Standing by a closed pair of massive double doors in Canterlot castle, Dusk found himself waiting in one of the castle’s largest hallways along with the rest of his brothers and sisters. He was off duty that day, as were the others in his unit. For an event such as this, it was customary to be given the day off. More of a courtesy than a proficient decision. Along with his brethren, every single mare and stallion that gathered outside of the room were dressed in the same attire. Full-dress uniforms.

Like everyone else, Dusk hated times like this.

Not because of what it represented, but because of the gravity behind it.

While others in the crowd stood about silently, a few had made quiet conversations. Dusk, on the other hoof, had joined the silent majority as he stood by the closed doors to the ballroom. Even though some had tried to converse with him, those who did quickly ceased their efforts when they noticed the faraway look in his eyes. By the look on their faces after his dismissal, Dusk could tell it expressed shame and regret for them trying to get his attention. It was harsh, yes, but he didn’t blame them for trying. Since the time he had arrived in the hallway, Dusk didn’t make a sound or any unnecessary movement. Even his tail had remained completely still as he focused solely on the closed doors.

To be truly honest, the brown unicorn guard didn’t want to be there. But he knew he would never forgive himself if he didn’t come.

When the locks on the double doors finally clicked and gave way, Dusk and several others of his unicorn brethren each gave one another a pained look before they lit their horns in unison and grabbed hold of the massive wooden frames.

Pulling the doors open, the enormous ballroom revealed itself to the waiting crowd of over two dozen guards. While normally the ballroom was empty except for social gatherings and parties of the like, this time however, the polished stone floor had rows upon rows upon rows of closed cloth-covered, pony-sized, white caskets raised on bush-like decorated platforms. Beside each one, was an expertly crafted wreath and a picture frame of a pony smiling back in the photograph.

The decor of the room had been carefully designed. Despite its current use, the stallion did have to admit the atmosphere it portrayed was appropriate. The windows along the ballroom walls had various colors of uniquely designed glass panels, the sunlight filtering in through the decorated glass coated the room completely in that colorful palette. Reaching all the way back to far end of the room, the entire floor was covered by the arraignment of the memorial.

When the doors were completely opened, Dusk, along with the rest of his brothers and sisters, entered the room in silence. Except for the occasional sniffles and lowered volume of crying that started from guests within upon reaching their individual destinations, the atmosphere in the ballroom was quiet. From all around the hall, no pony was heard making a single word of conversation. Dusk watched many stoically renowned stallions and mares lose their composure, allowing their emotions to come out and win over them. But no pony would hold that against them. In places like this, this was one of the only times where a guard could let down their expectation of professionalism without being reprimanded for it.

Passing several of his closest friends, both alive and “sleeping”, Dusk felt his chest tighten with every step as he made his way towards the back of the ballroom. The alphabetized order of the memorial had the one the stallion was specifically here to see be placed at the far end of the room. And because of that order, Dusk had to pass by every fallen member in his unit. With each passed casket, and the other guards present today mourning the loss of someone held close to them, Dusk felt his pace slow down gradually. The more he passed, the more the emotion that the stallion was suppressing inside of him continued to build up. Looking from one photo to the next, the stallion felt as if heavy weights were placed on his back with every step he took. By the time he reached his destination, the strain on his body and throat felt beyond words he knew to describe. Standing in front of the very last decorated casket placed beneath the ballroom’s largest designed window, the brown unicorn guard was barely holding it together.

Draped over the white designer cloth, a double blue stripe ceremonial strip with an emblem in the middle presented the pony’s rank and position within the winged division of the Royal Guard. Looking down at the name sewn into the white fabric, Dusk’s own stoicism finally cracked as his right forehoof touched the lettering on the cloth. As he began to read over the memorial display, warm tears started to form.

Cpl. Zephyre “Thunder” Sky

To the side of the casket was a white card with an engraved set of golden letters arranged in a message:

Here lies Cpl. Zephyre “Thunder” Sky, a brave pegasus guard of the 7th Recon Air-Assault Division.

A pegasus who gave his life, beyond the call of duty, to rescue civilians during the fall of Trottingham.

Though fallen, his courage, spirit, memory, and sacrifice will never be forgotten.

Finishing the last line of the card, Dusk turned to the enlarged photo beside the casket. Picking up the frame, the brown unicorn gazed at the pony in the photo. A deep blue pegasus stallion with a black medium-length mane and tail smiled back at him, his eyes a bright sapphire-blue that always seemed to sparkle in his view. Dusk remembered every time he had saw the blue wing pony, said stallion had always been able to brighten up his day, especially after a hard difficult day of guard duty. Between his caring nature, yet stoicism when it came to dealing with serious matters, the pony also had a teasing side that always worked on the brown unicorn.

Since that night, Dusk kept every bit of his pain inside, never bearing to let others to see him like this. Because of the war, he never had the time to grieve. Due to this, everything that Dusk was struggling to keep inside now crashed down around him all at once.

Dropping backward onto his haunches, Dusk raised his head up to the ceiling with eyes closed, feeling a warm wetness trail down his cheeks. A moment later, Dusk did not try to reign himself in this time as he let out a loud scream mixed from anguish, pain, rage, and regret.

Every single memory he had with his only childhood friend, turned lover, just two years before the start of the war, began to replay in his mind. Nothing had spared him; even the horrific moment of this loss resurfaced.

All of it tore him apart.

Flashes of white-hot anger caused the brown unicorn’s horn to flare up. Sparking violently, purple currents of lightning washed over the guard stallion. Reaching down to his tail, the charge slipped off the end of it with a loud crackling sound.

Like he had figured, before he even arrived here: his attendance to this memorial was a mistake. Even now, Dusk was at war with himself. And unfortunately, he knew that this inevitable conflict would become visible and would not go unnoticed by the other attendees in the room. However, at this point, Dusk didn’t care. Even though he grew to enjoy being in the royal guard, he still also held them partly to blame for the loss of his only foalhood friend, and his own life’s meaning of happiness.

Whenever he remembered this, it made his blood boil.

Dusk didn’t want Thunder to join the Royal Guard when he did during college. He didn’t want to risk bearing any fear for his lover’s safety whenever Thunder was away from him on assignment. Not that he felt that his friend couldn’t handle the job, it was just that he didn’t want to ever experience any semblance of fear that the last time he saw, held, or even kissed his coltfriend to be just that, his last.

If it meant that he was selfish in that regard, then the brown stallion felt every couple was that way when their partner was involved with a dangerous job. Growing up together, he knew Thunder had other ambitions to explore in college and beyond. But since joining the guard, those were put on hold. When he joined, and Dusk confronted him about it, Thunder confessed he only joined to be with his coltfriend. It was one of their only major fights, and Dusk went to be bed alone in their apartment’s guest bedroom that night, crying himself to sleep.

Yet even though he was against it, Dusk didn’t want to control his coltfriend’s decisions. He accepted it and didn’t press the matter any further.

But looking back on that decision now, as the grieving stallion cried to himself beside the memorial casket, Dusk held himself as the prime source to blame for everything that he had to endure now.

And when he finally did manage to calm himself down slightly after a while, the unicorn placed the photo that was between his forehooves back down on the table beside the casket. His elevated breaths now receding into soft pants, that sometimes ended in barely audible growling. Coming here was a mistake, he knew that. But not coming at all? He felt that would’ve been much worse.

Looking down at the photo of the deep blue pegasus smiling up at him, Dusk sighed and stepped back from the memorial to leave the hall. He was done here. There was no further reason to stay. Not at this memorial…or within the castle. As he gave a weak but trying smile to his resting better half, Dusk blew a kiss before turning. He didn’t want to deal with any further problems as he went back to the barracks to gather his belongings when he went to hand in his already filled out resignation letter.

But, as if on cue, a loud commanding male voice sounded behind him as it’s origin got closer.

“Corporal Dusk, you need to calm down. Your behavior is inappropriate.”

Dusk stopped, closed his eyes momentarily and growled rather viciously under his breath. He didn’t need to guess who it was that interrupted him. And out of all the ponies he had ever met, this one had become the least one he wanted to deal with right now. It took every bit of strength Dusk had to not turn around and go off on this one particular stallion, as much as he wanted to. And, by the Princesses existence, oh he really did want to.

Turning only halfway, Dusk gave the white unicorn stallion with a blue two-toned mane a side glance, recognizing the shield and three stars above it on his rear.

Begrudgingly, Dusk addressed him.

“Captain Armor. Sir, why are you here? Now is not the time.”

Shining Armor watched the guard stallion before him closely before answering. “Watch that tone soldier…I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your sudden outburst. It’s disrupting the service.” He replied back.

Dusk huffed. “Frankly, sir, you’re the one disrupting the service.”

He continued. “My service. I am alone over here, captain. Which you should no doubt be able to see for yourself. And I’m not bothering anypony from where I’m at. So…leave. Me. Alone.”

The tone of his response being spoken made the white unicorn square up his shoulders as he stepped closer to Dusk, almost in front of his face. The renowned stoic face of the returned guard captain suddenly became tense.

Dusk didn’t move, let alone flinch in the slightest. Their glaring eyes met one another in a fierce stalemate.

“Watch yourself Corporal…” He started to warn.

This time, Dusk turned towards the captain fully.

“Or what? You’re going to sacrifice me as well?”

The white stallion visibly winced and stepped back for only the briefest of a second. He recovered himself quickly afterwards. “…what did you say?”

Dusk pressed, seizing the uncomfortable silence left between them. “Don’t act so confused Captain, we all know what happened in the Crystal Empire. With you and Princess Cadence.”

Shining’s face flashed a hint of anger as he hissed. “Corporal...”

Dusk pressed further, unfazed. “You sacrificed your entire guard. Not just our brethren, but the Crystal Guard too. Even the Crystal ponies that worked in the castle…”

“Corporal, cease…”

But Dusk did not.

“We all knew the evacuations were complete, well, as well as it could be. And if they had a little cover from you, the guard under your command could have evacuated as well. All they needed was a little help, from you, or Princess Cadence…but what did you do?”

Dusk raised his head and stared at Shining in his eyes, emphasizing his next point. “You ignored them…ordered them to stay…and left. We all knew that there would be no chance of survival if they stayed.” His stare turned into a fierce glare. “You killed them. Sacrificed them. Like a pig for slaughter.”

The brown stallion huffed again.

“And what’s worse…is that you didn’t tell anyone. Not even us. You owed us that much, yet you didn’t say a word. You didn’t even acknowledge your actions when questioned. You kept it hidden and went on like nothing ever happened.”

Dusk looked away, “you might’ve returned to Royal Guard, Captain. And new our commander might’ve given you your old rank back. But that doesn’t mean things will be the way they were once before. Because it won’t. Not after what you did.”

Shining stood there, expressionless, as the room became silent. Curiously, the white unicorn looked behind him and noticed every other guard in the room had stopped to pay attention to the conversation. The same expression that Dusk had on his face, was displayed on each guard as well. Dusk didn’t have to put two and two together to know what Shining was thinking as the guard captain looked around the room. Dusk knew how his brothers and sisters felt about Shining Armor’s action back during the fall of the Crystal Empire. Of how his actions led to the deaths of his entire Crystal Guard, nearly all of the crystal ponies, while the only ones to make it out of that hell hole were him, his wife, his child, and a few crystal ponies closest to them. After the war had ended, and an official census was conducted to assess the population loss, the crystal ponies were designated as an endangered race.

When Shining recognized their shared expressions, any shred of the white unicorn’s anger evaporated. Turning back to Dusk, he noticed the faraway look in the corporal’s eyes as the brown unicorn didn’t even look at him as he spoke again.

“We may be the Royal Guard, Captain, and we would gladly put our lives on the line for the safety of other ponies. In fact, we’d do so willingly…” Dusk started slowly before pausing. Without a response from the white unicorn captain, he continued.

“…but we are not drones. And we are not expendable assets.” Dusk spoke every line as firmly as the last. “We’re ponies too. We hurt, we feel, just like anypony else. And something like that should not be thrown away so easily…like one would do when they have broken toys.”

Shining visibly flinched, stepping back at the sudden comparison, observing as the brown unicorn guard’s stare turned to one of such disdain, and regret. Looking around the room, Shining noticed the same expression now visible on the other guards. Seeing the guard captain’s state of shock for himself, Dusk chose not to relent. If he did not say what needed to be said, then he feared that the others in the room wouldn’t have the strength to. He knew how deeply the morale had fallen since the end of the war. How everypony in the Royal Guard felt when somepony they all cherished and loved so much was harmed because of their inability to protect her during the final battle, at the Siege of Canterlot.

When Dusk looked at each guard in the room, they all looked back at him with sadness and pain, but at the same time, with slight hopefulness that he’ll finish what they wanted to be addressed. Turning back to Shining Armor, Dusk stared at him with mixed emotions. He wasn’t just speaking for himself now. He had become a representative for the others in the room, including ones who had lost a significant other like he had. This made the brown unicorn wipe his face as his tears came back.

“If Princess Celestia were here,” He started, cursing his faltering composure, hissing at the next part. “Instead of being trapped in a coma by that damn vile dead vampire bitch…”

Stepping up to the white unicorn, Dusk made his last point before turning away and walking off, “…she would be angry with you…just as we all are.”

Shining Armor stood there, stunned, as the sounds of other hoof steps departed the room. Passing by the captain, Dusk whispered in a low dejected tone, eyes turned away from the silent white unicorn.

“I used to idolize you when I joined, like so many others. I pushed myself to try to be as good of a guard as you. I even thought, if you were the one leading the guard in this war, then maybe we wouldn’t have lost so many ponies, especially our own.” Dusk’s voice suddenly hitched with difficulty, wiping at his face again, “and I…probably wouldn’t have lost the stallion of my life…as well as my reason for living.”

Shining looked up and spun around at the brown unicorn guard with wide eyes, his voice cracking.

“Dusk…please, wait.”

But the brown guard stallion ignored the captain’s plea attempt, not bearing to look back at him.

“However, looking at you now…I see that we would’ve lost a lot more.”

When Shining didn’t respond, Dusk sighed and shook his head.

“Goodbye, Captain….”

Without another word, the former esteemed guard captain was left in the room. Alone.

Following the other guards out of the room, Dusk waited at the end of the line before exiting out into the hall. Instead of following the rest of his squad mates back to the barracks, the brown stallion turned the other way and entered the nearest bathroom, checking to make sure it was empty first. When there was no other ponies in the male restroom, Dusk lit his horn and locked the door, turning to the first sink nearest him. He couldn’t reach out to it fast enough before his legs finally gave out and he collapsed on the floor, crying. Everything that happened in the memorial hall as well as memories of his now pass significant other crashed around him. It went on for a while before Dusk was finally able to stop and stave off the thoughts from further harming him. He rolled over onto his side to recompose himself. When he was able, Dusk lifted himself off of the floor and moved over to the sink. Looking himself over, the stallion watched the eyes staring back at him in his reflection flicker from its normal color to a glowing shade of crimson despite the bloodshot teary state of them.

Groaning, Dusk sighed as he just realized that he nearly made an irreversible mistake in the memorial hall. Looking back at his actions in the hall, he started to regret allowing his emotions to get the better of him back there. He wasn’t going to agree with what the former esteemed guard captain had to say, but he was disappointed in not reigning in his emotions before it nearly got too far out of control like that. If he had stayed there a little longer, then his secret would’ve been revealed far earlier than he would be prepared for. At this, Dusk groaned in annoyance at his lack of self control as he turned on the sink to clean himself up.

“Damnit…” he huffed, cleaning his face with a wet cloth before turning and leaving the restroom, heading back to the barracks to grab his belongings.

“The last thing I need right now is to give Shining Armor another reason to dislike me.”

Author's Note

My sincerest apologies for the long wait. Many things have been happening which had been keeping me away. But I wanted to get this chapter out. The next one will be posted within the next 1-2 days. As an apology for being away so long.

As always, I hope you enjoy.

(Keep in mind that characters portrayed as they are right now may change as the story progresses. Shining Armor is one of my favorite characters, but I thought I'd give different spin on his reaction to the war in the story. As it is said, war changes people. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. But nothing is set in stone.)