Alicorn Accidents (And How Not To Avoid Them, An Instructional Guide)

Recently, Twilight had been dealing with a particular little problem. She supposed however that said problem could hardly be called 'little' in any sense of the word. It was a common and recurring one, interrupting whatever activity she happened to be engaged in no matter the time nor place and required immediate attending to. What had once been the relatively simple task of going about her day, even as a new Princess of Equestria, had become more like a job where emergencies could burst through her door at any time.

Tonight was no different but for when specifically it had come around to rear its flared, drooling head.

"Unnngh, seriously...?" The alicorn groaned as she blinked herself into consciousness. Sleep still tugged at the corners of her vision and she didn't even need to look froward to know what the issue was. She could feel her not so little problem brushing against and lifting up her bedsheets the first second she'd woken up. "5:30? Ngh, I hope that means you're not gonna interrupt me later today..."

Her cock responded with a throb, which was followed shortly after by the faintly audible churning of her nuts and the bubbling forth of pre that always accompanied it. Twilight's face contorted into a grimace, and she used her magic to rip the sheets off her bed before they could get any more stained. She really needed to put some enchantments on those things from now on, but then again her special dilemma usually preferred to make her miserable by showing up in the middle of a busy day.

She shuddered. Stars above, she would never forget about that time last month when she'd gone shopping with Fluttershy. She could still remember the pegasus' blushing cheeks clear as day right before the girl fainted outright.

"Guess I'll just have to deal with you now then..." Twilight sighed. Her tone was short and clipped, and it was at times like these she wished it could understand her irritation.

She carried out her next preparations like a mare who'd learned them by muscle memory, and by this point she practically had. Arcane magenta surrounded her horn and slid open a bottom drawer, and from inside she yanked free a condom wrapper. It appeared mostly normal from the outset, but it and its siblings had all been modified with a spell to increase their elasticity tenfold. She'd decided to buy them after she'd completely soaked her comforter through for the third time in a week.

"Okay..." She breathed. "Ooooookaaay..."

Her words came away with a shaky quality. No matter how good it felt when she actually did fall into a rhythm, getting into it was always the hardest part. She knew it should have been easy for her given the simplicity of something as basic to being an adult as masturbation, but the stress that everything surrounding the action caused her now made it a bit more challenging.

Shaking slightly, her hands reached forward and grasped the base. The sheer sensitivity of it made her gasp, and she drew back on instinct. She hated that. It meant that the problem was only getting worse and not better with time.

It took her a few calming breaths before she steadied herself and went for it again. The second go around she managed to keep her hands in place, having to bite on her lip to suppress a whimper. She never remembered it being so receptive, even when puberty hit her for the first time. Touching herself almost felt like lightning now.

She gave her rod a single pump, and that was enough to send an arc of pleasure rolling from root to end. The lightning sensation had nearly doubled, and it felt absolutely wonderful. It felt so nice, in fact, that Twilight was momentarily distracted just long enough for something to go wrong. With a buck of her hips and an open cry her balls roared to life and discharged a molten slug upwards through the length of her shaft's cumpipe.

Too late Twilight realized what had happened, and before she could set up a counter a healthy shower of sludgey pre-nut splattered across her face and pillow. The coating was thorough and thick, and driven by her arousal her tongue darted out from between her lips to sample the gooey residue. It was salty, packed with enough sperm cells that it would have registered as one of her normal loads prior to ascension. This, she knew, because she had performed a multitude of tests on herself throughout her life. A normal pony may have found gathering such statistics strange, but she wasn't exactly a normal pony and frankly considering the circumstances those statistics had proved invaluable to her understanding of this whole predicament.

...even if she basically knew nothing about it beyond the fact it had something to do with her alicornhood.

After re-organizing her thoughts, she floated the condom up to the peak of her staff and slipped it from the wrapper. Craning her head up to get a proper look at the monstrous thing, she found herself very thankful she had the magic to perform tasks like this. If she had to work it around her girth with her hands alone she knew she could do it, but she also knew it would have taken her a while.

Its measurements actually would have made the job easier given it met level with her muzzle at full mast, but that was when it was co-operative enough that she could bend it against her chest. Tonight was not a very co-operative night, and she knew instantly from how hard it had been when she touched it that it wouldn't bow out under anything but its own weight.

The rubber sleeve stretched wide, then tugged downwards until it had reached a few inches shy of Twilight's crotch. The magical grip holding it under its sway released, and it snapped as snug as a second skin to the cock's surface. Now that she'd laid the first pre-caution, she had to do the second. Up until then she'd never considered the possibility of having to do anything more, but after experiencing just how stiff and productive she seemed to be right now, she wasn't counting on her normal half-measures. A spell was cast with all the ease of a levitation aura that made Twilight Sparkle the Element of Magic, and instantaneously the entire room along with all its contents, including Twilight herself, were rendered waterproof.

Now the fun could truly commence and, in spite of the sexual frustrations being an alicorn had wrought her over the past couple months, she was trembling with excitement. Here, in her bedroom, she could actually enjoy herself. She didn't have to be paranoid out in public fretting over when her skirt-lifting pants-shredder of a dick would start unsheathing its behemoth self. She didn't have to worry about whether or not any ponies saw it rising before she teleported away. And she didn't need to think about the time it took to tend to her business if she'd been in the middle of something important.

Here, she was alone. No one would bother her and she made Celestia-damned sure of that by soundproofing her walls and locking the door. She could take all the time in the world and she could love every minute of it. If she was lucky, emptying herself tonight might even mean she wouldn't have to in the morning. She did rather doubt that, though. She generally won the jackpot if she only had to jerk off three times a day.

"Heehee." Twilight giggled and drew her tongue across her cum-stained muzzle. She was already delirious with lust, knowing she could throw herself fully into the salacious deed. Most thought she was a bookish prude given her conservative dress and shyness from all things lewd, but that was far from the truth. In reality she was close to as kinky as a mare could be, and the only reason she avoided those topics outside her private home was because of how easy a trigger she was to pull.

And when Twilight seriously got going? She could say from plenty of personal experience that it took a lot to get her to stop, and that was before ascension had essentially tripled her libido.

"Mmnghmhmhmnn~" Shesounded, forming a series of noises that was caught halfway between a laugh and a humming moan. The hung bookworm was already stroking her shaft in a horny fugue state before she'd even realized it. Once she'd put her defenses up for what would no doubt be a very messy dark morning session, her body had received the signal to do as it willed. So she let it. Everything was taken care of to prevent a hassling clean-up and nothing was going to walk in on her. She wanted this. She needed this, and by Luna's moon was she going to get it.

"I bet you're gonna make a big mess for me, huh?" Twilight crooned. The pressure she had on her prick's base strengthened, and she received her answer in the form of a wet splurt into the condom, which subsequently bulged at the tip. Her lips spread into a toothy grin, and her lids drooped seductively. Normally it took more than a few seconds of self-pleasure to get her so love-drunk, but she'd already accepted that tonight was not a normal night. She just didn't realize how far from normal it was going to get. "Yeah that's right, a big fat fucking mess. Mmmph...!"

The next few minutes of Twilight's multi-daily ritual was lost to her in a flurry of dancing fingertips, pulsating flesh, and copious amounts of fluid. In the weeks since her rise to power, her dramatically heightened sex drive had made it necessary to relieve herself on so many occasions that unless one stood out in particular as especially embarrassing or annoying they all blurred together.

This was different. Twilight probably would have rolled her eyes at the notion and pointed to everything that had led up to this being a change from the usual, but she was a little too wrapped up in the act to be a smartass. She had never once felt this good touching herself, even on the rare occurrence she used toys. There was a wide selection of fantasies that floated across her mind's eye as it always did, but beyond any new ones her methods were the exact same tried and true wway that she'd pushed herself to climax numerous instances prior. So then why was now such a deviation?

"Ah!"

Twilight's hips jerked, and a moment later she felt the flood coming. It was taking its sweet time to build up though, and she craved release in the moment more than she'd ever wanted anything else in her life. Every steely inch of dark purple fuckmeat resonated with energy as her digits dug with enough force into it to form divets. It was almost painful and dimly she knew she should have treated her goods a little kinder but she couldn't find it within herself to care.

Finally, it arrived. The orgasm that had been gaining in her loins had grown to the extent they couldn't hold onto the pressure any longer. A shout rang from her throat, and her entire body froze into a bucking arch. Her hands too were utterly unresponsive, but it was just as well when the first gout of jizz burst from her crown, carrying enough force behind it that it stretched the rubber out by a foot.
From there, the brain-blanking climax only continued. Rather than the rapid-fire succession of ropes each capable of filling a wine glass on their own as she'd come to expect, what met her was one long and continuous stream. Several times throughout the ordeal Twilight tried to keep track of how long it lasted, and each time her willpower or mental faculties gave out in face of overwhelming tides. After the fourth attempt she relented and let it happpen, falling back like a limp ragdoll with all limbs spread across the bed, eyes closed and mouth open in a drawn-out moan.

It went on for quite some time, markedly longer than any she'd had before. Her spunktanks were not infinite however, and eventually the reserves ran dry. A series of shorter loads followed the initial geyser, and by the time Twilight regained enough control to sit up they'd petered out to errant dribbles.

"Nnahh... hah... h-holy shit... ha..."

Twilight caught her breath and planted her palms firmly on the mattress below, clutching at the bedspread to stop herself from tilting backwards again. She needed to recover after that, but she was rudely prevented from doing so as the shock of the best nut she'd ever blown gave way to a fresh one at seeing how full her condom was. Tonight was just full of surprises it seemed, and she got the distinct feeling this wouldn't be the last.

Cautiously, as if she were afraid it might bite her, leaned forward and tugged the condom free of her pole - a pole which, she noted with no small dismay, was no less erect than it had been earlier. The sudden weight sagged the bloated container low, and she fumbled and nearly dropped it before getting a solid grip. With practiced motions her magic tied it shut, and she was left to hold it aloft like a bizarre curiosity before an enraptured audience.

The condom was stretched nearly to its limits. She could tell by just how uniform the surface was when she prodded at it with her pointer. To her further amazement she noted her ejaculate was so viscous it gave way to her with some resistance. If she had to guess it seemed nearly as thick as a honey or syrup, leaving her only to imagine how virile it was next to her other loads. Its size was also great, more than a beach ball's in total, and she wondered if she might be able to calculate the exact percentage and ratio at which her output was expanding.

Before she was able to ponder the possibilities of research, however, her attention was brought between her legs by a sudden and intense surge. It ran through her system like an electric current, and this time she wasn't able to keep her grip on the condom from slipping. Mercifully it landed on her bed with a hearty plap, but that was miles away from Twilight's present concern.

Not only was she still rock solid, but her previously voided ballsack had completely refilled itself to the brim with seed. Her jaw went a little slack as her pupils shrank, and she muttered mixed 'no's and curses under her breath. It shouldn't have been possible. It was like she hadn't cum at all. Even the most productive and potent specimens outlined in the books she'd read on the subject had some kind of refractory period.

"No, no, no. This can't... You can't... I just came!' Twilight flailed, throwing her arms up into the air in a fit. Her heart rate and breathing quickened, and she had to put both hands on her chest to calm herself down. "Okay, Twilight, okay... You're an alicorn. It makes sense you break the rules. You just have to take care of this for now so that you're not logging around a two-foot plus construction pipe and then you can ask Celestia in the most boring, medical, and totally not freaked out and ridiculously oversexualized way possible how to fix this. I mean, forget that she's basically the second closest thing you have to a mother besides your actual mom, haha!"

Her right eye Twitched, and Twilight felt herself starting to hyperventilate again. Before she devolved into hysterics, she remembered what Cadance taught her years ago and forced herself to repeat it.

She shut her eyes, and the first breath came in bringing with it all the tension and anxieties she had. She held them for a moment, then let it out into the world free of her body. She repeated it once, twice, three times and a few more until she was completely collected.

Naturally, the first thing that greeted her upon opening her eyes was her streetlamp pillar of a marecock. She chewed on her lower lip, knowing what she had to do but reluctant to do it. She was frankly a bit scared that it might get worse if she kept going, and she had no idea how much time it would take before she was decent, but what other options did she have? She couldn't go out like this, and illusion spells could only do so much. Even if she shunted it off to a pocket dimension, she would still feel it and all of its demands. There had been one and only one time she'd tested that theory, and the sheer embarrassment from her red face and sputtering was almost worse than popping a stiffie for everypony to see.

In the end, there was only ever really one choice.

The second session of the night felt, somehow, even better than the first. As did the third. And the fourth. And the eighth. By her thirteenth climax in a row a quiet voice told her she should probably be very worried right about now, but the rest of Twilight was far too stranded amidst a raging sea of nigh-endless orgasms to hear it. It simply felt too fucking good for her to stop.

The pace for her masturbatory frenzy was set by that point. She would open an unused condom, wrap it around her dick, jerk off, cum, then rinse and repeat. Each time she released another brand new batch of fresh and fertile fuckbatter into the world it was even more incredible than the last, and with each subsequent summit she hit her nerves became that much more hypersensitive. It was a vicious feedback loop, made all the more awe-inspiring by the fact that along with her raw pleasure, her loads were increasing as well. The sole reason the noise the condoms produced weren't heard as they strained louder and more desperately to hold onto Twilight's spooge was because her voice drowned them out.

Were it not for what happened on her twenty-fourth, she may have carried on like that for hours. There's a limit to everything though, and the poor condom learned that the hard way in its last act of service. Creaking, the rubber thinned out with every passing second as unfathomable liters of warm cream pushed it to its margins. After fighting back valiantly the magically-enhanced contraceptive gave up the ghost and popped at a volume high enough that Twilight could hear. Alas she could do nothing to brace herself for the successive deluge, which exploded outwards in all directions and coated everything around in a film of white goo. At least it was, if nothing else, enough to snap her out of her madness.

However dully in her blunted state of mind, Twilight patted herself on the back for having the foresight to waterproof the room. Freed from her own spell she thought that maybe, finally, she could rest.

And that was when she realized her balls actually felt heavier.