To Yield the Lightby RoyalPonySistersChaptersPrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8Chapter 4Chapter 5Prologue“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked. I try not to be too arrogant, but the sunset I made was rather beautiful. “I’ll grant you that, Celestia,” Discord said. Occasionally I go on walks with him. He may be the Lord of Chaos, but he is also a fellow immortal with a very unique perspective. That’s one of the main reasons I had Twilight Sparkle and the others set him free. His powers are terrible, yes, but they also have tremendous potential. Potential that I enjoy having at the disposal of the Kingdom of Equestria. “Do you keep me around just for the chaos, Celestia, or have you truly forgiven me?” Discord asked suddenly. Sometimes I think he can read minds. “That’s a rather loaded question, Discord. May I ask what inspired it?” I asked calmly. After centuries of diplomatic negotiations, I am quite adept at directing conversations from potentially explosive topics to more safe ones. The key is to move carefully yet purposefully. Discord gestured to the lush hills of Canterlot that surrounded us. “Well, we go on these walks out in nature to have deep philosophical debates on order and chaos and whatnot, not just silly small talk,” Discord said. “So I admit, I’m wondering. Here I am, walking with the most orderly creature of all making a beautiful orderly sunset, in a kingdom I tried to overturn- twice. So why give me another chance? I’m quite curious to hear your thinking on it.” “Well, I told you, Discord,” I said. “I believe your powers, although chaotic, can be used for the good of Equestria. So I decided to give you another chance. So far you have proven yourself.” “I see,” Discord said. He paused for a few moments too long, staring out at the setting Sun in the distance. “So it’s not true forgiveness, then.” I don’t like this conversation. “Surely extending a hoof to a former foe in friendship qualifies as forgiveness, does it not?” I said lightly. “You have a use for me. Had you not wanted access to my powers, I would still be trapped in stone. Not that I blame you for making those choices.” I sighed. “You can’t expect me to just give an enemy a chance to redeem himself purely out of kindness. I rule a kingdom. Decisions are not made simply.” “You did that for Luna,” he said pointedly. I really don’t like where this is going. Sometimes I swear Discord is deliberately trying to upset me. Still, I force myself to answer. “Luna was originally good. By giving her another chance, I was simply fixing something that had been wrong from long ago. Besides, she’s my sister.” “Oh, all good points, true, true,” Discord nodded. “But you sent Twilight Sparkle to save her while she actively wrought destruction, not after she had been defeated. And this was when you didn’t try to save her when she first went on a rampage. Surely that would have been a better time to redeem her.” I grit my teeth. “I don’t know what gave you that impression, Discord, but it is patently false. I did everything in my power to save Luna when she first turned into Nightmare Moon. She was beyond reason. I did what I did as a last resort, and there was no alternative.” A strange note entered Discord’s voice. “Of course there were alternatives, Celestia! For one, you could have let the world be destroyed.” “I meant an alternative that didn’t end in disaster.” “You’re still limiting your thinking too much; there were still other options. Your problem, Celestia, is that you think too orderly. To you, the only options that exist are total surrender or a blast with the Elements of Harmony. Think more chaotic!” “Such as what?” I said flatly. “You could have given her the Sun.” “What?” “Oh, really, Celestia, just think about it,” Discord exclaimed. “Luna was jealous of the admiration you received by bringing the Sun and the Day, versus her Moon and Night. Nightmare Moon might have been sufficiently shocked by you offering her the Sun to call off the end of the world and accept the offer. After all, it’s what she really wanted in the first place.” “I can’t give her the Sun, Discord. You know that!” He smirked. “Why not?” “Because it’s mine!” I don’t like how that came out. I rephrase it. “I mean, it isn’t mine, obviously, because it belongs to everypony. But it’s my job to control it. That’s what Harmony intended.” I said, furtively glancing over at my Sun-adorned flank. “Oh, Harmony, of couuurse,” Discord drawled. “That’s why you get rule the land and bear the Sun, and not Luna or me or anypony else. Harmony. Convenient explanation, Celestia. I suppose it’s a stronger answer than, ‘I like being in charge and I’m selfish.’” “You don’t even understand a fraction of the difficulties involved in ruling this kingdom, Discord, let alone sending Luna away.” I hiss, trying to keep my budding anger under control. Who does he think he is, to say this? I remind myself that he’s just trying to annoy me, and worse, he’s succeeding…. “Yes, yes,” he said impatiently. “So many hard decisions to be made. Like, ‘Should I save my sister or let her languish in the Moon for a thousand years? Ooh, I’m not sure!’” “I couldn’t have saved her! Luna wouldn’t even want the Sun! She loves the night and was upset other ponies didn’t appreciate it. It had nothing to do with the Sun and she’s never expressed any interest in it at all!” Discord grinned. “That’s what you want to think.” I’ve had enough. “Discord, I go on these walks with you to have serious discussions, not fantasize about silly ideas like this. If you are going to act like this, then our talk is over.” “Aww, too bad,” Discord said, starting to flap his wings and fly away. “I thought our conversation was pretty philosophical, but alas. Well, I’ll see you next week, then. And do think about what I told you!” He cackled. “I won’t.” It’s true. I will not give Discord’s foolishness any more thought. Because it is clearly false and it’s only purpose was to upset me. I have important, real things to do, I remind myself as I return to Canterlot Castle. Chapter 1“Good morning, Sister,” I said as I sat down at our mutual breakfast table. I was poised and ready to start a very busy day, checklist in horn and my loyal Raven at my side. Luna was already sitting at the table, looking rather disheveled after a long night. She returned my greeting weakly. “So, how was your night?” I asked, as we began eating. “Oh, it was fine,” Luna shrugged. “Some nightmares to dispel, a dark creature or two to fight, a little paperwork for the Royal Astronomical Society. The usual.” That doesn’t sound like a whole lot of work compared to what I have to do every day, but I don’t say that. No need to hurt her feelings. Instead I said, “Sounds like you got a lot done.” “I suppose,” Luna said, and took another bite. “What are you doing today?” “You don’t want to know,” I laughed, exchanging a glance with Raven. “We have to prepare for the Griffin Summit next week, choose a location for the Summer Sun Celebration, tax season is coming up, there are some nobles that need to be entertained, of course I still need to hold court….” Luna laughed. “I am sorry I asked.” I shook my head ruefully. “That’s not even half of it, unfortunately. I hope I’ll still have time to talk with you tonight at moonrise. If I can’t make it there, I apologize in advance.” “I understand.” Luna said. Then she got up to go to bed for the day and Raven and and I set off to conquer it. In the end, I did make it to the top of the West Tower to meet Luna, although it was fifteen minutes after moonrise. That isn’t too bad, all things considered. Still, I always try to be punctual. “It is alright,” Luna said, although I wonder if she really meant it. I have been late every day this week. I promise her I will do better, just like I promised yesterday. She nodded. “You look beautiful,” I said. She really did. The silvery moonlight shining on her dark coat and sparkling ethereal mane made her look almost otherworldly. The contrast to how she looked this morning was quite comical. “Thank you,” Luna said. She motioned for me to come over to her, and pointed at a small star at the corner of the sky. I racked my head, but I couldn’t identify it. Usually I can recognize any star instantly. Luna smiled at me. “See that star? It was born tonight.” “Really?” I asked in wonder. “I saw it appear during moonrise,” she said. “I know it is a new one because I did not recognize it, and I know every star.” “Are you going to name it?” I asked. “I have chosen a name, which I will submit to the Royal Astronomical Society tonight,” Luna said. “Think they will approve it?” I teased. Luna rolled her eyes. “They kind of have to, I think. After all, the night sky is my domain.” “Definitely,” I said. “I was never able to make it look as beautiful as you just did tonight.” Luna smiled a bit sadly, then said, “I am sure you did your best… but yes, when I first saw it… it was pretty awful.” A question popped out of my lips, unbidden. “Luna, have you ever wanted to raise the Sun?” Luna looked at me oddly. “That is quite a question, Celestia. What makes you ask?” “Oh, I don’t know,” I said casually, inwardly cursing myself for bringing it up. “I suppose it’s that- we were just talking about me raising the stars, so it got me thinking- what if you raised the Sun?” “I see,” Luna said. “I take it that as you did not particularly enjoy raising the stars, you wonder if I would enjoy raising the Sun?” “Would you?” I asked sincerely. “Well,” Luna said guardedly. “I assume that raising the Sun involves a lot of heat. And I do not really like heat.” “It does involve a lot of heat,” I said. “So I guess you probably wouldn’t like it, then?” I offered hopefully. Luna ignored me. “It also involves getting up quite early, every day. I certainly would not like that.” “Certainly,” I agreed happily. A feeling of relief spread through me. Of course Luna wouldn’t want to raise the Sun. The idea was preposterous! “Nevertheless,” Luna continued. “Even with those limitations in place, I would like to experience what it is like to raise the Sun. Light is a wonderful thing, after all.” “Oh,” I said softly. I mean, I couldn’t say that I was disappointed with her answer. It made sense, didn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to experience what I do every day? Anyway, she only said she wanted to try it out, not that she wanted to accept the Sun as hers. “Well, then, why don’t you raise the Sun tomorrow morning?” I heard myself say. Luna stared at me in shock. “You cannot be serious.” “I absolutely am. After all, I performed your duties for a thousand years. It is only fair that I offer you at least one opportunity to perform mine. Think of this not as favor, but as a debt.” Luna pondered that slowly. Then a smile broke out on her face. “Thank you, Celestia,” she said excitedly. “This really means a lot to me.” “The pleasure is mine,” I lied, and then we walked down the stairs of the West Tower and I went to my bedchambers and Luna guarded the night. Chapter 2When I woke up in the morning I had an odd feeling that I couldn’t quite place. There was something very important that I forgot, I thought. After failing to remember while I prepared my hair and coat, I decided to set out to the East Tower to raise the Sun. That ought to clear my mind. When I got there, Luna was waiting there for me. “Hello, Celestia!” she called out jovially. Ohhh. That’s what I had forgotten. I resolved not to let her realize that. “Good morning, Luna. Ready to raise the Sun?” She nodded. “I hope so. I am really nervous but also quite excited. I presume it is not too different from raising the Moon?” In my opinion, it’s very different, but I understood what she was trying to say. “It is different, but you can definitely apply what you know about controlling the Moon to the Sun,” I said. “Alright, then,” Luna said with determination. “I’m sure you’ll do a great job and really enjoy it,” I reassured her. Personally, I thought she was very likely to hate it, but who knows. Anything is possible. Luna took a deep breath and aimed her horn at my Sun. It barely rose. She was trying to move it like the Moon, with delicateness and grace. The Sun likes force and power. “Push harder,” I told her. She complied, and more than doubled the strength of her magic. The sun began to rise. Slowly but surely, wobbling but steadily, the Sun rose and it was Day. I stomped my front hooves in the ground in appreciation. “Good job, Luna.” Luna turned around. She looked exhilarated and her face was quite literally glowing in the sunlight shining over the East Tower. “Celestia, that was amazing!” “It was?” I asked. “But wasn’t it hot? I thought you don’t like heat. And you don’t really like to be walking about at this hour.” “That is true,” Luna mused, “but even with all that, it was amazing. I mean the Sun is so warm, and light and powerful… it is just wonderful.” How could I argue with that? “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I said. Luna smiled at me broadly. “Thank you so much, Celestia. You are very kind to let me do this, Sister.” “It’s nothing, really,” I said uncomfortably. “It most certainly is not,” Luna said firmly. “How would you like to do this again tomorrow?” I blurted out. “I could not ask that of you, Celestia,” Luna said, shaking her head. “The Sun is yours. I was merely borrowing it.” “The Sun belongs to everypony, not just me,” I forced myself to say. “Besides, I raised and lowered the Moon and stars for a thousand years. What’s a few days of you raising and lowering the Sun in comparison to that? Like I said, don’t think of this as a gift. If you want to keep raising the Sun, you can do it for as long as you want.” “I- thank you, Celestia,” Luna said, hugging me with her wings. “Maybe I will do it for just a couple more days. You are the most generous pony I know, truly.” “Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy,” I told her. “If controlling the Sun makes you happy, then I want you to have a chance to do that. Please enjoy yourself.” “I will.” She followed me down the stairs to breakfast, beaming. I smiled back at her, but I felt an uncomfortable cold feeling sitting in my heart. I ignored it. Surely I could last just a couple more days. At the breakfast table, Raven and I went over the items for the day. Thankfully, today wouldn’t be quite as busy as the last few days have been. “The good news is I’ve managed to delegate some tasks so that Your Highness can focus on more important things. The tax bureau is going to outline most of the changes themselves and you’ll only have to look over the very final review. And the governor of Canterlot was more than willing to oversee the preparations for this year’s Garden Party. You’ll still have to deal with the nobles of course; they won’t settle for any less than a Princess herself. But I’ve managed to shorten your list quite a bit.” “Harmony bless you, Raven. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said sincerely. Raven bowed her head humbly. “Thank you, Your Highness. I saw how busy you’ve been these past few weeks and I’ve been working with lots of ponies to delegate even more than usual going forward. You shouldn’t have to do everything yourself. There are plenty of very capable ponies in Canterlot.” “You amaze me Raven, you really do. Your organizational skills give Twilight Sparkle a run for her money, but don’t tell her I said that.” Really, what am I going to do when Raven inevitably retires? I don’t even want to think about it. We still have a good few decades left…. “Umm, Sister?” Luna piped up shyly. I turned to her. “Yes?” “Perhaps I could be of assistance in this process of ‘delegation’?” she asked. “You want to help? But Luna, you’ve worked all night. You must be so tired at this hour!” I responded, feeling confused. “Usually I would be, but I feel quite rejuvenated this morning. Must be the sunlight.” Luna giggled. Giggling? Luna never giggles. Especially not in the early morning. Come to think about it, she did look a lot better this morning than she usually did. Must really be the sunlight. I glanced over at Raven. “Well, we could always use another set of hooves. Got anything that Luna could do?” Raven smirked. “Princess Luna, how would you like to entertain some nobles? You’re the only pony I could delegate this task to, as they refuse to deal with anypony but a Princess.” “I would be happy to.” Luna said firmly. “Great!” Raven said. “Well, I can cross this off the list then.” She flourished her quill grandly as she removed the item. “It’s at 10:00 in the Tea Room, so you have some time. Topics include moaning about all the riffraff moving into Canterlot and complaints about tax rates. Do enjoy yourself.” We all had a good laugh and left to our respective tasks. It was a good thing Raven managed to knock off about forty percent of my regular schedule because at the end of the day I felt more drained than I did on any other day if the week. Even though it was not that late, I barely made it through dinner before I excused myself to bed and lay down. Philomena landed on my chest and cuddled there. The warmth carried in a phoenix is highly magical and comparable to a real fire. Having her on me definitely improved things and I stroked her until we fell asleep together. Chapter 3When I woke up I had that odd feeling again, but only for a second. I remembered that Luna was raising the Sun this morning. I decided that, if Luna was taking care of it, I could go back to sleep, something I haven’t been able to do since… more than a millennium ago? I can’t even remember at this point. It seemed like a more pleasant idea than getting up, anyhow. “Squawk!” “Huh? Philomena?” “Squawk!” “Oh, no, how late is it?” Thankfully not that late. I only slept for an extra half hour, so I would only be a little late to breakfast. “And that’s why sleeping late is generally a bad idea,” I told Philomena. Another reason it’s a bad idea? It makes getting up much harder. I’ve never had a problem getting up quite literally before the crack of dawn, but getting up after it? I just wanted to crawl back into bed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, especially when you are a Princess. Perhaps this could be considered a “learning experience”. “Good morning, Sister,” I said when I arrived at the table. “Same to you, Sister,” Luna responded. “May I ask, why so late? I do not think I have ever arrived here before you.” I shrugged and stretched my wings a bit before sitting down. “I decided to sleep in today,” I said. “Really?” Luna asked. “How was it?” “I don’t know how ponies tolerate it,” I admitted, after taking a sip of my tea. “It made me more tired than before.” Luna laughed. “I would not say that is necessarily the case, but yes, that can happen.” Raven and I discussed the schedule, and Luna once again volunteered to perform some of the activities, which we gratefully accepted. “Luna seems a bit different these days, I noticed,” Raven told me as we go to perform the first item on the schedule. “Oh? How so?” I asked. Raven paused thoughtfully. “I guess she just seems a bit more… personable. Enthusiastic. Awake. I mean, before yesterday she never offered to help with royal duties before.” “Really?” I said. “I don’t know about that, Raven. She heard you talking about delegating and offered to help a bit. I wouldn’t read too much into it.” Raven looked at me oddly. “I don’t know, Your Highness. She seemed… well, she seemed a lot happier than usual.” My heart sank. “Did she?” “Definitely,” Raven said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before yesterday. She is usually rather- how shall I say it- grouchy in the mornings.” “She must have discovered her inner morning pony,” I muttered, and we didn’t discuss the topic anymore. That night, I felt even more exhausted than yesterday. I barely made it to dinner. Luna recounted her day to me and I nodded along, but I just wanted to go to bed. Even walking up the stairs to my bedchambers felt like too much. Luckily, I have magic at my disposal, so I transported myself there and lay down with Philomena again until we fell asleep. When I got up that morning I did not sleep late. No need for a repeat of yesterday. Unfortunately, that didn’t make getting up any more pleasant. I managed to drag myself out of bed soon enough to make it to watch Luna’s last day of raising the Sun. “Beautiful,” I said. “I just want to say thank you again, Celestia,” Luna said wistfully. “This has been an amazing experience for me.” “I know,” I said. It was clear that Luna really had been enjoying the Sun; not just enjoying it but flourishing in it in a way that she was never been able to- in a way that I never allowed her to- before. I know what I have to do, but I try not to think about. “You should keep doing it,” I heard myself say. Luna’s ears perked up. “Really?” “Yes. For as long as you want to. You only did it for three days now. That’s not very long at all. Maybe you’d want to do it for, say, a month. How does that sound?” Luna said nothing, and then hugged me tightly. “A month! Thank you!” “My pleasure. A month it is.” I knew she was never going to give it back. I try not to think about what that means. Chapter 6The sun is speaking to me, I think. It’s funny how I never heard it when I bore it, but now that I have given it up I hear it clear as day. I miss you, Celestia, it told me. Please come back to me. Luna will never raise me the way you do. “I miss you, too,” I told it. “But I can’t come back to you. It’s… for the best.” Oh, please, it scoffed. ‘It’s for the best’? Don’t give me that. I’m miserable without you. I miss you every second of the day. I’m freezing without you. I need you. The sun can very selfish at times. It’s a good thing I’m not. “Bye, Sun,” I told it as I left to perform my duties. “I’ll talk to you later.” That’s a lie, of course. The sun speaks to me all the time, and I never let my duties get in the way of an answer. We only had three tasks in the list for today, which was good, because as it was it felt like three too many. Raven had been incredibly accommodating about making a schedule that I could handle, which was why it surprised me when she asked me to play chess with her afterwards. “You know I can’t do that, Raven,” I said apologetically. “There’s just too many things I’m already so behind on; I can’t spend my spare time on leisure.” “But we haven’t played in weeks!” She protested. “I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. But I just can’t play now.” She was insistent. So insistent, in fact, that I gave in. Arguments take up a lot of your energy. We sat down in the tearoom where we normally played, and Raven set up the board. I would be white, she would be black- as usual. I was about to start, when, to my surprise, Raven levitated the game board up two feet above our heads. “What is the meaning of this?” I asked her, befuddled. “I want to make the game more exciting,” Raven said. “If we float the game above our heads it will make things more challenging and interesting. Why don’t you go?” My heart sank. There was simply no way I would be levitating multiple chess pieces on a board I couldn’t see. Now if only to come up with a convincing excuse… “Well?” Raven interjected. “I don’t want to play this way, if you don’t mind,” I said. “Don’t want to, or can’t?” Raven said harshly. My heart stopped. “What are you saying?” I said as casually as possible. Raven sighed and looked at me for a long time. “Your Highness, you’ve done an admirable job of putting on a front for everypony in the castle, but I spend all day with you. You can’t exactly expect me not to notice the complete deterioration of your magical abilities.” “Raven…” I said slowly, trying to think of a response, something to fend off her accusations, to sow doubt in her mind. She looked at me, her eyes glinting strangely. “Do you deny it?” she asked softly. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. What was there to say? “How long has this been going on for?” she asked. I didn’t say anything. Raven shook her head at me. To my shock, I could spot tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “Princess. Celestia. I am asking you, not only as a faithful servant but as a friend. You need to seek help. I’ve known ponies who ignored things for a long time… and it didn’t end well for them.” I don’t know what I was expecting Raven to say, but that was not it. I almost wanted to laugh. If only that would help, I would gladly do it! No, this was beyond all that. “What pony were you referringto?” I asked instead. Raven sighed. “My mother. Cancer. She had it before and didn’t want to believe it was back. By the time she believed it, it was too late.” I had no idea. “I’m so sorry.” “I should’ve tried to fight her more. I was scared if I did she might shut me out, and I didn’t want to antagonize a sick pony. But I was wrong. I was an enabler. And I won’t be one again.” She looked at me fiercely. “If you’re really sorry, Celestia, then do what I asked you. See a doctor. Or a healer. Or… something.” “Raven, it won’t help.” I protested. “So you’re not even going to try? You’re just going to sit down and let this happen? Do something!” She said sternly. “You don’t understand,” I said weakly. Raven glared at me. “You’re darn right I don’t. I don’t understand how the most selfless, responsible, wise pony I know could make such a selfish, reckless, stupid decision like this. Even if you don’t care about your own health, you’re the ruler of Equestria. So many ponies are dependent on you. How many guards and servants are toiling away in this very castle for you, thinking everything is fine? When you I inevitably collapse, nopony will know what to do. My mother’s foolishness only hurt me. Your are selfishly putting every pony in Equestria in danger.” Selfishly. Oh, the irony. If she only knew how much I was sacrificing for Luna, to keep Equestria safe, she wouldn’t dare say this. She had no right. “I am not selfish.” I told Raven. She sighed. “Then please tell me why you’re doing this? I mean, do you think your magic is going to come back? Am I missing something here?” “Well…,” I hemmed. She had just given me an opening. “The truth, is dear Raven, this ‘loss of magic’- it’s an Alicorn process. We… renew ourselves. It happens every few hundred years or so.” She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?” I sighed dramatically. “I was trying to keep it quiet. As you pointed out, I am the ruler of all of Equestria. If word came out that I lost my magic, panic would ensue and enemies might take advantage of my weakness and attack. Better to keep it quiet, since it will eventually come back on its own. But,” I said, turning to her, “I should have told you about it. I’m sorry, Raven. I apologize.” Raven’s face softened, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that does sound reassuring… if it wasn’t a pile of horse apples!” “Pardon me?” “I mean that it’s a pile of horse apples. I can tell from how you’re talking that you probably came up with that explanation on the spot, but those lies don’t work on me. There’s no way you would regularly lose your magic, and you told nopony, and had no plan on dealing with it in the meanwhile. That’s far more dangerous than anypony finding out about this. I can’t believe you would be that foolish.” She glanced at me suspiciously. “At least I hope you wouldn’t. Either tell me the real reason, or admit you don’t know and get sompony who can find out!” Briefly I considered going along with her, fetching some useless doctor to pronounce that he too, had no idea what was wrong just so she would stop thinking I was blindly ignoring all this, but I rejected the idea. There was just too much risk that Luna would find out, and then she might find how selfish I’ve been…. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” I told Raven softly. Raven stared at me for a long time. “In that case… I quit.” “What?” Raven looked at me sadly. “I’m not helping you with this charade any longer. I can’t force you to get help, but I can refuse to assist you in this… farce. We both know that if I hadn’t been rearranging your schedule, you’d have collapsed weeks ago.” “Raven, wait,” I said desperately. But I didn’t know what to say. “I’m not being an enabler again,” she said firmly, and then got up and left. Chapter 7I can’t believe she did that! I told the setting Sun furiously that evening. She’s always been out to get us. She probably made the schedule extra full just to make it more exhausting. I don’t think that’s true…, I responded, unsure. Raven has always tried to make us miserable. Just like Luna, the Sun said. Really? It was so hard to believe Raven and Luna would do that. Of course. Who separated us? Luna. She’s always hated us. Since Nightmare Moon. And look at her now, taking me away from you, making us miserable, the sun spat. Raven is probably secretly helping her. Oh, I hope not, I sighed. I bid the Sun good night and tried to get some sleep. When I dragged myself to the breakfast table Luna was already sitting there, looking perfect as always. Which made me very happy, actually. Luna was eating moonberry pancakes. “Celestia, do you want any?” she asked. I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.” I haven’t been hungry in days. How can I be, when it will never sate me like the Sun did. I need you, it called to me. Celestia, I need you. Don’t leave me with her. Celestia- “Celestia!” My thoughts were interrupted. I looked up at Luna blankly. “I was just asking you where Raven is. She should be here by now.” “Oh,” I said dully. “She quit.” Luna looked shocked. “She… what? Why?” “Family matter,” I said. It was true, kind of, if you stretched it. Luna looked distraught. “How are we supposed to carry out our duties without her keeping track of the schedule?” “I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I muttered. Luna looked at me curiously. “Celestia, are you alright? I know you and Raven were close. And you seem awfully tired.” “I…” I did feel awful. I’m so, so cold and tired. But it’s not Raven I miss. Still, the thought of trying to make it through the day without her exhausts me already. I just can’t do it. Anyways, Luna basically handles everything now anyways. “Actually, I feel rather tired. I did a lot last night. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go back to bed for now.” “Well alright, Celestia. Feel better.” Luna said. It sounded kind, I guess. I concentrated on dragging myself back to my bedroom. If only I had my magic, I could teleport myself and be back in an instant. Instead, it takes all my legs and my wings working together to drag me there, quite slowly. The Sun coaxed me the entire time. Come, Celestia, I’m waiting for you under the blanket. Come so I can be warm. But when I get there I was still freezing and the blankets didn’t help. What I needed was Philomena. “Philomena,” I called out to her. “I know you hate this; I’m sorry, but can you please lie down with me?” I heard an annoyed response but I didn’t see her anywhere. “Philomena?” I called out again. “Where are you?” I heard a louder response from the side and turned my head to look. It was coming from the fireplace. Philomena loves sitting in it. Since she’s a phoenix, it’s perfectly safe for her. She looked so comfortable and… warm in there. “Please come out,” I pleaded with her. “I know you like it there but I need you.” She shook her head angrily. Poor Philomena was sick and tired of being my Sun substitute for the past few weeks. I couldn’t really blame her for it. I had been making her sleep with me far more times than she was happy to. But I still felt so cold! I stole a furtive glance at the hot fireplace. The dancing flames looked so warm and inviting. I knew I wasn’t supposed to go in there, but why not? Philomena was there and she was comfortable. It was just so nice and warm. I couldn’t really think of any good reason why I shouldn’t go in. I decided to compromise and go in for a short time. I bent my head down and crawled into the fireplace. I was instantly filled with the wonderful, Sun-like heat I craved. I felt a vague sensation of discomfort on my skin but it was easily ignored. The flames jumped playfully around me as I took in their heat. It just felt so good. There was no way I was leaving this place anytime soon. “Look Philomena,” I laughed. “I’m here with you!” Philomena looked up at me from preening her feathers and squawked loudly in alarm. “What is it, girl?“ I asked, reaching out to her. She immediately darted out of the fireplace and flew right out of my doorway, screeching loudly all the while. I had no idea what got into her, but I didn’t have the energy to follow her and find out. The fireplace was irresistible. I decided to go to sleep in this most comfortable place. Chapter 8I wasn’t in the fireplace when I woke up. I wasn’t sure where I was when I first woke up. I was in a bed, but it didn’t feel like mine. I realized I couldn’t see where I was because somepony had covered my eyes. Actually, somepony had covered my whole body in some kind of soft material. I wished I could use my magic to take it off so I could see but of course that was impossible. At least I had my ears. I became aware that there was a conversation going on, between Luna and… some other pony whom I didn’t know. (Luna) “How serious do you think it is?” (Strange pony) “Extremely. She’s got third degree burns all over. If that bird hadn’t come to you when it did… I shudder to think-“ (Luna) “Me too. Thank Harmony for Philomena. I just- I do not understand why she would- it is just so unlike her!” (Strange pony) “I know. I know you can’t know what’s going on in a pony’s heart but this truly shocked me. Hopefully when she wakes up you can try to get some sort of explanation out of her. I just can’t believe she didn’t have some sort of reason.” (Luna) “When she wakes up- do you think that will happen soon? She’ll be alright?” (Strange pony) “I expect her to wake up in the next few hours. Her vitals started looking better a few hours ago. As for recovery- we foresee a long road ahead here. These sorts of injuries tend towards complications down the line. We’ll do our best but you really need to appreciate how arduous the healing process can be for something like this.” (Luna) “But… Celestia has magic to help with healing. Alicorns can recover quite quickly from all sorts of injuries.” (Strange pony) “That’s the other thing I wanted to discuss, Your Highness- we expected the Princess’ Alicorn magic to shorten her recovery time but as far as we can tell that hasn’t been happening. We actually ran some tests and, well…” (Luna) “What?” (Strange pony) “She has magic levels that are frankly unimpressive for a Unicorn, let alone an Alicorn.” (Luna) “How can that be?” (Strange pony) “We honestly have no idea. For all we know she purposefully drained herself of her magic before she stepped into the fireplace with the intent to-well-“ (Luna) “No. Celestia would never do something like that. I just cannot believe that. How do we know she had not lost all her magic before?” (Strange pony) “That’s the thing; we don’t. What you’re saying is entirely possible, we just don’t know. Hopefully you can talk to her when she comes to and we can try to start and piece everything together.” (Luna) “I- alright, Doctor. I guess I shall just stay in here til she wakes. Thank you kindly for all your help.” (Strange pony) “You are sincerely welcome, Your Majesty. Truly, I am so sorry this is happening. I promise that every one of us here will do everything we can to make sure Princess Celestia makes a full recovery.” The second pony left the room and Luna started walking towards me. She put her hoof onto my hoof and I think she started crying. “Oh, Celestia,” she said. “Why o why would you do this?” “Luna?” I said. “Celestia! You are awake? Are you alright? Does anything hurt?” “Yes, I’m awake,” I said. “I don’t feel too much pain, just a lot of numbness and cold. But I can’t see. Would you be able to take off whatever it is that’s covering my eyes?” Luna sighed with relief. “At least you are not in pain. The medication must be working. But I am not sure I can uncover your eyes. I think the doctor needs to do that.” “Please?” I begged. “It’s so frustrating not being able to see.” “Well- fine, but do not tell the doctor that it was me.” Luna finally agreed. She carefully levitated off the bandages on my eyes so I could look up into her tear-filled ones. “Celestia… what happened? What did you do it?” “Do what?” I asked her, confused. I don’t believe she knows about why I gave her the Sun. “Why did you climb into the fireplace? Were you trying to-to- end your life? I mean, if Philomena had not come in time…” I looked at her in horror. “Luna, of course I would do no such thing. I merely went in to the fireplace because I was cold.” “YOU WERE COLD?” Luna asked in shock. “Celestia, please be serious. Why did you go into the fireplace?” “I am being serious,” I said. “I was cold and it helped me feel warm.” Truthfully, I was beginning to get a bit annoyed at her. I gave her my beautiful Sun and all that came with it, I had suffered from bone-chilling cold for weeks, and yet she was angry that I had tried to keep warm? Yes, I could now see that I hadn’t been completely responsible, but it was just an honest mistake. Luna gaped at me. “Why would you need to go into the fireplace to keep warm? Why could you not just put on a sweater or something?” “You think I haven’t tried that? It doesn’t help me! Philomena’s the only one who can, and she didn’t want to! You don’t understand how cold I am, Luna.” I said sadly. “All I wanted was to feel warm inside.” She stared at me for a long time. The she said, slowly, “Celestia, why do you feel so cold?” “Well-I… because I- I…” I can feel tears building in up in my eyes. I don’t want to tell Luna how selfish I am and that I won’t let her be happy. But I can’t pretend everything is fine anymore. It’s not. “Does it have to with how you lost your magic?” She asked. I nodded. “Wh-when I gave you the sun-“ Luna gasped. “You gave me the Sun because you were losing your magic? Celestia, that was weeks and weeks ago. Why did you not say-“ “No! No!” I said. “I started losing my magic after- because I gave you the Sun. And I started feeling cold.” “Oh,” Luna said. She gazed at me with genuine confusion. “Well, then Celestia, why didn’t you simply ask for the Sun back then?” “Because- because- because- I- I wanted you to be happy. I saw how happy you were when you raised the sun, all the energy and confidence it gave you and- and how could I even think of taking that away from you, Luna, I’m sorry. But I’m just so cold I just- I just-“ I buried my bandage wrapped face into my pillow and wept. “I miss my Sun, Luna, I miss it every second of every single day, I miss being warm and holding quills with magic and not being tired all the time. I thought I could learn to live without it but I just can’t. I’m sorry, Luna, I’m sorry.” “Celestia- you did this all to make me happy?” I sniffled. “Well you were, weren’t you? Admit it. You love the Sun. I’m sorry I’m so greedy and selfish-“ “Celestia!” Luna took a deep breath. “Yes, I did like raising the Sun and doing your job. I’m grateful to have had the experience. But how can it make me happy if I know that me doing it makes you so sick and depressed that you would climb into a fireplace just to get warm! Celestia, you not wanting to live like that does not make you greedy or selfish. The fact that you were even willing to try such a thing just shows me for the thousandth time that you are the most selfless pony in Equestria. And if after all this I insisted on keeping the Sun after seeing what happens to you without it? Why, what would that make me? It would make me a monster!” Luna glared at me ferociously. “It is honestly quite hurtful that you would even think that I would want to keep the Sun when keeping it from you is literally killing you. How could you possibly think I could put my own desires ahead of your life?” “Well, you did before…” I muttered quietly, lowering my gaze from her. Her eyes widened. “What do you mean- oh”. She stared at me for a long time, her eyes welling up with tears. “Celestia… you cannot possibly believe I am the same pony I was then. Surely you do not believe that?” She said softly, a hint of desperation entering her voice. I still can’t meet her eyes. “Of course I know you aren’t Nightmare Moon anymore!” I exclaim. Luna’s eyes narrowed. “But.” “Well- if you were willing to betray Equestria once- I’m not saying you would do it again, I’m not- then- well- isn’t it good to take certain… precautions so as to make those events… even more unlikely? By ensuring your happiness.” Her voice is shaking with both fury and hurt. “Such as giving me the Sun in the hopes that it would quench all jealousy I could possibly have of you?” “… yes,” “Celestia, I thought- I truly believed you had realized I am not the same pony I was then.” There is a hitch in her voice. “I thought you forgave me.” “I did forgive you, Luna!” I exclaimed. “From the moment I used the Elements against you I forgave you? How could I not? You’re my sister. I love you. I always have. And that’s why I gave you the Sun. Because I love you and I want you to be happy.” “That is not was forgiveness is, Sister,” she said bitterly. “You can love somepony and still bear a grudge against her. Forgiveness is restoring the trust that once existed, of recognizing that sincere regret and repentance can change a pony so profoundly that sins of the past are truly unrepeatable. It is clear you do not believe that about me.” “Luna, I- I do- it’s just that-“ I couldn’t seem to find the words to explain to her that she is wrong and that I have always forgiven her.” “Hush,” Luna said sadly, stroking my hide with her soft wings. “It was unfair of me to expect that of you, after all I did you you.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead, her wet tears mixing with my own. “I know you love me, ‘Tia, I have never doubted that, even in my darkest moments. What this whole debacle shows is what has always been true- you would do anything for me, short of destroying Equestria. I hope one day you will believe that the same applies for I to you.” I want to believe her, I truly do. But something still gnaws in my mind. “I’ll believe you if you promise me one thing, Luna.” I say to her. “Luna, if I would have offered Nightmare Moon the Sun, can you guarantee that it would not have stopped her ?” Luna’s face froze. “Celestia- I-“ She paused. “No Celestia, I cannot guarantee that. I do not know if it would have satisfied her but I cannot rule it out,” she said quietly. “Then I am right to do this!” I wailed miserably. “How can I deny you the Sun when it very well might have stopped her, stopped a thousand years of you suffering in exile, stopped me from losing you for so long!” “Because, Celestia, it is not your responsibility to make me happy with the role Fate has given me. That is my job, and admittedly I have done a pretty poor job at it. Even if you giving up the Sun would have satisfied Nightmare Moon, you could still not be faulted for refusing. If the only way she- or I- could find happiness would be by destroying yours- then she has no right to be happy.” I looked over at her. Her eyes were so bright and her face was so earnest. And yet…. “I still want you be happy, Luna.” She put her hoof on me. “I can still be happy, Celestia. Raising the Moon makes me happy. Arranging the stars makes me happy. Helping ponies in their dreams makes me happy. And yes, seeing you happy- sometimes it makes me jealous but it also makes me happy! And I can guarantee you this. While I do not know if Nightmare Moon would have taken the Sun, she would surely never ever return it. But I will. Because I am not the same pony I was then. Because I do not need the Sun to be happy. But you do, Sister. Please, take what is yours.” I looked at her in wonder. “I accepted you years ago because you are my sister, not because you were worthy. But now I can see you are not the same pony you were then. You truly deserve everything I returned to you.” “Then do you forgive me?” She asks, her voice filled with trepidation. “I do,” I said, and I truly meant it. “Thank you,” Luna smiled. “That is- a bigger relief than you could possibly imagine. But I believe there is one more order of business.” “Which is?” I asked, curious. “I take it you will take back the Sun, yes?” “Oh- YES!” At this I leapt from the bed and towards the window. I tore out with me teeth the medicine line that had been attached to my wing. I poured every last bit of magic I had left into searching the heavens for my sun until my magic touched it. And with my last bit of magic I brought it down and felt its warmth and light rush through me. Finally my chest felt whole again! Finally I felt magic crackling in my horn and healing my burns! Finally I held my star again. Finally it was Dawn again. “I’ll never give you up again,” I whispered to it, happy tears streaming down my cheeks. “I missed you so much!” I missed you more, the Sun answered. I noticed Luna staring at me strangely. “What, do you think it is strange for me to speak to the Sun?” I asked. “Oh, no, it is not that- but Celestia, it is supposed to be the middle of the night!” “Oh,” I said, blushing. I turned to the Sun. “I suppose I have to put you back out. But we’ll see each other in a few hours. I can’t wait. I turned to Luna. “I am so sorry.” Luna smiled. “I forgive you. I am sure this will never happen again.” “It won’t.” “Good to hear. Well, in that case, I think I shall try to catch a few hours of sleep before the morning. I have a feeling sunrise will be especially beautiful this morning.” “It will, Sister. That I promise.” Chapter 4The next few weeks were more of the same. Luna gradually took over more and more of my workloads, even as Raven delegated more and more to others. It didn’t help. Every day was more draining then the next. Worse, I felt a persistent chill that could not be warmed by any blanket. I missed the fires of the Sun. But Luna was happy, and that was what mattered. “At least I still have you, Philomena,” I told her one miserable evening. Philomena’s fiery body pressed against mine could at least improve the chills. Her feathers were soft and lustrous, unlike my mane which had lost a lot of its energy and sheen. She squawked unhappily. Phoenixes do not like being held. Like fire, they like to fly freely. But I had been holding her an awful lot lately. She tolerated it because she knows me, but she had not been enjoying being my warmth every night for the past few weeks. “I know you don’t like this,” I told her. “Thank you for doing it anyways.” I had been hoping the chills would go away after a week or so of being separated from my Sun, but my body didn’t seem to have acclimated at all. In fact, the opposite had occurred, with the cold feeling growing more intense over time. Clearly, Philomena could not be a permanent solution. I decided to check the library. Surely there was a spell that could simulate internal warmth for an extended period of time. After scouring the library for a bit the next evening, I was able to find something. Now, finding a spell to simulate heat is fairly easily, actually. I know at least half a dozen off the top of my head. But what I needed was not just warmth, but internal fire. Eventually an obscure spell on dragon flame did the trick. The relief was instantaneous. “I won’t be bothering you anymore, Philomena,” I told her resolutely. She squawked happily in assent. That night, after weeks of sleeping with me, she flew out to hunt in the Canterlot Gardens. The next few days were fairly uneventful. My duties were still exhausting, but no longer were they coupled with the feeling of being frozen internally, which did wonders for my mood. Luna was happy as ever, which was nice to see, and I had finally found equilibrium. “I knew I would eventually be able to accept giving up the Sun,” I told Philomena one night. “Yes, it was difficult, but ultimately I think it’s better for everypony this way. If Luna’s happy, the kingdom is safer, and if the kingdom is safer, I’m a better ruler- and a better sister. The Sun, while an important symbol of my power, was never the important thing at all.” It all made sense, but I silently apologized to my beloved Sun for saying that it was unimportant. That next day started out bad, and ended up worse. When I woke up, my dragon flame spell had worn off, and I was freezing. Oh, how I longed for the warmth of my Sun! But that was not important, I reminded myself. The important thing was that my spell had warn off halfway through. I must have been distracted when I cast it, which did not bode well for the day. I quickly recast it and hoped it would have better staying power this time. After breakfast Raven and I went on to go through the activities for the day. Most of it was the regular boring drudge, but we also had to pickup a box full of ancient scrolls that had been discovered at the Castle of the Two Sisters. Normally such mundane things such as transferring scrolls to a library would be far outside the purview of the Ruler of Equestria but there was an outside chance that these particular scrolls contained instructions for some fairly ancient dark magic that were not for most pony eyes to see. Considering that I would be the most equipped to identify and remove these dark objects, I had elected to go through the tomes myself. And besides, it was certainly a more interesting task than most of what I do. I levitated the box carefully as Raven and I walked towards my personal library. “It makes me nervous just looking at that box, Your Majesty,” she told me. “You are right to feel that way, Raven. Whatever is in this box is quite possibly illegal dark magic that nopony has seen in centuries. Hopefully it will stay that way after I’m through with it.” Then, and I can’t say exactly how it happened, the entire box fell to the ground and dozens of illegal scrolls rolled out in every direction, across the hallway. Some of those scrolls belched out dark dust with the distinctive odor of dark magic, while others continued to roll around in an uncanny manner that almost made them seem alive in some way. Raven stared at me in shock and horror. “Your Highness, what happened?” “I- I don’t know,” I admitted. One second the box had been fully within my magical grasp and the next second it hadn’t. I couldn’t for the life of me explain it. “Well, it’s all right, l’ll just pick this all up,” I decided, but Raven interrupted me. “DO NOT pick that up, Your Highness. Those are dark magic containing scrolls. Protocol is not to touch anything containing unknown dark magic.” She whistled at a guard at the end of the corridor. “You. Contact the dark magic safety squad and tell them there’s been an incident. Nopony was hurt. Make sure they clean this up.” The guard nodded and galloped off. Thankfully everything ended up being okay. The safety squad was able to properly remove the dark scrolls, which turned out not to be particularly nasty, at least on the scale of evil dark magic. But Raven kept asking me why I dropped the box. “I don’t know,” I kept saying. “I guess these things just happen occasionally? It is odd.” “Perhaps the scrolls had some kind of enchantment to prevent them from being moved?” Raven theorized. “Possible, but then how were they moved all the way from the Everfree forest so easily? I suspect it was just bad luck.” I pointed out. “I guess,” Raven said, not fully satisfied. I didn’t really think about it again until breakfast a few days later when I accidentally smashed a plate I was trying to pass. “Wow, Celestia, butterhorn again? Between this and that box a few days ago…” Luna teased. I blushed. “I don’t know if those two things are related, Luna, but point taken.” Raven frowned. “Odd that you should drop two things within a week of each other.” Luna waved her hoof disparagingly and laughed. “Not odd if Celestia is actually quite clumsy.” Raven sighed. “But she’s not. At least, not until this week.” Luna rolled her eyes. “Yes, Raven. I was only teasing, alright.” While I hoped the incidents of the week could be swiftly forgotten, the opposite occurred. They began to increase in frequency, to the point that I tried to avoid levitation whenever possible. Other spells, like my dragon flame spell, failed often and rarely lasted for their intended duration, leading to constant recastings. After a week or so of this, I had to admit that something had seriously gone awry with my magic. “What do you think could be the cause of it?” I asked Philomena one dusk as I pored through books looking for answers. She sighed and pointed her wing at the setting Sun. In my heart I knew she was right. “Well, what am I supposed to do then? I gave it to Luna! I can’t take it back now,” I protested. In general I tried not to think about the Sun as much as possible, because I missed it so much. The Sun never heeded my pleas, of course, injecting itself into my mind against my will and whispering to me. I have read about ponies that had a limb amputated but still felt pain from the “phantom” limb in their mind. I hoped the Sun wasn’t my phantom limb, but it truly felt like a part of me had been severed and just wanted to come back. “I want you back, too,” I told the Sun sadly, but I shook my head. I needed to stop thinking about this. Not only did it make me miserable, I was risking Luna’s happiness to satisfy my own selfish desires. Luna deserved better than that. She deserved better than what she had gotten for the last thousand years because I couldn’t- wouldn’t- give up the Sun. I needed to get over this. Maybe if I did, my magic would come back. “Lie down with me?” I asked Philomena hopefully. With my warming spells so hit or miss, I often also needed Philomena’s body heat for comfort. She cawed mournfully, and complied. Chapter 5By the end of the week I no longer cared if my magic returned or not. The Sun occupied my every waking thought. When I shivered in the cold I wished I had its warmth. When I felt tired and weak I wished I had its power, burning inside me. Instead, I felt empty. Something so important was missing. At the breakfast table every morning, Luna rattled on about all the tasks she was doing for the day, and I tried to feign attention, but honestly, who cared? I just wanted to stop feeling awful all the time. At least Luna was taking over most of my duties each day. I knew I didn’t have the strength to take them on. “Princess, are you alright?” Raven asked, concerned, as we went to do one of the few activities that were still on my schedule. “I’m fine,” I said. She shook her head sadly. “Well, here are a few decrees you have to sign. Bring them back to me tomorrow.” “Okay,” I said weakly. Once upon a time I would quickly sign them and we would quickly move on to the next task, but we both knew that, being noon now, I could barely stand up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Raven,” I told her. I napped with Philomena near my fireplace for most of the rest of the day, and then I sat down to sign the decrees. To my immense frustration, the quill would not hold still in my horn. Much as I tried to maneuver it, it would not cooperate, shaking erratically in my magic. This was an unpleasant new development. I had been trying to avoid magic in general and levitation specifically because of the risks it posed, but I had still been able to lift small things without a problem. Now I couldn’t even do that. After trying in vain to control the quill and spilling ink everywhere, I finally grasped it in my wing and signed that way, albeit extremely messily. I found this experience quite distressing and decided to go to bed early.
Prologue“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I asked. I try not to be too arrogant, but the sunset I made was rather beautiful. “I’ll grant you that, Celestia,” Discord said. Occasionally I go on walks with him. He may be the Lord of Chaos, but he is also a fellow immortal with a very unique perspective. That’s one of the main reasons I had Twilight Sparkle and the others set him free. His powers are terrible, yes, but they also have tremendous potential. Potential that I enjoy having at the disposal of the Kingdom of Equestria. “Do you keep me around just for the chaos, Celestia, or have you truly forgiven me?” Discord asked suddenly. Sometimes I think he can read minds. “That’s a rather loaded question, Discord. May I ask what inspired it?” I asked calmly. After centuries of diplomatic negotiations, I am quite adept at directing conversations from potentially explosive topics to more safe ones. The key is to move carefully yet purposefully. Discord gestured to the lush hills of Canterlot that surrounded us. “Well, we go on these walks out in nature to have deep philosophical debates on order and chaos and whatnot, not just silly small talk,” Discord said. “So I admit, I’m wondering. Here I am, walking with the most orderly creature of all making a beautiful orderly sunset, in a kingdom I tried to overturn- twice. So why give me another chance? I’m quite curious to hear your thinking on it.” “Well, I told you, Discord,” I said. “I believe your powers, although chaotic, can be used for the good of Equestria. So I decided to give you another chance. So far you have proven yourself.” “I see,” Discord said. He paused for a few moments too long, staring out at the setting Sun in the distance. “So it’s not true forgiveness, then.” I don’t like this conversation. “Surely extending a hoof to a former foe in friendship qualifies as forgiveness, does it not?” I said lightly. “You have a use for me. Had you not wanted access to my powers, I would still be trapped in stone. Not that I blame you for making those choices.” I sighed. “You can’t expect me to just give an enemy a chance to redeem himself purely out of kindness. I rule a kingdom. Decisions are not made simply.” “You did that for Luna,” he said pointedly. I really don’t like where this is going. Sometimes I swear Discord is deliberately trying to upset me. Still, I force myself to answer. “Luna was originally good. By giving her another chance, I was simply fixing something that had been wrong from long ago. Besides, she’s my sister.” “Oh, all good points, true, true,” Discord nodded. “But you sent Twilight Sparkle to save her while she actively wrought destruction, not after she had been defeated. And this was when you didn’t try to save her when she first went on a rampage. Surely that would have been a better time to redeem her.” I grit my teeth. “I don’t know what gave you that impression, Discord, but it is patently false. I did everything in my power to save Luna when she first turned into Nightmare Moon. She was beyond reason. I did what I did as a last resort, and there was no alternative.” A strange note entered Discord’s voice. “Of course there were alternatives, Celestia! For one, you could have let the world be destroyed.” “I meant an alternative that didn’t end in disaster.” “You’re still limiting your thinking too much; there were still other options. Your problem, Celestia, is that you think too orderly. To you, the only options that exist are total surrender or a blast with the Elements of Harmony. Think more chaotic!” “Such as what?” I said flatly. “You could have given her the Sun.” “What?” “Oh, really, Celestia, just think about it,” Discord exclaimed. “Luna was jealous of the admiration you received by bringing the Sun and the Day, versus her Moon and Night. Nightmare Moon might have been sufficiently shocked by you offering her the Sun to call off the end of the world and accept the offer. After all, it’s what she really wanted in the first place.” “I can’t give her the Sun, Discord. You know that!” He smirked. “Why not?” “Because it’s mine!” I don’t like how that came out. I rephrase it. “I mean, it isn’t mine, obviously, because it belongs to everypony. But it’s my job to control it. That’s what Harmony intended.” I said, furtively glancing over at my Sun-adorned flank. “Oh, Harmony, of couuurse,” Discord drawled. “That’s why you get rule the land and bear the Sun, and not Luna or me or anypony else. Harmony. Convenient explanation, Celestia. I suppose it’s a stronger answer than, ‘I like being in charge and I’m selfish.’” “You don’t even understand a fraction of the difficulties involved in ruling this kingdom, Discord, let alone sending Luna away.” I hiss, trying to keep my budding anger under control. Who does he think he is, to say this? I remind myself that he’s just trying to annoy me, and worse, he’s succeeding…. “Yes, yes,” he said impatiently. “So many hard decisions to be made. Like, ‘Should I save my sister or let her languish in the Moon for a thousand years? Ooh, I’m not sure!’” “I couldn’t have saved her! Luna wouldn’t even want the Sun! She loves the night and was upset other ponies didn’t appreciate it. It had nothing to do with the Sun and she’s never expressed any interest in it at all!” Discord grinned. “That’s what you want to think.” I’ve had enough. “Discord, I go on these walks with you to have serious discussions, not fantasize about silly ideas like this. If you are going to act like this, then our talk is over.” “Aww, too bad,” Discord said, starting to flap his wings and fly away. “I thought our conversation was pretty philosophical, but alas. Well, I’ll see you next week, then. And do think about what I told you!” He cackled. “I won’t.” It’s true. I will not give Discord’s foolishness any more thought. Because it is clearly false and it’s only purpose was to upset me. I have important, real things to do, I remind myself as I return to Canterlot Castle.
Chapter 1“Good morning, Sister,” I said as I sat down at our mutual breakfast table. I was poised and ready to start a very busy day, checklist in horn and my loyal Raven at my side. Luna was already sitting at the table, looking rather disheveled after a long night. She returned my greeting weakly. “So, how was your night?” I asked, as we began eating. “Oh, it was fine,” Luna shrugged. “Some nightmares to dispel, a dark creature or two to fight, a little paperwork for the Royal Astronomical Society. The usual.” That doesn’t sound like a whole lot of work compared to what I have to do every day, but I don’t say that. No need to hurt her feelings. Instead I said, “Sounds like you got a lot done.” “I suppose,” Luna said, and took another bite. “What are you doing today?” “You don’t want to know,” I laughed, exchanging a glance with Raven. “We have to prepare for the Griffin Summit next week, choose a location for the Summer Sun Celebration, tax season is coming up, there are some nobles that need to be entertained, of course I still need to hold court….” Luna laughed. “I am sorry I asked.” I shook my head ruefully. “That’s not even half of it, unfortunately. I hope I’ll still have time to talk with you tonight at moonrise. If I can’t make it there, I apologize in advance.” “I understand.” Luna said. Then she got up to go to bed for the day and Raven and and I set off to conquer it. In the end, I did make it to the top of the West Tower to meet Luna, although it was fifteen minutes after moonrise. That isn’t too bad, all things considered. Still, I always try to be punctual. “It is alright,” Luna said, although I wonder if she really meant it. I have been late every day this week. I promise her I will do better, just like I promised yesterday. She nodded. “You look beautiful,” I said. She really did. The silvery moonlight shining on her dark coat and sparkling ethereal mane made her look almost otherworldly. The contrast to how she looked this morning was quite comical. “Thank you,” Luna said. She motioned for me to come over to her, and pointed at a small star at the corner of the sky. I racked my head, but I couldn’t identify it. Usually I can recognize any star instantly. Luna smiled at me. “See that star? It was born tonight.” “Really?” I asked in wonder. “I saw it appear during moonrise,” she said. “I know it is a new one because I did not recognize it, and I know every star.” “Are you going to name it?” I asked. “I have chosen a name, which I will submit to the Royal Astronomical Society tonight,” Luna said. “Think they will approve it?” I teased. Luna rolled her eyes. “They kind of have to, I think. After all, the night sky is my domain.” “Definitely,” I said. “I was never able to make it look as beautiful as you just did tonight.” Luna smiled a bit sadly, then said, “I am sure you did your best… but yes, when I first saw it… it was pretty awful.” A question popped out of my lips, unbidden. “Luna, have you ever wanted to raise the Sun?” Luna looked at me oddly. “That is quite a question, Celestia. What makes you ask?” “Oh, I don’t know,” I said casually, inwardly cursing myself for bringing it up. “I suppose it’s that- we were just talking about me raising the stars, so it got me thinking- what if you raised the Sun?” “I see,” Luna said. “I take it that as you did not particularly enjoy raising the stars, you wonder if I would enjoy raising the Sun?” “Would you?” I asked sincerely. “Well,” Luna said guardedly. “I assume that raising the Sun involves a lot of heat. And I do not really like heat.” “It does involve a lot of heat,” I said. “So I guess you probably wouldn’t like it, then?” I offered hopefully. Luna ignored me. “It also involves getting up quite early, every day. I certainly would not like that.” “Certainly,” I agreed happily. A feeling of relief spread through me. Of course Luna wouldn’t want to raise the Sun. The idea was preposterous! “Nevertheless,” Luna continued. “Even with those limitations in place, I would like to experience what it is like to raise the Sun. Light is a wonderful thing, after all.” “Oh,” I said softly. I mean, I couldn’t say that I was disappointed with her answer. It made sense, didn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to experience what I do every day? Anyway, she only said she wanted to try it out, not that she wanted to accept the Sun as hers. “Well, then, why don’t you raise the Sun tomorrow morning?” I heard myself say. Luna stared at me in shock. “You cannot be serious.” “I absolutely am. After all, I performed your duties for a thousand years. It is only fair that I offer you at least one opportunity to perform mine. Think of this not as favor, but as a debt.” Luna pondered that slowly. Then a smile broke out on her face. “Thank you, Celestia,” she said excitedly. “This really means a lot to me.” “The pleasure is mine,” I lied, and then we walked down the stairs of the West Tower and I went to my bedchambers and Luna guarded the night.
Chapter 2When I woke up in the morning I had an odd feeling that I couldn’t quite place. There was something very important that I forgot, I thought. After failing to remember while I prepared my hair and coat, I decided to set out to the East Tower to raise the Sun. That ought to clear my mind. When I got there, Luna was waiting there for me. “Hello, Celestia!” she called out jovially. Ohhh. That’s what I had forgotten. I resolved not to let her realize that. “Good morning, Luna. Ready to raise the Sun?” She nodded. “I hope so. I am really nervous but also quite excited. I presume it is not too different from raising the Moon?” In my opinion, it’s very different, but I understood what she was trying to say. “It is different, but you can definitely apply what you know about controlling the Moon to the Sun,” I said. “Alright, then,” Luna said with determination. “I’m sure you’ll do a great job and really enjoy it,” I reassured her. Personally, I thought she was very likely to hate it, but who knows. Anything is possible. Luna took a deep breath and aimed her horn at my Sun. It barely rose. She was trying to move it like the Moon, with delicateness and grace. The Sun likes force and power. “Push harder,” I told her. She complied, and more than doubled the strength of her magic. The sun began to rise. Slowly but surely, wobbling but steadily, the Sun rose and it was Day. I stomped my front hooves in the ground in appreciation. “Good job, Luna.” Luna turned around. She looked exhilarated and her face was quite literally glowing in the sunlight shining over the East Tower. “Celestia, that was amazing!” “It was?” I asked. “But wasn’t it hot? I thought you don’t like heat. And you don’t really like to be walking about at this hour.” “That is true,” Luna mused, “but even with all that, it was amazing. I mean the Sun is so warm, and light and powerful… it is just wonderful.” How could I argue with that? “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I said. Luna smiled at me broadly. “Thank you so much, Celestia. You are very kind to let me do this, Sister.” “It’s nothing, really,” I said uncomfortably. “It most certainly is not,” Luna said firmly. “How would you like to do this again tomorrow?” I blurted out. “I could not ask that of you, Celestia,” Luna said, shaking her head. “The Sun is yours. I was merely borrowing it.” “The Sun belongs to everypony, not just me,” I forced myself to say. “Besides, I raised and lowered the Moon and stars for a thousand years. What’s a few days of you raising and lowering the Sun in comparison to that? Like I said, don’t think of this as a gift. If you want to keep raising the Sun, you can do it for as long as you want.” “I- thank you, Celestia,” Luna said, hugging me with her wings. “Maybe I will do it for just a couple more days. You are the most generous pony I know, truly.” “Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy,” I told her. “If controlling the Sun makes you happy, then I want you to have a chance to do that. Please enjoy yourself.” “I will.” She followed me down the stairs to breakfast, beaming. I smiled back at her, but I felt an uncomfortable cold feeling sitting in my heart. I ignored it. Surely I could last just a couple more days. At the breakfast table, Raven and I went over the items for the day. Thankfully, today wouldn’t be quite as busy as the last few days have been. “The good news is I’ve managed to delegate some tasks so that Your Highness can focus on more important things. The tax bureau is going to outline most of the changes themselves and you’ll only have to look over the very final review. And the governor of Canterlot was more than willing to oversee the preparations for this year’s Garden Party. You’ll still have to deal with the nobles of course; they won’t settle for any less than a Princess herself. But I’ve managed to shorten your list quite a bit.” “Harmony bless you, Raven. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said sincerely. Raven bowed her head humbly. “Thank you, Your Highness. I saw how busy you’ve been these past few weeks and I’ve been working with lots of ponies to delegate even more than usual going forward. You shouldn’t have to do everything yourself. There are plenty of very capable ponies in Canterlot.” “You amaze me Raven, you really do. Your organizational skills give Twilight Sparkle a run for her money, but don’t tell her I said that.” Really, what am I going to do when Raven inevitably retires? I don’t even want to think about it. We still have a good few decades left…. “Umm, Sister?” Luna piped up shyly. I turned to her. “Yes?” “Perhaps I could be of assistance in this process of ‘delegation’?” she asked. “You want to help? But Luna, you’ve worked all night. You must be so tired at this hour!” I responded, feeling confused. “Usually I would be, but I feel quite rejuvenated this morning. Must be the sunlight.” Luna giggled. Giggling? Luna never giggles. Especially not in the early morning. Come to think about it, she did look a lot better this morning than she usually did. Must really be the sunlight. I glanced over at Raven. “Well, we could always use another set of hooves. Got anything that Luna could do?” Raven smirked. “Princess Luna, how would you like to entertain some nobles? You’re the only pony I could delegate this task to, as they refuse to deal with anypony but a Princess.” “I would be happy to.” Luna said firmly. “Great!” Raven said. “Well, I can cross this off the list then.” She flourished her quill grandly as she removed the item. “It’s at 10:00 in the Tea Room, so you have some time. Topics include moaning about all the riffraff moving into Canterlot and complaints about tax rates. Do enjoy yourself.” We all had a good laugh and left to our respective tasks. It was a good thing Raven managed to knock off about forty percent of my regular schedule because at the end of the day I felt more drained than I did on any other day if the week. Even though it was not that late, I barely made it through dinner before I excused myself to bed and lay down. Philomena landed on my chest and cuddled there. The warmth carried in a phoenix is highly magical and comparable to a real fire. Having her on me definitely improved things and I stroked her until we fell asleep together.
Chapter 3When I woke up I had that odd feeling again, but only for a second. I remembered that Luna was raising the Sun this morning. I decided that, if Luna was taking care of it, I could go back to sleep, something I haven’t been able to do since… more than a millennium ago? I can’t even remember at this point. It seemed like a more pleasant idea than getting up, anyhow. “Squawk!” “Huh? Philomena?” “Squawk!” “Oh, no, how late is it?” Thankfully not that late. I only slept for an extra half hour, so I would only be a little late to breakfast. “And that’s why sleeping late is generally a bad idea,” I told Philomena. Another reason it’s a bad idea? It makes getting up much harder. I’ve never had a problem getting up quite literally before the crack of dawn, but getting up after it? I just wanted to crawl back into bed. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, especially when you are a Princess. Perhaps this could be considered a “learning experience”. “Good morning, Sister,” I said when I arrived at the table. “Same to you, Sister,” Luna responded. “May I ask, why so late? I do not think I have ever arrived here before you.” I shrugged and stretched my wings a bit before sitting down. “I decided to sleep in today,” I said. “Really?” Luna asked. “How was it?” “I don’t know how ponies tolerate it,” I admitted, after taking a sip of my tea. “It made me more tired than before.” Luna laughed. “I would not say that is necessarily the case, but yes, that can happen.” Raven and I discussed the schedule, and Luna once again volunteered to perform some of the activities, which we gratefully accepted. “Luna seems a bit different these days, I noticed,” Raven told me as we go to perform the first item on the schedule. “Oh? How so?” I asked. Raven paused thoughtfully. “I guess she just seems a bit more… personable. Enthusiastic. Awake. I mean, before yesterday she never offered to help with royal duties before.” “Really?” I said. “I don’t know about that, Raven. She heard you talking about delegating and offered to help a bit. I wouldn’t read too much into it.” Raven looked at me oddly. “I don’t know, Your Highness. She seemed… well, she seemed a lot happier than usual.” My heart sank. “Did she?” “Definitely,” Raven said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this before yesterday. She is usually rather- how shall I say it- grouchy in the mornings.” “She must have discovered her inner morning pony,” I muttered, and we didn’t discuss the topic anymore. That night, I felt even more exhausted than yesterday. I barely made it to dinner. Luna recounted her day to me and I nodded along, but I just wanted to go to bed. Even walking up the stairs to my bedchambers felt like too much. Luckily, I have magic at my disposal, so I transported myself there and lay down with Philomena again until we fell asleep. When I got up that morning I did not sleep late. No need for a repeat of yesterday. Unfortunately, that didn’t make getting up any more pleasant. I managed to drag myself out of bed soon enough to make it to watch Luna’s last day of raising the Sun. “Beautiful,” I said. “I just want to say thank you again, Celestia,” Luna said wistfully. “This has been an amazing experience for me.” “I know,” I said. It was clear that Luna really had been enjoying the Sun; not just enjoying it but flourishing in it in a way that she was never been able to- in a way that I never allowed her to- before. I know what I have to do, but I try not to think about. “You should keep doing it,” I heard myself say. Luna’s ears perked up. “Really?” “Yes. For as long as you want to. You only did it for three days now. That’s not very long at all. Maybe you’d want to do it for, say, a month. How does that sound?” Luna said nothing, and then hugged me tightly. “A month! Thank you!” “My pleasure. A month it is.” I knew she was never going to give it back. I try not to think about what that means.
Chapter 6The sun is speaking to me, I think. It’s funny how I never heard it when I bore it, but now that I have given it up I hear it clear as day. I miss you, Celestia, it told me. Please come back to me. Luna will never raise me the way you do. “I miss you, too,” I told it. “But I can’t come back to you. It’s… for the best.” Oh, please, it scoffed. ‘It’s for the best’? Don’t give me that. I’m miserable without you. I miss you every second of the day. I’m freezing without you. I need you. The sun can very selfish at times. It’s a good thing I’m not. “Bye, Sun,” I told it as I left to perform my duties. “I’ll talk to you later.” That’s a lie, of course. The sun speaks to me all the time, and I never let my duties get in the way of an answer. We only had three tasks in the list for today, which was good, because as it was it felt like three too many. Raven had been incredibly accommodating about making a schedule that I could handle, which was why it surprised me when she asked me to play chess with her afterwards. “You know I can’t do that, Raven,” I said apologetically. “There’s just too many things I’m already so behind on; I can’t spend my spare time on leisure.” “But we haven’t played in weeks!” She protested. “I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. But I just can’t play now.” She was insistent. So insistent, in fact, that I gave in. Arguments take up a lot of your energy. We sat down in the tearoom where we normally played, and Raven set up the board. I would be white, she would be black- as usual. I was about to start, when, to my surprise, Raven levitated the game board up two feet above our heads. “What is the meaning of this?” I asked her, befuddled. “I want to make the game more exciting,” Raven said. “If we float the game above our heads it will make things more challenging and interesting. Why don’t you go?” My heart sank. There was simply no way I would be levitating multiple chess pieces on a board I couldn’t see. Now if only to come up with a convincing excuse… “Well?” Raven interjected. “I don’t want to play this way, if you don’t mind,” I said. “Don’t want to, or can’t?” Raven said harshly. My heart stopped. “What are you saying?” I said as casually as possible. Raven sighed and looked at me for a long time. “Your Highness, you’ve done an admirable job of putting on a front for everypony in the castle, but I spend all day with you. You can’t exactly expect me not to notice the complete deterioration of your magical abilities.” “Raven…” I said slowly, trying to think of a response, something to fend off her accusations, to sow doubt in her mind. She looked at me, her eyes glinting strangely. “Do you deny it?” she asked softly. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. What was there to say? “How long has this been going on for?” she asked. I didn’t say anything. Raven shook her head at me. To my shock, I could spot tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “Princess. Celestia. I am asking you, not only as a faithful servant but as a friend. You need to seek help. I’ve known ponies who ignored things for a long time… and it didn’t end well for them.” I don’t know what I was expecting Raven to say, but that was not it. I almost wanted to laugh. If only that would help, I would gladly do it! No, this was beyond all that. “What pony were you referringto?” I asked instead. Raven sighed. “My mother. Cancer. She had it before and didn’t want to believe it was back. By the time she believed it, it was too late.” I had no idea. “I’m so sorry.” “I should’ve tried to fight her more. I was scared if I did she might shut me out, and I didn’t want to antagonize a sick pony. But I was wrong. I was an enabler. And I won’t be one again.” She looked at me fiercely. “If you’re really sorry, Celestia, then do what I asked you. See a doctor. Or a healer. Or… something.” “Raven, it won’t help.” I protested. “So you’re not even going to try? You’re just going to sit down and let this happen? Do something!” She said sternly. “You don’t understand,” I said weakly. Raven glared at me. “You’re darn right I don’t. I don’t understand how the most selfless, responsible, wise pony I know could make such a selfish, reckless, stupid decision like this. Even if you don’t care about your own health, you’re the ruler of Equestria. So many ponies are dependent on you. How many guards and servants are toiling away in this very castle for you, thinking everything is fine? When you I inevitably collapse, nopony will know what to do. My mother’s foolishness only hurt me. Your are selfishly putting every pony in Equestria in danger.” Selfishly. Oh, the irony. If she only knew how much I was sacrificing for Luna, to keep Equestria safe, she wouldn’t dare say this. She had no right. “I am not selfish.” I told Raven. She sighed. “Then please tell me why you’re doing this? I mean, do you think your magic is going to come back? Am I missing something here?” “Well…,” I hemmed. She had just given me an opening. “The truth, is dear Raven, this ‘loss of magic’- it’s an Alicorn process. We… renew ourselves. It happens every few hundred years or so.” She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?” I sighed dramatically. “I was trying to keep it quiet. As you pointed out, I am the ruler of all of Equestria. If word came out that I lost my magic, panic would ensue and enemies might take advantage of my weakness and attack. Better to keep it quiet, since it will eventually come back on its own. But,” I said, turning to her, “I should have told you about it. I’m sorry, Raven. I apologize.” Raven’s face softened, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that does sound reassuring… if it wasn’t a pile of horse apples!” “Pardon me?” “I mean that it’s a pile of horse apples. I can tell from how you’re talking that you probably came up with that explanation on the spot, but those lies don’t work on me. There’s no way you would regularly lose your magic, and you told nopony, and had no plan on dealing with it in the meanwhile. That’s far more dangerous than anypony finding out about this. I can’t believe you would be that foolish.” She glanced at me suspiciously. “At least I hope you wouldn’t. Either tell me the real reason, or admit you don’t know and get sompony who can find out!” Briefly I considered going along with her, fetching some useless doctor to pronounce that he too, had no idea what was wrong just so she would stop thinking I was blindly ignoring all this, but I rejected the idea. There was just too much risk that Luna would find out, and then she might find how selfish I’ve been…. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” I told Raven softly. Raven stared at me for a long time. “In that case… I quit.” “What?” Raven looked at me sadly. “I’m not helping you with this charade any longer. I can’t force you to get help, but I can refuse to assist you in this… farce. We both know that if I hadn’t been rearranging your schedule, you’d have collapsed weeks ago.” “Raven, wait,” I said desperately. But I didn’t know what to say. “I’m not being an enabler again,” she said firmly, and then got up and left.
Chapter 7I can’t believe she did that! I told the setting Sun furiously that evening. She’s always been out to get us. She probably made the schedule extra full just to make it more exhausting. I don’t think that’s true…, I responded, unsure. Raven has always tried to make us miserable. Just like Luna, the Sun said. Really? It was so hard to believe Raven and Luna would do that. Of course. Who separated us? Luna. She’s always hated us. Since Nightmare Moon. And look at her now, taking me away from you, making us miserable, the sun spat. Raven is probably secretly helping her. Oh, I hope not, I sighed. I bid the Sun good night and tried to get some sleep. When I dragged myself to the breakfast table Luna was already sitting there, looking perfect as always. Which made me very happy, actually. Luna was eating moonberry pancakes. “Celestia, do you want any?” she asked. I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.” I haven’t been hungry in days. How can I be, when it will never sate me like the Sun did. I need you, it called to me. Celestia, I need you. Don’t leave me with her. Celestia- “Celestia!” My thoughts were interrupted. I looked up at Luna blankly. “I was just asking you where Raven is. She should be here by now.” “Oh,” I said dully. “She quit.” Luna looked shocked. “She… what? Why?” “Family matter,” I said. It was true, kind of, if you stretched it. Luna looked distraught. “How are we supposed to carry out our duties without her keeping track of the schedule?” “I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I muttered. Luna looked at me curiously. “Celestia, are you alright? I know you and Raven were close. And you seem awfully tired.” “I…” I did feel awful. I’m so, so cold and tired. But it’s not Raven I miss. Still, the thought of trying to make it through the day without her exhausts me already. I just can’t do it. Anyways, Luna basically handles everything now anyways. “Actually, I feel rather tired. I did a lot last night. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go back to bed for now.” “Well alright, Celestia. Feel better.” Luna said. It sounded kind, I guess. I concentrated on dragging myself back to my bedroom. If only I had my magic, I could teleport myself and be back in an instant. Instead, it takes all my legs and my wings working together to drag me there, quite slowly. The Sun coaxed me the entire time. Come, Celestia, I’m waiting for you under the blanket. Come so I can be warm. But when I get there I was still freezing and the blankets didn’t help. What I needed was Philomena. “Philomena,” I called out to her. “I know you hate this; I’m sorry, but can you please lie down with me?” I heard an annoyed response but I didn’t see her anywhere. “Philomena?” I called out again. “Where are you?” I heard a louder response from the side and turned my head to look. It was coming from the fireplace. Philomena loves sitting in it. Since she’s a phoenix, it’s perfectly safe for her. She looked so comfortable and… warm in there. “Please come out,” I pleaded with her. “I know you like it there but I need you.” She shook her head angrily. Poor Philomena was sick and tired of being my Sun substitute for the past few weeks. I couldn’t really blame her for it. I had been making her sleep with me far more times than she was happy to. But I still felt so cold! I stole a furtive glance at the hot fireplace. The dancing flames looked so warm and inviting. I knew I wasn’t supposed to go in there, but why not? Philomena was there and she was comfortable. It was just so nice and warm. I couldn’t really think of any good reason why I shouldn’t go in. I decided to compromise and go in for a short time. I bent my head down and crawled into the fireplace. I was instantly filled with the wonderful, Sun-like heat I craved. I felt a vague sensation of discomfort on my skin but it was easily ignored. The flames jumped playfully around me as I took in their heat. It just felt so good. There was no way I was leaving this place anytime soon. “Look Philomena,” I laughed. “I’m here with you!” Philomena looked up at me from preening her feathers and squawked loudly in alarm. “What is it, girl?“ I asked, reaching out to her. She immediately darted out of the fireplace and flew right out of my doorway, screeching loudly all the while. I had no idea what got into her, but I didn’t have the energy to follow her and find out. The fireplace was irresistible. I decided to go to sleep in this most comfortable place.
Chapter 8I wasn’t in the fireplace when I woke up. I wasn’t sure where I was when I first woke up. I was in a bed, but it didn’t feel like mine. I realized I couldn’t see where I was because somepony had covered my eyes. Actually, somepony had covered my whole body in some kind of soft material. I wished I could use my magic to take it off so I could see but of course that was impossible. At least I had my ears. I became aware that there was a conversation going on, between Luna and… some other pony whom I didn’t know. (Luna) “How serious do you think it is?” (Strange pony) “Extremely. She’s got third degree burns all over. If that bird hadn’t come to you when it did… I shudder to think-“ (Luna) “Me too. Thank Harmony for Philomena. I just- I do not understand why she would- it is just so unlike her!” (Strange pony) “I know. I know you can’t know what’s going on in a pony’s heart but this truly shocked me. Hopefully when she wakes up you can try to get some sort of explanation out of her. I just can’t believe she didn’t have some sort of reason.” (Luna) “When she wakes up- do you think that will happen soon? She’ll be alright?” (Strange pony) “I expect her to wake up in the next few hours. Her vitals started looking better a few hours ago. As for recovery- we foresee a long road ahead here. These sorts of injuries tend towards complications down the line. We’ll do our best but you really need to appreciate how arduous the healing process can be for something like this.” (Luna) “But… Celestia has magic to help with healing. Alicorns can recover quite quickly from all sorts of injuries.” (Strange pony) “That’s the other thing I wanted to discuss, Your Highness- we expected the Princess’ Alicorn magic to shorten her recovery time but as far as we can tell that hasn’t been happening. We actually ran some tests and, well…” (Luna) “What?” (Strange pony) “She has magic levels that are frankly unimpressive for a Unicorn, let alone an Alicorn.” (Luna) “How can that be?” (Strange pony) “We honestly have no idea. For all we know she purposefully drained herself of her magic before she stepped into the fireplace with the intent to-well-“ (Luna) “No. Celestia would never do something like that. I just cannot believe that. How do we know she had not lost all her magic before?” (Strange pony) “That’s the thing; we don’t. What you’re saying is entirely possible, we just don’t know. Hopefully you can talk to her when she comes to and we can try to start and piece everything together.” (Luna) “I- alright, Doctor. I guess I shall just stay in here til she wakes. Thank you kindly for all your help.” (Strange pony) “You are sincerely welcome, Your Majesty. Truly, I am so sorry this is happening. I promise that every one of us here will do everything we can to make sure Princess Celestia makes a full recovery.” The second pony left the room and Luna started walking towards me. She put her hoof onto my hoof and I think she started crying. “Oh, Celestia,” she said. “Why o why would you do this?” “Luna?” I said. “Celestia! You are awake? Are you alright? Does anything hurt?” “Yes, I’m awake,” I said. “I don’t feel too much pain, just a lot of numbness and cold. But I can’t see. Would you be able to take off whatever it is that’s covering my eyes?” Luna sighed with relief. “At least you are not in pain. The medication must be working. But I am not sure I can uncover your eyes. I think the doctor needs to do that.” “Please?” I begged. “It’s so frustrating not being able to see.” “Well- fine, but do not tell the doctor that it was me.” Luna finally agreed. She carefully levitated off the bandages on my eyes so I could look up into her tear-filled ones. “Celestia… what happened? What did you do it?” “Do what?” I asked her, confused. I don’t believe she knows about why I gave her the Sun. “Why did you climb into the fireplace? Were you trying to-to- end your life? I mean, if Philomena had not come in time…” I looked at her in horror. “Luna, of course I would do no such thing. I merely went in to the fireplace because I was cold.” “YOU WERE COLD?” Luna asked in shock. “Celestia, please be serious. Why did you go into the fireplace?” “I am being serious,” I said. “I was cold and it helped me feel warm.” Truthfully, I was beginning to get a bit annoyed at her. I gave her my beautiful Sun and all that came with it, I had suffered from bone-chilling cold for weeks, and yet she was angry that I had tried to keep warm? Yes, I could now see that I hadn’t been completely responsible, but it was just an honest mistake. Luna gaped at me. “Why would you need to go into the fireplace to keep warm? Why could you not just put on a sweater or something?” “You think I haven’t tried that? It doesn’t help me! Philomena’s the only one who can, and she didn’t want to! You don’t understand how cold I am, Luna.” I said sadly. “All I wanted was to feel warm inside.” She stared at me for a long time. The she said, slowly, “Celestia, why do you feel so cold?” “Well-I… because I- I…” I can feel tears building in up in my eyes. I don’t want to tell Luna how selfish I am and that I won’t let her be happy. But I can’t pretend everything is fine anymore. It’s not. “Does it have to with how you lost your magic?” She asked. I nodded. “Wh-when I gave you the sun-“ Luna gasped. “You gave me the Sun because you were losing your magic? Celestia, that was weeks and weeks ago. Why did you not say-“ “No! No!” I said. “I started losing my magic after- because I gave you the Sun. And I started feeling cold.” “Oh,” Luna said. She gazed at me with genuine confusion. “Well, then Celestia, why didn’t you simply ask for the Sun back then?” “Because- because- because- I- I wanted you to be happy. I saw how happy you were when you raised the sun, all the energy and confidence it gave you and- and how could I even think of taking that away from you, Luna, I’m sorry. But I’m just so cold I just- I just-“ I buried my bandage wrapped face into my pillow and wept. “I miss my Sun, Luna, I miss it every second of every single day, I miss being warm and holding quills with magic and not being tired all the time. I thought I could learn to live without it but I just can’t. I’m sorry, Luna, I’m sorry.” “Celestia- you did this all to make me happy?” I sniffled. “Well you were, weren’t you? Admit it. You love the Sun. I’m sorry I’m so greedy and selfish-“ “Celestia!” Luna took a deep breath. “Yes, I did like raising the Sun and doing your job. I’m grateful to have had the experience. But how can it make me happy if I know that me doing it makes you so sick and depressed that you would climb into a fireplace just to get warm! Celestia, you not wanting to live like that does not make you greedy or selfish. The fact that you were even willing to try such a thing just shows me for the thousandth time that you are the most selfless pony in Equestria. And if after all this I insisted on keeping the Sun after seeing what happens to you without it? Why, what would that make me? It would make me a monster!” Luna glared at me ferociously. “It is honestly quite hurtful that you would even think that I would want to keep the Sun when keeping it from you is literally killing you. How could you possibly think I could put my own desires ahead of your life?” “Well, you did before…” I muttered quietly, lowering my gaze from her. Her eyes widened. “What do you mean- oh”. She stared at me for a long time, her eyes welling up with tears. “Celestia… you cannot possibly believe I am the same pony I was then. Surely you do not believe that?” She said softly, a hint of desperation entering her voice. I still can’t meet her eyes. “Of course I know you aren’t Nightmare Moon anymore!” I exclaim. Luna’s eyes narrowed. “But.” “Well- if you were willing to betray Equestria once- I’m not saying you would do it again, I’m not- then- well- isn’t it good to take certain… precautions so as to make those events… even more unlikely? By ensuring your happiness.” Her voice is shaking with both fury and hurt. “Such as giving me the Sun in the hopes that it would quench all jealousy I could possibly have of you?” “… yes,” “Celestia, I thought- I truly believed you had realized I am not the same pony I was then.” There is a hitch in her voice. “I thought you forgave me.” “I did forgive you, Luna!” I exclaimed. “From the moment I used the Elements against you I forgave you? How could I not? You’re my sister. I love you. I always have. And that’s why I gave you the Sun. Because I love you and I want you to be happy.” “That is not was forgiveness is, Sister,” she said bitterly. “You can love somepony and still bear a grudge against her. Forgiveness is restoring the trust that once existed, of recognizing that sincere regret and repentance can change a pony so profoundly that sins of the past are truly unrepeatable. It is clear you do not believe that about me.” “Luna, I- I do- it’s just that-“ I couldn’t seem to find the words to explain to her that she is wrong and that I have always forgiven her.” “Hush,” Luna said sadly, stroking my hide with her soft wings. “It was unfair of me to expect that of you, after all I did you you.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead, her wet tears mixing with my own. “I know you love me, ‘Tia, I have never doubted that, even in my darkest moments. What this whole debacle shows is what has always been true- you would do anything for me, short of destroying Equestria. I hope one day you will believe that the same applies for I to you.” I want to believe her, I truly do. But something still gnaws in my mind. “I’ll believe you if you promise me one thing, Luna.” I say to her. “Luna, if I would have offered Nightmare Moon the Sun, can you guarantee that it would not have stopped her ?” Luna’s face froze. “Celestia- I-“ She paused. “No Celestia, I cannot guarantee that. I do not know if it would have satisfied her but I cannot rule it out,” she said quietly. “Then I am right to do this!” I wailed miserably. “How can I deny you the Sun when it very well might have stopped her, stopped a thousand years of you suffering in exile, stopped me from losing you for so long!” “Because, Celestia, it is not your responsibility to make me happy with the role Fate has given me. That is my job, and admittedly I have done a pretty poor job at it. Even if you giving up the Sun would have satisfied Nightmare Moon, you could still not be faulted for refusing. If the only way she- or I- could find happiness would be by destroying yours- then she has no right to be happy.” I looked over at her. Her eyes were so bright and her face was so earnest. And yet…. “I still want you be happy, Luna.” She put her hoof on me. “I can still be happy, Celestia. Raising the Moon makes me happy. Arranging the stars makes me happy. Helping ponies in their dreams makes me happy. And yes, seeing you happy- sometimes it makes me jealous but it also makes me happy! And I can guarantee you this. While I do not know if Nightmare Moon would have taken the Sun, she would surely never ever return it. But I will. Because I am not the same pony I was then. Because I do not need the Sun to be happy. But you do, Sister. Please, take what is yours.” I looked at her in wonder. “I accepted you years ago because you are my sister, not because you were worthy. But now I can see you are not the same pony you were then. You truly deserve everything I returned to you.” “Then do you forgive me?” She asks, her voice filled with trepidation. “I do,” I said, and I truly meant it. “Thank you,” Luna smiled. “That is- a bigger relief than you could possibly imagine. But I believe there is one more order of business.” “Which is?” I asked, curious. “I take it you will take back the Sun, yes?” “Oh- YES!” At this I leapt from the bed and towards the window. I tore out with me teeth the medicine line that had been attached to my wing. I poured every last bit of magic I had left into searching the heavens for my sun until my magic touched it. And with my last bit of magic I brought it down and felt its warmth and light rush through me. Finally my chest felt whole again! Finally I felt magic crackling in my horn and healing my burns! Finally I held my star again. Finally it was Dawn again. “I’ll never give you up again,” I whispered to it, happy tears streaming down my cheeks. “I missed you so much!” I missed you more, the Sun answered. I noticed Luna staring at me strangely. “What, do you think it is strange for me to speak to the Sun?” I asked. “Oh, no, it is not that- but Celestia, it is supposed to be the middle of the night!” “Oh,” I said, blushing. I turned to the Sun. “I suppose I have to put you back out. But we’ll see each other in a few hours. I can’t wait. I turned to Luna. “I am so sorry.” Luna smiled. “I forgive you. I am sure this will never happen again.” “It won’t.” “Good to hear. Well, in that case, I think I shall try to catch a few hours of sleep before the morning. I have a feeling sunrise will be especially beautiful this morning.” “It will, Sister. That I promise.”
Chapter 4The next few weeks were more of the same. Luna gradually took over more and more of my workloads, even as Raven delegated more and more to others. It didn’t help. Every day was more draining then the next. Worse, I felt a persistent chill that could not be warmed by any blanket. I missed the fires of the Sun. But Luna was happy, and that was what mattered. “At least I still have you, Philomena,” I told her one miserable evening. Philomena’s fiery body pressed against mine could at least improve the chills. Her feathers were soft and lustrous, unlike my mane which had lost a lot of its energy and sheen. She squawked unhappily. Phoenixes do not like being held. Like fire, they like to fly freely. But I had been holding her an awful lot lately. She tolerated it because she knows me, but she had not been enjoying being my warmth every night for the past few weeks. “I know you don’t like this,” I told her. “Thank you for doing it anyways.” I had been hoping the chills would go away after a week or so of being separated from my Sun, but my body didn’t seem to have acclimated at all. In fact, the opposite had occurred, with the cold feeling growing more intense over time. Clearly, Philomena could not be a permanent solution. I decided to check the library. Surely there was a spell that could simulate internal warmth for an extended period of time. After scouring the library for a bit the next evening, I was able to find something. Now, finding a spell to simulate heat is fairly easily, actually. I know at least half a dozen off the top of my head. But what I needed was not just warmth, but internal fire. Eventually an obscure spell on dragon flame did the trick. The relief was instantaneous. “I won’t be bothering you anymore, Philomena,” I told her resolutely. She squawked happily in assent. That night, after weeks of sleeping with me, she flew out to hunt in the Canterlot Gardens. The next few days were fairly uneventful. My duties were still exhausting, but no longer were they coupled with the feeling of being frozen internally, which did wonders for my mood. Luna was happy as ever, which was nice to see, and I had finally found equilibrium. “I knew I would eventually be able to accept giving up the Sun,” I told Philomena one night. “Yes, it was difficult, but ultimately I think it’s better for everypony this way. If Luna’s happy, the kingdom is safer, and if the kingdom is safer, I’m a better ruler- and a better sister. The Sun, while an important symbol of my power, was never the important thing at all.” It all made sense, but I silently apologized to my beloved Sun for saying that it was unimportant. That next day started out bad, and ended up worse. When I woke up, my dragon flame spell had worn off, and I was freezing. Oh, how I longed for the warmth of my Sun! But that was not important, I reminded myself. The important thing was that my spell had warn off halfway through. I must have been distracted when I cast it, which did not bode well for the day. I quickly recast it and hoped it would have better staying power this time. After breakfast Raven and I went on to go through the activities for the day. Most of it was the regular boring drudge, but we also had to pickup a box full of ancient scrolls that had been discovered at the Castle of the Two Sisters. Normally such mundane things such as transferring scrolls to a library would be far outside the purview of the Ruler of Equestria but there was an outside chance that these particular scrolls contained instructions for some fairly ancient dark magic that were not for most pony eyes to see. Considering that I would be the most equipped to identify and remove these dark objects, I had elected to go through the tomes myself. And besides, it was certainly a more interesting task than most of what I do. I levitated the box carefully as Raven and I walked towards my personal library. “It makes me nervous just looking at that box, Your Majesty,” she told me. “You are right to feel that way, Raven. Whatever is in this box is quite possibly illegal dark magic that nopony has seen in centuries. Hopefully it will stay that way after I’m through with it.” Then, and I can’t say exactly how it happened, the entire box fell to the ground and dozens of illegal scrolls rolled out in every direction, across the hallway. Some of those scrolls belched out dark dust with the distinctive odor of dark magic, while others continued to roll around in an uncanny manner that almost made them seem alive in some way. Raven stared at me in shock and horror. “Your Highness, what happened?” “I- I don’t know,” I admitted. One second the box had been fully within my magical grasp and the next second it hadn’t. I couldn’t for the life of me explain it. “Well, it’s all right, l’ll just pick this all up,” I decided, but Raven interrupted me. “DO NOT pick that up, Your Highness. Those are dark magic containing scrolls. Protocol is not to touch anything containing unknown dark magic.” She whistled at a guard at the end of the corridor. “You. Contact the dark magic safety squad and tell them there’s been an incident. Nopony was hurt. Make sure they clean this up.” The guard nodded and galloped off. Thankfully everything ended up being okay. The safety squad was able to properly remove the dark scrolls, which turned out not to be particularly nasty, at least on the scale of evil dark magic. But Raven kept asking me why I dropped the box. “I don’t know,” I kept saying. “I guess these things just happen occasionally? It is odd.” “Perhaps the scrolls had some kind of enchantment to prevent them from being moved?” Raven theorized. “Possible, but then how were they moved all the way from the Everfree forest so easily? I suspect it was just bad luck.” I pointed out. “I guess,” Raven said, not fully satisfied. I didn’t really think about it again until breakfast a few days later when I accidentally smashed a plate I was trying to pass. “Wow, Celestia, butterhorn again? Between this and that box a few days ago…” Luna teased. I blushed. “I don’t know if those two things are related, Luna, but point taken.” Raven frowned. “Odd that you should drop two things within a week of each other.” Luna waved her hoof disparagingly and laughed. “Not odd if Celestia is actually quite clumsy.” Raven sighed. “But she’s not. At least, not until this week.” Luna rolled her eyes. “Yes, Raven. I was only teasing, alright.” While I hoped the incidents of the week could be swiftly forgotten, the opposite occurred. They began to increase in frequency, to the point that I tried to avoid levitation whenever possible. Other spells, like my dragon flame spell, failed often and rarely lasted for their intended duration, leading to constant recastings. After a week or so of this, I had to admit that something had seriously gone awry with my magic. “What do you think could be the cause of it?” I asked Philomena one dusk as I pored through books looking for answers. She sighed and pointed her wing at the setting Sun. In my heart I knew she was right. “Well, what am I supposed to do then? I gave it to Luna! I can’t take it back now,” I protested. In general I tried not to think about the Sun as much as possible, because I missed it so much. The Sun never heeded my pleas, of course, injecting itself into my mind against my will and whispering to me. I have read about ponies that had a limb amputated but still felt pain from the “phantom” limb in their mind. I hoped the Sun wasn’t my phantom limb, but it truly felt like a part of me had been severed and just wanted to come back. “I want you back, too,” I told the Sun sadly, but I shook my head. I needed to stop thinking about this. Not only did it make me miserable, I was risking Luna’s happiness to satisfy my own selfish desires. Luna deserved better than that. She deserved better than what she had gotten for the last thousand years because I couldn’t- wouldn’t- give up the Sun. I needed to get over this. Maybe if I did, my magic would come back. “Lie down with me?” I asked Philomena hopefully. With my warming spells so hit or miss, I often also needed Philomena’s body heat for comfort. She cawed mournfully, and complied.
Chapter 5By the end of the week I no longer cared if my magic returned or not. The Sun occupied my every waking thought. When I shivered in the cold I wished I had its warmth. When I felt tired and weak I wished I had its power, burning inside me. Instead, I felt empty. Something so important was missing. At the breakfast table every morning, Luna rattled on about all the tasks she was doing for the day, and I tried to feign attention, but honestly, who cared? I just wanted to stop feeling awful all the time. At least Luna was taking over most of my duties each day. I knew I didn’t have the strength to take them on. “Princess, are you alright?” Raven asked, concerned, as we went to do one of the few activities that were still on my schedule. “I’m fine,” I said. She shook her head sadly. “Well, here are a few decrees you have to sign. Bring them back to me tomorrow.” “Okay,” I said weakly. Once upon a time I would quickly sign them and we would quickly move on to the next task, but we both knew that, being noon now, I could barely stand up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Raven,” I told her. I napped with Philomena near my fireplace for most of the rest of the day, and then I sat down to sign the decrees. To my immense frustration, the quill would not hold still in my horn. Much as I tried to maneuver it, it would not cooperate, shaking erratically in my magic. This was an unpleasant new development. I had been trying to avoid magic in general and levitation specifically because of the risks it posed, but I had still been able to lift small things without a problem. Now I couldn’t even do that. After trying in vain to control the quill and spilling ink everywhere, I finally grasped it in my wing and signed that way, albeit extremely messily. I found this experience quite distressing and decided to go to bed early.
