Three Stallions and a Princess

by Dreadnought

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flurry Heart, Soarin, Comedy, Fancypants, Braeburn, Royal Guard, Random, Adventure
Length: 5493

A Hearth's Warming adventure for Flurry Heart.

Three strangers and a bundle of chaos. What could go wrong?

A Jinglemas 2022 story for ANIMAK! Hope you enjoy it!

Published 2022-12-25 21:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-12-25 21:50:00 UTC

A Hearth's Warming Tale

“Where’s the baby?” Sunburst pulled his hooves from his eyes. “There she is!”

Flurry Heart giggled in response.

“Where’s the baby?... There she is!”

Flurry Heart gave a toothless smile as Sunburst lifted her from her carriage to cradle her.

“Aww,” cooed Princess Cadence as she watched the familiar routine.

Standing next to his wife, Shining Armor said, “I wish you’d reconsider and come with us next week to Canterlot. We could certainly use an extra set of eyes on Flurry Heart.”

“And I know she would love to have you with us,” added Cadence.

“I wish I could,” said Sunburst as he looked down at the little princess in his hooves, “but Starlight and I are headed to Sire’s Hollow for Hearth’s Warming. She’ll need my support over the holidays.” He paused in thought, then admitted, “And I’ll need hers.”

“WHAAA!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

“I really wish Sunburst had come with us,” sighed Princess Cadence as she tended to the cranky foal.

Yawning, Shining Armor responded, “Yeah, maybe we could have had him watch Flurry while we got some sleep.”

Stifling her own yawn, Cadence reassured, “Don’t worry dear, I’m sure your parents will watch her for a little while.”

“We can’t get there soon enough,” he complained.

Glancing out the coach’s window at the passing scenery, Cadence noted, “It’ll still be a some time before we arrive.”

Struggling to keep his eyes open, Shining thought out loud, “Do you remember when we first got married? When it was just the two of us?”

“Yes, dear.”

“When we could be completely alone?”

“It was our alone time that led to us being parents,” reminded Cadence.

“WHAAA!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

“Nothing I do will work,” she lamented.

Snapping up his drooping head, Shining had a thousand-yard stare before a spark of inspiration hit. “I’ve got an idea.”

“I’m willing to try anything at this point.”

Shining put his hooves over his baggy, blood-shot eyes. “Where’s the baby?” He yanked them away. “There she is!”

Flurry Heart stopped crying.

“Where’s the baby?... There she is!”

Flurry stared dumbly at her father.

“Well, it’s not the same reaction as with Sunburst,” Cadence observed, “but I do believe you were successful.” She lowered Flurry back into the basket and tucked her in. The young princess let out a wide yawn before settling down. Shortly she was peacefully asleep.

“We’ll have to remember that trick,” said Cadence, not even attempting to stifle a yawn. She pulled the shroud over the basket and stepped over into the open forelegs of her husband.

“Now it’s time for us to get some sleep,” responded Shining.

Shortly the captain of the guard and his wife were blissfully asleep.

The train rattled along, the clickety-clack of the wheels providing a relaxing white noise.

A slight bump rattled the private coach, but the pink princess merely shifted in her husband’s loving embrace. However, on the floor, a small snout poked out from under the shroud of a basket. The little princess carefully climbed out, the shroud falling gently back in place, and glanced up at the two sleeping adults. Turning, she flapped her wings and approached the end of the carriage, lighting her horn to open the door and slipping out. All the while the two adults slept on in ignorant bliss.

The door slid open and Flurry Heart flew in. Before her lay the baggage car, filled with a wide assortment of neatly organized trunks, suitcases, and boxes. The princess giggled in excitement and lit her horn....

An hour later the baggage car lay in complete disarray. Not even Discord himself could have created as much chaos. The trunks and suitcases and boxes could hardly be seen, as they were hidden by mounds of material. Clothing lay everywhere, with fancy gala dresses mixed with military uniforms and exercise gear. Some garments clung to the ceiling, hanging down like stalactites from the top of an ancient cavern. Hearth's Warming gifts were opened, their contents tossed haphazardly while the colorful wrapping paper was strewn like confetti. Wine bottles sat on their sides, their precious liquid soaking into the clothing while tins of baked goods sat open, their delicious contents sampled by a surprisingly voracious appetite of the foal.

With a wide toothless grin, Flurry Heart examined her work. Then she took off again, heading for the next train car.

Wheee!!!

Knock! Knock!

“Your highness?” came a voice.

Not opening her eyes, she called, “Yes?”

“We have arrived in Canterlot.”

“Thank you. Please tell the other guards we will be out in a few minutes.” Cadence opened her eyes and smiled as she continued to be held by her beloved husband. “Shiny?”

“Mmm?” he mumbled, obviously more asleep than not.

“We’re there," she announced.

Mumbling incoherently, Cadence believed he said, “That’s nice, dear. Let me know when we get to Canterlot.”

She kissed him on the cheek. “Come on sleepy head, time to get up,” she giggled. When he failed to respond, she gave him a gentle shake.

Finally opening his eyes, he asked, “Where are we?”

Standing up, she said with a yawn, “Canterlot.”

“We’d better get going.” He stood up, stretching his muscles and cracking his neck. “I guess I’ll see how Flurry Heart is doing.”

“No dear,” Cadence counselled, “she’s sleeping so peacefully, it’s best if we not wake her. Besides, she can sleep for the next few hours as we run some errands on the way to your parent’s house.”

“That makes sense. We’d better make sure the Guard knows to take the luggage to my parent’s house.” His horn lit, levitating the basket. The side door slid open and Cadence, Shining, and a basket departed the train.

A short time later the train departed Canterlot, heading for its next destination.

Knock! Knock!

Twilight Velvet opened the front door with a smile. “Shining! Cadence!” She turned and yelled, “Honey, they’re here!”

“Hello mom,” greeted Shining.

“It’s nice to see you Twilight,” added Cadence.

Stepping aside, Twilight gestured, “Come in! Come in!”

Night Light came trotting down the stairs.

Shining looked up from his mother’s tight hug, “Dad!”

“Son,” greeted Night Light.

Father and son shook hooves as princess and mother-in-law embraced.

“Now,” said Twilight, “where’s my grandfoal?”

Shining levitated a basket. “Right here.” With a smile, he said, “Where’s the baby?” He drew back the shroud. “There she.... Where’s the baby!”

“All aboard!” came the cry of the conductor.

With a start, the train began to pull away from Appleloosa. Inside the sparsely populated passenger car, a lonesome stallion in a stetson moved down the corridor. He opened a door and stepped into the cabin. The earth pony sat down on the bench and let out a heavy sigh of relief. Reaching into his vest, he pulled out a simple metal flask and took a pull. Putting the flask away, the stallion leaned back and tipped the hat over his face. Starting to relax, he closed his eyes....

Snore!

The stallion bolted upright. What was that!? He glanced around the empty compartment.

Snore!

Looking up at the luggage rack above him, he discovered a little alicorn filly peacefully napping.

“And now we enter into the most delicate part of the negotiations,” continued Princess Celestia. “First, we must –”

The door to the throne room slammed open and four ponies came galloping in, fear and horror dominating their faces.

“This meeting is at an end,” declared Princess Luna.

Princess Celestia turned to the ambassadors and diplomatically said, “It appears there is urgent business forcing us to adjourn for today. I will send word as to when we will reconvene.”

Both the Yakyakistan and Griffonstone ambassadors left in a huff.

Taking the throne, Princess Celestia asked with concern, “Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, what has you so upset?”

“Flurry Heart is missing!” cried Princess Cadence.

The two sisters drew sharp gasps. “Missing?” pressed Princess Celestia.

“Yes, she went missing earlier today,” explained Shining Armor.

“Did she wander off, or do you believe her foalnapped?”

“We don’t know,” said Princess Cadence.

“Foalnapping Flurry Heart will not go unpunished! The perpetrators will suffer greatly!” proclaimed Princess Luna.

Celestia gave a long eye to her younger sister. “Luna, we mustn’t jump to conclusions.” Turning back to the frantic parents and grandparents, she requested, “Please, start from the beginning.”

Though a senior member of the guard, with his own office and plenty of performance reports to write, Ironclad was on his rounds. He enjoyed inspecting the younger guards, ensuring that they met the service's high standards. Perhaps he longed for the days of his youth, when he stood watch in the very same posts of the palace.

He stepped aside to allow the annoyed ambassadors of Griffonstone and Yakyakistan to pass by before continuing down the hallway. Walking past an open door to the throne room, the distinct voice of the Princess of the Night during mid-afternoon caught is attention: “Foalnapping Flurry Heart will not go unpunished! The perpetrators will suffer greatly!”

Ironclad spun around and galloped down the hall. Rushing down a flight of stairs, he burst into the guards’ lounge. Everywhere members were talking, studying, playing cards or drinking a beer after a hard day’s work. He shouted at the top of his lungs, “Attention everyone! Princess Flurry Heart has been foalnapped!”

Instantly everypony dropped what they were doing and there was a clammer to grab armor and weapons.

One of the officers turned to a younger guard who was headed in the opposite direction. “Silent Sentry, where are you going?” he demanded.

The young pegasus explained, “Sir, I’m going to dash off a quick letter to my brother. He’s a guard in the Crystal Empire.”

With a smile at Flurry Heart, the stallion took his sharp knife and plunged it deep into the flesh. He pulled it down, the liquid oozing out, and used the knife to pry a piece of flesh and skin off. He carefully hoofed it over to Flurry Heart, who giggled at the display before taking the apple slice into her tiny hooves.

“So, little princess, what are y’all doin’ on this train?” he asked.

She looked up at him as she sucked on the apple slice.

“Well, one thing’s for sure, yer parents are lookin’ fer ya. They’re probably worried sick over you. But don’t you worry none. Once we get to the next station, Ah’ll get us a train tickets direct to the Crystal Empire. You can count on Braeburn to get you home!”

The pegasus shivered as she flew through the storm. With every up stroke of her wings, she inhaled, her lungs burning with the frigid air. With every down stroke she exhaled, sending forth a thick cloud of condensation. She squinted through her fogging goggles to see ahead through the swirling snow, encountering the occasional whiteout. Though she dared not glance behind, she was sure there were icicles forming on her feathers and tail.

At last, she spotted an oasis of green in the hurricane of white. She swooped down and passed through the protective barrier. Though bathed in warmth, it would take some time before she was truly warm again. Soaring over the town, she banked towards the glittering crystal palace in the middle.

The pegasus slowly descended to the courtyard below the soaring castle. She shook herself, bits of snow falling onto the stonework beneath her hooves. Turning, she trotted over to the front door guarded by two sentries.

“Can we help you, Miss?” asked the one on the left.

“I’m an official Equestrian courier,” she explained. “I’ve got a letter for one of the guards.”

“Which one?” asked the one on the right.

“Flash Sentry.”

The two guards looked at each other. “I know where he’s at. Follow me,” said the left one.

She fell in behind the guard, who led her into the depths of the castle until the pair reached a large armory. “Sentry!” he barked.

A young pegasus stallion came galloping up. “Yes, Sir?”

“Flash Sentry?” she asked.

“Yes, how can I help you?”

She reached into her satchel and pulled forth a sealed envelope. “I have a letter from your brother. He insisted it come emergency mail.”

Flash took the envelope and tore it open. Pulling out the letter inside, his eyes scanned the contents. “Sweet Celestia! Flurry Heart has been foalnapped!”

The eyes on the old guard shot open and raced to the wall. He pulled a lever and alarm bells rang out around the castle. Guards spilled into the halls and rushed about in a mad panic.

The train pulled into the station and came to a gentle stop, letting out a loud Hiss! Great puffs of white steam swirled around the platform. The doors to the coaches opened and ponies disembarked, heading this way and that.

After a few minutes, an earth pony in a stetson with a foal riding on his back stepped off the train onto the deserted platform. This in itself would have drawn attention, but it would have been overshadowed by the fact that the foal was an alicorn. She looked about and giggled at the faint whisps of steam fading away.

The stallion approached the ticket counter. “Howdy there,” he greeted.

“Hello,” said the teller.

“I need two tickets for the next train to the Crystal Empire,” explained Braeburn.

The teller examined his schedule. “The next train departs in half-an-hour. That’ll be thirty bits.”

Braeburn hoofed over the bits and the teller passed the tickets. “You’ll need to ensure that your friend is on time.”

Braeburn chuckled, “Oh, that won’t be a problem, she’s right – Where’s the baby!” Braeburn turned around and around. “Where’s the baby! Where’s the ba-by!” he cried. He dashed down the platform, but to no avail. He darted outside, frantically looking to the left and right along the busy street.

“Gee-hee.”

Looking up at the source of the giggle, he saw Flurry Heart soaring overhead. Braeburn galloped in a mad pursuit of the playful pony princess. He nearly ran into a mare, causing her to drop all her packages in surprise. “Excuse me!” He slammed into a unicorn stallion, the cake he was levitating suddenly covering the irate unicorn’s face. “Sorry!” He darted down the street in front of a taxi, causing the driver to slam on the brakes. “Coming through!” Flurry Heart increased the distance between herself and Braeburn. “Baby come back!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

A blue blur streaked overhead before intercepting the bolting babbling baby. A pegasus stallion flew down and landed in front of a heaving Braeburn.

“Thank – ya – kindly,” the earth pony wheezed.

The pegasus examined the foal in his forelegs. “She’s an alicorn! What a minute, this is Flurry Heart.”

“Yes,” Braeburn nodded.

He eyed the earth pony suspiciously. “What are you doing with the princess?” he demanded.

Still catching his breath, Braeburn managed to get out, “Ah found her and Ah’m trying to take her back to her parents in the Crystal Empire.”

“You found her?”

“On the train.”

“You found an alicorn princess on the train?” the voice dripping with disbelief.

“Yeah. Don’t know how she ended up there. Now, if you’ll give her here, Ah’ll take her home.”

The pegasus continued to eye him doubtfully. “How about I come with you?”

Braeburn thought for a moment, taking out his flask. “Well, Ah could use the help. As you’ve seen, if she takes to the air Ah’ll need somepony to fly up and grab her.” He took a pull. “Let’s get you a ticket partner, the train will be leaving in a few minutes.”

He turned and headed towards the station. The pegasus followed after him, keeping Flurry Heart under control. “I’m Soarin,” he introduced.

“Braeburn.”

The captain addressed the crystal guards. “Thank you all for assembling so quickly. I have important news to pass along.” When he was sure he had everypony’s attention, he announced, “Princess Flurry Heart has been foalnapped!” Murmurs filled the hall. “We have yet to receive a ransom note, so we don’t know what they want, but we believe the foalnappers to be armed and dangerous. Therefore, use any means at your disposal to bring the princess in unharmed. Let me make this clear, lethal force is authorized.”

The guards looked amongst themselves.

Twilight flew about, hanging decorations in the castle foyer. Reaching the end of a strings of lights, she teleported to the floor. “Spike, where’s the next string of lights?”

Climbing out of a cardboard box and peering into another, he said, “Looking for it.”

“We need to find those lights. I’m determined to have this place decorated before Shining and Cadence arrive tomorrow.”

“Well –” Burp! A scroll materialized out of green flame.

“What’s this?” wondered Twilight.

“It’s from Princess Celestia.”

“What could she want? I hope something terrible hasn’t happened.”

“Relax. I’m sure it’s just a happy Hearth's Warming message.”

The stallions found an empty cabin and settled in, watching the rambunctious alicorn inspect her new surroundings.

“Flurry Heart is missing!” cried Twilight.

As Flurry Heart bounced off the walls like a pinball, Braeburn asked, “Any ideas on how to get her to calm down?”

“Calm down,” advised Spike. He handed Twilight a paper bag, into which she breathed heavily. “You stay here, I’ll go grab the other ponies.”

Reaching out and snatching Flurry in the air, Braeburn brought the filly under control. “Now, Ah’m goin’ to do to you what ma used to do to me.” He cleared his throat:
♫ Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed... ♪

“I heard it was a pair of stallions. One of them was a huge earth pony and the other a nasty unicorn,” reported one crystal guard.

“I heard it was an earth pony and a pegasus,” related another.

“Well I heard that when Cadence was in the dining car, they ambushed Shining Armor. He’s in the hospital in intensive care,” recounted a third.

“One thing’s for sure,” added a fourth as he sharpened his sword, “if those foalnappers dare to show their faces around here, we’ll make them wish they had never been born.”

Inside a private compartment, two stallions slept with an alicorn nestled in a tight embrace between them. The pegasus had his head resting on the shoulder of the earth pony.

With a sudden jerk, the train came to a halt. Opening his eyes, Braeburn said, “I think we’ve arrived.”

Soarin glanced out the window and said, “I think you’re right.” Looking down at the waking foal between them, he said, “Time to get you home, your highness.”

Flurry Heart yawned then gave a toothless grin at Soarin.

The pair disembarked and walked down the main thoroughfare towards the towering castle.

“Won’t your parents be happy when we bring you home?” chuckled Braeburn.

“They’ll be more relieved than anything. And they'll want to know what she was doing on the train,” said Soarin.

“I don’t rightly know. Hey look, there’s some crystal guards.”

The four guards spotted the stallions. “They’ve got Flurry Heart!” one yelled.

“Stop right there, foalnappers!” cried the second.

Brandishing swords and axes and maces and bows with arrows, the four horses charged at the pair of stallions.

“What?” asked a dumbfounded Soarin.

He was pulled away by Braeburn. “Run partner!”

The two stallions galloped back down the main thoroughfare with the crystal guards in hot pursuit.

“You kidnapped Flurry Heart!” exclaimed Soarin.

“I keep tellin’ ya, Ah found her on the train. Besides, if’n Ah did it, would Ah be stupid enough to come back here!?”

The four guards continued charging after the fleeing pair, drawing the attention of passersby.

A moment later a volley of arrows landed around the fleeing stallions.

“Quick, this way!” Braeburn pulled Soarin down a side street. He turned a sharp right down an alley, up a flight of stairs, then left down another alley.

“Where are we –?”

Soarin and Flurry were yanked through a doorway, the door slamming shut and locking behind them. He found a hoof covering his mouth as he heard Braeburn breathing heavily behind him. Outside the yelling of the guards got closer, until they were right outside the door. Then they continued down the alley and passed from earshot.

After a minute Braeburn let Soarin go.

“Why were they after us?” demanded Soarin.

“They think we foalnapped Flurry,” said Braeburn.

“You mean they think you foalnapped Flurry,” corrected Soarin.

Braeburn shook his head, “In case yah didn’t notice, they were after both of us. They think we both foalnapped Flurry.”

“So what are we going to do?” wondered Soarin.

Braeburn took out his flask for a pull, then passed it to Soarin who downed the rest. “I know!” said Braeburn.

“What?” asked Soarin as he hoofed the flask back.

“Mah cousin is friends with Princess Twilight. All we need tah do is get tah Ponyville. She doesn’t have any guards and Ah’m sure she’ll listen.”

“And how are we supposed to get to Ponyville?”

Braeburn shrugged, “The train of course.”

A pair of stallions toting something wrapped in a blanket approached the train from the right, keeping the train between themselves and the platform. Clandestinely they climbed abord the last car.

“I don’t think anypony saw us,” said Soarin.

“Celestia help us if they did,” retorted Braeburn.

Flurry Heart wormed her way out of the blanket.

Looking down at the purportedly purloined pony princess, Braeburn said, “You’re a bundle of trouble, ain’t ya?”

Flurry Heart just giggled again.

Looking about the plush interior of the train car, Braeburn asked, “Where are we?”

“Looks like a private car,” noted Soarin.

“Shoot, this is nicer than mah home.”

“Same here.”

Wheee!!!! cried the train whistle. With a jolt the train began moving.

“We are we going?” wondered Soarin.

“Anyplace beats the Crystal Empire right now,” retorted Braeburn. “Let’s take a load off our hooves.”

The stallions sat down at a table and kept Flurry Heart from exploring the car. “Oh no you don’t,” said Soarin.

They watched as the Crystal Empire passed behind them, then they saw the swirling snowstorms of the frozen north.

“Maybe I should scrounge around for some food,” said Braeburn.

“You’re going to take this pony’s food?”

“Ah’m hungry.” There was a noise, and Braeburn chuckled, “And Ah hear your stomach as well.”

“That wasn’t my stomach.”

The door swung open. A unicorn stallion in a black dinner jacket, purple bowtie and monocle entered. Spotting the pair, he exclaimed, “My word. What are you doing in my private coach? And is that Princess Flurry Heart! You’re the foalnappers!”

“Keep it down!” ordered Braeburn.

In a flash, Soarin had bolted to the door and blocked the exit.

“Are you going to hold me hostage!” demanded the unicorn.

Braeburn removed his hat and rubbed his head, “This day just keeps getting longer and longer.”

“We don’t want any trouble,” insisted Soarin.

Glancing to the princess joyfully observing the unfolding scene, the unicorn returned his gaze to Soarin and quirked an eyebrow.

“Okay, here’s the deal partner. Ah found Flurry Heart, and me and Soarin were trying to return the princess to her parents when the guard spotted us and called us foalnappers. We’re going to Ponyville to try to meet with Princess Twilight. We're sure she'll hear us out.”

The unicorn looked at Braeburn doubtfully.

“It’s true,” confirmed Soarin. “We just want to return the princess and be on our way.”

The unicorn looked back at the pegasus. “Wait a minute. He said your name was Soarin. Aren’t you a Wonderbolt?”

Soarin shook his head.

Turning back to the earth pony, he said, “I don’t recognize you.”

Hesitating for a moment, he finally approached the unicorn and held out a hoof. “Doubt ya would have heard of me. Mah name’s Braeburn.”

The unicorn shook his hoof, “Fancy Pants. I’m still not sure I believe your story.”

“That’s alright,” responded Soarin. “At this point, I’m not sure I believe us.”

“Ah swear what we said was the gosh honest truth."

The unicorn still eyed the earth pony.

Braeburn continued, "We hate tah bother ya, but we’d be a mite appreciative if’n ya let us stay here until the next station. Then we’ll get out of yer mane and take the train tah Ponyville.”

Fancy thought for a moment, “You’ll have to wait until we get to Whinnyapolis to get a connecting train for Ponyville.” He looked at the pair of stallions, “And there’s a good chance that they will be on the lookout for you two. I doubt very seriously that you'll pass unnoticed.”

“What are we going to do?” wondered Braeburn.

Fancy rubbed his chin. “I may have an idea.”

“He’s been gone a long time,” reflected Braeburn as he gazed out the window upon the Salt Lick City train station.

“He’s probably gone to get the police,” lamented Soarin. “We’re headed for jail for sure.”

“If the police come, Ah’ll hold them off so you can get away,” reassured Braeburn.

Whipping his head around to stare at the stallion, he exclaimed, “What!”

“Look, Ah’m the one who’s been in this mess from the beginning, and you just got roped in. Ain’t fair that you would go to jail with me.”

Soarin shook his head, “We’re in this together. Besides, Fancy Pants knows who I am.”

The door to the car opened and both stallions held their breath.

Fancy entered levitating some shopping bags. Rummaging through one, he pulled out a small toy for Flurry who giggled in delight. A whistle shrieked and the train began moving again. “Looks like I made it back just in time,” he noted.

“Where did you go?” asked Soarin.

“Shopping,” explained Fancy, setting the shopping bags down.

“Why?” asked Braeburn.

“After your escapade in the Crystal Empire, the police will be looking for an earth pony and a pegasus. So, I purchased you some new outfits to help change your look.” He held up two suits in the sizes of Braeburn and Soarin.

“That’s a nice sentiment, but we’re still an earth pony and pegasus. I’m sure we would still recognized,” responded Soarin.

“Not if there’s three unicorn stallions,” retorted Fancy.

“What do you mean three unicorn stallions?” asked Braeburn.

Fancy levitated two horns from the shopping bags. “From the local costume shop,” he explained.

“What?” asked Braeburn.

Fancy Pants smiled:
♪ Come on, sit right down and let me take a crack at your looks,
Just because we're undercover doesn't mean we're crooks,
When we walk you through the crowd and give your brand new looks a spin
You're gonna fit right in ♫

Braeburn:
This is a new low.

Fancy Pants:
♪ You're gonna fit right in ♫

Braeburn:
This will never work!

Soarin:
♫ Look, I know we're riskin' everything for this endeavor
But look at us, we're brave and strong and weird and clever
We're runnin' out of options and we're desperate to begin ♪

Fancy Pants:
♪ You're gonna fit right in ♫

Braeburn:
If you say so.

Fancy Pants:
♪ You're gonna fit right in ♫

♪ I know you will, now watch and learn ♫

♪This is how a unicorn walks
This is how a unicorn talks
This is how a unicorn greets
This is how a unicorn eats ♫

♪ This is how a unicorn struts
Be sure to suck in your unicorn guts
Now you're in the unicorn know
Soon you'll be a unicorn pro! ♫

♪ Oh, a unicorn horn makes a unicorn stride
It's the more-head on your forehead, it's the source of your pride
Every unicorn who's born has worn a horn that's unique
So we'll whip them up as we speak, you'll be lookin' très magnifique
And with those rocks in our pockets, we'll reap the reward
And folks'll be floored, we'll strike a new chord
Your freedom restored! ♫

Braeburn:
♫ If we fail, we'll go to prison ♪

Soarin:
♫ But if not, we'll start to grin ♪

Fancy Pants:
♪ So let's begin! ♫

All:
♪ We're gonna fit right in! ♪

Braeburn:
♫ This is how a unicorn walks

Soarin:
♫ This is how a unicorn talks

Fancy Pants:
♪ Now you're looking unicorn strong
This is how a unicorn ends this song! ♫

Snow swirled around the tracks and Luna’s moon climbed into the sky as the train pulled into the station at Whinnyapolis. When the doors opened three stallions, all unicorns, stepped out together, with the pale yellow one holding a foal in a large one-piece winter outfit.

The three peered around the train station. Several police were conferring with a member of the Royal Guard.

“Go get the train tickets," directed Fancy Pants.

Keeping an eye on the guard, Soarin replied, "Sure," as he trotted over to the ticket counter.

The pair stood there on the platform waiting for Soarin to return.

An earth pony police officer approached.

Braeburn began breathing heavily and glancing around nervously.

Observing his behavior, Fancy whispered, “Unicorns do not look nervous.”

“Oh, right.” Absently he brought a hoof to his faux horn.

Fancy swatted Braeburn's hoof, in the most refined way imaginable.

"Is something the matter?" asked the police officer.

Fancy Pants chuckled, "My friend here as hornitis. Very unfortunate condition. It causes extreme irritation."

Braeburn began sweating.

"Is he going to be okay?" asked the office.

"Of course, as long as he does not touch his horn." He leaned down closer so and said in a hushed tone, "That is how is spreads, you know."

"Oh," the guard said, nodding in apparent understanding.

Fancy stood back to his full height and continued with a smile, "The doctor did offer a cone, much like you see on dogs, to prevent him from scratching his horn. But as long as he has the willpower to keep his hooves away from his horn, he will be fine."

The officer turned to Braeburn, "I hope your condition improves. You gentlestallions have a good evening." He continued down the platform.

"That was close," whispered Braeburn.

“I’ve got the tickets,” proclaimed Soarin as he came up to the group.

“Outstanding,” beamed Fancy.

“Let’s get on board,” said Braeburn.

“It’s that train over there,” pointed Soarin.

The three unicorn stallions approached the awaiting train that promised to be their salvation. Soarin hoofed over the tickets to the waiting conductor. The conductor gave the group a long look before punching their tickets. “Have a nice night,” he said.

The stallions boarded and found a private compartment.

“I can’t believe that worked,” said Braeburn.

“Neither can I,” added Soarin.

Looking down his monocle, Fancy Pants tsked, “Really gents. You must have more trust in my abilities.”

Luna’s moon hung high in the sky overhead. Three stallions and a princess approached the castle, glittering in the moonlight.

Climbing the front steps, Fancy politely knocked. A moment later the door opened to reveal Spike. “Yes?” he asked.

Peering down at the diminutive dragon, he said, “We’re here to see Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Spike looked up at the unicorn, “Now’s really not a good time.”

“I really must insist, this is an extremely important matter,” Fancy insisted.

Spike looked doubtfully, “Alright. But make it quick. She’s quite busy.” He led the three stallions into the grand foyer, half decorated for Hearth's Warming, before taking them to a small side room.

Inside, six mares huddled around a large circular table.

“There’s got to be something I can do!” proclaimed Twilight.

“Keep calm, darling,” advised a white unicorn mare.

“One thing’s for sure,” said a pink mare, “when we find her, I’m throwing the largest party in Equestria!”

Fancy came to a stop. “Rarity?”

“Fancy!”

“Applejack?”

“Braeburn!”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Soarin!”

“Pinkie!” All the ponies looked to the pink mare. “What?” she shrugged.

“What’s going on?” asked Twilight.

Fancy levitated a small pony to Twilight.

“Flurry Heart!” Twilight cried as she rushed over and wrapped her forelegs around the foal who giggled in response.

“Soarin, what the hay is going on?” demanded Rainbow Dash.

“Braeburn, why in tarnation are y’all dressed as a unicorn?” asked Applejack.

“And Fancy Pants,” began Rarity, “how are you involved in all this?”

The stallions looked at each other. “Well,” started Soarin.

“You see,” continued Braeburn.

“It’s a rather long and complicated story,” finished Fancy Pants.

“Story later, party now!” proclaimed Pinkie Pie as she fired off her party cannon.

Twilight said, "Spike, send a letter to Canterlot and let everypony know that Flurry is safe and sound here in Ponyville."

Scribbling on parchment, Spike observed, “It’s a Hearths Warming miracle.”

Author's Note

Merry Christmas! Happy Hearth's Warming! I sincerely hope you enjoyed this little comedy. Have a happy holiday!

Dreadnought