Bis-marked

by SockPuppet

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Flim and Flam, Smolder, Steven Magnet
Length: 1224

The pride of the Kriegsmarine: fifty thousand tons of guns, table games, and slot machines. Senior citizen discount to the buffet.

Battleship Bismarck. The pride of the Kriegsmarine: fifty thousand tons of guns, table games, and slot machines. Senior citizen discount to the buffet.

With discussions and pre-reads from the Samey90, Raleigh, Mockingbirb, and the usual discord crews.

Published 2022-10-08 09:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-08 09:40:01 UTC

"Un"sinkable

Pit Boss Trixie and Casino Manager Starlight looked across the wide array of slot machines and gaming tables that filled the Ponyville Casino (which, before Twilight's move to Canterlot to take up the Crown of Equestria, had been the Castle of Friendship's main banquet hall).

Mr. Waddle played centibit slots in the back corner. That was it. One pony, playing the cheapest game.

"Where are all the customers?" Trixie asked. "It's Friday night. This place should— should— should be busy!"

Trixe walked up to Smolder, who was dressed in a slutty outfit (that drew particular attention to her tail) and held a croupier's rake, standing at a craps table. "Are... are the customers invisible?"

Smolder glared at her and smacked the rake into her left palm.

Starlight looked around. Ocellus and Yona, in skimpy cocktail waitress outfits, held drink trays and waited for orders that seemed unlikely to come. Sunburst sat behind the bar, morosely sampling his own wares. Gallus—dressed in an even sluttier outfit than Smolder—spun his roulette wheel, dropping the ball onto it even though no customers were about. The blackjack and baccarat tables weren't even staffed. "Where's Silverstream? And Sandbar?"

"They took jobs at the new riverboat casino, since it pays more," Smolder said.

Trixie hugged Smolder, making her drop the croupier's rake. "Trixie thanks you for your loyalty!"

Smolder pushed her away. "Loyalty, schmoyalty. Sandbar is an Equestrian citizen, and Hippogriffia has an employment treaty with Equestria, whereas my student visa is only good for this stupid job since it counts as work-study. As soon as Flim and Flam get me a work visa" —she snapped her claw— "I'm gone."

Starlight narrowed her eyes and growled. "Flim and Flam?"

It was a good half-hour trot out of Ponyville into the Everfree Forest to reach the riverfront.

"But Trixie's casino is right in town!" Trixie whined. "Why is all of Ponyville walking out here instead of playing at Trixie's casino?"

"It's Twilight's casino," Starlight said. "And I'm the boss."

"Yes, Trixie's casino."

The ship was a massive wall of steel, painted in garish colors like a circus bigtop. Steam calliopes played jaunty music. Slot machines, crowded with ponies, lined the rails.

Steven Magnet, the sea serpent, wore a giant straw hat and blue-and-white striped shirt. He coiled half in and half out of the river at the gangplank. "Welcome, welcome!" he cried. "Welcome to the Equestrian Battle Casino Royale!"

"Oh heck," Trixie said. "Their name is more clever than ours."

"More clever than 'Ponyville Casino'?" Smolder said. "That's a shock. How long did your committee study and test out that name?"

"Six weeks," Starlight said. "Hi, Steven. How're you?"

"Staaaarlight!" he cried. "Flim and Flam told me you might come check out the competition!"

"Well, ha ha," Starlight said, "here we are!"

"They also told me not to admit you under any circumstances."

"What?" Starlight shouted.

"Sorry." Steven shrugged. "Smolder, looking forward to you getting a start date!"

"Thanks, Steven. Can I go talk to Spike?"

Steven Magnet gestured Smolder up the gangplank. She headed up at a jog.

"Spike works here?!" Starlight gasped.

"He's in charge of pony resources. He's helping with Smolder's visa application." The sea serpent crossed his arms over his chest. "Bye-bye."

Starlight and Trixie headed back around the first bend of the trail, out of sight of the casino. They still heard the jaunty calliope music and the bright lights left the high cirrus clouds glowing above them.

"C'mon," Starlight said, putting a hoof on Trixie's withers.

"Wha—"

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕚𝕥𝕪

"—Starlight! Tell me before you teleport us!"

Starlight plopped down to her butt, sitting on the deck. "Oof. I hate teleporting... through... cold... steel..."

She laid down and passed out, drooling heavily.

Trixie looked around. She heard the electronic noises of slot machines echoing through the bulkheads but couldn't identify which direction to go.

Zephyr Breeze banged through the hatch. "I thought I heard you two ladies. Did you miss me?"

"Who are you?" Trixie said. "And no, I can't imagine anypony missing you under any circumstance."

"Security!" He gestured at his dark suit and white shirt. "Flim and Flam said you two aren't allowed."

Starlight opened an eye. "Zelda?"

He glared. "Zephyr."

"They gave you a job, Zephyr?"

"No pony else would mop up all the bodies and sanitize the decks. You would not believe the mess when this thing showed up! It smelled like cordite, saltwater, and Pervitin."

Starlight got to her hooves and swooned. "I... I wanna see the main gaming room."

Zephyr rolled his eyes. "Follow me."

"This isn't a gaming room," Trixie said.

"It's the nightly fireworks display!" Zephyr said.

Trixie danced and squealed.

"Here, look through this viewer." Zephyr gestured to a fifteen-inch opening.

Trixie stuck her head in. "It's just a long, empty tube!" she said, her voice echoing.

Zephyr jammed a large powder bag against her ass, rammed her up the barrel, and slammed the breech behind her.

Trixie and Starlight sat in the outpatient clinic at Ponyville hospital. Nurse Redheart wrapped Trixie's ears with gauze and Starlight sat still, getting an IV to replace the magical fluids lost teleporting into, and then back out of, the cold steel citadel of the riverboat casino.

"You two need to go home and rest," Redheart said, leaving the room.

"Now what?" Starlight said.

"Huh?" Trixie shouted, rubbing her bandaged ears. "I can't hear you on account of I got shot out of a fifteen inch gun!"

Starlight frowned, drumming her forehooves on the counter. Then she smiled.

"What the heck is this?" Trixie said, looking at the fabric-covered biplane sitting in the center of the pentagram. "Don't let the summoning candles set it on fire." She kicked the torpedo slung down the centerline.

Starlight removed her black and crimson summoning robes. "The spell is 'summon nemesis'. We just have to trust the dark forces of the universe to be helping us."

"Can a fabric covered biplane really be the nemesis of fifty thousand tons of steel, slots, and table games?"

Starlight shrugged.

"Well, it's a two-seater," Trixie said. "I call 'pilot'."

Pit Boss Trixie and Casino Manager Starlight looked across the wide array of slot machines and gaming tables that filled the Ponyville Casino (which, before Twilight's move to Canterlot to take up the Crown of Equestria, had been the Castle of Friendship's main banquet hall).

Mr. Waddle played centibit slots in the back corner. Dozens of other ponies played the other slot and poker machines, and dozens more played at the gaming tables. A cheer went up from the craps table, Lyra bouncing frenetically and Bon Bon hugging her.

Smolder glared sourly and used her croupier's rake to push a large pile of chips to Lyra. Star Tracker stood behind Smolder, enjoying the sight of her tail in the slutty uniform. She then hit him between the ears, breaking her rake.

"Well," Trixie said, "I was wrong. A fabric covered biplane is the nemesis to fifty thousand tons of steel."

Flim and Flam stormed into the casino, bedraggled and stinking of river water.

"You," Flim (or possibly Flam) snarled.

Flam (or possibly Flim) continued, "sunk my battleship."

The End

Author's Note

Mudbriar: "Technically, Zephyr Breeze scuttled it."

Never understood why wehraboos stan the Bismarck. It got rekt by fabric-covered biplanes.