Turned out that Twilight and Luna’s bit of business was taking longer than anticipated as it was rapidly drawing close to supper time yet they hadn't appeared. Though bored to tears, I hadn't gone mad yet luckily, as I entertained myself by inspecting my cell a little closer.

There was a window in the storage room I hadn't seen at first glance, the opening so narrow I probably wouldn't even be able to slip through it if there weren't bars in the way. Illuminated with magic, there were no candles, torches, or other physical light sources that I could use as a weapon if necessary. The bed was surprisingly long, nearly fitting my lanky form completely, though not comfortably.

The pillow was immediately flattened by my fat head, and my fat ass caused the entire thing to sag in the middle. The blanket barely covered my privates and would struggle to serve as a halfway decent towel in a pinch. It was disappointing and regrettable, but it wasn't the worst, and I had a feeling that I could leverage my perk of being treated as a pony prisoner to get some better amenities.

The bathroom was thankfully halfway decent, as at least the toilet didn't crack under my weight. The curtain actually obscured me from view surprisingly well, and the shower dispensed cool water whenever I needed it. There was even a sink which I used to get a drink of water and wash my face.

I considered a shower, but decided against it for now, as I was just feeling lazy and wanted to do so before I ended up passing out. Though I did stop, and inspect my armor a little closer, noting that it was more or less intact despite the beating it had taken. Made from bits of scrap, tanned hides, and plates held on by straps, it looked like it gave next to no protection when in truth it was far from useless.

Chainmail covered my midsection, while the heaviest plates covered my vitals. Over the lower parts of my arms and legs, there was little more than studded leather giving me more range of motion. While the rest had at least two to three layers of overlapping layers, ensuring that despite its looks my armor was probably better than the guard’s.

It was also a complete pain to remove, especially since it doubled as my clothes so I held up on removing it. I did, however, check to see if my secret cleavage dagger (plus sheathe, obviously) was still there, and sure enough, no one had noticed it. Which was a surprise as though barely any of said cleavage was visible, yet Luna still stared at my chest every time I looked away.

I chuckled to myself, and pushed the dagger back down, deciding to save that for later. After taking another gulp of water from the tap, I pulled the curtain aside to find that I was no longer alone. I cursed the fact that I was so easily distracted, and looked over to find that I had been joined by a random guard and not Luna as I had expected.

“Yo, what can I do you for?” I offered, stepping out of the bathroom.

“Dinner will be served in a few minutes. Would you like to come upstairs to eat?” they offered.

“Oh uh, sure!” I replied with a smile. “Didn't think you’d offer that but I’d really like to eat at a table. Or even a coffee table.”

“Understood,” stated the armored thestral before walking away, disappearing up the steps.

“Well alright then,” I murmured. “Probably off to grab reinforcements I guess.”

Sure enough, he returned a moment later with the rest of his squad, the group standing around the exit to the cell. One of them produced a rune inscribed stone and pressed it against the bars, prompting an opening to appear. After stepping out, it closed behind me, and together we moved up the stairs with two in front and two in behind.

We reached the top, turned to the right, and walked out into the first layer of the library. The hustle and bustle had died down slightly, but there were still more than a few ponies standing around outside the window. Soldiers, guards, but no townsfolk, as the last of the gawkers had probably been told to go home. Spike wasn't around either, as was my other host and Luna, though judging from the pile of books laying open on a desk off to the side, Twilight had been here recently.

“You may sit there,” offered one of the guards of Manacle Squad.

“Sure,” I replied, flopping down into the couch they had pointed out. “Say, is that cute chef from before making me more food? He was so damn adorable.”

“He is not interested in you, gnoll,” growled a female voice.

I immediately sat up and turned to the speaker, noting that she was a slightly larger thestral that also looked to be the youngest of the group.

“Ohoho, someone has a crush,” I exclaimed. “Is it that mix of shyness and scars right? I ain't even a stallion gal, and even I know that's like, super attractive.”

The thestral mare didn't seem to have expected my teasing as she recoiled slightly, blinking in surprise.

“Or is it just the cooking skills? Cus I’ll admit that's also a huge bonus,” I sat back slightly, cupping my chin with my hand. “Though I might just be saying that due to my own inability to not burn anything that isn't a liquid.”

“It's uh…” the guardsmare swallowed hard. “It's the scars.”

I giggled. “You’re secret’s safe with me sister.”

A second later and the chef we’d been talking about for the past few minutes appeared, a bowl in hoof. Upon laying eyes on me, he smiled slightly and trotted over, placing the food on the coffee table in front of me. I glanced down, expecting prison gruel, but was surprised to find that it was a very hearty-looking chef’s salad.

“Oh damn dude, you really went all out,” I remarked, leaning in close. “Are those little slices tofo, or meat?”

“Tofo,” he replied with a smile. “But I cooked them in a bit of butter and fat so it should be uh… tasty.”

“Well, I love it already, thanks!” I stated.

“You’re quite welcome,” he declared with a smile.

I picked up the bowl, and the plastic fork but paused before digging in.

“Oh yeah and chef?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“The tall one has a crush on you,” I exclaimed, gesturing to the mare from earlier.

“H-hey! I thought my secret was safe with you?” spat the guard.

“Oh come on. I could tell from just talking to you that you werent about to break the ice on your own. Besides, it was a secret that you loved his scars not that you liked him,” I retorted, a smirk on my face.

I then turned back around and stuffed a forkful of delicious salad into my mouth. As I savored the interesting mix of flavors and aromas I could hear the guards either chuckling or fuming silently to themself.

“Um miss Bladedash? Maybe you could help me put away some of these dishes,” offered the chef.

That made me stop, and lift an eyebrow.

“Uh, sergeant?” she asked.

“Go ahead private,” replied her commander.

The pair scampered off into the kitchen, leaving me with three guards who were at least slightly relaxed. They still watched me like a murder of crows, but I noticed that they weren't quite as twitchy, nor did they touch their weapon as much. It was a nice first step, but this little cadre had clearly been chosen for their level heads as they did not seem eager to continue bantering with me.

Which was totally okay, as I was enthralled by the salad, and entranced by just how good the tofo was. It tasted like pork almost, our adorable little chef had nailed the texture so perfectly that I was tempted to ask him if he was lying. So enamored was I with the flavor that I didn't notice that someone was approaching the library until the door burst open.

I moved to grab my boob dagger but resisted the urge, merely glancing over to the entrance, where a few ponies in golden armor stood. The guards had clearly been caught by surprise as well, as they all moved to draw their weapons and get into defensive positions. That ended abruptly, with the sergeant raising a hoof and causing the rest of their squad to relax.

“Where is it?” spat Shining Armor.

“Sup?” I replied before stuffing another load of lettuce, tofu, and egg into my maw.

“You! Why is it just sitting here, eating like some kind of regular prisoner?” he demanded.

“Yes,” offered a thin unicorn mare that stepped out of Shining Armor’s shadow. “Why is this… thing, not in a cage?”

“Princess Twilight informed us to treat the prisoner as we would any other,” stated the sergeant, a slightly shorter thestral with an intense gaze. “As such we are feeding her a meal suitable for her caloric intake and dietary requirements.”

“Why is it out here at all? I thought Twilight said she was going to take care of it,” Shining Armor pressed, stepping closer.

“Oh, they’ve been taking great care of me!” I offered.

“Augh,” Shining Armor muttered. “She cast a translation spell on it too.”

“Yup, so now I can remark about how much you resemble a tiny, angry weasel and you’ll be able to understand me. Great ain't it?” I remarked before taking another bite of salad.

Shining Armor growled under his breath, the stallion producing a noise I hadn't thought a pony could even make.

“Sir, the order,” offered her second in command.

I raised an eyebrow at the remark, chewing slowly as I looked at the tall unicorn mare up and down. She had a pink coat, purple eyes, a short mane of wavey two-toned teal hair, and a face that looked like it had never known a smile. If she wasn't quite so pink she’d look like the perfect ice queen, as she had stoic, empty eyes that contained nothing but mild irritation.

She wore a small bow in her mane, and light armor made up of a breastplate, plus a large gorget around her neck. Under that, she wore a gambeson, which was a sort of heavy padded armor that covered all but the bottoms of her hooves. She had no visible weapons save for a single long sword that I recognized immediately as an estoc. This type of longsword was used by mounted fighters during the medieval period and was meant to be driven into the weak points of plate armor, killing the wearer without having to pierce their defenses.

“Right,” Shining Armor muttered, digging into his saddlebags and producing a roll of parchment. “By decree of the acting commander of the Ponyville forces and ratified by the mayor of Ponyville I hereby order the immediate execution of the prisoner.”

That shocked even me, and I just sat there, with my jaw hanging open, pieces of lettuce and shaved carrot falling out. The guards seemed just as confused as me, as they stood there, looking straight at Shining Armor. Who only seemed to grow more annoyed when they didn't jump to murder me while I was eating my dinner.

“What are you waiting for? Get the beast’s head over that table and I shall carry out the execution myself,” Shining Armor proclaimed.

The plate mail armored stallion produced a greatsword with only a single sharp edge to it and a flat tip. I recognized this blade as an executioner's sword, though my brain was only kind of aware of this fact as I was still in shock. Shining Armor, however, was not surprised and took a step forward, only to be met by the sergeant.

“I can't let you do that sir. Our orders are to treat the prisoner as any other awaiting trial,” they declared in a low tone. “Which means no summary executions.”

That seemed to shock the rest of the guards out of their stupor as they stepped forward, eager to support their leader. The tall, slim unicorn mare I pegged as Shining Armor’s second did the same, her horn shimmering with a faint teal light. A few other solar guards readied themselves near the door, but Shining’s second held them at bay with a raised hoof.

“There will be no trial,” Shining Armor stated. “A state of emergency has been declared, and as such I have the authority to end it through whatever means I deem necessary.”

“Woah dude, this isn't an emergency? I’ve literally done nothing but hit on your sister, and answer her questions,” I retorted with a smirk.

I could see a vein bulge in Shining Armor’s forehead, which only made my smirk grow even more mischievous. I wondered briefly if pissing him off, even more, was a good idea, but honestly, I was far beyond the point of caring about playing nice.

“You leave her out of this!” Shining Armor spat.

“How? She was the one who promised that I’d be treated like a pony prisoner. Doesn't her authority as a princess, override yours?” I replied.

Manacle squad looked from me to Shining Armor, their gazes uncertain and their body language uncommitted.

“In states of emergency like this one, authority falls to me, and me alone,” Shining Armor stated.

“And last I checked there were no princesses here to save you,” added his assistant.

“I’m sorry, who the hell are you?” I retorted, gesturing to Shining Armor’s second.

“I am Royal Ribbon. Shining Armor’s acting second in command,” replied the unicorn mare.

“That doesn't matter now. Quit stalling and get that thing restrained so that I may administer justice,” Shining Armor declared.

“Wait a second. Why did you let me off earlier if you were just going to try to murder me right after?” I pressed.

“I had assumed that I had pressed upon Twilight the necessity of your execution now are you three going to stand there like a couple of gawkers or am I going to have to have you court marshaled for insubordination?” Shining Armor demanded, gesturing with his sword to the four thestrals in charge of my person.

I could feel the sergeant’s uncertainty and knew that their loyalty to Luna was being weighed against their desire to follow the chain of command. It was a difficult call, but I knew how they looked to their princess of the night and had seen firsthand how much they respected her.

“Are you sure you want to betray Princess Luna like this?” I asked Manacle Squad in a low tone. “She tasked you with treating me with the respect of any other prisoner. You can't seriously be contemplating helping this nut job.”

Like a switch being flipped, any doubt left the sergeant’s face and they stepped forward confidently, putting themselves between me and Shining Armor.

“Fareeah has a point. If you truly have this authority, and truly gotten the sign-off of the local mayor then it will not matter if we wait until Luna’s return,” stated the thestral guard.

“All our paperwork is in order,” Royal Ribbon declared, tossing the scroll at the thestral. “You may check for the necessary signatures if you wish but stand aside while you do so.”

The sergeant took the scroll and handed it off to one of their subordinates.

“No, I don't think I will,” they stated in a cold tone, their declaration backed up by the rest of their squad falling in around them, including the mare who had left for the kitchen earlier. “I think we are going to sit here all nice and wait for Luna or Twilight's return.”

“Your careers are over, do you hear me?” Shining Armor hissed. “Standing in the way of a lawful order given with full authority will at best end up with a dishonorable discharge and at worst will see you imprisoned alongside the demon you defend!”

“We have a duty to disobey,” stated the unflinching sergeant. “Especially when it comes to any order that we consider to be illegal, or unconstitutional.”

The thestral’s closed ranks, their hooves going to their weapons, clearly expecting a fight to break out at any second. I watched for a moment before taking another bite out of the salad and munching noisily as the two parties stared one another down. I was fairly certain Shining Armor was about to strike first, but the sudden appearance of an alicorn stopped that from happening.

“What are you doing?” Twilight demanded, the pony stepping through the door, Rainbow Dash hot on her heels. “I told you I could handle this.”

“Yet IT is still alive,” Shining Armor retorted.

“Of course SHE is,” Twilight shot back, walking right up to her brother and towering over him. “I gave my word that she would be safe, that she would receive fair treatment under the law and that means not killing her randomly for no reason!”

“This is not for no reason. There is a demon in our midst!” Shining Armor shouted.

“That may be, but she is still to be treated as a citizen of Equestria for the intents and purposes of this investigation and the trial to come,” Twilight stated.

“You can't be serious. I can't be hearing this,” Shining Armor muttered. “After everything I’ve told you, after everything I’ve been through and you’re siding with that… thing!”

“I am not a thing,” I interrupted. “Unless that thing is a sex machine.”

“Be quiet Fareeah,” Twilight hissed before turning back to her brother. “And no, I am not siding against you. I am siding with justice and the law.”

“Well, the law is on our side,” Royal Ribbon interrupted, gesturing to the sergeant.

“Let me see that,” Twilight snapped, grabbing the piece of paper and reading it in a shockingly short amount of time. “This is official.”

“Of course, it-” Shining Armor began.

“I declare the emergency over,” Twilight interrupted.

“What?!” Shining Armor shouted.

“You heard me. Furthermore, the crown formerly annexes this library and the immediate vicinity,” Twilight exclaimed. “You may be able to pressure Mayor Mare into doing what you want but for all intents and purposes this library is now no longer a part of Ponyville.”

“But crown land falls under the jurisdiction of the highest local authority,” Royal Ribbon interjected.

“I am the highest authority in the land now go back to your camp until such time as you are needed,” Twilight declared, flaring her wings for I assume, dramatic effect.

Shining armor once more tried to stare her down, but was once more defeated when Twilight didn't flinch. She didn't even hesitate, though I could tell that beneath her cold exterior, she was growing increasingly anxious. Thankfully Shining Armor gave up, and with a huff, sheathed his weapon and turned away from me after shooting a final glare.

“Come on. Let's go,” Shining Armor exclaimed. “When Celestia finishes with her business and arrives in Ponyville she will do what needs to be done.”

Royal Ribbon gave Twilight a contemptuous look before following after her commander, either completely unbothered or irate. I honestly couldn't tell the difference with that strange, ice queen of a mare. Twilight also watched them go, with a surprisingly quiet Rainbow Dash looking on from the sidelines.

Only after they were gone did the room breathe a collective sigh of relief.

“Damn Twi, you really broke out the princess powers,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

Twilight grunted in apparent disgust. “I wish I didn't have to, but Shining Armor was over the line.”

“In my experience, that's completely normal for that psychopath,” I added.

“I told you not to call him that,” Twilight shot back.

“And I asked that I be treated fairly yet I still nearly had my head chopped off even while in your custody,” I retorted.

“That's messed up. I’m not a fan of her, but people can't just go around chopping people’s heads off cus you feel like it,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“I am aware of how bad this entire thing is,” Twilight muttered, a hoof going to her forehead. “This entire debacle has more red tape then… I don't even have a fitting metaphor, this is the worst.”

“Good to know that Equestria will at least put on a show before killing you over nothing,” I remarked before swallowing the last of my meal.

“I’ll get to that in a second, but first who told me that there was an emergency on the farm that I needed to attend to?” Twilight asked, glancing about the room. “I recall one of Luna’s guards telling me this yet I can't recall a name or a face.”

“It wasn't any of us,” remarked the sergeant. “I’ve had my eye on everyone all day.”

“Sure wasn't me,” I added.

“Of course, it wasn't…” Twilight sighed. “Whatever, I’ll deal with that later. To your point, no we won't kill you. Equestria doesn't have the death penalty anymore.”

“Except in the case of tyrants trying to control the minds of thousands,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“What?” Twilight muttered, only to wince. “That's right. Sombra.”

“Yeah, we totally killed that guy. Blew him up and everything,” Rainbow Dash declared while miming an explosion with her forehooves and even making the noise.

“That's hardcore,” I remarked.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “It's hard to feel bad for a guy that basically mind-raped an entire country and enslaved them all for years.”

“That wasn't…” Twilight grit her teeth. “That was technically an accident and it was ruled as such by the courts as well as Celestia herself.”

“I mean yeah but we still killed the guy,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “Fluttershy couldn't sleep for a month, but me? I was out like a light.”

“I’d have done the same,” I agreed.

“Well, that's something we agree on I guess,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Augh, I need some tea or something. Luna should be back in a minute,” Twilight muttered before slipping into the kitchen.

I reclined on the couch, enjoying the comfort, and the fact that I hadn't been recalled to my cell yet. Rainbow Dash saw fit to join me, plunking down on the chair across from me and fixing me with a questioning look.

I raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

“Did you really do all that stuff?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“If you're asking if it was me who tore up Fluttershy’s front yard, no. That was that rabid weasel Twilight claims is related to her,” I replied.

“I heard that!” Twilight shouted.

“I know!” I yelled back.

“No like, the murders and stuff,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“Augh I don't even know what they are accusing me of!” I declared, throwing my hands in the air. “First I’m guilty of the crime of being alive, now I’m accused of murder. Tomorrow I’ll be getting blamed for Nightmare Moon, and the common cold!”

“Huh,” Rainbow Dash muttered before standing up. “Alright, get up. I gotta punch you.”

“Why?” I asked, only to pause. “Also, no.”

“Nah I gotta. You made Fluttershy cry,” Rainbow Dash stated.

“Hey that was not me who trampled her azaleas,” I pointed out.

“You know that's not it now come on, stand up. I made a promise to Fluttershy when we were kids to punch everyone who made her cry and I don't intend on breaking it,” Rainbow Dash declared.

I paused and thought about it for a moment before standing up in front of the couch.

“Alright, fine. But it has to be above the belt, and preferably not in the boob,” I stated, gesturing to my chest.

“Heh, so you really are a girl. Applejack doesn't believe it,” Rainbow Dash remarked, flying up until she looked me in the eye.

“Yes, it's just another thing we have in common,” I muttered half-heartedly.

“Here I come,” Rainbow Dash stated before surging forward and slugging me in the face.

The punch was… mediocre at best, leaving my jaw likely bruised but that was about it.

“Huh,” I muttered while rubbing my jaw. “You punch better than Shining Armor.”

“Hah, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, puffing out her chest.

“What is this about punching? Please tell me you did not assault our prisoner,” Twilight declared, emerging from the kitchen with a teacup and saucer.

“Just had to even the score. It's good now, so I’m going to go,” Rainbow Dash answered.

“Why did you allow this, exactly?” Twilight demanded, turning to the sergeant.

“The prisoner consented,” they stated.

“It's true. She made a promise, and I’d hate to make her a liar,” I replied with a shrug.

“So am I free to go then?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

Twilight groaned. “Whatever. I’ve had just about enough of this mess for one day.”

“Cool, later,” Rainbow Dash declared before zipping out the door in a rainbow-hued blur.

“So, no more question periods?” I asked.

“No, er yes. We should have enough time for one more, provided that Luna arrives soon,” Twilight answered, pausing briefly to sip her tea.

As if on cue, Luna appeared at the library entrance, a concerned look on her face.

“I have a feeling as though I missed something important,” she remarked aloud.

“Nothing that won't take a minute to fill you in on,” I replied.

“Just, give me a minute why don't you? I really need some tea, and to sit for a moment. After that we can do some questions or whatever,” Twilight muttered bitterly.

“Alright, then I’ll fill you in,” I offered. “Shining Armor tried to murder me, Rainbow Dash assaulted me and oh, I also learned that you're apparently trying to pin multiple murders on me for some reason. I’m so intrigued to hear what manner of bullshit you are attempting to use to make that stick.”

“Twilight, explain,” Luna declared.

Twilight groaned loudly.

Author's Note

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