Someone Give That Macro Some Candy!

by Blobskin

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Pinkie Pie, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Comedy
Length: 1698

A titanic creature has come to our world. Destruction spreads rapidly as it goes from city to city asking for something. When will it end!?

A titanic creature has come to our world. Destruction spreads rapidly as it goes from city to city asking for something. When will it end!?

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A silly macro rampage story in honor of Halloween. I don't normally care about the holidays, but I saw a chicken costume at the store the other day and this idea just came to me. So enjoy!

Published 2022-10-26 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-26 22:40:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Version: 2

A bolt of pink lightning appeared on an otherwise clear evening. From the ground to the sky, it was a cotton candy colored line that flickered to and fro, but did not disappear. Instead it lingered in the air. For a moment everything was calm. Then the light began to stretch. One side bent east, the other bent west. The line became a circle more than five kilometers (three miles) across. Inside the circle was pure darkness, like a glimpse of the void beyond reality.

Suddenly an absolutely titanic being of the most alien design emerged.

The forelegs of the creature were coated in bubblegum pink fur and ended in hooves that crashed into the minuscule world below, leaving craters almost a kilometer (half a mile) wide. The rear legs of the monster were covered in golden scales like those of a bird and ended in large two-toed feet that also cut into the flimsy surface of the Earth. These four legs all attached to a white-feathered torso that hovered at the same height as the lowest clouds. Two clusters of feathers that might have been vestigial wings projected from either side of the humongous beast. There was also a fan of feathers at the rear of the being before a curling dark pink tail of twisting hairs dropped from its hindquarters almost down to the landscape below. The neck of the creature sprouted a face much like that of an equine's, yet more round or flattened. The creature had blue eyes far too large for its face and its nose seemed to end in a hard yellow point like a beak despite the clear lips and mouth that were also present. There was a bit of red flesh that dangled from the bottom of the monster's jaw and a comb of red skin that sprouted from atop its head.

It looked like a bizarre fusion of a chicken and a horse with cartoonish colors thrown in to distort its appearance even further. And it was holding a large purple bag with a white spiderweb design on it.

The otherworldly god grinned, its cheeks stretching far beyond what was natural in order to display more teeth than should have been possible to fit in its jaws. It was a grin over a kilometer across.

The portal from which it had emerged remained as the being suddenly bounced into the air as high as itself, five terrifying kilometers (three miles). The sonic boom from its rapid ascent rang out and the clouds parted around it. Then the otherworldly visitor dropped back down, that excited grin still plastered to its muzzle. All four of its legs, two hooves and two feet, crashed into the ground and caused the landscape to buckle. Earthquakes rocked this side of the continent and made buildings sway dangerously.

The creature quickly recovered from its own attack and took in its surroundings. Its blue eyes actually glittered with light and magic as its head darted about. The monster clearly took note of the location of the four closest cities.

Somehow, its horrible smile grew even wider.

The being jumped again, but this time it moved as much forward as it did upward. A new series of craters and quakes were created. It was headed for the nearest city, a sprawling metropolis of over 50,000 people. Every bounce rocked the world and sent humans fleeing and screaming. The power went out after the third hop and the water after the fourth. Fortunately, that is when it stopped. Unfortunately, that also meant it had arrived.

The shadow of the creature was cast east as the sun set to its right. Despite not being engulfed in darkness, everyone felt like they stood in its shade. The alien head of the monster loomed over them, its twisted grin carving nightmares into all who gazed upon it. Those who weren't too busy running for their lives. Some buildings had collapsed and there were countless car accidents. Escape would be difficult even ignoring the being's clear size advantage.

Then it spoke.

A voice beyond understanding boomed and windows across the city vibrated, threatening to shatter. Some did. Everyone covered their ears. Many cried out in pain rather than terror. Then the creature thrust the empty sack it somehow held with its hooves forward. The fibers that made up the bag were each the width of a cable on a suspension bridge and far stronger. The cloth scraped across the ground with a horrible roar and bulldozed the suburbs beneath the monster. Dirt and rubble of all kinds were turned over and over with the snap of motion, ending hundreds of lives in an instant. There was a small rain of debris when the sack stopped moving, held at the end of the great being's extended legs just before demolishing the concrete towers at the center of the city.

The creature remained in that position for no less than a minute as humans recovered, froze, or fled. Then it started to blink. Its eyelids dropped. Its head tilted. Its stare eased. Its lips pouted. Then it snorted and made a sound not unlike a grumble.

The monster raised the bag back up into the sky and turned its attention to another city nearby. It hopped over to it, completely ignoring the helpless little world between the two locations. A town along the way disappeared forever and an entire stretch of highway was obliterated. Yet none of that mattered as the next metropolis found itself without power and cast in the shadow of the godly invader.

It adopted the same terrifying smile as before and once more it spoke. Yet no one could make out the words. Then it thrust the empty bag forward as it had before. Neighborhoods were pulverized and the wall of cloth knocked over several apartment buildings. A hurricane's worth of wind shot forward and sent people flying off their feet as stones and rubble crashed down like missiles. The city was in ruins.

The alien being waited as it had before, as though expecting something. Retaliation? Payment? Worship? The people who bore witness to its terrible acts were beyond terror or reason. It would not get whatever it was it demanded. Mankind had no hope of making sense of its desire while under its assault.

Yet again its grin melted away and the creature huffed. It withdrew the sack and pouted with a slight downturn of its brows.

It eyed the world around it and spotted a third city. This time its smile was not quite as unnaturally large and its jumps were not as great. Not that anyone watching the display from the ground would have noticed the difference.

This city would soon suffer the same fate as the previous. Unlike before however, the titanic monster stood before them for a moment, studying their little creation first. It loomed over them as the chaos deepened. Finally, it spoke as it had the last two times and offered them the empty bag. But it also lowered its head and truly gazed upon them. The hard pointed tip of its nose nearly crashed into a skyscraper and its hot breath created regular wind gusts as strong as any tornado's.

Intimidation. This was a threat. But what was it asking for? What did this horror want?!

Two minutes passed before the smile was replaced with a frown. It raised its head and looked down on them with frustration. Anger. Judgment. They had failed its test.

The huge being glanced toward the portal from once it had come. It clicked its tongue. Then it spied the last city nearby. It took a breath, put on its grin yet again, and began bouncing toward its last target.

The impacts crushed the terrain beneath its notice and obliterated farmlands and forests. Finally it arrived. It spoke. It presented the bag while dragging it across the surface and destroying much of the outer city. Then it waited several moments. Then it frowned.

Then it glared.

In desperation some people threw themselves to the ground and begged. Begged for understanding. Begged for mercy. Begged for more time. They prayed to this alien god.

Yet the creature was not satisfied. It growled, stood tall, and began walking away. Stomping really. It returned to the gateway and stepped back through. Shortly after, the dark circle collapsed and was no more. The enormous abomination was never seen again.

Pinkie Pie, in her classic chicken costume, threw open the library door with a sigh.

"Pinkie! Where have you been?" Rainbow Dash gushed. "You missed all of my awesome pranks."

The sun had just set and the rest of the girls were already enjoying a Nightmare Night slumber party. There was a single huge pile of candy on the center table that everypony was sharing.

"Hey, what's wrong Pinkie? You don't look like your usual bubbly self," Rarity noted with concern.

Pinkie approached the table and took a piece of chocolate. After swallowing, she explained. "I went to a neighborhood I've never visited before. But nopony there would give me any candy," she sighed. "I thought they celebrated Nightmare Night, but I guess they don't."

"What? Who wouldn't celebrate Nightmare Night?!" Rainbow yelled. "What kind of weird neighborhood did you visit, Pinkie?"

"I went to Earth, but nopony was excited to see me."

That made Rainbow mad and she pounded her hooves together. "What, they don't know how to have a good time?" She flew up next to Pinkie and threw a hoof over her shoulder. "Hey, I got an idea. You and me should go back there and play some pranks on them until they lighten up."

Pinkie giggled. "Nah, I'd much rather have fun with all of you guys."

"Aw," they all said in unison. Even Twilight, who had been intrigued by the name of the neighborhood Pinkie had just mentioned, but quickly forgot about it in favor of enjoying the rest of Nightmare Night with her friends.

Author's Note

Pinkie = 5000 meters, 5 km, 16400 ft, 3.1 mi
Hoof = 800 meters, 0.8 km, 2600 ft, 0.5 mi