At least Fluttershy enjoyed the movie about trees.
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Wallflower Blush Tries to See a Porno (Prench Art Films Are VERY Clothing Optional, Right?)
At least Fluttershy enjoyed the movie about trees.
"Wow," Fluttershy said. "I can't believe I'd never even heard of this movie before. I want to watch the whole thing again, right now. Why didn't anyone ever TELL me about it?"
In the next seat over, Wallflower said, "I told you to come see it. Don't you remember?"
Fluttershy slowly turned her head towards Wally. "Oh. You did. It just seems like...almost a lifetime ago. When we've just followed the life of a tree from seed to adulthood and finally into death, it just...puts things into a different perspective, you know?"
"Yes. I've seen 'Trees of the Everfree' more than a hundred times."
Fluttershy said, "After seeing that film...I'd like to be a tree."
Wallflower sighed. "I didn't come here to see 'Trees' again. I came here because of the SPECIAL film that's on next."
"Special?" Fluttershy blinked. "What's so special about the next film? Aren't these all just slow paced educational--"
"It's an art film...called 'Prench Art Film.' And it was BANNED from the Canterlot High School Film Festival!"
"Banned for what?"
"Banned for showing Bon-Bon and Lyra NAKED together, that's what."
"Naked? Why?"
"When I was in the back of the yearbook committee room and I overheard LyraBon talking to the Audio/Visual Club about it, they said the film showed them 'playing chess.' But I know that was just a cover-up. You don't have to take off all your clothes to play chess! They must have been doing SOMETHING ELSE, too!"
"Doing what?"
"Stripping naked and having raunchy lesbian sex! Or maybe sensitive, beautifully romantic lesbian sex. I would settle for seeing either kind of lesbian sex, at this point."
Fluttershy said softly, "You're talking like this is your only chance to see or experience lesbian sex. I can't believe you've never had a chance to--"
"Of COURSE I've seen people having sex before. For YEARS, no matter what I did, no one ever seemed to notice me. I spent hours every day tending plants in the little forest garden behind the school. So every time CHS students decided to sneak off into the bushes and get dirty...they usually did it right in front of me. Straight, gay, bi, threesomes, moresomes, Flash Sentry taking it up the--oh, I guess I shouldn't say any more."
Fluttershy blushed. "I had no idea."
"So this is my big chance!" Wallflower said.
"Your big chance for what?"
"To watch people having sex, who've given me THEIR PERMISSION TO SEE THEM DOING IT!"
"Um..."
"That's the ONLY kind of sex I've never seen before. Once I've seen this film, I'll have seen EVERY kind of sex there is!"
The room's light dimmed.
On the screen at the front of the room, a title card appeared:
Prench Art Film
Part 2
starring Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon Bonneville
written by Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon Bonneville
directed by Lyra Heartstrings and Bon-Bon Bonneville
Beside Wallflower, Sunset Shimmer slid into an empty seat. "Sorry I'm late," she whispered. "The lines for the bathrooms were really long."
On the movie screen, the title card vanished. The camera cut to a close-up of a single chess piece, a queen. The view slowly pulled back, showing more of the board and more pieces.
The camera pulled back even farther, bringing Lyra's light green hair and head into the shot.
As the camera kept pulling back, the audience saw that Lyra was wearing a long sleeved winter coat, snow-resistant overtrousers, and high snow boots.
"What?" Wallflower whispered. "The film is only seven minutes long! Get to the good part! Take it all off."
Fluttershy was silent. She was good at that.
The camera zoomed back in on the board. A moment later, the camera cut to a close-up on Bon-Bon's face. Bon-Bon frowned, and pressed fingers against both sides of her head.
The camera panned to show the chessboard, where a spot of red light glowed around a pawn. The pawn seemed to twitch jerkily, little by little, until it had moved forward two squares.
"I guess that's a nice special effect?" Fluttershy whispered. "I wonder if Twilight did that for them, with her magic geode."
The camera cut back to Lyra, who reached forward to move a pawn of her own.
The game continued. Bon Bon, dressed for a snowstorm much like Lyra, 'moved' pieces by looking at them and making funny faces that were probably supposed to show how hard she was concentrating.
Lyra, however, just used her hands.
Seven minutes later, the movie ended, the chess game unfinished. After a brief credits sequence, the room lights came back on.
"I can't believe it!" Wallflower complained to Fluttershy. "I was robbed! I came all the way to this special film festival--"
"We walked three blocks," Sunset said.
"How many blocks doesn't matter! It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing! I was owed nudity and a sex scene, and I didn't get them! I didn't get ANYTHING!"
Fluttershy said softly, "You did get to see 'Trees of the Everfree' again. And I finally got to see it too, with you. I had no idea the American Chestnut--"
"Buck the American Chestnut! I mean, I love the American Chestnut, but..."
Lyra and Bon-Bon walked out in front of the movie screen. "Hello!" Lyra smiled. "You're the first audience who's ever had the chance to see the sequel to our first movie, 'Prench Art Film.'"
Wallflower growled angrily, "What the buck was that?"
Bon-Bon stepped forward. "I understand our artistic vision was...very indirect. Some people might even find it confusing. But it's a metaphor for the jadedness and corruption of our society. In the old folktale, 'The Emperor's New Clothes,' a dishonest salesman told the emperor of the land that he'd sewn clothes so wondrous and fine, only the wisest and most noble people could even see them. Other people, who didn't DESERVE to see such a spendid raiment, would see nothing at all."
Wallflower grumbled, "Story of my bucking LIFE. No one saw me, but maybe no one DESERVED to see me, either."
Sitting beside Wallflower, Sunset giggled. She whispered, "I see you."
"Yeah? Buck off."
Sunset whispered, "I see a cute girl. An ANGRY cute girl. An adorably angry little green monster, with soulful brown eyes."
Bon-Bon, meanwhile, was still 'explaining' the film. "But seeing a person WITHOUT clothes...as if they're naked? That primeval nakedness is a symbol of innocence, like the Garden of Eden, before Adam and Eve ate the Fruit of Knowledge. So the REAL symbol of our society's so-called sophistication, with problems like war and hunger and oppression and poverty...our world is more like wearing a parka layered on top of three ugly sweaters. THAT'S the real symbol of our world's predicament."
"Yes," Lyra agreed. "That's why, when people innocently expected to see our film's stars clothed, we showed them innocent, non-sexual nudity, without any dirty parts. But at this festival, when people arrived hoping to see salacious pornography of teenagers, we showed not what people expected, but what people DESERVED. The layers and layers of artificial barriers and deceptions that despoil and hide the purity and innocence of the uncorrupted, original self."
Someone in the back asked, "What about the very different ways your film's two characters moved their chess pieces?"
Bon-Bon shrugged. "I'm sorry, we're out of time for questions. We've...got to go. Important appointment."
"Yes," Lyra agreed. "Artistic filmmaker stuff." She pulled Bon-Bon by the hand, leading her outside.
"Come on," Wallflower said. "Come with me." She stood, pulling on Sunset's hand.
"Come with you where?" Sunset asked.
"Come with me and make those two give us a refund!"
"I don't think the film festival gives them any of the ticket money. I think just renting the theater for the day costs more than--"
"Come with me NOW! Or find out how much trouble I get into without you!"
"Ok, ok. I'll come with you." Sunset looked over at Fluttershy. "'Shy...if we get into a lot of trouble, will you call our parents and tell them what happened?"
Fluttershy nodded. "I'll call Wallflower's parents. But not yours, because I don't think Equestrian ponies even have phones."
"Thanks. I really mean that." Sunset let herself be dragged out the same door as the two filmmakers had exited through.
Outside the theater, in some bushes, girlish giggles turned to squeals...but stopped.
"No!" Wallflower shouted, as she stomped towards the bushes. "Don't stop! I deserve to see what I bought a ticket for! You cheated me, and then you insulted me by saying that I deserve to be cheated! You're the worst kind of cheats!"
Bon-Bon and Lyra hurriedly straightened their clothes, their eyes shining in the shrubbery's shadows as they stared out at their accuser.
"Wally," Sunset said. "Give it a rest, please. It was just a movie."
"You don't understand. This was my ONE chance. My ONE CHANCE to see something I'd never seen before. Sure, I might be jaded and corrupted and filthy minded. But after hundreds of people have had sex right in front of me...no, thousands...can you blame me? It's not my fault! This was my ONE chance to watch people having sex who KNEW I was there and were ok with it--"
Sunset grabbed Wallflower's arm. "Would you cut it out? I'll tell you what. If I take you home, rip your clothes off, and finally get myself laid after YEARS of no bucking luck at all, will you quit acting like such a royal bitch?"
Wallflower looked back at Sunset, and smiled. "With the lights on? So I'll know you're sure it's ok for me to see what's happening? That it's ok for me to watch us having sex?"
"Sure. I'll even keep my eyes open too. Please just stop embarrassing me in public, and let's embarrass ourselves in private instead."
Bon-Bon coughed. "Excuse me. Since Wallflower's so sure she wants everyone involved in your sex to want to be watched doing it...Lyra and I ARE experienced cinematographers. I mean, if that's what Wallflower wants. To be watched."
Wallflower shouted, "Go buck yourself, you frauds!" She grabbed Sunset by the wrist, and started dragging her new girlfriend homewards.
***
"So that's the story of how Wallflower and I found out we both wanted to have sex," Sunset said. "And how I finally got to rip her clothes off faster than a virgin on Christmas morning."
Beside Sunset, Wallflower nodded cheerfully. "It's true. If you want something done right, sometimes you've got to do it yourself."
Author's Note
Is "I finally got to rip her clothes off faster than a virgin on Christmas morning" even a saying?
I guess NOW it is!
"Trees of the Everfree" is a movie in a story by Mica, "training wheels." (link)
