Clone Colt Coitus.

by Triple-Rainbow

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Cadance, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1149

Twilight and Cadence have a civilized discussion about the moral and practical age old question…

Twilight and Cadence have a civilized discussion about the moral and practical age old question… If a clone of Shining Armor played with himself, would it be incest or masturbation?

Shining Armor wants no part in this discussion. And neither does Shining Armor.

Deviant Art Link for cover.

Published 2022-11-12 14:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-11-12 14:10:00 UTC

Incest or Masturbation.

Shining Armor always felt relaxed when he drank a hot cup of tea. The warm and gentle flavor would sooth him after a bad day.

“It’s not masturbation if it’s somepony elses dick in his plot, Cadence!”

It was a simple pleasure that he only gave himself on rare occasions, as to not grow too accustomed to the taste or comfort. Of course, being the ruler of an ancient Empire had made it more difficult to resist the temptation of tea on a daily basis, but he had the mental willpower and fortitude to perceiver.

“But it’s his dick! He’s literally pleasuring himself!”

Except for today, since he had already gone through nearly a gallon of tea with his doppelgänger.

“No, because they’re two separate individuals! While they may be the same on a biological level, they’re two different stallions!”

"Ah-ha! So you admit they're the same!"

"No! That's not how cloning works. He's a copy of Shining, so of course there's going to be some differences between an original and their copy."

“But it’s a clone! It’s literally the same pony! Right, Shiny?” Cadence asked, earning a silent glare from both stallions.

“… I think she’s talking to you,” his new brother deadpanned.

“Aren’t we ‘literally the same?” Shining grumbled, earning an eye role from Cadence.

“Ugh, fine, I’m sorry. You’re my husband, Shining, of course you’re different from him.”

“Thank—”

“But if you’d fuck him you’d totally be jerking off!”

“It’s incest!” Twilight shouted, bringing the pair back into their feud as the two Shining Armor’s tuned them out.

All they could do was sip their tea as the two immortal ponies tried to talk the other to death.

“So… How long do you think they’ll argue about this for?” The second Shining asked.

“About a day, you?”

“Mhm. Same," he shrugged, taking another sip of tea as he watched the ensuing chaos unfold.

“… So… What are we gonna do after this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know… About you? Like, having two of us around is gonna be weird. It feels... Wrong to give a clone life and then get rid of it.”

“Well, yeah, but I wouldn’t disappear. I mean, you’re the clone.”

“Um, no, you are,” Shining Armor said, pointing a hoof at Shining Armor.

“… Hey Twilight!” Shining called out, drawing his sister and wife out of their argument.

"What? I'm in the middle of—”

“Yeah, I know, but this is more important. Twi, which one of us is the real Shining Armor?”

… … …

Silence. Pure, untainted, horrifying silence.

“Um… Well, of course I know who the real Shining Armor is,” Twilight lied, causing the pair of Shining Armor’s to turn to each other.

Being a perfect copy of the original, both Shining and his clone, whichever one of them it might have been, had only one thought on their minds.

“It’s incest/It’s masturbation!” They both shouted, each one rushing to hide behind their sister and wife respectively.

“Twilight, you’re absolutely right, it’d definitely be incest!” Shining proclaimed, pointing an accusing hoof at his twin. “I mean, just look at him! We’re clearly related on some level, so it counts, because he’s the clone.”

“First, I’m not the clone, and second, of course it’d be masturbation! The definition is ‘self-pleasure’. Right Cady?” He asked his, or the other Shining’s, wife. “I mean come on, you’re the Princess of Love, so of course you’d know what the answer would be. So, let’s hurry this up, get rid of my clone, and end this argument. Congrats, you won, end of story,” he quickly rattled off, ducking behind his wife's wing as the other Shining peeked around his sister sheild.

“Hey! We’re not done yet!” He shouted, causing the pair of princesses to flinch under his glare. “Twi, you’ve read pretty much every book in Canterlot and half of the Empire’s library. If anyone has the upper hoof in this argument it’s you. I get it, Cadence, you’re the Princess of Love, but Twi's the smartest pony I know.”

“You’ve only known her for an hour!” The Shining that hid behind Cadence’s wings yelled back. “Cady, let’s shelve this conversation for another time. Just tell Twilight to get rid of him and we’ll, I don’t know, run a poll about it.”

“Cadence isn’t the boss of Twilight, right Twi?”

“I-uh-W—” Twilight stuttered, only stopping when she heard the other Shining shout at them.

“Hey! This is out Empire, our rules. Besides, if I was the clone, then why would you hide behind Twilight, huh? A husband always sides with his wife.”

“Except when his wife is clearly wrong. Cadence, I love you, but you have to admit that we’re not the same Shining. He’s different compared to me, you even admitted it!”

“Only because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings! Cady, it’s okay to say we’re the same, I won’t be offended.”

“I will though. Cady, just come over here and we can put this behind us.”

“Don’t you order my wife around!”

“Don’t call her your wife!” Shining Armor shouted at himself, stepping around Twilight to march towards his twin as the other Shining mirrored his movements.

“Listen here,” they simultaneously stated, drawing closer to each other until their horns finally clashed. “I’m the the real Shining!"

"You really don't want to do this, bud. Remember, I was the Captain of the Guard."

"You're a second rate captain at best, and that's only because you're a copy of the best," Shining Armor growled, letting their horns glow with a violent pulsing energy.

Before Twilight or Cadence could even try to separate the two stallions, a blinding flash of light filled the room, leaving nothing but scorch marks in their place as a flurry of distant explosions filled the castle.

Twilight’s gaze slowly rose to meet Cadence’s, giving her Sister-in-Law a meek smile. “Um… I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

It had taken less than half an hour for the castle to stop shaking from the thunderous clashes, and when it did Cadence and Twilight had started to follow the carnage to find Shining Armor.

At least, they hoped it would be Shining Armor. In all honesty, they hoped that they would even find a Shining Armor. The other issues and implications could wait until they would find them.

Thankfully, it hadn't taken much time to find Shining Armor, hearing his faint groans seep past a heavy set of bedroom doors. With growing concern and hesitance, the two princesses slowly peeked inside the room, hearing the groans rise into audible moans.

Time seemed to crawl to a stop as they watched the two stallions "wrestle" for dominance inside.

The princesses quietly closed the door, letting the silence wash over them as they slowly backed away from the bedroom.

They left with many questions and no satisfying answers.