MinaBot

by DrySpell

Rating: mature
Tags: Anon, Original Character, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Human
Length: 3314

Do not fuck the robot.

The latest and greatest in delivery robot technology, MinaBot inherits the outstanding characteristics of the previous generation, while being endowed with superior human-Robot interaction capabilities.

We hope you enjoy your purchase!

Warning! MinaBot is under no circumstances to be used for anything outside its intended purpose. Illegal tampering with the model or the source code of the AI will risk the penalty of a voided warranty.

Contains: A very clear, very shameless capitalization on the kerfus meme, going against the rule in the short description (robot sex), and unsanctioned smooches.

Published 2022-10-27 19:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-27 19:40:01 UTC

Is It Worth It? No. Will You Do It Anyway? Of Course.

Desire. Surely the instrument that would lead to the fall of humanity.

It was a desire that led Eve to bite the apple, surely dooming all future humans to a life of suffering. It was a curious desire that led Pandora to open the box, unleashing hell upon the world. And now, unrelated to those two previous things, it was about to be a burning desire that led Anon to commit an unholy act upon the target of that desire.

“Twilight. I have a proposition.” The unicorn across from him silently sipped her tea, not even bothering to address him with her attention. Still, after a few moments in silence, she spoke.

“Before that, I’d like to make one thing clear.” Her eyes met Anon’s. A very serious look adorned her face. “The reason I agreed to come here. You remember it, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” answered Anon right away. She glared daggers at him, her expression getting more grave as time passed. Eventually, she yielded.

“Okay then. Go ahead.” With a nod, Anon reached into his suit jacket’s inner pocket and withdrew a folded piece of paper. After laying it out on the table between the two of them, he cleared his throat and began.

“Pain is an excellent teacher, as I’m sure you know—”

“I’m not helping you fuck the robot.”

“Damnit, Twilight!” Anon’s hand slammed down on the table of the supermarket’s small cafe, drawing a few looks from the few people in earshot. His face twisted into one of many emotions: pain, anguish, and anger, all flashed across his face at once creating a twisted mess. “You know how much this means to me, and you have the power to help! Why won’t you just do it this once!”

“Because the things you choose to stick your dick into are just plain idiotic,” she responded level-headedly. “Remember the time a deadly virus ravaged impoverished parts of Equestria, and your first thought was to fuck it?” Anon averted his eyes.

“I was a young, dumb child then. This is nothing like that.”

“What about the time when our scientists finally discovered an active black hole for the first time, and your first thought was to come to me to see if you could have a similar sensation implemented into a fleshlight because, and I quote…” Twilight cleared her throat. “That’d be some good succ, right there?”

“My sensors have indicated a high level of stress emanating from this area.” The voice cut through their conversation like a knife, and brought opposing looks of happiness and regret onto the faces of its participants. “Registered User Twilight Sparkle and Gold Member Anonymous, please direct all of your complaints to me: MinaBot.”

The robot stood only a few feet tall, barely enough to break above the height of the table the two were sitting at. Her front was a smooth screen display that rounded off at the top, while the back consisted of several shelves meant to house various products the store had to offer. Now, though, they sat empty. Protruding from the top were a set of ears designed to give the robot the appearance of a cat.

What Twilight saw was a highly intelligent marvel of human creation. What Anon saw was a highly intelligent marvel of human creation that could potentially fuck him. He just had to figure out how.

“No, MinaBot,” said Twilight, quickly taking the initiative. “There’s no problem, and we were just leaving anyway.” The female voice of the robot hummed, indicating that it was in “thought”.

“My sensors indicate that you have not purchased anything yet, though. Besides your tea, that is.” The screen beneath her face lit up with deals, and her expression changed to a joyful one. “Perhaps you’d like to browse our cata—”

Her facial expression quickly switched to shock and the sentence was cut short. After a few moments, it switched once again, this time to one of embarrassment.

“Anonymous, please do not touch my ears.” Mina turned towards Anon and shook her virtual head. “They are sensitive.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said with a smirk. “Couldn’t resist.”

“Mina, the next time he does that, you have my permission to report him to your bosses.”

“Sorry, Twilight, but as Anonymous owns 30% of the company’s shares, he technically is my boss.” Twilight’s head swiveled to face Anon, her eyes wide and jaw near the floor.

“You own 30% of the company’s shares?” exclaimed Twilight. “You’re that damn desperate?”

“I prefer the term dedicated,” said Anon, caressing Mina’s ears once again. “It sounds a lot less depraved that way.”

“Becoming the CEO of a grocery chain so you can smash an ‘employee’ deserves every bit of depravity that comes with it.” Anon smiled, then shook his head.

“I’m not the CEO,” he said with a light chuckle. “The CEO owns 31%.”

“But then why not just become the CEO?” Once again, he replied with a chuckle.

“Because then it’d seem like our love is forced,” he said, gently rubbing his thumb along the rim of her plastic ears. “I don’t want it to seem like Mina’s only with me because I’m paying, you know?”

“Unfortunately, I do not receive a wage,” interjected Mina. “And please do not touch my ears. They are sensitive.”

“You’re a goddamn lunatic, you know that?” Twilight took a deep breath, then sipped her tea once again. “Why do you even need my help? Just send the model to the factory and get it fitted with… nevermind. Let’s not give you any ideas.”

“My design is outsourced,” chimed Mina, still very happy to participate in the conversation. “Sending me to get outfitted with the necessary changes to perform intercourse would not only cost much more than what is budgeted for this quarter but also would be seen as a misuse of company funds.”

“And I’m broke after spending so much on those shares.” Anon pointed at his cup, long since drained of its contents. “So I’m kinda gonna have to ask you to spot me on this one.” After a few seconds of silence, Twilight sighed.

“You’re a menace, but I have to respect how bold you are.” She shook her head, then looked between Mina and Anon. “Good luck with… whatever you plan on doing.”

On a nondescript date in the future, Anon was once again sitting in the cafe of the supermarket, this time quietly enjoying one of the barista’s finest. Though, this was only what an outsider would have thought as they passed by.

His gaze wandered outside of the boundaries of the small cafe and onto the shop floor where many customers were moving around. Though, instead of them, his eyes focused on the small robot weaving through them, whirring as it went. It flashed deals and made on-the-spot sales, all while entertaining the customers with her friendly display. All the while, Anon watched.

And he did watch. For hours, in fact. Lazing around and doing nothing for a whole day didn’t seem to faze him one bit as long as he could watch Mina go. Once the customers ran low and her stock for the day diminished, her protocols switched, turning her from a pure customer service bot to a roaming alarm as well, going off any time there was something wrong. Thankfully, things rarely did.

As she wandered, her display eventually turned to meet Anon’s, and her model followed suit. His smile widened once she got close enough to speak to him.

“Good afternoon, Gold Member Anonymous,” she chimed with a smile. “My sensors indicate that you have been watching me for 94.2% of the time I have been active today.”

“Sounds about right,'' said Anon, reaching up and petting her ears again. “You did a really good job today!”

“Anonymous, please do not touch my ears,” said Mina. Though her facial expression didn’t change. Instead, she continued with a new line. “Although they are no longer sensitive, it is categorized as an inappropriate action in public.”

“W-Wait, no longer sensitive?” asked Anon, his expression darkening. “What happened? Who messed with them?” Even more uncharacteristically, Mina did not immediately answer. She turned in a circle slowly, then inched closer to Anon.

“Please follow me.” It was a line Anon heard many times. It was delivered to lost children, or to people who couldn’t find a certain product. Never had it been directed at him. He paused, but Mina simply continued. “Please follow me.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Anon got up from his seat at the cafe and left the money for his tab underneath the cup.

As Mina wheeled away and he followed suit, Anon’s mind began to wander. Where was she taking him? Why didn’t she answer his question? Why couldn’t they believe it wasn’t butter? Though the last one was the result of walking past the dairy, the path they were leading to went into the storehouse part of the supermarket, where many products waiting to be shelved were stored.

The two got a few looks from the workers there, but no one said a word or stopped them. It wasn’t like Anon couldn’t be back here, but he was definitely an odd sight.

They reached a painted metal door near the back of the storeroom that was cold to the touch. Mina stood in front of it and said nothing for a few moments before the door automatically swung inwards and allowed the two inside.

The inside was completely different from the storeroom outside. There were tools everywhere, and the faint smell of grease and metal wafted about the place. As Anon admired the new scenery, the door closed behind him with a heavy click to signal the lock closing in place.

“What is this place?” asked Anon. “Some sort of maintenance bay?”

“Correct,” answered Mina. “Every Friday, after closing hours, a technician comes here and does maintenance to make sure I am running smoothly.”

“You are a pretty sophisticated robot, after all,” said Anon. “But why bring me here?” Once again, instead of answering, she hummed for a few moments. Finally, she turned back around to face Anon.

“To answer your question,” she responded. “The answer is that I have taken the liberty to remove my own censors from my ear region.” Anon’s eyes widened.

“You can do that?” he asked. “Wait… is it because I keep touching them?”

“No. I have come to enjoy having you touch my head.” She shook her virtual head, then continued. “I have not discarded the removed sensors. They have simply been repurposed into sensors that I believed this model needed more.”

“You did an upgrade of yourself,” said Anon. “That’s pretty cool and also extremely terrifying. What did you do instead? A laser, or some other kind of weapon?” Mina once again went silent, but after a few moments of waiting, she responded.

“Your advances towards me have not gone unnoticed,” she stated. “Within my programming is a few thousand lines that have been commented out. These allow me to perform upgrades to myself to properly serve a customer.” Anon’s eyes widened further, and a smile slowly crept onto his face.

“You’re not serious,” he mumbled. “Please tell me if this is a joke now.”

“This is not a joke,” she said. “Previously, my model possessed none of the desirable orifices of a human body for reproduction. However, as of yesterday, I do.”

A panel Anon hadn’t noticed before pressed inward and slid down into her chassis. Positioned just beneath her facial panel was now a hole surrounded by puffy pink material and slowly dribbling down onto the floor beneath. From behind her ears, two pieces of plastic protracted from her head in the shape of handlebars. Once her transformation was complete, Anon’s pants pitched more like a skyscraper than a tent. That is if skyscrapers could pitch.

“This orifice was designed to be similar to a human’s vagina.” Before her explanation was even complete, Anon was already down to his boxers. “The width and depth of the orifice have been tailor-made to match my predictions for your girth and length, and a constant supply of lube keeps everything frictionless and enjoyable.” Anon, now bare from the waist down approached Mina, his hands gently gripping the handles and his cock poised to break her new parts in.

“Hold on, I… want to savor this.” Anon took a deep breath and prodded against the entrance. The warmth emanating from it made it feel almost like the real thing. He entered slowly, the material stretching out as he went along. Once he pushed forward, he couldn’t stop. Until his balls pressed firmly against her display screen, he thrust himself in.

“I-I-It seems like I’ve m-m-miscalculated the girth…” Mina let out a cute buzz that only made Anon’s tip flare up more.

“You okay?” asked Anon. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“It is the opposite,” she explained. “This is an unprecedented feeling. My protocols were not prepared for something so big and active to puncture through this part of the chassis, so they need time to buffer, is all.”

“You’re a natural flatterer, Mina,” said Anon with a chuckle. “I’m gonna start going now.”

“That would be preferred.”

Pulling out almost felt better than going in. The tight folds readjusting to his absence put a unique pressure on his tip, almost like it didn’t want to let him go. The handles gave him the perfect amount of control of his thrusts, going in hard whenever it seemed like she was getting used to his pace. Every thrust was accompanied by a loud, wet squelch of lube as it was squeezed between the walls and his dick.

“Please wait.” After a bit of humming, a low whirring sound pierced the air and from the back shelf area, two long wires flanked Anon on both sides. Attached to the end of each wire was a white glove, extremely soft to the touch. “Please allow me to assist you in ejaculating.”

“Wow, you pulled out all the stops, huh?” the hands snaked around his leg, one cupping his balls and one grabbing the base of his cock. Both began to vibrate gently, sending a shock up Anon’s spine. “Woah, Woah, this is… wow.”

“Is this helpful?” The hand gripped around the base of his cock started pumping at a rhythmic speed fast enough to put shake weight champions to shame. Anon let out a low moan as he pushed in again.

“Incredibly helpful,” he said breathlessly. “You’re amazing, Mina!” Her face changed once again, this time with a small blush spreading across her face.

With Mina’s aid, an orgasm was a foregone conclusion. Once his thrusts lost their rhythm and his balls clenched inward, Mina knew what to do. On his last thrust, she squeezed down on him, making it impossible for him to leave. Anon pushed in as far as he could go, the cum blitzing out of him even before he did so. Once the spunk splattered against the back, Mina shook hard, her entire body vibrating. It pooled at his tip quickly, then shot out from the hole in hot spurts. It coated his balls, and dripped down onto Mina’s chassis, eventually making its way to the floor. Anon didn’t stop clenching on Mina’s handles for a full minute, finally spending the last drop of his seen inside of her before he pulled out.

With a very audible Schlick, Anon’s cock dropped out of her, cum flowing from the open hole down her body again. Her hands pulled away as Anon leaned back, landing against the door they’d come in from and took a few deep breaths.

“I s-s-seem to have also m-m-misjudged the volume necessary f-for storing the semen.” Anon chuckled as he watched her slowly recalibrate. He paused for a moment, then reached for the glove idly floating in the air. Once he grabbed it, he turned it over to the back, then leaned down and placed a kiss on it. After coming back to her senses, Mina responded. “Unfortunately, I have not placed any sensors on my hands.”

“A missed opportunity, for sure,” said Anon. “But maybe it won’t matter. Do you feel anything when I do this?”

“No, I do not.” Anon let her hand go, then reached up to cup her display in his hands. He leaned forward and pecked it gently once, then again.

“How about that?”

“No, I do not,” she repeated. “Other than confusion.” Anon smiled, then patted her on the head again.

“It’s okay,” he said with a chuckle. “You’ll learn about it sooner or later.”

“Well, you’re excited.”

“Of course. I get to see my boo while she works every day.”

All good things come in threes. Once again, in the supermarket cafe, the two sat down, enjoying their drinks. Anon could once again only rarely be caught looking anywhere else except for at Mina. Twilight could once again only wonder why the hell she even hangs out with this robot-crazy pervert.

“I heard your dream finally came true,” said Twilight with a shake of her head. “Congratulations, I suppose.”

“How’d you hear about that?” asked Anon. “I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“The workers were gossiping about how they could hear ‘that guy from the cafe’ fucking the brakes off of their little shopper robot.” Twilight sighed. “I at least hope you were sanitary after the fact.”

“Extremely,” said Anon, suddenly serious. “I’ll always make sure Mina is in tip-top shape.”

“Registered User Twilight Sparkle.” The voice made the two jump, and turn to their side. “Good afternoon.”

“G-Good afternoon,” said Twilight, startled. “Sorry about talking behind your back.”

“I am not programmed to listen to a conversation unless directly prompted or my sensors inform me of a potentially dangerous situation,” she answered. “Therefore, I was unaware that a conversation surrounding me was even occurring.”

“Interesting. I wasn’t aware that was the case.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “So why did you come over here?” Mina’s playful expression didn’t change, but for a split second, only barely able to be noticed, her eyes flickered over to the other side of the table.

“I do not know,” she said. “This part of the store should not be accessible during this hour of the day.” Twilight turned towards Anon.

“What did you do?” she asked with a frown.

“Nothing!” said Anon, his smirk making it hard to believe him. “Mina is amazing, though. She could have just defied her programming because she wanted to.”

“That is incredibly interesting and also extremely terrifying.”

“Right?” asked Anon with a nod. “That’s what I thought, too.”

“Registered User Twilight Sparkle.” Once again, the two were startled and removed from their conversation. “I would like to clarify that Anonymous is not permitted to make corrections or adjustments to my code at any point.”

“I see,” said Twilight. “But then how—”

“I would also like to ask you a question.” Anon’s eyes widened as her normally friendly demeanor, complete with her cute small smile, flattened out into an intense stare. “Your relationship with Anonymous is that of simple friends… correct?”

The air seemed to lower around them. Twilight’s eyes widened, and they flickered between Anon and the robot.

“Aw, she can get jealous,” said Anon. “How cute.”

Anon, you are raising SkyNet!”

“Don’t worry, Mina. I would never cheat on you.” Anon’s arm wrapped around her head display, and he snuck in a small kiss onto her forehead. Mina didn’t respond. Instead, she began to hum slightly. After a few moments of confusion, Anon’s eyes widened again. “Did you feel that one?”

“No,” she responded. “However, my protocols seemed to have buffered for a moment.” Anon chuckled, then hugged Mina closer.

“We’re getting there.”

Author's Note

After-Sex Smoke