I sat at the bar, watching the corner of the room where Cookey talked to rather… Chunky? no, fat. Fat purple mare with a pink mane. I saw her with him before. After all this time, maybe Cookey finally got himself a marefriend? That would be great. Suddenly he started retreating towards the bar standing tall and with his chin up. No, he just got dumped. Again.
“Fuck her” Cookey spat out before he even sat at his chair next to me.
I smiled, “I don’t know, I'm afraid i’ll get crushed if i do” He looked at me annoyed. “Listen, are you really so desperate that you try to make out with her?” I I nodded my head towards the mare he just talked to.
He raised his wings in frustration. “I’m not desperate… I invited her here and she agreed, and now she’s suddenly not interested, she just told me so. Tell me, what's so wrong with me? Why do mares hate me so much? They either play with my feelings, pretend to like me, just to shatter all my hopes later or just ignore me all together. Fuck them”
“I have no idea, you’re the nicest pegasus I ever met. If I was a mare I would piss myself from happiness if I had a coltfriend like you” Cookey looked at me relieved and smiled a bit. “But, you know you don’t have to force yourself into a relationship to prove something to your brothers. Yeah, they will keep making fun of you but it can’t be worse than ending up with somepony–”
“It’s not about a relationship, they keep making fun of me because,” he looked around and lowered his voice, “I’m still a virgin.”
“So am I, and I’m actually am quite proud of it”
“How can you be proud of that!?”
“Mares are just playing with us, treat us like their servants, like toys. And I'm not gonna be another one of their toys.”
“Yeah, but clearly nobody cares about whether you have a marefriend or not. Unlike my brothers, it got even worse when the last one of them finally found himself a marefriend. Now I'm the only mareless one.”
The barpony noticed our empty cider mugs and approached us.
“Hey, Foam” Cookey spoke to him " Got anything stronger for us?”
"I'll pass, unless it's on you. I don't think i can afford another night like last time"
***
I was walking down a path on the outskirts of Ponyville. It was a detour. My parents didn’t like it when I came back home drunk and late at night, so I planned to sober up a bit before actually heading there. It also gave me a good moment to think. Why didn’t mares like Cookey? He was nice, honest, I would say a bit pathetic, but a mare might call it cuteness. So, why? I don't know. I don’t understand mares at all. I don’t understand how can a mare intentionally give somepony hope, just to dump him later. They have it easier in life, and still, they actively try to make ours miserable. It’s just… Awful. Cookey’s right. Fuck mare–
I felt somepony tap me on my shoulder.
I turned around. A sudden wind swept across my face but… Nopony was there, instead, there was a box. Lying just in front of me.
It wasn’t here before.
I looked around trying to spot anypony in the dark park.
A bench next to the path, a tree, a bush, a little bridge, Nopony.
Who tapped my shoulder?
I looked around again. Still Nopony.
Should I open it?
I carefully lifted the box's lid with my nose and...
Something sprayed across my face.
I closed my eyes, quickly jumped backwards, stumbled and fell on my back, all while trying to wipe my face with my hooves.
“AHAHAHAHAHAH” A familiar laugh rang out from above me. While still laying on my back I opened my eyes and I saw a blue pegasus hovering above me, cringing from laughter.
“Rainbow Dash! What was that?” I asked while getting up, i felt some strange smell and my face felt sticky.
She suddenly stopped laughing, “Whoa.” She landed next to me and began inspecting me closely.
“What?” I asked, and quickly shut my mouth with my hoof.
It wasn’t my voice. It was higher, and smoother?
“AHAHAHAHAHAH” She began laughing again. “No way!”
“What did you do ?!”
she bursted with laughter again. “It turned you into a mare? Now that’s just–”
“A MARE?!” mirror, or water, I need to see myself, I need to see my reflection! I Galloped to the river nearby and put my face close to the water.
My face was… More feminine?! Adrenaline shock and shiver went through my body simultaneously. I turned to face Rainbow Dash, she was holding back a laugh.
“It’s just a prank, don’t worry, it’ll last for an hour at most”
“It’s not funny, what even is this ?!”
“Poison Joke potion, but don’t fret about it, seriously, Twilight said It’ll probably last for a couple hours at most. tomorrow you should be good as new” She inspected me again, and lifted into the air, “kinda hoped for something else, you should have seen what it did to Fluttershy.”
***
I opened my eyes. I was lying in my bed. When I tried to move, I felt a dull pain in my rump… My rump hurts?... Ah yes, I’ve fallen when I tried to climb through my window into my room. I didn't want my parents to see me because I was a mare… I WAS A MARE! I jumped off my bed and trotted to the nearest mirror and looked into it closely. MY HAIR WAS LONGER! I felt a rush of adrenaline, and began pacing on the spot, all while breathing quickly.
CALM DOWN.
CALM DOWN.
Calm down.
okay.
While my legs shaked, I stared at the mirror and tried to note all the differences. My face was just… More feminine. It was supposed to go away in the morning right? That’s what Dash said. Then… Am i gonna stay like that forever?!
“Hey Volley, are you up?” I heard my mother's voice from downstairs. “How was yesterday night?” Then i heard hooves going up the stairs.
SHE’S COMING HERE! SHE CAN’T SEE ME LIKE THIS! I started looking around. Hide? Bed, i can’t fit under it, wardrobe, useless, desk, no, nightstand, no, window, WINDOW! I I jumped my front legs onto the frame and leaned through it. It’s one story high, how did i manage to –
“Hey honey, did you see Volley last night?” The voice was just at my room’s door!
The Hedge!
I jumped, aiming for the hedge that surrounded our house.
Please don't hurt…
I landed, hissed upon feeling dozens of small stings, and stopped moving to not make a sound.
Then I heard somepony opening my room’s door.
“No honey, he’s not here, i thought i heard him” Then my room’s window closed.
I gotta find Rainbow Dash. I thought while still laying in the hedge. But where can she be? I can't just go and look for her, somepony might recognize me.
She might be at her home, but it’s just guessing. She might be at work somewhere, does she even work? I’ve never seen her working except for occasional cloud busting… Maybe Cookey knows? He used to be a member of her fanclub, he’d surely know where she works, or where she lives. I hope he’s home right now. He didn’t live far away, just a couple minutes of trot towards the Ponyville Centre, so I got going right away. It’s not like I had any other bright ideas in mind, I mean, I could ask Dash’s friends soooo, who? Twilight Sparkle? She lives literally in the centre of Ponyville, same for Miss Rarity, Fluttershy lived on the outskirts, but on the other side of the city. Pinkie Pie? No, she won’t recognize me and probably would just throw me a welcome party. Hmm I guess that’s all of them, Cookey it is.
After a short time I arrived at his home, and began throwing small pebbles at his room’s window. He lived with his parents and brothers. So it was the only logical way to get to him while avoiding his family. Some of his brothers, or his parents might recognize me, additionally , I glanced at my flank just to make sure, I still had the same cutie mark.
Cookey’s window opened and he slid out his head to check what’s going on. I waved my hoof and signalled to him to come down to me. Then a second head popped out, and a third. I froze on the spot.
“What’s going on? Cucky! Is it some lover of yours? HAHAHAHAHA” One of the heads began.
Uff, they didn’t recognise me.
“No!, that’s…” He looked at me, a bit shocked.
“Aww Cuckey are you ashamed of something?” The second head added.
“Maybe he’s a faggot? That would explain why he still doesn’t have a mare.” Now a voice from inside the room joined them
“Leave him the fuck alone you retards. Are you faggots getting bullied at school that need to take it out on him or what? You didn’t have a mare until just a week ago.” The fourth, oldest sounding voice from inside cut them out.
“C’mon you know it’s just jokes” the third voice replied justifyingly.
“It’s getting fucking annoying if you do it all the time you know?”
***
I explained to him everything. After staring at me gracefully with his mouth open for a couple minutes, he went back, grabbed some clothes for me to hide my 'new' body and we got going. We cantered next to each other towards the city, he led the way but he took a glance at me every now and then.
“Are you staring at my flanks?”
“No…” He quickly averted his gaze.
"I saw it."
"It was just a glance"
“Equestria to Cookey here, it’s me Volley, I'm a stallion remember?”
He didn’t respond, just walked forward and looked around as if reflecting on what to say.
I began looking around too, Cookey said it’s the shortest way to Dash’s home. It led through Ponyville's very busy shopping area, but i was willing to take the risk, better to show myself do Dash as soon as possible. I saw shops with furniture, tools, construction materials, plants, a ladder shop, and Miss Rarity’s boutique.
“It’s not gay, I’m not a fag.” Cookey murmured to himself
“What?”
“You know, it’s not gay.” He glanced at me, and then at my flanks, and then quickly at me again, “ looking at your rump.”
“Cookey, this is fucking serious, I might stay like that forever! It’s no time for such bullshit.” I made a pause to let that sink in. “But yes, it is gay.” I added.
“You literally have a mare’s body, how is it gay?”
“Because you know I'm a stallion”
“Being gay is being aroused by stallions. And–”
“And i am a–”
“And Stallion is a pony with a dick and balls. Now do you have either of them?”
Damn it, he got me.
“Doesn’t change that it’s weird you horny ass bastard!”
As we walked in silence for a moment, I turned my head away from Cookey, signalling that I don't want to continue this conversation. I looked at the crowd on the market square and amongst it I saw Miss Rarity. My heart beat faster. Classy and elegant as always, she was blinking cutely and making an innocent face to some salespony. She must have been negotiating something and was using her grace to her advantage. With such a face, she must have it so easy in life. Most mares probably have it easy. Especially when there’s always a lot of horny stallions ready to do anything they ask them to do. I realised it when I stopped being one of those stallions.
We left the shopping district and turned into a quiet street.
Then I heard a very distinctive sound.
Boing, Boing, Boing.
The sound of Pinkie Pie pouncing somewhere near.
I jumped into the nearest alley I saw.
This was bad, if she sees me like that, she’s gonna think i’m a newcomer and will throw me one of her welcome parties!
Boing
Boing
“What are you doing?” Cookey stopped and turned to face my hiding spot
Boing
“SShhh” I put my front leg around his neck and pulled him into the alley
Boing.
She’d definitely invite my parents to the party.
Boing… She stopped
My heart began beating faster as we waited. She'd probably invite all my friends too.
Boing
Boing
Boing
Boing.
I breathed out, and then noticed that Cookey’s head stayed pressed against my chest as I pulled him. That smug bastard was blushing.
I’ve gotta get my old body back.
As we continued our walk, Cookey looked at me a couple times, like he wanted to tell me something, but didn’t have the courage to. I just hoped he didn't get any ideas in that alley.
***
When we neared Dashe’s house I got a closer look at it. It was a castle suspended two ponies high in the air made entirely out of clouds. It definitely looked cool, I don't know about its functionality though. I also heard some rattling. What was that? As we got closer it became louder, and clearer.
“It’s her, she’s sleeping.” Cookey dispelled my doubts.
“Let’s wake her up then.” i took a deep breath, “RAINBOW DAAAASH”
The snoring didn’t stop
“RAINBOW DAAAAAASH”
The snoring persisted.
“Damn it, why does it have to be suspended so high?”
“You wouldn’t be able to come inside anyway, it’s made of clouds. You’d just fall through the floor”
“Okay, then you go and wake her up”
Cookey looked at me with a smug smile. “Only if you kiss me later."
"Yea, what else? Maybe sit on your face too? Cookey I beg you, we– I don't have time for this!"
He shrugged with a rather dreamy smile and got into the air. After he landed, Cookey grabbed the doors and wrestled with them for a while.
“It’s locked”
“Uuurghh. Can't you drop me through the roof or something?”
“I could, but you would have to fall directly onto her or you would fall all the way to the ground, and the roof’s pretty high. And you'd definitely have to sit on my face in return for something like this."
Ugh.
What should I do now?
Cookey landed next to me and put a hoof on my shoulder. “You know we can just wait until she wakes up”
Wow, he's gotten touchy.
I shrugged his hoof off me. “I don’t want to wait any second longer. What if it is irreversible by then?”
I can sat on my rump and listened. From the snoring i could hear that she is sleeping somewhere on the lowest floor. If i just could get high enough to grab her through the floor or something. I would need, i don’t know, a ladder? Yes, a ladder. Yeah. We passed a ladder shop on our way here.
He put his foreleg around my neck. “Okay, but, since we can do nothing but wait… uhhh, since you’re gonna stay a mare for a while longer…” He began approaching me, then glanced at my flanks, and back at me, and then at the ground. “Will you… Can we… Can we have sex?”
I stood up instantly and turned to face him, “what the fuck?!” I saw his half pleading, half embarrassed look. “You’re actually being serious?”
“Oh come on, don’t be like that.”
Cookey wants to have sex with me? I mean I knew he found me hot but…
“A-aren’t you curious how sex feels for a female?” he continued upon seeing no reaction of me.
Actually, he might have a point. I am kinda curious… No. No, no, no, no. What the fuck am i even thinking. “NO!”
“Pleaseee, you said you would want a coltfriend like me, ple-”
“STOP!… You sound like a, like a foal begging for candy!.
“Pleeeeease, my brothers would finally get off my back. You heard what I gotta put up with at home!”
"Just lie to them!"
"I caan't they ask me all these specific questions, and they just know when i'm lying! Pleease!"
“Stop, seriously!”
“PLEASE, I’LL DO ANYTHING!”
Now that's just pathetic.
“Stop acting like a dog. They beg just like that when they’re horny,”
“I’ve never seen a horny dog, so that must work just fin–”
“You’re not a fucking dog! And neither am i!” I turned around towards Ponyville and heard a screech from behind me.
“Aaaah why are you teasing me then, you monster.”
“I’m going to ponyville for a ladder. You fucking stay here and wait for Dash to wake up.” But before I got going, I stretched and lifted my rump upwards. Just to mess with him.
“That’s just cruel you know”
I smiled. Cookey, more like Coomey
***
We were close to the shopping district. After leaving a note on Dash’s door, Cookey flew after me, so I couldn't get a break from him.
“- so, i just don’t understand why won’t you at least let me kiss you”
Now I understand why every mare he’s been with ditched him. He’s so fixated about proving something to his brothers, that he doesn't notice that all he talks about is sex.
“Because you’re. A. Stallion!”
“Even on the cheek?” He looked at me with puppy’s eyes.
It’s not his fault, but, since i became a mare he’s been so fucking annoying it’s incredible. It’s like his penis had its own brain, which, when activated, only emitted one signal to the rest of the body, and tha signal is: Sex sex sex sex sex NOW.
We stopped in front of the ladder shop. “Listen, okay. If you…” I looked around for inspiration: A market, various shops, tents , City hall, pigeons. “I’m actually hungry, so, if you get me some food. I don't know, a hayburger, then maybe, maybe I'll change my mind about a kiss.”
His eyes flashed with hope and he flew away at once. I kinda felt bad for giving him false hope. Huh, and I used to hate mares for doing that, and now? I’m doing the same.
Boing
Boing
Oh no…
I rushed into the store.
It was… really big for a ladder store. A few workers were walking between the aisles filled with, you guessed, ladders. Two employees noticed me at the same time.
They looked at each other, and began what I thought was a competition.
Who will be the first to approach me without running.
They both started from the same distance.
One of them was taller, his longer legs gave him an advantage over his shorter rival.
They went head to head, but Halfway through, I noticed that the tall one would be first.
I looked at him with the corner of my eye, waiting for him to come.
But then, suddenly.
“Can I help you, miss?” A third employee asked from behind me.
What a twist.
The two stallions still headed towards me, but the tall one passed me like I wasn't there. They then met, shook their hooves energetically, and started greeting each other happily.
What a twist.
“Oh, yes, akhem, I would like to borrow a ladder.”
“Borrow?” He asked emotionlessly.
“Yes, I need one, but only for a moment, so I figured it would be better if I just borrowed one.”
“I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t borrow ladders any more.” His face showed no emotion either
“What? Why?”
He pointed at a paper taped to a wall with something written on it. It read:
Since the fire incident on 23.06.1003 borrowing ladders from the shop’s stock is strictly forbidden!
“What incident?”
“I’d.. Rather not talk about it.” He looked at the paper “I’ll just say that, sometimes, you think you know someone, but one day they borrow a ladder, and it turns out you didn’t know them at all…”
How do you even start a fire with a ladder?
“Poor Vanilla… She had to–”
I’m not exactly at the money right now, buying a ladder would leave me with almost nothing.
“Are you sure you can’t do anything?”
“No.”He just looked at me in silence, waiting for something. “Now if you excuse me, I've got to re-organise ladders in alley 6.”
I remembered Miss Rarity at the market today, maybe i could do something similar?
“Wait.” I shouted to the employee, he stopped and turned towards me.
Come on, be cute.
“I’m sure such… Professional as yourself could…”
Be innocent!
“ Could do something to make a mare’s life a bit easier?”
Puppy eyes, NOW!
“Right?”
Blink cutely, NOW!
He stood before me unmoving, probably wondering what to do.
Yes! Succes!
Then, he sighed, and used his magic to strengthen his voice. “Manager required at the shop’s entrance. Talk to the manager.” Then he trotted away.
Why isn’t there a horny stallion ready to do whatever I want when I need one? Maybe some other employee here will be more willing to help.
***
I will definitely charge Dash for my new ladder.
"You said you're hungry. Maybe we'll sit for a moment and eat?" Cookey offered.
"Nuh Thammkh, I wamnph to gef twiff donm af fast aff poffibwe."
"Say again?"
I opened my mouth and let the ladder fall on the ground
"I want to get this done as fast as possible."
"Nothing's gonna change in 5 minutes, and the hayburger's are getting cold."
I heard my stomach rumble. Well I haven't eaten since last night, and it's afternoon already, but i was so close to having my body back to normal.
"Okay, if you'll carry the ladder, i'll eat while walking."
"I was hoping that we could sit somewhere and eat in peace…"
"Stop trying to make out with me!" I bent down to grab my new ladder.
He stomped on it with his hoof.
"what's that supposed to mean?”
"Volley, I-I don't know how much of my brothers I can bear. So…"
"So what?"
"So I'm afraid I'm no longer asking. Kiss me, and you'll get the ladder."
I'm gonna buck him in his fucking teeth.
Rage and adrenaline took over my body, as i began to approach him
“Hey, Stop, don’t make such a big deal out of it.”
I didn’t stop
“Calm down, i see what you’re–”
He was within range. I turned my back to him and kicked with both my rear legs.
He must have evaded it, I didn't kick anything. When I turned my head to where he was, I saw him up in the air, hovering a couple metres above ground. We looked at each other.
The ladder’s free, I can take it now.
When I grabbed it in my mouth, I saw him suddenly diving right into me.
I let go of the ladder to evade, but he was too quick. He crashed into me and we both slid together a couple metres while struggling. I punched and kicked blindly. I hit him somewhere with my foreleg, then with my elbow, but he was behind my back, trying to lock me. He pressed me to the ground with my belly, grabbing my foreleg, stretching it downwards, and pulling it towards himself, towards my back. It hurt. He began pulling it further back until I stopped struggling. The hopelessness of this situation just hit me. He was clearly stronger and had me locked. I felt a wave of desperation and helplessness go through me, my eyes well up with tears. I began hitting the ground with my hoof in frustration while moaning. And started crying.
“Fuck. What am I doing?” he let go of my foreleg, and stopped pressing me to the ground. I instantly got up to my hooves, but he was not there. He flew away.
***
He waited for me under Dashe’s house. As soon as he saw me, he probably wanted to start apologising, but I raised my foreleg signalling him that he didn't have to .He stopped himself, but come on, there are things that you just don’t do.
The snoring was still going.
“You think this ladder will go through the floor?” I asked Cookey
He nodded positively.
I Closed my eyes, listening carefully, then i spun a couple times to build up speed and the ladder through the floor above us in the direction I heard the snoring coming from.
“Ouch! What the”
“RAINBOW DASH!”
Whoosh
She suddenly landed next to us.
“Do you mind explaining why you’re destroying my house!?”
“Do you mind telling me why am I still a mare?!”
“What!?” She began looking around frantically “O-Okay, D-DON”T PANIC! Stay right here. I-I'll be back in a second”
Whoosh, she flew away.
We looked at each other and waited for a short while.
“Listen Volley, I really, really am sorry.” Cookey said, looking at the ground.
“I’m sorry too. I actually thought for a moment that you were gonna rap–”
Whoosh
“Come here, quickly! I’ll fly you to Twilight!” Dash shouted
She grabbed me with all her legs and launched into the sky.
***
I didn't know Twilight had a laboratory under her tree.
"You did WHAT?!"
"Yeah, okay Twilight i'm sorry! But can we save that for-"
"How could you think it's a good idea to take my unfinished po-"
"Twilight PLEASE, you've-"
"POISON JOKE POTION!"
"Twilight! You've got to help Volley over here! You can scream at me later!"
Twilight looked at me, and her face expression softened.
"Of course, I'm sorry. Don't worry, i've already managed to make the serum"
She floated a vial of some blue liquid towards me. Without thinking, I drank the contents right away.
"Hey, i'm sorry you had to go through all that. Are we good?" Rainbow Dash asked me.
I nodded positively, "yeah, it's fine. I actually learned something because of it."
Twilight raised her eyebrows and smiled "Oh yeah? Maybe you'd want to write a letter to Princess Celestia about what you learned?"
"Thank you, but i'd prefer to keep it to myself."
No. No way. Defenetely not writing about it.
Author's Note
Kinda more serious than i wanted it to be, but what are you gonna do right?