Nightmare Night, What a Fright, Give Us Something Sweet to Fight… About
No one expected Lyra Heartstrings to be an accomplished chef. Unless they mistook her lyre cutie mark for a cheese slicer.
But it still surprised ponies – Lyra included – to learn just how inept she was in the kitchen. She had no problem cutting the food and placing it in its appropriate cooking container, but the actual cooking part of the process was beyond her. Her attempt at chili was closer to a gazpacho. Her pasta didn’t just come out mushy – one time, it disintegrated in the water. It was a minor miracle that she had figured out how to cook a decent bowl of oats.
So it was natural that Lyra still marveled at the fact that she of all ponies spent so much time in the kitchen. It was all thanks to her wife, Bon Bon, who had figured out how Lyra could assist her in making candy in beneficial ways so they could spend more time together – not only more time spent together outside the kitchen after the candy orders were fulfilled, but time spent together while the candy was being made, each mare working alongside the pony she loved the most.
Lyra might not have understood the chemistry of making delicious candy at the perfect consistency, but she was very good at using her telekinesis to quickly chop up sprinkles and carefully position cherries in the centers of chocolate molds. Her contributions allowed Bon Bon to make more complex candies in greater quantities, providing the couple with more income and more free time to do other things they enjoyed.
It was three days before Nightmare Night. Lyra was cutting up cellophane and using it to wrap the individual cube-shaped caramels that her wife was preparing. Bon Bon always made caramels for Nightmare Night – they weren’t her fanciest candies, but they were easy and inexpensive to make. Especially considering that she’d be giving them out for free and that some of the more ungrateful foals would end up abandoning them to Nightmare Moon anyway.
Still, Bon Bon took too much pride in her work to make substandard candy. The caramels were cooked just long enough to provide the perfect hint of bitterness to bring out the sweetness. It wasn't her first choice to wrap the candies in cellophane – the material was a little more expensive than wax paper – but a nationwide candy manufacturer had already cornered the market on orange- and black-wrapped peanut butter and molasses taffies. As far as Bon Bon was concerned, those bland, poorly made monstrosities didn't deserve to be called candy. And she had no intention of letting anyone think that her quality confections were associated with that garbage.
Bon Bon pulled the last baking pan out of the icebox where it had been cooling. As Lyra picked up a knife in her magic and began to cut the sheet of caramel into cubes, Bon Bon looked at the clock.
“I think this is the fastest we’ve ever made these,” she said. She stepped over to nuzzle Lyra, realized that her muzzle was cold from having been in the icebox, and instead wrapped a foreleg over Lyra’s withers to give her a side hug.
“That’s because we’re a great team.”
“We sure are. And now I have the rest of the afternoon free, all thanks to you being such a big help. I feel like I owe you or something.”
Having finished the cutting, Lyra put the knife down on the counter. She turned to her wife. “I know how you could pay me back,” she said, smiling.
When Bon Bon heard Lyra’s suggestion, she didn’t need to think very long to see how it would be a win-win. Sure, Lyra would get the greatest pleasure out of what they were going to do. But Bon Bon would enjoy it, too.
And so it was decided that when foals came to their residence for Nightmare Night candy, Lyra would be the one who answered the door, giving her the first opportunity and best vantage point to see what they were dressed up as. Bon Bon would have to look around her head to see the costumes.
Bon Bon had nearly finished tidying up the kitchen when she heard a knock at the front door. Because Lyra was still wrapping caramels, she went to the other room to answer it. She hoped that it was one of their friends and not someone she didn’t know. Even though she had made a name for herself in Ponyville as the town’s specialist in reasonably priced gourmet candy and candy-adjacent sweets, she seemed to always get one or two ponies each year asking her to make cheap Nightmare Night treats. She always responded by asking what they did for a living, then asking them if they would ever provide a shoddy version of their service. It was a good way to both make her point and learn which businesses to never patronize.
She opened the door to see Torch Song, one of the members of the Pony Tones.
“Oh, hi,” Bon Bon greeted her. “Lyra’s in the kitchen – I’ll go get her.”
“Actually,” Torch Song said, “I’m here to see you.”
Bon Bon prepared herself to possibly offend one of her wife’s acquaintances. “You are? What about?”
“I was just wondering… are you going to be making any candy corn for the holiday? I really like the kind from the store, but then I realized that yours would probably be even better.”
Bon Bon released the small bit of tension she didn’t realize she had been holding in her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t make candy corn. Nothing against it, but making three different colors of candy and then measuring out tiny amounts of each into those little molds… I’d have to charge more than ponies would be willing to pay for it. That’s one of the few kinds of candy I’m happy to leave to the factories.”
Torch Song frowned. “That’s too bad,” she said, “but I guess I understand. Well, it was worth a try. I hope you have a nice day!” She began to turn to leave.
“You too!” Bon Bon said and closed the door.
About ten minutes later, Lyra had finished wrapping the caramels. The couple had moved into the living room to relax with the newspaper – Bon Bon was reading the front section while Lyra, as always, started with the comics. There was a knock on the door.
Because Lyra was engrossed in her section of the paper, Bon Bon was the one to get up from the loveseat to answer it. At the door was Lofty, one of Scootaloo’s aunts.
“Bon Bon – just the mare I was looking for,” she said.
“Lofty! How are you?”
“One of my hind legs is locking up a little, but I can’t complain. Ah, but I didn’t come here to tell you about my problems. I was just coming back from the market and I got to thinking. Do you know what you’ll be giving out for Nightmare Night this year?”
“Caramels,” Bon Bon said. “Actually, we just finished making them. Why were you wondering?”
Lofty sighed. “Well, Scoots is getting to the age where she isn’t going to want to dress up and go out for candy too much longer. And if this is her last Nightmare Night doing that, I want it to be a good one. But the only plan I could come up with was making sure she doesn’t get any disappointing sweets – like candy corn.” She shuddered.
“I take it you don’t like candy corn?”
Lofty realized who she was talking to. “I’m not saying it’s terrible,” she quickly replied. “I’m sure a candy enthusiast like you probably appreciates it in ways that somepony like me can’t.”
“Actually,” Bon Bon said, “I’m indifferent toward candy corn. I don’t hate it, but it isn’t something I ever seek out.”
“Ah, good.” Lofty wiped her brow. “Because really, if you ask me, candy corn is terrible.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about Scootaloo getting any from here. We’ll be giving out delicious, creamy caramels.”
“Perfect!” She offered a playful, winking look. “Makes me want to dress up like a foal so I can get some for myself.”
“What’ll you be giving out?”
“Mini chocolate chip cookies.”
“Mmm,” Bon Bon said, nodding in approval. “If we both have leftovers, maybe we can negotiate a trade.”
Lofty barked out a laugh. “I’ll hold you to that! Well, I should get going – it was nice seeing you.” She peeked around past Bon Bon’s head to look into the house. “Nice seeing you too, Lyra!”
Lyra leaned backward over the side of the loveseat. “Likewise! Say hi to Holiday for us!” From her upside-down position, she waved.
After Bon Bon bade Lofty farewell, she closed the door and returned to the loveseat. “I didn’t realize some ponies felt so strongly about candy corn,” she said.
Lyra gestured vaguely with a foreleg. “Everypony has something strange they feel weirdly passionate about,” she said, sitting back upright. She gave her wife a mischievous smile. “Blue raspberry.”
“No raspberry is bright blue! It’s irresponsible to make ponies think that blue equals raspberry when most raspberries are already their own perfectly nice shade of red!” Bon Bon exhaled sharply through her nose. “But I guess you’ve made your point.”
After they finished with the newspaper, the couple moved to the kitchen table and set up the board game Peril (with its Pop-’Em-At-It aril). Thanks to some lucky pops of the die, Lyra was playfully gloating about how her win was imminent when there was another knock at the door.
Even though she was seated closer to the opening into the living room, Lyra said, “As the world champion of Peril, I demand that you answer that.”
Bon Bon dramatically rolled her eyes, got up, and began to walk out of the kitchen. “The champion of a game that’s something like 90% luck,” she said.
“Do not question the greatest Peril player in the history of Equestria,” Lyra said, following directly behind her to the front door.
Bon Bon opened the door to reveal a light yellow pegasus whose mane and tail were striped with three different shades of blue. “Are you Bon Bon the candy pony?” she asked.
“I am,” she said. She once again tensed up in anticipation of an order for cheap candy.
“I’m Sunshower,” the pegasus said. “Mrs. Cake said you might be able to help me. I’m looking for candy corn.”
Bon Bon involuntarily shifted her head and raised one eyebrow. Then she realized that out of context, her confused reaction was impolite, so she forced her face back to a neutral expression. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t help you. I’m set up to make a lot of different types of candy, but candy corn is one that I don’t make.”
“You have to!” Sunshower said. “I tried Barnyard Bargains last week, but they were out! They told me their last shipment would come in this morning, but when I went there, they were all sold out again! Then I went to Sugarcube Corner, and they don’t have any! Autumn isn’t autumn without candy corn! The whole season is going to be ruined!”
“Ruined?” Bon Bon said. “It… it’s just candy corn.”
“Just…?! Of all ponies, a candy pony like you should appreciate candy corn! The way that first bite floods your brain with wonderful autumn memories… that unique, indescribable flavor that isn’t like anything else! The season doesn’t feel complete without candy corn. And I won’t get to have any this year?!”
“I’m… sorry?”
“No!” Sunshower said, flaring her wings. “I won’t let this stand. Ponies are supposed to be able to eat candy corn this time of year. And I’ll do whatever it takes to right this wrong.”
Without another word, she flew away. Bon Bon reached over to close the door, but then saw an earth pony stallion walking in the direction of the house. She waited in the doorway to see whether he would approach. Sure enough, he did.
“Hello,” said the stallion, who was wearing a suit jacket over a button-up shirt. “Bon Bon, is it?”
“Yes,” she replied. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name. You run Quills and Sofas, right?” She phrased it as a question even though she was relatively certain she was correct, given that his cutie mark depicted a quill and a sofa.
“That’s right,” he said. “My name is Davenport. I just wanted to stop by to see whether you were planning on selling any candy corn this year.”
Bon Bon craned her neck behind her to give a puzzled look to Lyra, who responded with a small shrug. She turned her attention back to the stallion.
“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “If you’re looking for—”
“Good,” he interrupted. “I’m relieved to hear that you’re a mare of good taste who understands that innocent ponies shouldn’t be subjected to that abomination.”
“Abomination?”
He nodded. “Candy corn is the worst thing to happen to autumn, and I’m doing my part to keep ponies away from it.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “My associates and I have already bought out Barnyard Bargains’ entire supply so we can dispose of it and make sure it isn’t forced on anypony this year. You can rest easy knowing that Ponyville is safe from inferior candy.”
After a moment of awkward silence, Bon Bon said, “I… hadn’t really given it any thought.”
“And you don’t have to,” he said. “You just stay focused on not making candy corn, and we’ll take care of everypony else. Have a nice day.” He turned to leave.
“Um… you too,” Bon Bon said. She closed the door and faced Lyra.
“Does he not realize that buying all of Barnyard Bargains’ candy corn just means that there’ll be more of it next year?” she asked.
Lyra said, “I’m more worried about what he was planning to do to you if you had said you were selling candy corn. I understand being passionate, but something about that conversation was… concerning.”
“I hope this isn’t the start of a trend where everypony feels compelled to share their opinions of candy corn with me.”
“They’re doing it because they know you’re the best confectioner ever.” She gently poked Bon Bon in the chest. “And that makes you Mrs. Popular.” She put her hoof down. “But don’t worry – I’m here to keep you humble. For example, let’s get back to humiliating you at Peril.”
The next morning, Bon Bon and Lyra arrived at Sweet Apple Acres. Only Bon Bon needed to be there – she was collaborating with Applejack to make candy apples to be given out at the town’s Nightmare Night festival – but neither mare considered that a valid reason to be apart.
They met Applejack by the barn to load up a cart with the apples that needed to be dipped. As the mares discussed what was going on in their lives, the conversation turned to the events of the day before.
“The weirdest thing happened yesterday,” Bon Bon said. “Throughout the afternoon, four different ponies stopped by our house to talk to me about candy corn.”
“Candy corn?” Applejack said. She tilted her head so the brim of her hat cast a shade over her eyes. “There’re four ponies who want candy corn that bad?”
“Only two liked it,” Bon Bon said. “Or more accurately, they loved it enough to hunt me down to try to get some. The other two hated it.”
Applejack nodded slightly and lifted her head back up. “Hm. Glad to see at least half the ponies ’round here have sense about ’em.”
Lyra said, “I take it you don’t care for candy corn?”
Applejack said, “I don’t wanna hurt your feelings none…”
“We’re neutral on the subject,” Bon Bon said. “Go ahead.”
“Well, in that case,” Applejack said, “I got no patience for candy corn. It ain’t real corn. Candy should be candy, and corn should be corn. We already got sweet corn, and that tells you exactly what it is. Candy should stick to bein’ candy – it don’t need to be other things, too.”
After a pause, Lyra said, “You’ve had these feelings for a while.”
“Darn tootin’ I have. And don’t get me started on pineapples.”
“We won’t.” Bon Bon stood between the wooden shafts of the cart while Lyra helped hitch her up. “Anyway, I’ll have all of these candied and on sticks for Nightmare Night. See you then!”
“Y’all take care,” Applejack said. As the couple walked away, she called out, “And be sure you don’t mention candy corn to Granny ’less you really want an earful!”
“We won’t!” Bon Bon called back.
Once they left Sweet Apple Acres and were on the road back home, she said, “At this point, I think I can go the rest of the season without hearing any more about it.”
After dropping the apples off in their kitchen, Bon Bon checked on the toffee she had made at the beginning of the day. It had set, so Lyra smashed it into small pieces that could be added to baked goods, then dumped the pieces into a container so the couple could deliver them to Sugarcube Corner.
When they arrived, the Cakes had taken their twins on a trip to play at the park. In their absence, the bakery was being overseen by Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich.
“Hi, Bon Bon and Lyra!” Pinkie said as the two walked in the door. Before either could respond, she said, “You must be here with the toffee bits!” Before either could even nod, she continued, “Have you heard all the talk around town lately about candy corn?”
Bon Bon sighed. Seeing that Pinkie had stopped talking, she then said, “Yes, I’m very much aware of it.”
Lyra said, “Let me guess – you two like it?”
A stern expression fell across Cheese’s face. Somehow the area in his immediate vicinity grew dimmer. In a low, gravelly voice, he said, “I don’t like candy corn.”
Suddenly the lighting returned to normal. “I love it!” he said enthusiastically.
“Who doesn’t love candy corn?” Pinkie said.
Bon Bon replied, “Roughly half the town, from what I’m seeing.”
“What?!?” Pinkie shrieked. “But Barnyard Bargains is sold out – I thought that meant everypony loved it!”
“Not at all,” Bon Bon said. “There are a lot of ponies who – for whatever reason – really, really hate candy corn.”
Pinkie drew back, one hoof held over her chest. “No! I won’t accept that!” She stomped that hoof on the floor. “They just haven’t learned to like it yet. And it’s our job to change their minds!”
“I know what we can do!” Cheese said. “We can go from house to house overnight and leave everypony a pile of delicious candy corn so they can all taste how great it is!”
“Like Hearth’s Warming, but two months early! I love it!” She jumped in place, stopped, and slowly descended to the floor. “No, wait. If ponies already think they don’t like it, then they won’t eat the candy corn we leave for them.”
“Ooh, you’re right. Hmm…” Lost in thought, he looked around aimlessly at the window, at the treats displayed on one of the walls, and at Boneless 2, presently stationed at the cash register. When he looked back at Pinkie, he said, “I’ve got it! Can you rig one of your party cannons to shoot candy corn directly into ponies’ mouths?”
“That’s brilliant!” Pinkie responded. “Then they’d have to taste it, and they’d realize it’s great!”
“Wait wait wait,” Bon Bon said, waving a foreleg to get their attention. “You’re going to shoot small, pointy-tipped projectiles at incredibly high speeds at ponies’ mouths?”
There was silence as the two party ponies contemplated that. Several seconds passed.
“Oh,” Pinkie finally said. “Yeah. That might not end well.”
“That’s all right,” Cheese said. “We’ll find some other way to get everypony to love candy corn.”
Lyra finished levitating the container of toffee bits onto the counter. “Maybe don’t try to force anything on anypony,” she said. “Especially right now. Ponies seem to feel really strongly about the subject, and it’s always somepony’s really strong opinion about something small and inconsequential that blows up the biggest.”
Bon Bon looked at her. “I haven’t said anything about the pictures on the mantel in months!”
Cheese said, “I don’t want to blow anything up. Except for balloons. And bounce houses. And bombs filled with thousands and thousands of streamers.” With a frown on his face, he lowered his head. “All right, fine. I guess we won’t give any candy corn to anypony.”
Pinkie draped her foreleg over his withers. “It’s okay,” she told him. “You know what’ll help us forget all about some ponies’ lack of taste? Baking more leaf-shaped cookies.”
“You’re right,” he said. He lifted his head back up for a nuzzle. “You always know how to cheer me up.”
“That reminds me,” Lyra said to Bon Bon. “We still need to rake up the leaves around our house so we can make a pile to jump into this year.”
Pinkie said, “How did you know what we were going to do with the cookies?”
Having successfully delivered the toffee bits, Bon Bon and Lyra began their walk home, passing by some of Ponyville’s residences on the way.
Lyra said, “What’s the count at now? Four ponies who really love candy corn and three ponies who really hate it?”
“That we’ve talked to,” Bon Bon said. “In the past two days.”
“True. I never knew this many ponies were so opinionated about it. Even before I met you, I don’t think I ever had a deep, emotional response to candy corn.” She looked up as she searched her memories, appeared to come up with nothing, and shook her head. “Is this just one of those things that ponies are talking about right now because they have nothing better to talk about? Like that dress that was different colors in different light?”
“I don’t want to talk about it at all anymore.”
“Candy corn or the dress?”
“Neither, but especially candy corn. I need a distraction. Distract me.”
Lyra looked at the decorations in front of the house they were passing and stopped. “How about pumpkins?” She pointed at a display of gourds. “Why are some of those pumpkins white? Shouldn’t all pumpkins be orange?”
Bon Bon stopped alongside her. “I think they’re just bred to look that way,” she said. “One pumpkin comes out white by accident, then ponies try to get more to do it because it’s interesting.”
“What if those are ghost pumpkins?”
“Ghost pumpkins?”
“Dead pumpkins that can’t rest until they’ve accomplished some unfinished business. Are they haunting that house?”
“They look pretty physical and solid to me. Also, all of those pumpkins are dead. They were cut off at the stem – they won’t be growing anymore.”
Lyra picked up the stem of one of the white pumpkins in her magic and levitated it toward them. Gently bobbing it in front of her wife’s face, she said in a spooky voice, “Aveeeenge me, Bon Bonnnnn.”
Bon Bon looked at the pumpkin. “What, were you hoping to be turned into a pie but instead you became pumpkin soup?”
“Noooooo – that’s my broooother. You have to avenge aaalllll of us. By putting a stop to all the products advertised as ‘pumpkin spice’ that only use the spices and don’t contain any actual puuumpkiiiiiin.”
Bon Bon smiled. “Would that I could,” she said. “I think it’s a lost cause at this point.”
“Then we’ll be doomed to haunt this realm foreeeeeverrrrr.” The pumpkin slowly levitated back to its place in front of the house. “Foreeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrr…”
Lyra turned her attention from the decorations to Bon Bon.
“See? I was right. Ghost pumpkins.”
“I guess I can’t argue with evidence like that.”
“Better than zombie pumpkins,” Lyra said as the two resumed the walk toward their house. “Just imagine – hundreds of pumpkins, slowly rolling down the streets, constantly craving seeeeeeeeeds…”
“Wait, though – all of those pumpkins are dead. What if they’re already zombie pumpkins?”
Lyra stopped walking. “Stars above, you’re right. We have to warn the princess!”
Bon Bon pointed at the gray earth pony walking in the other direction along the same street. “A good plan, but first, let’s say hi to Octavia.” She waved. “Hi, Octavia!”
“Hi, Octavia!” Lyra said as the cellist made her way over to where they were. “Happy two days before Nightmare Night!”
“A happy… that… to you, too,” Octavia said.
“Will we see you at the festival?” Bon Bon asked. “Will you and Vinyl be dressing up again this year?”
A scowl appeared on Octavia’s face. “Vinyl – hmph,” she snorted. “I’ll have you know that Vinyl isn’t speaking to me right now.”
Lyra and Bon Bon simply looked at each other.
“Can you believe that mare actually likes the taste of candy corn? I know her palate isn’t particularly refined, but to enjoy those waxy, sickeningly sweet, misshapen clumps of dust?” She scoffed. “And then, when I tried to explain her lack of sound judgment to her, she took offense!”
“Did you explain it using those words?” Lyra said.
“How do you do it?” Octavia asked Bon Bon. “Certainly a gourmet confectioner can understand why candy corn is the worst food – no, it doesn’t even deserve to be called food – ever created. How do you get other ponies to see reason?”
“I… try to understand that different ponies have different tastes, and that which flavors and textures they like doesn’t really matter?”
Octavia regarded her with pity. “I’m disappointed to hear you’ve given up the fight,” she said. “But don’t worry – I won’t rest until Vinyl acknowledges the error of her ways. If each of us discerning ponies can get one other pony to see reason, we can stomp out the tricolored menace for good!”
Octavia marched off with a renewed energy that she hadn’t had when she approached. Lyra turned to Bon Bon.
“Okay, I’m starting to wonder,” she said. “Are we in the minority for not loving or hating candy corn? For being reasonable about it?” She gasped. “Am I becoming… normal?”
“By Ponyville standards or by Equestria standards?”
Lyra’s theatrically dismayed expression was replaced by genuine worry. “You don’t think this is going on nationwide, do you?”
“I hope not. The last thing I need is ponies talking to me about candy corn no matter—”
“Mrs. Bon Bon!” called out an adolescent pegasus with a medium gray coat and light metallic blue mane. He eagerly ran over to the couple.
“Yes?” Bon Bon said, weariness evident in her voice. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”
“Chipcutter,” he said. “I live on the other side of town. “I was looking for you ’cause there’s something I thought you’d like to know, seeing as you’re one of the good ponies who loves candy corn.”
“Why would you—”
“And I know you’re okay,” he said, looking at Lyra. “Anypony married to a candymaker must love candy corn, too.”
Lyra managed an “Um…” before he continued.
“A bunch of us are gathering over at Sunshower’s house in a couple hours to plan what we’re going to do.” His voice got quieter. “We know there are ponies out there who are under some kind of delusion that candy corn is bad. But we won’t let them ruin things for us. We’re going to figure out how to show everypony in Ponyville how to love candy corn… or else.”
“Or else?” Bon Bon repeated.
“That’s part of what we’re going to figure out. I heard that there are even some ponies that not only don’t like candy corn, they don’t want anypony else to have any. Those ponies need to be shown how wrong they are.”
“Don’t you think—”
“Anyway, I need to go find more allies. Do you know where Sunshower lives?”
“No, but—”
“On the north side of Riverbank Lane, second house from the intersection. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
Before either mare could say anything else, he galloped off.
The two stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, processing what they had just heard.
Finally, Bon Bon said the only thing she could articulate. “I do not like what’s happening here. At all.”
Lyra tried to manage a smile. “Well… at least ponies aren’t asking you about candy corn anymore. Now they’re just assuming they know how you feel about it.”
Bon Bon dropped her head and moaned. “That isn’t better.”
They continued on their way. Every time Bon Bon saw another pony, her head involuntarily twitched while she deliberately avoided eye contact. It wasn’t long before Lyra noticed.
“Do you want me to tackle anypony who tries to talk to you?” she said.
“Yes, but don’t actually do it.”
Lyra lowered her voice so only Bon Bon could hear. “Did you learn any stealth tactics at your old job that you could use here?”
Bon Bon lowered her voice as well. “I wasn’t a ninja. We hunted nonsapient monsters – stealth wasn’t important. If we had to be hidden, we’d wait for the monster to come to us. The stealthiest thing we ever did was try to mask our scent. Oh, and one time, Healing Hooves couldn’t come on a mission because it turned out his mane and tail reflected ultraviolet light.”
Bon Bon looked at Lyra, who was looking back at her.
“You’re imagining me as a ninja right now, aren’t you?”
“You’d make a good ninja,” Lyra said. “The mystery of who was underneath the outfit, the reveal that the mare with those powerful yet graceful legs was also stunningly beautiful…”
“Wouldn’t the hood mess up my mane?”
“That would just make you more attractive.”
They turned the corner onto their street. Bon Bon was relieved to see that no one was standing outside waiting for her. Then she noticed the folded piece of paper taped to their front door.
“Oh, this cannot be good,” she said.
When they reached their house, Lyra levitated the paper off of the door, unfolded it, and held it up for both of them to read.
Bon Bon,
Join us outside Quills and Sofas at 3:30. We’re going to make those delusional candy corn lovers understand how wrong they are once and for all.
—D
Bon Bon looked at Lyra. “They’re planning on doing something rash.”
Lyra nodded. “And if they do and we’re not there with them, then they’re going to come here and do something rash to us.”
Bon Bon sighed. “So we have to go there and try to talk them down.”
“Right.”
“I don’t like that we’re right.”
“Neither do I.”
They looked at the note again.
“Wait a minute… is he trying to be anonymous?” Bon Bon said.
“I… think so,” Lyra said. “He is really not good at it.”
“I mean, he wrote it on the back of official Quills and Sofas stationery.” She nudged the piece of paper so that Lyra would flip it over. “His name and contact information are printed right there.”
The couple spent the intervening time eating lunch, listening to records, and reading books that they knew made no mention of candy whatsoever. Shortly before 3:30, they got ready to go while they tried to remember a time when ponies were capable of having a conversation that didn’t include a discussion of candy corn. They agreed that they missed those days.
As soon as they left their house to begin their walk to Quills and Sofas, an earth pony mare with an orange mane called out from up the street. “Bon Bon!”
Bon Bon stopped and moaned quietly enough that only Lyra could hear. Lyra gently rubbed her back. Bon Bon waited for the mare to walk over, then said, “Yes, Golden?”
“So you know how candy corn is the worst candy ever?”
With false cheer, she responded, “That’s what I’ve heard.”
“I figured out the solution! You just have to create a new candy based on a different vegetable to replace it! Or rather, you just have to make it, because I came up with a new candy idea! Instead of candy corn, we can celebrate the season with candy yams!”
Bon Bon looked at her with a slightly confused expression. “Candied yams already exist,” she said. “And ponies already make them around this time of year.”
“I’m not talking about sweet potatoes,” Golden Harvest said. “Real yams. But like a candy version. But not a sickeningly sweet version like candy corn is. There’d be contrasting flavors. I’ll explain.
“Okay, you know how yams have a really rough skin? So instead of a rough brown skin, the candy version would have a sturdy chocolate shell. And then inside, instead of the yam’s starchy white flesh, there’d be something sweet and white, like coconut or marshmallow. It would all be shaped like a smaller version of a yam.”
Bon Bon was silent for a moment.
“Golden,” she said, “you just described a candy bar.”
“No, I…” She stopped and thought for a moment. “Oh.” She thought for another moment. “Well, shucks.” She scuffed the ground with her hoof. “And here I thought I’d be able to earn some extra money from royalties. Um… thanks anyway!”
She continued on her way, turning the corner in the other direction.
Bon Bon turned to Lyra as the two resumed walking. “And that’s why I only take ideas from you.”
“Because I won’t ask you for a cut of the profits?”
“Because you don’t pitch me things that have already been invented. See? You’re better at candy than you give yourself credit for.”
As the two made their way through Ponyville, they noticed that the streets were unusually empty. They would pass the occasional pony, but there weren’t as many as the couple would normally see out and about on any given afternoon.
As they turned one corner, they saw Junebug, who tried to wave them over. Knowing what she was likely going to talk about, they pretended to not see her and kept walking. But once she started trotting toward them, they had to stop.
“Can I ask you something?” the earth pony said as she approached.
“We kind of have to be somewhere right now,” Bon Bon said apologetically. She leaned forward to indicate that she wanted to continue moving. “Can it wait until another time? Preferably after Nightmare Night?”
“This’ll be quick,” Junebug said, taking a step sideways to block their path. “It’s about candy.”
A grimace appeared on Bon Bon’s face. Lyra did a better job suppressing hers.
“Are you going to be making any more maple fudge soon?” she said.
Bon Bon’s eyes briefly went wide. She exhaled. With undisguised relief in her voice, she said, “I wasn’t planning on it, but if there’s enough demand, I’d be happy to.” For the first time since leaving the house, she truly smiled. “You liked it that much?”
“Oh, it was delicious! Almost as good as candy corn!”
Bon Bon let out half of a swear word before catching herself. Junebug ignored her response.
“But I can’t find candy corn anywhere this year! Unless you’ve started making it…?”
“No,” Bon Bon said. “No candy corn from me, sorry. But I’ll take maple fudge into consideration.” She looked around, trying to find a clock. “Sorry to talk and run, but…”
She stepped around Junebug and resumed walking. Lyra followed her. “Oh, no problem!” Junebug said. “Bye!”
“Bye, Junebug!” Lyra said.
Once they were out of her earshot, Bon Bon muttered, “I’m starting to see why some ponies want candy corn eliminated from the face of Equestria.”
Lyra briefly brushed up against Bon Bon’s side to offer her figurative support. “This’ll pass,” she said.
“And now I think it’s after 3:30,” Bon Bon said. “We need to get moving.”
Their path to Quills and Sofas took them through the town square. When they entered, they noticed that it also was strangely devoid of ponies. Both mares briefly looked at one another, but neither said anything.
As they passed by the town hall, they began to sense an unsettling rumble in the ground. Bon Bon stopped to see whether there was any immediate danger, as did Lyra. After a couple of seconds, they heard an unusually high volume of hoofsteps in the distance. They turned their heads toward that direction.
Slowly making their way into the open area of the town square were dozens upon dozens of ponies. It wasn’t quite half the town’s population – closer to a third. They moved as one, with a steady, determined purpose. Sunshower marched at the front.
“Is that… a mob?” Bon Bon asked.
“Ponyville doesn’t do mobs,” Lyra said. She thought for a moment. “Anymore.”
“Some of them are literally holding pitchforks and torches.”
The two then realized that more noise was coming from another direction – another steady thrum of hoofsteps, seemingly just as loud. Soon, an equally large number of ponies, led by Davenport, began filing into the other side of the town square.
Lyra stepped closer to Bon Bon. Looking at both crowds, she nervously said, “We don’t own a pitchfork or a torch. Are those things we’re supposed to have?” She tried to chuckle. She didn’t really succeed.
Davenport and the ponies behind him stopped. “Candy corn lovers of Ponyville!” he announced. “Reject those horrible triangular pieces of garbage or we will do it for you!”
Sunshower and the ponies behind her had also stopped. “Haters of all things good in the world!” she said. “Embrace the delicious perfection of candy corn or face the consequences!”
“Never! We knew all about your plans to march on the town this afternoon to try and overtake us. We had a spy!” He indicated a nearby stallion with a cutie mark of four-leaf clovers.
“I had to do horrible things,” the stallion said. “I had to… pretend to like candy corn!” He broke down sobbing. Some of the ponies nearby tried to comfort him.
Sunshower said, “You can’t stop us! Every sane pony knows that candy corn is the best!”
“Don’t you understand how wrong you are?” Davenport said. He motioned toward the two ponies standing in front of town hall. “Even Ponyville’s candymaker is on our side – she knows candy corn is terrible!”
Panicked, Bon Bon yelled, “I never said that!”
“What?”
He looked at her for a few long seconds.
“Are you saying you’re on their side?”
“We aren’t on anypony’s side!”
There was a deafening silence.
Bon Bon and Lyra could suddenly feel the many, many eyes of two angry mobs of ponies squarely on them.
Sunshower said, “That’s impossible! Do you two like candy corn or not?”
Bon Bon swallowed. Attempting to keep her voice from cracking or wavering, she said, “It’s all right. There are other candies I’d rather eat. And make. I can see why some ponies might like it. Or dislike it.”
Lyra said, “I’ll eat it if it’s there, and I’ll enjoy it, but I’m married to a brilliant confectioner. There are a lot of other candies I like better.”
Both Sunshower and Davenport took a step toward the couple. The crowds behind them followed.
Apprehensively, Lyra said, “What are you doing?”
Sunshower was eerily calm, considering the anger behind her words. “At least with those soulless joy haters,” she said, pointing at the other crowd, “I know where they stand. How are we supposed to trust anything you say if you can’t even make a decision about something as obvious as candy corn?”
Davenport said, “For all we know, you were just trying to lull us into a false sense of security so you could go make candy corn behind our backs!”
From behind him, a member of the crowd yelled, “She’s a candy pony! She won’t be able to help herself!”
Sunshower said, “And now that I think about it, you have been depriving us of candy corn, haven’t you? Saying that you can’t make it.” She stomped a hoof into the ground. “Or is it that you won’t make it? What if that was your plan this entire time?”
Davenport said, “We can’t have you getting in the way if we don’t know which side you’re on.”
Both sides started slowly advancing on Bon Bon and Lyra. With town hall at their backs, the two mares turned around and began walking backward toward the other end of town square, keeping their eyes on the ponies flanking them from both directions.
Bon Bon said to her wife, “This is what they agree on?”
Sarcastically, Lyra said, “We momentarily prevented them from attacking each other, yay.”
The couple got near the fountain in the middle of town square and had to walk backward around it. The crowds continued to follow – not moving any faster than the two, but keeping pace like cats stalking their prey. The opposing forces began to slowly close in on the sides, eliminating any obvious routes to safety.
As she continued to move backward, Bon Bon looked around. She said to Lyra, “If you could get to your lyre, is there any song that would calm them down?”
Lyra shook her head. “The only song for this situation would be ‘Thrill Her,’ and that would just give them a soundtrack while they attack us.”
Both mares’ tails pressed up against the side of a building. And the mobs had spread out to cover both corners of the building. There was nowhere to go.
Bon Bon and Lyra simultaneously tried to stand in front of the other as a shield. The uncoordinated movement knocked both of them down into a sitting position next to each other. The crowds grew closer.
Seeing no way to escape, the couple embraced, each closing her eyes and burying her face next to the other’s mane.
Lyra yelled, “I’m sorry I sometimes kick in my sleep!”
Bon Bon yelled, “I’m sorry I’m always asking you to open new jars of peanut butter for me!”
The mobs stopped.
After a couple of moments, both mares opened their eyes. They slowly turned their heads to look out toward all of the other ponies.
All of the other ponies stared back.
“Yeah!” Davenport shouted. “Those glass jars are the worst! No earth pony can open them!” All of the earth ponies from both crowds shouted their agreement.
Sunshower said, “Neither can any pegasus! Why do companies put their food in containers that can only be opened by unicorns? It’s like the rest of us don’t even exist!” All of the pegasi joined the earth ponies in the consensus.
From the crowd, a unicorn shouted, “We hate it, too! I’m sick of my friends asking me to open jars for them! Why do I have to open your pickle jar for you? I don’t even like pickles!” All of the unicorns agreed.
Lyra used the opportunity to stand up and address both mobs. “See? Even though some of you like candy corn and some of you don’t, you all still have things in common. We can’t forget that we’re all ponies, and we can all get along even though there are little things we might disagree about!”
There was silence as all of the ponies considered her words.
Then a new voice shouted, “We don’t disagree about jars!”
Another pony said, “Yeah – down with jars!”
And a third: “Hey – the Bitsburgh Glassworks jar plant is just a 40-minute train ride from here!”
“Let’s show them how we really feel!”
All of the ponies from both mobs took up their weapons, turned around, and began making their way toward the train station.
Lyra didn’t move. Bon Bon got up, stood directly next to Lyra, and held her hoof.
Both mares watched all of the others march away.
Eventually, they were alone in the square.
Lyra turned to Bon Bon. “Should we be worried about them coming back for us tonight?”
“Hopefully they’ll get it all out of their system in Bitsburgh,” Bon Bon said. “Or maybe they’ll all get arrested there.”
“And after that?”
“And then Nightmare Night will be over, and if we’re lucky, everypony will move on to the next stupid thing.”
Lyra exhaled through her nose while shaking her head. “This town.”
“This town,” Bon Bon agreed. “So… I guess we just go home.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
They slowly began to walk back to their house.
Lyra said, “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. You’re the one I’m worried about – they were focused on you.”
“Well, maybe if you’re lucky, the next mob will focus on you.”
Lyra chuckled. “Seriously though, do you want me to not ask you about candy for a while?”
“No – I still like candy. I want to get back to the kitchen and keep making candy.” She paused for a moment. “But you probably shouldn’t mention candy corn to me again until next autumn.”
Lyra looked at her. “You sure you’re going to be okay?”
“Yeah,” Bon Bon said. “Truthfully, I just want to put all of this behind me and get back to work. I’m getting really close to figuring out how to make a jelly bean that tastes like buttered popcorn.”
