The Mysterious Bar And It's Tender
Author's Note
I hope you enjoy this. If not, tell me why in the comments.
Only Chapter
"So, did you hear the rumors?"
"Rumors about what?"
"There is a rumor about a mysterious building in Ponyville which appears out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Apparently, it's a bar!"
"Yeah, I don't believe you. What type of business model is made from the idea of popping up every once in a while? Much less a bar? Yeah right!"
"Even if it's not real, I think it's cool"
"Whatever, my friend, just don't let this rumor go to your head–"
"Don't let what go to his head?"
"Uhuuh! Princess Luna! We didn't hear you coming! We Um… were just discussing–"
"Something we shouldn't have. Not on our time, and we apologize for it!"
Luna giggled at her night guards and how nervous they suddenly were. "At ease, soldiers, you're fine. I simply want to know what you were talking about. Now start from the beginning." Luna then spent the next few minutes hearing her guard's story.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Come on in!" Princess Celestia said. When her younger sister walked in, Celestia meant her with a smile. "Luna! Good evening. Is there something wrong?" Celestia asked Luna nicely. Luna shook her head, but she did grin in a certain way which made Celestia a bit suspicious of Luna's purpose here.
"So it just so happened I walked in on my guards talking and they spoke some very interesting words which caught my attention," Luna told Celestia. Celestia raised her eyebrow, but then raised her hand gently.
"Wait! Let me guess! You caught them talking about bedding you again? Hehehe–how colorful did this conversation go?" Celestia teased Luna. Luna immediately waved her hand while blushing.
"No! no! no! This story goes in a different direction. Hear me out so–" Luna told her sister about what she heard from her guards. Luna expected Celestia to not believe it and Celestia gave her a look of dismissal.
"Seriously, sis? A teleporting bar? Only at midnight? And in Ponyville? I feel like Twilight would've sent a letter about this already if it were true," Celestia mentioned. "But let's say this "bar" is real. What do you want us to do about it?" Celestia asked. The moment she finished her question, Celestia knew what Luna had in mind and the Princess had to prepare herself to hear the words–
"Let's go check it out, obviously! I mean, you're clearly not doing anything and I ran my rounds for the night, so why not right?" Luna questioned with a hint of loud excitement in her voice. Celestia shook her head and rubbed her forehead. "Oh, come on, sis! Look, if the bar isn't there, I'll take over your morning meetings this weekend" Luna begged Celestia while giving her the sweet eyes.
"OK! Okay! Just, let me get dressed and prepare myself for a round of thick disappointment," Celestia replied to Luna as she got up from her chair and went to her bathroom. Celestia could hear Luna's excitement at the sound of her jumping up and down.
*****
A little while later, Celestia and Luna arrived in the middle of Ponyville in the middle of the night. Of course, the town had darkened thanks to the time of night, and no ponies were walking around. With expectations of the Princesses meant, they setted off to find this mystery bar with no clue where to start or any hints on what the building even looked like. The light of Luna's moon lit the way for most of the hunt for the bar, but again, nothing appeared. Nothing hit the eardrums of the Princesses, not even an off object floating in the wind.
"Okay, Luna, so…" Celestia got interrupted by Luna's wing hitting her lips. Celestia watched as Luna took to the air and her horn lit up with magic. Looks like Luna used a magical scan in a very wide area to find any hints of off-magic usage. Luna knew everyone in this town, so if anyone had a magical rhythm she didn't recognize, it would be a major hint. After a few very quiet minutes, Luna clapped her hands and took off. "Luna, wait!" Celestia said as she also took to the sky after Luna.
After a few moments, Luna and Celestia landed a few miles outside Ponyville. In fact, they were near the Apple family farm, but still a way off. The empty grassy field spoke of nothing to Celestia, but her younger sister had determined something about this area–had some strange feeling about it. Luna did another magical scan of the area before Celestia could say anything and Luna kept up her spell for the next few minutes before standing comfortably still on her feet.
"Luna, what are you–"
"Hush! Sister! Let me think!-" Luna told Celestia right before she held up her hand, lit it up with magic, pointed her hand right above her head, and shot a magical beam. The beam hit something which stunned the Princesses. Luna and Celestia looked at each other and nodded. Celestia then joined Luna in hitting the mysterious object about their heads and after ten seconds, a mysterious building appeared above their heads. "What in the world is this!!" Luna took off to the sky with Celestia right beside her. They both flew around the floating building until they reached the front, where an entrance with a single wooden open sign greeted their eyes. There were no windows on this building whatsoever which made Celestia and Luna hesitant about going inside, but they summoned up the power to hover to the entrance, touching the door and pushing it.
***
The Princesses came into what could only be described as a bar. However, this bar had a theme to it– A red and black Halloween theme. Every single little detail had the colors of red or black painted onto it and even sometimes both. The red and black carpet felt very comfortable to walk on and when the low-toned jazz music finally hit the Princess's ears, it caused them to ask themselves even more questions which they most likely didn't have answers to. However, one of those questions of why there wasn't anyone in this place could be answered by the amount of effort it took to even find this place, to begin with.
"Well, we came this far. Why stop now? There's nobody at the bar table, so why not sit there?" Luna asked herself as her feet carried her to the bar's table. Celestia quickly followed her sister to the bar's table and sat down on the chairs next to her sister. Of course, there were bottles upon bottles of wine and beer, and some bottles the Princesses didn't recognize at all.
"So? If this is a bar, where are the tenders and such? I mean, they already clearly have musical talent!" Celestia said to herself. When Celestia turned to face the band in the corner of the bar, something caught her eye that she didn't see before. The band in the corner weren't ponies, they were completely transparent, like you could see through them. The moment Celestia started to focus on this fact, Luna's scream took her out of it. "What happened!" Celestia turned around and came face to face with another transparent figure. Unlike the ponies, who had a bit of color to them, most likely thanks to the lighting, this very oddly shaped figure looked black to fit the colors of the entire bar. The black figure didn't have anything to it, no eyes, no mouth, no hands, feet, nose, throat, or anything. It just stood there, waiting for whatever.
"My dear sky! Don't you know it's rude to sneak up on a lady!" Luna said to the figure to which the figure didn't reply since it didn't have a mouth to begin with. The figure simply stood in its place, waiting for something. After Luna calmed down, she looked at Celestia. "So what do you think it wants?" Luna asked her sister. Celestia turned around to face the band in the corner again, then turned around to face the figure in front of her.
"Um… I'd like some water… please???" Celestia awkwardly asked the figure. To Celestia's reply, the figure nodded to her request. Luna figured she would try the same thing.
"Um… same here… I guess??" Luna said to the figure. Again, the figure would nod at Luna's request. Then, with very fast movement, the figure would grab a couple of glasses from under the table and quickly make two very cold glasses of water for its guests. "Wow! You're fast! Thanks!" Luna told the figure before taking a sip of her glass. "Woah! It's good! I mean like freshly good!" Luna said before she started swinging the entire glass. Celestia then took a sip of her glass and came to the same conclusion as Luna.
"Yeah, I agree!" Celestia spoke before things got silent again. The figure would stand completely still again, just waiting for Celestia and Luna to order another drink. After a few moments of quiet listening to the music, Celestia had to ask a question on her mind. "Can you talk?" The figure would shake its head left and right. Luna would do a scan of the thing in front of her.
"Well, clearly you have a boss or something, right?" Luna asked the creature. The figure would nod at Luna's question. "Can we talk to him, then?" Luna asked suddenly. The figure stood completely still. It would tilt its top half and suddenly disappear from the eyes of the Princesses.
"Where did it go?" Celestia asked Luna.
"I don't know!" Luna replied as she turned around. The band remained in their spot, playing the music. A few moments went by before the sound of a door closing would hit the ears of the Princesses. Out of the corner of the bar in front of the Princesses, a figure would appear in front of them, a very well-dressed human figure with slightly dark skin, red/black hair, red/black suit, complete with red/black shoes that came up to Celestia's chest and nothing more came up the Princesses with a smile on his face.
"Good evening ladies, you called for me? How may I assist you with your troubles tonight?" The clear human asked the ponies in front of him. Celestia and Luna looked at each other with disbelief on their faces. This human didn't look a day over ninety years and his height didn't help his situation at all.
"Um? Are you the manager of this place?" Luna asked the human.
"I am the manager, yes," The human said with a smile. "Let me guess, you didn't expect something like this, correct?" The human then chuckled like he's been asked this question many times before.
"Yeah, we certainly didn't expect this! If you don't mind me asking—"
"My name is Hoxy, Ma'am. Hoxy Heart if you will, but please just call me Hoxy" Hoxy said, bowing before leaning on the table. Again, Celestia and Luna looked at each other with caution. "Ladies, please, I'm not going to hurt you hehe. You don't have to worry so much. I'm simply here to entertain for the night," Hoxy told the Princesses before grabbing the glasses in front of them and replacing them with new glasses of cold water. "Here, looks like you two need this. Before you go drinking, how did you two manage to find my bar?" Hoxy asked with interest on his face. Celestia looked at Luna because she had no idea what Luna did to find this place.
"Well, I used a magical detection spell. This place gives off a very odd and very faint magical aura and it used its aura to track it here," Luna told Hoxy before taking a sip of her water. Hoxy stayed silent for a moment. The Princesses had no idea what words were going to come from him, but when he started clapping, it raised some questions.
"Congratulations, my fair lady, you're the first person to use my aura to track my bar! I have to say, it's a bit different from the method those guards used last month,," Hoxy replied. The mention of guards made the Princesses' ears perk upwards.
"Guards? What guards? What did they look like?" Luna suddenly asked Hoxy. Hoxy tilted his head at Luna, trying to remember what his last guests looked like.
"Ah! Yes! They had on their dark and bright armour. A couple of them kept talking about how they wanted to bed their bosses or something. I don't know, I did pay much attention to the words because they kept ordering drinks. Heavy drinkers I'll tell ya" Hoxy told the Princesses as he giggled a bit. "Why? Do you know those particular customers?" Hoxy asked the Princesses.
"Do… you not know who we are?" Celestia asked Hoxy. Hoxy leaned forward and focused on the Princesses. He looked into their eyes like he tried to put their faces to a memory he had lost some time ago. Hoxy then shook his head.
"Sorry, my lady, but I don't recognize the both of you. However, your auras smell nice and I can tell your beautiful breasts are juicier than your friend's over here. However, she's not far behind you hehe" Hoxy teased Celestia before looking at Luna. The Princesses slightly blushed at the nice comment, but they needed to get back on track.
"Wait, if you don't know who we are, then you must not be from around here, correct?" Luna asked Hoxy. Hoxy nodded at Luna's question. This started to get a bit odd because Celestia and Luna knew they weren't exactly hidden members of Equestria.
"Sorry, but I just started living here a few weeks ago. Yes, I live in my bar, and yes, I keep it hidden for privacy reasons, and before you ask, yes, I don't keep up with the news around… Equestria? I think? Yes! Equestria," Hoxy spoke nicely.
"Wait, wait, wait, how are you able to stay in business if you keep your business hidden?" Celestia asked Hoxy. Hoxy put his hand under his chin. It seemed like he debated telling his secrets.
"Sorry, Ma'am, but I can't tell you everything. We just meant after all, right? Nah! I'm just kidding! I just charge enough to keep buying bottles, everything else is my magic," Hoxy spoke with no hint of lying. Celestia and Luna didn't believe him.
"I'm sorry what? Everything in here is your magic?" Luna asked Hoxy. Hoxy nodded.
"Would you like a demonstration, my lady?" Hoxy grinned at Luna, which gave Luna a bit of an off vibe. However, Luna and Celestia wanted to see what Hoxy talked about. "Alright, warning though! This might scare you hehe" Hoxy chuckled before snapping his fingers. Nothing happened for a moment. However, Celestia and Luna got shivers up their spines when two of Hoxy's employees physically touched them, rubbing their shoulders. The feeling felt cold, like winter cold, like you needed a warm jacket cold. It gave the Princesses very visible goosebumps. When the figures disappeared, Hoxy chuckled at the Princess's goosebumps. "Yeah, the first touch always freaks them out the first time hehe! Don't worry, they're harmless… unless I change my mind. Oh, and in case you're wondering because I know you are; they're my Shadow's. They do what I say without question and without failure," Hoxy told the Princesses. Celestia faced Hoxy to see if he lied about anything he said, and when Hoxy did not show any signs of lying, Celestia had another question for him.
"You're not human…" Celestia said to Hoxy. Hoxy raised an eyebrow at Celestia and raised both of his arms. Then he spun around slowly, showing off his physical traits before leaning back onto the table.
"My lady, whatever gave you such an interesting idea? Sure, I may not be laying on the best first impression here, but I'm clearly trying my best," Hoxy told Celestia with a smile of devious proportions. Then, Hoxy snapped his fingers again, and one of his shadows came out from behind him, grabbing two empty glasses and a bottle, opened it, poured the liquid from inside into the glasses then slid the glasses to the Princesses. "Clearly, you don't trust me, my fair lady, so please I beg you to give me until sunrise to convince you I'm not so bad," Hoxy told the Princesses as he gave her and Luna the glasses.
"I don't see why not–" Luna got interrupted by the sound of music. However, the sound didn't come from the band behind her. It came from the outside and sounded like a single instrument. Hoxy's ears perked up, and he smiled at the sound like he knew the rhythm.
"Ah! Did she come tonight? Must be special! I'll be right back, my ladies. Please enjoy your drinks," Hoxy told the Princesses before bowing and walking away to the door. The Princesses watched Hoxy walk to the door, and their suspicions were correct about the human's height. For a brief moment, the Princesses visioned themselves bending over to kiss the human's cheek. However, the thought got interrupted by Hoxy speaking and the customer walking in.
"Ms. Octavia, welcome back to my bar. What brings you back tonight? Special event prep?" Hoxy asked Octavia with the same respectful tone he spoke towards the Princesses. Hoxy led Octavia to the same line of seats the Princesses sat in by hand. Octavia didn't seem to notice her Princesses being there because she focused on Hoxy's lead.
"Mr. Heart, you're such a gentleman," Octavia mentioned with a gentle giggle. "I just felt like coming to a relaxing place tonight, however, finding this place remains a pain in my backside. I don't know why you refuse to stay in one place. This area is a good place, is it not?" Octavia asked Hoxy as he sat her down a few seats away from the Princesses. One of Hoxy's shadows immediately started a drink for Octavia, which only took a short moment.
"I apologize, Ms. Octavia, but I like meeting your people at random intervals. Besides, it's how I gauge who's going to take their time to find my bar again. It let me know if I did a good job impressing them. I have to admit, I'm having a hard time tonight with my latest guests. They don't trust me at all," Hoxy said to the pony as he handed her a drink. Octavia took a ship of her drink and looked to her left to see who Hoxy talked about.
"P–pp–Princesses? You're here?!!" Octavia asked Celestia and Luna. The Princesses waved to Octavia.
"Hi, Ms. Octavia, it's been a while since we last talked, hasn't it?" Luna asked the cello player. Hoxy found this development interesting. Amid the situation, he grabbed the Princess's old glasses, threw them in the dishwasher, and grabbed a glass for himself.
"Oh? You three know each other?" Hoxy asked while pouring himself a drink. Octavia immediately looked at Hoxy with a shocked expression.
"Mr. Heart, do you not know who these ponies are?! Seriously?!" Octavia watched Hoxy's eyes turn over to the Princesses, then turn back over to her. When Hoxy shook his head, Octavia didn't know what to say at first. "Hoxy, they're wearing their royal crowns for cloud's sake!" Octavia told Hoxy. Hoxy circled his drink on the table for a moment before answering and taking a sip of his drink.
"Yes, I noticed. However, you females love to dress as royalty all the time, right? You'll have to excuse me for not asking about a piece of clothing I see some of the time," Hoxy replied to Octavia. "Why don't you introduce me then, Ms. Octavia?" Hoxy asked the cello player while grinning at her, obvious intentions all over his face. Octavia blushed just a bit at the fact she got to introduce her princesses to a stranger who they didn't trust.
"You owe me for this… Hoxy, meet Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, our current, loving, beautiful rulers of Equestria," Octavia spoke to Hoxy. Hoxy's ears perked up. His eyes started to shine a light he rarely showed Octavia.
"Wait, these are the Princesses you ponies talk so highly of! Well, I'll be damned! No wonder this is taking so long. If I knew this from the beginning, I would have tried harder than I already have," Hoxy said before swallowing his drink in one go and then slamming his glass on the table. "Maybe we can start again, Princesses?" Hoxy asked as nicely as he could.
"I don't see why not hehehe," Luna replied with a chuckle. "Can I get another drink before we start?" Luna asked Hoxy. Hoxy nodded, then took Luna's empty glass and gave her another glass. His eyes wandered to Celestia, who still had half her drink left. Seeing how her younger sister had loosened up a little, Celestia figured she would do the same, just not as hard as Luna, since she would most likely have to carry her out of here in the next couple of hours.
The next few hours were filled with Hoxy learning the basics of Celestia and Luna's rule over their subjects. Octavia mostly confirmed their words and statements, in case Hoxy didn't believe some of them. The more the conversation went on, a more strange feeling nagged in the back of Celestia's head about Hoxy. She noticed his eyes sometimes drifting towards Octavia's neck, his stomach started to growl louder at him as the night started to end and his eyes started to glow red as his stomach begged him for food. Here's the thing, everyone already ate a full meal thanks to Hoxy's shadows one hour ago. So what's with the yelling?
"Sggesbnjrnagegdb" Hoxy's belly roaded, making him stop mid-sentence. He then started to laugh at himself. "Sorry about this, my ladies, my belly isn't used to not going this long without proper nourishment Hoxy stated while rubbing the back of his head. Octavia giggled at him.
"Your belly is a never-ending void, isn't it, Mr. Heart?" Octavia's words made Hoxy blush heavily. The mares then watched their bartender back up, and Celestia could swear she saw Hoxy's eyes glow red again for a moment while eyeing up Octavia's neck.
"Sorry, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I'll be right back. This won't take long," Hoxy told his guests. Hoxy then snapped his fingers and suddenly disappeared via his shadows, taking him away. "I'll never get his thought process…" Octavia told herself out loud.
"Ms. Octavia, why is Hoxy staring at your neck so suddenly?" Celestia suddenly asked Octavia. Octavia nearly spat out her drink and immediately started getting more nervous than she should've been.
"I… uhu…um…Princess, don't you think this is a little… sudden?" Octavia asked Celestia as she looked away from her Princess. Octavia prayed for something to derail this topic. Luckily for her, Luna would interrupt everything.
"Sis, leave the poor pony alone! Here… have the rest of… my…" Luna suddenly collapsed on the bar's table, knocked out cold. In the back of her mind, Octavia thanked Luna for saving her ass. On the outside though, she had an opportunity to play along.
"Princess! Are–" Octavia started to get up, but Princess Celestia started giggling.
"Don't worry, she's the sleeper type of drunk. Completely harmless, but very easy to make fun of. Guess I'll have to carry her home this time," Celestia told Octavia. Soon after, the very loud clock rang throughout the bar. Hoxy came back from wherever he went.
"Wow, it's closing time already? Guess I lost track of time. Well, anyway, I normally kick all of my guests out, but–" Hoxy clapped his hands, then some of his shadows suddenly rolled out a black carpet leading outside. "I'll let my current guest walk out tonight." Octavia couldn't stop herself from shaking her head with a smile.
"But, Mr. Heart, I just got here! You're gonna kick me out already?!" Octavia playfully asked Hoxy. Hoxy playfully rolled his eyes and clapped his hands. One of his shadows came next to Octavia and gracefully helped her out of her seat. "Oh! Before I forget–" Octavia then grabbed her purse and reached inside. She then grabbed some bits and tossed them onto the table. "For the last time as well. Anyway, bye, Mr. Heart! Until next time" Octavia waved goodbye to Hoxy, walking out of the bar with the help of his shadows leaving him, Celestia, and a drunk passed-out Luna. Celestia looked at her younger sister and got a little annoyed she had to carry her home.
"You need help?" Hoxy asked Celestia.
"Nah, I got her," Celestia replied to Hoxy as she used her magic to put Luna on a cloud bed and cover her in it. Celestia then got up from the chair. Before she took another step, Celestia paid Hoxy her's and Luna's share of bits before starting to walk out. However, Celestia still had a question on her mind that she still needed to ask.
"Hey, so, you said you move this place around, right? Any idea where you'll end up next?" Celestia asked Hoxy.
Hoxy shook his head "Sorry, Princess, but if I told you my secrets, you'll come running back here trying to figure me out, right? And where's the fun in figuring out the answers if I just gave you them?" Hoxy giggled and then clapped his hands. Celestia and Luna were immediately teleported outside onto the ground. That's when Celestia's internal clock kicked in, telling her to raise the sun.
"Wait… we got here one hour after midnight… spent a couple of hours inside… last time I looked at the clock…" Celestia's thoughts were interrupted by the building behind her teleporting away suddenly. "I gotta find this place again…" Celestia told herself as she took off into the sky with a sleeping Luna right behind her.
