Culture Shock

by str8aura

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy, Profanity, Random, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1362

A class project by Little Timmy, age 46, for his first grade Spanish class.

A class project by Little Timmy, age 46, for his first grade Spanish class.

This probably isn't very funny. I needed it finished before I could continue Daybreakup.

Published 2022-10-23 05:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-23 05:20:00 UTC

Vibrating Higher is an art, after all

The power of gods lay at Adrian's fingertips. The only problem was, it was at 240p.

"You're kidding me, right?" The only other person in the room asked with disbelief. As was usually the case with men of his ilk, he had given no name, insisting they wouldn't know each other long enough for it to matter if he did his job correctly. In Adrian's opinion, it was the ones who did give you their name you needed to worry about- they were the conmen advertising their services on late night ads, frauds he wanted nothing to do with.

The knowledge he needed an expert in was a fragile one- where one misspoken syllable could cleave you in half.

"You wanted a DVD containing every season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Those aren't sold normally, so I had to download them online and burn them to a disc." Adrian argued with a snort. "I made do with the downloads I could find."

"This is garbage. I've seen window movie maker AMVs with higher quality than this." The man snorted, hitting pause on the remote to pause the intro- grainy and barely recognizable for what it was. "Please sir, may I have some more pixels?" He sarcastically begged.

"Does it fucking matter?" Adrian grunted. "It's My Little fuckin' Pony. I'm sorry I didn't want to spend any more time on the internet than I had to. In case the fact that I'm hiring you didn't clue you in, ah, I'm trying to leave the entire fucking planet. The goddamn internet depresses me."

"I'm just saying Isekai is a delicate art." The man threw his arms in the air. He was a scrawny type, as to be expected from a guy who did most of his work through the internet, and kept a black facemask on matching his black nondescript clothing. Despite the two of them being safely inside and his customer on a one way trip out of Earth to never return, he clearly seemed to value privacy. Or perhaps the aesthetic. "If the reality you arrive in is crunchy as all shit, it's not my fault. You can curse yourself out with your own 1000 kbps screams."

"Let's just do the fucking anime magic." Adrian looked away from the man and the TV both of them stood in front of, flicking a cigarette to the grimey ground of his house. "Jesus dick, this is why I'm literally trying to leave all humans behind. Fuckin' ponies don't get caught up on inconsequential bullshit like this."

"Then I guess I don't need to read you the usual shit. You can never come back, I'm not responsible for your actions, yadda yadda. You don't seem too attached to this place." The man sniffed, glancing around at the messy room filled with pizza boxes and the remains of various recreational drugs. "Every anon's house I visit looks the same."

"I'm not leaving much." Adrian lowered himself to his knees, shifting to a criss-cross. "Do your stuff."

The man took a seat and exhaled, pulling his phone out and hitting play on a list of songs. Heavy industrial metal filled the room.

"Helps me concentrate." The man muttered.

The two sat at either ends of an intricate rune drawn on the floor, at the center of which sat the burnt DVD. They remained intensely still, even as the rune glowed a bright blue and various bits of debris and dust contained within its lines levitated an inch off the floor. Papers fluttered around the room, and a glass bong tipped off the table to shatter on the ground, but even as the room became alight with noise the two kept muttering under their breaths in perfect unison.

There was a blinding, terrible flash.

The only remaining man opened his eyes to find Adrian had completely disappeared, leaving a scorch on the ground in his place.

"One less horsefucker." The man muttered, standing and stretching his back. He'd fetch some leftovers from his customer's fridge, maybe snatch a pack of cigarettes and head back home- not like his customer needed them anymore. He hated bronies, but goddamn if they didn't pay well to get sent to their fictional horse world.

For a laugh, he popped the DVD back in the player and continued from where he had left off, midway through the intro to the first episode. Low resolution played footage of a book opening, and a disembodied monologue began.

"Habia una vez, en el reino magico de Equestria..."

The man froze, suddenly enraptured by the monologue.

"Dos nobles hermanes que reinabas juntas y creaban armonía en la región..."

Closer inspection of the episodes lined back to back confirmed it. The illegal downloads were entirely Spanish. Sucking air through his gritted teeth, he glanced at the scorched floor Adrian had sat. "Shiiiiiiit..."

Adrian desperto con un terrible dolor de cabeza. Cuando el abrio sus ojos, sin embargo, energia se apresuró a regresar sus venas.

Vibrante luz de sol. Canto de pájaro armonioso. Césped verde y arboles esmeralda.

Adrian estaba casa.

"Yes!" Adrian exclamo. "Fuck yes! I made it, bitches! Fuck Earth! Fuck humans! See you assholes never!"

Como un loco, el deliró y sacudió los puños a el cielo.

"Show me the way to Ponyville, I'm gonna bag so many bitches they'll call me-"

Un timido chirrido vino detrás de él. Adrian se dio la vuelta a un pegaso amarillo familiar, muy sorprendida por la repentina aparición del humano.

"Fluttershy! Best girl, fuck yeah!" Adrian golpeó el aire, antes de corriendo con los brazos extendidos. "Don't run off, its okay! I'm a human. Hu-man." El sonrió ampliamente. "And I am your biggest fan."

"¿Estás bien?" alumna Fluttershy.

Adrian pauso. "...What?"

"Eres perdido?"

"I... I speak English." Adrian respondió estúpidamente.

"Quieres comida?" Fluttershy amablemente se ofreció.

Adrián frunció los labios. El estaba empezando a tener la sensación de que se había cometido error terrible

"...Do you... have Google here?"

"No puedo créelo. No puedo créelo! Un real, auténtica, especies extraterrestre!" Twilight exclamo, caminado de ida y vuelta.

La Biblioteca de los Robles Dorados estaba... Honestamenta, Adrian no pudo poner un dedo en eso. El mundo todavía se veía nítido, no 240p, pero descripciones se la escapaban. Incluso pensar parecía más difícil ahora. Decadas de fantasia estaban siendo arrojadas por las ventanas como se dio cuenta de su situación.

"Un... Extraterrestre?" Fluttershy temblar.

"Exactamente! Una mamífero, bípeda evolucion de lo mono común! Esta descubrimiento podria ser monumental- Oh, si solo la pudiéramos entenderlo!" Twilight angustiada se volvió hacia la humana. "Señor! Puedes hablar?"

Adrian exhalada.

"I don't suppose you have any single friends."

"Es no usar." Twilight lamentó. "Su forma de Ponish... Puedo detectar algunas similitudes, alugnas cognates y repeticiones, pero no es lo suficiente para mantener una conversación. Señor! Yo... Twilight." Ella lo empujó con un casco.

"...Yo." Adrian saludada aburrida. "Twilight wouldn't say 'yo'. Me Adrian. Me starting to wonder if this was a mistake."

Twilight chilló adorablemente.

Finalmente, terminó.

Meses habian pasado desde que Adrian entro a Equestria. El había luchado contra un dragón. El había desbaratado un trama malvedo para destruir el mundo. El había matado, y sangrado, y sufrido. Su búsqueda había terminado. Magullado y ensangrentado, el derrumbó en su cama.

Fluttershy se sentó a su lado. Ello lo vio respirar.

"Cuando te conocí por primera vez..." Ella empezó. "Yo estaba fascinada."

"Yep." Adrián miró al techo.

"Un monstruo extraterrestre."

"Uh huh."

"Pero he visto lo que eres. Eres una Luchadore."

"Mmhmm."

"Un héroe. Y... Una amante, espero."

Ella se levanto. Ella lo miro a los ojos, llena de amor.

"Abriendo. Te... quiero." Ella susurró.

Adrian returned her gaze. He wasn't the brightest, he'd be first to admit. He had failed a great many classes in his life.

But anger was an excellent motivator. And he had spent these months paying attention. Very, very close attention.

So, licking his lips, he put those months of attention and practice into work, uttering one single sentence.

"No hablo español."

Fluttershy blinked.

"...Que?"

Author's Note

I'm not a native speaker. I apologize profusely.