A Confusing Convention

by No One and Nobody

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Comedy, Random, Discord, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 4854

You've come so far, you made it to the hotel, the con's about to start. Now you just have to figure out how to get into the... convention?

You know that feeling; A new town, a new convention. Are you in the right place?
What if the answer to that was a solid, resounding - "I don't know..."
The simple fact is everyone else seems to know what they're doing, and where they are going, except you!
Is this normal?

Now has an audio reading by No One and Nobody

Published 2022-11-14 19:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-11-14 19:50:00 UTC

Uh... How Does One Get To The Convention?

*FWUMP!*

"What have I told you about slamming the door?"

"Sorry Mom."

"Wait for us by the elevator once you get signed in, OK hon," says the driver bending down to look out the passenger's side window, "Looks like there's plenty of spots on the left side so I should be unpacked and in before you're done."

"Don't count on it," she replies, "Looks like we got here before everyone else, check in should be a breeze."

With that, the minivan pulls out of the off-loading zone and the mother and her son head into the modest Regal Suites.

The Regal Suites is a smallish, comfortable feeling semi-grand hotel, with clean green carpeting, a medium height ceiling and reception area that is quiet and normal-looking. The front desk is situated in the center rear of the foyer, two hallways of hotel rooms extending behind on either side and a corridor on the right, most likely leading to an escape exit. An older gentleman is sitting on one of the couches reading a magazine while elevator music plays and the young man at the front desk seems decidedly bored.

There are no signs this is the hotel that's hosting Equestrian Convergence, a local My Little Pony convention that has popped up this year out of nowhere. No signs, posters or people wearing pony-themed apparel and the hotel doesn't even seem to have meeting rooms for panels. The young woman begins to worry that they might have come to the wrong hotel.

Gulping, she approaches the front desk with a smile and says, "Hello, I believe we have a reservation under Dursley."

The receptionist checks his computer for a few seconds before asking, "Could you spell that?"

"Dursley, D-U-R-S-L-E-Y."

A few seconds later, "I'm sorry, we don't have a reservation under Dursley. Did you make your reservation online?"

"Yes, we reserved them online through the con website-" she starts to say before the receptionist interrupts her in a disinterested tone.

"You're here for that uh-convergence-convention thing? Yeah, use the side door."

"I'm sorry?"

"The side door," he says, pointing to his left down the hallway to a set of automatic doors, "That's all they told me. Use the side door."

Trying to act more confident than she feels, the young woman leads her son down the hallway, past a slightly lopsided painting of a ship at sea, and some imitation flowers on the table underneath it.

They exit the hotel and, looking around, she spots a young man sitting in a lawn chair by a sign that proudly proclaims, "Welcome to Equestrian Convergence".

Still worried, she walks over and gets the young man's attention.

"Hello, can I help you?" He says, standing up and smiling.

"I'm confused," says the lady. Her son's attention is briefly fixated on the sign, but when he realizes his mother is just asking for help, he checks out, "The hotel reservation said it was for Regal Suites, but the man at the front desk said he didn't have any reservation in our name."

"Ah," says the young man, nodding, "Yeah, we managed to find one of the few hotels in this town that shares the name as the con hotel so people won't get lost. Don't worry; you're in the right place. You want to use the side door and talk to the guy at the mane desk to check in."

"We just came from the front desk and when he learned we were here for Equestrian Convergence he told us to use the side door, but where do we go now?" She asks, giving her son a brief tug of the arm to reign him back in.

"Yep, the side door's right there," replies the young man, nodding towards the hotel, "You want to go in and see the guy at the mane desk. You can't miss him."

"I said we just talked to him and he couldn't find our reservations."

"Right, not for THAT hotel," he waves his hand dismissively towards the front of the building and then points back to the side door they had just exited, "You want this one."

"What do you mean?" she asks, a confused expression on her face. Her son has begun to realize something weird is happening and is listening now. "You mean this IS the right hotel." She points back the way she had just came from.

"Yep, this here is the Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites, the other one's the regular Regal Suites. Just head in and see the guy at the mane desk." He continues pointing towards the side door.

"But we just came from there-"

He cuts her off with an odd grin, "No, you just came from THERE," he points to the front of the hotel, "I'm telling you to go to the mane desk of THIS hotel and check in."

The side door opens and two guys both wearing pony shirts walk out, talking to each other.

"Excuse me," says the mother, trying to get their attention, "Could you tell me how I check in to the hotel for Equestrian Convergence?"

The closer man turns and points to the side door, "Yeah, just head in and talk to the guy at the mane desk. They'll get you fixed up in no time. The service here is OUT OF THIS WORLD!"

The first guy winks at the second who snickers as though at some inside joke, and then turns back to the woman, grinning.

"We just talked to the guy at the front desk," continues the woman, starting to get worried that she's losing her mind, "And he told us he didn't have any rooms reserved in our name."

Turning to look at the guy with the sign, the closer man says, "Did she use the front door or the side door?"

"Front," he answers.

"Why does everyone keep telling me to use this door?!" The woman asks, starting to sound frustrated. Her sons mouth is wide open as he stands there, his eyes darting back and forth.

"Because, this door leads to the con hotel, and the other one leads to the normal hotel," replies the second man, pointing towards the front and side of the hotel respectively.

"But there is only one hotel here on Google Maps," says the lady, pulling out her phone.

"The con hotel isn't on Google," says the first man, "They just got done setting it up a few hours ago. Head in through the side door, go to the mane desk-"

"But we just came OUT that door!"

"Yeah, wrong way. You want to go the OTHER WAY to get where you're going," says the closer man pointing back to the side door, "Enter through the side door, go to the mane desk of THIS hotel and ask about your reser-"

"Alright, fine!" she interrupts, "How do I get to this 'main desk'?"

All three men point towards the side door and say in unison, "Use the side door, head straight down the hallway, and the mane desk will be on your right. You can't miss it."

"But I just came from there," says the woman, slowly, trying to annunciate, "And the MAN. at the FRONT DESK. told ME. they DON'T. have. our RES-SER-VA-TIONS."

"That's because that's the wrong hotel," says the first man, as they all point towards the front of the hotel, "THIS is the con hotel." They point to the side door.

"IT'S ALL! ONE! HOTEL!" She yells, gesturing wildly.

"No, that's the REGULAR hotel," says the closer man, and they all point towards the front of the hotel, "The con is in a completely different one."

Just then, Gabriel Brown and Claire Corlette walk out of the side door and start heading towards the group. When the woman spots them, she throws her hands up in the air, turns around and starts heading for the front of the hotel, "Fine, I'll go talk with the man at the front desk again!"

"Ma'am," says the first man, pointing towards the nearest door, "You're going the wrong way, the side door's over here."

Giving the men a scowl, she turns and huffs through the side door into the hallway beyond as Gabe walks up to the group and inquires about the Equestrian Convergence hotel.

"Ah yes, head through the side door and talk to the guy at the mane desk about your reservations..."

As the woman storms into the hallway, her shoes slapping loudly on the marble floor, she fails to notice the change in scenery or the ever so slight change in décor. Her son however gawks wide-eyed at the large, ornate portraits of Celestia and Luna hanging on one of the walls as he's dragged down the hallway.

"Mom?"

"Not now!" Growls his mother as she continues down the hallway, oblivious to the slightly grander scale of the hotel since she last left. She even fails to notice the freshly cut flowers and calming fragrance permeating the hallway.

"But-"

"Not. Right. Now!"

With that, she turns the corner to see what looks like the exact same front desk she had just left, though the person who helped her before is no where to be seen. 'Figures!' she says to herself, fuming.

Her son, his eyes nearly popping out of his sockets and mouth wide open, doesn't say a thing as he stares out the front windows of the hotel as his mother approaches the front desk.

Angrily, she taps the bell to get some service and hears a quick, "One moment," from the room behind the desk.

A few seconds later a small, cheerful, furry face trots out of the room, places both hooves on the desk, gives her a friendly smile and says, "How may I help you?"

The woman's mouth falls open as she stares blankly at the new smaller, friendlier, pony-er desk manager, then her son finally manages to get her attention and points her towards the front of the hotel.

She turns, her mouth still open and eyes wide as she looks out the front windows to see thatched houses, gently flowing grass, flowers, and bright-colored, friendly equines frolicking and conversing with Bronies of all ages.

"I tried to tell you," says her son.

Meanwhile, Gabe was trying to wrap his head around the fact that apparently the hotel he had just left was the wrong hotel, and he needed to use the side door to that hotel to get to the right hotel.

"So that door leads to the normal hotel," he points to the front of the hotel, "And that door leads to the con hotel?" He points to the side door.

"Yes."

"Even though, we just came from the front desk of that hotel, via the same door."

"Yes, but that's because you were exiting."

Gabe and Claire give the guy a strange look. Just then the side door opens and a man, pushing a luggage trolley, walks out.

"Excuse me, did you all see my wife come this way?" He says, noticing the three bronies standing there in silence, "I think she already got us checked in."

"Did she have a little boy with her?" asks the guy.

"Yeah."

"She'll probably be waiting by the mane desk for you."

"OK, thanks." With that the man turns the trolley around and heads back into the hotel, muttering, "Must have just missed her."

Suddenly, as Claire watches him go, something clicks, "Oooh, I think I get it. The hallway splits once you go through the side door, and you want us to go straight instead of bearing left."

Gabe gives her a quick look of gratitude before going back to confusion as the man continues, "No, there's only one hallway. You can't go down both hallways. If you're attending the convention use the side door and don't worry about the other hallway."

"You just said there weren't two hallways," says Gabe. Both he and Claire look very confused.

"Well, technically there are two," he continues, gesticulating with his hands, "But there's only one depending on which way you're going."

"So they're one-way hallways?" Asks Gabe with a confused grin on his face.

"Only for the Equestrian Convergence hotel. For everyone else, that hallway goes both directions."

"How do we... know... which direction we're going?" Asks Claire, slowly figuring out her own question as she asks it.

"I told you, if you're here for the convention, you don't have to worry about that. Just use the side door."

"But how can a hallway go one direction for some people and two directions for others?" asked Gabe.

"Because the side door's at one end. The con hotel's hallway goes both directions for us as well."

"I thought you said the hallway was one-way for us," cuts in Gabe.

"No, the regular hotel's hallway is one-way for us. The con hotel is both ways."

"Is the con hotel both ways for people who aren't attending the convention?" Asks Claire.

"Nope, non-attendees don't use that hallway."

"They are if they're using the side door though, right?" She continues.

"Not if they're not attending the convention. It's a different hotel for us."

Claire's eyes are spinning as she tries to wrap her head around the situation, but (judging by his grin) Gabe's brain seems to be wrestling its way too some kind of conclusion.

"So it's two different hallways because it's two different hotels?"

"Yes."

"But it's the same door?"

"Correct."

"But how can a door go two different places for different people?"

The man grins widely at them and simply responds with, "Wardrobe" as it dawns on Gabe.

"Oooooh!" he says and races through the side door dragging his wife after him, still wearing her confused look.

After Gabe heads in, the doors open again and out walks ACRacebest and his wife. Race seems as full of energy as always, and walks up to the guy by the sign beaming a hearty, "Morning fellow brony, which way to the con?"

The guy grins back and gestures with his thumb to the side door, "Check-in's at the mane desk, down the hall on the right."

"We talked to that guy and he told us we didn't have any reservations for the hotel, but when we told him we were here for EqC, he told us to use the side door." Race's wife is staring at the side door while they talk.

"Right, so head in and talk to the guy at the mane desk. He'll fix you right up."

"We just talked to him," says Race, sounding a little confused.

"No, you just talked to HIM," says the other guy, pointing towards the front of the hotel, "If you registered through us, they won't have reservations for THAT hotel."

"OK, then how do we get to the con hotel?" asks Race, somewhat confused.

"Side door," he responds, pointing to the side door.

"But we just came out of there."

"No, you just came out of THERE," he points to the front of the hotel.

Race's wife is looking from the man to the side door and back again an equally confused expression on her face.

"You want THIS hotel," he points to the side door.

"What do you mean?" asks Race, thoroughly confused at this point.

"You see that hotel over there?" asks the man, pointing to the front of the hotel.

"You mean this one?" Race points towards the side door.

"No, this is the con hotel," responds the guy pointing back towards the front of the hotel, "I mean that one. Regal Suites."

"This IS Regal Suites," says Race, pointing towards the side door.

"No, this is the Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites."

"What's the difference?" Asks Race, squinting at the guy.

"This is the hotel where we're having the convention. We don't care what they're doing at the other hotel."

"So, you've split the hotel into two parts?" Asks Race.

"No, they're different hotels. That's the normal Regal Suites, and this is the Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites."

Race is comically confused at this point, and is about ready to give up, "Ok, then how do we sign in for our rooms?"

"Mane desk. Side door, down the hallway, on your right."

As Race stares at the guy, PaleoSteno walks out the side door and, seeing Race, heads towards them.

"Hey there Race," he says, "You know where registration is?"

"Mane desk," says the guy, pointing towards the side door.

"I just came from there," replies Paleo.

"No, you came from THERE," he says, pointing to the front of the hotel.

"I exited through those doors," says Paleo slowly, pointing back towards the sliding side door and squinting at the guy.

"Yes, you exited THERE, from THERE. But in order to get where you're going you need to use the side door." The guy executes an elaborate series of alternating pointers.

"OK, how do we get 'there'?" asks Paleo, with a confused expression as Race looks back and forth between them wearing an expression bordering on consternation and hilarity while his wife stares at all three.

"You go through the side door, down the hallway, and it will be on your right."

"You mean the front desk?" Says Paleo, pointing.

"No, that's the mane desk," replies the guy, "The front desk is over there, through the front doors."

"But you can get there through these doors."

"Not if you're attending the convention."

"But it's the side door to Regal Suites."

"You here for Equestrian Convergence?"

"Yes."

"Then it's the mane door to the Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites."

"But it's the same hotel," says Paleo.

"No it's not," replies Race and the guy together, shaking their heads.

"And I don't know why," Race continues, helplessly chuckling.

"So... do I need to tell the guy at the desk I used the side door?" Asks Paleo.

"No. If you use the side door, he'll know you used the right door because he's talking to you."

"But I WAS just talking to him."

"No, you were talking with HIM." The guy points to the front of the hotel.

At this point, Race's wife interrupts, "Hold it! If we use the side door, we can check in. No problems, right?"

"Right."

"Okay then, let's go honey." With that, they head back towards the side door, with Paleo trailing behind.

Just as they pass through the doorway, Elley Ray appears, a surprised look on her face as she calls out, "Racebest is that you?"

Looking around she see's the young man standing by the lawn chair and walks up to him.

"Sorry, you just missed them," he says to her, "They went to check in. If you follow, you might be able to catch up."

"Oh, thank you," says Elley and darts back into the hotel.

About a minute later, all four of them run back out the side door, look up and down the hotel parking lot with gobsmacked looks on their faces and run back inside.

The guy standing by the sign watches them go with a shrug and a confused shake of his head.

A little while later, a large, intimidating fellow decked from head to toe in Sunset Shimmer, walks out and over to the guy by the sign, with a confused look on his face.

"Hey, uh... where's the con?" He asks with a confused chuckle, motioning with his hands towards the empty parking lot.

"Right through those doors."

The man gives him a suspicious squinting look, "Are you pullin' my leg?"

"No sir."

The man looks at the side door and then back at the guide, "But if it's in there, why are YOU out HERE?"

"Just helping everyone find their way. The Con Chair's secondary put me out here, because they thought it might be a little confusing and he said I'm really good at explaining things."

"Alright... So how do I get to the convention?"

"Side door is right there. Head in and see the guy at the mane desk for registration," says the guy, once again giving the man a friendly smile.

"Riiighhhhht," says the man, his stare intensifying on the oblivious guide, "So the con's happening in THIS hotel?"

"Eeyup."

"The one behind me?"

"Uh-huh."

"The one I just left, where the guy at the front desk said they AREN'T having a convention?"

"Oh no. Not that one, the other one."

The man spins around and does a double take of the hotel structure.

"What 'other' one?"

"This one right here," the guide points to the side door.

"I JUST CAME OUT OF THERE!" yells the man, pointing.

"No, you came out of THERE," the guide points towards the front door.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"Uh, no sir, you said you came out of THAT hotel," he points to the side door.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" says the man, shaking his hands at the young guide.

"I'm just trying to explain it to you."

"Okay-okay. After I finished talking with the guy at the front desk-" the guy points back towards the side door.

"Uh sir, that's the wrong-"

"Let me finish! When I was done talking to him and came out here. What do I do now?"

"Go check in with the guy at the mane desk."

"The guy I just talked to?"

"No, the guy in THIS hotel."

"You mean this hotel right here?" He points back to the hotel in general.

"No sir, the other one-"

"Would you shut up about the other one!" Yells the man. He points towards the side door and then shakes his fist under the young man's nose, "I don't care about THIS hotel, I want to know where the CONVENTION hotel is."

"That is the convention hotel."

The clenched fist shifts to a thumb pointing back towards the Regal Suites sign, "This IS the right hotel?"

"Not that one sir, the other-"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE OTHER HOTEL!"

Just then a group of about eight people exit through the side door, arguing about where to get lunch.

"Hey, hey you guys. Can you help me? How do I get to registration?"

The group of men and women stop and give each other knowing looks before one of them speaks up, "For badges or hotel rooms? Because pre-reg line shouldn't be starting until 6. Speaking of which, hey!"

The guide by the lawn chair looks over at them.

"When pre-reg badge pickup starts, do we know which way the overflow line is going?"

"Probably out the front door," replies the guide, "That way we don't clog up the parking lot."

"The front door of this hotel?" Says the large man, pointing at the Regal Suites sign.

"No man, the other hotel," says the guy in the group, grinning.

The large man has a helpless look on his face as he stares at them in confusion. "Is the convention happening here or not?"

"Of course its happening man, but not here. The con hotel is elsewhere."

"Where is it?"

"Can't tell you that. It's a surprise..."

With that the group continues down the street towards the IHOP, someone loudly proclaiming, "I'm pancake! I mean- awake."

The man turns back to the guide, a scared look on his face.

"Don't worry about them," says the guide, "They were just joking with you. The convention hotel's right through the side door. You saw them leaving."

The man breathes a relieved but still confused sigh of relief, "So the con's happening at this hotel?" He points to the front of Regal Suites.

"No sir, THAT hotel," he points to the side door.

The man traces the direction of the guide's pointing finger towards the side door.

"You mean THIS hotel?" He waves his hand at the whole building.

"No sir... 'THAT' hotel." The guide continues pointing at the side door.

"What are you pointing at?"

"The entrance to the Equestrian Convergence."

The man cups his hands over his face, a vein beginning to bulge on his forehead, and takes several long breathes. Then he looks up, stares the guide straight in the eyes and says, "You're having a convention, right?!"

"Y-yes."

"Equestrian Convergence 2023?"

"We've been planning it for months... Yes."

"And people are actually coming to this convention?"

"I've already showed hundreds how to get to registration."

"Registration for the convention that is taking place within... THIS HOTEL?" The man points back towards the side door.

"Yes... Well not all of it. Some of the locals have volunteered to host panels in their backyard, and I believe they're doing the concert in the park. Personally, I'm looking forward to the Doctor Whooves panel."

The man breathes a sigh of relief, "Alright! Now we're getting somewhere. So some of the convention is happening out here."

"Ah no, it's all happening in there." The guide gestures back to the side door.

"You said it was OUTSIDE!"

"Yeah, but not THIS outside, THAT outside." He continues pointing.

The man's eye is twitching. "What... outside?"

"That one."

"The outside... inside?"

"Exactly. Now you're getting it."

The man extends his hands towards the guide's throat, but then pulls back and clasps them together, white-knuckled.

"One second," he says, turning away from the guide and walking away.

The man walks around to the front of the hotel and disappears behind it. About a minute later, he reappears on the other side, walking back around.

"There is ONE HOTEL," he proclaims loudly as he walks up, "On THIS SPOT!"

"Uh... no sir, there are two. There's the con hotel and the oth-"

"IF YOU SAY 'OTHER HOTEL' ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA WRING YOUR NECK!"

The guide, now realizing that he may be in trouble, stammers a, "I-I'm s-sorry sir, but... I fail to understand what you... fail to understand. But I'm sure, if you just go in, the con chair, or their secondary should be able to straighten everything out."

"Inside? INSIDE?!" Shouts the irate individual, vein throbbing on his flushed forehead, "I'LL SHOW YOU INSIDE!!!"

With that he takes off to the front of the hotel. The guide hears the automatic doors open and then a barely muffled, "I'M INSIDE! I AM INSIDE THE HOTEL!!!"

A few seconds later, the side door opens to the sound of someone yelling, "AND NOW I'M OUTSIDE THE HOTEL!"

The guide looks cautiously around with a deer-in-the-headlights expression and then says timidly, with a slight rotation of his index finger, "Now... go the other way."

"ALRIGHT!"

And with that the man vanishes through the side door.

Meanwhile outside of the Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites, Pinkie is trying to explain to a group of ponies that the main entrance to the Ponyville Regal Suites is actually the side door for now, since the main entrance actually leads to something called Equestrian Convergence, a convention of some sort for something called "Bronies".

"So these Bronies have taken over the hotel?!" Asks one pony, a worried look on their face.

"Oh no, we're just letting them borrow this version so they can share access to Equestria and Earth. You can still use the Ponyville hotel, you just get there through the side door, over there."

"But why can't we stay at THIS hotel?"

"Because silly, they're all full up. My friends and I are all super duper famous and stuff, isn't that great!"

"Then where are we supposed to stay?"

"Well duh, Ponyville Regal Suites of course, right through the side door over there."

"But this IS Ponyville Regal Suites."

"No, it's not, it's Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites. Totally different."

"But THAT'S Regal Suites and THIS is Ponyville," points out another pony.

"Nopey-mopey, THAT'S Regal Suites and while it IS in Ponyville," says Pinkie, pointing a hoof to the side door and then to the front, "THAT'S Equestrian Convergence Regal Suites and IT'S in betweensies."

"This doesn't make any sense," says a cream-colored pony, in a somewhat stuck-up tone.

"I should certainly hope not," says a smooth voice above them and an oddly shaped head lowers, upside-down, in front of them, "After all, Con-chair Twilight did ask for MY help in setting this whole thing up."

"Oh great, I don't see that backfiring in any way," says the cream-colored pony again, not noticing as her hairdo begins to rise up, as though being inflated into a giant mass of curls as Discord looks on, grinning.

"Oh please," says Discord, waving a hand, "As Second in Charge of EqCon, I'm sure the Bronies can handle a LITTLE nonsense here and there. And besides, it's just a friendly little pony convention, what's the worst that could happen?"

Suddenly a large, pony-garbed man dashes out of the hotel lobby, does a flying leap off the patio, lands feet-first in a flower patch, spreads his arms wide and in a loud, angry voice screams, "AND NOW I'M OUT-side?..." before freezing in place with a vacant expression as his eyes pan from left to right.

Discord turns to the Reader, "To think humans will actively pay to experience chaos. Oh, this convention is going to be fun..."