Know That I Lived

The young elk's heart felt uneasy as he stepped into the dim sunlight of a cloudy day. 'Twere it any other day, the cool breeze and the scent of musty wet dirt from a distant yet-to-arrive rain would've acted as pleasant companions to his usual grouchy disposition. He was never the sunny-side type anyhow and far enjoyed the comforts of a moody sky. But today, as normal as everything seemed to be, had a lingering feeling that seemed to give an uncomfortable pit to his stomach. Like a somberness that seemed to linger within the breeze, of sorts.

Maybe the air was just a tad bit too cold, as it chilled him to the bone and gave him goosebumps along his forelegs making the hairs on his coat stand on end. Maybe the wind itself was just a tad bit too strong, as the trees lurched and bent at the strength of its pull in a mesmerizingly synchronous way, beckoning almost menacingly as they threatened to break from the strength of that invisible gale. And maybe, despite the loud rustling of trees by said wind, it was all just a tad bit too quiet. No birdsong, no sight of friendly animals or monsters alike, not even any noise from the neighboring town of Ponyville.

It all just added up to feel like a premonition. An omen, as his grandfather used to put it, never by mistake. Like the very world itself was trying to tell him something important. Something serious.

But he was not the superstitious sort either. Despite living in a very magical world and all, he hated the ideas of preternatural laws. As far as he was concerned, the powers of Fate and Magic could go shove it. Nothing had ever changed his belief that there was no higher power in control of things, and that the only ones capable of carving a true and worthwhile future was us, ourselves, and not some invisible hand governed by unfeeling gods.

Still, what was it about natural weather that seemed so otherworldly? It's a bit contradictory, since this was the most natural the weather could get in this world of ponies and magic. Just like everyone in his family before him, he had purposely chosen to live within the pockets of Equestria who were still bound to a natural cycle since it felt the most "homely" in a way. His home was a small little cabin in the middle of the Everfree Forest, and although the forest itself was magical in many ways, it still had the most reminiscent weather he could remember from his youth when he lived back on Earth, the world of mankind.

Both back then and now, he felt himself sharing that same feeling when being met by the sensations of a day like this. In seeing the winds pick up stronger and stronger, he looked up towards the illusively fast dark clouds as they floated on by, only imagining what their speeds could be considering how faintly and slowly they move on an idle sunny day. It had a way of shrinking him. That no matter how much he did or how big he got in life, that the world itself was still spinning in ways he could not fathom. So how absurd was it then that he could not imagine a greater power the likes of fate?

In truth, it wasn't that he could not. It's that he would not. Bowing to the ideas of fate, to him, felt like being a puppet in a world were he wanted the greatest autonomy an individual could have. Freedom to live and die as one pleased. If it had been up to him, he would never have so much as grazed any 'fateful encounters' if he could've helped it. And despite all his abject denial of them, they still found their way to him on occasion, boomeranging back again and again frustratingly so.

Or such was his thoughts as he saw the familiar face of a grown pegasus mare who'd barely reached her twenties approaching him fast from the distance. Her peach-colored coat, light blue curled mane, and freckled white spots around her red eyes were unmistakable. His brows furrowed as she skidded to a stop right in front of him, her expression jovial all over like the good-natured saintess she was not. It was nothing about her troubling personality that he disliked about her. He had known her for over ten years now, and looking past her flawed components just came natural for two creatures who'd interacted as much they had. What it was that he didn't like was simply as to how they met, and the fact that she would not stop calling it the work of fate.

Beyond that, the whole pony race just didn't sit well with him and he would've preferred not having to interact with them either. Don't get him wrong. He didn't hold an ounce of contempt for them. Instead, he viewed them on with pity. Slaves to the whims of fate and magic. Their happiness banked on them. Hell, even their very physical health was somehow intrinsically tied to them. Being drained of magic, as he witnessed on several occasions, would reduce them to a depressive and weak state. And when they were deprived of their fate? Well, without the marks on their flanks to guide them, they'd lose to apathy and would become miserable in turn. That was evident by the Starlight incident, by the exploits of the Crusaders, and by a number of individuals who grew distant from their marks.

So understand that for him, the sight of that strikingly red rook symbol on this mare's flank was just an eyesore, if only perhaps because of where his headspace began that morning with thoughts about his hatred for fate. It served to remind him how much he disliked this world in general, what with its magical creatures and machinations.

Seeing the annoyed creases on his face as his bushy white eyebrows dug inward to show his discontent made the mare look more amused as a result. "Well, someone's quite grumpy this morning. I thought this weather was just your kind of thing. Where's that smile then?" She cooed with sarcasm.

The young elk grunted his displeasure and turned to go fetch his trusty yoke attached with two buckets at both ends in order to drape it over his shoulders so as to get ready for his day by grabbing the daily water he needed from a nearby stream. All while the mare followed quietly, humming to herself nonchalantly as though that grunt and cold shoulder didn't mean 'Go away, I'm busy'.

"You got something you need of me, Cozy?" He finally asked with exasperation clear in his tone after setting the yoke down upon reaching the stream's lip, which was only a small trotting distance from his home. The water level and the current's flow were higher and stronger than usual thanks to the recent rain.

It was unusual for her to stick around this long, and it only ever happened when she was on important business. This was entirely unlike how she was as a child, having been stuck to him like a persistent wad of gum that threatened to rip up the place she'd stuck to if she were to be removed. He learned that hard lesson a few times before finally giving up, and before she finally grew up and out of that habit. Perhaps she had simply grown tired of him at some point or another. He would never know if he never asked.

Cozy thought about his question for a bit before finally noticing she'd completely forgotten what she was even there for. "Yes. This is a stick-up. Give me all the magic you have on hoof, with haste." Cozy proceeded to grab the nearest cypress with her mouth and hold it up to his throat as though it were some form of deadly weapon. Their long history together had made her the only other creature alive with the ability to make him smile. With one quick snort of amusement, the corners of his mouth pursed up into what looked to be one.

"Alright, it's all yours for the taking." He played along by holding out his foreleg to her, which she proceeded to quickly latch onto to inspect. She glanced it once, twice, thrice over, and then made a show of annoyingly tossing it aside.

"Nothing. Typical. How a creature devoid of any magic can exist in this world is beyond me." She sighed while shaking her head.

"So what do you really need then, Cozy? I'm guessing you didn't come here just to relive your wasted youth trying to chase after something that's not there."

"I came today as a favor to you. Oh don't give me that look. I can be nice sometimes too. Nice...ish anyways." She said in response to his unamused expression. "Well, you more than anyone should know I'm not lying. What with those freaky eyes of yours. 'No magic' my flank." From the saddlebags she'd been carrying with her, she pulled out a small rectangular envelope. "See? I got a personal letter addressed for you."

"Personal letter? Not official correspondence from the Princess like usual?" His bushy brows furrowed again with a troubled look.

"Yep, personal letter. Although it arrived with none of the sender's information. Miss. Doo said that it just appeared one day and that she has been meaning to give it to you for a while. But you can't blame her for the late delivery since you're hard to reach, what with your oh-so welcoming personality and house in the middle of a dangerous forest and all. I decided to take it off of her hooves and deliver it you personally. Curtesy of being the only pony who actually knows you."

"Alright, I get it. I'm hard to love. Can I please see that letter now?" She turned her head away from him, audibly pouting as she did so. "Please?" With one of her wings, she flicked it towards his general direction, letting the strong wind carry it directly into his face as if it were an insult to injury. "And sincerely, thank you for going out of your way for me, Cozy."

"See, that's all you had to say from the start." Her smile returned with a mischievously toothy grin.

"It's strange. I've never gotten a personal letter before. You're the only pony or even creature I know on a personal level who would want to write to me. And you're the type to tell me what you're thinking to my face rather than write a letter." He spoke his thoughts out loud as he made a grab for the small envelope latched onto his small antlers after the wind almost blew it away a second time.

"Dead to rights. So who is it from?" She looked over his shoulders curious as all get out.

The lettering on the outside of the envelope clearly read: 'To Víss ør-grandr' in the common pony tongue, which made the contents of the letter that much more bewildering to look at. To begin with, it wasn't a regular letter at all. The paper that was used for it was much thicker and coated with a sort of glossy water resistant layer. It was a rather small rectangle and it only had one hole stamped right through the middle at the very top from which a red wool string had been weaved into and tied up so that it could hang. Beyond that, the paper was ornately colored and gilded with reds and metallic golds.

Víss immediately knew who it was from as soon as he had unveiled it, without having to read any of the words on it. His deeply amber eyes fell with a sadness to them and his eyebrows moved into a position that Cozy had never seen from him. For as long as she'd known him, she knew him to be a usually stoic, usually grumpy buck with the slightest capacity to joke and be happy at times. But never, not once, had she EVER seen him look even one bit sad.

To understand how world-shattering this was to Cozy, you have to imagine them as siblings, with Víss being her older brother. What initially began as an attempt to steal his supposed 'power', eventually evolved into a nurtured dependence on her part. She learned pretty early on that Víss had nothing in the way of magic or power to give, as he was one of, if not the only magic-less creatures in the entire world. But by that time, their relationship had progressed to the point where Víss was actively giving her a roof over her head. Talking her through sleepless nights. Comforting her when she'd needed to cry. Taking responsibility for the mistakes and wrong-doings she'd commit on occasion. Standing up for her when it seemed like the world was against her. Putting up with all her tantrums. Waiting late into the night for her to return home after a heated argument between them had made her run away. Giving her the exact life advice she needed at every moment when she needed it most.

Víss was the kind of rock and support someone like her needed in a time where she was the most impressionable and vulnerable.

For ten long years since they met, he'd been there for her. The distance that she had been actively trying to cultivate from him now was more of a result of what she believed to be what was best for him. Víss was the reason why she had quelled her power-hungry ways ever since she was small. It had taken a lot for him to fix and balance out her nature over the years, and Cozy had seen first-hoof the kind of sacrifices he had to make in order to make that happen. She knew that he much preferred to be alone, so taking her in all that time ago was actively subtracting from his daily life. She knew that the job he took on was only to pay for all the mistakes that she had made, as much as Víss hated working it. So more than anything, Cozy knew she could not remain dependent on him forever...

Although she was never likely to admit it with words, she cared about him and thought so highly of him for as long as she could remember. Knowing all about Víss as she did, she knew she didn't need to spell it out to him anyways. He could easily guess as much with his two eyes.

The only thing Cozy never could've imagined was that those same two eyes could shed tears from them.

She looked back towards the letter to read what had been written in it after noticing that Víss could not look away from it, a small stream of tears flowing down into his dark brown coat. It was ultimately a fruitless endeavor for her, as the letter was written in a language she'd never seen before. While the symbols bore some resemblance to Rockhoof's home language, if it had been just that much, she could've easily read it considering she'd become fluent in it after listening to so many of his tales.

"Víss...? Is something wrong?" She asked him with the gentlest tone she could muster, which is something she rarely did considering what kind of character she was.

The young elk only ignored her as he seemed to read the letter over and over. There weren't that many symbols in that letter, so he must have been agonizing over every single word within it. He seemed to almost snap out of the hold the letter had gotten him into when Cozy placed a hoof onto him in order to comfort him, and just as immediately as he had snapped out of it, he moved away from that helping hoof.

"I thought I had more time..." He murmured underneath his breath. He looked over to Cozy who was staring at him with intense worry plastered all over. He brought a hoof over to his coat to feel the moisture of his tears sticking to it around his face, and finally realized the kind of involuntary reactions he'd just made. "I'm... sorry, Cozy. Uhm. Can you leave me alone for today? I need to gather my thoughts." Without another word, he proceeded to walk back to his cot, leaving the yoke and mare behind.

Cozy's immediate thought was to follow and question him there and then. Just what was in that letter? What could possibly make someone like Víss even remotely sad? As she tried to open her mouth and move her limbs forward to do just that, strangely, she found that she could not. Her mind and her body were not in agreement. But why? She loved Víss like family, and it was important to her to know more about what was hurting him. She wanted to be there for him. So then why? Why did her legs fail her then?

Her opportunity vanished along with Víss as he disappeared into his cot. Even at that very moment, Cozy was still fighting with herself. For as civil as she could act nowadays, she was still very much the brazen girl she'd always been. In her mind, she had no problems with kicking down his door and forcing him to speak about all of it, his wishes for privacy be damned. But the reality was that she could not force a single hoof towards that wooden cabin. Somehow, it was like Víss had erected an invisible barrier.

With a heavy heart, she departed towards the town of Ponyville where she could ask a friend for a place to stay for the night. She was angry and troubled by the idea that there were still things she did not know about him. Deeply frustrated with herself, Cozy swore to uncover all of the young elk's secrets come daybreak of the following morning.

But more than anything, deep inside, she recognized her sincerest wish.

She just wanted to know that Víss would be okay.