I awoke with a sharp pain on my muzzle and a loud thud. I instinctively wince due to this and it takes me a good moment to open my eyes and see that I, in fact, fell face-first onto the floor. No blood spewed forth from my nostrils, my chitin tanked the blow, thankfully.

Groggily, I get my four holey legs under me and push, making myself stand. Once up, I look at the mess I left of my bed and frown. Surely, the servants will clean up and tidy my room… Right?

I turn away from my bed and head on over to my wardrobe, more like a hole in the wall with weird tendrils acting as doors, don't question it. In the great voyage, I only manage to trip twice, a new record. This is obviously because of my sleepiness, of course, no other reason.

Once there, I open the doors and come face-to-face with a clone of myself, or rather, my reflection. A black bug-looking horse with red eyes, a red mane, and a, you guessed it, red-tinted shell looks back at me. I sigh, I can no longer fake the truth. "A changeling," I remind myself "I'm still one of these Alien knockoffs, oh help me, god.". I look over myself and admire my great royal figure.

I must admit, I do look quite fine myself, my body is fit, compared to others, and that Extra Tallness™ gives me a more commanding presence. The only thing that would complete this look would be that cute little mind-altering hive-mind device. Talking of which, it's just right there, laying before the Royal Chestplate and next to a Rubix cube.

I consider delaying myself by playing the cube, which I never managed to resolve, but I get a hind-kick to the back of the head by the ghost of my deceased mother. She would do more, choke me probably, but she is not real anymore so further actions are fruitless. Although her curses still echo inside my head. Not because my head is empty, no, it's just that her screams and lectures are still engraved in my mind. Some even literally.

I begrudgingly take the crown and put it on top of my head, feeling its invisible magical tendrils sweep across my body and soul finally latching onto my mind. A tingle goes through my spine, "I'll never get used to it".

With its connection complete, I can now feel the buzz of hundreds of lesser bugs in my mind. Thank god for these crowns, if it weren't for them, I would've gone insane way sooner. This is actually the reason for its invention, thousands of years ago. Turns out that your governing body going feral and attacking anything on sight is not a good system of government, or something like that.

I am a King, although only in spirit. Since I have no balls, no dick, and probably no butthole since all our waste is ejected through the mouth. I also decided to transform my body to fit my more masculine viewpoint, and yes, this drains more love, but I'm petty like that. Judge me.

Being a king is cool, you have a shitload of power to abuse and enough lifespan to outlive the consequences of your actions.

Being a king, though, is very stressful and tiring. Not only do I have to manage my Kingdom, but I also have to make sure my subjects don't starve and I also have to make sure to account for the needs of the Pentarchy, the Hive Highborns, and the Baseborns.

Oh, but it doesn't end there, no dear sir. I am also a vassal, a motherfucking vassal. I don't know who had the funny fucking idea of "Hey guys, why don't we delegate our power to a single individual so that our species is unified and we don't have to fight for food?" But I swear, on God almighty, I will find him and I will defenestrate him, even if I have to travel through time.

In concept, the idea didn't sound so bad. In practice, however… endless squabbling for the allocation of resources, bloodline conflicts from before documented history, competition for hunting grounds and, to top it all off, a demented leader at the front of it all.

Yeah, that Imperial Federation you all endorsed so much? It is a burning pile of dogshit. I don't know if the other Queens agree with me, but I suspect they do. """"Empress"""" Chrysalis surely doesn't, that wicked witch has all the power in the world, why would she want otherwise?

Not only do I have to send love to Her dominion, but I also have to give military aid and support her both religiously and politically. At least the pentarchs are cool enough to be full of her shit and give her trouble every step of the way. Bad thing is, they also give trouble to me.

What is the Pentarchy? you may ask. In simple terms, it is the religious organization that holds all the religious activities of the Hives in check. Although really, the only thing they do is to kill off any impure, those being whoever sneezed in their general direction and those who preach heretical thoughts. Oh, they also, regulate the continuous breeding of changelings, keep track of population, perform miracles, mediate conflicts between Baseborns, sanctify new Highborns, care for the Royal Offspring and maintain the power of Queens, and King, under some sort of control. But that's minor stuff, these fuckers killed Oscpythae.

They also suspect me of heresy, but they can't do squat.

He was a funny guy, and I liked him, but then they came with their Sacred Stick and whacked him to death. I mean, they weren't wrong to kill him, he was a heretic, but he brought a smile to my face all the time.

Even being a Highborn cannot save you from divine judgment, I suppose. Oh, Highborns, yeah that is actually a simple topic to explain.

They are literally nobles, you have three tiers for them:

Knights, control groups of changelings in sectors, these guys are appointed by Lords, and they also literally are the ones who lead the troops to battle.

Lords, control sectors of hives and Knights, these fuckers obviously swore their oaths to me, and they are loyal, but dear god do they never stop fighting between themselves.

Then finally, Princesses, I did not pick the name, they are literally all female, I was a princess once too, but we don't talk about it. They control an entire hive, Lords can be ascended to this status under meritous service or if you come out of the Royal egg, like me.

I don't have princesses, if you are asking, if I were to die, then this whole Kingdom comes down with me, bitches. I don't plan to have brood right now, but I don't dismiss the chance that in the future I will have some. None of the lords alive fascinate me enough to give them a promotion, too.

Did I talk to you about the reproductive process of changelings? No? Good. It's fucking disgusting.

Well, I think that's enough daydreaming, for now, I am pretty sure that with how desperate the knocking outside my door has been getting, my steward is going to suffer from cardiac arrest. You might be wondering why they don't barge in? Simple, I pulled a Stalin and specifically told the guards what would happen if they entered into my room without permission. It is safe to assume they won't enter considering the amount of royal death threats I gave them the last time they did. The last two guards still have two more months to serve in the mines.

Sighing, I close my wardrobe and head on over to the door. I wait for the knocking to stop and open the door just when my steward is about to ram it. I step to the side and hold my leg out at floor length, he is unable to see it and stop in time, so he trips with it and falls face-first into the ground.

My day a little more brightened, I stop his fall with my magic, no need for senseless physical torment. Setting him back on his hooves, I give him a moment to regain his balance and release him.

"My brother in Christ, what's got you this uppity at this time of… " I cast a glance out the Royal spire's window, seeing the position of the sun. " … morning?"

Scythio, my ever-loyal red Baseborn steward, is clearly not up for my shit today as there is something that is making him worry a lot, judging by his emotions, muted as they may be. This makes me replace my little smirk with a worried frown.

"Your Majesty, I bring grave news! The attack- The attack has failed!" He looks directly into my eyes as he says this, something he never does, one notices these things after some time. The guards beside my chamber's door, in a show of unprofessionalism, turn and look shocked at my aide. "Her Imperial Highness's Army has been driven back and scattered, we do not know what became of our forces, but only around a f-fourth of our army came back, we do not know the casualties the other Queendoms sustained."

This gave me pause, and something to think about. "Well… fuck, this complicates things. Our army is fucked, the ponies now know about us so we are extra fucked, and Chryssy dearest lost the fucking battle. I hope no one gets any funny ideas from this or we will be ultra fucked." With a heavy sigh, I issue my next order, "Alright, let's get our bearings, first of all, who else knows about this?"

"Noling else, Your Majesty! Our army came right back to the Main Hive and have remained in the barracks ever since, I already ordered the Pentarchy to not let anyling come close and help with the healing." He assured me.

The Pentarchy?... I guess they can be trusted, although they will surely bother me after this. "Thank you for your initiative, Scythio. Please gather the commanding officers of the army and send them to the throne room, we will have a meeting." He nodded so fast I thought I would hear something snap and then proceeded to throw himself off the open doors at the other end of the hallway. One of the pros of being s bug horse is that you don't need stairs, wings are a blessing.

I looked at the space where he was for a few seconds and then turned around to face my guards, "Do not let anyone into my room and be safe in the knowledge that this storm will pass, carry on"

After they saluted I turned around and teleported to my throne room, falling into the space made for my royal butt. It was never comfy, but it sure was an imposing throne. Guards lined the walls of the throne room, each one stacked with some of the best equipment available. Let's hope they aren't some of the last.

Knowing that it will take a few hours for the meeting to happen, I take my time and access the hive mind.

All at once, every mind in this hive connects with mine, I hear their thoughts and see through their eyes. Then, my reach expands, and I feel my entire kingdom, I can no longer feel the same things as before, now I feel the 'emotion' it has. I focus on the heart, the Main Hive. It is tranquil but tense, they know we have sent our armies and they await their success, but they still don't know.

I unfocus and feel my entire Kingdom once again, then I feel a tug from the northeast, I look and I feel fear, dread, and uncertainty. I borrow the thoughts of those inside, then I break those thoughts down into words.

'Defeat, Dread, Loss, Grief, Fear, Pain, Anger, Hate'

The words echo in my mind and worry me, they know already, but how? I must try to calm them at least, lest they panic.

I send a suggestion to the mind of one of the Pentarchs representatives there, I tell her to reassure the masses and make them confident in my control of the situation. Do not let them panic.

I carry on guiding the minds of that hive carefully, every changeling counts. It is arduous work, but it must be done.

I leave the hive mind almost an hour after I entered, its buzz is a lot more faint and quiet after silencing fears and discontent. My head pulses with a throbbing headache after that much use of the hive mind, it is meant for uses of as much as thirty minutes before a 'cooldown', but today required its services more than ever. The worst thing we can have right now is chaos. Hopefully, this will help.

As I release my hold over the hive mind, I look around the throne room, everything looks the same. Same guards, same crimson tapestries, same painting of my mother's judgemental stare, same steward with a company of officers in tow, sam- Oh wait.

"I'm sorry, Sirs. How long have I kept you waiting?" I ask as I focus on the group prostrated before me.

"None at all, Your Majesty, we have just arrived" Scythio was horrible at lying, everyone knew. That's why he is my aide. I chose to ignore it in favor of more important matters.

"So, I have come under the knowledge that our attack has failed, is that right?" I ask the group of officers before me. I wait a moment, and, when no one comes forth, I cough. Suddenly, one of the officers is pushed before me by his four other comrades. He hisses in their direction before remembering I exist and crisply saluting.

"Y-Your Majesty, it is true, we… have failed. We managed to secure the Princess of Food and all went well until the time of the wedding, where the Imperial Highness was discovered by the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle, after she released the Princess of Food," The officer, who I can now identify as General Alacran, looks back at his subordinates, they nod at him and he returns his sight to me. "We, the Red Army, accomplished our assigned objectives but the Cyan army failed to subdue the local population to an acceptable parameter. After the fighting broke out on the streets, we redeployed to the railway station to stop any incoming or outgoing traffic, not much resistance was met there."

At this part, he looks down at his hooves and I can feel shame roll off him, "Approximately one hour after the occupation of the railway, an unknown spell was cast by the enemy, potentially enhanced by the love between the bride and groom, which repelled our forces and, literally, sent them flying away. This spell scattered us across the lands and left us disoriented and disorganized. After I fell I was able to link up with Colonel Tityus' forces," three officers nod their confirmation behind Alacran, " and picked up Captain Stratus' strike force near the outer colonies of the Yellow Queendom."

I slowly nod, taking this information in and processing it, then I ask, "So, how much have we lost? Are there any other officers with experience remaining?"

Alacran cringes as he responds, his fin retracting into his helmet, "We… we expect to have lost half of the army to the Equestrians, either dead or captured. We expect the other fourth to be in hiding or making their way here. We left a few infiltrators on the pony towns on the path towards our Kingdom so they can report about any changeling movement."

I hum at these… worrying news, then, with a mere summoning of will, I command the hive to raise the War Table beside the throne. A small tremble passes through the room and then the floor opens and out of it comes black tendrils made of the same tendrils of which my wardrobe's door is made. This table holds two maps, a map of the Imperial Federation and one of Equestria.

I go towards the table and I call for the General to come with me. He raises from his position and follows me, the officers follow him.

I put myself at the head of the table and sit down, the floor is indeed cold. I take a pack of figurines packed below the table and start placing them as I talk, "First of all, let's review the situation. Since Chryssy decided to keel over and di- be defeated, we have to prepare for any pretender to try and take the title of Empress. It is very likely those leaches will try to take advantage of the power vacuum, we should do the same. No-"

My talk is interrupted as the throne room doors are pushed open, the shouting coming from outside now able to be heard inside. A mass of black, white, and red passes through the double doors, with my guards trying to restrict their pass.

Out from this mass of changelings comes out the face of all evil, the face that makes babies cry, the face that called me Princess for a large part of my life.

Out came Pentarch Sulyvah, destroyer of hopes and dreams, and Head of the Red Pentarchy Branch. As old as a tree and strong as oak, he strides forth with such confidence that only age can bring.

"I demand an audience with King Blattodea!"

And he was furious.

What a way to start the day.

I am King Blattodea of the Constituent Red Kingdom, Vassal of Empress Chrysalis the leader of the Cyan Stratocratic Queendom and the Imperial Changeling Federation. I am now a changeling after the end of my glorious presence in another reality.

I am not a girl and I am not a fucking cockroach, this is my story.

Author's Note

If my humour is horrible, just tell me so I remove the comedy tag.

I don't know why I decided to make this. I literally wrote this in two hours while I have been planning on making a better story for three whole months now.

I'm gonna roll with it now, see where it takes me. Might borrow some ideas from the other plot in the meantime.

Any criticism is appreciated and please point out any grammar fails I have commited. Thanks!