar... All of these mares do...

"No... I guess not," the marshmallow answered, now revealed to be Rarity.

"Its fine," Soarin said, flexing his wings. Mares are attracted to impressive wings, right? Does this impress Rainbow Dash? "We got some unicorn to find a spell that put a weather-proof spell on the suits."

"Twilight, do you have a spell like that?" the marshmallow- excuse me, Rarity- asked the scented candle. Guess her name's Twilight... Wait a minute...

"Why? Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," Rarity started, "It would be a neat trick to use on some of my dresses. I could, for an extra fee, weather-proof dresses for clients needing them for outdoor events." She smiled. "I'm sure they'd enjoy it, and I could make some extra money."

"I think I might have one of those," Twilight said, looking around. Soarin only now realized he was inside of a massive library. The walls were lined with books. All kinds of books: Nonfiction, fantasy, adventure, history. It was the most impressive collection Soarin had seen outside of the Canterlot library.

"How did I miss that...?" he mumbled.

"Spike," Twilight called to the young dragon, "find me Cloud Sweeper's Guide to Weather-Related Magic, stat!" The dragon nodded enthusiastically and rushed to grab a rolling ladder.

"On it," the dragon, named Spike, apparently, yelled happily. He was climbing up the ladder and scanning the gigantic bookshelf on Soarin's left.

"He's... He's your assistant?" Soarin asked, confused.

"Well, yeah," Twilight said."I've raised him from an egg. Why do you ask?"

Soarin chuckled. "Not every day you see a dragon in a library." He sniffed the air. Besides Twilight's velvety smell, he could also smell apples and... Was that cotton candy? "What smells like apples and cotton candy?" he blurted out, unexpectedly. Why'd I say that?

The entire group laughed, even the butterscotch pegasi in the corner. Spike fell of his ladder. Rainbow, who was still very close to Soarin, wiped a tear of laughter away from her eye. She's rather adorable when she's laughing.

"That'd be us, sugarcube," and orange earth pony wearing a stetson answered. She gestured to an extremely pink, cotton-candy maned fellow earth pony.

"Yepperooni!" the cotton-candy mare shouted. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She dashed over to Soarin, pushing past everypony, and shook his hoof rigorously. "It's nice to meet you! You're a Wonderbolt! That's reeeeeaaaalllllly cool! You know Rainbow Dash is a really big fan of you guys? But she talks about you more than most of the other Wonderbolts, did you know that? She says that you're really really really really fast and agile and-"

Soarin cut her off by pulling a hoof out of the hoofshake and stuffing it into her mouth. "That's nice. It's nice to meet you, Miss Pie. I like pie." He thought for a moment. "I'd like some pie right now. Someone get me some damn pie!"

Five figures in the room gasped at his language. One remained silent, and one laughed. Spike was too busy looking for the book, and Rainbow fell down laughing.

"Soarin!" Twilight said. "Language! And Rainbow! Stop acting so immature!"

Soarin shrugged. "I'm an ex-solider. Expect me to talk like one." Rainbow laughed even harder, and Spike chuckled a bit. I'm making Rainbow laugh... A lot! I better keep this up.

The five surprised mares just stared. The butterscotch pegasus looked a shocked, frighted even. "So..." Soarin, breaking the silence. "How 'boat that pie?"

The orange- actually, see was more of a tangerine color- spoke up. "Ah think some apple pie would be nice 'round this time."

Very country, Soarin thought. The mare turned around and went over to what appeared to be Twilight's kitchen. Soarin noticed her cutie mark, a trio of apples that rendered her orange coat ironic. Wait... Apples... Stetson... So familiar. "Pinkie, would ya mind lendin' me a hoof?"

"Absopositalutely!" Pinkie said, zapping over to the cowpony to help her whip up something. They grabbed a sack of apples from what must have been a pantry.

"You two, if you were the same pony and a colt, remind me of a friend I once had," Soarin said, finally making the connection. They had similar attributes to an old college buddy and friend.

"Really?" the cowpony said, glancing over her shoulder.

"Yeah," Soarin said, nodding. "An old friend. I haven't seen him in years, though."

The group stood there for a bit. Quiet awkwardness. Soarin looked around the room, and finally decided to try and get up. He leaned up and stepped slowly onto the floor. "ARGH!" he cried out in pain. He fell over and grimaced.

"Soarin!" Rainbow cried. She rushed to his side and knelt down next to him. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I just think I injured one of my legs in the crash," he said, trying to get up a bit. Rainbow helped him up, and he put it injured leg, the front right, around Rainbow Dash to help him stay stable. Rainbow's face turned red, or at least as red as a cyan mare like herself could get.

Twilight nodded. "There was a slight sprain. Nothing too serious. You'll be fine. You just need to rest," she said.

Soarin sighed. "Never been good at resting," he said.

Twilight chuckled a bit. "You can sleep here for the night. There's a room upstairs."

"Found it!" Spike cried, waving a large purple book around. It was bit heavy for him, and he fell off the ladder due to lack of support.

"Oh, Spikey-Wikey!" Rarity cried. She rushed over to the little dragon to see if he was ok.

Spike stood up and knocked on his tough hide. "I'm almost invincible, Rarity," Spike gloated. "I've belly-flopped in to lava pits. I can stand falling of a ladder." He handed the giant marshmallow mare the book, bound in a leather as violet as her mane.

Just looking at the two, Soarin felt some kind of chemistry. He wasn't sure and didn't want to ask, but he could guess that Spike had a crush on Rarity, trying to impress her like that. He looked over to Rainbow Dash, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact. Did I look like that when I was flexing my wings?

Spike laid the book out on the floor and began flipping through pages, and Rarity sat next to him for when he found the weather-proofing spell.

"She's not usually this excited about magic," Rainbow Dash said. "Twilight's usually the egghead about that stuff."

Soarin nodded. "Weather magic is actually pretty cool, though, but I'm not that interested in it."

Rainbow blushed. "I... Um... I'm the Weather Manager here," she said. "I have... I have a Doctorate in Weather Sciences, and I... I have a Master's Degree in Meteorology..." she whispered in Soarin's ear, making sure no one else heard her.

Soarin's eyes widened. That was completely unbelievable. "Really?" he asked, doubting it.

Rainbow nodded. "I don't like to tell anypony though. They don't let just anypony be a Weather Manager, no matter how small the town."

"That's very impressive, Doctor Rainbow Dash," Soarin whispered.

"That's Dr. Rainbow Dash, M.Sc," she said. The two laughed.

"Well," the cowpony said, "the pie's cookin'. It wont be done fer a while, though."

Soarin sighed. "Phooey," she muttered. "I was pretty hungry."

The cowpony shrugged. "Ah can't make it cook any faster than this," she said. "If ya go ta sleep now, ah'm sure it'll be done in the mornin'."

Soarin groaned. "But I want some pie now!"

Everypony laughed, even the butterscotch pegasus in the back.

Soarin rolled his eyes. "So what, I like pie." He looked around the room and looked at all the mares around him. "Anyway, I don't think I've been formally introduced to all of you yet," he said.

"Right, right," Twilight said. "How rude of us. Well, first off, I'm Twilight Sparkle. Librarian and student to Princess Celestia herself."

Soarin looked at her, surprised. "Well," he said, dumbfounded, "it's an honor to meet the Princess's student. I've heard about her-or you, as it would seem-and it's very nice to meet you."

Twilight blushed. "Please, don't flatter me," she said.

Soarin laughed. "I'm not trying to. It's just very nice to meet Celestia's student. I thought I recognized the name Twilight."

"Ok then," Twilight said. "Moving on. You already know Rainbow Dash fairly well, I take it." Soarin nodded. He hoped he wasn't blushing, but his face was hot. "Pinkie introduced herself already, so I'll get to the rest." At the mention of her name, the cotton candy mare hopped up and down and waved. "That's Rarity," she said, pointing a hoof over to the marshmallow, "and the dragon is Spike, my assistant, but you already know that."

Yes, we already covered that, Soarin though to himself.

"Ok, now, this is Applejack," she said, pointing over to the tangerine cowpony.

"Applejack..." Soarin mumbled. "Like, from the Apple Family?"

AJ nodded. "Yup, that's the one," she said. "Ya heard of us?"

Soarin nodded. "You could say that."

"And that one over there," Twilight said, motioning over to the pegasus in the corner, "is Fluttershy. She's, well, shy. She'll talk to you, eventually."

Soarin laughed. "Okay then. Hi, Fluttershy," he said, waving a hoof at her. Doing so, he lost balance, since his second hoof was still around Rainbow Dash, and he fell down, straight on his face. "Ow," he said, muffled by the floor. This earned a laugh from Fluttershy, who peeked out from under her curtain-like pink mane.

"Hi, Soarin," she said back, waving a hoof.

"Ok, here it is," Spike said from the corner. He pointed to an entry from the book. "I think. Soarin, is this the spell they used for your outfit?"

Soarin got up and motioned over to Spike and Rarity, and Rainbow Dash helped him get over there. He took a good look at the entry on the page before opening his mouth. "Yup. That's the one."

Rarity smiled. "Well, I'm not that good at magic, but this is a spell that would be worth learning!"

Twilight leaped with joy. "Yay! I'm so glad you're showing some interest in a more advanced spell!" With a flash and a pop, she teleported over to Rarity. "I'll help you out with learning it, if you want!"

"She can teleport?" Soarin asked. He didn't know too much about magic, but he knew that was a very advanced and difficult spell.

Rainbow nodded. "She can. She doesn't do it often, but she tends to loose control of most of her magical abilities when she's excited."

Soarin gulped. He didn't want to see a mare with that much power to lose total control. Might blow a town like Ponyville off the map.

"No, Twilight, I think I'll be okay," she said, picking the book up telekinetic. "It's not too difficult of a spell. If you loan me the book, I'll be able to teach myself."

Twilight's ears dropped. "Okay then," she said, fairly upset. "But if you need any help, I'm right here!"

Rarity smiled. "Thank you, Twilight. It's nice to know I can count of you for help."

Soarin yawned, fairly loudly.

The group turned and looked at him. "You must be tired," Applejack said. Soarin nodded, groggily.

"Well," Twilight said, "you need to rest up that ankle. Rainbow, help him to my guest bedroom."

Rainbow nodded. "It's upstairs. C'mon, Soarin, we can fly up there to take it easy on you."

"Thank you," Soarin said with another yawn. The two beat their wings slowly and flew up stairs.

"Spike, why don't you look after him?" Twilight asked.

"Phew," Spike said, wiping his forehead. "Thought you'd never asked. At least I have another guy to hang out with." He scurried up the stairs, following the pair of blue pegasi.

The trio stopped in front of the guest bedroom's door, and Rainbow opened it up. Soarin hobbled in, trying not to hurt his ankle, and Spike followed. "Take it easy," Rainbow said.

Soarin yawned again. "I will." He closed the door behind him. Rainbow trotted back downstairs and rejoined her friends.

Inside the room, Spike grinned at Soarin. "I'm not an idiot," he said. "The girls may not see it, but to another guy, it's kinda obvious."

Soarin gulped. "Crap," he said. "I was worried someone would guess." Soarin struggled into the guest bed, and Spike sat down on the floor next to it.

"We need to talk," he said.

Downstairs, Rainbow's friends were giving her the same look.

"Yeah," Rainbow said, gesturing upstairs, "it's him. He's the colt I like."

The group laughed. "Thought so," Rarity said.

"Yeah, we need to talk," Rainbow said, blushing.

Ex-Marefriends Are Like Zombie Cultists and Other Things Completely Unrelated

It was late at night. It was the perfect time to go for a stroll, play addicting video games, get stuck by lightning, and introduce a more detailed plot and side characters. For some, it was the perfect time do get off of an extremely behind schedule train headed to Dodge Junction.

A yellow earth pony climbed out of the train, glad to finally be there. He would've been bouncing with joy, but he was too tired. He had his stetson pulled over his face to conceal his drowsy eyes and a piece of wheat held between his teeth because he though it looked cool. However, the more and more he held it there, the more he began to think it might have been toxic, because his tongue was swelling up a bit.

It's nothin', he though. He walked through town towards the Dodge Junction Motel, where he would be staying until his next train got here. He walked through the dark streets, a cliche tumbleweed blowing past him. He looked around and realized the tumbleweed had, in fact, been rolled into his path by a colt sticking his head out of a nearby window. He stared at the Traveler for a bit, blinked, and then pulled his head back in slowly. The Traveler sighed and looked up at the town's clock tower, recently constructed for the sole purpose of making the town appear "more western." It read the time, too.

"Hey, you," somepony else who happened to be out this late shouted towards him. "It's four A.M. Why on Equestria are you out in the middle of the streets?"

The Traveler was too tired to answer, and also though the pony asking him seemed to be quite the hypocrite. After all, she was out in the middle of the street too. Well, she was standing on her porch, but it was more or less the same thing.

"Because I've lost control of my life," he answered for comedic purposes.

The mare on the porch raised an eyebrow. "Well, okay then. Were you on the train from Appleloosa?"

The Traveler nodded. "Yeah, ah was. Wasn't too pretty." He sighed.

The porch-residing mare bit her lip. "What exactly happened, anyway?"

The Traveler pointed up towards the storm in the sky. "That happened. A blast of lightning blew a bit of the track up. Nopony was hurt, thankfully." He put his hoof back on the ground. "Took 'em forever to fix, even though only two rails were blown off."

"Oooh, that sounds terrible," the mare said. "Do you have a place to stay tonight?" she asked. "There's always an open room in mah cherry orchard for you to--"

The Traveler cut her off with a wave of his hoof. "Thanks, but no thanks. Ah'm stayin' in a motel." He turned and began walking towards the Dodge Junction Motel, spitting the wheat out onto the ground and pulling his stetson down a bit lower.

"Well, if you're ever in Dodge Junction again, don't be afraid to as for Cherry Jubilee!" she said, waving him goodbye. She stopped and got a good look at his cutie mark; a large apple. Cherry frowned. "Oh."

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

In a totally other location, dimension, and probably completely different time, something totally unrelated that would eventually tie in with the Traveler's adventure in some totally screwed up way was going on. A brown colt was busy rushing around his... Well, to put this simply, he was in a freaking time machine. It also flew through space, on that note. Pretty cool, eh? Anyway! Back to the story.

So yeah, where was I... Oh yeah. Colt running around in a time machine. Ok.

Said colt was storming around the time machine worriedly, checking dials and screens and such, looking other different location readings and things like that.

"Ditzy! We've got a problem!" he yelled at his assistant in the other room. Said assistant, a gray pegasus mare with golden "derpy" eyes, as her friends called them, stumbled into the room. She was bruised and also a bit burned.

"Well, I can see that, Doctor," she said, rolling one eye. "We're crashing again."

"Bloody Daleks," the Doctor muttered. "Even when we blow a ship full of them up, they manage to damage the Tardis." He groaned. "So any idea where we're crash-landing, Miss Doo?" he asked.

"Ponyville," Ditzy said with a sigh.

"Oh, sweet Luna!" the Doctor yelled. "Again?!"

"Yes, again, silly," Ditzy said. "Unless of course you're on a different point on your time stream than last time we did..." She trailed off, looking in two different direction with her eyes.

"I can assure you I'm not," he said with a nod. "Anyway, it's a good town, but we crash there a lot. I guess that's why we bought a time-share there."

"I still find it ironic we're time travelers who own a time share," Ditzy chuckled. The Doctor laughed at that a bit two.

"Yes, it is quite funny." He punched at a few buttons again, and the Tardis shook around. He sighed. "We're getting closer."

Ditzy looked off to one screen with her left eye. "Yeah, we are."

"Prepare the landing gear!"

"Yeah, that's sorta broken."

"Seriously?" the Doctor mumbled. "Bloody Daleks and their bloody lasers."

"Ponyville is in the middle of a severe thunderstorm," Ditzy added. "That might cause a problem."

The Doctor groaned. "That is bad. If we get hit, we might get stranded for a bit."

The Tardis shook again, much more seriously than last time."Seems like we're already getting some of the storm," Ditzy said shakily. "We're in Ponyville airspace now." The lights in the Tardis went out, and it began falling even faster.

"This is going to be bad!" Ditzy yelled. She produced a pillow from seemingly nowhere and pulled it over her head.

"Well," the Doctor gulped, "allons-y."

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

It was night. Still. Same time, different place. Specifically, Canterlot. Specifically, Casa de Fancypants. For those of you don't understand Spanish, that's the House of Fancypants, or the Pants Manor, Fancypants' house, and his father before him, and his father before him, and so on and so forth.

The front door of the manor was swung in (it was one of those ones that opened inward) and two figures walked in. One, of course, was Fancypants, because there's no way he'd be robbed. He had a state-of-the-art security system. He spent thousands of bits on it. The other figure walking in was a smaller gentlecolt, or at least compared to Mr. Pants. This specific colt was Fancypants's new assistant.

Walking into the front room, Fancypants used a bit of unicorn magic to flick a light switch on, lighting up the room.

"Lucky," Fancypants called to his assistant, "put those bags down on the coffee table." He motioned to a small side table by a large window at the side of the room.

"Yes sir, Mr. Pants!" Lucky answered back, carrying a few shopping bags over to said table and placing them down. He took a breath in. "Glad to put those down, Mr. Pants."

"You're such a big help, Mr. Clover. All my old assistants were lazy, poor workers with bad fashion senses," Fancypants said to lucky, walking over to him with a coffee cup held up magically.

"Thank you, sir," Lucky said with a bow. A bit of sweat formed on his brow. "N-now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to show you something, sir."

"What I like about you, Lucky," Fancypants started, not noticing his assistant, "is your work ethic. Being an earth pony, you have a very strict one. It's work first, relax later, with you." He chuckled. "I wish my old assistants were like that."

"Yes, yes, thank you, sir, but if you have the time right now, I'd like to show you-"

"What's this?" Fancypants said, raising an eyebrow. He walked over to his front door, now realizing there was a pink envelope with his name on it. "Oh my!" he gasped, opening it up and reading it. "I've been invited to Princess Cadence's Hearts and Hooves Day Gala!"

"R-really?" Lucky stuttered, fairly surprised. "Mr. Pants! This is amazing!"

Fancypants squeed, which seemed oddly out of character for him. "I know! Oh, what will I wear, who will I bring?" he muttered to himself, trotting in a circle.

"W-well, sir, I've been working on a few projects... Maybe you could wear... One of my outfits...?" Lucky asked, shyly. He traced his hoof in a circle. He doubted Mr. Pants had heard him. He never did.

Lucky did love this job. He accompanied Fancypants to important events, countless parties, and fashion shows. He got to learn about the newest fashions before the even came out and meet tons of important ponies. However, Lucky never got to show anyone his work. He was an amateur fashion designer, and had created many suits and dresses. He'd worn some himself, but being only an assistant, his work was rarely notified.

This made Lucky sad.

"If it's okay, Mr. Pants," Lucky said louder, "I'm going to call it a day."

Fancypants nodded and mumbled inaudibly. Lucky sighed and walked away.

He descended a spiral staircase that lead to his room, located on the first basement level. His room also doubled as a "fashion workshop," as he put it. He had an expensive bed, complete with silk blankets, backed into a corner. Most of the room was occupied by easels, mannequins, fabrics, and dresses. He kept himself busy designing whenever he wasn't working.

He trotted around his room, checking over some of his past projects. A colt mannequin by his bed was garbed in a red, silk tuxedo, a gold-colored ascot, a black dress shirt, and a matching black to hat. It was a suit he had made for himself. He'd spent so much time on it, but he never had an occasion special enough to wear it.

Maybe he'd wear it to the Gala.

Other mannequins dressed in magnificent and flamboyant dresses and suits were scattered across his room, as well as a large amount of hoof-made hats. Lucky liked hats.

He trotted to one of his easels closer to the middle of the room, were his latest design was drawn. It was a fabulous, flowing dress dark as the night sky, accompanied by a long scarf. He had no idea who he'd get to wear it, or if he'd ever get anypony to wear it. He wanted to show Mr. Pants all of his hard work, but he feared he'd never get the chance. Mr. Pants was just too busy to see his work.

"Maybe I could hold my own fashion show," he muttered. "Or I could just have somepony show off my work at the Gala or something like that." He bit his lip and shook his head. "I'll never get the chance..."

He dragged himself over to his bed and plopped down into it, pulling the covers up. Maybe something totally amazing would happen. Maybe he'd get to show off some of his work.

"Who knows?" he said to himself. "The world is a big, strange place. Sometimes miracles happen." He smiled to himself and looked one last time over his room, this time over to a mannequin in the corner of his room.

A colt mannequin garbed in a light red and white striped dress shirt, red suspenders, and a matching red bow tie. Completing the entire ensemble was a brown, tweed sports coat. Lucky looked at it and smiled, turning his head to a rack of bow ties and matching dress shirts and suspenders, ranging from a blue version to a classic black and white one.

"Bow ties are cool," Lucky mumbled, closing his eyes.

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

"C'mon, Auntie! Wont you do it for me? Pretty please?" Cadence whined, following her aunt Luna down a hallway in the Canterlot Castle.

"I'm not doin it, Cadence, and that's FINAL!" Luna said, stomping a hoof and yelling.

Cadence backed away, a little scared. "B-but auntie! It's my birthday! And Hearts and Hooves Day! At the same time!"

Luna groaned. "Cadence! You've had two thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine birthdays before this!"

"And you missed all of them!"

"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess! I was on the moon! And I sent you meteor showers every year on your birthday!"

Cadence raised an eyebrow. "That was you? Huh. Who would've guessed."

Luna rolled her eyes. "I spelled your name out in a constellation. How could you not think it was a present?"

"Huh. I did not think of that."

Did everypony become and idiot while I was gone? Luna thought.

"Still!" Cadence said with a stomp. "Can't you pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaseeeeeeeee make an appearance at my Gala?"

"No."

"Is it that difficult for you to summon a giant, romantic moon for my party?"

"Yes. Well, no. I just don't want to." Luna turned her snout up.

"Why?"

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Luna snickered.

Cadence rolled her eyes. "Auntie, please. I'm a two thousand, nine hundred, and ninety nine year-old immortal alicorn princess of love. I don't have a bedtime."

Luna groaned. "Fine. Everypony hates me. That's why I don't want to."

"But... You invited those fillies..."

"Everypony but them... And the Elements or Harmony, hate me."

Cadence sighed. "Auntie Luna, nopony hates you!"

Luna stomped a hoof. "YES THEY DO!" she blasted at her niece with the royal Canterlot voice.

The two alicorns stared at each other for what seemed like hours before a single tear formed on Luna's face, and she ran down the hall, heading towards her room.

Cadence stared an watched. "Auntie..." she muttered.

A door next to Cadence creaked open, and a tired Shining Armor peeked his head out. "Sweetie? What's wrong?"

Cadence sighed. "It's auntie Luna again."

Shining closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Cadence, she'll be fine. She probably just needs some time alone. C'mon, you still have more invites to send."

Cadence shrugged her wings and slowly made her way back into her and Shining's bedroom. She trotted over to a side table with multiple letters and invitations thrown over it. "I don't have that many left, actually," she said, glancing over them.

"Weren't you going to invite..." Shining paused for a moment. "Ya know... Him?"

"Who?"

"Exactly!" Shining exclaimed. "Weren't you inviting Who?"

Cadence stared at her husband blankly for a bit, and then gasped. "Oh yeah! I was gonna invite him!" She magically lifted up a glowing blue cube left on the table, and, focusing her magic, engraved a psychic message inside of it.

"But how am I going to get this to him?" Cadence asked.

Shining thought for a minute. "I don't know..."

"Maybe auntie Celestia knows?"

Shining laughed. "Even if she did, do you think she'd send it for us? She hates him!"

Cadence laughed again. "I guess that's true. But we still need to get this to him!" She shook the cube around a bit.

"Maybe we just need to focus our magic on him? Teleport it through time and space to reach him?"

Cadence bit her lip. "I suppose... Lets try that." The royal couple both grabbed onto the cube with their magic, and focused their thoughts on their old time-hopping friend. After a minute of struggling, a flash and a pop, the cube disappeared, teleported through time and space to their friend's location. Where ever the hell that was.

They stared at each other.

"Do you think it worked?" Shining asked.

"No," Cadence answered, "but we can hope." The pair laughed. "Lets get some shut-eye, honey."

Shining nodded and climbed into bed, followed by his wife. "G'night, sweetie," he whispered.

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

Technically in the same place, just another room, something else was happening. Luna was being depressed and stuff.

The princess of the night sat on her rump in her room, though she should have been down in the throne room ruling all of Equestria and such. That was her job, after all. Instead, she was in her room, moping. Not necessarily crying, just moping.

"I can't show my face at the Gala, not when a majority of the population is still afraid of me," she muttered to herself. She turned and sneezed into her hair, using its god-like properties as a tissue. "I bet some fillies are having nightmares about me right now!" she said, stifling a tear. "Or rather..."

Luna glanced over to her wall, where a familiar helmet rest on a hanger. The battle helm of Nightmare Moon. "Her."

The night's ruler glared daggers at the armor she once wore with pride, but now clung onto out of shame. The helmet that belonged to her darker side, the Bringer of Nightmare Eternal. Truly the worst villain Equestria ever faced. Luna looked up at the one remnant of Nightmare Moon, thinking about all of the young fillies fearing her. Of Nightmare Moon. Of Luna.

The princess cried.

But then again... There were the Six. They believed in her. They trusted her. They were her friends. "M-maybe..." Luna stuttered, "maybe they could help..." She smiled a bit "And maybe Cadence's Gala is a good idea. If I never stand up and show everypony I'm not that scary, they'll all stay afraid of me." Luna stood up and walked over to the desk in the corner of her room, standing beneath the helm of Nightmare Moon.

"I will go to that party!" she bellowed, royal Canterlot voice slipping out. She levitated up a feather pen and dipped it in ink, and then began scribbling something down on a piece of blue parchment. "I will do as Cadence asked, and everypony will see I'm not that bad!"

"Yes sister, but shouting wont get you anywhere."

Luna turned to see Clestia standing in her doorway, smiling at her.

"Tia?" Luna asked. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Yes, I probably should, but I have to raise the sun in a few hours anyway, and you woke me up." She chuckled a deep chuckle. "What are you writing, Lulu?" Celestia chuckled again.

Luna levitated another piece of parchment and threw it at the other princess. "Don't call me that. You know I hate it." She looked back to what she was writing. "I'm writing a letter to Twilight Sparkle and her friends asking for some help. I'm going to send it via dragonic mail-breath."

"...You mean Spike?"

Luna put a hoof to her chin. "Yes, I believe that is his name."

"Would you like me to send it sister? It's just..." she kicked one of her hooves at nothing in particular, "you've never sent a letter to Spike, and your magic is a bit... Unstable."

"Pffft!" Luna rolled her eyes. "Sister, please! I can manage."

Celestia bit her lip. "Okay sis. If you say so."

Luna stepped back and rolled up the scroll, holding it together with a clip that resembled her Mare-on-the-Moon insignia, which, though reminiscent of Nightmare Moon, looked really cool. She focused her magic on a fixed point, Spike, and the scroll was engulfed by a deep blue flame, and then vanished.

Luna looked over to her sister, who was hiding in the corner with her hair pulled over her eyes. "N-nothing exploded...?" she asked.

Luna laughed. "No, sister," she said. "There was nothing to worry about. Now get up."

"O-okay then..." Celestia said, getting up slowly and watching her step. "What was in the letter, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, just a life-changing offer for Miss Rarity," Luna said, turning and staring out the window.

Celestia stared at her sister, puzzled. "Oh. I see. Well," Celestia said, "I'm going to eat something, get ready for the morning. I promised wonderful temperature tomorrow."

"Still making up for that heat-wave, I see."

"Never again," Celestia said fiercely, glaring harshly at her sister.

Luna chuckled. "Whatever."

Celestia sighed and turned out the door. "Good night, sister."

"And good morning to you." Luna said.

They both chuckled, and Celestia walked out the door, smiling, and closed it behind her.

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

Let's cut to the chase. Evil cultists. About time.

In a secret, underground cavern, a small evil organization was meeting. A circular chamber was the feature room, and that's where everything was happening at the moment.

From three entryways around the room entered three mares, all garbed in black cloaks and hoods, concealing most of their faces. They walked silently to an altar in the center of the room and gathered around it, standing in silence. They stood there for a few moments before one spoke up.

"Hey girls," she said. "It's been a while."

"Hey!" another responded in a singsong voice.

"Hows it going?" the first one asked.

"Shut up, you two," the third one demanded with a proper voice. "She's coming."

The three turned and faced the fourth entryway, from which their leader walked in. Instead of the black cloak the other four wore, she donned a pale yellow, almost white, version of the same outfit. She marched over to the altar, pretty much oozing evil and leader-like authority. She halted when she reached the alter and stood in silence for a moment before opening her mouth to talk.

"The time of year has come again. We must go into action," she said with a creepy monotone.

The other three nodded.

"We must do what we can to make him fail. It's what we do."

The three nodded again.

"But we need not work too hard. He fails by himself."

The other three laughed, and their leader cut them off with a dismissive wave of her hoof.

"But this year is different. This is our target." She produced a picture from her pocket and placed it on the altar.

It was a picture of Rainbow Dash. A picture of her with Soarin. The others gasped.

"Rainbow Dash?" one said, surprised.

"Yes, her. The one we feared," the leader told them. "This will be difficult."

"Indeed," the proper-sounding one said.

"Yes. We will try our best. He must fail; it's what he does." She chuckled. It sounded very creepy with her monotone. "He's failed every other time. It shall not change."

This cult was, in fact, a group of Soarin's marefriends and past dates he successfully screwed up. They swore to work together to ruin all his future attempts at dates and marefriends. So far, they'd done pretty well.

"And now for the ceremonial burning of photographs and pie," the leader said.

They proceeded to burn the photograph, followed by perfectly good pies they all brought with them

(GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION~GENERIC TRANSITION)

Soarin sniffed. "I feel a great disturbance in the force, as if four perfectly good pies were all just ceremonially burned."

"You're crazy, Soarin," Spike said. "I like it. Now... Let's talk.."

TO BE CONTINUED

2x CLIFFHANGER COMBO!