Dusk slowly settled upon Ponyville, a soft orange glow fading away as a reminder of where the sun last shone. In a little building near the train station, a pair of unicorns walked in, smiles across both their faces.
Of the two unicorns, one was male – a stark white coat, a brown mane, and a cutie mark of three footballs. The other had a bright pink coat, a soft purple mane done up in a bouffant, and a cutie mark of three different cookies.
The mare took a deep breath. “Mmm! I smell fish; your favorite, Hondo!”
Taking a sniff himself, the Hondo Flanks almost seemed to relax. “Yep, they’ve got some good cod cookin’ here!”
He and Cookie Crumbles sat themselves down at the bar, where they were quickly approached by one of the bartenders.
“Well hello y’all, welcome to Wet Whistle; I’m Tap, what can I get ya?” a middle-aged stallion pouring a pint asked. He squinted “Wait, you two haven’t been here before, now have ya?”
They shook their heads.
He slid the pint down to one of the other ponies at the bar. “How rude of me then; I haven’t given y’all time to look over my grand collection of the finest liquors in the Canterlot Valley!” he spoke, gesturing towards the grand shelves of liquor that adorned the back wall of his bar.
“Ooh! So many choices!” Cookie exclaimed in glee, squeezing her forelegs around Hondo.
“I’ll give you two time to look over the options,” he said, pulling out a drink menu. “Here’s some complimentary peanuts for the time bein’.” A dish of shelled peanuts was set upon the bar.
After looking over the menu for only a moment, Cookie broke eye contact with it like a light bulb went off. She poked her husband. “Hondo, look at this!” She pointed to an item on the menu.
“We’ll take two pints of that fresh apple cider!” Hondo declared to the bartender.
Tap raised his hoof, ready to say something in response, but was cut off by a booming voice from the door.
“CIDER DELIVERY!”
Hondo and Cookie turned to see a pale yellow stallion with a bright red mane and a sandy-brown stetson standing in the doorway, with a large barrel upon his back.
“Sweet Apple Acres Cider, fresh outta the cellar!”
Everyone looked at him blankly. “The good stuff,” he winked.
The rest of the bar erupted in a cheer.
“Wow, that really is fresh cider!” Hondo exclaimed.
The yellow stallion walked on in with his barrel, setting it down as Tap approached him. A barrel then got rolled in by a mare with a pale orange coat, a frizzy orange mane, and a jar of fruit preserves as her cutie mark. A filly in her mid to late teens walked in behind her, holding a clipboard; she bore a yellowish-cream coat, with a straight-banged amber mane tied back into a ponytail, and cutie mark of three orange slices.
“Don’t worry folks, your cider’ll be ready in just a few minutes!” Tap called out to Hondo and Cookie.
After a couple minutes of watching barrel after barrel be rolled into the kitchen by the yellow stallion and the pale orange mare, the mare walked out of the back and sat down at the bar a couple seats away from Hondo and Cookie.
“Whoo! Just rollin’ those barrels takes a lot outta ya!” she spoke.
“You look like you could use a glass of the stuff yourself!” Hondo said.
The mare looked over. “Pff! A glass? I’d need five before it’d have any affect on me! Name’s Buttercup. Buttercup Apple.” She held out her hoof.
“Hondo F. Belle.” He held out his hoof for a hoofshake, which Buttercup obliged by grabbing and vigorously shaking, causing Hondo to slip right off his barstool and onto the floor.
Buttercup looked down at him in mild shock. “I’m so sorry; are ya alright?”
“Never better!” Hondo replied, getting back up. “Ya got a real winner of a hoofshake there!” Hondo grabbed Cookie and squeezed her against him with his hoof. “Anyways, this this is my wife, Cookie.”
Cookie silently waved at Buttercup, grinning.
“The one with the hat’s my husband, Bright Mac,” Buttercup replied, “An’ the short one with the clipboard is my sister-‘n-law, Honey Belle.”
“Pleased ta meet ya ponies!” Cookie stated.
Buttercup noticed the plate of peanuts. “Y’all mind?”
Hondo shook his head. She took the entire dish of peanuts and poured several into her mouth – still in the shell – after which she began to chew, both cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk.
“So, five whole glasses.” he said. “Could almost give me a run for my money!”
“Oh? You puh ih dowhn hard too?” she said through her puffed cheeks, spewing out some and bits of peanuts and shells in the process.
Hondo nodded. “Got first place in the Neigh Jersey Seaside Alehouse Drinkin’ Contest last year!” he declared, popping a stray peanut in his mouth that had been launched into his mane.
Buttercup swallowed. “HA! A Neigh Jersey drinkin’ competition!?” She laughed. “I bet I could still walk in a perfectly straight line by the time a city slicker like you is passin’ out!”
“Oh really? Well I’ve been sneakin’ drinks since I was fifteen!” Hondo leaned in towards Buttercup.
“My dad gave me my first bottle ‘a beer when I was twelve!” Buttercup leaned in further.
Their stare was interrupted by a voice from behind Buttercup. “Ready ta go?” Mac called out, having exited the kitchen with Honey.
Buttercup blinked and looked back. “Huh? Oh, uh, hold on jus’ a minute there Mac.”
Mac raised an eyebrow.
“Ugh, what now?” Honey groaned, rolled her eyes.
Buttercup looked back at Hondo. “How about we have our own little drinkin’ game, right here, right now? Last pony standin’.”
“Seriously!? You’re thinking of having a drinking competition!?” Honey barked.
“Sure; a lil’ cider never hurt anypony!”
“Burnt Oak’s uncle Stein died by drinkin’ too much!”
Buttercup waved her hoof. “Oh c’mon now, I’m sure Burnt just said that ta be funny. ‘Sides, if that story was real, his uncle would’ve been stopped after tryin’ ta use a table as a trampoline!”
“True or not,” Hondo spoke, “If a lil’ cider is what ya think it takes ta knock a pony out, then this champ-to-be will usin’ you as a trampoline in no time!” Hondo declared, boastfully pointing at himself.
“That’s what you think!” Buttercup playfully retorted. “I see that soft start of a beer belly; looks like the perfect jumpin’ pad ta me!”
“So, what are ya thinkin’ on the winnin’s?” Hondo asked.
Buttercup tapped her hoof to her chin. “Hmm...How ‘bout if you win, ya get a keg of cider on the house.”
Hondo leaned in. “And if I lose?”
“You pick up the tab on all the cider we drink.”
“Sounds exciting!” Cookie exclaimed.
“Sounds like my family is insane...” Honey muttered to herself. “Ow!” A mild jab was given to Honey, courtesy of Bright Mac.
Hondo looked directly at Buttercup. “I’m in,” he stated.
She smirked in response.
“Buttercup, might I remind you that this was supposed to be a quick delivery, and that Mom’s gonna be wonderin’ where we are if we don’t get back?” Honey said.
Buttercup waved her hoof. “Honey, you’re worryin’ too much! Why can’t ya just learn ta have a little fun? ‘Sides, this ain’t gonna take long.”
“Says you,” Hondo quipped.
Buttercup glanced up at her husband. “Y’know what? Mac, you’ve been awfully quiet in all this; what do you think?” Buttercup asked, turning to him.
Mac blinked. “Well, uh –“
“We can take Honey’s advice and jus’ go home, or, we can have a little fun after a hard day’s work!”
He looked at his sister; she glared.
He bit his bottom lip. “Honey does have a point...”
Buttercup batted her eyelashes and gave a cutesy smile.
Mac’s face tensed. He looked between his sister and his wife.
“Might help us make a new Apple Family Tradition later,” she said in an extra smooth voice.
Mac’s face turned a deep red, and he took his hat off and started fanning his face. “Well...I can’t exactly say ‘no’ ta that,” he said, trying to keep a straight face as he walked over to her.
Honey groaned as she rolled her eyes and followed.
Tap stood at the bar, two glasses of cider in front of him. On the other side of the counter, seated a stool away from each-other, was Hondo and Buttercup, each staring at the other with a determined smirk. A few short feet away, Mac, Cookie, and Honey were seated at a dining table, each with their own glass of cider, and the latter anxiously tapping her hoof as she continually checked a clock on the wall.
“Alright everypony,” Tap announced. “Before we begin, I jus’ wanna take a moment and give a brief refresher on the rules. Whoever passes out first, loses.”
Buttercup and Hondo nodded.
“And there is no time limit. But! Ya have ta finish at least one glass of cider every five minutes; gotta keep that nectar flowin’. Alright, are y’all ready?”
“Absolutely,” Buttercup replied.
“Never been more ready!” Hondo declared.
“Okay then; BOTTOMS UP!” Tap announced, sliding the two glasses of cider over to the two ponies.
In unison, Hondo and Buttercup took their glasses, gulped them down in a single go, slammed their glasses down, and wiped the cider off their lips. Each looked at each-other and immediately engaged in a long burp, trying to hold their own longer than the other.
Buttercup’s finished first, causing Hondo to raise his hooves up as he shouted “YEAH!”
“GO HONDO! SHAKE THOSE FLANKS!” Cookie shouted, jumping out of her seat and swaying her rump back and forth in a mini-dance.
“Absolutely disgusting,” Honey muttered, scrunching her nose and fanning her face instinctively.
“One down,” Buttercup stated as soon as they were done.
“That’ll be the number of ponies down before you know it!” Hondo teased.
“Aw, how considerate of you ta concede!” she mocked.
“Tap!” Hondo called out.
Two fresh glasses slid down the countertop. Each took a swig.
Setting the glasses down more casually this time, the two sat in momentary silence until Hondo spoke up. “So, how’d you an’ your husband meet?”
Buttercup looked up. “Oh we’ve been friends since childhood!” she replied. “Ain’t that right, Mac?”
“Eeyup! ‘Long as I can remember!” he called out.
“When’d you an’ Cookie meet?”
Hondo laughed. “We met back in highschool. First day, actually!”
“Lemme guess, Cookie dropped her books at your hooves?” Honey deadpanned.
“Nope, it was all thanks to our classmate, Brute Force!”
“Oh? Did he introduce you two, or set y’all up to sit together at lunch or something?” she asked.
“Nah,” Cookie responded. “He just shoved us in the same locker.”
Honey’s head pulled back as her mouth twisted and her eyebrows furrowed in perplexed shock. Mac and Buttercup burst out laughing.
“Well...I’m sure that gave you some time to get to know each-other...” Honey commented, taking a drink of cider.
“Oh you’re absolutely right! It made those seven hours feel like a breeze!”
Honey nearly spit out her cider. “Of...course...” she responded, uneasily.
Hondo slammed down another glass. “So Buttercup, got a specific plan for foals?”
Buttercup set down the glass she was drinking. “Mhmm. I wanna go to fifteen. Fourteen fillies with one colt.”
Hondo did a double take.
“My goodness!” Cookie remarked.
“But why?!” a confused Mac exclaimed.
“Because,” Buttercup took a gulp of her cider as she looked at him, “If I die, youan’ our colt will be stuck attendin’ tea parties between chores!”
“Now wait jus’ a minute!” Mac called out.
Buttercup giggled. “Gotcha!” She took another drink and looked back at Hondo. “But seriously; I’m thinkin’ at least five; not too many, not too little. Don’t really care on the number of colts or fillies.”
“I know Cookie wants to try for four,” Hondo said, “she’s thinkin’ she can get all fillies.”
Cookie furrowed her eyebrows. “Hondo?”
“Yep?”
“I don’t recall sayin’ that to you,” she informed, a slight edge of irritation in her voice.
“Well of course you didn’t; I got that from your diary!”
Cookie’s face turned a much redder pink as she blushed in embarrassed aggravation. “You read my diary!?”
Buttercup giggled slightly. “Uh-oh!” she playfully spoke.
Hondo nodded. “Uh-huh! Senior year. Same year ya went as Princess Celestia for homecoming. Can’t forget that comment from Bean Trellis ya wrote down about your costume; ‘You look like the Princess if all that cake caught up with her’!”
“SHE REALLY DOES!” Buttercup yelled, bursting into laughter.
Hondo laughed along side her. “There really was some good stuff in there!”
Cookie sat, mouth slightly open, her entire face bright red.
“Need another cider?” Mac asked her.
She nodded.
“So Hondo,” Buttercup asked, “when did ya get yer first taste of alchohol?”
Hondo chuckled. “That’d have ta be the first time I went to a hoofball game. Guy behind us spilled his beer all over me. That was my first taste of the liquid gold.”
“Is that when ya started sneakin’ ‘em?” Buttercup asked.
“Oh heck no! I was eight when that happened, the stuff tasted awful ta me at the time. The sneakin’ didn’t come until I stole a whole case of beer from Cookie’s dad.”
“Hondo, I got grounded for a month because of that!” Cookie stated.
Hondo chuckled. “Whoopsie-daisy!”
Cookie took a new fresh glass of cider from Mac and gulped a quarter of it down.
“Now Hondo, ya say y’all are fans of hoofball?” Buttercup asked.
He nodded. “Best sport in Equestria! Played it all throughout highschool; it’s even my special talent!”
“What position?”
“Wide receiver!”
“-Of all the sweat-soaked equipment,” Cookie giggled.
“Cookie!” Hondo whined.
“What? Ya don’t want me tellin’ them about your equipment-manager nickname of ‘Hon-Damp Flanks’?”
Hondo’s face turned bright red. “Cookie! At least let me keep some dignity!”
“Just returning the favor from earlier!”
Hondo sighed and took a long drink.
Buttercup studied the cider in her glass. “Well y’know,” she looked back up at Hondo, “I’ve got a sport that’ll really knock ya off yer hooves – probably even literally!” Shefinished off her glass, smackingit back down on the counter. “Buckball.”
“Buckball?”
“Mhmm.” A new glass was slid down to Buttercup and she took a drink from it. “Two teams, six players, one goal: get the ball in the bucket.”
Hondo took a casual sip of cider. “Sounds like basketball.”
“Way different.” She looked over at the table of the others. “Allow me ta demonstrate. Mac!”
Her husband looked over.
“Clear a space, I’m gonna introduce Hondo ta buckball.”
He saluted her and immediately began moving tables and chairs out of the way.
“I’ll be right back,” Buttercup stated to Hondo, before getting up and heading outside.
“-WUAH!” While reading a magazine, Honey reached forward for her cider glass that sat on the now-relocated table, and instead faceplanted into the floor. “What the-?” She stood up and looked around.
Buttercup walked back in carrying a rope.
“What’s the rope for?” Mac asked.
“Well you’re an earth pony, Cookie’s a unicorn, but we’ve got no pegasus now do we?”
Mac rubbed his hoof against his chin. “You’re right.”
“So,” Buttercup said as she turned to Honey, who was still looking around, confused.
Honey locked eyes with Buttercup, after which hers went wide in horror. “Oh no! You are not doing what I think you’re doing!”
Buttercup swung the rope around like a lasso and tossed it over a rafter beam and right over top of Honey, clobbering her to the ground.
Honey immediately got back up, fumbling to try and get the rope off herself. Then, she realized that in getting up, the rope had made it’s way down and around her torso. “Oh no,” she uttered.
Buttercup gave a swift tug and tightened it around the filly’s torso, resulting in a short “HLK!” from Honey. Another pull sent her several feet up in the air, suspended by the rope.
“Hey! Let me down right now, Buttercup!” Honey yelled, flailing her hooves around as she swung back and forth.
“Hmm...nope!” Buttercup responded, tying the rope around a support column. She pulled an idle mop out of a nearby bucket and brought it over to Cookie. “Take thish in ver magic,” she instructed, holding the handle between her teeth.
Cookie did so.
“Alright, now let’s all line up. Mac, you stand in front of Honey, and Cookie, you stand behind her. Oh, an’ make sure ta raise that bucket up in the air!”
All followed Buttercup’s instructions. Meanwhile, she grabbed a basketball from a display setup, and returned to Hondo. “This is buckball!” She tossed the basketball to Mac. “It’s Mac’s job ta try an’ buck the ball inta my goal.”
He demonstrated, kicking it hard enough to bounce off the front wall and right back to Buttercup.
Hondo watched with interest.
“An’ I’m gonna try an’ buck the ball inta his goal. That’s where our pegasus comes in.”
Honey sighed.
“She’s gonna be defense. Her goal is to stop the ball from flyin’ inta the bucket.”
“Okay, but how am I gonna move around when I’m tied to– *BUNK* –OW!” The basketball slammed right into Honey’s muzzle. “Mother of Celestia!...” She rubbed it with her hoof. “Make sure I’m ready next time!”
“Oh c’mon, I didn’t hit ya that hard!” Buttercup called out, giggling.
“You’re also drunk…” Honey muttered.
“So what’s Cookie do?” Hondo asked.
“She’s the goalie for my team; she moves the basket around the outside of the playin’ field with her magic, tryin’ ta catch as many friendly shots as possible. Ta demonstrate:” Buttercup bucked the ball to the side of Honey, allowing Cookie to move the bucket right in the ball’s path. The ball landed cleanly in, causing Honey to get splashed with water.
“BLEH!” She wiped her eyes and looked towards the bucket, then back to Buttercup. “Nice going using a full bucket...”
Buttercup giggled and looked back to Hondo. “An’ that’s all there is to it!”
“Sounds excitin’! Cookie an’ I’ll have to stop by an’ play with you guys some time!”
“Aah! It’d be so fun!” Cookie squealed in delight. Absentmindedly, she moved the bucket towards Honey, ready to hang it on her head.
“Wait! WAIT! WAIT!” Honey shouted in fear before being doused in mop water. She let out a long groan as she pulled the bucket off. She looked around the room. Everyone had sat back down and was talking again. “WILL SOMEPONY GET ME DOWN!?” she screamed.
Mac looked over. “Oh! Sis’! Almost forgot about ya!”
He took a steak knife and sawed through the small rope.
“Thank yOOOU-! OOF!” The filly crashed directly into the ground, backside-up.
“Don’t mention it!” Mac earnestly replied, patting Honey’s elevated rump as he returned to his seat.
“Gosh I hope I get that job in Manehattan...” she muttered to herself.
“Hey Buttercup,” Hondo called out, walking out of the bathroom hallway.
He a gave a bump to a nearly-dozing Buttercup with his flank, both waking her back up and nearly knocking her off her barstool.
“AH!” She grabbed the counter to brace herself “Huh!? Whu?!” she stammered, looking around frantically before her eyes spotted the large muscular flanks of Hondo’s generously sized physique. “O-oh!”
“Got any fears ya have about yer husband?” He asked, pointing over to Mac.
“Hmm…” Buttercup tapped her hoof to her chin. “That he’s cheatin’ on me.”
“What!? Buttercup, I’d never do that an’ you know it!” Mac cried.
Cookie grabbed Mac and gave him a kiss on the lips for a few seconds. “There! Now you’ve done it!” she said, letting him go.
Mac stood there, stunned, a slight blush on his face. “I...Uh...I can’t say I’m not flattered,” Mac said, “But, are ya sure that was – nMMFF!”
Cookie just pulled him in and kissed him again. She let go for a moment, saying “Oh jus’ shut up an’ enjoy it!” before pulling him back in.
“What in Equestria are you two doing!? You’re both married!” Honey exclaimed, pulling him back.
“A-HA!,” Buttercup shouted, pointing at Honey. “I – *hip* – knew it!” She got up and walked over to the table.
Well, tried to walk, anyways.
“I mean, ju’s look at – WOAH!” Buttercup fell flat on her face.
Hondo laughed as he walked over next to Cookie and put his hoof around her. A small squeak escaped her throat as she felt herself be pulled rather tightly against her husband.
Buttercup stood up and shook her head, before continuing to stagger towards her audience.
Mac’s eyes were furrowed. “You feelin’ okay?”
“Never better!” she replied,coming up to them. “BUT! I’ve got this all figured out now! You an’ Honey are in love!”
“WHAT!?” Honey snapped.
“Oh c’mon.” She grabbed Honey and squeezed her against herself. “Ya look almost identical ta me. I know you’ve been – *hip* – usin’ that ta make out with Bright Mac!”
“OH CELESTIA NO!” Honey shouted, pushing Buttercup off.
Buttercup turned her to face her. “Aw, don’t worry, you’re secret’s safe with us, lover gal!”
Mac groaned. “Buttercup, are you seriously thinkin’ that me spendin’ time with Honey lately was cheatin’ on you?”
“...Mmaaaayybe not. But that time in the barn certainly was!”
Honey facehoofed. “Oh for the love of Celestia, HE FELL ON ME!”
“Uh-huh, suurrreeee,” Buttercup giggled.
Honey stood up and started walking Buttercup back towards the her barstool. “Okay, c’mon, let’s just hurry up and finish this; you’re clearly getting too drunk.” She patted the stool with her hoof. “Alright, hop u-”
She paused all actions and looked down. The seat was all wet. “Wait what the hay got spilled on this?”
“Oooh, sorry! I’ve been havin’ a lil’ trouble holdin’ it between breaks,” Buttercup replied, giggling.
Honey’s eyes went wide in horror. She looked down at the barstool, then at her hoof, then up at Buttercup, then back to the barstool. “You mean that this is…? OH GROSS!”
She bolted to the restroom. Hondo burst into laughter as he climbed back onto his own barstool.
Mac tapped Cookie.
“Hm?”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m startin’ ta think that maybe this is goin’ a bit too far.”
Cookie chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “Yeah, ya might be right. We’ve been here for a couple hours now. I’d still give it a little bit though; they can’t go on for too much longer.”
“I suppose so.”
Eyelids drooping, Mac took a sip from a glass of water.
Honey Belle’s face sat stretched, her right hoof pulling it back along her sleeping face.
Cookie’s eyebrows remained in a constant furrow as she listened to her husband and Buttercup continue their hours-long conversation.
“Butturcuhp,” Hondo spoke, a heavy slur in his words, “If ya could meet your huzband aaaall over ahgain – right here – how’d ya do it?”
Buttercup looked over at the others’ table and squinted. “Hmmm...” she got up and weakly staggered over to the table, approaching Mac. “Heeeeey hanshome…” she began as he looked at her. “I hope that ain’t the – *hip* –only hat ya wear! Becaushe Ah’m loohkin’ fer a shtallion who can wear a looooooot of hats!” she giggled.
Mac furrowed his eyebrows. “Buttercup, I love ya, but if that was the first thing ya ever said ta me, I’d probably have just believed the rest of the family about y’all.”
Buttercup knelt down. “Aww, c’mon Mac! Gihve me a – *hip* – chance! Plus Ah’m great with foalsh!” She turned around and scooped up Honey into her forelegs, after which she began to gently rock her. “Rohck-a-bye bahbee, in the tree tohps...”
Honey woke up and winced at the smell of alcohol permeating her sister-in-law’s breath. “UUUGGH! Sweet Celestia, Buttercup, how much have you had!? And what time is it?”
“Whell I can say ya haven’t had enough ta lose yet!” Hondo taunted.
“Oh Ah’ll be wavin’ that check over yer noshe when ya wake up!” Buttercup replied, letting go of Honey and dropping her straight to the floor.
“I dunno, Honey’s got a point,” Mac said.
“Oh, you think?” Honey groaned from below.
“You aren’t doin’ too well, an’ it’s late. Maybe y’all better call a truce.”
“NEHVER!” Buttercup slammed her hoof – and most of her body weight by mistake – onto the table, completely breaking it and collapsing everything to the floor.
“Oh my goodness! A-are you alright dear!?” Cookie questioned.
“Looksh like shomepony’s a little tipshy!” Hondo laughed.
Buttercup fumbled to get up.
“Okay, you’ve had enough, Buttercup!” Mac declared, helping up his wasted wife.
“Sho dohes that mean I win? *hup*” Hondo asked.
“Not on yer life!” Buttercup replied, standing up as she shoved Mac to the side, and staggering back over to the bar while Hondo finished a glass.
Honey arose from the floor, covered in leftover food and drinks, her jaw tightly clenched.
Crawling back onto her barstool, Buttercup finished her own glass. “Oh would yah look at that...Ah’m out!”
“Tap, let’sh get shome more cider flowin’ here!” Hondo called out.
“Sorry folks, I’m all out of cider!” Tap announced.
“What!?” Buttercup cried.
“Youh gohtta be kiddin’!” Hondo exclaimed.
“Oh thank Celestia,” Mac uttered.
“Maybe that’s a sign we should call it,” Cookie said. “I think you’ve had a bit too much as well, Hondo.”
“Too much?! Coohkie, I think you’ve had too much ‘Worry Ale’! Jush enjoy the mohment! ‘Shides; Hondoh Flahnks Belle can nehver have too much alchohol in his flahnks!” He said, slapping his cutie mark with his hoof. “And he nehver givsh up on a drihnkin’ contesht!”
“What are you two even going to drink?” Honey questioned, wiping her face off with a napkin.
Buttercup furrowed her eyebrows. “I shay we put our liquor holdin’ ta the real tesht!”
“Whut are yah thinkin’?” Hondo asked.
“Applejack. It’sh made with applesh, plus, as they shay: ‘beer then shider’...no wait...’shider then beer’...no...’Shider then liq – *hip* – Shider then liquor, nehver shicker!’ There we go!”
“I’m in,” Hondo stated.
“Oh no...” Honey muttered.
“TAP, TWO APPLEJACKS!” Buttercup yelled.
As requested, Tap prepared two glasses of the heavy drink, setting one down in front of each. “I hope you know what you’re doing...” he said, before walking back to the other end of the bar.
“Ready?” Buttercup asked.
Hondo nodded.
“On three… One, two, one...wait...three, one, two, go!”
Both lifted their glasses and downed the liquor. Slamming both glasses back down, they sat in momentary shock.
Hondo blinked. “Wow, that shtuff really packs a pun–“ THUD
He lay on the counter, unconscious.
“YOU WON, BUTTERCUP!” Mac exclaimed.
“WOO-HOOOO!!!!” she cheered, raising her glass in the air as she herself fell backwards off her bar stool and landed flat on the ground.
Mac’s smile stared to fade slightly. “Uh...Buttercup?” He walked over to her and waved his hoof over her open eyes. “You okay?”
Cookie and Honey looked over in concern.
Mac checked her pulse. His face went white.
“Oh Celestia no...”
“Mac...” Honey spoke, uneasily.
“No... No, no, no, no!” He shook his wife’s body. “C’mon Buttercup, speak ta me!”
Cookie rushed over to Hondo and immediately tried to wake him up. “Hondo!? Hondo are you okay?! Wake up!”
Mac sat back, horror across his face. “Oh Celestia she’s dead!”
“D...Dead?” Honey questioned. “W-what are we gonna do!?”
“I-I don’t know!”
Hondo started to lapse back into consciousness from Cookie’s attempts to wake him. “Uehh? Dihd I win?”
“Um,” Cookie responded.
Mac crawled up to the counter. “One applejack,” he requested. “...I’m gonna need all the help I can get...”
Honey dashed next to him. “Oh c’mon Mac, don’t you go poisoning yourself!”
“What in tarnation is happenin’ in here!?” a southern-accented voice yelled from the door.
Everyone looked towards the door to see a green, middle-aged mare with straw-blonde hair tied in a bun, and an amber shawl around her neck.
“BUTTERCUP’S DEAD!” Mac wailed. “She an’ this stallion were havin’ a drinkin’ contest, an’ she jus’...fell over dead! What are we gonna do, Mom!?”
Granny Smith rolled her eyes. “Alcohol poisionin’? Is that what this is about?” She walked over to Buttercup, laid her flat, then jumped in the air overtop of her.
“MOM WHAT ARE YA DOIN’!?” Mac yelled as Granny body-slammed against Buttercup’s chest.
Buttercup immediately gasped as air refilled her lungs and her heart resumed beating.
Granny climbed off of her. “There, good as new.”
“Buttercup, you’re alive!” Mac exclaimed, ready to hug her.
“Oh Celeshtia Ah feel like Ah goht hit by a – *ulk* –TRAIN!” she sputtered, before vomiting all over the floor.
“Uuugghhh,” Honey whined. “Does anypony know where that mop went?”
Mac immediately decided against hugging Buttercup. He turned to his mother. “How’d ya even know that’d work?”
“Are ya tellin’ me ya don’t remember the first time ya had three glasses of cider on top of each-other?”
“Uhh...”
“Ugh, don’t remind me of that mess...” Honey groaned.
“Sho...Buhttercup died?” Hondo asked, barely aware.
“Only fer a moment,” Granny stated.
“Dohs thaht mean I won?” Hondo asked.
Cookie looked at everyone else. They all looked uncertain.
Buttercup’s vomiting had finally stopped. She looked up at Hondo with a smug face. “Yah shtill pashed out first.”
“Buht you died.”
“Whell hows about we settle thish then? Firsht one ta pash out fro – *burp* – om ahpplejack winsh?”
“You’re o-MM!”
Cookie shoved her hoof over Hondo’s mouth. “NO!” she cried in a panic.
“Aw, c’mon, let him shpea-” Buttercup paused as Mac and Honey put their hooves on her mouth too and shook their heads.
“Alright ya three! Let’s get goin’,” Granny instructed.
Mac and Honey helped Buttercup up and began walking her towards the door.
“Yah know shomthin’ Mac?” she asked.
“What?”
“When we have a foal, Ah wanna nahme ‘em ‘Applejack’ ta remember this night ferever!”
“But I thought we were namin’ our first colt after me?”
“Oh...right… Well, if it’sh a colt, we’ll name the shecond one Applejack!”
The two continued to discuss names as they stepped out of the establishment.
“Nishe pohnies,” Hondo slurred.
“Yeah,” Cookie replied. “Certainly some honeymoon stop-over.” After a moment, her face lit up. “Wait a minute! Hondo!” she exclaimed, grabbing his cheeks and turning his head to face hers. “I finally figured out where I wanna move to!”
