Short Bits and Withers

by Andrew Joshua Talon

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Anthology, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Profanity, Random
Length: 12934

Unfinished ideas and plot bunnies for your amusement and inspiration.

Let's face it: I have way too many ideas and way too little time to write them all. So! I will put all my half baked ideas in short form here, and if it inspires others to write their own takes? All is well!

If it just makes you laugh, cry or think? Also good!

And if it's just 'meh', that's fine too.

Enjoy!

EDIT: Featured already?! Wow! Thanks guys!

Published 2022-11-05 14:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-16 22:23:17 UTC

The Prince - Year 1

Author's Note

The start of this is a crossover with Harry Potter. It's a common trope to have Harry Potter raised by someone else, so in this case...

The Prince - Year 1

It was honestly kind of weird, returning home after spending most of his childhood with his adoptive mother and his loving aunt, big sisters and big brothers. Without them, he'd have had the most miserable life imaginable. But, this was where his parents had come from. He had to learn all about it.

That and, due to his mother, he had been brought up with the idea of certain... Responsibilities being natural to assume. She was a princess, after all, and so he was a prince. And now, he was basically going to be an ambassador for two worlds.

So, thanks to the portal, he did go to Diagon Alley in a city called London. He had met with some friends of his parents-A Mister Rubeus Hagrid was the nicest, and reminded him very much of one of his favorite "big sisters." Though Professor Vector and Sinistra had been very interesting to talk to as well-He was reminded of his more bookish big sister, and he honestly wanted to do her proud in his classwork.

His owl, Hedwig, seemed to gravitate to him and he immediately loved her. He thought his nature loving big sister might like her. And naturally, his farmer big sis would appreciate her for keeping her barn free of vermin.

(Hedwig liked the sound of that).

So it came to pass that he came to the train station, hidden in Kings' Crossing, also in London. He found the entrance to the Platform 9 3/4 easily enough, and slipped in without too much attention being paid to him. He'd gotten good at sneaking around thanks to his festive and fun big sister. His fashion conscious big sister had been upset over the cut of the school uniforms and robes, and had immediately fixed them up properly. Harry could honestly say he was happy she was looking out for him in that department-He didn't even know what girls might over here!

He hoped they liked him.

He made it to a compartment, put his stuff up, and leaned back with a sigh. These seats were comfortable, and his sporty big sister had always insisted he try to grab rest where he could. Honestly, this form was so exhausting-How had his parents done it?

Still, since it was going to be a long train ride... Maybe he should try to get used to it?

He shifted this way and that. He sighed, and gave up.

"Fine," he grumbled. He released his transformation, and settled down for a nap.

Ron Weasley ran into a bushy haired, buck toothed girl while he was wandering the Hogwarts Express. She looked at him intently.

"Hey, have you seen a toad?" She asked.

Ron shook his head, confused.

"What? No, why?"

"A boy named Neville has lost his," she said, "and I'm trying to find it." She looked over at a nearby compartment. It seemed empty, but she hadn't checked it yet. "Maybe in there?"

"Go ahead," Ron said with a shrug. The girl opened the doors, and walked in. Ron had intended to go in after her, get a seat, and then shoo her out... But she stopped short. Ron looked around for a reason why... And soon found it.

He blinked.

"Is... Is that a unicorn with wings?" Ron muttered. There was a small, black unicorn with wings and a jagged horn sleeping on one of the benches. He had a white lightning-bolt shaped scar on his forehead, and a similar marking on his... Bum? His hair swished a bit, as he softly snored.

Ron looked over at the girl.

"Maybe we should find someone to-"

The girl was bright red and covered her mouth.

"So... Cute... An alicorn!" She whispered. "Here!"

"Yeah, but why?" Ron finally asked, a bit annoyed. "Is it a pet?"

"You're only allowed cats, owls and toads for pets," the girl recited, as though she'd memorized the rule book. Ron shook his head.

"I've got a rat though," he said.

"So?! That's still not an alicorn!" Hermione hissed. "Maybe we should get a teacher... Maybe the poor thing is lost?"

"Huh? Uhh... Ohhh..." The alicorn woke up, and yawned loudly. He fluffed up his wings, and looked over at Ron and Hermione.

"Oh hey! I dozed off! Oh, hello! I'm Harry Potter! Are we there yet?"

Ron may have been magical and he may have seen the impossible (for Muggles anyway) every day of his life.

But he still screamed alongside the bushy haired girl when the alicorn spoke.

The alicorn screamed back.

After a minute of this, the alicorn held up his hooves.

"WAIT! WAIT! I'M SORRY! HANG ON!" His horn flashed, and his green eyes glowed, before in an instant there stood a normal looking boy their age with black hair, green eyes, and a scar on his forehead. Along with a horn sticking out of his bangs, and wings sticking out from his back. He grinned nervously.

"Uh, is that better?" The boy asked.

Ron kept screaming.

The Prince - Year 2

Harry frowned. His owl Hedwig hadn't been able to deliver his letters through the portal to Equestria. That was concerning.

This whole second year at Hogwarts was becoming quite concerning, really. Which was saying something after his first.

He had made several friends. Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Lavender Brown, to name a few. He had even had fun! Learning Quidditch had been great! Though he had missed being able to fly on his own wings.

Still, Rainbow Dash ended up loving the game. She was already trying to introduce it to Equestria proper.

But the Philosopher's Stone being hidden here? Behind obstacles it was no trouble for a few first years to get through? That was weird.

Sure, Harry was an alicorn but still!

So this year, after Professor Dumbledore promised it would be safe and everything was fine... A House Elf warned him about bad things and then vanished. Even Aunt Twilight hadn't been able to track him.

Then? A student got petrified.

And now his letters weren't getting through? He had to do something!

He began working on the ritual circle, just as detailed in Starswirl the Bearded's spellbook Twilight had lent him. He wrote down everything he could think of (and some contributions from Hermione and Ron) and put the letter in the center of the circle. He checked that the moon was aligned, and focused his magic into the circle.

"Dracofax!" He called out, and the letter vanished into green flames. He sat back, panting hard.

He hoped Mom got it...

The next morning, Harty sat eating his bacon and eggs with his friends, when he abruptly shifted to alicorn form. His eyes widened as his magical senses went into Overdrive.

"Harry? Are you all right?" Hermione asked.

Ron immediately began to look for cover. He was quite sensible really.

"Umm..." Harry tried.

The main hall doors were huge and hewn of ancient magical wood that was stronger than steel.

In an instant, they were torn asunder by fiery magic, and students screamed and hid under their tables as a brightly burning figure stood in the doorway.

The teachers leapt to their feet as Princess Celestia slowly trotted up, her Mane and tail burning like solar flares. Her eyes lit up in her fury. The very stone she walked on melted underneath her hooves.

"HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE," Celestia stated in the Royal Equestrian Voice, calm but still booming like thunder, "I WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH YOU."

Harry groaned. Well, now he knew it had worked...

Author's Note

Because however you might compare Celestia and Dumbledore? Celestia wins.

Other Senseis - Surprise

Author's Note

This is an excerpt from a Naruto series I worked on. Basically, Kishimoto (the writer of Naruto) wanted to do some mini-arcs after the famous Wave Arc to develop the characters of the other genin in Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's year. But he was made to go right into the Chuunin Exams. So the premise here is that Kakashi, Team 7's sensei, is sick and so our ninjas get substitute senseis.

In this case? Ponies! Who are ninjas. PONY NINJAS!

Just read through the first bit and then you'll get to the Pony part.

Other Senseis - Surprise

Kakashi was stumbling around Konoha's hospital, eye wide, feverish and sick. He spotted a nurse who stared back in shock.

"Did I bang you, Colorful Spaghetti Monster?" He asked. "Well, have a nice dream about it!"

The nurse fell to a genjutsu that was... Deeply disturbing but she refused to let anyone break her out of it. Kakashi continued on his way, coughing against his mask.

"Ugggghhh... Need... Water... For Naruto's garden... Forgot... To water..." He mumbled.

"Code S! CODE S!" A Doctor bellowed.

A moment later, a tall man with brown hair, a green T-shirt, and orangish slacks appeared in front of Kakashi. Kakashi's eyes widened in disbelief.

"HAMBURGER MONSTERS!" He bellowed.

The tall man vanished... And reappeared right behind Kakashi. The Copy Nin fell, but the tall man caught him gently. He held him over to some nurses, who took him gratefully.

"Like, no sweat," he said, "I've had that nightmare too..."

"So..." Naruto broke the stillness of the morning air with his usual tact, "who do you think we're gonna get today? Vampire?"

"Stupid," Sakura snorted, "there's no such thing!"

"Vampire would be pretty cool, right Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke grunted.

"Weak against sunlight. No thanks."

"He might be like, a super vampire who's immune to sunlight," Naruto argued.

"We'd have to be vampires to gain his powers," Sasuke said.

"Oh yeah, that would suck," Naruto agreed.

Sakura gaped in disbelief.

"Why are you... How can you discuss things like this so easily, Sasuke-kun?!"

"We're guys, it's what we do," Naruto said cheerfully, "and Sasuke is a guy! Took him long enough to prove it!"

"Least I have proved it, dumbass," Sasuke snorted.

"Asshole!" Naruto shot back playfully.

"Ugggghhh...!" Sakura growled. She turned... And immediately bumped into a broad, well built chest underneath a green shirt. She looked up in disbelief. "Ah...?!"

"Like, chill out, little missy!" The man chuckled in accented Japanese. He rummaged around in a bag, and handed over a flatbread wrap. "Here. You should eat a good breakfast burrito! Made it myself! Most important meal of the day!"

"Reah," A huge brown nin-dog added next to him, "rost rimportant real rof ruh ray!"

Naruto and Sasuke turned, and both got breakfast burritos.

"Er... Hello," Sakura said, "I'm Haruno Sakura." She bowed, remembering her manners.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto grinned, bowing... After Sakura glared at him. Sasuke bowed too.

"Uchiha Sasuke," he said.

"And I'm Rogers Norville," the tall man said, "but you can call me Shaggy-sensei! And this is Scooby Doo! And I'm gonna be training you!"

"In what, cooking?" Naruto asked.

Shaggy-Sensei grinned, his eyes shining with power.

"Like, among other things, yes..."

Naruto was a fan of tough training. He loved it! And being taken seriously, he liked that too! All things Shaggy-sensei had done.

But alas, his time was up. Shaggy-sensei had to get back to his job.

So, feeling a bit depressed, Naruto nevertheless made his way to the Team 7 meeting spot on Monday morning, his hands in his pockets.

Sasuke and Sakura were both there. Sakura sighed, still stretching, while Sasuke was sitting stoically.

"Hey," he greeted them.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted.

"Hey Naruto," Sakura sighed. "Geez... Who do you think we'll get this time? Because our last sensei was... Rough."

"What do you mean rough?!" Naruto demanded. "He was awesome! He fed us, and then he fought us! It was so cool!"

"He was much more involved than Kakashi-sensei was," Sasuke observed quietly.

"YEAH!" Naruto cheered. "Come on Sakura-chan! You have to admit, it was nice!"

"Maybe a little," Sakura admitted, "he did actually... Ya know... Teach us... But still! All that running!"

"Running's good for you!" Naruto insisted. "It'll make your legs look great!"

"Pervert!" Sakura growled, throwing a punch... Which Naruto dodged. "AH! HEY!"

"I was listening to Shaggy-sensei!" Naruto laughed. Sakura growled and threw a few more punches, which Naruto dodged easily. Sakura finally just punched the ground, and Naruto tripped and fell back from the crater it formed.

"HA! So was I!" Sakura taunted.

"Wow! Neat!" Naruto said, genuinely enthused.

"Nice of you to finally become useful," Sasuke added. Sakura flushed, and looked down at the ground.

"Er... Thank you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura admitted in a soft voice.

Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"Hey! Are you blushing?!"

"No!" Sasuke said, far too quickly.

Just before a pie slapped into his face. Naruto's jaw dropped. Sakura gaped.

"What in the-?!"

Another pie zipped into Naruto's face, and a third smacked Sakura, nearly taking her off her feet. All three ninja pulled the pies off, Naruto licking his.

"Mmm... Strawberry?"

"CORRECT!" A woman with wild, bubbly pink hair in a pink balaclava and suit appeared in a flash of pink smoke. She pulled off her balaclava and beamed.

"Hi! I'm Pie Pinkamenia Diane! But you can call me Pinkie-sensei!"

"Pies?" Sasuke asked, holding back a snort. Pinkie nodded.

"Uh huh! Laced with poison!"

"POISON?!" Naruto and Sakura shrieked, while Sasuke's eyes bugged out in alarm. Naruto immediately dove into the stream below their bridge, washing out his mouth. Sakura went to her antipoison kit in her pouch, as did Sasuke. Pinkie laughed, and shook her head.

"No no no! I mean, they could have been! But they weren't!"

"Oh," Naruto mumbled, a bit embarrassed, as he climbed back up to the bridge. Sasuke and Sakura calmed down, now facing the pink-clad woman with new respect. Pinkie grinned and winked.

"Buuut, that's the ninja way! All warfare is deception! If your enemy is expecting you to do something, do something they'd never expect! Be the unexpected! Ergo... Pies!"

She held up a large metal tube.

"Out of a rocket launcher! They'll never see it coming! But first!"

She immediately hugged Naruto, then Sasuke, then Sakura.

"We need to bond as a team! So we'll be having a 'Team Bonding Party!' GUMMY!"

A gigantic alligator emerged from a poof of pink smoke, and opened its mouth. It spat out several seal scrolls, which Pinkie took and opened up. A pile of gifts, a table of food and drinks, and a surprised looking DJ appeared in clouds of smoke. Pinkie beamed and winked.

"How...?" Sakura managed.

"You'd be amazed at how useful seals are!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "And the invitees should be here... Nnnnnow!"

Another cloud of smoke, and all of Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke's classmates and friends appeared, all quite confused. Pinkie bounced up to them as the DJ shrugged and began playing music. Sasuke blinked.

"I'm beginning to understand your hesitation, Sakura," Sasuke muttered to the pink haired girl.

"I told you," Sakura muttered back, "we gotta talk to the Hokage about these substitutes-NARUTO!"

Naruto turned back, already eating cake.

"What? I'm not letting it go to waste! Besides... I've never had a party before."

Pinkie-sensei was by his side in an instant, her eyes wide as she gasped loudly.

"NEVER HAD A PARTY BEFORE?!" Pinkie hugged him. "DON'T WORRY! I'LL TEACH YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"

She dragged Naruto off, and paired him up with Hinata to dance... Which Naruto did, but Hinata promptly fainted. Pinkie shook her head and snapped her fingers.

"So many people don't know how to party! But don't worry! I, your amazing sensei, will teach you EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"

Battle of the Weebs

Pinkie: "Come on Fluttershy! Let's watch some Naruto!"

Fluttershy: "We could watch, um, my compost heap. It's the same thing."

Pinkie Pie: "Did you just call my anime tastes garbage?"

Fluttershy: "Oh no, garbage can be recycled. Compost just needs to be repurposed altogether."

Twilight: "Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy are doing something I've never seen either of them do, and it scares me."

Dash: "What?"

Twilight: "They seem to be... angry with each other."

Rainbow Dash: "Oh, they're both being manega nerds."

Pinkie: "HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE NARUTO?!"

Twilight: "Wait, they like Manega?!"

Pinkie: "It's fun and hopeful and ORANGE!"

Twilight: "I love manega!"

Dash: "I'm so not surprised..."

Twilight: "My favorite manega are My Stable Academia, and Changeling Slayer."

Both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie stop cold.

Fluttershy: "... What?"

Twilight: "What did I say?"

Pinkie Pie: "She..she has no good taste in Manega? What next you enjoy One Piece?"

Twilight: "What's wrong with One Piece?!"

Fluttershy: "It started out good but it's gone on way too long. There's just too much to keep track of and the original charm has been buried."

Pinkie Pie: "Plus how many more powers can Luffy pull out of his rubber flank?"

Fluttershy: "And while My Stable Academia has good heroes, it has no good villains. The key to any superhero story."

Pinkie Pie: "Look at One Buck Stallion."

Both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie nod. Twilight gapes at them in disbelief.

Twilight: "What?! Luffy's powers are great! He's one of the most brilliant characters in the story!"

Rainbow Dash: "Ugh. I can feel myself turning back into a virgin listening to these nerds."

Pinkie: "HEY! You can't talk! You like Daring Do! It's a series for colts and fillies, not adults!"

Dash: "No it isn't!"

Applejack: "...My friends are all weirdos."

Rarity: "I know right?"

Applejack: "You cosplay!"

Rarity: "It's a great source of income! And creativity! Realizing costumes from 2D into 3D!"

Ten minutes of arguing later.

Twilight: "You know what? After all our debate, I think we can all agree on one thing here, I hope." She holds up a pony version of Nezuko from Demon Slayer. "She's the best."

Fluttershy: "..." Holds up Gally/Alita from Battle Angel Alita/Gunnm "Sorry... We can't agree, Twilight. Gally is the best."

Twilight: "Gally is the best, but Nezuko is the best because we have to protect her."

Pinkie Pie: "Nuh uh!" Holds up Homura Akemi in pony form, who looks confused "Homura is the best because she never gives up, no matter what!"

Twilight: "MY CHOICE IS THE BEST! I HAVE RESEARCH NOTES!"

Pinkie: "NO MINE IS!"

Fluttershy: "MINE!"

Dash is still offended over that Daring Do crack but can't pull away from watching the mayhem. Applejack has just about lost her patience. Rarity though explodes first.

Rarity: "GIRLS!"

Everypony looks over at Rarity, who glares.

Rarity: "Honestly, can't you see that all of your favorite characters are wonderful in their own ways? And that you all have different tastes? And there's nothing wrong with that!"

The three ponies stare at her.

Rarity: "There is something of value in each of your favorite manega. And you can all bond over the ones you can all enjoy!"

Twilight: "... Well, they are. I-I mean, Homura never gives up."

Pinkie Pie: "Gally is very strong and cool!"

Fluttershy: "And Nezuko does her best and loves her big brother very much."

Pinkie Pie: "..." Sobs as she tosses Homura offscreen"I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY! I WAS A BIG MEANIE!" Hugs her "AND I'M SORRY TWILIGHT!" She yanks her into the hug.

Fluttershy: "I forgive you."

Applejack: Stares at Twilight, and narrows her eyes when Twilight smirks like Light Yagami.

Fluttershy: "I'm sorry too, Pinkie Pie."

Twilight: "I'm sorry too, you both!" Under her breath"Ku ku ku... Just as planned."

Applejack: Bonks Twilight on the head "None o' that!"

Twilight: "OW!"

Rarity: "Wonderful... We all like what we like. And there's nothing wrong with that. Now..." In a flourish, she's now dressed as Satsuki Kiryuin from Kill la Kill! "Let's enjoy ourselves!"

Applejack: "... Aw, what the heck." Pulls on a Jotaro costume from JoJo Bizarre Adventure Part 3 "Yare yare daze..."

Dash: "You freaking nerds!"

Pinkie: "Wanna join in, Dash?"

Dash: "... Aw, what the heck!" She pulls on a red plugsuit and puts on neural connectors "LET'S GO!"

Snips and Snails appear, dramatically!

Snips: "HEY! I heard you're manega fans!"

Fluttershy: "Oh yes, we are!"

Snails: "So are we!"

Pinkie Pie: "WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW! I need to update that!" Thinks really hard!

Twilight: "What's your favorite manega?"

Snips and Snails: "Eromanega Sensei!"

Dead silence

Fluttershy: "... Get out."

Author's Note

Just for weebs.

Gelatin

"So Pinkie Pie, what's the occasion?" Twilight Sparkle asked as the pink-colored mare cheerfully showed her friends into her home. It was done up, as usual, for a celebration in gaily colored ribbons and streamers and with the warm pink paint of the walls presented a cheerful atmosphere.

"Oh, it's a surprise! Just wait and see!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. She bounced into the kitchen, leaving her friends to wait.

"What do you think it is? Gummy's New Girlfriend Party was last week," Twilight asked aloud.

"Ah don't think him gnawing on a rubber gator toy counts," Applejack said dryly.

"Love can take all different forms," Fluttershy said softly. "A turtle near my house keeps giving flowers to a rock. Poor thing, she's so lonely."

"Maybe we can hook her up with Speedy! He's the stallion-est turtle in all of Equestria!" Rainbow Dash said with a bright smile.

"Ahem?" Twilight cleared her throat to get everypony's attention. "If we could focus?"

"I believe we'll get our answer soon enough, Twilight," Rarity said with a serene smile. "And the answer, whatever it is, will surely be..." Rarity trailed off for a moment as Pinkie Pie pushed her surprise into the room on a cart. Rarity's eyes then grew to a very large size and her jaw dropped.

"Surprise!" Pinkie Pie said with a grin as she hopped in front of the gigantic, multi-colored stack of fruit and candy covered gelatin. All of Pinkie Pie's friends backed away.

"Oh my goodness gracious, Pinkie Pie!" Fluttershy whispered, horrified. "Wh-What have you done?"

"Th-That monstrosity! You can't be serious!" Rarity gasped, holding a hoof to her mouth.

"I think I'm going to be sick," moaned Twilight.

"By Celestia's fetlock clippin's, have you lost yer mind?" Applejack cried.

"Was this the idea of that damn bucket of turnips?" Rainbow Dash demanded angrily. "WAS IT? WAS IT?"

"Hm? What?" Pinkie Pie looked back at the gelatin construct, then back at her horrified friends. Her mouth then made an 'o' of understanding, and she giggled.

"Oh no! Silly willy fillies, where have you been? They don't need to make Jell-O from horse bones and hooves any more!"

"Then what is it made from?" Twilight demanded. Pinkie Pie produced the package. Twilight took it into her hooves and studied it.

"'Pony Safe... All natural ingredients, none of them from ponies,'" Twilight read. Rarity breathed a sigh of relief, as the rest of the ponies calmed down.

"Oh good! For a moment, I was worried..."

"All right girls! Let's dig in!" Pinkie Pie cheered, hoofing out spoons to them all. Twilight laughed and smiled.

"We're sorry for thinking you'd use... You know... Ponies in your Jell-O."

"Of course I wouldn't!" Pinkie Pie laughed as she pointed at the package. "Look on the back!"

Twilight Sparkle did.

"Hmmm... 'Made from 100% human?'"

"Bon appetite!" Pinkie Pie said with a wink, just before digging out a spoonful and popping it into her mouth. "Mmmm..." She grinned.

"Delicious~..."

Just a dark bit of fun to mock a recurring trope concerning glue I've seen in a few fics. No humans were harmed in the making of this story.

Except for Bob. Sorry Bob, that was my bad.

Author's Note

An old story bit I couldn't figure out how to expand beyond this.

Another Naruto Crossover

Kakashi, Sakura and Sai all trooped out to Naruto's apartment when the blonde didn't show up for their usual meeting. Kakashi could hear the sounds of loud, riotous laughter and party horns, as well as music. Sai raised an eyebrow, as Sakura growled.

"That stupid idiot! He missed our meeting because he's partying?!" She demanded. She strode in front of Kakashi, and ripped the door open-Nearly off its handles. "NARUTO-!"

A creampie hit her right in the face. She fell backwards in shock, arms waving about. Naruto appeared, laughing hard. He brightened as he saw his team.

"GUYS! Come on in! Come on in!" He cheered. "Oh hey! Sakura, you got my aunt's prank! HA! Isn't it great? Her pies are amazing!"

Sakura got the pie off her face. She was enraged, yes, but the pie was delicious. Then her brain caught up with what Naruto had said, at the same time Kakashi voiced it.

"Aunt??" Kakashi asked. Naruto nodded eagerly, and took their hands. He pulled them into his apartment.

"Come in, come in! Meet them, meet them!" He cheered. "You too Sai!"

Sai walked in, wearing his usual bemused smile. All of the ninja made it to Naruto's living room. Their reactions were varied at what met them.

The floor was covered in balloons and streamers decorated the walls. There were cakes and pies and other pastries all over, as well as ramen-based pastries. And in the center of it all... Was a bouncing pink pony with a poofy mane and huge, blue eyes. Next to her was a purple pony with wings and a horn, looking a bit nervous. The pink pony grinned widely and leaped over the table.

"HI! I'm Pinkie Pie! It's so nice to meet you! Here, have cake!" She provided slices to each of them, and licked all the pie from Sakura's face. The pink haired girl had chosen a bad time to gape. "Mm! Key Lime!"

"... Naruto," Sai began, "there are ponies in your room."

"Yep!" Naruto said happily with a nod. He hugged Pinkie Pie, and then dragged her over to hug the purple one. "This is my Aunt Pinkie and my Aunt Twilight Sparkle!"

"We were bestest friends with his mom when she jumped into our universe," Twilight explained. "It's taken us a while to re-establish the link, but we managed to do so and found Naruto. So we've been catching up."

"I even got to go to Kushina's wedding!" Pinkie said cheerfully. She gasped, her eyes widening. "KAKASHI! IS THAT YOU?! I didn't recognize you with your mask! Is it a new one?"

"Yes," Kakashi deadpanned. He sighed heavily as Pinkie Pie bounced up and hugged him. He patted her on the head. "Hello Pinkie-san."

"Silly, I told you! Pinkie-chan!"

"Your mom," Sakura began, "was friends... With talking magic ponies?"

Naruto grinned broadly. "THE BEST OF FRIENDS!"

Sakura very slowly sat down in the nearest chair. Or tried to, hence why she ended up on the floor. Twilight gave her a smile and patted her on the palm with her hoof.

"Don't worry. You'll get used to it," she said gently.

Author's Note

For Kishimoto's birthday! Happy birthday, sir!

Prince Nightmare

Twilight Sparkle is in Golden Oaks Library, hoping to get away from the hardcore partying on the night of the Summer Sun Festival. She goes downstairs, fumbling in the dark as her horn isn't casting much light.

Also, Pinkie Pie is bouncing after her.

Pinkie: "So did you like the hot sauce prank? I can make it hotter if you'd like! Or get you vodka! You look like a vodka drinker!"

Twilight: *sighs* "No! I'm trying to save Equestria!" She glares at Pinkie as she trots on down "And maybe if you let me, I could-!"

She bumped into a stone statue, and looked up... Into a face.

Twilight: !!! "BWAH?!" She stumbled back in fright. Pinkie Pie found the light switch, and the face was revealed: As was the body it was connected to, all stone.

Pinkie: "Oh hey! A statue! Neat!"

Twilight: "Wha...?"

It was a statue of a human male, in his twenties, dressed in armor with the sigil of Nightmare Moon across his breastplate and strange feathered "wings" on his back. He had a sword at his side and a helmet sitting by him. He was kneeling, his chin on his fist as he sat and contemplated whatever was in front of him.

Pinkie: "What's it a statue of? Is it a flying monkey? Where's his fez?!"

Twilight: "N-No! This is a statue of Prince Andrew Shepherd, the Dark Prince! He was the adoptive son of Princess Luna, and fought beside her and Princess Celestia against Sombra. He was apparently from another world, but Luna found him and raised him as her own."

Pinkie: "Ooohh... Nifty! What happened to him? Is he stone? Did he get stoned?" giggles

Twilight: huffs "He apparently sided with his mother when she became Nightmare Moon. After her defeat though, he vanished." *She gazed up into the stone eyes* "Why would somepony make a statue of him though? When he was Nightmare Moon's Dark Knight?"

Pinkie: "I dunno..." She pokes him several times "Huh! He has pretty eyes! Is that why you're staring so hard?"

Twilight: flush "No! And that's not important!"

Pinkie: grins "Well I think he likes you, Twilight!"

Twilight: "What? Why?" groans "Wait, don't tell me."

Pinkie: "Because he's-!"

Twilight and Pinkie: "Rock hard."

Pinkie giggles and rolls around, as Twilight rolls her eyes.

Twilight: "Ugh, you're just impossible!" *She stormed off, Pinkie bouncing after her* "We have more important things to worry about!"

And indeed, they soon did! As Nightmare Moon returned! Twilight galloped back to the library, trying to find the key to the Elements of Harmony while five annoying ponies kept distracting her.

Twilight: "Ugh! Look! I need to find out where the Elements of Harmony are! And I need to do it alone! It's too dangerous!"

Dash: "Well too bad, because you're not going alone!"

Twilight: "Look, I don't need anypony's help!"

Pinkie: "Ooh! Ooh! Not even his help?" Points behind her!

Twlight turns around. Brushing off some stone flakes from his body, the fully rejuvenated Dark Prince Shepherd looks up at all six mares and one dragon.

Shepherd: "... Hey. Funny question, but-what year is it?"

Mares and Spike: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Shepherd: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Different take on a Human in Equestria story: Princess Luna had an adopted human son, who became a Knight. When she turned into Nightmare Moon, he sided with her and then was frozen in stone for a thousand years. Then, he gets released and has to adjust to the modern world of Equestria.

I'm just using Shepherd as a stand in, it could work for any human OC. Or Flash Sentry.

Author's Note

This is a bit of a garage sale, isn't it? Oh well...

Short Cut

Luna blinked and yawned. She blinked the sleep from her eyes and slowly her head rose. She shook her head and emerged from her bed, trotting across her chambers to the bathroom.

She entered it, picked up her toothbrush, and looked into the mirror. Her toothbrush fell.

“GYAH!” She cried.

“Mm? Something wrong, dear Sister?” Celestia asked, poking her head inside. Her eyebrows rose, and she raised a hoof to cover her mouth. “Mmph...”

“Sister! Laugh, and I will end you!” Luna snarled from underneath what looked like a scale, fuzzy model of the universe. It took a moment for Celestia to realize it was her mane, glowing brightly.

“Mmmph... Hehehehe...!” She giggled. “Sorry Luna, but you really do look a fright! How did it happen?”

“I don’t know!” Luna said, frustrated. “All I remember is examining the Elements of Harmony last night for my studies, and when I woke up I was... Was... POOFY!”

“Hmmm,” Celestia said. “It’s possible you just got exposed to a bit of residual magical energy from them. And given your hair is magical in nature...”

“Oh lovely, I’ve become a magiron absorber,” Luna grumbled as she fished out her abacus and began doing calculations. “I can’t go out like THIS! I’d need a thaumaturgy purge equal to five hundred ganondorfs!”

“Well, perhaps you could offset the radiation somewhat?” Celestia suggested. “That might make it dissipate faster.”

“Yes, but it would require others who are linked to the Elements of Harmony, and the only ones who are... Are...” Luna stared at Celestia. “Sister, why are you grinning?”

“Ahhhh! My hair!” Twilight cried, her mane now arranged in so many different directions it could qualify as a bird’s nest. “No, what’s causing this, get down!”

“AH! Behave, behave!” Rainbow Dash cried, flying around as her mane and tail stood on end and crackled with lightning. “Rarity, I need your girly hair products NOW!”

“YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, DARLING!” Rarity screamed, literally fighting off her coiffure with a pair of scissors and a curling iron. “Back, back! I am your mistress, OBEY!”

Applejack looked at herself in a mirror in dread. “Ah... Ah’m... Curlier than the hair on a sheep!” She groaned.

“THAT’S where they went!” Pinkie Pie cried, her hair perfectly flat and smooth. She pounced on the Apple farmer. “Give them back NOW!”

“AH! PINKIE, WHAT IN TARNATION-?!”

Fluttershy, for her part, was now a big, pink, puffy cottonball of a pony unable to move.

“Help,” Fluttershy whimpered. “If you please...?”

Luna stared down at Ponyville, using her sight beyond sight to observe the chaos, and then turned to look over at the hysterically laughing Celestia.

“You’re absolutely horrible, do you know that?” Luna growled.

"It fixed your hair didn't it?"

"Yes, but you ruined theirs!"

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, you know what they say, heeheehee... Hair today, shorn tomorrow, ahahahahahaha!”

Author's Note

I know, I'm awful.

Other Senseis - Apples

The sun was just breaking over the horizon as the three genin walked down the road, a few miles outside the village walls.

"Ugh... It's way too early," Sakura grumbled.

"No worse than with Kakashi-sensei," Naruto pointed out.

"Well, at least we're meeting our new substitute sensei somewhere else," Sakura offered. They were heading to a local farming village, which actually provided Konoha with a lot of its produce. Lines of apple trees could be seen, as far as the eye could see.

"Still, why'd she ask us to meet her on a farm?" Sasuke wondered, as they approached the large apple farm's entrance road.

"I don't know, but I don't care!" Naruto said with a bright grin, looking around, "I just like being out here!"

"You're cheerful," Sakura said sardonically.

"Why shouldn't I be? It's a beautiful day, we're going to a farm..."

They crested a rise in the road, and Naruto spied a tall, beautiful, busty and muscled blonde woman in the orchard. She wore denim shorts, a tight tanktop, a short jacket, boots and a cowboy hat. She reared her foot back, and kicked a nearby tree hard. A flash of chakra left her boot, and every apple on the tree fell neatly into buckets around the tree. She caught one and tossed it into an extra barrel. She looked up with a grin, and waved her arm, making her long golden hair wave in the sunshine.

"Howdy! Come on up!"

"... And our sensei is sooo hot," Naruto murmured.

Sasuke nodded.

"So was the last one," Sakura growled.

"So you admit she was hot?" Naruto asked, teasing.

"NO! SHUT UP!"

They met up with the tall blonde woman, who wore her Hitai-ate around her throat on a bandanna. She grinned.

"Ah'm Applejack! You can call me Applejack-sensei! And you must be Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke! Nice to meet'cha!"

"Sensei!" Naruto cheered.

"Sensei," Sakura and Sasuke said dutifully.

"So, you run a farm while you're a ninja?" Sakura asked. Applejack nodded.

"Sure as shootin'! The Apple Clan learned how to use ninjutsu fer farming long ago! We've been feeding Fire Country since the time of the First Hokage!"

"Awww... Farming ninjutsu?" Naruto whined. "What's cool about that?"

Applejack smirked. She tossed out an appleseed under Naruto's feet. He stared dubiously at it.

"What's that gonna-?"

Applejack slammed her feet down while forming a handseal... And the seed erupted into an apple tree, sending Naruto flying. Sakura and Sasuke barely got out of the way as the blond ninja was tossed up into the air.

"AAAAHHHHHH!"

CRASH

"Owwww...!"

"That answer yer question?" Applejack asked wryly, as Naruto got up. He ran back up, and grinned.

"Cool!"

"What else?" Sasuke asked, still skeptical but more polite than Naruto. Applejack grinned, and cracked her knuckles.

"Well now... Can't give away all our family jutsu, o' course, but..."

She leaped over the fence and over to a large boulder, that was sitting in one of the fields. The three genin followed. Applejack nodded to the boulder.

"How much would you say that weighs?"

"Average density of granite, the size of it... Ten tons?" Sakura guessed. Applejack nodded.

"About that..."

She went over, gripped the boulder, and lifted it right over her head. She shifted it to one hand, smiling appreciatively as Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke all made small noises of amazement.

"WOW!" Naruto cried. "That's great!"

"Eeyup," Applejack said.

Sakura glowered as Sasuke stared very intensely.

Applejack set the boulder down.

"But first," she said, "you youngins need a good breakfast! Come on up to the farmhouse!"

"And she's cooking us breakfast too?" Naruto murmured.

"Best. Sensei. Ever," Sasuke stated quietly.

"Ooooh!" Sakura growled, "you... You shallow boys!"

"What? We think she's awesome! And hot!" Naruto whispered back.

"You two are all about the shallowest things!" Sakura grumbled. "You'd never see me acting so shamelessly over some hot ninja!"

Naruto gave her a wry expression. As did Sasuke. Sakura's scowl deepened.

"When it's our sensei!" She hissed.

They came up to an old, but very well maintained farmhouse. A tall blond man, built like a Greek God and wearing nothing but pants, emerged from a barn carrying a large wagon of apple barrels on one shoulder. Sweat glistened off his cut body, and his jaw was lantern shaped. His eyes were blue and clear, and his cheekbones were high.

"And this is mah brother, Big Macintosh," Applejack said pleasantly, "he's taking a break from his jounin duties."

"Humina..." Sakura mumbled, drool dripping from her lips.

She froze as she felt the stares from her teammates. She discretely wiped her mouth, coughing while her cheeks burned red.

"... Shut up."

Author's Note

Another fun crossover with Naruto!

Aftermath - Bonus Scene 2

The rag clad ponies trembled before him as he sat upon his throne. He stared down at them, his face an emotionless white mask. His eyes gleamed red, as his hair burned like flames atop his head.

"We are at war," he began, his voice booming through the throneroom, "and yet you have the audacity to steal from our granaries?"

"M-My King, please," the leader, an old stallion, begged, "we did not want to-But-but we are starving!"

"There is work in my mines, on my farms, in my factories and my cities," Nightmare Wrath spoke, "I have provided you the means to work. If you are crippled, you are given the means to contribute. Why then, do you steal?"

"W-We cannot work," the stallion sobbed, "we have tried everywhere! They won't take us!"

The Lord's mask didn't change, but there was no pity in the empty eyes.

"Every hoof is needed to defend this land," he growled, his voice calm but deadly, "every back must shoulder the burden. Why must you trouble your kingdom with such trivialities?"

He stood up, a cape of flames appearing behind him like angelic wings. He strode down, the heat of the fire making the ponies sweat. His presence made them cower.

"Do you think I lounge in luxury? Do you think I do nothing but feed on our kingdom like a parasite?" Wrath growled.

The stallion shook his head rapidly.

"M-My Lord, we would never dream-Never think-!"

"I do not tolerate laziness in myself, or in my subjects," the Lord stated, "if you cannot find work, it will be found for you. Guards!"

Two black armored pegasi landed nearby. Shepherd nodded.

"Take the old stallion and the colts for the army. The mare and fillies for the support train," he ordered.

"M-My Lord?" The stallion questioned.

"I am allowing you to be together," the Lord snarled, making the stallion quiver, "you should thank my generosity."

The stallion nodded quickly.

"Y-Yes, my Lord! Of course my Lord! Thank you, My Lord! You are so gracious and kind-" He began to choke as a red hot ring of magic fire appeared around his throat. "URK! MY... LORD...!"

The Lord held his hand up.

"Gratitude is appreciated. Groveling is not. Take that scar as a reminder of the difference."

He released the stallion, who was held by his family. He rubbed the brand on his neck, still smoking from the heat. They all bowed their heads in silence, as the guards led them out. The doors slammed shut, leaving the fiery Lord alone.

... Or so it would seem.

"Captain Lightning Dust," he spoke. A black clad mare zipped up, and stood at attention.

"My Lord," she stated gruffly.

"You had a report," Wrath stated, his hand rising, "you had better not be wasting my time-"

"We've found your son and wife," Dust said.

The Lord froze. He shook his head.

"... Fluttershy died," he stated firmly, "her injuries were too severe. She died... With my child-"

Dust pulled out a picture. She held it to him. The Lord took it in his hands, staring at it through his mask.

A boy, not quite human, not quite equine, six years old. He was playing with a griffin child. He could see Fluttershy, scarred but smiling gently, as she watched their child at play from a wooden porch.

The entire room became an inferno, and Lightning Dust yelped as she flew up and away from the stone floor as it burned like volcanic ash. The tapestries and banners on the walls, plain and simple, all caught fire and burnt into ash.

The picture remained intact, but only just. The temperature dropped, and the Lord looked up at the sweltering Lightning Dust.

"... How?"

"We suspect Rainbow Dash faked her death, My Lord," Lightning Dust said, smirking broadly at the thought of her rival's betrayal, "and smuggled her out. She probably had help... Shall I start rounding up the traitors for execution-?"

Lightning Dust fell as a burning collar locked around her neck. She tried to pull it off, and screamed as her hands burned.

"Don't choke on your aspirations, Captain," Nightmare Wrath hissed, "your intentions are plain to see. I will deal with Rainbow Dash's treachery myself... But you will attend to your duties."

"Y-Yes... Yes My Lord...!" Dust gasped. Wrath released her. She gasped a few times, then knelt before him.

"What... What is your bidding, my Lord?" She asked.

"Assemble my fleet, Captain. We will invade Griffinstone sooner than anticipated," he stated. "Dismissed."

"At once, My Lord," Lightning Dust promised, before she took off in a flash of turquoise and lightning bolts.

Nightmare Wrath turned and walked back to his throne, the picture held securely in his hand.

"They will be mine... It will all be mine..."

Author's Note

Basically, Shepherd going Darth Vader.

Alicorn Life Cycle

Twilight: Teleports right into Celestia's bedroom "LUNA WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON?! YOU TOLD ME CELESTIA IS DEAD?! HOW?! WHY?! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Luna: "Oh! Hello Twilight Sparkle. Yes, our sister has died."

A little filly alicorn with pink hair is on the bed.

Luna: "There she is."

Twilight: "..." Twilight .exe has failed

Luna: "You see, to allow alicorns to survive so long, every so often we undergo a regeneration cycle where we die, and are reborn."

Celestia: "Yes! All new veins! Brain cells! Arteries! Bones! Everything's new!"

Twilight: "And this happens every few hundred years?"

Celestia: "Or if you die in battle."

Luna: "Or undergo incredible drain on your magics to the point you're about to die."

Celestia: "Or if your last regeneration didn't go well. Frankly I always like having a big booty. I tried the small booty form for a while, it just didn't suit me."

Luna: deadpan "How terrible that must have been for you, sister."

Celestia: scoff "You killed yourself once to make your booty bigger!"

Luna: "You insane cake lust always gave you the edge!"

Twilight: "..." Her brain is full of fuck. "Cadence?! Did you know about this?!"

Cadence: "Knew about it? I've actually gone through it! Remember when I had to go to the hospital for the strangles?"

Twilight: "You died of strangles?!"

Cadence: "No, no, I died from food poisoning. They just said I had strangles. Hoo boy though, that was scary!"

Twilight: "You died three months ago?!"

Cadence: "But Shining did enjoy being together with me when I was a teenager. Let me tell you, he was sooo big and-"

Twilight: Teleports away immediately.

Luna: "Must you do that?"

Cadence: "Yes."

This written by Rokas

The Princesses Three get a missive from Spike: "Twilight's Dead!" and they rush to her castle.

Spike: "Oh thank Harmony you're here!" *Runs over and hugs Celestia.*

Celestia: "Of course," she says, even as she wraps forelegs around the dragon. "Now tell us what happened."

Spike: "She came back from meeting you in Canterlot and said something about getting an image out of her head and the next thing I knew she drank a whole bottle of bleach!"

Luna: *Aside to Cadance* "Bleach?"

Cadance: "Cleaning chemical, very poisonous."

Celestia: *To Spike* "That must not have been pleasant to watch, Spike. But you do remember what I told you about alicorns, right?"

Spike: *Sniffles as he hugs Celestia, but nods* "You don't die for good and she'll be back, and I'm guessing that's why you're young now. But it was really bad to watch her convulse on the ground and foam at the mouth."

Twilight: "I'm sorry Spike."

Everyone turns to see a tiny filly Twilight Sparkle stumbling out from the door to her room.

Twilight: "I didn't mean to scare you, but SOMEPONY has ISSUES" *glares at Cadance*

Cadance: "Look, if you'd just find a good stallion and get mounted already—"

Celestia: *emphatically clearing her throat* "I don't think this is the time for that conversation," she says, and then turns her head to Twilight while letting go of Spike. "And Twilight, as disturbing as Cadance can be when she's on about, er, relationships—"

Cadance winks.

Celestia: "—You should really control yourself more thoroughly. Poor Spike at least knows that you were going to be back, but even then witnessing one of our deaths isn't a pleasant thing even with that foreknowledge."

Twilight: *Looking morose* "You're right." *turns to Spike* "Can you ever forgive me?"

Spike: *Walks over and hugs Filly!Twilight* "Of course! Just don't do that again!"

Twilight returns the hug, and the older princesses d'awww. Celestia then walks up and leans her head over to whisper in
Twilight's ear: "By the way, how would you rate the experience?"

Twilight: *Bemused, backs out of the hug and gives Celestia an odd look.* "Uh, what?"

Celestia: "I'm curious. I mean, you would think being stabbed and bleeding out would be bad, but I've found it's surprisingly painless compared to food poisoning or being crushed."

Luna: "'Tis the blood boiling of battle that dulls the pain."

Cadance: "We call that 'adrenaline' now."

Twilight: "Well, I haven't died before, but... Honestly, I can't say I'd suggest it, even if you were curious. It's really, really
painful."

Celestia: "I do admit to being curious, but I shall take your advice and avoid it."

Spike: "Okay, the extreme weirdness of alicorns aside, what are we going to do now that Twilight has a few weeks of regrowing to do?"

Twilight: "What do you mean? I'm perfebly... perfectly fine."

Celestia: "Twilight, as you just now showed, your mind may be grown but your body is not, and until your brain catches up with your mind you're going to need some kind of supervision until you work out the kinks."

Cadance: "Oh! Let me take her, please? She can be a playmate to Flurry."

Twilight: "Wait a minute! What about Celestia?"

Luna: "We have long experience in adapting to this event, fair Twilight, and my sister and I are quite adept at not only caring for one another, but also handling being young again and effects thereof."

Twilight: "So why can't I stay with you?"

Luna: "Because if I had to deal with two alicorn children at once I'd probably kill myself just to get a vacation."

Cadance: "...Wait a moment."

Luna: "Too late! The die has been cast and thy words have been noted!" *Grabs Celestia in a telekinetic aura and then leaps into the air.* "Send us a letter when you get to the Empire!" *Teleports herself and Celestia away.*

Cadance: "Luuuuunaaaaaaa!!

Twilight and Spike give each other an uneasy look. Then Spike blinks and grins. "Well, at least now I'll get to be the older sibling for a while."

Twilight: *Pouts adorably*

Author's Note

Another Plot Bunny Theater turned into a chapter, with a bit by Rokas! Enjoy!

The Shipping Doctor

The warning bells about the universe about to end begin ringing loudly in the TARDIS. Doctor Whooves looks up from his reading and sighs

Doctor: "Not again!"

VWORP... VWORP... VWORP...

He rematerializes in the Crystal Empire Palace. He looks out in irritation at Cadence, who is smiling... And has her shipping chart at the ready.

Doctor: "Damnit Cadence! I told you before, no!"

Cadence: "But think of the shipping! And Auntie is so lonely!"

Doctor: "There's plenty of that here that doesn't require ME!"

Cadence: "But-!"

Doctor: "No!"

Cadence: "But I-"

Doctor: "NO!"

Cadence: "Hmph!"

Doctor: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go stop Future Twilight from going evil."

Cadence: "Again?"

Doctor: "Is it a day that ends in y? Then yes, AGAIN."

Cadence: "Fine! I don't have to ship you! There are thirteen or fourteen of you!"

Doctor: "We're all the same being!"

Cadence: "Ooh. Kinky."

Doctor: sigh

Author's Note

Just a short bit.

Short Hand vs. The Conversion Bureau

Shepherd: So, what kind of adventure do you have planned for us today, Discord?

Discord: You almost sound eager to hear it!

Shepherd: *beams* Why should I be depressed? Everything's great. Fluttershy is having my child, I have a great job I love to do, contact has been re-established with Earth... I mean, what could I possibly be depressed about?

Discord: Well, that is indeed happy news! But imagine if you will... If Equestria wasn't quite the safe haven you thought it was?

Shepherd: ... It really isn't safe, Discord-

Discord: Sorry, I misspoke. What if Celestia reacted a bit... Differently to humanity?

Shepherd: Differently? How do you mean?

Discord: Well you are very dangerous, you know. Just think of what a far less compassionate Celestia might do about you...

Shepherd: Er, how do you mean?

Discord: Let me paint you a picture...

They were dangerous. She knew this. Just one of them had helped turn the tide of the Changeling invasion. Just one human had helped defeat Sombra, his will being able to withstand the power of the Crystal Heart. And her student loved him. She had considered removing Shepherd from the equation. Quietly, simply... Get Twilight back on the proper path.

Yet she could not deny he was a good influence on Twilight. That he was a great asset... But the rest of his race...

The radio signal was clear and concise, and in multiple languages. But there was just one she was interested in.

"Friend or foe...?"

Celestia turned to Sundance, her aide. "Sundance? Alert my ministers. I believe I will be requiring a new bureau."

"A new bureau, Your Majesty?" Asked Sundance curiously. The diarch nodded grimly.

"Yes... A conversion bureau..."

The portal in the Crystal Empire had required a lot of tinkering, but it was now showing images from the other side. From Earth. Famine, war, destruction and death raged... And horror shown on the face of Andrew Shepherd as he and the Elements of Harmony watched.

"I'm sorry to say your world has seen better days, Andrew Shepherd," Celestia said, not unkindly. "In the wake of the Changeling invasion, you've fallen on each other. War, death, decay..." She shook her head. "The Earth is in turmoil, Andrew Shepherd."

"I... Well we need to do something then!" Andrew insisted. Celestia hummed.

"What would you have us do?"

"I... I dunno, send in aid?" Andrew suggested. "I mean, your magic would allow us to do so much, to rebuild! It would save so many people!"

"Yes," Celestia nodded, "but humanity might not welcome us."

"Why wouldn't they?" Dash demanded. "We'd be coming in to help!"

"As Andrew is aware, interventions do not always go to plan," Celestia said carefully. "After all, your race just survived an alien invasion. How would they look upon another race of aliens, so soon?"

Andrew frowned. "I'm... I'm not sure what you're saying-"

"I am saying, the intervention will be difficult... Unless we have certain facts available." She looked to Shepherd. "Chrysalis knows much of Earth's defenses, but we would need... An emissary. A human to bridge the gap between our worlds."

"You want me to be an ambassador?" Andrew asked with a frown. Celestia nodded.

"And to help ease tensions. I believe ceasing the internal conflicts between your people would be a good first step, and a demonstration of our power. A stick... And a carrot?"

"You... You're not talking about just... Just attacking his people, are you?" Fluttershy asked warily. Celestia smiled, trying to be comforting.

"With our weather control, we could simply render conflict impossible... Which would make your people listen," Celestia said, looking to Shepherd again. "If we enter now, we would doubtless be greeted with violence. But if we demonstrate our power... Then establish official diplomatic relations, with you as the ambassador..."

Shepherd frowned deeply. "... Is... Is this the only way you'll help?" He asked. Celestia sighed, and nodded.

"I'm afraid so..."

"Andrew, we can do something else, we can think of-" Twilight tried, but Celestia stared at her sharply. Twilight wavered, and bowed her head. "I mean... I guess I just don't... I don't know if it's... Going to work."

"Neither do I, my little pony," Celestia said, "but we do have to try..." And here she looked at Shepherd. "Do we not?"

The human, very slowly, nodded. "I... Yes. Yes we do..."

And Princess Celestia smiled.

In the situation room aboard the Space Battleship Enterprise, the Mane 6, Andrew Shepherd, and Chrysalis met with military leaders.

"You're saying that this starship of hers is going to convert all of humanity into ponies?" Asked the American general. Twilight frowned and nodded.

"Yes." Twilight pointed to the holographic display atop the desk, showing a spaceship that eerily resembled White Base from the Gundam series. "It has to charge up before it can use the beam on a planetary scale. It can only do it to one city at a time."

"Unfortunately, a concentrated nuclear strike didn't affect her," the Chinese general said. "So what plan do you have now?"

"Well, we have found an artifact that would allow a single human to channel the full power of the Elements of Harmony," Twilight said with a smile. She looked over at Shepherd, and he held up the Iron Age sword. The generals frowned.

"Where did you get that?" The British general.

"Pulled it out of a stone in a tomb on an island near Britain," Shepherd said. The British general choked. "Oh relax, we'll put it right back!"

"Why can't you just blast her from here?" Asked the American General. Dash snorted.

"Too risky! And obvious. She'd see us coming."

"And she can sense us coming, anyway," Rarity said. She smiled over at Shepherd. "Which is why we're going to send someone she'd never see coming to stop her."

Shepherd nodded with a bright smile. He looked at the smiling faces of his pony friends... And his face fell.

"... You mean me, right?"

"Yes dear," Fluttershy said, brushing his shoulder with her wing. "We mean you. You'll fly into the central head and act like you're going to hit the self-destruct."

"It has a self-destruct?" Shepherd asked. Twilight nodded.

"Of course it does!"

"Of course it does," muttered Shepherd.

"Wait... We're relying on this boy?" The Chinese general asked in disbelief. "What is your background, young man?"

"I've fought a dragon and a manticore multiple times and survived," Shepherd said flatly. "Which seems to qualify me for crazy space heroics. You?"

"... Military engineering," the general ground out. Pinkie Pie beamed.

"Ooh! Where's your hat?"

"My what?" Asked the general, confused. Pinkie Pie bounced up and down in her seat.

"Yeah! You have a hat to be an engineer, right? Did you pull the whistle too?"

"Not that kind o' engineerin', sugah cube," said Applejack. Pinkie frowned.

"So... Death ray engineer?"

"I built bridges and launch pads!" The general said angrily.

"With your bare hands?"

"No!"

"Well I don't where you're going with this," Pinkie said, shaking her head. The American general sighed and patted the Chinese general on the shoulder.

"You get used to them... Or you have a psychotic breakdown."

The Harbringer of Peace wasn't too hard to infiltrate. A magic spell on the Sophia (which had been upgraded and fueled up for this mission) made it invisible. Shepherd, who had been taking a lot of lessons, managed to fly the ship into the ear and into the head of the great white starship. He came to a stop and docked with the internal docking ring. He slipped inside, and made his way to the central core. He turned a corner... And pulled back quickly as he saw a guard.

He reached out and gripped the back of his neck.

"... What the Tartarus are you doing?" The stallion asked.

"Um... Vulcan neck pinch?" Shepherd offered. The Stallion glared at him.

"No stupid, that's not... Hey wait a minute! You're a human and-!"

Shepherd whacked him over the head with the butt of his pistol. He sighed as the guard collapsed. "Boring conversation anyway," he muttered. He lifted the stallion up to the ident scanner for the armored door, and it opened. He entered, and grinned as he saw the great big red button.

Self Destruct Button - Press Only if you Really, REALLY want to!

He walked up to it, and held his elbow up to smash the button in.

"NOT SO FAST, SHEPHERD!" Cried a familiar voice. Shepherd turned around and scowled at the white form of Princess Celestia.

"Celestia! So... At last we meet for the first time, for the last time!" Shepherd cried. He then frowned. "No, wait, we've met before... Can I start over?"

"No," said Celestia. "Before you die, there is something you must know!"

"What's that?" Asked Andrew. "You're my... Mother?"

"WHAT?! Of course I'm not your mother!" Celestia gasped.

"My mother's cousin?"

Celestia glared. Shepherd smiled weakly.

"My mother's brother's cousin's nephew's... Former roommate?" He tried.

"As I was saying," Celestia growled, "before you die... I am not actually Princess Celestia. I am, instead... CORONA WRATH!" Her eyes flashed brightly.

"... Who?" Andrew asked. Celestia glared more intensely.

"A spirit of purity! Of the order all life craves! Freedom from freedom! All to form the equine super collective!"

"... I've never heard of you," Shepherd said. He grinned. "Hey! That means this is the first and last time we meet-!"

He ducked a solar blast from the possessed Celestia. He sighed.

"Me and my big mouth..."

Pinkie Pie: Hey, what happened? Everything went dark!

Twilight: What did you push?

Pinkie Pie: I just tried to turn off the screen-

Dash: Oh for-YOU TURNED OFF THE MOVIE, PINKIE PIE!

Pinkie Pie: Whoops! These buttons just look so much alike-

Twilight: TURN IT BACK ON!

Pinkie Pie: Yes Twilight, yes!

"So... Right to the fight? No explaining your backstory?" Andrew asked Corona Wrath, as she fired off another energy blast. She was restricted in what she could actually throw at him given they were in a spaceship with an easily puncturable hull, but she was still trying to burn his flesh off. Fortunately he was able to dodge, and what he couldn't dodge he blocked with the magic shield Shining gave him.

... Why it had to be pink was beyond him, but hey, it worked.

"I am the relentless spirit of pure light! All shall burn and wither away before me!" She hissed.

"Take that as a no," Shepherd said. He kneeled to block another solar blast, grimacing. She then simply tossed him against the bulkhead, pinning him with her telekinesis. "GAH!"

"Foalish little monkey," she hissed. "Only at the end do you understand..." She trotted up to him. "Your cunning and tricks are no match for me!"

"I guess not," Shepherd said with a shrug. "I do have this though." He drew the sword. Corona Wrath snatched it from him with her magic, and snorted as she held it in front of her face.

"This piece of scrap metal? What is it supposed to do?" She asked mockingly. She turned the sword towards him with a smirk. "Perhaps I shall use it to remove your two best friends."

"For someone who hates humans, you sure reference a lot of our movies," Shepherd said dryly. "Oh, and by the way?" He tapped the transmitter on his headset. Two short tones, then one long one, then one more short tone. "Magic is Friendship... Bitch."

- - - - -

Aboard the Enterprise...

"That's the signal!" Twilight announced. The ponies were strapped in together in spacesuits, their Elements affixed to their suits by way of velcro. They were all strapped in to the airlock, which the Enterprise had turned to face the distant glinting star that was the Harbinger of Peace. "Go for it!"

Dash focused, and her Element lit up like the sun itself. Pinkie's followed, as did Rarity's, Fluttershy's, and Applejack's. Twilight's was last, and her eyes glowed with magical energy. The reason for them to do this outside the spaceship became obvious, as the concentrated magical force shot through space hard enough to make the Enterprise lose several kilometers per second of thrust. The beam would normally have just been displaced throughout the superstructure of the Harbinger of Peace thanks to the vessel's magical defenses... But with the emotional focus of Andrew Shepherd and the sword, it lanced through like a cutting laser.

The sword burst into magical power, spreading like wildfire throughout the ship. Andrew had to shut his eyes and cover them as the light was so bright he was afraid he might go blind. He heard Corona Wrath scream in fury and agony... And then silence. Shepherd slid down to the deck, and lowered his arm. In Corona Wrath's place, laying on the floor with her long hair splayed all over the place... Was Princess Celestia.

... A naked, human Princess Celestia, who looked very woozy.

"Uhh... Sh-Shepherd...?" She managed. Andrew smiled and walked over to her. He kneeled down and checked her pulse.

"Hey... It's okay," he said. "You all right?"

"Better, yes," Celestia said with a nod, and a grimace. "I... Have quite a headache..."

"So... Corona Wrath. What the hell?" Shepherd asked. "And... Why are you a naked woman? I mean... It isn't exactly..." He picked up the sword and helped Celestia up. The Princess smiled.

"Well... To help the Elements, I focused what will I could upon a form that disagreed with Corona Wrath's seething hatred of imperfection," she said. "And well... I guess I ended up like this."

"Wait... You were aware? All this time?" Shepherd asked in disbelief. Celestia nodded.

"Oh yes... Brilliant plan. Using you was unexpected, but brilliant all the same." She smiled warmly. "As was you using the self destruct gambit I had."

"So... What, this isn't real?" Shepherd asked, slamming the hilt of his sword against the big red button. It depressed, and red lights began flashing as alert klaxons blared over the loudspeakers.

"Thank you for pressing the self destruct button... This ship will self destruct in exactly two minutes," a friendly, female voice stated. Shepherd slowly lowered his sword, as Celestia allowed herself a giggle.

"Oh no... Very real," she snickered. "I just... Didn't expect you to push it."

"Ah... Right," Shepherd said with a slow nod. "Let's go."

"Agreed."

Author's Note

Just some fun between two ancient Pony fics.

The Prince - Prequel

It occurs to me that I would have to write how Harry ended up in Equestria... So...

He'd been so miserable. So alone. Starving and trapped. He'd wished with all his might, all of his soul, to be somewhere. Anywhere!

Somewhere he could be loved! Even for a moment!

Then... Something happened. Reality had expanded and then shrunk... And he'd ended up in this strange, cobbled together town. Run by monsters. Talking cats in clothes, part horse, part eagle creatures.

Harry himself... He had changed, too. He couldn't walk, except on all fours. He had wings and a horn.

And he was no better off. He was kept in a cold iron cage, as his captors leered and jeered at him. He backed himself up into a tiny ball, shaking. He was so confused, so scared...

"Heh! Who knew we'd find an alicorn foal out here?" One of the creatures laughed. It rattled the cage, and Harry hid himself behind his wings.

"Must be Celestia's sprog," another snickered, "one of her bastards, maybe. Oh well... She'll pay handsomely fer 'im to be kept in one piece! She'll be gettin' the letter soon!"

The tallest and roughest of the creatures stared in disbelief at his subordinate.

"Wha-You sent the letter?! Where from?!"

"One o' our middle mares, o' course," the outlaw scoffed, "I'm not stupid! I included pictures o' the little tyke, and some o' his fur! Just so she'd know we were serious!"

"Oh," the leader said with a nod, "heh. I was afraid fer a second. Yeah, she moves the sun and moon but she's old, and weak, and-"

Something bright and fiery smashed through the ceiling, and everything around Harry's cage burst into flames. The outlaws turned and screamed. Harry looked up, his eyes going wide and jaw falling to the bottom of his cage.

A winged white horse stood there, tall and powerful. She had a horn in the center of her head, and her mane and eyes burned like fire. Despite the flames around him, neither his captors nor Harry were burning alive. Harry didn't even feel that uncomfortable-Like the flames were warm and kind, but only for him.

"Hello," the horse spoke in a stern female voice, "I believe you are holding one of my ponies hostage. Is that correct?"

"W-W-We," the leader babbled, but a look from the horse made him whimper and cower like Harry had been for the last few days.

"You're very lucky I'm not Luna," the horse stated, "she wouldn't have bothered with announcing herself. She would have killed you all in the most horrifying, painful ways she could imagine, in ways you couldn't see coming. And spoiler warning: She was very creative. Me?"

The horse grinned and her flames burned white hot.

"I'm going to give you fifteen seconds make a choice. Either you hoof over my foal, and then run to the far ends of the planet where you will think long and hard about your lives. Or... I take my foal... And leave you and your entire city as a pile of ash."

The horse's eyes burned into the cowering captors.

"Ten seconds."

In a flash, Harry was out of his cage and being held out by the outlaw leader to the furious horse.

"H-H-Here you are, your royal majesty! Highness! God-Empress!" The leader babbled. Harry felt warm tingles, as he floated in front of the horse. He turned to her in some fear.

Her eyes stopped glowing. Her mane, waving like an out of control wildfire, subsided into a beautiful aurora-like banner. Her eyes became pink, and gentle.

"I'm sorry I scared you, little one," she said softly. There was another flash of gold, and in an instant they were far away. A mountain, covered in waterfalls. A beautiful white and red city straddled the cliffs of the mountain, as the first hint of sunshine began to eke up over the horizon.

The horse set the tiny Harry down. He looked up, trembling. She knelt down, making herself small, looking him right in the eyes as she smiled.

"I'm Celestia... What's your name?" She asked.

"H-Harry," he managed, "Harry Potter..."

Celestia frowned.

"Do you know who your parents are, little Harry?"

Harry shook his head. He looked down at the grassy ground. He was so lost, so confused.

"No. They're dead," he mumbled, "I'm lost... I don't know where I am... Or-Or what I am..."

Aside from a freak, a Dursley-sounding voice in his head taunted.

Celestia nodded, sympathy in her eyes.

"Is it okay if you stay with me then, until we figure it out?" She asked softly.

Harry looked up at her, startled.

"You... You'd look after me?" He asked quietly. "You... You'd want me?

Celestia smiled warmly.

"You need help. And I want to help you," she said.

"But... But why help me?" Harry whispered.

Celestia smiled gently.

"Because it's the right thing to do... And you need help," she said softly.

Harry sniffled. He was crying. He thought he'd stopped crying over everything...

Celestia rested her wings around him, and hugged him tightly. He held on dearly. He'd never been hugged before. Not that he could remember.

"It's going to be all right, I promise," Celestia murmured,

And for the first time in his life, Harry believed an adult when they said that.

Aftermath: Deleted Scene Nightmare Moon Wins

My fic Aftermath had a lot more scenes, but I decided to cut it down to just the essentials. However, here's one that I hope you will enjoy: The perspective of an alternate universe Shepherd. In the Nightmare Moon Wins timeline:

My Queen made me into her Black Knight. Her Magix turned me from a mere human into a living weapon. I could see in the dark, punch through steel, heal from any injury...

Yet every time I returned to this dark palace, I felt more and more tired.

I entered the throneroom, and knelt before My Queen as she sat atop her throne. I removed my helmet as she appraised me.

"Guards, leave us," she ordered. They complied, and she trotted off her throne to look down at me with a satisfied smile.

"My victorious knight returns," Nightmare Moon hissed.

"I wouldn't call losing half our forces and gaining no ground a victory, My Queen," I replied calmly. "Even now, the Allies regroup for another assault on our borders."

Nightmare Moon snorted.

"It is of no concern! All who stand in my way shall fall. It is natural for darkness to triumph over the light! What are they fighting for?"

I looked up, my scarred face staring into her green eyes.

"They are starving," I said simply, "they cannot feed themselves. Their children are dying."

Nightmare Moon snorted, and turned around. I stood up, my voice a bit stronger.

"All they ask is that you grant them the sun. Long enough to-"

"I will do nothing!"

She wheeled around, glaring death at me.

"They want the sun so badly?! They can die!"

"And what of our child? Do you wish her to die too?"

She gaped in astonishment at me. She shook her head.

"I said the discussion on that was closed-"

"Your magical solution didn't work," I argued, "she needs the sun! She's dying-!"

"I SAID SILENCE!"

Her magic lashed out, and I grit my teeth against the pain of the deep cut into my belly. It healed quickly, but the pain wouldn't stop.

Nightmare Moon turned away, and teleported back to her throne in a flurry of shadows. She didn't look at me.

"Attend to your duties, my knight," she stated.

I glared.

"I'll attend to our daughter," I growled, turning and storming out.

Sometimes, it was like I could reach her. But increasingly, she just refused to entertain any ideas but her own.

I couldn't say I loved her, our child notwithstanding. But I felt that maybe, eventually, she could be reasoned with.

I found the nursery. I squinted as I opened the door-a bright UV light was shining in here, illuminating many toys, books and drawings.

"Daddy!"

A little girl reached out from her wheelchair with a bright smile. Her body was humanoid, but her features were equine. Deep blue furry skin, a muzzle instead of a nose, and long pointy ears. Her mane, though dark purple, was curly, like my hair. And her eyes were my shade of green, too.

I stomped over in my heavy armor, and picked her up. I hugged her tightly, feeling her little heartbeat against me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, holding on as she hugged me back.

"Hey sweetie," I said, smiling warmly, "how are you?"

"Nurse Redheart made me have some yucky medicine," my daughter gagged, "and Rainbow Dash played with me!"

"I'm glad to hear it," I chuckled, sitting down with her on her bed, "I'm so glad to hear it..."

In this dark world... There was only one bright spot in my life.

Her mother never forgave me for naming her 'Dawn'... but it fit.

"Will Mommy come to see me?" Dawn asked happily. "I haven't seen her in o long!"

I held back my sigh.

"Mommy's very busy... Sorry sweetheart."

"You're busy. And you see me," Dawn whined.

I laughed softly, and nuzzled the side of her head.

"Mommy's just... A lot busier than I am..."

Dawn moped. I kissed the top of her head.

"It's okay... Let's have some fun, huh?"

Dawn brightened.

"Okay! Get the tea set ready!"

I carried her over to the tea table, and set it all up for her. She happily played, and I dutifully drank my fake tea and conversed with Mister Smarty Bear.

All the time though, my thoughts were dark.

This little patch of light contained all the happiness in my life. And even that might vanish.

I didn't know what to do... But looking down into my daughter's eyes, I knew I had to do something...

Even if it cost me my life... I would make a future for her.

Invasion!

Twilight is having tea with Princess Celestia and Luna. And notices that sometimes their attentions are elsewhere.

Luna: "Fifty for me!"

Celestia: "Fifty-five."

Twilight: "What are you doing?"

Celestia: "Alien invasion. Sixty."

Twilight: "An alien invasion?!"

Luna: "We are dealing with it. Seventy!"

Twilight: "Dealing with it?!"

Celestia: "Yes! I control my sun, and Luna controls her moon. Seventy-five!"

Luna: "As well as the nearby asteroid belts. It's like a shot gun. Eighty!"

Celestia: "Solar death ray is still better. Ninety!"

Twilight: "I... Do we know they are hostile?"

Luna: "Dear Twilight, these are the same alien robots who have been trying to bombard Equestria into rubble with relativistic projectiles for the last thousand years. One hundred and ten!"

Celestia: "Oh yes, Twilight. Of course Luna and I have tried to communicate with them on multiple occasions. But it seems they are actually just robots that believe all organic life in the universe must be exterminated. And naturally we are quite against that. Oh, and... Two hundred!"

Luna: "Damn your eyes! Oh, a moment... One of my projectile swarms has managed to strike one of their mother ships! HAHA! That's four hundred for me!"

Celestia: "Quite impressive, my little sister..." smirk "You are nearly caught up after I had to handle the defense on my own for the last thousand years!"

Luna: "FIE! THAT DOES NOT COUNT!"

Twilight: "... How often does this happen-?"

Celestia: "At least once a century. Sometimes twice, depending on how long the robots take to rebuilt and accelerate back up to a high percentage of the speed of light."

Luna: "Yes. Tis really more annoying than anything else."

Celestia can make her sun emit gigantic laser blasts. Luna can fire off projectiles from her moon at close to the speed of light and control the asteroids nearby. Luna doesn't have to do anything too fancy. Just manipulate the gravity around her moon, yank up some projectiles, accelerate them using her same gravity bending, and then fire them off. Celestia can use the electromagnetic field of her sun to laze the gases in her sun and emit blasts of laser energy as large across as a planet. So between them, Equestria's world is quite well defended.

Twilight though wants to try and make contact with these aliens and maybe find a way to end things peacefully. Will she do it? Time will only tell...