Jack And Stripes

"C'mon lads! We just need to go another hundred yards!

Another maneuver in New Brunswick. At least he was in his element.

"Leftanant? Where the bleeding 'ell are we going? Leftenant?"

Lt. Jack McDouglas was his name. He felt entitled to just drown out the noises of his worried sargent. Another beautiful sunrise in the province of New Brunswick, North American Union. And if you were specific enough, the British Empire.

"Fer god’s sake, if I wanted to walk around for hours, I would 'ave never left fecking Ballachulish!"

Oh, right, his men.

"Shut up private. Alright, I know we have been moving for a while now, so halt & form up!"

At least they could follow orders. Well, the simple ones. He had to think that this way of life was tiring for some.

"Jack, I think we should give 'em a rest. They've been marching since midnight." Sergeant John flipped out his pocket watch and checked. "Well it's 6 now, so...."

"Alright John. Tell 'em I'm going into town and find us some food."

"Wait a minute, is that Dorchester? Goddammit Charlie, we've been going around in circles!" "What? You can't be serious. Is he Sarge?

"Yes he is. And if you both don't shut it, you'll be seeing it 4, maybe 5 times more!"

Dorchester was a nice place, even if it had only a couple hundred people. As the Leftenant walked down the street, he got few stares. Many of the people knew him and his regiment. One of the sailors he passed however tried to strike up a conversation.

"Hey Jack, how's your highlanders doing? They give up yet?"

The Royal Highland Emigrants will never break!" Jack chimed back.

"Tell 'em if they don't want to fight, we'll ship em back ourselves!"

"I'll consider it!"

After a good meal, a couple of hours of staying warm, conversation, and a rather hearty meal, the RHE’s loaded up, and started to move back to their base.

“How far Leftenant?” asked one of the privates.

“When we get there. Answer your question?”

“Honestly, no sir.”

“Sergeant! Tell me, how many men do we have?”

“About 20 sir! Why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve got a feeling about today. A very bad feeling. See that ship over there? That isn’t one I’ve ever seen here. Isn’t flying the stripes or the ensign. In fact...”

His word was cut off from a loud explosion 50 yards away.

‘Christ almighty! Hit the deck! Stay low! And for god’s sake Johnson, take that stupid slouch hat off and put on your helmet!”

“Incoming!”

And the last thing all 22 of the 2nd platoon, Royal Highland Emigrants remembered was a brilliant flash of light, then darkness.

“Oh Christ, I think we bit the bullet… you okay Charlie?”

“Go fuck yourself Mac.”

Well at least his men were alive, thought Jack. Now, where in god’s name was he? He felt the grass, took a breath, and looked around. One thing he was certain of: this was not New Brunswick. Wherever they were, they needed to get a situation assessment. Now. So, they had to get scouts.

“Pvt. J. And M. McDonough! You two got scout duties! I can’t hear you grumble, so I guess that means you’re okay with that! Now move or I will have the Sergeant here…. when he, er, wakes up, to skin you both alive! So move it or lose it you bastard twins!”

“Aye sir.”

“What a cock.”

*Switching to the McDonough brothers*

“This damn khaki doesn’t blend in her for shite.”

“Well, everything around us is green, bright and colorful… do you think we’re in heaven Mac? I mean, it’s nice, peaceful, colorful, and just us.”

“Well I didn’t see no pearly gates, and sure as ‘ell didn’t see no angels. So this may be heaven. But if it is, I’ll tell ya it’s a god-damn…. Sorry, darn let down.”

10 minutes later.

“Town sighted! See the buildings? They must have people there! We aren’t too far from home now!”

“But Charlie, what if the towns full of frogs and dagoe’s? They’ll open fire on us the first sight!”

“Then give me the binocs! I know for certain something… or someone is moving around there!”

“Whatcha see? Women? It’s got to be something nice. Or absolutely horrific! Charlie? Charlie?!”

“Talking coloured horses.”

“What? You can't be serious."

You heard me. Now look over there."

"Christ almighty. They probably will attack first chance they-"

"Hi, can I help you?"

"JESUS!"

Unfortunatley for the  pony that snuck up on them, they both had standard issue SMLE's. One had it's business end pointing at her face. In shock, she just passed out.

"Oops."

"Charlie, you scared the damn thing! Now what'll we do?"

'We can show to the Leftenant as proof...."

"Good idea. I suggested eating it. Or glue possibly."

"Mac, you sick bastard ."