Six-headed: Calcination

by SirEdgen

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Romance, Spike, Profanity, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6
Length: 9903

Yet another human is dropped down to the magical lands of Equestria...quite literally. Will he be able to throw off the shackles of his past world, where the ball is ruled by the colour of metal?

The sudden surge in scientific research transformed the Earth as we know it. Hunger and poverty no longer exist. Humans are powerful, connected and certain of their future like never before. And the colour of metal is everyting you can see - and need to see. In this age of wonders one human rejects everything that his kin struggled to gain just to choose solitude, pain from his old wounds and ever-lurking madness. But as they say - you can try to outrun your past, but you can't outrun the sudden mysterious portal that will throw you into another world. There, in the land of magical sapient miniature horses, the world of Harmony, friendship and thousands of colours, the human with no name once again is confronted with his old problems. Will he try to run this time?

Hello and welcome! This is my first story here and my first fanfiction ever. Also this story is kinda like my training ground both as a writer and as an English speaker - it isn't my mother language. This all means that I will take time to improve my style and grammar and will periodically rewrite some chapters in the future and will welcome all the critique.

What to expect: The primary genre of the story will be "slice of life". Althogh it has a "romance" tag, this story, as a first part of my planned big project, will show only seeds and first sprouts of friendship and romantic feelings (if I'll be able to pull it off).

This story will also feature some rewritten episodes from the show and will start shortly after the Season 4 Premiere. While in some cases the chronology of the episodes will be intact, I may consider to change places of some episodes for the sake of the story, or even grab plot from episodes of different seasons.

Minor spoiler alert: As a basis for one of the chapters of this work I'll use the excellent story published on this site. Of course, I checked with its author and, per my promise, I give the credit here (yet, because this chapter in question will basically be sequel to this story of some sorts, I'm hiding it in spoilers). I will also give the credit to the author at the start of said chapter along with all necessary disclaimers. Cap-Apple Syndrome by RubyDubious

Published 2022-10-24 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-11-08 20:04:48 UTC

The colour of the abnormal night

“…Check!”

Spike swiftly moved the quill in his claws. One more check - one more step to ending that bureaucratic hell. While extremely bored, the young dragon was watching his tormentor keenly. Twilight, despite doing no research work and just reading throughout the day, looked quite fatigued.

“Now…Quadruple check the checklist in case we’ve missed something on the alternative triple-checked checklist!”

“All clear! Wait…here it is. We didn’t double check the “checked checkered check” checklist and the “grocery store checked check checked” checklist! I guess we’ll have to start all over again, Twi.”

“WHAT?! This doesn’t make any sense! We checked the checkered check checkered checklist yesterday!”

“Aaand I think we can check the “check Twilight’s ability to misspell checklists”! Check!”

It took her several seconds to connect the dots. Twilight turned around, dropping her scroll and quill, to face her smugly smiling assistant.

“That's NOT funny, Spike!” Instead of confusion, her voice was now full of irritation.

“Come on Twilight! We’ll miss the whole thing because of your stupid checklists. It’s just a picnic with your friends!”

Twilight groaned, her exasperation slowly fading. Then she just sighed.

“Maybe you’re right. But I really want everything to be perfect," said Twilight, gazing once again unconsciously at her back, as if waiting to see once more the ghostly wings she had refused to get. "There's been a lot of stuff on us lately. First, confusion with marks, then trouble with the tree of harmony and the stupid plants of Discord. I just want us to have a calm quiet night. We'll watch the meteor shower, we'll talk about normal stuff, and we won't worry about a thing."

"Speaking of not worrying, if I were in your horseshoes, I'd start with myself," commented Spike while rummaging through a large picnic basket, sorting all the cupcakes, eclairs and other goodies he'd spent cooking the last few hours.

"Spike...Yes, you're absolutely right. Thanks for taking care of all preparations... and putting up with my..."

"Also I'm taking your horseshoes."

"Wha...Wait, what?"

A smug grin appeared on the young dragon's face once more.

"Gotta find new ways to impress Rarity, so..."

"Just...How?"

"My ultimate tap dancing skills," said Spike in a comically overproud manner and soundly tapped with his legs a couple of times.

Twilight's vivid imagination quickly drew a picture of spike trying to dance in horseshoes, and she couldn't resist a tiny giggle. This giggle grew into a laughter when Spike joined her. When they both calmed down and decided to take a breath, the young dragon finished preparing the basket and grabbed another one, with several blankets and tableware.

"Now that's definitely not funny, Spike!"

"Whatever. At least now I don't have to stare at your sour muzzle all the time. Come on, if we take too much time and show up late, one ultra fast pony will be ultra pissed."

Twilight chuckled one last time and nodded to him. She looked up at the piece of sky seen from the library window. That night, she was sure, the sky would show them some real magic.

*****

The seven friends met on a small hill that offered a beautiful view of the whole sky, as well as of the distant lights of the Canterlot towers. Surprisingly, besides them quite a few ponies came to see the meteor shower. Spike had a truly difficult task from the get-go - he had to setup their picnic spot while simultaneously fending Pinkie off from their food basket. It would seem that she shouldn't have been that hungry, given that she must've tasted all the muffins that she cooked and brought with her. Smiling Applejack hurried to help Spike, before he lost both his patience and control over their hyperactive friend.

"Woah there, you might want to slow down if you want some space left for Granny Smith's famous apple and blueberry pie!"

Pinkie's attention shifted immediately to a massive pastry, that, judging by the rising steam, was pulled out of the oven just recently.

"But if you want a slice, you'll wait for the start of the show, sugarcube."

"Agh... fine!" groaned Pinkie.

Rarity was the last to come, probably because of her meteor shower viewing couch (which was surprisingly similar to her fainting couch). After she shared a set of small decorative pillows with her friends, Rarity lay down with comfort. Unsurprisingly, Spike was quick to offer her a plate with the fanciest eclairs on it and some punch.

"Why thank you, Spikey-Wikey! Whatever I would do without such a gentlec...dragon."

Rainbow Dash felt that her eyes rolled on their own and chuckled. She was lying on her back and looking on the results of her work. That night she took it on herself to ensure that the sky above Ponyville was perfectly clear. Moreover, thanks to Fluttershy's squad of birds and frogs, there were almost no mosquitoes or flies nearby.

"Oh, oh, look, look! It started!" suddenly shouted Pinkie Pie and devoured her hapless namesake in one bite.

One after another, pure-white sparks started to appear at the top of the pitch black sky, completely outshining numerous yet dim stars. Growing in numbers with each minute, hair-thin lines turned from scattered drops into a stream, completely dominating half of the sky.

"Uuh... Girls, what the hay is that?"

Applejack's friends followed her gesture with their eyes. The sight above towers of Canterlot quickly took their full attention.

That part of the sky was no long black and white. It was now full of colour, vibrant and constantly changing – from neon green to bright azure to deep purple. The source of the colour – several arcs that looked like they were silk ribbons made of light. Moreover, it seemed that the were no shooting stars anywhere near these lights, as if as if these two phenomena were not supposed to exist at the same time and now divided the night sky in half.

"Aurora borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of country, localized entirely above our Canterlot?"

"What's that and why do you sound so surprised?" slowly asked Twilight Spike without taking his eyes off the colour-changing beauty.

"Spike, how can you not know? That's..."

"These are northern lights. Some flames in the sun go crazy and burn so bright that they reflect on the sky for some egghead reason. And you usually can see those only in the north," answered Rainbow Dash, intercepting Twilight's lecture. Noticing that her friends were staring at her with not so flattering surprise, she growled: "I am the weather pegasus, you know. And it shouldn't surprise you that they showed up at night, cuz it's normal thing for northern lights, Twi."

"It was just a part of the joke, okay? Still, doesn't explain...Wait, look!"

There were clear changes on both sides of the sky. The meteor shower lost its power and now was fading, the stream reduced to thinnest jets. Meanwhile, the northern lights started to slowly flicker, the ribbons changing shape and direction with each blink. By the time the last shooting star graced the sky and faded into oblivion, the bright light above Canterlot were now in shape of arcs, which in turn formed some sort of loose circle. But the strangest thing of all was the colour of these northern lights. Even Rarity couldn’t choose the right words to describe it. Sickish dark brown at one moment, that colour turned to nauseous pale violet as soon as the eye of the observer moved ever so slightly, and vice versa. After one minute passed, the sky was completely clear from any signs of either phenomenon, as if all that happened was just a dream.

“There should be some explanation to this! I’ll need some…”started enthusiastically yet somewhat dreamily Twilight.

“Oh no you don’t. What you need is normal sleep. Hitting the books will have to wait until morning”

Twilight looked at her dragon friend with visible confusion, then slowly nodded.

“Yeah…You’re right, Spike. This can wait. It’s just some colour anomaly, probably because of the magic field fluctuations. I think I do need to sleep.”

The other mares agreed. Although the spectacle they had just witnessed was extraordinary, weariness slowly began to take its toll. Pinky, in her usual manner, didn't feel like going to bed, but instead was distracted by the odd-looking moth and seemed to have completely forgotten everything they just had seen. After cleaning up their picnic spot and wishing good night to each other, the friends headed to their homes.

*****

Although Princess Luna was, like every night before that, meditating in her tower, that night also had an effect on her. As the Mistress of the Night, she was aware of each and every shooting star even while overseeing dreams of her subjects. And if somepony happened to make a wish upon a star, she always heard it. Most of the time it was something small, personal wishes. At other times she recognized a desperate plea for help or a bit of crucial information that could directly and significantly affect somepony’s life. At these times she always found time to deal with the matter personally, and if necessary, immediately.

It was nearly the end of the meteor shower. Luna rubbed her metaphysical temples and sighed wearily. The stream of pony voices finally began to die down. After she finished checking another dream, she decided to just sit and turn her attention to the wishes. After all, some of them were downright hilarious, and a change of activity might help ease the headache.

"I want a new wedding dress."

Don't be lazy, go to Rarity. Just remember that your fiancé LOVES garters.

"When my friends jump from the cliff, I want to jump too!"

Good thing you're a pegasus, little one.

"I want a new wedding dress!"

Just borrow one from your future wife, she'll order it soon. Although a bit of explanation would be in order, tiger.

"I wish for a free cake."

"I want an A+ for my next test."

"...I wonder if death by falling is painful. At least the view is great..."

She flinched, her eyes wide with horror. The last one slashed through her mind like a scalpel. It wasn't a wish, these were dying words! Luna immediately pinpointed the origin of the thought - it was right above Canterlot! She broke from her trance, spread her wings and then flew out of the window. Her eyes, capable of seeing in the dark as long as there was even the tiniest dot of light, could easily make out the falling figure. She rushed to it, begging for one more fraction of a second - just to make it in time.

Author's Note

So this is it, the first chapter. I can feel that the writing here is somewhat stiff and some phrases can be out of character, so I'll think how to make it better after a few more chapters.

The colour of my old habits

I'm walking down a long corridor, full of dim red light.

Of all the entrances to my dwelling, this one is by far my favorite. The front doors lead to the large square that used to be the center of the whole complex, another entrance opens directly into the network of workers' apartments. I hardly use the second one - there are no necessary things left there, there have never been any interesting ones either. From there I have access to metro system, but with no trains, I hardly see any point of going there. Not that I want to travel anywhere, anyway. The frontal entrance even after these three years gets on my nerves - before this land was transformed into the hungry metal marsh, it had been the only place I could call home. Now, all I have left is one endless ever-present colour and a small room in an abandoned factory located in a remote deserted town-complex. May just as well stop using this word at all.
The corridor I'm walking down now is underground. The light was not always red - a year ago, the underground area's GenExGal broke down. If a thing that is ultimately guaranteed to not to break breaks, who's going to fix it? Definitely not me. I can do many things with the right tools. But there is a difference between re-tightening some loose bolts and trying to figure out the workings of a top technology box the size of a computer processor that can power an entire city block without recharging for decades. Even more strange is that less modern emergency generator worked - which, in theory, shouldn’t even be here. I won't complain - without it I would have to walk half a mile in absolute darkness twice a day, and the modest width of the corridor was great for spurring my ever-growing claustrophobia. Now, however, I was concerned not with annoying light and seemingly crushing walls. Just now, I’ve made it to the end. Usually took me about five minutes of a leisurely walk. This time, it was less than one. Of course, I like to go on autopilot and completely immerse myself in my own thoughts, but now time has passed too quickly. Something is… wrong. I close the door to the corridor behind me and start up the stairs. A few more steps and I'm finally in my dwelling. Dwelling, abode, den. Whatever do you call that. Not home. No more eye-tearing red for me. This particular part of the factory used to be manager wing, so it had larger living space, complete with kitchen and relatively fancy bathroom. It took a lot of work to get the couch and bookshelves in here, but I have too much time to complain. Although my attention is focused on the bookshelf containing my current books of interest, the changes in my dwelling don’t escape me. One of the walls is longer than usual, non-Euclidean style; the entrance to the kitchen has turned into an incomprehensible dark blue bas-relief.

Yes, there is definitely something wrong with my mind.

I pick up the book I was reading last night. It's a massive green and brown tome – the Great Encyclopedia of the flora of this hemisphere. On the same shelf are books on zoology, geology, cultures of various countries... I guess this is my desperate attempt to remember the “old” world. I hope that I will not live to see the moment when I open these books again and be surprised at what I see. Well, it’s time to check if I’m dreaming or hallucinating. I bet on the first one – everything around is just too blurry. Sadly, the lucid-like nature of such dream may be a sign that I’m in a coma… Although I’m pretty sure there is no reason for me to end up like this – I don’t have any special medical conditions and don’t do anything risky to get a trauma. Come to think of it, around five or six years ago I used to train myself to have lucid dreams, but never succeeded. Don’t know if it is ironic, but still hate it.

Finally, I break from my thoughts, take a deep breath and open the volume on a random page. As I expected, in the place of normal text and illustrations, I see floating grey patterns. I am dreaming. However, why is the dream about my dwelling? Usually I have nightmares or abstract tasteless nonsense. On very rare occasions I have dreams about my past. Being able to relive my most precious moments…usually, after such dreams I even go to the far parts of the town-complex to search for some rare or fancy food, along with a new book or a movie.

These are indeed happy times worthy of celebration, until I remember that I get excited over bits of my distant past that will never, ever return. Can’t even replicate them, in this brand new grey world.

I look closely at the patterns, and they begin to take on familiar shapes. Yes, I saw this wavy ring just recently...In the sky…Up-close…Oh yes, I was falling from the sky without any reason whatsoever. Should be more troubled by that, but… To be fair, when I think about the outcome of this fall, I’m not bothered in the slightest. Did I end up crashing and now lie and see random moments of my life? Maybe I’ve survived and… here we go, that might confirm the coma theory. Or am I in some sort of purgatory?

No… It’s neither of those things. I have a dream about my dwelling, because I will never see it again. I was saved by the peculiar inhabitant of this world where I am now. The loss, admittedly, is not the greatest, and it’s pointless to spend time feeling sorry for myself or worrying about sudden changes while in a dream. Well, that means it's time to wake up. Again, should be bothered more with this whole thing. But in the end I’ll wake up and my first thought will be the same one that I have each time I wake up for the last five years.

I wake up in the rather spacious room – spacious by this world’s standards. It appears that they gave me the room for large-sized foreign ambassadors, but the bed is still slightly smaller than needed. Not that I need a bed – my trusty carrying bag got dragged here with me. It is made of fabric that can be stretched to increase bag’s volume up to three times, so I can use it as a backpack or sleeping bag. Also, this fabric is very durable and can recognize what exactly is in the bag, and depending on this, keep contents cold or warm – my clothes have these qualities too. Thankfully, in my bag there were also some basic hygiene items, which as well could have been considered borderline magical just fifteen years ago in my world.
It is early morning, if I can judge by the sun. Sun…
Come to think of it, the idea of measuring time by the sun or and generally depending on it is rather abhorrent. And this sky, so sickeningly wide and shamelessly blue…
Wow, I must stop. It's only been three years. It can't be that I'm so unaccustomed to the normal sky.

Right in the a middle of my morning exercise someone knocks at the door. Oh, I guess I should start saying “somepony”. The local guardsmen… guardponies were actually very helpful with teaching me some customs of their culture. The biggest one was about the word “horse”, which is considered an insult here. Thankfully, a sudden (and unusual for me) flash of intuition urged me to refer to inhabitants of this country as "ponies". I can’t imagine how bad and painful it would be to call my newest acquaintances “horses”.

I open the door to see a serious looking stallion of some brownish colour and in “sun” armor. This most likely means that one of the rulers of this country, Equestria, Princess Celestia, wishes to speak to me. That one part confuses me greatly. Both she and her sister, Princess Luna, are so… kind. Too kind to be the rulers of the most prosperous land in their world. Princess Luna was the one who had saved me from certain death. She took time to ensure that I was alright and personally oversaw that I got the best meal and the best guest room. It wasn’t all that good though. I think she has some sort of ability to read thoughts – despite being very busy, she took her time to talk to me about the value of my life, and how I shouldn't take deadly dangers so lightly. I did my best to sound as convincing as possible and assured the princess that I had never had any thoughts of... hurting myself in any way. I hope she bought it.

Once Princess Luna headed to rest, Princess Celestia took her place. Our time together consisted primarily of discussing circumstances of my incident and finding ways to take me back to my world. She mentioned some mirrors, which apparently couldn’t help me, and invited top magic-users as well as other specialists. Oh yes, yet another crucially important detail about this world, yet again criminally underrated by my judgment. My first thought of the day still lingers, ever-relevant. I was forced to answer hundreds of questions about traits of my planet and dimension (whatever that means), constellations visible from our sky (too late for that, sorry) and other things. Today I meet with them too, but I suspect that they are now just curious about my world. I have to take extra caution to not to reveal any… ambiguous details about Terra. Terra… the place that I’m almost certainly won’t see ever again.

Despite all the awkwardness of the situation, I must admit that I feel almost not terrible. All this talk, all these new faces, or whatever the face of the pony is called, all this attention… I know that for some weird reason all these ponies actually care about me. Usually I take great pains to understand if someone is sincere with me.

“Good morning, sir. Princess Celestia awaits you for breakfast. Do you need something before we go?”

I give him my medium-friendly smile and shake my head. I really like these guard guys. Always all about their job, I don’t have to fear about chit-chats or idle talk or friendly banter. By the way, it's crazy that I still have some conversation skills left, after all this time. I still remember how to smile and how exactly wide the smile should be in different situations. I remember to hold my tongue and speak as little as possible to not to upset someone by accident. And my most precious skill...

I arrive just in time to meet both princesses in the dining hall.

"Good morning, Celestia. Good morning, Luna. Have a nice breakfast!"

I cringe internally while they greet me in return. This is by far the toughest challenge. They both insist that I call them just by names, without any titles. While literally everyone else does opposite. Why would I call someone so powerful and important just by name? This really robs the wrong way. And if I try adding "Princess", they will definitely get angry or upset, whichever is worse.

I distract myself from these thoughts by admiring my ideal "greeting the more important person them me" moveset. When I enter the room, I lower my head, shoulders and eyes to show that I don't feel like the most dominant one in the room. But I do that only for a few seconds - to show that I respect them, not fear. However, they clearly aren't fully comfortable with this for some reason - that confuses me. This way of greeting was developed and polished by me thanks to all books about animals I've read. With nearly non-existent ability to understand body language of my brethren, I thought that mimicking animals would do the trick. It should be more effective here, due to Equestria natives'... nature. Well, at least I'm not hurting them in any way.

I bow my head one more time to the guard, showing him appreciation for his work, and join the table. At the same time exhausted-looking Luna with a plate full of pancakes and fruits head to the doors, wishing me and her sister a good day. I stare at my plate, full of the same food. Celestia cooked and served all of it by herself, by the way. Yet another stab in my composure. How should I react to this sort of kindness?

While Celestia and I eat, we have a brief discussion of her today's plans for me. After my second meeting with the wise ponies, I'm having a small interview with the press - to get other ponies accustomed to me. A good move from her, another session of pain for me. And after that - the most terrible part. A dinner with ponies called "the bearers of the Elements of Harmony".

"I'm sure you'll become friends with them in no time at all. I'm truly sorry that we haven't found the way for you to go back to your world - yet - but I have no doubt that Twilight and her friends can show you can feel yourself here, in our Equestria, at home."

I thank her with another smile, now high-friendly.

...

At home...

Home...

Why I'm almost feeling angry when I hear this word?

Almost. But in the end, the very same thought crosses my mind. With another one, that eluded me for years.

I really don't care.

I just wish to be alone once more.

The colour of alien encounter

Author's Note

Hey, guys!
First, I want to apologize. Six months to finish one chapter - that's a lot of time. No that I think that somebody was that sad about me not posting any continuation, but i still want to tell you the reason - just because by my own standards, this hiatus was inexcusable.
I'm on my third and final year of post-graduate program. I won't bother you with describing my (hopefully) soon-to-be title, because there is a significant difference in terminology and nomenclature between my country and western system. I'm not even sure I can call myself "post-graduate student". Only a week ago I finally pre-defended/approbated my dissertation. These six months left me a very ill and broken man on every level of my being. Now that I have a little more spare time, I will do my best to post one chapter per week.
Now, when I finished with my useless excuses, there is some good new stuff.
First, the new fancy story cover. Photoshopped myself because AI art wasn't that good. 30 mins of watching guides, 30 mins of getting familiar with the program, 5 mins of actual work. Worth it.
Second, now chapters have one style of titles.
Third, I suddenly decided that I don't like the word "color" and went British on it in all chapters. Much better.
Hope you enjoy the new chapter!

The colour of alien encounter

"To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, and her friends

I don’t doubt that you’ve observed the strange sight in the skies two days ago. I’m also sure that by now you’ve researched quite a number of tomes and studies to learn its true nature.

While we're still not closer to finding the cause, my sister and I may have encountered the key to understanding this phenomenon.

We assume that the strange ring, somehow formed from the northern lights, could act like a portal between dimensions. And thanks to this portal we have a new guest in our castle, the creature that you of all ponies should be very familiar with – a human, not unlike those who you’ve met when you used Starswirl’s mirror. Sadly, he himself can't provide any more clues about this situation, as he wasn't in control of his trip.

Princess Luna and I invite you and all your friends for a lunch at our castle, so we could exchange thoughts and, more importantly, introduce you to our new friend.

Your loving mentor, Princess Celestia

P.S. Please, ask Pinkie Pie to tone down her usual cheerfulness, just a little bit. Our new friend seems to dislike excessive noise and attention"

*****

Twilight spent most of the flying chariot ride to the castle occupied with two things - and torn between them.

The first one was re-reading her mentor's letter over and over again. This short message offered so much new information! Suddenly the weird meteorological anomaly became one of the biggest sensations in the world of magic study, and it brought a hapless alien creature from another dimension! Her memories about the world on the other side of the mirror were pretty vague, but thankfully she had enough of them to still know who the humans were - and now she had a chance to interact with of them once more. But Twilight's researcher enthusiasm was overshadowed by concern about this human being. Nopony is ready for sudden trips to another world. Although he - seems to be this human is a male - is in safe hooves, the sooner she and other mages will find a way to return him to his home, the better.

When Twilight wasn't thinking about the content of the letter, she was consumed by fear and guilt. It would be the first time she met Princess Celestia in person after she had rejected the title of the Princess of Friendship and the alicorn form. Twilight had no doubt that her mentor was very disappointed in her despite Celestia's assurances to the contrary. And worst of all, Spike, who truly understood the roots of her anxiety and could calm her down, was unable to go along with the everypony due to yet another CMC venture. He was dragged from the tree library early in the morning and was unheard of ever since. It seems that the three fillies developed a fascination with siege mechanisms - like catapults - lately, and were performing progressively more dangerous experiments with them. Spike's safety added to the troubling thoughts in her head, and...

A gentle touch on her flank interrupted Twilight's thoughts. She turned around to see Fluttershy's gentle smile.

"Princess Celestia loves you no matter what you choose, Twilight. She must understand your decision better than anypony. Everything is going to be alright!"

Somewhat calmed by pegasus' soft voice, Twilight smiled back at her friend. Than the unicorn took a deep breath and returned her attention to the letter and glanced over the part that told about the human one more time. Her smile widened - now her friends would finally get a chance to meet one of those fascinating creatures!

"...all I'm sayin' is that Apple Bloom's been all weird lately."

"Exactly how "weird", darling?"

Increasing worry in Applejack's voice reminded Twilight about the present. She faced the farmer pony and reassuringly smiled to show that now she too was paying attention.

"I just...it's not that she's actin' up, more like... sometimes just upset and quiet out of the blue, ya know?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Applejack! APPLEJACK! I know EXACTLY what to do!"

"Thank you, Pinkie, but we must the last big order of this month before we throw any parties. Hm... She didn't tell she was tired, but I did give her more of chores then usually... Maybe if I just do all by myself and let her finish them CMC thingamajig she'll finally cheer up."

Twilight frowned thoughtfully. "So, Apple Bloom herself doesn't tell what's wrong?"

"Not a single word. "I'm fine, sis". "What do ya mean, sis?" But I know somethin's amiss."

"Agh! Can you just relax, Applehead? She's probably just pissed off because Cheerilee dumped over her extra homework. It's always the same thing with these teachers, right, Fluttershy? Remember old mrs. Tailslide? Couldn't give me a break."

"Um... I never got any extra homework... I'm not sure any of us did."

Rainbow Dash scratched her head in visible confusion.

"Wait, what? Nopony? Never-ever?"

Fluttershy only shook her head, carefully avoiding any eye contact with Rainbow Dash.

"That's not fair! How come I had to do a bunch of boring stuff?"

Rarity couldn't contain a delicate little giggle when she realized the reason of Fluttershy's reluctance.

"What now? What's so funny?"

"Rainbow Dash, could it possibly be that you always neglected your homework altogether?"

"Erm... It has nothing to do with anything!"

With her friends laughing, Applejack finally smiled too. Rainbow Dash was right - it probably was something small that could wait.

Meanwhile, absorbed in chatter with her friends, Twilight completely forgot to tell them, especially Pinkie Pie, about the very last part of the letter….

*****

Meanwhile, the "fascinating creature" himself had lots on his mind too. In half an hour he would meet with royal mage council to hear about their progress in finding the way back to his world. Right after that he would join lunch with the princesses' chosen heroines. He wasn't eager for either of those events.

Just like many wizards from his favorite "Forgotten Realms" novels, royal mages proved to be eccentric and more interested in studying him than actually helping - at least, until Luna firmly discouraged them from treating him like an experiment specimen. Most of them quickly realized their mistake and apologized. Most of them. One of the council, the oldest and presumably one of the strongest of them all, constantly tried to reach to the human's head and, according to the unicorn's own muttering, tear out a hair or two. The situation was even more bizarre since the old mage tried to do that without using any magic, which resulted in awkward attempts to climb on the confused human. The subject of the old unicorn's interest didn't even know how to respond to all this, since neither Celestia and Luna, nor the mage colleagues paid much attention to his antics and didn't bother reminding him to use his horn. Weather it would be more polite to tear out some of his hear, lift the old mage so he could get what he wanted himself, or don't encourage his strange obsession at all and just ignore him like the rest of the present - the human didn't know.

The upcoming lunch was even worse. At first the human was only mildly nervous about it. If the Bearers proved to be as informal and friendly as the princesses, he would just sit there, agree to everything and answer a pair of questions, no problem. However it wasn't the case. After yet another trip to the royal library, he glanced over to the dining hall, where servants were already preparing the table. The sheer number of various spoons, forks and knives almost sent him into panic. After a few deep inhales that made him looks like a dying fish, the human rushed back to the library while hiding his face in one of his books so that noon... nopony could see his distress. His anxiety grew even more when he discovered that there were no books about proper pony etiquette in plain sight. And he couldn't build up his courage to ask any of endless maids and butlers to teach him - he didn't want hard-workers' time to be wasted on something that he should've double checked and learned himself in advance.

The approaching sound of metal-clad hooves slightly startled the human. He turned around to see the same guard that usually escorted him around the castle. Unlike many guards, he had light-brown coat. With dark-gray mane and light-green eyes, he looked much less... vibrant than other equestrians, which was a relief for the human's eyes. The guard's cutie mark, as always, was hidden beneath heavy armor.

"Excuse me, sir, the council awaits you. The Princesses are already there, too"

While they were heading towards the northern wing of the castle, the human was thoughtfully eyeing the armored pony.

We're already walking, right? No harm engaging in a small talk. He must've been on plenty high society gatherings to know something about these damn plates and spoons. What's his name again? Can't mix this one up... Ardent... Ardent March, here it is. Thank god they use such simple names that actually mean something and not crazy gibberish like us. Wait... What if he thinks that I'm just bragging about sitting at the same table with princesses and those Elements? No, that can't be right, I've already had meals with Celestia and Luna, he didn't seem to think I'm some jerk. Okay, here goes...

"Excuse me,Ardent March..." - he started, only to remember that he didn't know if the guard had any officer rank. The human barely restrained himself from facepalming.

"Yes, sir?"

Ardent's response, even if formal, still had a mild tone of genuine care that reassured the human.

"I just wanted to ask..."

The human suddenly stopped, silent. He made one more step just to hear a muffled "clop" behind him. The human sighed and turned around to see his latest new and only fan. The old wizard's big indigo eyes looked at the human with unnerving inquisitiveness. One moment later the old pony was already trying to climb on his subject of study - as always, in vain. With his tongue stuck out due to physical strain, the top of his gray oversized cone-shaped hat swinging back and forth and hind legs waving helplessly as the pony tried his best to pull himself up and climb the human, the latter could almost feel that he wanted to smile. The human nervously looked at Ardent March, so the guard would know that the delay wasn't of his own will. Ardent shrugged in response and pointed on his mane with a hoof. That simple advice was the only one that the human needed at that moment.

*****

Escorted through opulent hallways, the Elements were eyeing around. While her friends were simply admiring the castle, Twilight couldn't help but to look for her mentor. Shortly after arrival, they learnt that the princesses and their guest were still on the meeting with the royal mages. When asked if she would like to wait in the dining hall or meet with her mentor in the Mages Wing, Twilight chose the latter option. Now, despite knowing perfectly where they were going, the purple unicorn kept glancing all over the place, as if Celestia would jump out from behind the curtains or from some ornate vase just to spook her.

The first sign of them being on the right track was one confusing encounter. Rarity was just too busy complementing red-and-gold tapestries with scenes from early Equestria era, when she was almost trampled by an old pony dressed in the dark purple mantle and gray cone-shaped hat. None of the Elements was quick enough to say or do something - the offender was already sprinting away with the speed surprising for his age.

"Professor Far Realm!.." tried to call him Twilight.

The old mage briefly stopped - not to look at whomever shouted his name, but to once more admire his prize.

"This humble fool was blessed by the critically axiomatic monkey! The starless night once more stutters in our wake!"

Twilight and her friends, as well as their escort, stood speechless, staring at Far Realm until he left their sight.

With Applejack's help, Rarity regained her stance. Her muzzle pictured extreme resentment.

"Twilight, don't tell that this ruffian is your acquaintance!"

The other unicorn tried to mask her embarrassment with nervous laugh.

"I'm so sorry, Rarity. This is professor Far Realm. He used to be one of my teachers. He may seem..."

"Brutish and quite phrenetic?" - the white unicorn prompted while checking if her mane was disheveled - it indeed was.

"... Eccentric, but he is one of the wisest professionals in strange and forgotten forms of magic in our land... Maybe, in the whole world!"

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie started springing even higher.

"Twilight, you guys even have MONKEYS here? Fluttershy, how come you didn't tell they had monkeys?! That's the best castle EVER!.. But I don't know what the other words mean!"

But Twilight only shook her head.

"By "monkey" professor must've meant the human we're supposed to meet with. Although... "Axiomatic" means something so obviously truthful that it needs no evidence to back it up... But I don't know how you can be critically self-evident"

"And the last part? About some night without stars?" asked Applejack, scratching back of her head.

"No idea. They say that professor can be the disciple of Star Swirl the Bearded himself, and nopony knows for sure how old is Far Realm. We can only hope his research results will be more comprehensive"

As they continued their trip, Twilight's vigilance finally paid off. She was the first besides the guard to spot the small group, slowly walking towards them. Fully immersed in their conversation, no one from the approaching company paid attention to the newcomers.

Soon, they could hear the dialogue.

"... so there is no way to trace even the method that had been used"

"The magic that brought you here was apparently so powerful that we can't detect anything, Your home world can even be in the dimension different from ours!"

"Which fits quite nicely in my "Outer Spheres" theory! Oh, can't wait to publish this..."

Two mages were promptly silenced by Luna's angry cough. They turned around to the tall figure behind them.

"If we find something, we'll immediately let you know. However..."

They looked at each other, needlessly trying to find a better way to say something that they've already stated in their professional zeal. After Celestia's acknowledging nod, they bowed and went in the opposing direction, returning to their wizardly routine. Both princesses looked at the alien creature.

"We are sorry..."

"...Thank you very much. I couldn't ask for more that you've already done," it softly replied in deep, pleasant baritone after short, but tangible pause.

Meanwhile, Twilight and her friends were carefully watching the human. While twelve eyes studied their soon-to-be new acquaintance, each pair concentrated on different things.

Fluttershy was very nervous. The newcomer was big. While not as huge as Iron Will the minotaur, he still towered above any of them, more than half as much tall. The only ones who rivaled him in height were the two princesses. However, the longer Fluttershy observed this human, the more she realized something. This creature wasn't threatening at all. With its back slightly hunched and its voice quiet, it showed no signs of aggression or dominance. Fluttershy slightly blushed. As Twilight said, it was here because of some magical mishap. It was in trouble and needed their support, not fear. But the yellow pegasus still couldn't shake off some weird feeling about the human, as if there was something... unnatural about him.

Rarity's trained eye was studying the human's attire. She wasn't impressed. The creature was dressed in monotone dark-gray clothes - some sort of jacked, light shirt and pants. It didn't appear to have hooves. Instead, its feet were covered in some sort of hardened socks. The material, however, looked very strange, unlike anything that Rarity had ever worked with. On one of his shoulders the human had s weird backpack, slightly lighter in colour, but definitely made from the same material. At least his face was clean-shaven and his mane, or rather hair, short and dark-brown, kept clean, although in a rather simple style. Rarity smiled. A whole new area to work with, a new challenge for her as the fashion designer.

Rainbow Dash wasn't impressed either. Twilight's hazy recollection seemed to paint humans as colourful, bright and interesting. This one wasn't any of these things. Palish-pink skin with little to no fur. He was more out of shape than in, without any visibly developed muscles. If any humans in his world had interest in sports, he wasn't one of those. While the old mage's insane ramblings sparked even more interest in this alien, he didn't have any claws or huge fangs, even tail. He was huge, sure. But so were many breathtaking enemies that they met and defeated. Each one had something unique about them, while this human, despite being very real alien that somehow showed up from the northern lights in the skies, was... just boring.

Pinkie Pie couldn't care less about how her new friend looked. Filled with extreme excitement, she barely contained her energy. Her jumps were becoming shorter and quicker, as if she was shaking herself like a pony cocktail. However, something bothered her. But what? She frowned, studying the human, tongue stuck out as her thoughts jumped all around her head. He could certainly use some confetti. A welcome cake was in order, too... but the princesses surely covered it with their fancy chefs.

A sudden realization struck her awhile after, but it wasn't one of "light bulb above head" moments that she loved. Her jumps started to lose speed. The human was smiling. A gentle, polite smile that showed no teeth. A genuine smile for a fun and parties amateur. For Pinkie, it was the foulest fake smile she had ever seen. Now she simply needed to do something. Pinkie Pie looked into the stranger's eyes once more. They weren't smiling at all. And those eyes...

"What a pile of horseradish". That was Applejack's final verdict. While she was patiently waiting with others, apple farmer heard every single word that came from the human's mouth. Nearly every single phrase of his had lies in it. Even when he thanked the princesses, there was a lie. Applejack sighed. Still, his deception had no malice in it. Quite opposite, really. This guy seemed to go out of his way to convince everypony - maybe even himself - that everything was fine. A rather nasty kind of lie.

His eyes betrayed his thoughts too. Applejack couldn't resist a kind smirk. This guy wasn't a natural liar at all. He reminded Applejack of her own clumsy lies from the time she was under Discord's spell. The human managed to do a little better. But her smirk faded away shortly after. His eyes... Not as big as pony eyes, they still showed many feelings. None of them were good. Irritation. Exhaustion. Most importantly, apprehension. And those eyes...

Twilight's horn was dimly glowing. She tried her best to not to disturb anypony while scanning the human. He had no magical aura whatsoever, no residual traces of energy. The royal mages said that the magic used to transport the human was so powerful and complex, that for them it was unreadable. Finally, she stopped. Maybe later, if he agrees, they will run a few more tests in her lab. Who knows, they might find something.

Her gaze traveled all over him. Past his figure and clothes, past his skin and hair. Yes, despite him being very different from humans she remembered, he definitely was one. Unavoidably, she looked into his eyes.

A moment later, he and the princesses finished talking and recognized that they had company. And then Twilight's and human's eyes met. Just like her friends, the purple unicorn found his eyes... eerie.

"Is he... sick? No..." started trembling yet again Fluttershy.

"What an abhorrent manifestation," concluded Rarity with disgust.

"Like a dead fish," thought Rainbow Dash.

"That's... that's just not right," felt a chill down her spine Pinkie Pie.

"A rotten core?" rose her brow Applejack in disbelief.

Twilight's thought went back to several days ago. When she saw that abnormal aurora borealis, she couldn't discern its colour. Sometimes dark-brown. Sometimes light-violet. That colour wasn't pleasant to look at. Now, staring into the human's eyes, which had the very same aberrant colour, she understood why.

As she nervously smile to greet approaching company, she thought: "I only hope it isn't as bad as I think."

The colour of worries and confetti

The human was quickly getting more and more tired. With each new minute came new reasons for worries.

First, right after he generously aided his ancient magical fan with some precious hairs, the human was seized by the princesses and two royal mages. That robbed him of opportunity to thank Ardent for his help. Without a doubt, now the guardpony would consider him an ungrateful jerk.

Then he proceeded to smiling awkwardly at two overenthusiastic mages who were bombarding him with unfamiliar terms and convoluted theories. For quite a long time. The princesses seemed to share his irritation, but at least they had substantial knowledge of magic, so the whole tirade wasn't lost on them. But even with his very limited understanding the human did understand.

He was not coming back to his world.

"You see, your highnesses..." continued his explanation one of the mages - only to be immediately interrupted by another.

"... and your humanness, we tried to analyze residual arcane imprints..."

The human silently sighed yet again. He was so tired that couldn't remember their names. How was it... Hoofsteady and Shell Keeper?

"...but our dweomers just couldn't read them properly. And we used all of them -

Wait, no... Hoofworth and Spellstrom? No, not that either...

While the human was caught up in his thoughts, princess Luna decided that she had enough.

"We understand the complexities. Please, explain, why did all your detection methods fail?"

"Why yes, your highness, you see, the power that transported..."

"... our dear human friend is simply immeasurable by our devices! It is too strong..."

"... and too erratic! Half of our magic items simply melted, the other half will need recalibration!"

"Also, we're not entirely sure, but there is a chance that there were two sources of power responsible for opening this portal!"

"But we're not sure if we can ever properly categorize and identify them... But we certainly won't put our hooves down until we..."

The human didn't bother to listen further. A new thought spawned in his head.

I'm not going back. Not now, not ever.

Should I... should I feel bad? The only real difference is that I'm among people once more. Sure, they are pony people, not humans. And if today everything goes smoothly, I won't have to worry about it... Why do I even ask myself such questions? Of course I should feel bad. So why? That world...

That world was my...

"...so there is no way to trace even the method that had been used."

Now these two were talking directly to him, repeating everything. Somehow the managed to leave all the complicated stuff as it was and decided to make already simple words even more simple instead. Thankfully, Luna ended their tirade with her royal cough. The mages composed themselves.

"If we find something, we'll immediately let you know. However..."

The mage ponies looked at each other, checking whether they could add something else. Finally Celestia, just like the human, sighed softly and dismissed them with a short nod. Left alone, she, her sister and their alien guest fell in silence.

"We're sorry."

Celestia's words sounded way louder then they actually were. He turned to the princesses. The look of genuine regret on both of their faces hurt him more than anything else that happened that day. Once again, complete strangers wasted their time selflessly helping him. And now they felt bad because they failed. He started to feel such shame and guilt as if he himself hid his world between the stars and then smashed all the magic gadgets into pieces. The human inhaled and tried to not avert his eyes from the princesses. He managed to last just a few heartbeats before it got too unbearable.

"...Thank you very much. I couldn't ask for more that you've already done."

It was really all he could say - for now. Although it would mean returning to kind of life he despised, the human was adamant about repaying kindness of every single pony he had met. But before his thoughts would delve further, the human realized that they had company.

The bearers of the Elements!

The human was very close to growling in frustration. He spent half of the previous evening practicing and an appropriate greeting, and learning as much as he could about the bearers . He even prepared a few conversation starters for the emergency situating when he would be actually forced to start a conversation. But now he remembered nothing of it. Way to spend time on sighing and being anxious.

Both princesses saw the arrived ponies and smiled, Celestia's expression was especially happy. The human felt relieved - their good mood somehow cheered him as well. But it wasn't time for feeling happy about others. He needed to brace himself and not look like a moron in front of such important ponies.

Now that he was facing them, his eyes quickly darted from one to another. He went out of his way to memorize their names in advance to prevent embarrassing himself. Five years ago, when he had to deal with other humans, he used to search up names of his colleagues in advance and write them down – to offset his terrible memory. While he had no problems remembering all about his trade or obscure random facts that he got from hundreds of books he had read, names and faces were completely different story. With ponies these things were much more tolerable. Most Equestrian names consisted of noun and adjective and, unlike many human names actually meant something. What's more important, pony names most of the time were directly connected to their occupations and cutie marks. Take his favorite guardpony for example. Ardent March. Very guard. Much army. Many soldier. A shame that his cutie mark was covered by armor - the human suspected that it was a well-thought part of the uniform design. This, as well as some sort of enchantment, that made guards look very similar aside from the general coat colour, was an excellent way to hide their identities.

Luckily, the six bearers didn't wear any magical armor.

The human quickly put on a generic polite smile and began studying the newcomers. They were staring at him. And some of them were staring much, much stranger then he expected.

A purple unicorn, who seemed to be Twilight Sparkle, was staring at him with unsettling intensity. They said that while she was a student of magic, Twilight also dabbled in science. The human silently sighed yet again. There was a slight possibility that she could offer a second opinion on his matter, he suspected that she more likely would just bombard him with questions. That added another reason to worry. Just how much he could reveal to ponies about his species and its history? Would they be appalled by numerous atrocities that humankind committed to their own kin and surrounding world? And, most importantly, how would they react to the frightening metamorphosis that forever changed his world?

He looked at her once more. Their eyes met and locked for a few unpleasant seconds.

Oh no. I know this sparkle. That's a researcher's excitement. Here we go again with more strange tests.

Heh, sparkle. Good thing noone heard it. Or nopony.

Another sigh.

The second one staring at him was a background-ish looking earth pony. With orange coat, ridiculous outdated hat and apples for her cutie mark, it clearly was Applejack. While she looked pretty unphased, her eyes studied him carefully and methodically. The human questioned why this pony bothered him so much. Aside from her being the head of the giant successful farm and apple orchard, he failed to find anything extraordinary about Applejack. The only explanation had to be her Element. That pony was trying to read him.

Of course. I mean, you're one of the champions and heroes of this country, and I can turn out to be a spy or something worse. Well, I don't think I've told a lie here even once. Not that I was asked anything worthy to be lied about, anyway. Than why do I feel like a liar?

The others didn't worry him that much. While also were looking at him, they clearly weren't as suspicious or excited - which was a good thing.

The elegant looking one, Rarity, was more interested in his clothes. He heard that she was praised as a "fashionista extraordinaire". Back in the past it usually meant some ridiculous impractical mishmash of colours and fabric. The one thought about that made the human dizzy. Nevertheless, his costume was the only one he would ever need, so Rarity hopefully wouldn't waste her time with him. He had no money to pay for a new one, anyway.

Fluttershy... The Element of kindness. Maybe in some other universe, where he wasn't... like that, they could've been friends. The main problem, however, wasn't his character. It was the inevitable topic, related to his prolonged staying, which he had to bring up sometime after lunch. She was visibly very nervous around him now. After the lunch, she most likely will be disgusted.

Also there was Rainbow Dash. Zero common interests, zero common personality traits. They would never see each other ever again after that day.

The human suddenly remembered the right words. As soon as he was sure they were close enough, he started to open his mouth.

Wait... Something is wrong... There should be six of them, right? Two from each pony tribe. Let's see... There goes orange, purple, white, light blue, yellow... Is she late? And her names was...

The human stopped. His right shoulder and back suddenly became heavy. But it couldn't be - just a mere second ago they felt normal. The human swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. An unexplained tingle of fear sent goosebumps all over his body. He cautiously, slowly turned his head to check.

The sensation came before sight - something warm and slightly wet was touching his nose.

And instead of hallway and his arm, all he could see were two enormous baby-blue eyes - and a huge pink muzzle that opened the next moment, after its owner placed something between his - no, her - lips.

A party horn. Big one. Very big.

The loud and frighteningly jolly blast knocked him back. The pink smiling pony used his loss of balance to jump off his shoulder. Before he could do something, she turned from him, as if searching for something behind her back - and she found it. The startled human now was staring at hole of a massive multicoloured cylinder. From where could she possibly get it?

But the human lost interest in his question right after he realized what that cylinder was.

Too late.

Pinkie Pie pulled the string on her side of the tube, and her weapon, that could be described only as a confetti bazooka, did its job. This time the human didn't even feel the sound. The force of joy and glitter threw him against the wall, leaving the human nearly deaf and covered in the confetti of the highest quality.

"WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA, MISTER HUMAN! LET'S BE FRIENDS! WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU THE BEST PARTY EVEEEEEEER!!!"

"PINKIE!" came a somewhat muffled response from elsewhere.

Ringing in his ears was a little overwhelming at first, but now was quickly fading. The human cringed his face, trying to understand what he could do to provoke the assault. Then, he remembered who Pinkie Pie was and what her Element was. The human couldn't help but chuckle to himself - this fate was set in stone as soon as he showed in this world.

Twilight Sparkle ran towards him and now was trying to help him to get up, at the same time reprimanding Pinkie. The last one was standing with her weapon still smoking, looking at others with the expression of innocent confusion on her face.

The human was about to sigh again, but changed his mind. That would be a long lunch indeed.

Author's Note

Got my PhD, btw