Zipping the Feelings Away
Pipp sighed, refreshing her feed for the umpteenth time to see what other ponies had done today. Most of the time, she loved being on social media, having an audience and staging her life. Other times, like tonight, it felt useless and artificial.
The worst was feeling down, sad, angry—or any negative emotions really—and having to keep it for herself. It wasn’t rare, and Pipp managed to handle it well most of the time.
She sighed again. Most of the time.
Tonight, it was too much. She had to let it out somehow. Ironically, the first idea to come to her mind was internet-related. Maybe she was actually obsessed with being online.
There was this old website that no one really talked about anymore, where ponies could post without making accounts. It dated from back when huge companies like Hoofstagram didn’t control everything.
Pipp navigated to it, not sure what to expect. The interface was very old-fashioned, forum-like, and it was more active than what she expected. According to the footer, a hundred ponies were navigating the website.
It made her stomach tighten. Saying something anonymously on the internet was one thing, but getting too much attention wasn’t exactly what she was aiming for.
She navigated other’s posts for a few minutes, speed-reading several rants, ponies complaining about their jobs, about their partners, about her mother—it wasn’t rare for Pipp to come across similar content, but it was generally more… diluted.
At least, it looked like she wasn’t the only one using the website to get something out of her chest. And that was reassuring. Pretty much every post had answers though, and it made her idea a little scary. But why was she here exactly? Didn’t she want others to give their opinion? What would be the point of ranting there if it was read-only?
So she clicked “start a new post”. She started typing what was on her heart. It felt wrong, but it felt liberating. She pressed send without even proofreading, afraid to regret everything and chicken out. It was only when the new page loaded that she allowed herself to read the post she had just made.
Evening everypony, I’ve had something bothering me for a while, and it’s something I CANNOT tell anyone around me, so I figured I would post it here instead. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, just, please, don’t be mean.
I have a crush on my sister.
There. I said it. It’s not some mild stuff like “the non-blood-related sister I only got to know recently”, it’s my actual sister. I realized a couple months ago and tried to ignore it, fight it, let it pass, but I’m here and it’s still a thing.
It’s wrong. I know it’s wrong, but I mean, we would know if anypony could just stop being in love with someone that easily.
I think I’m doing a good job at hiding it, but I’m afraid I’ll let something slip out at some point. We spend several hours everyday together, and I want to stop feeling so bad about it. No one understands how much it weighs me down, how hard it is to act natural when I’m with her. I don’t think I can take it much longer, that’s why I’m here typing this. I probably shouldn’t, but it’s too late here I go send post
Fuck. Now she was regretting it. Pipp gritted her teeth, considering the “delete” button.
She turned her screen off instead. It was late, and she should be sleeping instead of posting nonsense on the internet.
An eternity passed as Pipp turned around endlessly, trying to find a position that would allow her to finally fall asleep. She felt like her skin was a press that crushed her insides from every direction. She wished she could sob for ten minutes and be freed from the sensation, but that wasn’t how it worked. If she could find relief from the heartache, it wouldn’t be alone in the middle of the night.
She grabbed her phone back, giving up on sleeping for the time being. A part of her had this crazy hope that another anonymous pony would give her a magical solution to solve all of her problems.
The post had three answers, which was a little disappointing, but also comforting. At least it hadn’t buzzed and put her in a weird situation.
She read everything slowly, as if it could overwhelm her, and when she reached the bottom of the page, she put down her phone to the side and sighed once more.
Even though she knew there was no miracle solution, she kind of expected the answers to be more helpful.
The first one advised her to leave her sister and come back only when her feelings for her stopped. Good joke. She was royalty, and there was no way she could leave everyone for months like that. Besides, that implied she would at some point naturally stop having a crush on her sister, which was possible, but not guaranteed.
Pipp realized she was biting at her hoof and shamefully let it fall back on the bed.
The second pony had stated that she should see a therapist. Once again, that was totally out of the question, as Pipp couldn’t trust anyone to keep the secret, especially against her overly curious mother. That was not safe, and like the first answer, had no guarantee to work.
The third post was the worst and the least stupid at the same time. “Talk about it with your sister”. Duh. If she did her best to act normal around her, it wasn’t to just end up spilling out everything and ask for her opinion. Plus, that would probably ruin their relationship as siblings forever, and that was one of Pipp’s biggest fears. The way they had said it, it sounded so easy… Pipp sighed once more. There really was no solution.
As she continued to lament on her bed, her fatigue eventually won over her anxiety, and Pipp managed to find light but relieving sleep.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading the first chapter of this fic. I'm kinda going blind on this one, so I'll update the tags if appropriate.
Just to be clear, don't expect regular updates, I'll write when I have time.
