"Come to Ponyville," they said... "it will be EASY!" they said...
Caper and his pal ducked down an alley, just in time to elude the trio of cops on their tails. "That was close, Caper!" huffed Mugger. "Them flathooves almost caught us that time!" His friend didn't bother to answer, only went cautiously back to the mouth of the alley and peered around the corner.
"Looks clear," he finally said. He turned his attention to the disappointingly small bag of bits he carried, the only swag they'd been able to hang onto from their latest break-in. Caper frowned. He must be slipping, because there was a time when a simple alarm like that last rich old mare's home had wouldn't have given him any trouble at all...they'd have been in and out with nopony the wiser, and would have gotten away with a ton of more loot! His contact had told him she'd been a distrustful recluse, who'd kept her wealth out of banks, so they'd expected a huge score when they'd finally broken into the hidden safe.
Only to find a measly, paltry, flea-bitten bag that had obviously seen better days. He gave the bag a shake, as his expert ear told him without needing to count it had less than twenty bits in it, making his mood all the worse. He and his so-called "expert contact" would be having some words later.
Some choice words indeed.
His mood didn't improve when his partner-in-crime asked, "So, how much did we get?"
"Not nearly enough," Caper grumbled, shifting the meager bag to one of his own inside pockets. "C'mon, let's go get a drink. I could use one." Keeping to the shadows, they soon made their way down dusty back alleys and dimly lit streets to one of the shadier parts of town. Only the most ruff-and-tumble ponies and creatures frequented this area (if they were smart) so at this point, they both relaxed as they continued on to their favorite watering hole, The Guilded Rose. The name belied the actual bar, as it was one of the most filthy, violent, and disgusting places in the entire city.
It also served the best quesadillas.
Standing at the entrance was a new bouncer, a Minotaur, whom neither had seen before. He stood with veiny, well-muscled, tattoed arms crossed, glaring down at them through dark sunglasses. "What do youse two want?"
Caper craned his neck up and up, and put on his most winning smile. "Why, to enter this fine establishment, my good Sir! I assure you both I and my companion are constant regulars! Now, be a good fellow and step aside." He made to enter but the bouncer blocked his way.
"Nuh uh. I ain't seen youse before, an' nocreature gits in wifout payin''," he smiled a rather greasy smile down at them both.
Caper sighed. "And...how much would this...fee...be?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
The Minotaur's smile grew even wider. "How much youse got?"
Caper nodded. "I see." He spoke without turning. "Mugger?"
Behind him, his companion began by simply grinning.
"Braaaaappp!" Mugger covered his mouth a moment too late. "Sorry, Boss! I know how much you hate bad manners!" But his employer, for once, seemed not to notice. Mugger shrugged and began stuffing yet another quesadilla in his face, his third (or fifth!) one so far.
"Where is that idiot..." Caper mumbled to himself, scanning the smoky, dingy bar.
Mugger came up for air long enough to ask, "What idiot?"
Caper spoke without looking at him, still searching the crowd. "Our "informant" that gleefully explained how "rich" we'd all be after tonight's heist."
The Earth pony paused, the food halfway to his mouth. "Oh, him." He pointed over Caper's shoulder. "Isn't that the guy sliding out of the bar by the door?"
Caper's head whipped around. "Where?!"
He pointed again as he continued munching. "Over there, looking sneaky-like."
Caper smiled. "I see him..." He fired up his horn, aiming his magic at a trash barrel just in front of the retreating pony. The barrel spilled before his hooves, causing him to fall flat on his face.
"Hey! What...?!" he cried as he fell into a clumsy pile, to the great amusement of the patrons standing by. By the time he'd regained his footing, Caper was standing over him. The color drained from his face, but he kept his voice even. "Caper! How nice to see you! I was just about to ask how things went tonight!"
As Mugger joined him, the unicorn spoke in a flat, dangerous tone, "Oh, I'm thinking you know how it went, Trusty, my "old friend." He took out the tiny bag of bits, now considerably lighter, and threw it at his hooves. "Here's the "huge score" you promised we'd be getting. Perhaps you'd care to explain what went wrong?"
Trusty looked from the bag at his hooves, then back up to Caper, then up and up to the burly Earth pony, and began to sweat. "Honest, Caper, I thought she was an easy mark!" Then inspiration hit him. "Let me make it up to you both!" He reached into a greasy pocket, took out a crumpled coupon, and offered it to him. "That's good for fifty bits of credit, right here at The Guilded Rose!" He looked at the remains of the food in Mugger's hooves. "Just think of how many more quesadillas your friend here could buy!"
Caper just stared at him for a few seconds, then simply uttered one word: "Mugger?"
As Mugger started forward, Trusty backed up and screamed, "No, wait! I really can help you both! I know of a place where you both can get so many bits, you'll both be rich in a moon's time! And you don't have to pay me anything!"
Caper held up a hoof to stop his companion, then said, "I'm listening."
Caper and Mugger followed the furtive pony into one of the back hallways, where they stopped in front of a large door. Trusty looked over his shoulder at them and offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Now, when we get in here, just let me do the talking! These kinds of ponies...they ain't too friendly with strangers." Just before he knocked on the door, Caper stopped him with a hoof.
"How do we know we can trust you?"
Trusty grinned. "Have I ever lied to you?" Caper and Mugger just stared at him. "Okay! Maybe once!" They continued to stare. He threw up his hooves. "Alright! More than once! But you can trust me this time!" He lowered his voice. "I don't like dealing with the ones in this room any more than I have to, and like I said, this is a sure thing! So, just...follow my lead!" With that, he turned and knocked on the door. After a few moments, a narrow panel slid aside, and they could see a pair of eyes glaring out at them.
"What do you want?" a gruff voice asked.
Trusty put on his most winning smile, and said, "It's me, Rocky...my friends and I are interested in that proposition we discussed a week ago."
The eyes stared for a few more moments, looking at each of them in turn, then they heard, "Wait here," as the panel closed. Caper looked at his friend and shrugged, and was just turning to leave when the door suddenly opened. Inside was a pony seated at a large table, lit from overhead by a single ceiling lamp. The room was smoky, as he was puffing on a cigar, an imported one if Caper's nose was correct, and he was staring at them as if examining something he'd scraped off the bottom of his hooves.
The single pony, obviously the leader, nodded at the one by the door. Caper and Company turned and watched as the one Trusty had referred to as 'Rocky' slowly shut the huge door, locked it, then made sure it was tight. He then turned back and nodded to the 'Boss.' The 'Boss' took a puff of his cigar, blew a smoke ring, and then motioned for the door pony to come closer. Once he did, he leaned down, and the Boss whispered in his ear, too low for Caper and Mugger to hear but they caught snatches of his voice that made them both stare at each other in confusion.
His voice, from what they could make out, was...strange. Almost...foal-like, and would have been comical if not for the seriousness of the situation. Their attention was then drawn back to Rocky as he stood up and said, "The Boss here wants to know who you two are."
Trusty stepped forward with a smile. Rubbing his hooves together, he said, "These two are my best operators! They've pulled off a buncha capers for me in the past, and they might be the ponies we're looking for to do a job down in Ponyville."
The Boss took his time staring at them through the smoke, while a bead of sweat began to trickle down Trusty's forehead. Then he blurted out, "I told them it would be an easy job, with hardly any risk, and we'd only charge them a nominal fee!"
At this, Caper gripped him by the back of the neck. "You said we wouldn't have to pay you at all!"
Trusty squirmed under the painful grip. "Did...did I say that?! I musta forgot to mention the tiny, itty-bitty, you'll-never-miss-it finder's fee!" Trusty turned desperate eyes on the cigar pony. "Help me out here, Boss?"
The Boss made a quick hoof-gesture to Rocky, who sighed and said, "Yeah, alright. He's telling the truth: we can use you both for this job."
Caper let go of his "informant," looked from him to the cigar pony, and back, then narrowed his eyes. "What sort of job?"
Rocky smirked. "It'll be easy: Ponyville is a little burg sat between Canterlot and the Everfree Forest. All you two have to do is rob anypony using that Road. Earth ponies and Unicorns use that Road all the time, so the pickings will be easy!"
Caper nodded. "Sounds good." His brow furrowed as he added, "Too good. I've heard there's some sort of group of Element-Bearers there, as well as an Alicorn, name of "Twilight Sparkle," if I recall." He shared an unfriendly look with his companion. "We don't mess with Alicorns..."
The Boss motioned for Rocky to bend down again, and this time he whispered for almost a minute. Once he was done, Rocky turned to them again, this time with an even bigger smirk on his face. "The Boss says that will be taken care of. He says we've arranged for her to be...shall we say..."otherwise engaged"...out of town for at least a couple of weeks."
Mugger piped up. "What about the others?"
At this, the Boss rose to his hooves, and shouted, "aFteR thE WAAY yuu TUUK out oUr BoUnCeRR, ThEy shOulD give YUU no TrOUble!!"
Caper and Mugger stared at him, then fell to the floor, howling with laughter! The Boss waited patiently until they'd almost regained their composure, then said, "I'm aWaRe I hAff a FuNNy vOicE. CaN we MoVe On?"
"Stop! Stop!" screamed Caper, as they both fell to the floor again, "We'll do it! Just don't say anything else!"
The Boss turned to Rocky. "gEts ThEm out of HeRe..."
"You shouldna oughta laughed at the Boss' voice," grumbled Trusty, as the three of them made their way down the hallway and back into the bar proper. "That weren't nice."
Caper grimly smiled. "You're probably right, but you should have warned us beforehoof." He sighed as they chose a booth and sat down, then signaled a waitress. After she took their orders and hustled off, Caper grimaced at his "informant." "So, when is this "job" supposed to begin?"
"You can both start next week! Princess Twilight will be gone by then, so the coast will be clear! You'll have nuthin' to worry about!"
The waitress came back with their drinks, and Caper took a sip from his before saying, "I'm sure we won't. That's why you're coming with us."
Trusty spat out his drink and began choking, then spluttered, "Me?! Why me?! I never get my hooves dirty!" He coughed one more time and pointed. "You're the brains," he pointed again, "...and he's the muscle! What am I supposed to do?!"
Caper took another slow sip before saying, "You. Are our insurance in case this gig goes South." He sat back and smiled. "Besides, you can also be our lookout: you're good at spotting rubes and suckers, right?"
Trusty gave them both a nasty look over the rim of his mug before muttering, "I sure do..."
"What about her?" Caper whispered, watching the blonde Earth pony canter down the road while hauling a cart full of ripe, delicious-looking apples. From their cover in the bushes not too far from the Road, Trusty shook his head.
"Naw," he whispered back, "don't you know nuthin'? That looks like that one they call "Applejenny," or "Applesmack," or some such! Anyway, she's one of them Bearers, and a friend of that Alicorn!" He turned and gave a cagey look to his associates. "Bad juju..."
Caper frowned. "Well, we'd better find a mark soon! We've been out here for over an hour, and that's the only one that looked like she was worth some bits!" Behind him, Mugger's stomach rumbled.
"And I coulda used them apples..."
"And gotten yer teeth knocked in for yer trouble!" countered Trusty. "Now, shut up, you two, and let me do my job!"
All three fell into a sullen silence, watching the Road. But soon, they were rewarded by the sound of another cart, this time being hauled by a green-maned mare. The wind shifted just before she came closer, and the smell of fresh carrots filled their nostrils. Caper looked at Trusty, who simply smiled and nodded. They waited until she was nearly abreast of them, then all three leaped out, Caper and Trusty in front, Mugger behind. "Hold on there, Miss!" said Caper, putting on his most winning smile. "Now, where would you be off to?"
She cowered before them, looking around in fright. "Wha...what do you want?"
His smile grew wider. "Oh...nothing," he said while circling her cart. "Just all your carrots, and any bits you might have." He stopped when he was in front of her, and looked down into her eyes. "Now."
As she unhooked herself from her cart, she stammered, "You...you won't get away with this! I...I'm tell...telling the Princess!"
At this, Trusty greasily added, "Yer welcome to, sweetcakes, but we just happen to know yer Princess is out of town for the next few weeks, and we'll be long gone by the time she gets back...so save yer threats..." He smiled as he pointed to the fat bag of coins on her hip and made a 'gimme' motion with his hoof.
After angrily throwing her bits' bag down at them, she backed away, but not without a last, "You'll be sorry!" and was just about to turn and dash back to Ponyville when she was stopped by Mugger.
"Nuh uh, Miss...the Boss's got one more thing he needs to do." She turned frightened eyes back to the unicorn, only to be hit full in the face by his spell. She blinked, shook her head, then looked around in confusion.
"Where...where am I?"
"You were just on your way home, Miss...home to go to sleep for a few hours," said Caper gently.
With a dreamy, unfocused look in her eyes, she nodded and said, "Oh, yeah...that's what I was doing! Thanks, Mister!" then she wobbled off.
They watched her toddle unsteadily away, then Trusty said, "What was that you used?"
"A simple memory spell. I'm not a full mage, so it will only last a day or two at the most." He turned to Mugger. "Pull that cart off the Road and into the bushes. We have about that long to make a good haul from this Town before ponies start getting suspicious."
Trusty grinned. "I told you this would be easy!"
Caper's next full memory was seeing the nurse standing over him. It hurt even to open his eyes, let alone turn his head, so he couldn't see, but he could feel, O sweet Celestia he could feel! that every limb was cased in traction, he was covered in bandages from head to hoof, and as far as he could tell, he could only eat through a straw. He painfully moved just his eyes to his right and saw a large shape in the bed next to him. By the few patches of fur color he could see, he guessed it was Mugger, but the figure was, like himself, fully swathed in bandages. He desperately searched his mind to remember what exactly happened, but all that immediately surfaced was a lot of screaming. A LOT. Of screaming. Then, he heard the door to their room open. He painfully turned his eyes to the sound of approaching hoofsteps...and saw...HER.
The Grey Mare.
...and it alll came crashing back...
Things had been going quite well for the trio for the next day or so. A few ponies, mares, and stallions, had given them a bit of trouble, but between the three of them, especially with Mugger's muscle, they'd made quick work of them without too much violence. Now, all there was to do was to sit back and count their winnings!
They had a huge stack of bits between them, as well as several carts simply loaded with various goods they could sell off later for even greater profit! As measured as he usually was, Caper couldn't keep the smile off his face as he turned to Trusty. "I have to say, this worked out much better than I thought it would. You really were a straight-shooter this time, old chap!"
Trusty smiled back. "Was there ever any doubt?" Both Mugger and Caper looked at him, but this time just let it slide. Then, suddenly, they heard the unmistakable sound of yet another cart being hauled down the Road.
"Should we get some more?" asked Mugger.
Trusty looked at him as if he were daft. "Of course, we should! That's what 'more' means!"
That settled, they crept back up to the Road and waited. Soon, they saw a grey mare hauling what looked like a huge cart full of...rocks? What good were lousy rocks? Caper was just about to suggest they allow her to pass when he stiffened as he saw a tell-tale gleam. Those weren't just rocks. They were precious stones. He saw emeralds, diamonds, rubies...all mixed in with grey, ordinary-looking boulders.
Thinking back, that should have been his first clue.
As they'd done many times, they all leaped out in the same formation. The mare stopped and looked up at them, her bland expression never changing. "Hold on, Miss! We'll be taking everything you have!" said Caper.
In a neutral voice, she answered, "Please get out of my way. I am going to be late."
Trusty smiled. "I'm afraid it's not up to you, sweetie. Now we can do this the hard way, or the easy way. Your choice."
The mare looked over across the Road, to all the carts which by now they could not all hide. "Those don't all belong to you." She looked back at them. "You've been robbing ponies." Then, quietly, she began to unhook herself from her harness.
"That's right, and you're next, Miss!" said Mugger. He placed a hoof on her shoulder. "Now, move away from the car---AHHHHH!!!" he screamed as she gripped his hoof.
"Robbing ponies is wrong," she said, as she flipped him across the Road. Mugger flew through the air and landed heavily on his side. He grunted as he fell, but quickly regained his hooves.
"Nopony beats me!" yelled Mugger. "NOPONY!!" as he launched himself towards her.
Caper and Trusty watched in horror, their hooves frozen at the spot. Throughout the entire fight, the mare's expression never changed. Afterward, when the Earth pony lay in a broken, moaning heap, she turned expressionless eyes on the two of them and quietly said, "Robbing ponies is wrong." She cracked her neck.
"You're next."
"Nurse! NURSE!! Get her away from me!" yelled Caper as well as he could for the bandages wrapping his jaw.
But the Grey Mare quietly said, "I just wanted to see how you're doing. I don't usually go all out like that, but I was...upset."
"Upset? Upset?! You could have killed us all!!"
She shook her head. "No. I only used a little bit of my strength. I wasn't trying to really hurt any of you."
Caper stared at her, then looked over at his companions, then looked back at her, knowing she meant every word.
Then, he fainted.
Alternate Ending: A Lesson in Honesty
The day after Caper and Company had enjoyed their first successes on the Road, they were all feeling a bit cocky. So far, they'd met no real challenges, due largely in part to Mugger's muscle. Most ponies took one look at the burly Earth pony and gave up their goods and bits without a struggle, no doubt figuring the loss of property to be better than the loss of health, which of course worked in the robbers' favor.
Early in the morning of the next day, after sneaking into Town and enjoying a restful night of sleep at the Ponyville Inn and a fantastic breakfast courtesy of the inhabitant's "contributions," they were met by Rocky, who had come to check on their progress. Trusty smiled his toothiest smile up at him and said, "Check it out! We've made over a hundred bits already, and it's only been a day!" Both Caper and Mugger startled and looked at him when he mentioned that low number, but otherwise kept quiet. Trusty continued, "The Boss'll be right pleased, I'm thinking!"
Rocky stared at him. "Only a hundred? From this Town, I thought there'd be more by now?"
A trickle of sweat started to run down Trusty's head, but he kept his grin in place and replied, "Oh, you know, the week is still young! This place is chock full of rubes just beggin' to be parted from their bits!" He got up, placed his hoof on Rocky's shoulder, and led him toward the door. "Now, you go back and tell the Boss not to worry...he'll get his cut, and it will be huge! Bye now!" Rocky frowned, gave them all a suspicious glare, but then turned and left. Trusty sighed in relief, then rejoined his companions.
Keeping his voice low, Caper leaned in close and said, "Why in Celestia's Name did you lie to him?! You know we've made over a thousand bits!"
Trusty looked affronted. "What. Are you talking about?! I didn't lie! I said we 'made over a hundred bits!' Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't a thousand more than a hundred?"
Caper frowned. "Yes, but you gave him the impression we only have a hundred bits!"
Trusty smiled and took a last bite of his food. "I did no such thing. He drew that conclusion. I simply...hmm...failed to correct him." He wiped his mouth and stood. "Now we can stay here arguing, or we can get back out there and git rich! I vote we go!"
Caper looked at him with an unreadable expression as he and Mugger got to their hooves. As they were passing through the open Market, which was filled with vendors hawking their wares and was now bustling with shopping ponies, Caper asked, "Just out of curiosity, who named you 'Trusty'?"
His chest swelled with pride. "It's an old family name...full of well-earned respect and dignity..." He paused to wipe away a tear as they trotted along, "...me sainted Mum granted me the nickname, once she saw how honest and---ooo! just a second!" Quick as a snake he zipped behind an old mare who had dropped a few bits as she was leaving a shopping stall and nicked them up in a wink, then returned to his companions without missing a beat, "...and reliable I had become!"
"I...see..." Caper hung back with Mugger a few feet and whispered, "From now on, we keep the bits' bag..."
They soon found their spot where they had hidden the wagons and goods they'd stolen from the day before. Nothing had been touched, as they'd anticipated, as everything had been hidden so well, and if Caper's memory spell had held out still then nopony was yet the wiser. So they still had a few days to wring this Town dry before they had to move on, and, given the profit they'd made already, it looked to be a very lucrative few days indeed!
The Sun was in Her Golden phase, and just beginning to set that evening when they'd robbed their tenth wagon. All of them were in their hiding place, gleefully counting their "winnings" when they all heard a mare clear her throat and say, "Howdy!" The robbers looked at each other, then peered over the bushes. There, standing in the middle of the Road and wearing a Stetson hat and an...eerie smile, was that blonde mare from the day before..."Applesmack," or whatever her name was. Caper was the first to respond.
"Yes, Miss? Can...we help you?"
She shook her head, the...smile...never leaving her face. "Nah...but yew kin help yerselves."
Something in her voice and her face was extremely unnerving, but it wouldn't do to let her know that. Caper nodded to his cronies, then they all stepped into view, but not before Trusty whispered to him, "That's one of them Bearers! I told you she's trouble!"
Caper whispered back, never taking his eyes off the mare, "There's three of us, and one of her; how much trouble can she be?" He then straightened up and smiled, then said, "And how, pray tell, may we be 'helping ourselves,' Miss?"
The mare looked down, took a slow breath, removed her hat, then looked back up at them. The change in her eyes made them all step back. "Yew kin all clear outta here like the polecats yew all are...an' yew kin leave all the stuff yew stole!"
Mugger stepped forward. "Who says we stole anything, girlie? And who are you to tell us what to do?!"
The mare's eyes swiveled to him like gun turrets. "Mah friend Golden Harvest is missin' her crop which she had on this Road yesterday, as well as all her bits! Plus she's all loopy, like somepony cast a spell on her," she looked at Caper, "...some unicorn, Ah'm guessin'..."
Caper grinned. "Well, I guess you have us there, Miss. But you see, the problem we have is we like it here, and we're not going anywhere. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to run along like a good little filly, or, sadly, my big friend will have to "help" you change your mind."
The mare smiled once more. "Ah was hopin' yew'd say that." She reached down and picked up a small rock. "But...first thang's first." Then without warning, she tossed the rock up, spun on her heel, and kicked the rock with one of her back hooves. This sent the rock screaming through the air, where it crashed into Caper's horn! He in turn screamed in agony as he fell to his knees, while magic discharges sparked and flew from his cracked horn. He looked up at her as he held his horn.
"Why did you do that?!"
Her smile never wavered. "Ah know a thang or two 'bout unicorns. Y'all cain't cast no spells once yer horns have bin damaged, and Ah don't need no distractions while Ah'm dealin' wit dis here big fella..."
Mugger looked down at Caper and said, "You alright?"
But Caper shouted, "Don't worry about me!" He still held his horn with one hoof then pointed his other shaking hoof at the mare. "GET HER!!"
Mugger slowly turned, stared at her, and smiled. "Youse are gonna pay for that, girlie..." Then he rushed her.
For such a large stallion, he was surprisingly fast and agile. Not an ounce of fat was on him, due to his overactive metabolism and his strict workout regimen. No mere brawler, he had trained for years with some of the best instructors he could afford, until he had reached what he felt was his peak performance level, and could outrun, outsmart, and outfight any opponent.
It didn't do him one ounce of good.
His first mistake was to try to finish her with one punch. As the blow was incoming, she grabbed his hoof, again spun on her heel, then used his weight to flip him over her shoulder and slam him into the ground! He landed hard, as dust and debris flew in all directions into the air and the ground shook from the impact, making a sizeable crater in the ground and knocking the wind out of him. She then heaved him out of the hole and slammed him hard against the ground again. Crater. Then again. Crater. Then up into the air, where he spun in place like a pinwheel for a few seconds, giving her time to look behind him, pick out a decent spot, then turn and unleash her full years of apple-bucking back hooves into his center mass. He flew crashing through several trees, leaving Mugger-shaped holes in each one, until he finally fetched up against a big rock, slid down it, and fell into a boneless pile. His last word before losing consciousness was, "...ow..."
She then looked at Caper, who sighed, and said, "My turn now?"
She nodded and replied, " 'Fraid so."
As she closed on him, he held up a hoof and said, "I...don't suppose I could get you to start on my other friend first?"
The mare looked around. "Whut other friend?"
"...and so I got the heck out of there before I was next!" Trusty wiped the sweat from his face as he sat before the Boss and Rocky, still shaking. The Boss gestured for Rocky to lean down, then whispered in his ear for a few moments.
Rocky straightened up. "The Boss wants to know what happened to the bits you did get?"
Trusty put on his most winning smile. "You don't gotta worry about that, Boss!" He reached into one of his many pockets and took out a rather small bag of bits. "Here it is! Sorry it's so tiny, but as you know, I was telling you about that mare, and how she stole everything back from us...but good ole Trusty was able to hang onto some bits just for you!" He smiled again. "You're welcome!"
The Boss stared at him, took a puff from his cigar, then made a quick hoof motion to Rocky. Then Rocky walked up to Trusty, grabbed him by the neck, turned him upside down, then began shaking him.
"Hey! What gives?! What are you doing---" Trusty shouted but stopped when several huge bags of bits fell out of his pockets.
As he hung there upside down, Trusty grinned again and said, "Oops?"
