The Slaughter King

by Jest

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Adventure, Violence, Main 6, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human
Length: 78535

A young man finds himself getting a bit too into his D and D character. Dropped into a different, darker Equestria, he is forced to survive and fight. All while the dour warning of his friend hangs over his head... The God of slaughter is coming.

A young man finds himself getting a bit too into his D and D character. Dropped into a different, darker Equestria, he is forced to survive and fight. All while the dour warning of his friend hangs over his head... The God of slaughter is coming.

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

Published 2022-12-13 22:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-11 23:12:16 UTC

In Medias Res

My limbs were heavy, and my heart pounded in my ears while my instincts screamed at me to move. My very blood urged me to find my blade and butcher those that had dared attack me. Stumbling backward I gripped my dagger tightly while using my other hand to hold my pounding head, trying to will away the pain that robbed me of my focus. Blood flowed down my right arm, matting my fur and making my nose twitch as I detected the metallic aroma that now hung heavy in the air.

Shaking my head I ducked back behind a tree, dodging a cone of pressure that ripped through the bush I had just emerged from. “It's behind that tree, flank it!” Someone yelled, my necklace automatically converting the strange horse language of my attackers into something more discernible.

A low growl escaped my throat and I looked down at my long fury limb, noting that though the gash in my arm was quite long, it wasn't deep. Or life-threatening for that matter, though that came with the assumption that I could bandage it soon. Something that I didn't believe my attackers would just up and let me do.

“Goddamnit,” I growled to myself. “How the hell did I end up in this mess?”

The crunch of a hoof stepping through the underbrush alerted me to the fact that I was being surrounded once more, and I narrowly managed to roll out of the way before my cover exploded into a shower of splinters. I continued through a bush and slid behind another tree, my nearly eight-foot bulk only barely slipping behind the young birch that was now my only saving grace.

“Fuck, they are really out for blood,” I muttered to myself.

A peak from behind cover told me that the duo to my right was lagging behind, leaving the left open, while the shouty horse at the front was doing his best to back her up. My trap had left his leg injured, and the white-coated stallion was forced to use his magic to keep himself upright as he chased me through the woods. Knowing my opening wouldn't last long I threw myself to the left, hefting my dagger up and baring my pointed teeth as I charged the lone mare.

The golden armored horse stopped her spell casting the instant she saw me weave through the tree cover, dagger raised and jaw dripping with blood and saliva. I couldn't blame her for silently freaking out, as I was easily twice as tall as the diminutive horse people that I was now facing off against. Between my sheer size and the fact that I was covered in not only my own blood but the blood of my enemies and I would probably freak out too if I was still human.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was definitely not human, as if the spotted furry limbs, massive lanky stature, long teeth, claws, and hyena-like muzzle didn't already give that away. There were also other changes, but those were less pronounced and far more unpleasant, but I digress.

Instinct and skill mixed, and though the horse reacted quickly, I was already upon her, dagger thrusting towards her horn. The defensive spell she was about to fire fizzled as she was forced to jerk backward as I planned, allowing my free hand to close the distance and sweep down, grabbing her forehoof and lifting her completely off the ground. Using my newfound strength I whipped the horse thing back at her allies, offering a silent prayer to whatever deity was around that she didn't land on her head or something. A thud followed by a groan told me she was at least alive, though I dare not look over my shoulder to confirm that assumption.

Instead, I put my head down and threw my weight into a large bush that was out of the way of a bolt of force that tore through the air. The magenta magic zipped past me close enough to singe my tail, making me yelp and bring the appendage out of the second and third bolt that would have seen it removed entirely.

A glance back told me that more of the guards had arrived, one of whom had placed the injured white-coated stallion on his back, allowing him to fire bolts of magic without having to worry about his injured leg. Something that seemed to irk the prideful male, but not the larger, musclebound grey guard that he was now using as a ride.

I barked a quick, hyena-like laugh before turning and continuing my mad sprint into the forest, my instincts making me unable to resist the urge to mock an embarrassed enemy. I like to think his face got all blushy and he ground his teeth together like some sort of cartoon villain, but I didn't stay and check, instead using my superior stride to put ground between me and my pursuers. Something that normally would have been a simple matter for me, seeing as I had made these woods my home for almost a year at this point. That, however, was not the case today, as with pegasi now coming up on my rear, I knew that simply outrunning them was no longer a possibility.

With those eyes in the sky now right behind me, my ability to simply avoid detection was also pretty much nil. My surprisingly good hide skill was not nearly enough to conceal my bloody form on such short notice. With few other options, I began to wonder if this was going to be it and if I would die having been cut down by some errant magical bolt after I had taken down a dragon, a manticore, and every other threat that had come my way without help.

I shook my head, causing my long black mane to nearly smack me in the face. “Never give up,” I murmured in my native abyssal, before putting my dagger in its holster and freeing my hand up.

With more range of motion now opened to me, I bounded through the bush at a breakneck pace. Dodging out of the way of low-hanging branches, poisonous plants, and thorn-filled bushes with ease. A sniff from my powerful nose alerted me to the fact that the unicorns were falling behind, the distinct scent of the white-coated unicorn dulling despite the backwind that carried the scent to me. Thinking quickly, I poured on the speed, though the sound of wing beats could still be heard bearing down hot on my six.

I looked around frantically, hoping against hope that luck would grant me a boon after first getting me into this entire mess. Sure enough, whether it was karma, fate, or my luck coming back around, what I was looking for popped up at the edge of my vision.

Breaking hard, I skidded across the ground, pawed feet tearing through the underbrush and kicking up a furlough of dirt. With carefully honed muscles I lurched to the right, accidentally dodging a bolt that would have found my neck had I not been slightly faster. I made a note to offer another prayer to the deity that apparently heard me earlier, and put everything I had into reaching my target as fast as possible.

The beating of wings resumed at a frantic pace, the pegasi turning in order to catch up with me before I got away. Escape, however, was not my goal and I dashed through the underbrush, pushing hard toward my real objective, and the low-hanging branches that would assist in my designs. Without stopping or slowing one iota I leaped straight up, my impressive vertical giving my already gigantic form more than enough lift to enable me to grab the bottom branch of the tree.

Heaving myself up and onto the branch was a painful process, prompting a fresh gush of blood to course down my arm as I ascended into the treetops. Shouts of alarm and confusion alerted me to the fact that my little feint had worked, and they hadn't noticed my getting into the tree. I could hear whoever the commanding officer was ordering them to pass directly over me, assuming I was hiding behind the tree, rather than in it. With a smirk on my gnarled, nearly non-existent lips, I restrained the urge to laugh and waited patiently for my prey.

As expected, the trio of pegasi came right over me, only noticing my presence when it was too late, and I was already airborne, leaping directly at the pony in charge. Though I was heavy and about as aerodynamic as a brick, I had more than enough raw strength and dexterity to make up for that shortfall. By the time the pony knew what was happening I had already torn the crossbow from his grip and grabbed him by the throat.

Gravity reasserted itself quickly, pulling me out of the way of one of the pony’s subordinates, who loosed a bolt, the shot going wide and flying off into the distance. All the while I fell back to earth, though fell wasn't exactly the right word, as I had calculated my jump well enough that I landed on a branch, and came to a quick stop. Looking down, I noticed that the pony was looking back at me with wide, terrified eyes, a short dagger in its hoof.

For a second we maintained eye contact, neither saying anything until he raised the dagger, and I squeezed, telling him what I would do should he stab me without ever saying a word. I felt the pony gulp and drop the dagger, allowing me to ease my clawed fingers off his neck slightly. A whizz told me that his fellows either didn't know they almost hit their commander or that they didn't care. Either way, I had enemies left in the air, something this little pony was going to help me with.

“Careful you could have hit Captain Steel Sky!” One of the ponies yelled.

“If that thing has him he's as good as dead you idiot!” Growled the second pony. “Now do you have eyes on the target yet or-”

Whatever she was going to say was cut off when their commander was shot put directly in her face. Sending them both crashing through the treetops and leaving only a terrified stallion against me. An enemy that didn't last long, as I leaped back up, surprising him with how high I could jump and enabling me to grab a handful of his face. The stallion screeched and thrashed, and though I winced a little when I felt his blood begin to cascade down my clawed hands I knew it wasn't deep enough to be fatal.

Me and the stallion came back down from the treetops with significantly less grace than the first time. As now I did not have the chance to properly look for a landing spot, leaving me scrambling as I came down hard. Somehow, I managed to angle myself towards a large tree branch, one that came up and hit me directly between the legs. Despite the fact that my enemy had blood trickling down his face from a trio of scratch marks, he still winced at my apparent pain.

“Doesn't that hurt?” He asked, pointing between my legs.

With a sigh, I rolled my eyes and squeezed his head tighter, making him squeal and shut up. “I’m a girl you idiot.” I growled, knowing full well that ponies didn't speak abyssal. “At least sort of,” I added under my breath.

Looking around, I felt my grin vanish, as the clear skies I had expected were not what greeted my gaze. Instead, I could see that over a dozen of the winged ponies being led by a prismatic pegasus were now making their way towards me, guiding the unicorns I had briefly managed to lose, towards me. Cursing under my breath I looked down at the stallion whose eyes peeked out from between my furry fingers.

He grinned weakly and waved, somehow looking absolutely adorable despite the fact that he had just tried to kill me and also had nearly his entire face covered in his own blood. I would have sighed if I could, but I could show no weakness here, not with my enemies so close. So instead grabbed him by the neck and bellowed as loud as I could into his face, raining spittle and blood all over him.

For a second he merely hung there, terrified out of his mind before all of a sudden falling slack as he fainted. I sighed and tucked the stallion under one arm after carefully tossing away his dagger and the extra bolts he had on him. Though I didn't want to have to kill him, a hostage would be useful, as the ponies were a caring, generous folk who were unlikely to potentially harm one of their own just to get to me.

Plus, I was going to need a translator.

Looking down, I swiftly slid down an embankment and leaped to a patch of grass, landing in a roll and hastily springing back up and making my way toward town. Having noticed that they had left their right flank open, clearly not expecting my sudden shift in that direction several minutes ago. I paid the distant sound of crashing hooves no mind as I bolted towards the pony town, putting every ounce of my newfound skill and experience to the task of getting me there before my pursuers caught up.

I knew it wouldn't be long before the pegasi were on me, and the unicorns were close enough to offer a few wild shots of magic before I was able to get back out of range. Something I was immensely thankful for as I heard the distinct crack, boom of a fireball exploding somewhere to my left, sending dirt and scorched wood through the air in all directions.

I growled, wanting to warn the fools I had a hostage but was unable to, due to both the language barrier, and the fact that my translator was still unconscious under my arm. The tree cover was growing denser, however, lending some aid against the pegasi who were now closing in on me and beginning to rain bolts through the leaves. The wild shots were too desperate and haphazard to hit me, though a few landed close enough to tell me that they must have had a bat pony with them, as they were the only race I knew which were capable of flying through the dense tree tops that usually made flight impossible.

Growling to myself, I grabbed the pony and lifted him up, trying to display the fact that I had a hostage without having to speak. The close shots stopped, and I could hear the ponies yell at one another, passing the information around. Though not quick enough as a bolt whizzed through the air, missing me, but not missing my little hostage.

Blood dripped down my fingers and I brought the pony before me and allowing me to see that several feathers had been torn off, and a part of his wing was now severely injured, muscle and sinew flapping in the breeze. Pushing down the hunger that surged at the sight of fresh meat, I sighed, noting that at least he hadn't woken up yet. Meaning I didn't have to deal with a thrashing pony as well as a desperate flight through the forest.

Something that may be ending soon, as the tree cover was clearing once more. By then we were nearing the town, and thus the end of the help I would get from the only home I’ve known for the last year. Fear surged through me, and my instincts all but demanded I turn around and fight, as it was my forest, my home. Growling to myself, I forced one foot in front of the other, resisting the call of my blood and clinging to the hope that I could maneuver my way out of this without either dying or having to take another’s life.

Looking around, I noticed that I was near the one structure that lay near the border of the Everfree itself, and though I didn't like it, I made a beeline for it anyway, knowing that it may very well mean the difference between life and death. Turning slightly to the right, I noted the changes that started within mere seconds of my angling towards the cottage.

The forest began to feel less random, less savage, and altogether tamer, with most bushes having been cut down to more manageable sizes and allowing the trees to grow tall and strong. Each young sapling had guide rods to keep it upright in the worst of the many storms that raged frequently through the Everfree while birds in wooden houses looked down from on high. The animals that usually fled at the first sound of trouble lingered at the edges of my vision, peering at me with a mixture of curiosity and fear.

Even the large brown bear I passed made sure to keep its distance from me, though it kept its teeth bared as it glared at me. Despite my best attempts to keep my instincts in check I couldn't help but growl right back at him, flashing my own large teeth, my mane standing on end and making me appear larger than I was.

The bear’s lips fell into place and it nervously backed up, fear filling its gaze. Though it again, kept its gaze locked on me, wary that I may attack it.

I had neither the time, the energy, or the desire to do such a thing however and I sprinted towards the cottage, noting that although the pegasi were close on my heels, they were keeping a good distance, no doubt scared that I would execute the hostage if I were startled. I laughed my usual barking laugh at that notion, as I knew I didn't have the heart to do such a thing, though they didn't have such knowledge.

Up ahead I noticed that there was a light on in the cottage, something I assumed was impossible as they should have evacuated everyone given the scale of this little operation. Shrugging off the strangeness of it all, I leapt over a small ravine that ran around the cottage and bounded up the slight incline that lead to the small structure.

Normally entering a pony dwelling would be either impossible, or just stupid, as the structures were tiny and the doors smaller still, but this one was different. The door was easily large enough to allow a full-grown brown bear through, and thus a full grown gnoll as well, albeit with slight difficulty. Putting my shoulder down, I plowed straight through the wooden portal, tearing the thing almost entirely from its hinges and sending it slamming into the wall behind it.

Inside were dozens upon dozens of animals, as well as a single butter pegasus who were all looking up at me in abject terror. For a moment nothing happened, only for a bunny to suddenly scream in its tiny bunny voice, as if yelling a battle cry, causing the rest of the creatures to stampede out of the open window, or around me and out the door behind me.

Birds flapped past my head as all manner of rodents and other tiny furry creatures ran around or through my legs. Leaving only a single disappointed-looking bunny and a still terrified pegasus in the room with me. Lifting my dagger I grunted towards the curtains and made a closing motion with my hand, waving my weapon around and causing the already terrified creature to shake harder, eyes watering.

With a resounding sigh, I placed my hand on the creature’s butt and pushed it against the couch it was sitting on, letting the pony know what I wanted in the absence of actually being able to speak her language. Sure enough, the pegasus trembled madly, but remained in place, allowing me to reach towards the curtains and pull them shut. I did the same with the curtains in the kitchen and ended by placing the door back into its spot while nearly banging my head on the ceiling several times in the process.

With the room now more or less secured I flopped down onto the couch and dropped my first hostage in front of my second hostage. Though the pegasus remained terrified for a moment, the second she saw the guard’s injury her eyes went wide and she looked up at me. “Why are you showing me this? Did you do it?” She asked.

I pointed to the injured wing and grunted, making a wrapping motion with my hand, trying to pantomime the act of bandaging the injury. Something that the pegasus didn't seem to understand, as she continued to stare at, her bunny companion standing firmly in front of her, paws raised as if ready to fight me.

Rolling my eyes at the bunny I placed my dagger on an end table nearby and pulled off my necklace before slowly slipping it around the pegasus’ neck. Something that nearly made her pee herself, and for the bunny to actually try and fight me, though when nothing bad happened, that terror and anger seemed to vanish. All while I ignored the punches the bunny was delivering to my outstretched hand.

“He was injured by a stray arrow fired by his allies, do you have medicine or bandages of some kind? Infection is possible, and he has been bleeding heavily,” I exclaimed in abyssal.

The pegasus’ jaw hung open and she said something back to me in that weird horse speech of theirs, making me roll my eyes once more and open my clawed hand. For a second she just looked at me, before realizing I was pointing at the simple silver necklace from which half a jaw bone hung. Realizing my intent she lifted the necklace from her neck and placed it on my hand, allowing me to place it around my own neck.

“I do, would you like me to go get it?” She asked again.

Nodding, I handed the necklace back to her, already knowing just how irritating this was going to get. With the necklace around her neck, I spoke again. “Yes, but remember that we will be remaining here, and waiting eagerly for your return.” I announced patting the head of the bunny and the stallion, ignoring the frustrated animalistic squeeking.

She nodded and handed back the translator. “Are you sure you wouldn't want me to patch your arm up first?” She asked, pointing to the gash in my arm before gasping when she noticed the numerous other cuts, bruises, scars, and other damage that covered nearly every inch of flesh that was not obscured by the patchwork armor I wore.

Trading the translator back I merely smirked. “I’ve got a lot more blood than he does. I’ll be fine,” I announced, making the pegasus screw up her face and frown.

I waved the pegasus away, prompting her to slip off the couch and trot over to the stairs. A second later and the butter mare was gone, leaving me alone with the scowling bunny and the still-unconscious guard pony. Sighing heavily, I relaxed on the couch, trying to ignore the fact that I could hear hooves and wings all around my location. My ears were easily able to pick up the sound of dozens of ponies gathering nearby.

They were obviously establishing a perimeter of some kind while they no doubt waited for whitey to catch back up and take command of the situation. Something I was definitely not looking forward to, as he was both remarkably clever, and surprisingly brutal for a pony. Which probably had to do with his weird shield cutie mark that had a star within it, and three stars above it.

Whatever that nutball’s deal was I had to deal with it, something I put out of my mind the second I heard the sound of hooves returning from upstairs. The shakey, and clearly terrified pegasus I had seen earlier apparently never returned as the mare I now saw was strangely calm, and collected, making a beeline to the guard and opening the box. Looking into it I noticed that it was indeed all medical supplies, allowing me to release the grip I held on my dagger.

“When you wear that you can understand me then I presume?” She asked as she deftly twisted the top off some container and deposited a wad of some greyish goop onto her hoof.

I nodded.

“Strange, I can't understand your language but I can speak with any animal in Equestria.” The mare remarked as she spread the goo all over the guard’s wing, uncaring to the fact that her own limb was now covered in blood.

I growled, eyes narrowing at the pegasus. I may not have chosen to become my dungeons and dragon character, but I was going to be damned before someone thought I was a mere animal.

The mare winced, my growl apparently getting my point across. “S-sorry I s-s-said that wong.” She gulped, wiping her hoof off on a towel before pulling out a bandage. “I mean your barking language, it should be animal-like enough for me to understand at least some of what you're saying. But your words are strange, it makes my skin crawl just to hear it, and no offense but it sounds horrifying.” She winced again, looking up at me fearfully.

Rather than be irritated, I merely sighed and hung my head slightly, knowing full well how unpleasant abyssal sounded to those unused to hearing it. My words sounded like English in my head but came out like a mix of loud barking, and subtle whines mingled with the barely contained violence of a swarm of angry hornets. Though it didn't bother me, I also didn't hear it as abyssal, but rather as proper English.

Looking down, I noticed that the guard’s wing was bandaged and he was beginning to twitch in his slumber, signifying that he was about to wake up. Lifting the necklace I placed it over the pony’s neck again. “Again, please.” I half demanded, half asked, lifting my right arm and indicating the long gash that ran from my shoulder almost all the way to my wrist.

The patchwork hide and leather armor that clad the arm had done much to soften the blow, but could not completely stop the blade itself. An injury that would need to be tended to for weeks before it healed completely, though even then the scar would be as impressive as it was unpleasant to look at. Under my watchful gaze, the pony began to spread more of the grey goop on my cut after gently padding it with the now completely blood-soaked towel. I grimaced as the grey stuff met my flesh, though I made sure to not reveal my teeth or growl, I didn't want to startle the mare while her hoof was against my injury.

Sure enough, the mare applied it quickly and deftly, her hooves shaking only a little bit as she applied it. “I assume this is an anti-infection agent of some kind?” I asked, pointing to the grey goop that now covered my cut.

After passing the necklace back, the mare replied. “Yes, it's also a coagulant so it should help with the bleeding, though you should still use a potion or get someone to heal it with magic, or else it will scar quite badly.”

Switching the necklace back again she deftly slipped it over her neck. “You are Fluttershy correct?” I asked, prompting the mare to raise an eyebrow and look at me curiously. “I know of you through reputation, and an unfortunate near meeting a year ago.” I chuckled darkly at that and was about to take the necklace back as it looked like Fluttershy wanted to speak, only for a voice to suddenly boom from outside.

“Gnoll! You are under arrest for over a dozen counts of assault, fleeing lawful arrest, and over thirty other offenses I don't have the time to list right now.” The distinctly male, distinctly angry voice yelled. “You will release your hostages and lay face down on the ground or face the full might of the royal guard!”

Man, that white dude was pissed, what was his name again? Shining Buttocks, I think? I sighed and looked down at Fluttershy who looked nervous, and was glancing through a crack in the curtains at the large force no doubt arrayed just outside. It took me snapping my fingers in front of her face to bring her attention back to the nearly eight-foot tall gnoll in her living room.

Grabbing the necklace I decided to try something new and simply pressed it against the pegasus’ chest and spoke. “Do you understand me?”

The pegasus looked up at me and nodded, and I continued to hold the necklace against her chest. “Good, I want you to tell them to send in a medic, no offense, but I don't want to trust your nursing abilities and I would be quite sad if he died or got crippled because of my actions.”

Placing the necklace against my own chest was all the prompting Fluttershy needed to begin speaking. “I don't suppose you would mind letting me go?” She asked nervously, gulping and pulling the bunny close to her chest. “My friends are outside and-”

I interrupted her by raising my finger and pressing the necklace against her chest. “Tell him I will trade both of the hostages for someone else after both of our injuries are taken care of.”

That seemed to alleviate some of the worries she felt, and the pegasus looked over to the window, asking me if it would be alright. I nodded, prompting the mare to open the window slightly, only to recoil when over a dozen crossbows all swiveled at her. A second later and they all pointed away, allowing Fluttershy to continue opening the window.

“He is demanding that you send in a medic to care for the wounded, after that he will trade both hostages for a negotiator,” Fluttershy yelled, her voice wavering for a moment. “I think.”

I grumbled silently to myself. “I’m not even male anymore. Stupid gnoll anatomy.”

I could hear a hushed conversation occur just outside the range of my hearing and a second later Shining whatever returned with his bull horn. “A medic is on her way,” he replied, though he sounded distinctly unimpressed with someone.

Shrugging off the strangeness of the statement, I looked down in time to notice the guard wake up, take one look at me, one at his wing, and then immediately pass out again. I sighed, running a clawed hand down my face. “What a wuss,” I muttered.

Fluttershy chuckled at the male and ran a hoof down his cheek. “Someone is a little young to be in the guard,” she whispered.

I groaned, having already deduced that he was too young, or a little small for such a physically demanding job.

The front door to the cottage opened, prompting me to grab my dagger in one hand and the guard in the other as I turned to the entrance, expecting to see a medic and instead seeing Twilight wearing a medic’s outfit. My face betrayed no emotion, but I felt bile and anger welling in my chest, as I had clearly been lied to, the ponies hoping I didn't know any better. The medic outfit hid her wings, but the fact that she was taller than the other ponies and smelled much different gave away her alicorn heritage as easily as the horns and wings combo would have.

She hadn't moved an inch since first stepping inside, merely staring at Fluttershy who stared back. Placing the guard down on the couch, I put my dagger to his throat, and used my free hand to thrust the necklace against Fluttershy’s chest. “Tell her I know she is not a medic, and that she had better not try anything,” I growled before putting the necklace against my own chest.

Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and she quickly spun back to Twilight, who looked at her expectantly, hope evident in her eyes. “He says he knows you’re not a medic, and that you better not try anything,” Fluttershy announced quickly.

Something that made the alicorn stumble a moment, looking up at me with wide eyes. “Can it understand us?” She asked, turning back to Fluttershy.

I shoved the necklace back into Fluttershy’s chest with a little more force than I wanted to. “Tell her that I am not an it, or a he, but am in fact a she.”

Fluttershy recoiled slightly and gulped. “She says she's a girl and not an it.”

Twilight cocked her head slightly. “That's odd because-” My glare harshened, a low growl building in the back of my throat. “Oh right, she can understand us.”

I nodded slowly.

“Well uh, crap.” The alicorn frowned, realizing that her plans had already been thrown out the window. “I don't suppose you wouldn't mind just giving up, huh?”

I growled and was about to speak when I remembered the necklace, and shoved it against Fluttershy’s chest, meaning I missed the weird whinnying noise that Twilight made when I did that. I pulled it back hastily, hoping to catch the tail end of whatever she was saying. “-that out, you're hurting her you, you, ruffian!” Yelled the alicorn.

I winced and looked over to Fluttershy, who was rubbing the spot on her chest I had accidentally punched. Sighing to myself, I gently placed the amulet against her chest. “My apologies, Fluttershy, I’m afraid this is all rather stressful and my nerves are getting the better of me,” I replied in as even a tone as I could manage. “Please forgive me.”

“It's okay, it's just a little bruise is all,” Fluttershy replied when I pulled the necklace back, obviously hiding just how much it actually hurt.

Putting the necklace back against Fluttershy’s chest I spoke once more. “Tell her that I…” I frowned, only now coming to grips with the fact that this likely wasn't going to end well. With an alicorn so close it wasn't likely I was going to escape, and if she knew I wouldn't execute the hostages, she would likely end this fight before it began. “As a sign of good faith, I will allow you to remove the guard, but no magic, understood?”

I put the necklace over my neck and waited patiently as Fluttershy relayed my message.

Once complete, Twilight nodded and I lifted up the guard and gently placed him close to the alicorn, allowing Twilight to grab him by his forelegs and pull him up and over her withers. With the guard secured, she trotted to the door, giving us only a single glance over her shoulder before pulling the door open and disappearing.

With the door closed once more, I placed the necklace over Fluttershy’s heart, being extra careful this time. “I want you to be honest with me, but I know that starts with being honest with you, so to begin, my name is Fareeah and I have no intentions of harming you or anyone else for that matter. This entire thing is a misunderstanding, one that I hope we can work out. If you can help me to leave here with my head still attached to my body, I would agree to leave in Twilight’s custody, but only Twilight’s custody.” I announced before placing the necklace back on my neck.

The pegasus stared at me for several long seconds, her lips pursed as she considered what I had said. Then, she nodded slowly, relaxing somewhat, despite the fact that I still held the knife near her. “You're telling the truth, I think.” She sighed. “I will speak to Twilight for you, provided you put the sword away.”

I looked down in confusion, only to remember just how small ponies were, and that my dagger, was their version of a longsword. “Err right.” I looked down at the dagger and maneuvered it over to the end table before reluctantly dropping it.

Looking up, I noticed that Twilight was back and had ditched the medic outfit. The alicorn, having noticed that my dagger was away, smiled and trotted across from the couch, looking up at me with wide, hopeful eyes. I grunted, and gestured to Fluttershy, prompting her to speak on my behalf.

“She is willing to give up, provided it's into your custody,” Fluttershy announced suddenly.

“I er… really? That makes things both more complicated, and less complicated.” Twilight stuttered, looking from Fluttershy to me and back again. “I’ll have to talk to my brother.”

A low growl held her in place long enough to place the necklace back against Fluttershy’s chest. “I will not agree to enter into his custody, only yours, and you must swear on your life that you will honor this bargain and treat me as you would a pony prisoner,” my grip tightened on the necklace, my eyes flashing dangerously as I peered down into Twilight’s much smaller eyes. “Those are my only demands, and I will not accept any secessions on this.”

Fluttershy gulped, and relayed my words exactly, much to Twilight’s chagrin, who frowned up at me, staring long and hard into my blood-red orbs, surprising me with her bravery. Normally ponies quailed at the sight of me and fainted when they stared into my eyes when I was angry, but it was both intimidating, and nice to know that I wouldn't have to worry about that with Twilight or even more surprisingly, Fluttershy. Though I suppose they had faced down threats far worse than I, but none were quite as capable of slaughter as I.

After a long staring session, she sighed and placed her hoof against her chest. “I swear, that if I am allowed to do such a thing, I will honor your demands to the letter.”

I nodded and gently wrap a hand around Fluttershy’s shoulder, flashing the alicorn my long claws before motioning towards the door. Twilight frowned, but did as she was told, trotting out the door and closing it behind her.

Now alone, I pressed the necklace against Fluttershy’s chest one last time. “I apologize for this Fluttershy. I did not intend for this to happen, nor did I wish harm upon you or whomever that stallion was. I was very much okay with sitting in my forest and protecting my tribe, but alas, it seems as though fate and that cruel brutish stallion have other ideas for us both.”

Placing the necklace on my chest, we sat there in silence, my hand falling from her shoulder, and even allowing her to put some distance between the two of us. Looking back, I tugged the curtain closed completely only to frown and pull the entire couch away from the window, my paranoia getting the better of me.

Now away from the window, Fluttershy laid a hoof on my leg. “I must thank you for your kind words, and though I cannot forgive you right now, I know one day, I will.”

I nod solemnly, having expected as much, though I dared not hope for better.

With the room silent, my ears swiveled on my head, picking up a distant heated conversation through the thin walls and even thinner glass of the windows. Though I could only hear snippets of the back and forth, it was obvious that Twilight and her brother were going at it, and for a moment I feared that I may very well have to make good on my threat. A thought that aroused my instincts and made my mouth salivate, but my logical mind recoiled, wanting nothing to do with the senseless slaughter that would inevitably lead to my unpleasant end.

After several minutes of this back and forth the conversation reluctantly died for a moment before becoming much, much quieter, and far more respectful. My nose twitched, and I leaned closer to the window which was still open a crack, having detected the faint scent of something that smelt close to Twilight yet was not her. I frowned, glancing towards the window, knowing full well that another alicorn had entered the scene.

“Just great, I hope it's not Celestia,” I muttered, drawing a curious gaze from Fluttershy, who had edged even further away from me, something I was fine with.

I sighed, and motioned for the pegasus to move a little further away, knowing that there were two things that might happen. Either they accept, and we leave peacefully, which means it's fine that Fluttershy is further away, or they come in hot, and I wouldn't want to get Fluttershy caught in the crossfire.

Either way, it felt good to know that Fluttershy was safe, as it was clear that although she seemed calm, under the surface she was terrified, my nose only now picking up the heady aroma of fear that clung to her. Though I knew not how she had contained the scent or obvious tells, I put that thought from my mind for now.

A second later, the door opened to reveal a smiling Twilight, whose expression only faltered somewhat when our eyes met. “I have negotiated for your release and am willing to accept you into my custody with the expectation that Luna and I will be allowed to interrogate you with the intention of discovering what happened to the daughters of Eve.”

I sighed, nodding solemnly, having assumed something like this was coming, as it wasn't like they would just believe me if I were to say they were in the heart of the Everfree living peacefully and safely. Standing up, I turn my head so as to not bang it against the roof and raised my hands, expecting cuffs.

Sure enough, the alicorn produced a pair of steel manacles that glittered with numerous enchantments. Though wary of the magic, I keep my arms extended and allow her to secure them around my wrists. Once that happens I felt my senses grow dull, and the bloodlust that burnt eternally at the back of my mind flickered and faded, though it did not disappear entirely. Still, though the event was an unpleasant one, I had assumed far worse would happen, and with a nod, Twilight turned to Fluttershy.

“Proceed outside, she can't hurt you anymore.” Twilight declared, making me grit my teeth in anger.

“Actually she never actually hurt me other than accidentally punching me that one time.” Fluttershy corrected. “Though if you don't mind I think I’ll skip the debriefing and go find Rainbow Dash.”

The alicorn nodded, stepping aside and allowing Fluttershy to scamper out the door, leaving me alone with the clearly irritated mare who looked up at me with a strange expression. “Now then, what in Equestria are we going to do with you?” With one last sigh, she took another step back and motioned towards the door. “After you, would you kindly?”

I felt the compulsion return, and though it irritated me to follow it, I did so regardless, knowing full well that there was little reason in resisting at this point. Cursing in abyssal under my breath, I walked out the door, Twilight close at my heels.

“Well Fareeah, let's see how you make it out of this one,” I muttered, bracing myself for the rows of armed ponies as well as an angry goddess that was no doubt waiting for me just outside, ready to blow my head off if I so much as twitched.

Author's Note

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

Conflicted Conflict

Sure enough, there were a few dozen ponies of various colors, sizes, and tribes lined up outside. Though they were far more preparations made than I anticipated there would be. Trenches had been dug, and minor fortifications erected in the form of short wooden walls and mounds of earthen cover. Two rows of crossbows pointed at me, earth ponies wielding shields interspersed throughout the line while unicorns hung further back with several rows of pegasi ready to take flight. The only movement came from the far end, where Shining whateverhisnamewas was pacing back and forth, flashing me angry glares every once and a while.

At the front stood Luna, unafraid at first glance, until our eyes met and the midnight blue alicorn flinched slightly. I couldn't blame her, but it was still a little disappointing to know that Twilight had more courage than the elder alicorn.

We had only taken a few steps outside the door before I noticed a few of the crossbow ponies get a little too twitchy for my liking and I stopped, gesturing with my nose toward them. Noticing my attention, Twilight stood in front of me, calming the ponies and making them lower their weapons.

The silence that stretched over the area was broken at that moment and Luna trotted up to us, clearly wanting to speak with me, or perhaps simply wanting to begin the interrogation right then and there. Regardless of what her intention was, Shining dude guy hobbled up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulder.

“Hold on a second princess.” Commanded the guard captain, who took a step forward and looked up at me with hate in his eyes, and though I could tell he wanted to say something he turned his attention to Twilight. “Are you sure you want to do this? At least let me send a few guards with you just in case.”

Twilight shook her head. “Luna and I can handle it, and besides, she has already called the night guard to start setting up near the library.”

The guard captain stared into her eyes for several long seconds, and though I was sure Twilight would break down and give in to his demands given the intensity of his stare, she surprised me by not doing that at all.

“Alright.” He admitted before turning back to me. “This is not over yet, gnoll.”

“Aww that's adorable, you're like a tiny angry footstool,” I remarked, making kissy faces at him.

Though I knew he couldn't understand me, he seemed smart enough to catch on to the fact that I was talking down to him and snorted before turning away. “I’ll be in Ponyville for as long as that thing is, don't hesitate to ask for assistance.” He added before disappearing into the ranks of his guards.

“Hey, you should probably apologize to Fluttershy! She put a lot of effort into her landscaping you know!” I yelled after him, making a few of his guards perk up and for Luna to snort in such a way that I couldn't help but think she was holding back a laugh, something that made me raise an eyebrow at.

Filing that bit of information away for now, Twilight took point and guided us through the small gap in their defenses and towards the town and thus the library. All around us guards looked at me, some with barely contained fear, others with anger, and a small few with nothing more than simple curiosity. The fact that there were some who were neither angry nor scared was nice, as it gave me hope that I might be able to get out of this one with my head still resting on my neck, but the fact that their commander was not one of them dashed most of said hope.

Breaking through the back line of guards and entering the outskirts of Ponyville I noticed that there were a small group of ponies waiting for us, two of whom were guards while the rest were not. I instantly recognized the familiar dark grey and purple of the night guards, their bat wings marking them as thestrals. They seemed to look at Luna before passing judgment on me, and noticing that she was relaxed, relaxed as well, easing their hooves away from the scimitars belted at their sides.

The ponies behind them were a different story, and I could tell that the rest of the elements of harmony were arrayed in a loose formation behind the armed and armored ponies. Applejack was at the forefront, her critical gaze lingering over my form as her jaw clenched tight, muscles bulging as if conflict roared in her mind. Rainbow Dash was only slightly behind her, appearing to be the only member of the group whom was actually ready to fight, an urge that diminished only somewhat when she saw the manacles I was bound by.

The fact that she seemed ready to still attack me despite that little fact was rather annoying as I had hoped she would be more honorable than to attack someone in handcuffs, but in the end, I couldn't really blame her. Fluttershy was behind her, and was flanked by Rarity and Pinkie Pie, both of whom seemed more scared than anything, and were putting on a brave faces in order to help out their friend. Though even then Pinkie’s expression wasn't exactly so cut and dry as she looked oddly conflicted when our eyes met.

“Your majesty, the guard is assembling as we speak. We expect the encampment will be fully operational within the hour.” The guard on the left reported, snapping a quick salute that saw his hoof pressed against his chest.

The other guard nodded, the mare gesturing back to town. “The materials have been secured, and commander Night Crawler was hoping to meet with you when you had the time.”

Luna took a step forward, her back straightening as she put on a more regal face for her guards. “Good work you two. Tell Night Crawler I will speak to him before nightfall, but first I need to get some questions answered.”

“And by questions you mean beating the snot out of that overgrown hyena right?” Rainbow Dash asked, taking a step forward and glaring up at me.

“You're like a foot tall? What would you even do? Kick me in the shins?” I asked, looking down at the mare with a wide smirk.

Though she, like most, didn't understand me, she did seem to understand the expression I was making and glared even harder at me.

“Don't look down on me just because your tall, have big teeth, and claws an over five-foot height advantage and-” Rainbow Dash began, only to get shut down by Twilight who sighed and took a step forward, placing a hoof on the mare’s shoulder.

“Would you really want me to beat someone up after they surrendered and are now in manacles?” She deadpanned.

The prismatic pegasus glared for all of two seconds before sighing. “I guess not, but she still deserves some kind of payback for hurting Fluttershy!”

“Though I can appreciate that I certainly inconvenienced her I did not intentionally harm her,” I remarked offhandedly, knowing my words were worthless to them.

“What is wrong with her voice?” Rarity asked, her ears splayed back and a grimace on her face. “Don't tell me she caught something in the Everfree?”

“Well at least someone knows my gender without being told,” I mutter.

“I think that's just the language there Rares.” Applejack remarked, wincing slightly. “Sounds mighty unpleasant I gotta say.”

“And your language sounds like two horses' tongue wrestling over a sugar cube,” I replied with huff.

Luna suddenly placed a hoof over her mouth, holding back a laugh that nearly spilled out through her limb.

“Are you alright princess?” Pinkie Pie asked cautiously, taking a step closer and keeping one eye on me.

“I’m fine.” Luna coughed. “I’m fine, just something stuck in my throat I’m afraid.”

“Oookay,” Pinkie muttered, taking a step back.

“Now as wonderful as it was to see you all here, we must be getting to the library, we have an interrogation to begin, and I think Fluttershy needs to be somewhere a little less… busy,” Twilight replied, nodding to Fluttershy, who breathed a sigh of relief and nodded back.

“Thank you Twilight.” Whispered the quiet mare.

“Good thinkin' Twi, hows about we all go back to the farm and I treat ya to a good home-cooked meal?” Applejack announced.

The rest of the mares all nodded their agreement, though Rainbow Dash lingered a moment in order to flash me another glare and do that I’m watching you thing by pointing at her eyes before pointing at me. Though without any fingers it looked about as awkward as you would think it would look. I did the grownup thing and blew a raspberry at her, which made her stumble a second as if she had expected me to do something far different than that.

I laughed my barking hyena-like laugh as Twilight, Luna, and I continued to walk toward the library, leaving a confused Rainbow Dash in the dust. Once away from the five other mares, I looked around and found that almost everyone was inside, with only a few ponies brave enough to peek outside their windows, and most who did quickly duck back in once my gaze passed over them. Every other street or so I noticed a guard or two lingering on the streets, most pretending to not look at me while a few stared intently.

Noticing a pattern, I put the guards out of my mind and walked a little closer to Luna, making the alicorn’s ear twitch and the mare glance over at me. “You can understand me can't you?” I asked in a low tone, though I knew Twilight could hear my comment as well.

Though her face betrayed no emotion I noticed her heart beat a little faster and her ear twitch in the way a pony’s does when they listen to someone. Still, despite the obvious tells she did not confirm my suspicions outwardly. “You're trying to hide the fact that you can, aren't you?” I pressed.

For a bit, I thought she was going to keep trying to hide it but the second she noticed Twilight look away, she nodded quickly. Knowing that she didn't want to speak of it right now, I decided to leave that thought for the moment, keeping it at the back of my mind until we were alone.

Rounding another bend I noticed that the library was looming ahead of us, a hastily constructed camp surrounding the hollowed-out, yet still-living tree. Guards scurried this way and that, some flew, others walked, some were carrying gear, and others were empty-hooved and in the midst of a patrol. Tents almost completely encircled the structure and I began to wonder if this was a reaction to my little demand or if Luna had always planned to have her guards dig in around Twilight’s little library.

Either way, I noticed that there was even a small perimeter fence that right now was little more than a few scattered posts and what I imagined past as police tape in Equestria stretched between them. Still, it served its purpose by the looks of it as there were no gawkers or anyone that lingered near the edge of the new camp despite the fact that there was a public building at the center of it.

“The basement is being fitted to better contain our prisoner and will be used as an interrogation room for now,” Twilight offered, trotting confidently through the maze of guards and tents.

Luna followed behind her at a more sedate pace, seemingly less at home amongst the lunar guard as she was their solar counterparts. Though she nodded and exchanged brief pleasantries with a few of them, I could tell it was forced, though if it was the alicorn being either unsure of herself or untrusting of her guards I wasn't quite sure. “That will work fine until we come up with a more permanent solution,” Luna replied.

I contained my urge to growl, biting down the unpleasant remark I could feel already coming.

Instead of letting the fact that I might never return to my new home, or see my little tribe again, I decided to distract myself by eying up the lunar guards with the excuse being that I might need to fight them later on. The first thing that was obvious to me was just how better disciplined they were than the solar guards, and idle chatter was more or less non-existent as we trotted through the encampment. Orders were carried out in near silence and only one pony stopped and stared at the three of us as we made our way into the library.

They almost all had scimitars belted to their hips, and I noticed that like most pony-made weaponry was outfitted with an enchantment that would likely keep it in their grip as they swung it. Once more I thanked whatever god or goddess was listening, as I didn't know what I would do if I didn't at least have opposable thumbs, as the rest of my physiological changes, though drastic, weren't quite as bad as not being able to wipe my own ass.

Walking into the library, I found that although the books were still on the walls, it wasn't likely that this space was actually being used as a public library after all. There was no check-in counter, no sign of patrons, or any books lying about, something made all the more glaring when I noticed that some of the guard’s supplies had been tucked inside, including a rack of armor that dominated one corner of the library.

I made a note to tease Twilight on that later and kept searching for something that might aid me if I ever needed to escape while fidgeting with the manacles around my wrists. Though I felt like I could probably best the lock with only a claw, I decided to keep the bindings on, as I didn't want them to know that I could remove said binding at a moment's notice. Thank goodness I took a few levels in rogue. I thought to myself. And that I took the time to figure out how to use my claws as lock picks.

Memories of several long uneventful nights picking away at a lock with nothing but my finger flashed through my mind and I couldn't help but sigh, remembering the easier, and in my opinion, better times. What did the DM say back then? Adventure will find you? I’d say adventure has already found me plenty of times. I smirked as the pair led me to the back of the library, nearly missing the tiny green eyes of a certain dragon peeking out from the second floor of the library.

Something I ignored as I continued to follow the two mares, who were now trotting down the stairs and into Twilight’s basement. Looking down I was able to tell that some minor work had been done on the room, as several enchantments glittered at the edge of my vision while everything that had been in the room had been shoved against the walls in order to make room for a large table. The table itself seemed fairly normal as far as interrogation tables go, though that's not like I had much experience with such a thing outside of movies.

The two ponies sat down on one side of the table before Twilight used her magic to pull a chair out for me across from them. “Please, sit. Would you like some water or something before we begin?” Twilight asked.

I glanced down, only now realizing that they had somehow managed to find a gnoll-sized chair on short notice. I nodded and plunked down in the seat, resting my bound hands on the table. “Water would be lovely, thank you,” I replied.

Twilight turned to Luna and received a nod in return. “Water, thank you,” translated the alicorn.

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” Twilight announced before standing up and breaking wing, heading up to the top of the stairs and closing the heavy door behind her.

“So, are you going to explain to me why you are so scared of ponies knowing you can speak abyssal?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow at the pony.

Luna sighed and ran a hoof through her mane. “I didn't know what the language was until you mentioned it but I remember it from my… past.”

“Ahh, that explains a lot,” I remarked idly.

“What do you mean by that?” Luna inquired, leaning closer.

I shrugged. “It's the language of demons.”

Luna frowned, her shoulders sagging. “I suppose that would explain a lot wouldn't it.”

A few seconds of awkward silence later and Twilight returned with a large pitcher of water and three cups, which she placed just outside of my reach on the right side of the table. Lifting my cuffed hands I shook them in front of the mares. “Would you mind getting me out of these things now? Mind magic is incredibly unpleasant and I don't believe it's entirely ethical to use it on prisoners.”

“Oh, hold on a minute, allow me to cast the translation spell so we can make this a little easier on everyone.” Twilight interrupted, her horn lighting up briefly. “There, you can take off the necklace now.”

“Is it working?” I asked, looking at Twilight.

The mare nodded. “It's not quite perfect, but I can understand you now, which is better than what I could say a minute ago.”

Regretfully, I lifted the necklace from around my neck and placed it on the table. “Be careful with that, it was a gift from a friend.”

“It will remain safe, I can promise you that much,” Luna replied.

Nodding, I turned back to Twilight and cleared my throat. “Now then, are you going to take these things off? Because it seems quite unethical to use mind magic on an already restrained individual.”

“Well actually, gnolls are classified as demons and are thus not granted the status of individuals under the Equestrian charter of rights and freedoms.” Twilight began, only to be cut off by a glare from Luna.

“By the stars Twilight, she's a rational creature capable of complex thought and emotion, have some mercy.” Luna barked, glaring at the mare.

“But Celestia said-”

I snorted irritably, cutting off the alicorn before she could continue. “I don't wish to end up at the mercy of someone under your mentor’s command or who uses her so-called logic. No offence.”

Luna nodded while Twilight merely appeared shocked. “I understand. She does have a certain knack for mind magic that is disconcerting to most decent ponies.”

“Something that should not be used on anyone who is already restrained, wouldn't you agree?” I added, leaning a little closer. “If it would make you feel better I’ll trade these cuffs for a normal pair.”

Twilight shook her head. “That won't be necessary, I’m sure between the two of us we can restrain you should the need arise,” Twilight announced, turning to Luna and looking up at her expectantly.

The darker alicorn nodded confidently. “I have already informed my guard to begin making preparations for a more secure facility to be constructed.”

“Right.” Twilight took a deep breath before leaning in, lighting her horn, and undoing the manacles around my wrists.

Though my skin was tough from a year spent on the edge of civilization, fending for myself, the manacles were a little small and made the entire time I wore them an unpleasant experience, even for me. Rubbing the now raw flesh, I turned and looked down at Luna expectantly. “So, where should I begin?” I asked.

“I admit I have many questions about not only yourself but gnolls in general, as I have no doubt Twilight does as well.” Luna began, nodding to Twilight who despite holding back most of her curiosity with a forced, neutral expression. She still let a little bit of that hidden excitement emerge though and her eyes sparkled as she tried to wait patiently.

“Well I’m afraid to disappoint you, but I’m not originally a gnoll at all, nor am I from your world for that matter,” I announced, to a mixture of disappointment and confusion.

“That is... Unfortunate.” Luna replied, her brow tight as she stared intently into my orange orbs. “I would ask that you elaborate on those two points, if you may, and don't be afraid to ramble, I believe we are both quite interested in whatever you may wish to say.”

“I’m not entirely certain what exactly to say, to be honest,” I admitted. “I am not sure what I was before this, but I was… something less hairy and shorter I believe, like a hairless ape of some kind.”

“Are you saying you don't know what exactly your original species was?” Twilight asked, leaning closer and scratching down some notes on a paper she got from… somewhere.

“My working theory is that my old brain and my new one weren't equal in depth, size, or perhaps complexity and some memories didn't translate over, while others did.” I lifted my hand. “Like, for example, I knew this was a hand, these are claws and that dirt didn't taste good but I didn't know what my old name was, what I was, or where I was from for that matter.”

“Strange,” Twilight murmured.

“Indeed. I have to say your story is rather far-fetched, you must admit that much.” Luna offered.

I nodded. “I have no reason to lie, as it's not like it would help my case in the slightest but if it makes you feel any better I wouldn't mind submitting to whatever form of lie detection you ponies have. Back home we used a complicated series of electrical signals to detect if someone was lying but I’m pretty sure that wasn't even allowed as evidence in court now that I think about it. It's a bit of a grey spot in my memory,” I shrugged and looked over to the two alicorns who both seemed off in their own little world, their minds a million miles away.

“If you consent to it, we could place a truth circle on the room, but if we do that I’d like to start using the recording crystal earlier than expected, so as to have a record of both your consent and whatever you have to say after that,” Twilight exclaimed before turning to Luna. “What do you think?”

“I think that is a great idea, provided the prisoner is informed of what exactly a truth circle does, as I don't think she knows,” Luna replied, gesturing to me.

I raised an eyebrow. “It doesn't have a chance of turning me into a toad or something, does it? Because getting transformed once was quite enough for me, thank you very much.”

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “No, nothing so grandiose, it just makes lying impossible, and sometimes gives both light headaches and in rare cases, uncontrollable flatulence.”

“Oh that's rich, and here we are locked in a basement together,” I pointed out.

“Yes, well, that is quite rare, and it is more likely that you will just get a migraine after a while.” Twilight explained, the blush slowly bleeding from her face. “To that end, we will only use it for one hour before having a short cooldown period.”

“Good thinking,” Luna remarked her horn lighting and bringing over a small wooden box from one of the other piles of boxes that lined the walls. From it, she produced a small pink crystal roughly six inches long and shaped like a prism. “I will leave the casting to you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight nodded, took the crystal, and placed it in the center of the table before lighting her horn and activating it, after which she enacted another, secondary spell that took far longer to cast. When complete, I felt a wave of what I could only describe as unpleasantness wash over me originating from Twilight. It wasn't like pins and needles, nor a pressure, but some mix of both, and yet somehow worse and different at the same time.

Thankfully it passed quickly and judging from the expressions of my interrogators, they had felt it as well. “The sky is gre-blue,” I said, a wide smirk crossing my face. “The meaning of life is chocolate.” I cursed under my breath. “Damn, I was hoping it would work on universal imperatives.”

Twilight giggled. “I did the same thing when I learned the spell, and unfortunately found out that I could not simply figure out the winning lottery numbers in such a manner.”

Luna rolled her eyes and huffed silently to herself. “Children.”

I leaned a little closer to the alicorn and smirked playfully at her. “Don't tell me you never did anything like that when you were younger.”

“I… may have,” Luna muttered, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. “But that was long ago.”

Twilight coughed into a hoof and gestured to the now floating pink crystal that levitated a foot off the table. “If you wouldn't mind stating your name, as well as the fact that you consent to the interview and the truth spell, I would appreciate it.”

I sat back in my chair and cleared my throat. “My name is Fareeah and I consented to both the interview and the casting of the truth spell,” I turned to the alicorns. “Like that?”

Luna nodded. “That should be good enough.”

“Now then, if you wouldn't mind picking up as far back as you can remember and going from there, that would be wonderful.” Twilight explained. “Luna and I have all the time in the world.”

“And me? I don't think I have all the time in the world,” I frowned and tapped my chin. “I don't even know how long gnolls live for that matter.”

“Neither do we, I'm afraid. Gnolls supposedly died out millennia ago, either that or fled to the far corners of the earth.” Twilight replied.

“Regardless, you have the prospect of serving life in prison, so I’d say you have the luxury of time as well,” Luna replied with a small smirk of her own.

“Well, then where to begin?” I drummed my clawed fingers on the table idly. “Oh I used to be male, so I got to find out just how awful this whole period thing sucks. Though gnolls seem to only have one every three months, so that's nice.”

Luna seemed nonplussed by my statement, though Twilight seemed a little sympathetic. “That's one thing I do not miss.” She exclaimed.

“No way, alicorns don't get…” My jaw hung open and I shook my head. “I am so envious.”

The elder alicorn rolled her eyes. “Yes well, back to the topic at hoof. How far back can you remember then and would you mind starting your story from there?”

“That sounds like as good an idea as any I suppose.” I leaned forward. “So, to start, I came from a planet called…” I opened my mouth to speak, only to find that no words came out. “Huh, I could have sworn I remembered that one, but now that I think about it, I can't seem to remember the name. Terra? That sounds right, but not… really.”

“Interesting,” Twilight remarked.

Luna seemed far less amused with my bout of amnesia and tapped the table, bringing my attention back down to earth. “Regardless, perhaps we should go straight to your arrival here on Equestria then, rather than waste time with things you may or may not remember.”

I nodded and poured myself a cup of water. “Well, it's your lucky day then, as it seems as though I gained an eidetic memory after having come here.”

“An eye what?” Luna muttered, turning to Twilight.

“A photographic, or near-perfect memory, they would have simply called it a perfect memory back in ancient Equestria,” Twilight explained.

“Huh,” Luna frowned. “Continue.”

“Anyway. It all began in the Everfree forest a year ago, a year and a day to be exact now that I think about it,” I began, pretending not to notice the quick, nervous look the alicorns gave one another.

I smiled faintly, my mind going back to that day and conjuring an image of the night sky. “It was a nice night, the moon was full, the sky was clear, and-”

Author's Note

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

An Unfamiliar Form

The first thing I remembered upon getting here was just how beautiful everything was. It was serene, to the point that I couldn't help but wonder if I had stepped into a painting of some kind. The moon filled the sky above me, bathing the world in its deep, ethereal glow, a glow that seemed to eclipse even the sun’s ability to warm me. The next thing I realized was that despite this appearing as a scene out of some sort of piece of art, it was also slightly unreal. For some reason, I could feel my skin crawling at the sight of this place and I forced myself to look away from the moon and the forest that surrounded me, and down to the ground beneath my feet.

Only then did I realize I was no longer what I was supposed to be.

Though I wore a simple tunic and pants, complete with a backpack and shoes, all of which seemed normal enough, everything felt off. The clothing wasn't tight and seemed tailored to me, yet it also felt much like a new shirt did, one that you bought at a big box store and had not quite broken in yet and felt a little off despite the fact it fit as it should. It suddenly struck me that my cloth shirt wasn't as simple as I thought it was, but was instead some kind of armor, albeit a weak variety, one that I instantly knew was supposed to be placed beneath a layer of plate or chain mail.

Looking down at my pants I noticed that they were far more durable than my usual style, and were some sort of leather that I couldn't quite identify. Though odd, it wasn't unnerving, not like my feet which were far different from what I was used to. Even a glance told me there was something wrong with them, as well as my lower legs, as I was supposed to stand straight, but instead, the part below my knee bent back slightly. Lifting my legs told me that they weren't injured in any way, as I felt no pain or discomfort, so I turned my attention to the backpack I had noticed earlier.

Grabbing one of the straps, I was about to take the thing off, only to notice that I was wearing heavy leather gloves that came up to my knuckles, revealing claws I knew I didn't have before. As the mystery deepened, and panic began to surge in my breast, I realized that the rest of my anatomy was different as well. Only to feel that sudden surge of panic get shunted to the back of my mind all of a sudden.

A flash of memory reminded me that I had not been in this forest a minute ago, and was instead at a table with my friends, playing dungeons and dragons. We had begun a campaign my buddy created titled ‘The Slaughter That Came To Esteria’, a game about facing off against the god of the gnolls, Yeenoghu. Having introduced our characters and revealed that I had chosen to make things interesting and picked a gnoll that was not a follower of the god of slaughter but rather love, we had begun to settle in and listen to the opening monologue delivered by the dungeon master, whose name I can no longer recall.

He said, and I quote.

“If you do not answer the call to adventure and chose to forgo helping in the defense of Esteria, do not be startled if you find yourself thrust into the middle of said defense despite your best efforts. If you do not heed the call to adventure, the adventure will find you, as there is no escaping the god of destruction. For you see, he comes for us all, in the end.”

It wasn't a bad introduction and the menacing voice he did was surprisingly intimidating but I could already feel my mind churning as I came up with better ways to say what he just had. Pushing that thought aside I focused on my new anatomy, vaguely aware that it looked familiar.

“Duh, I’m Fareeah,” I muttered, smacking a pawed hand against my face and finding that I did indeed no longer have features that I would consider normal by any stretch of the imagination.

I had more teeth in my mouth, a longer jaw, and a pronounced muzzle that I knew I didn't have a minute ago. My clawed hands roamed across my face and head, searching out any other changes that may have occurred that I didn't notice at first. Sure enough, I had the same floppy gnoll ears that I had seen in the monster manual as well as a long black mane that fell down my back and thankfully stayed out of my face.

My spotted fur was a mixture of grey with black spots, and a passing glance into a pool of rainwater told me that my eyes were the same orange that I had written in my character’s description. “Huh, neat.” I muttered to myself, only to realize that I had also written something else in that description section.

Pulling open my top revealed that was indeed true and I was now no longer male, though thankfully I wasn't quite as endowed as I had first feared, though neither was I flat, unfortunately. “Well, that's going to take some getting used to,” I muttered to myself, only to take a step and realize something felt familiar between my legs.

Opening my pants revealed that I wasn't quite as female as I thought, and I swiftly let my pants snap back into place. I mean it kind of made sense as in my friend’s setting gnolls were hyenas given sentience through the consumption of intelligent creatures and female hyenas had what could only be described as a rather strange set of sexual organs. I chose not to think about that for now, putting all such thoughts of my new gender and the complications therein out of my mind, for now at least.

“Think Fareeah, how did… Oh hey, I’m referring to myself as my character’s name,” I paused, tapping my chin as I thought about it. “Strange.”

I shook my head and forced that thought away, not wanting to consider the possibility that my real name had been lost entirely. “What were my stats again?” I muttered, trying to think back to my character sheet.

I knew I had rolled well and had min-maxed a little when it came to my scores, trading away my ability to speak anything but abyssal for another plus two in strength. I also chose to put my first level into rogue despite the fact that I had made my character nearly eight feet tall. This was partially compensated for by the fact that I had fairly high dexterity as well as a decent hide skill, though I didn't know if any such stats had carried over to this world.

“If I remember correctly I had an eighteen in strength…” I glanced over to a large rock that was about as big as a basketball and reached down, easily managing to pick it up. “Whoa.”

I tossed the rock from one hand to another, feeling my muscles ripple just beneath the fabric of my shirt. “This is crazy,” I remarked before holding the rock like a shot put and launching it at a tree several feet away.

The rock bounced off the tree trunk and skidded away, leaving behind a chunk of missing bark, something I kinda felt bad about. “Note to self, make sure I don't hug someone too hard.”

My dexterity was also fairly high, though not quite as high as my strength, the stat only coming to a sixteen if I remembered correctly. “Which means I should be very light on my feet and able to hit even small moving targets.”

I grabbed another rock, this one much smaller than the first, and took aim at a leaf fairly high up in a tree. Though it took only a second to lock onto the target I was unsure if I could actually hit it, something my instincts told me was quite possible. Choosing to trust that gut feeling I had, I whipped the stone at the leaf and was amazed to see that not only had I hit it but I had thrown the rock with such force that it had gone straight through it.

“Huh,” I muttered, looking down at my hands in wonder. “What else can I do?”

My constitution was also quite high, but that was only due to the fact that gnolls naturally had high constitution considering their diet of rotting flesh and near-constant warfare. A sixteen meant I would be able to stay awake for days on end, was difficult to knock out, and not easily affected by most illnesses. Looking around I wasn't quite sure how to test that without the benefit of time or bashing my head against a rock, something I instantly ruled out for obvious reasons.

Intelligence was my second lowest score at only fourteen, though it was originally much higher but gnolls took a penalty to that stat. Still, it was still above average and meant that I was fairly intelligent, was able to understand new tasks quickly as well as complete logic puzzles, and do complicated mental math. Though int wasn't going to be a stat I used very much I also hated playing dumb characters, so that option had been thrown out early on.

Wisdom was acceptable as well, coming to a fifteen, meaning I was a decent read of people and situations as well as having a strong hunch every now and then. Which was good, as I had been considering doing something dumb like multiclassing into a druid later on. Still, it wasn't entirely useful yet, but again I wasn't about to play a low wis character either, as for one, I could never remember the difference between low int and low wis and that just sounded like an unpleasant experience in general.

Lastly was my charisma score which was my worst roll, one made worse by the gnoll race’s limitations and trading away what little points I had and moving them to other stats. This was perhaps the stat I was most worried about, as it was a whopping three, but I was also a great roleplayer, and talker in real life so the dungeons master ended up allowing me to interpret my low charisma in a different way than most.

Which meant I was ugly. My teeth were yellowed, my eyes a disturbing color of orange that seemed as unnatural as they were unpleasant to look at. That and my entire form was gangly, covered with scars, and though not smelly, had a distinct odor all its own. That wasn't enough to satisfy my friend though and I had to come up with another way to further display just how low my charisma score was.

“Hello, hello, hello,” I spoke clearly and plainly, trying to hear what my voice sounded like.

Despite my attempts, everything sounded like English to me, clear and plain English, though even then I could tell something was slightly off. I remembered that I had gone on to explain my low charisma by my voice being just plain unpleasant to listen to, over a decade of speaking nothing but abyssal having warped my vocal cords. This fit flavor-wise with my character and the world but now I wasn't entirely sure I was even in that world as my friend’s setting had two moons and above me, yet here there was only one.

This meant I might not even speak any language that the locals did and I might never be able to understand them, given my restrictions. I wondered if sign language counted as a language, as it might be the only way I could communicate with others, a thought I shrugged off for now.

Remembering the bag I had been about to check out I unslung it from my shoulder and flipped open the top. Within were all the usual level one items I would come to expect, including a bed roll, some minor healing items like bandages and whatnot as well as rations, a waterskin, a single health potion and lastly a dagger. Remembering that I had a sheathe for said dagger already on my hip, I put the weapon away before counting out my rations.

“Only a week’s worth,” I remarked before throwing that bag back over my shoulders. “Oh well, I should be able to make it last before I find a town of some kind.”

Looking around, I began to notice that I had absolutely no clue where I was.

I was in the middle of a clearing of some kind, the ground being too stony to allow anything more than scrub grass to grow there. With no direction in mind, I closed my eyes and spun around until I stopped, facing north. I then considered it for a moment before shrugging and walking that way. Or at least I thought it was north, as that was the side of the tree that had the most moss on it, though I didn't actually know if that old adage was true for this world as well, or even what hemisphere I was on now that I thought about it.

With little else to do, I focused my senses outwards, trying to figure out how good they were.

My eyes could see perfectly fine in the low light of the full moon, and I got a distinct feeling that even if the moon was not full I would be able to see relatively fine. Something that made sense as gnolls had limited dark vision and great low-light vision.

The next thing I tested was my ears and I slowed down in order to listen closer to my surroundings. Sure enough, I could hear far better than I used to and I could pick out just about everything that moved around me. From the trees that swayed in the breeze, to the crickets singing their annoying song, it was all as clear as day. I could even hear the smaller, less noticeable sounds like birds in their nests and snakes weaving through the undergrowth.

“Perhaps this world isn't quite so different after all.” I whispered as I glanced up to a tree where a pair of slumbering robbins leaned against one another.

Not wanting to wake them up, I slunk quietly through the underbrush, testing to see how good my new nose was. Sure enough, like the rest of my senses, this one was also enhanced, allowing me to smell even further than I could hear. Small aromas I knew I couldn't smell before were now easily detected and I could sense not only the distinct scent that came after a recent rain but also the individual trees. Somehow my nose was able to tell the different species apart by the smell alone.

Putting that thought out of my mind for now I focused on the last thing I had yet to give attention to, my skills. Though the actual numbers were lost to me I knew my athletics was great, while my acrobatics was just decent. Sleight of hand was mediocre but better than average, given my rogue level, but my stealth was one of my core skills and I knew it at least, was relatively high.

Arcana, history, and religion were all garbage as I hadn't bothered to put a single point in any of them. Investigation was good while nature was decent, seeing as I wanted to eventually take a druid level or two, but that had occupied most of my skill points.

Which meant that medicine, deception, performance, persuasion and animal handling were all abysmal. Insight and perception werent bad, while survival was my last decent skill out of the lot of them.

I made a note of trying to raise them somehow, hoping that this world would allow me to get better at them through practice rather than like in dungeons and dragons where only levels could help in that regard.

My thoughts were interrupted by a strange new scent, one that pierced through the rest like a hot knife through butter, and drew me off the straight line I had been walking in until now. It smelled metallic, and reminded me of something, but what exactly that something was lost to me. With a strange hunger slowly building in my chest, I followed the scent through the trees and toward its origin.

The smell brought me next to a small ravine where a four-legged shape lay gasping on the water’s edge. It looked a lot like a deer, though much smaller than any I had ever seen before, coming up to maybe only my crotch including its antlers.

Unsure if the creature was sentient I slowly crept forward, noticing that it was bleeding heavily from a stomach wound that didn't appear to be terribly deep, but which was also turning green and purple. Whatever had hit it had inflicted some manner of poison, and the poor creature had sought out the water in an attempt to cleanse itself, or at least I assumed as much, as the creature hadn't said anything.

Creeping closer I put one hand on my dagger as I closed the distance. “Hello? Do you need help?” I asked.

Though the deer turned to me, and its eyes went wide I didn't see the spark of sentience that I had expected to see in its gaze. They were the same black and brown orbs I remembered from my time as not a gnoll and when it spoke I knew then and there that it was not intelligent as they let loose a whining cry that I instantly recognized from my former life.

Frowning, I stood over the creature, wondering what I should do with it, as I knew the poison pulsing through its body was likely going to kill it. I considered helping it, but with little to no animal handling or medicine, I felt like my abilities would ultimately be unhelpful in this situation. Instead, I ended up taking my hand from the hilt of my dagger and gripping its head in my hands.

It resisted at first, trying to shake off my grip but its movements were so weak that it could do little to actually accomplish such a task.

“Shhh, be still now, it's time to rest,” I whispered.

A quick jerk and the creature’s neck snapped, its body falling limp.

I stood slowly and frowned at its now lifeless form, silently wondering what had delivered such a powerful poison. As I looked down at it I felt my stomach rumble and my mouth begin to salivate, the hunger I had first noticed when I began to follow the scent’s trail suddenly returning with a vengeance and urging me to consume the creature, bones and all.

Though tempted, I wasn't quite ready to test my constitution quite yet, and eating raw meat wasn't exactly an idea I relished.

Turning away, I purposefully began to walk upwind of the dead deer, hoping to put the smell, and thus hunger, from my mind.

This odd hunger was unpleasant, as I could already tell that my stomach was relatively full, and I didn't need to eat. As I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that it was likely a leftover of this body’s more primal instincts to not let a meal go to waste rather than it being actual hunger. Something that made sense as I read that hyenas could eat everything from bones to the very waste of other animals, as their digestive system was that good. I prayed that I never got to the point where I had to test such a theory, as I could tell that my sense of taste remained unaltered.

Putting that from my mind, I continued to walk north after finding another tree and locating which side had more moss on it. With north now in front of me, I strode confidently deeper into the forest, hoping to eventually find some civilization as I did not want to spend my days without a flushing toilet.

My walk took over an hour or two, during which time the moon remained completely dead center in the middle of the sky, tickling a memory I couldn't quite place. As I thought about it, I continued to put one foot in front of the other, at about which point I realized that despite the rough, uneven terrain and how long I was walking, I had not even begun to get tired, which was nice to know.

It took a while but I eventually found a landmark that rose out of the distance, namely a stone tower that pierced the treetops. With some form of civilization in sight, I began to make my way over to it only for something to make me stop suddenly and look down, where a gorge suddenly opened up. Breathing a sigh of relief I made a note of keeping my eye on what was in front of me this time, lest I find out just how many hit points I had.

Glancing to my left and right I noticed that there was a rope bridge far to my left, one that lead to a path that wound its way to the entrance of the dilapidated stone structure before me. There was little cover there however and I turned to the right to find that there was a more overgrown stone bridge hidden past a large bush. Making my way in that direction I contemplated the strange itching sensation at the back of my mind, a small voice telling me that I recognized this place, though I’d never actually been there before.

Shrugging off the weirdness of the situation, I made my way over to the bridge and was about to cross when I noticed that it wasn't very wide, and the rails on either side weren't very high. They barely even came past my knees and I had just barely enough room to cross with ease, two things that made me think that perhaps the people that had made it had been much shorter than I.

Though I was tempted to think of dwarves or gnomes, which were fantasy races, something about the stonework told me that wasn't true.

Putting that out of my mind I looked around, searching for a side entrance of some kind only to be stopped by some maniacal laughter followed by the boom of thunder. I nearly jumped out of my new boots as lightning flashed in the distance despite there being absolutely no clouds in the sky.

Shrugging off that particular bit of strangeness, I looked up to the tower where I had heard the laughter only for that tiny voice to return with a vengeance.

As I looked up through the window I caught a glimpse of something not unlike a horse yet completely different from the horses I knew. In that instance, I felt a flood of recollection as I suddenly remembered that you creatures were called ponies and that the fight I was privy to was from a television show. As I watched you two exchange cliche dialogue, I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation, as this entire circumstance I found myself in seemed a lot like the beginnings of a terrible fanfiction.

“I guess I’m not in the dungeons and dragons game after all, but rather something even nerdier,” I remarked, leaning on a nearby tree as I watched you two go back and forth.

This continued for longer than I remembered, and I took that time to climb a tree in order to get a better look, something that was incredibly easy with my longer arms and more powerful muscles. Once in my new perch, I continued to watch you girls fight, imagining that by not helping I was preserving the normal sequence of events that I recognized from my world.

A notion that was quickly dashed when I noticed that you seemed intent on killing one another. Blasts of magic blew apart columns, dust erupting through windows, and I watched more than one of you nearly get your head blown off by Nightmare Moon. This brutal knock down drag out fight was so unlike what I was expecting that I could do little but watch in confusion as you continued to slug it out.

Somewhere in the middle of things, you girls discovered the true nature of the elements only for the fight merely to continue with a more level playing field.

The alicorn advantage seemed to be neutralized by the element’s magical effects but they by no means granted instant victory as I remembered. Sure they seemed capable of naturally amping up whatever ability you all innately had but even a power boost didn't allow you to surpass Nightmare Moon.

Even more disturbing were the insults that were thrown back and forth, with Nightmare promising not only to torture you girls but promised dismemberment and the slaughter of friends and family. The blood I saw dripping down Twilight’s and the Nightmare’s coats from various near misses drove home the fact that something was off.

It was then that I realized that I wasn't in the world that I had seen in fiction, and wherever I was it was far darker than the world I knew. I was in the midst of scrambling out of the tree in order to try and help when I noticed movement nearby, drawing my attention to a royal guard I noticed standing and peering into the tower from below. Though short he was standing as tall as possible and biting his lip, his attention fixated on the tower I had been looking at a moment earlier.

“Come on Twilight, you can do it,” he muttered to himself.

If he was standing there it probably meant there were more nearby, and if they were nearby but not inside it likely meant that this was part of whatever Celestia’s plan was. Which also meant I shouldn't interfere with what she had going on and I scrambled back into my tree, this time as quietly as possible.

With little else to do, I continued to watch, drawn in by the brutal fight going on only a few dozen meters away. Over time I noticed that the elements seemed to slowly heal your wounds, and allow you to keep fighting while Nightmare Moon began to tire. Her feats of magic became less grandiose and her attacks more careful, more precise as she seemed to understand that she wasn't going to just stomp the six of you.

That didn't help her though, as you girls continued to learn her strengths and weaknesses and react accordingly. Rarity’s shields grew stronger, Pinkie’s kicks more precise, bypassing the Nightmare’s armor, while Rainbow Dash became faster, and Applejack hit harder. All the while you got better and better at coordinating your friends, attacking and covering one another’s flanks with all the speed and precision of a natural leader.

There came a point when the Nightmare seemed to realize that she wasn't going to win unless she did something drastic, at which point she charged you, Twilight. I obviously don't need to tell you what happened next as you managed to meet her head-on, magic for magic, fueled by your newfound friendship. In the end, the Nightmare was defeated and lay on the ground smoking, her coat singed and her helmet lost somewhere in the ensuing blast.

Yet rather than spout the usual villain nonsense she merely laughed, stopping midway through in order to cough up a wad of blood which she spat at you.

At that point, you walked up and declared it was over and that she should surrender, but the nightmare wasn't having any of that and interrupted your cliche good guy statement.

“Fools! It matters not if I am defeated, for there is no escaping the god of destruction. I had hoped to toughen this world up for his arrival, but it seems like you all shall be lambs to the slaughter!” Then she laughed as you blasted her one last time with the elements.

Initially, I thought you were going to kill her but it seemed like you had figured out that they could do more than just shoot people with magic, and power you up. With the purifying process complete I watched you all step back in shock as princess Luna opened her eyes.

“What's going on? Where am I? Where is my sister?” Luna asked hesitantly, looking around in confusion. “I was just exploring the Canterlot caves with Tia when- why is my coat burnt?”

She gasped and looked up to find Celestia descending from the hole in the ceiling. “Oh Lulu, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.”

“Sister, why are you so tall-oof.” Luna muttered before getting crushed in a hug.

I don't have to tell you what happened next, but for the sake of the recording I’m going to go ahead and say what happened, and if you don't like it, sue me. I’m a completionist. What can I say?

While the alicorns hugged I noticed that despite the elements having powered down and their job being done, Twilight was still glowing. Something that Celestia noticed shortly thereafter, prompting her to break her hug. “What is this?” She muttered.

“Woah your all glowy and stuff!” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Neato, you’re like your very own nightlight!” Pinkie Pie added, poking your side only to spasm as if she had been electrocuted. “Wowee, I think I can taste colors now.”

She then passed out and was quickly tended to while you had what I could only describe as a very polite freakout. A freakout that Celestia joined as well, as she frowned and lit her horn, muttering. “No, it's too soon, the stars said...” Before shutting up when she realized you were growing brighter by the second.

I couldn't exactly tell what was going on at first but judging from Celestia’s reaction she was grooming you to become an alicorn at a later date, like from the fiction I knew but this plan was thrown out as Nightmare Moon’s excess magic sought out a new home. Now, this is just my working theory but I’m pretty sure that since you were a proto-alicorn, Nightmare Moon’s magic latched onto you in order to complete that transformation.

Sure enough, you disappeared in a flash of light, followed by Celestia, leaving me confused as to what to do. On the one hand, I felt like greeting the guard might be the best idea, but I also felt like I had the best chance of being understood by Fluttershy or one of the alicorns but with Luna exhausted and the other two gone I merely sat there.

Until I noticed Fluttershy taking a breather near the window, the pegasus’ body dripping with sweat as she breathed heavily, sucking back fresh night air by the mouthful. With an opening presenting itself I began to wave, knowing already that abyssal would probably sound unpleasant to any who heard it.

This also made the most sense in my mind as it followed the logical plot development that had happened so far. Expecting a quick resolution and perhaps a short but not fatal misunderstanding I was completely blindsided when I heard someone shouting something at me from my right.

“It's a servant of slaughter. On me, mares and stallions!” He yelled before the rest of his words turned into the normal horse drivel you all spout whenever you speak to one another.

I never did figure out why I could understand you until that point, however, but my guess was that whatever magic that had brought me here had lingered for a while, translating your words before dissipating completely. Something that was unfortunate as I would have really liked to know what in the hell Shining whatever had yelled at me.

Which was somepony that I didn't think I’d see for a while yet here he was charging at me while shooting magic at my face. Lucky for me he missed, blowing apart the branch I had been standing on. Using my newfound grace I landed in a crouch, rolling to a stop a few feet away. Shining Bottom was as startled as I was by the surprisingly dexterous move I had just pulled off, gaping at me from about thirty feet away.

Instantly I raised my hands in an attempt to ward off continued aggression but that asshole was uninterested in my surrender and judging from the increased pace of his words my attempts at calming him did the opposite. While I continued to try and find some common ground I began to notice that more guards were coming out of the woodwork, and I knew my dodging abilities, though good, weren't good enough to hold up against a whole host of unicorns all trying to blast my ass at once.

Giving up on the diplomatic approach, for now, I turned and ran, making a break for the ravine and crossing the overgrown bridge in two enormous steps.

The pounding of hooves that had been right behind me lost ground in mere seconds, though that didn't stop them from firing bolts of lightning or simple force at me. This made me stop and dodge occasionally, my instincts telling me which way to leap and how to stay out of the way of the bolts that would have killed or seriously injured me.

This slowed my run significantly, something made worse by the fact that the forest was also far denser than I had first anticipated, meaning I frequently tripped, nearly ran into a tree, or otherwise stumbled randomly through the dense foliage. Thankfully this seemed to slow down my pursuers as well, as they didn't have the night vision I had.

It was also at this moment that I realized that the ponies following me were likely made up entirely of unicorns, as I didn't hear the beat of wings or the twang of crossbows yet. With the knowledge that I could in fact outrun them I put all my energy into merely putting as much ground between me and my attackers as possible.

This wasn't difficult, and though I nearly ended up getting my legs blown off by a stray lightning bolt, I managed to slip away. Now with more than enough tree cover between me and the guards, I slowed down and paid more attention to my footing, ensuring I didn't trip and wind up getting caught because I didn't look where I was going.

This continued for several minutes, and though there was still some yelling in the distance, the random spurts of magic seemed to have petered out. That was until that shining asshole appeared before me in a flash of magic that nearly blinded me.

His face was flush, and the moment he landed he tossed aside a crystal of some kind as he continued to shout horse words at me. Confused, but thankful that he was no longer shooting at me, I gulped and slowly raised my arms above my head while keeping my feet firmly rooted to the ground. This seemed to ease some of his worries as he shouted slightly less, but he also didn't let go of the glow that surrounded his horn.

Unable to tell what he was saying, and with the captain not even trying to mime any actions or make any attempt at communication, his words began to grow louder and the glow of his horn continued to grow brighter. Seeing the clear signs of escalation playing out before me, I shrugged and made the most comically confused face I could imagine, hoping he would get the picture that I could not understand him. This was apparently the wrong answer though and his horn flashed, the magic morphing into a bolt of lightning that flew at my head.

Thankfully my instincts had remained sharp throughout our interaction and I ducked out of the way at the last possible second, before rolling forward. Unable to stop my momentum I decided to try and end this fight as quickly as possible and after I completed the roll I clocked the guard right in the face. Your brother didn't even know what hit him before I punched him right in his hate-filled little face, sending the tiny unicorn flying into a nearby bush.

Shocked by my newfound strength, I considered going over and seeing if he was okay but by then the thunder of hooves had begun to catch up and I trusted his health to his fellows and ran. My long, loping gait meant that in seconds I was out of the immediate area, and had put a decent amount of distance between us. As I ran, I saw that there was a ravine coming up in the distance.

Or at least that's what I had assumed, as unbeknownst to me, Shining homicide had indeed managed to get back up and had loosed a massive fireball at my retreating form.

Not hearing it coming, I continued to sprint towards the ravine, intent on using the slightly more even ground found around the body of water in order to make a quicker getaway. Until something exploded behind me and bathed me in fire, incinerating a lot of my fur, scorching my back, and destroying my pack, shirt, and a majority of my pants, leaving me with only the front half of my clothes, my boots, gloves and my dagger which somehow managed to stay attached to what was left of my pants.

I remember feeling pain the likes of which I had never experienced before and I was thrown forward, my hand instinctively going to my dagger and keeping it safe while I sailed through the air. My trip into the sky didn't last long as I landed in the creek, my entire body disappearing beneath the surprisingly deep and fast-running water.

Confused and in extreme pain, I was surprised to notice that I had instinctively taken a breath before I hit the water, meaning I had plenty of oxygen while I swam further downstream. I silently thanked my constitution, and gnoll heritage as I was easily able to hold my breath while I navigated the murky depths of the ravine.

This continued for several minutes before my lungs began to burn and I was forced to emerge from the water, my head instantly turning around and trying to catch a glimpse of my pursuers. To my surprise, I had put far more ground between me and them than I thought, and in the distance I noticed Shining douche bag looking down at the remnants of my clothes, poking the scattered cloth with a hoof. I smirked when I noticed that one eye was swollen shut and his nose was clearly broken, his horn glowing brightly as he presumably tried to heal his wounds.

Not wanting to stick around long enough for him to figure out that I was indeed alive and not a pile of dust, I breathed deeply and plunged back below water. This process of gulping down air and swimming happened several more times until l was absolutely sure I was as far downwind of the guards as necessary to hide my scent. With little chance of being followed, I slipped out of the reeds and crawled up the bank before making my way toward the woods once more, my dagger gripped tightly in my hand.

A shiver made me realize that the fur on the entire back half of my body was gone, and a pang of pain reminded me that this wasn't the worst of the damage, as my back was one massive second-degree burn. Turning and looking over my shoulder into a pool of water confirmed my fears, and I quickly looked away, not wanting to look at the hideous injury.

For a moment I stood there, trying to feel how bad of an injury it was, and if it was life-threatening. A few moments of concentration later and I was certain that I wasn't in immediate danger as gnolls rarely suffered from infection and the injury itself wasn't as bad as it looked. My high constitution had no doubt saved me, aided by the fact that I immediately iced the burn for several minutes, though the experience certainly hadn't been a pleasant one.

With a sigh, I looked up at the moon, silently wondering what in the hell I had done to deserve this. I decided then and there that I must have been terribly unkind to puppies in my former life, as this was far worse treatment than even a normal bad guy deserved.

As I began to slowly stride into the woods, I did my best to look away from my now naked form, or spend too much time thinking about my wounds, and in the rage, I felt burning at the back of my mind. Instead, I tried to focus on anything I may have missed not from the brief fight, but from the time before I arrived here in Equestria, as something told me I had indeed forgotten something important.

I wracked my brain for several minutes only to think to myself that I had not forgotten anything out of the ordinary. That was until something possessed me to think back to the topic of dungeons and dragons and realize what I had forgotten. Dungeons and dragons was not typically only a one-player game, and though we didn't have the larger groups that some others did, there was still me, the dungeon master, and my friend.

I wondered if he was here too and if we had been dropped apart from one another and if so how far away was it? I wondered where he was, and as I worried more and more information came back to me about him, and his character.

He had chosen to play a changeling, which is a sort of humanoid shapeshifter capable of becoming any other medium sized creature of relative size and mass. He had chosen this race in order to be everything I was not by mastering both magic and charisma in one go by becoming a sorcerer that focused almost solely on ranged attacks. I remembered chatting with him about how we were going to play our characters, and work as a team as this campaign was going to be difficult, and would necessitate planning our race, class, and skills carefully.

I chose to run more of a dex tank, utilizing the benefits of high dexterity in order to dual wield lighter weapons, splitting my levels between ranger and rogue in order to create a character that was surprisingly sneaky, and tanky while still dealing high damage. This also shored up my friend’s defenses as we needed someone to get past locks and traps, while also being able to compliment his high charisma and great disguise ability.

With a changeling as a partner, the plan was simply to sneak around and pick off most of our enemies before my friend summoned a bunch of minions and then started to focus down the boss, while I snuck up on said boss and when it was the right time, deliver the coup d'etat. To this end, he had specialized in summoning and evocation at the cost of abandoning the ability to cast both necromancy and divination spells. Something that was deemed worth it as these kinds of spells was easily replaced by either more raw damage, or a good diversification of skills respectively.

I fell suddenly, my foot having caught a root and leaving me face down in the dirt, a groan on my lips. The wave of memories had been a little too overwhelming and I chose not to think about the past right now, not while I was naked save for my gloves and boots while in the middle of nowhere with nothing more than a dagger at my side.

To that end I began to look around, making a note that civilization would probably not be very kind to a race that was apparently on some sort of kill-on-sight list. Something that struck me as quite racist, though I couldn't say I blamed them, as gnolls in dungeons and dragons frequently raided nearby settlements for slaves, tools, or just fun.

Fortunately for me, I wasn't a brain-dead meathead and could in fact make my own decisions. Though that line of reasoning did lead me to figure out that either gnolls or something that looked like gnolls were enemies of ponies in this reality. Meaning I would likely be unable to convince anyone I wasn't a mindless savage, and could indeed be reasoned with, provided I figured out how to communicate with them.

I glanced down at my naked, bloody, and partially hairless form and sighed, mentally compiling a list of all the things I would need to acquire before I could even attempt to speak to another pony.

Number one was healing my wounds, followed by finding clothes, acquiring a base of operation and then finally locating a pony that wasn't likely to try and kill me after only looking at me. After that I could slowly work out the difference in language, or perhaps construct something to bridge that gap. At which point things kind of opened up for me, leaving me with a little too many options.

My first thought was to meet up with you six, as you are the most important creatures in the fictional world I read about, but then again I am not a big fan of dying. Something that was apparently a very real possibility if I chose to try and help you or others. Death also wasn't something I was keen on experiencing considering the possibility that if I died here I might very well die permanently.

In the end, I shook my head, putting such grandiose thoughts from my mind and instead focusing on the here and now. A thought that started with me trying to figure out why my nose was suddenly filled with the scent of rotting flesh.

Author's Note

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

Confinement

“I think this is a good spot to pause your story,” Luna offered.

“Y-yes. Maybe we should take the remaining time to ask a few questions,” Twilight added.

I raised an eyebrow, holding back my response while I inspected my jailors a little closer. They both looked a bit green under the gills, with neither thrilled to hear my tale. Twilight was hit the worst, the mare muttering under her breath, with the only audible words being Shining. Luna wasn't much better off, though she looked more pensive, as well as slightly curious. If that spark in her eye was any indication, though I may have been misunderstanding it.

“So, questions?” I asked.

“Oh right,” Twilight coughed into her hoof and sat a little straighter. “To start, I was wondering if you may clarify a few things. Starting with what you mentioned about this ‘campaign’ you were a part of.”

“It was, at the time anyway, just a silly game of make-believe where you pretend to be adventurers,” I replied.

“Like your ogres and oubliettes game you kept asking me to join,” Luna added, eyes lighting up.

“Really? How curious,” Twilight murmured, only to shake her head. “Regardless, you said that the game’s title was ‘The Slaughter That Came to Esteria’?”

I nodded. “Yeah, that was the title he settled on. I would have gone with something a bit more grammatically correct, but hey.”

“Do you know the significance of the word Esteria?” Luna asked.

“Uh, it's a kind of cool name for a world?” I half asked half stated with a shrug of my shoulders.

“It is the name given to our planet by the kindred during the thousand-year summer,” Luna remarked in a low, reverent tone. “There are very few who know this word, and fewer still that would speak it frivolously.”

“Really? Celestia mentioned that there was an ancient empire but she’s never answered my questions. At least in a way that wasn't so vague that I couldn't make heads or tails of it,” Twilight murmured.

“Yes, that is Tia for you. But, getting back to our questions. This… dungeon master. What do you know of him?” Luna pressed.

“He was a hairless ape, like myself. He came up with the story, and was as proud as he was secretive about the whole thing,” I replied. “He barely told us anything, and promised that all the relevant info would come up naturally.”

“So he is not in fact some manner of god or extraplanar entity?” Luna asked.

I chuckled, only to pause and shrug. “I don't know anymore. I was transformed, so who’s to say he hasn't been as well.”

“Were there any other players?” Twilight asked, turning to Luna. “Usually there are about four other people outside of the dungeon master.”

“There was only one that I can remember,” I murmured, scratching my chin with a claw. “I can't recall if there was anyone else.”

“So there might be another like you here?” Luna inquired.

I shrugged. “Its possible, but I haven't heard or seen them. Though I also have barely ever left the Everfree.”

“Let's put that thought aside for now, and run through a few shorter questions. I feel like thats a bit of a dead end for now,” Twilight offered, glancing at Luna.

The other alicorn nodded.

“Right, so what do you remember of your previous life?” Twilight inquired.

“Not much,” I admitted, somewhat regretfully. “I sometimes get flashes, memories prompted by some stimuli that bring them to the fore but other than that… I was male, I was young, and was into roleplaying games.”

“You don't remember anything about the world you left behind?” Twilight asked, her voice containing a hint of desperation.

“It was more technologically advanced than yours, but specifics are beyond me,” I admitted. “All that's left was context stuff, basics. What is a claw, what is a train, concepts like democracy, or the existence of laws.”

“Subconscious learned patterns remain, but anything greater than that is removed. That does sound like the result of a blind jump to a different plane,” Twilight murmured.

“Either way you have my sympathy. To be ripped away from what you know so suddenly…” Luna began, her jaw tensing. “It is an unforgivable crime.”

“It's not all bad, though you ponies are intensely xenophobic, hateful, bigoted, and violent, not everyone is like you,” I remarked, my restraint slipping somewhat when my thoughts turned to Shining Butt Face.

“We are no-sort of are,” Twilight declared. “Wait. That's not what I meant to say.”

“The Equestria of today is not nearly as welcoming to outsiders as the one I knew,” Luna added. “The struggles and conflicts with their neighbors have hardened the hearts of this generation of ponies.”

“It's just…” Twilight grit her teeth and shook her head. “We are not like that, for the most part. You must understand that gnolls were considered non-sapient animals driven to slaughter any living creature at the behest of their demonic god.”

“Yet you people still believed that even after seeing clear and present evidence to the contrary. I think that's another point in the violent, xenophobic, and hate-filled category,” I retorted.

“I… we… augh,” Twilight snorted and fell back in her chair.

Luna cleared her throat. “Continuing where we left off. What do you know about this fictional version of our world that you mentioned earlier?”

“Just the broad strokes of your story and that it was a television show intended for young girls,” I answered.

“Television?” Twilight asked, her annoyance instantly replaced with curiosity.

“It enabled you to watch moving picture shows on a small screen… somehow,” I murmured. “Like, seeing a play happening a thousand miles away or something.”

“Fascinating. Continue,” Twilight urged, the alicorn scrawling notes on her pad.

“Like I said, broad strokes. Nightmare Moon is defeated. Twilight learns the value of friendship while going on bite-sized adventures with her friends. Every year or so they face off against some big bad attempting to destroy everything,” I concluded.

“What manner of threat?” Luna pressed.

“Discord, the changelings, and…” I paused, a frown coming to my face. “That's all I can remember. Though I am certain there were more.”

“It seems as though this fictional reality differs greatly from our own as changelings died out millennia ago during the great crossing,” Luna declared.

“Also I’ve never heard mention of this… Discord character before, have you?” Twilight stated, turning to Luna.

Who shook her head. “Neigh, we have not. He sounds like some manner of chaotic demon not unlike the dreaded Yeenoghu.”

“He was a trickster, I’m fairly certain. I can only remember that he had a great voice,” I stated.

“It is unfortunate that we cannot garner anything else of value from this other world, but that is to be expected when it comes to such interdimensional nonsense,” Luna stated.

“I am more intrigued by what this dungeon master of yours said,” Twilight offered. “The quote you mentioned about how the adventure would find you and that Yeenoghu was coming.”

I shrugged. “I haven't found any evidence of this, save for what Nightmare Moon said before she was defeated.”

Upon mentioning Nightmare Moon, Luna shrunk slightly, and Twilight's jaw tensed as if she were biting back a response. The moment passed quickly, the two alicorns schooling their expressions and putting on a mask of professionalism. Even still, I could tell that they both had secrets, secrets about either Nightmare Moon, or Yeenoghu’s return.

“He's not coming back, is he?” I pressed, paying close attention to Twilight.

“We cannot confirm that he is returning,” Twilight rather strategically said, voice quivering slightly as she skirted around the limits of the truth spell.

“We should stay on topic,” Luna offered.

“Right, of course,” Twilight murmured, the alicorn pausing to clear her throat. “You said you killed a manticore and a dragon. Tell us of those incidents.”

“The manticore was regretful but inevitable. He had grown old and like an aging lion, became violent as it sought to find a worthy end,” I explained. “As for the dragon… that's a bit more complicated.”

“Go on,” Twilight urged.

I slowly exhaled through one side of my mouth. “What's there to say? They were twisted, poisoned, and had gone mad, likely from pain. Containing only the cunning of a predator, they hunted my own, until I hunted them down in turn.”

“Do you regret it?” Luna inquired.

“I regret the necessity of my actions,” I replied after a short pause. “I wish there was some way to help them or detain them but that simply wasn't feasible I’m afraid.”

Twilight and Luna exchanged a look, with Twilight hastily scrawling a long note on her pad of paper. Which she kept shaded with a hoof, ensuring that I couldn't read it no matter how closely I watched her.

“How exactly did you manage to survive alone in the wilderness for so long?” Luna asked.

“I’m very strong, quite fast, and fairly intelligent,” I replied. “Not to pat myself on the back too much but I can handle most of what the Everfree could throw at me.”

“You didn't receive any assistance from outside forces or snuck into town in order to procure supplies illegally?” Twilight asked.

“No-well once but that was a whole thing,” I answered. “We needed medicine, and acquired it through less desirable means. However, we did leave behind payment.”

“So to confirm you did not receive help from denizens of Ponyville?” Twilight pressed.

“Not from the citizens of Ponyville, no,” I replied.

“Could you tell us more about how you survived?” Twilight inquired.

“I mean sure, but that's gonna take a good number of hours. Probably all day,” I stated, arms crossing over my chest.

“Perhaps it's best if we saved that for another time,” Luna interjected.

Twilight sighed. “I suppose that is for the best.”

“You keep using we when you mention how you survived. Why is that?” Luna asked.

“Because there is more than one of us out there,” I replied. “I have a whole tribe of rejects expelled from polite pony society.”

“Could you tell us more about them?” Twilight inquired.

“I could,” I answered.

“But will you?” Twilight pressed.

“No,” I exclaimed.

“Why is that?” Twilight asked.

“We’ve confirmed that some of you people are violent, xenophobic, and have a blood thirst worthy of Yeenoghu himself. So, sorry if I’m not exactly thrilled over offering up more targets for you to satiate your murderous impulses,” I retorted a bit harsher then I intended.

“Shining Armor is not… is not indicative of ponies as a whole,” Luna exclaimed.

“He is just stressed,” Twilight offered. “His boss has been leaning on him hard for over a year to find you and bring you in. It's even affected his personal life with him and Cadance nearly breaking up.”

“Breaking up, but not divorce. They have yet to marry?” I inquired, my mind going to thoughts of the princess of love. The moment my mind conjured an image of Cadance I felt uncomfortable feelings begin to stir in my heart. I quickly shook them off though, ignoring the entire thing as misplaced anger at Shining Douche.

“Regardless of why he is a dangerous psychopath who should at best be watched and worst locked up in order to ensure the safety of the general population,” I pressed, my anger getting the better of me.

“He is not a dangerous psycho-” Twilight's face twisted in a mix of anger and confusion. “Augh, no more talking about my brother he is not as bad as you make him out to be.”

“So he's just a mild killer, a two-out five on the murder scale. Totally acceptable in your society, apparently,” I needled.

“Enough,” Luna interrupted, glaring at me. “Though I understand your frustration, this is not the place to vent such anger. Furthermore, it is not in the least bit productive to our investigation.”

“Wouldn't it be exactly what you want to hear? You want to discern whether or not I am guilty of some crime, are you not?” I pressed.

“Oh, your guilty alright,” Twilight spat.

“Of defending myself against a psychopath intent on murdering an innocent for no other reason than to satisfy his racist desires?” I shot back.

“I said enough!” Luna shouted, the alicorn banging the table hard enough to nearly punch a hole straight through it.

I rolled my eyes and sat back in my chair, fingers drumming against my arm. Across from me, Twilight relaxed as well, the pony taking a moment to do some kind of deep breathing exercise.

“Now then,” Luna began again. “The actual purpose of this interview has yet to be determined, save for our own curiosity though I am certain that some manner of trial will occur.”

“Remember though, you swore to treat me as you would any pony prisoner,” I reminded, pointing to Twilight.

“What? I didn't say-” Twilight paused, face contorting as the spell stopped her from lying. “Gah, I didn't think about that.”

“You were gearing up for a bit of extrajudicial murder were ya? You and Shiny really are close,” I remarked, smirking at the purple alicorn.

“I was not!” Twilight shouted. “I wanted to figure this out. To get to the bottom of this whole thing and hopefully heal the divide that has cut my family in half!”

The young pony glared up at me with wide, puffy eyes, tears building on their edges.

I sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. That was out of line. I just finally get to complain about that psych-”

I stopped myself and took a breath.

“That person. Who has been trying to kill me and those of my tribe on numerous occasions over the last year,” I stated in a carefully controlled, and lower tone.

“I’m sure there is more to it than that, and in time we will gain the full context for… everything,” Twilight added, clearly holding back but still eager to meet me in the middle.

“Good. We will review more of your experiences here in Equestria at a later date. For now, I believe our time is nearly up,” Luna concluded, glancing at her fellow alicorn. “Twilight. If you have any final questions, now would be the time.”

Twilight hummed thoughtfully. “Well I still have many, but I will focus on the most pressing. Namely, what is your experience with the daughters of Eve?”

“Hoo boy, that's a long one,” I replied, wrapping my clawed hands around the back of my head. “I’ll give you the short version first. I saved them, they saved me, they taught me a bit of druidic magic, and now they live with the rest of our tribe.”

“Our tribe. Elaborate, please,” Twilight urged.

“They are a part of our tribe,” I answered with a shrug. “Not sure what I could elaborate on, to be honest.”

“How did you come in contact with them, did you coerce them in any way to-” Twilight stopped, her eyes going wide and tail tucking itself firmly between her legs. “Please excuse me.”

The alicorn then vanished in a flash of light, leaving a slightly confused Luna, and a slightly amused me behind.

“I think that's a good place to call it for today,” Luna remarked, using a bit of magic to deactivate the crystal as well as the lie detection spell. “Perhaps it is best we settle the matter of your quarters now.”

“Oh, my cell is complete?” I asked somewhat irritably.

“Not yet,” Luna replied. “So we will have you stay here for the moment. After I’ve had a chance to fortify this room. For now, you will go upstairs, and be watched by several of my best while I ready your temporary accommodations.”

“Could be worse I suppose,” I murmured under my breath.

I then sauntered my way up the stairs, taking my time in order to not outpace the short-legged alicorn too much. Luna for her part remained a slight distance behind me, her critical gaze never leaving my back, even after I flicked my tiny tail at her. That got an amused snort out of the embittered mare, though that was about the only reaction I was able to get.

In silence, I ascended the steps, opened the door, and stepped into the small hallway at the back of the library. Glancing over to the entrance, I was able to find that work had continued at a brisk pace during my absence. I couldn't see much from my current angle, but the flurry of activity was still easily visible from inside the library.

What was also visible from that position was the cadre of four armed and armored thestrals that stood waiting for me. All wearing identical everything it was hard to tell them apart, which seemed to be on point for the various rank and file guards of Equestria. Not sure why, as it gave them a sort of stormtrooper vibe that dehumanized them- deponized them?

Either way, it made it easy to imagine they are villains when they are stripped of all their uniqueness.

“Manacle squad will keep an eye on you while I get to work. If you have any requests then ask them,” Luna stated before turning around and walking back downstairs.

“Well hello to you all,” I began, stepping forward with a smile. “I am glad to see that it is not the less competent solar guard that is watching me. They wouldn't be able to find a thief it walked right up to them and stole what’s left of their sense of humor.”

When my joke got absolutely no chuckles, no giggles or even a slight exhale through their nostrils, I gave up. Walking over to the couch, I plunked down into it and got to planning, or at least I started doing so before a striking thought occurred to me.

“I’m thirsty,” I remarked aloud. “Would you mind acquiring some water, and some food? I’m an omnivore, so if I’ll eat whatever, but if you have some chips or sandwiches handy, that would be great.”

One of the bat ponies broke off from the group, walked over to the kitchen, and then returned a moment later. When I noticed they had nothing in their hooves, I raised an eyebrow.

“That seemed kind of spiteful don't you think?” I remarked.

They didn't say a word, further irritating me, and driving a nail into my less then secret plan to bring them over to my side. Ponies were largely trusting, and borderline naive, so convincing my jailors that I wasn't all bad seemed like a good idea. That required them to at least speak to me though, so things weren't exactly getting off to a great start.

I was about to lie down and begin the next phase of my plan by having a nap when another pony appeared. Though a thestral like the rest, he was not armed or armored, allowing me to catch a glimpse of his cutie mark. Which was of a bunch of vegetables caught mid-toss, launched into the air by what looked like a cast iron wok.

“H-here you are miss,” he murmured, extending his forehooves.

I looked down, away from his rather adorable, demure features to where he was holding a plateful of sandwiches. Sniffing the food, I was able to detect the distinct aroma of lettuce, tomato, and was that…

“Bacon?” I murmured.

“It's um actually tofu, but prepared in a special way,” he declared.

“Huh,” I muttered.

Grabbing one of the bready delicacies, I took a bite and immediately melted. It was exactly like bacon, only with more fibrous, though that didn't take away from the flavor too much. I chewed slowly, daintily, and once done with the first small triangle-shaped sandwich I sighed.

“That is… very good. Bravo, little one, you make a mean B.L.T,” I commended, giving the blushing boy a brief standing ovation.

“Oh um, thank you,” he whispered, turning around.

He made it a few steps before realizing he was walking away with the plate. He then hastily scampered back over to me, dropped the platter on the coffee table and all but sprinted back into the kitchen. I watched him go as he left, noting just how adorable, feminine, and yet still kinda tough he looked.

He had a few scars the kind of which are impossible to get outside of a battlefield. Yet he certainly didn't look like the warrior type, what with his shoulder-length mane, and overall bearing.

“He's an enigma that one,” I murmured. “Cute though.”

That got the smallest of giggles from one of the pony’s guarding me and a glare from another. I took note of both responses, but said nothing, merely flopping back down, and digging into my meal. I made sure to act extra dainty this time, having to remind my minders that I was not a simple beast.

Once that was done, I yawned, and lay back down on the couch, letting my legs fall over the end as it was way too small for me.

“You guys don't mind if I catch some z’s do ya?” I asked.

When that got a predictably non-existent response, I grabbed a doily from the end table and laid it over my eyes. I then did my best to actually go to sleep and was a bit surprised when I was startled awake what felt like a second later. A firm hoof jabbed at my side, stirring me out of the brief bit of sleep I had been able to have.

Peeking out from beneath the doily, I eyed the armored thestral with amusement. I couldn't tell much about them, but they did seem slightly embarrassed, the tiniest hint of a blush on their face.

“Luna is ready for you,” they declared, voice as androgynous as their appearance.

“Ahh, thanks,” I murmured halfheartedly.

Sitting upright, I let the rather frilly piece of fabric fall from my face as I stretched. Releasing a rather loud, large yawn, I smacked my mostly lipless maw and looked around. Only to find that nearly everyone appeared to be a bit embarrassed, to varying degrees.

“I was snoring, wasn't I?” I murmured.

Noone responded, at least with words anyway. One thestral, the same who stifled a giggle earlier, made that half-growling noise you make when you're holding back a laugh. That was all the confirmation I needed, and so with a frown on my face, I stood up.

I walked, with whatever dignity I had left, down to the basement, my jailors a respectable distance behind me. Opening the door, I looked down to where I expected to find Luna, but there was no one. I made a few steps down before the dark alicorn appeared, exiting a side room that I hadn't noticed before.

“My apologies. I just had to… take care of something,” Luna muttered.

I pretended to ignore the half-formed smile on her face and instead focused on the room itself. It was more or less the same, though now a magical cage was built around two rooms that both lacked doors. Peering into one, I found that it had likely been used as most rooms in someone’s basement were used for, storage.

The other was a rather spartan bathroom that you might expect to find in such a place. Squat toilet, a standing shower that had likely not been used for anything but holding boxes, and a sink that hadn't been cleaned in years. I ended my observation just as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

“You ponies aren't exactly big about the whole privacy thing, are you? I mean, you don't wear pants so I assumed as much but taking the door off the bathroom? Now you just look like voyeurs,” I remarked.

Luna snorted. “There is a curtain you can pull should you require it. Now in you go.”

“No need to hassle me, I’m going,” I muttered.

I took a step towards the cage and was about to ask how I got past the glowing deep blue bars when a section suddenly phased out of existance. Stepping through it, and making sure to duck, I walked into the bedroom that had been prepared for me. Spartan, like the bathroom, it was at least sized appropriately, save for the ceiling, but that was to be expected.

“So, when do we start session two?” I inquired.

Luna lit her horn and sealed up my cell once more. “Not long. Twilight and I merely have some business to attend to.”

“Cool, well. Have fun with that,” I exclaimed, giving Luna a wave as she walked away.

It was small, but I could tell that Luna was at least a little disarmed by how personable I was being. It wasn't exactly a stretch for me, given how jovial a person I usually am but I was laying on the charm a little thick. Some may consider this duplicitous, or two-faced but I liked to think that I was merely putting in a bit of effort to make a new friend.

Ponies were rather easy to befriend, after all, I knew that much from experience.

Author's Note

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

Capital Punishment

Turned out that Twilight and Luna’s bit of business was taking longer than anticipated as it was rapidly drawing close to supper time yet they hadn't appeared. Though bored to tears, I hadn't gone mad yet luckily, as I entertained myself by inspecting my cell a little closer.

There was a window in the storage room I hadn't seen at first glance, the opening so narrow I probably wouldn't even be able to slip through it if there weren't bars in the way. Illuminated with magic, there were no candles, torches, or other physical light sources that I could use as a weapon if necessary. The bed was surprisingly long, nearly fitting my lanky form completely, though not comfortably.

The pillow was immediately flattened by my fat head, and my fat ass caused the entire thing to sag in the middle. The blanket barely covered my privates and would struggle to serve as a halfway decent towel in a pinch. It was disappointing and regrettable, but it wasn't the worst, and I had a feeling that I could leverage my perk of being treated as a pony prisoner to get some better amenities.

The bathroom was thankfully halfway decent, as at least the toilet didn't crack under my weight. The curtain actually obscured me from view surprisingly well, and the shower dispensed cool water whenever I needed it. There was even a sink which I used to get a drink of water and wash my face.

I considered a shower, but decided against it for now, as I was just feeling lazy and wanted to do so before I ended up passing out. Though I did stop, and inspect my armor a little closer, noting that it was more or less intact despite the beating it had taken. Made from bits of scrap, tanned hides, and plates held on by straps, it looked like it gave next to no protection when in truth it was far from useless.

Chainmail covered my midsection, while the heaviest plates covered my vitals. Over the lower parts of my arms and legs, there was little more than studded leather giving me more range of motion. While the rest had at least two to three layers of overlapping layers, ensuring that despite its looks my armor was probably better than the guard’s.

It was also a complete pain to remove, especially since it doubled as my clothes so I held up on removing it. I did, however, check to see if my secret cleavage dagger (plus sheathe, obviously) was still there, and sure enough, no one had noticed it. Which was a surprise as though barely any of said cleavage was visible, yet Luna still stared at my chest every time I looked away.

I chuckled to myself, and pushed the dagger back down, deciding to save that for later. After taking another gulp of water from the tap, I pulled the curtain aside to find that I was no longer alone. I cursed the fact that I was so easily distracted, and looked over to find that I had been joined by a random guard and not Luna as I had expected.

“Yo, what can I do you for?” I offered, stepping out of the bathroom.

“Dinner will be served in a few minutes. Would you like to come upstairs to eat?” they offered.

“Oh uh, sure!” I replied with a smile. “Didn't think you’d offer that but I’d really like to eat at a table. Or even a coffee table.”

“Understood,” stated the armored thestral before walking away, disappearing up the steps.

“Well alright then,” I murmured. “Probably off to grab reinforcements I guess.”

Sure enough, he returned a moment later with the rest of his squad, the group standing around the exit to the cell. One of them produced a rune inscribed stone and pressed it against the bars, prompting an opening to appear. After stepping out, it closed behind me, and together we moved up the stairs with two in front and two in behind.

We reached the top, turned to the right, and walked out into the first layer of the library. The hustle and bustle had died down slightly, but there were still more than a few ponies standing around outside the window. Soldiers, guards, but no townsfolk, as the last of the gawkers had probably been told to go home. Spike wasn't around either, as was my other host and Luna, though judging from the pile of books laying open on a desk off to the side, Twilight had been here recently.

“You may sit there,” offered one of the guards of Manacle Squad.

“Sure,” I replied, flopping down into the couch they had pointed out. “Say, is that cute chef from before making me more food? He was so damn adorable.”

“He is not interested in you, gnoll,” growled a female voice.

I immediately sat up and turned to the speaker, noting that she was a slightly larger thestral that also looked to be the youngest of the group.

“Ohoho, someone has a crush,” I exclaimed. “Is it that mix of shyness and scars right? I ain't even a stallion gal, and even I know that's like, super attractive.”

The thestral mare didn't seem to have expected my teasing as she recoiled slightly, blinking in surprise.

“Or is it just the cooking skills? Cus I’ll admit that's also a huge bonus,” I sat back slightly, cupping my chin with my hand. “Though I might just be saying that due to my own inability to not burn anything that isn't a liquid.”

“It's uh…” the guardsmare swallowed hard. “It's the scars.”

I giggled. “You’re secret’s safe with me sister.”

A second later and the chef we’d been talking about for the past few minutes appeared, a bowl in hoof. Upon laying eyes on me, he smiled slightly and trotted over, placing the food on the coffee table in front of me. I glanced down, expecting prison gruel, but was surprised to find that it was a very hearty-looking chef’s salad.

“Oh damn dude, you really went all out,” I remarked, leaning in close. “Are those little slices tofo, or meat?”

“Tofo,” he replied with a smile. “But I cooked them in a bit of butter and fat so it should be uh… tasty.”

“Well, I love it already, thanks!” I stated.

“You’re quite welcome,” he declared with a smile.

I picked up the bowl, and the plastic fork but paused before digging in.

“Oh yeah and chef?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“The tall one has a crush on you,” I exclaimed, gesturing to the mare from earlier.

“H-hey! I thought my secret was safe with you?” spat the guard.

“Oh come on. I could tell from just talking to you that you werent about to break the ice on your own. Besides, it was a secret that you loved his scars not that you liked him,” I retorted, a smirk on my face.

I then turned back around and stuffed a forkful of delicious salad into my mouth. As I savored the interesting mix of flavors and aromas I could hear the guards either chuckling or fuming silently to themself.

“Um miss Bladedash? Maybe you could help me put away some of these dishes,” offered the chef.

That made me stop, and lift an eyebrow.

“Uh, sergeant?” she asked.

“Go ahead private,” replied her commander.

The pair scampered off into the kitchen, leaving me with three guards who were at least slightly relaxed. They still watched me like a murder of crows, but I noticed that they weren't quite as twitchy, nor did they touch their weapon as much. It was a nice first step, but this little cadre had clearly been chosen for their level heads as they did not seem eager to continue bantering with me.

Which was totally okay, as I was enthralled by the salad, and entranced by just how good the tofo was. It tasted like pork almost, our adorable little chef had nailed the texture so perfectly that I was tempted to ask him if he was lying. So enamored was I with the flavor that I didn't notice that someone was approaching the library until the door burst open.

I moved to grab my boob dagger but resisted the urge, merely glancing over to the entrance, where a few ponies in golden armor stood. The guards had clearly been caught by surprise as well, as they all moved to draw their weapons and get into defensive positions. That ended abruptly, with the sergeant raising a hoof and causing the rest of their squad to relax.

“Where is it?” spat Shining Armor.

“Sup?” I replied before stuffing another load of lettuce, tofu, and egg into my maw.

“You! Why is it just sitting here, eating like some kind of regular prisoner?” he demanded.

“Yes,” offered a thin unicorn mare that stepped out of Shining Armor’s shadow. “Why is this… thing, not in a cage?”

“Princess Twilight informed us to treat the prisoner as we would any other,” stated the sergeant, a slightly shorter thestral with an intense gaze. “As such we are feeding her a meal suitable for her caloric intake and dietary requirements.”

“Why is it out here at all? I thought Twilight said she was going to take care of it,” Shining Armor pressed, stepping closer.

“Oh, they’ve been taking great care of me!” I offered.

“Augh,” Shining Armor muttered. “She cast a translation spell on it too.”

“Yup, so now I can remark about how much you resemble a tiny, angry weasel and you’ll be able to understand me. Great ain't it?” I remarked before taking another bite of salad.

Shining Armor growled under his breath, the stallion producing a noise I hadn't thought a pony could even make.

“Sir, the order,” offered her second in command.

I raised an eyebrow at the remark, chewing slowly as I looked at the tall unicorn mare up and down. She had a pink coat, purple eyes, a short mane of wavey two-toned teal hair, and a face that looked like it had never known a smile. If she wasn't quite so pink she’d look like the perfect ice queen, as she had stoic, empty eyes that contained nothing but mild irritation.

She wore a small bow in her mane, and light armor made up of a breastplate, plus a large gorget around her neck. Under that, she wore a gambeson, which was a sort of heavy padded armor that covered all but the bottoms of her hooves. She had no visible weapons save for a single long sword that I recognized immediately as an estoc. This type of longsword was used by mounted fighters during the medieval period and was meant to be driven into the weak points of plate armor, killing the wearer without having to pierce their defenses.

“Right,” Shining Armor muttered, digging into his saddlebags and producing a roll of parchment. “By decree of the acting commander of the Ponyville forces and ratified by the mayor of Ponyville I hereby order the immediate execution of the prisoner.”

That shocked even me, and I just sat there, with my jaw hanging open, pieces of lettuce and shaved carrot falling out. The guards seemed just as confused as me, as they stood there, looking straight at Shining Armor. Who only seemed to grow more annoyed when they didn't jump to murder me while I was eating my dinner.

“What are you waiting for? Get the beast’s head over that table and I shall carry out the execution myself,” Shining Armor proclaimed.

The plate mail armored stallion produced a greatsword with only a single sharp edge to it and a flat tip. I recognized this blade as an executioner's sword, though my brain was only kind of aware of this fact as I was still in shock. Shining Armor, however, was not surprised and took a step forward, only to be met by the sergeant.

“I can't let you do that sir. Our orders are to treat the prisoner as any other awaiting trial,” they declared in a low tone. “Which means no summary executions.”

That seemed to shock the rest of the guards out of their stupor as they stepped forward, eager to support their leader. The tall, slim unicorn mare I pegged as Shining Armor’s second did the same, her horn shimmering with a faint teal light. A few other solar guards readied themselves near the door, but Shining’s second held them at bay with a raised hoof.

“There will be no trial,” Shining Armor stated. “A state of emergency has been declared, and as such I have the authority to end it through whatever means I deem necessary.”

“Woah dude, this isn't an emergency? I’ve literally done nothing but hit on your sister, and answer her questions,” I retorted with a smirk.

I could see a vein bulge in Shining Armor’s forehead, which only made my smirk grow even more mischievous. I wondered briefly if pissing him off, even more, was a good idea, but honestly, I was far beyond the point of caring about playing nice.

“You leave her out of this!” Shining Armor spat.

“How? She was the one who promised that I’d be treated like a pony prisoner. Doesn't her authority as a princess, override yours?” I replied.

Manacle squad looked from me to Shining Armor, their gazes uncertain and their body language uncommitted.

“In states of emergency like this one, authority falls to me, and me alone,” Shining Armor stated.

“And last I checked there were no princesses here to save you,” added his assistant.

“I’m sorry, who the hell are you?” I retorted, gesturing to Shining Armor’s second.

“I am Royal Ribbon. Shining Armor’s acting second in command,” replied the unicorn mare.

“That doesn't matter now. Quit stalling and get that thing restrained so that I may administer justice,” Shining Armor declared.

“Wait a second. Why did you let me off earlier if you were just going to try to murder me right after?” I pressed.

“I had assumed that I had pressed upon Twilight the necessity of your execution now are you three going to stand there like a couple of gawkers or am I going to have to have you court marshaled for insubordination?” Shining Armor demanded, gesturing with his sword to the four thestrals in charge of my person.

I could feel the sergeant’s uncertainty and knew that their loyalty to Luna was being weighed against their desire to follow the chain of command. It was a difficult call, but I knew how they looked to their princess of the night and had seen firsthand how much they respected her.

“Are you sure you want to betray Princess Luna like this?” I asked Manacle Squad in a low tone. “She tasked you with treating me with the respect of any other prisoner. You can't seriously be contemplating helping this nut job.”

Like a switch being flipped, any doubt left the sergeant’s face and they stepped forward confidently, putting themselves between me and Shining Armor.

“Fareeah has a point. If you truly have this authority, and truly gotten the sign-off of the local mayor then it will not matter if we wait until Luna’s return,” stated the thestral guard.

“All our paperwork is in order,” Royal Ribbon declared, tossing the scroll at the thestral. “You may check for the necessary signatures if you wish but stand aside while you do so.”

The sergeant took the scroll and handed it off to one of their subordinates.

“No, I don't think I will,” they stated in a cold tone, their declaration backed up by the rest of their squad falling in around them, including the mare who had left for the kitchen earlier. “I think we are going to sit here all nice and wait for Luna or Twilight's return.”

“Your careers are over, do you hear me?” Shining Armor hissed. “Standing in the way of a lawful order given with full authority will at best end up with a dishonorable discharge and at worst will see you imprisoned alongside the demon you defend!”

“We have a duty to disobey,” stated the unflinching sergeant. “Especially when it comes to any order that we consider to be illegal, or unconstitutional.”

The thestral’s closed ranks, their hooves going to their weapons, clearly expecting a fight to break out at any second. I watched for a moment before taking another bite out of the salad and munching noisily as the two parties stared one another down. I was fairly certain Shining Armor was about to strike first, but the sudden appearance of an alicorn stopped that from happening.

“What are you doing?” Twilight demanded, the pony stepping through the door, Rainbow Dash hot on her heels. “I told you I could handle this.”

“Yet IT is still alive,” Shining Armor retorted.

“Of course SHE is,” Twilight shot back, walking right up to her brother and towering over him. “I gave my word that she would be safe, that she would receive fair treatment under the law and that means not killing her randomly for no reason!”

“This is not for no reason. There is a demon in our midst!” Shining Armor shouted.

“That may be, but she is still to be treated as a citizen of Equestria for the intents and purposes of this investigation and the trial to come,” Twilight stated.

“You can't be serious. I can't be hearing this,” Shining Armor muttered. “After everything I’ve told you, after everything I’ve been through and you’re siding with that… thing!”

“I am not a thing,” I interrupted. “Unless that thing is a sex machine.”

“Be quiet Fareeah,” Twilight hissed before turning back to her brother. “And no, I am not siding against you. I am siding with justice and the law.”

“Well, the law is on our side,” Royal Ribbon interrupted, gesturing to the sergeant.

“Let me see that,” Twilight snapped, grabbing the piece of paper and reading it in a shockingly short amount of time. “This is official.”

“Of course, it-” Shining Armor began.

“I declare the emergency over,” Twilight interrupted.

“What?!” Shining Armor shouted.

“You heard me. Furthermore, the crown formerly annexes this library and the immediate vicinity,” Twilight exclaimed. “You may be able to pressure Mayor Mare into doing what you want but for all intents and purposes this library is now no longer a part of Ponyville.”

“But crown land falls under the jurisdiction of the highest local authority,” Royal Ribbon interjected.

“I am the highest authority in the land now go back to your camp until such time as you are needed,” Twilight declared, flaring her wings for I assume, dramatic effect.

Shining armor once more tried to stare her down, but was once more defeated when Twilight didn't flinch. She didn't even hesitate, though I could tell that beneath her cold exterior, she was growing increasingly anxious. Thankfully Shining Armor gave up, and with a huff, sheathed his weapon and turned away from me after shooting a final glare.

“Come on. Let's go,” Shining Armor exclaimed. “When Celestia finishes with her business and arrives in Ponyville she will do what needs to be done.”

Royal Ribbon gave Twilight a contemptuous look before following after her commander, either completely unbothered or irate. I honestly couldn't tell the difference with that strange, ice queen of a mare. Twilight also watched them go, with a surprisingly quiet Rainbow Dash looking on from the sidelines.

Only after they were gone did the room breathe a collective sigh of relief.

“Damn Twi, you really broke out the princess powers,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

Twilight grunted in apparent disgust. “I wish I didn't have to, but Shining Armor was over the line.”

“In my experience, that's completely normal for that psychopath,” I added.

“I told you not to call him that,” Twilight shot back.

“And I asked that I be treated fairly yet I still nearly had my head chopped off even while in your custody,” I retorted.

“That's messed up. I’m not a fan of her, but people can't just go around chopping people’s heads off cus you feel like it,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“I am aware of how bad this entire thing is,” Twilight muttered, a hoof going to her forehead. “This entire debacle has more red tape then… I don't even have a fitting metaphor, this is the worst.”

“Good to know that Equestria will at least put on a show before killing you over nothing,” I remarked before swallowing the last of my meal.

“I’ll get to that in a second, but first who told me that there was an emergency on the farm that I needed to attend to?” Twilight asked, glancing about the room. “I recall one of Luna’s guards telling me this yet I can't recall a name or a face.”

“It wasn't any of us,” remarked the sergeant. “I’ve had my eye on everyone all day.”

“Sure wasn't me,” I added.

“Of course, it wasn't…” Twilight sighed. “Whatever, I’ll deal with that later. To your point, no we won't kill you. Equestria doesn't have the death penalty anymore.”

“Except in the case of tyrants trying to control the minds of thousands,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“What?” Twilight muttered, only to wince. “That's right. Sombra.”

“Yeah, we totally killed that guy. Blew him up and everything,” Rainbow Dash declared while miming an explosion with her forehooves and even making the noise.

“That's hardcore,” I remarked.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “It's hard to feel bad for a guy that basically mind-raped an entire country and enslaved them all for years.”

“That wasn't…” Twilight grit her teeth. “That was technically an accident and it was ruled as such by the courts as well as Celestia herself.”

“I mean yeah but we still killed the guy,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “Fluttershy couldn't sleep for a month, but me? I was out like a light.”

“I’d have done the same,” I agreed.

“Well, that's something we agree on I guess,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Augh, I need some tea or something. Luna should be back in a minute,” Twilight muttered before slipping into the kitchen.

I reclined on the couch, enjoying the comfort, and the fact that I hadn't been recalled to my cell yet. Rainbow Dash saw fit to join me, plunking down on the chair across from me and fixing me with a questioning look.

I raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

“Did you really do all that stuff?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“If you're asking if it was me who tore up Fluttershy’s front yard, no. That was that rabid weasel Twilight claims is related to her,” I replied.

“I heard that!” Twilight shouted.

“I know!” I yelled back.

“No like, the murders and stuff,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“Augh I don't even know what they are accusing me of!” I declared, throwing my hands in the air. “First I’m guilty of the crime of being alive, now I’m accused of murder. Tomorrow I’ll be getting blamed for Nightmare Moon, and the common cold!”

“Huh,” Rainbow Dash muttered before standing up. “Alright, get up. I gotta punch you.”

“Why?” I asked, only to pause. “Also, no.”

“Nah I gotta. You made Fluttershy cry,” Rainbow Dash stated.

“Hey that was not me who trampled her azaleas,” I pointed out.

“You know that's not it now come on, stand up. I made a promise to Fluttershy when we were kids to punch everyone who made her cry and I don't intend on breaking it,” Rainbow Dash declared.

I paused and thought about it for a moment before standing up in front of the couch.

“Alright, fine. But it has to be above the belt, and preferably not in the boob,” I stated, gesturing to my chest.

“Heh, so you really are a girl. Applejack doesn't believe it,” Rainbow Dash remarked, flying up until she looked me in the eye.

“Yes, it's just another thing we have in common,” I muttered half-heartedly.

“Here I come,” Rainbow Dash stated before surging forward and slugging me in the face.

The punch was… mediocre at best, leaving my jaw likely bruised but that was about it.

“Huh,” I muttered while rubbing my jaw. “You punch better than Shining Armor.”

“Hah, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, puffing out her chest.

“What is this about punching? Please tell me you did not assault our prisoner,” Twilight declared, emerging from the kitchen with a teacup and saucer.

“Just had to even the score. It's good now, so I’m going to go,” Rainbow Dash answered.

“Why did you allow this, exactly?” Twilight demanded, turning to the sergeant.

“The prisoner consented,” they stated.

“It's true. She made a promise, and I’d hate to make her a liar,” I replied with a shrug.

“So am I free to go then?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

Twilight groaned. “Whatever. I’ve had just about enough of this mess for one day.”

“Cool, later,” Rainbow Dash declared before zipping out the door in a rainbow-hued blur.

“So, no more question periods?” I asked.

“No, er yes. We should have enough time for one more, provided that Luna arrives soon,” Twilight answered, pausing briefly to sip her tea.

As if on cue, Luna appeared at the library entrance, a concerned look on her face.

“I have a feeling as though I missed something important,” she remarked aloud.

“Nothing that won't take a minute to fill you in on,” I replied.

“Just, give me a minute why don't you? I really need some tea, and to sit for a moment. After that we can do some questions or whatever,” Twilight muttered bitterly.

“Alright, then I’ll fill you in,” I offered. “Shining Armor tried to murder me, Rainbow Dash assaulted me and oh, I also learned that you're apparently trying to pin multiple murders on me for some reason. I’m so intrigued to hear what manner of bullshit you are attempting to use to make that stick.”

“Twilight, explain,” Luna declared.

Twilight groaned loudly.

Author's Note

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Constitution Check

“Shining Armor did try to kill Fareeah but it was legal, sorta,” Twilight muttered.

“How exactly was an attempted murder, legal?” Luna pressed.

“Been wondering that myself too,” I added. “I know he's a bloodthirsty monster who cares nothing for collateral damage but this is exceptional even for him.”

Twilight hissed angrily through her teeth. “You are not helping matters.”

“Yeah, lay off her for a bit,” Luna declared, jabbing a hoof in my direction.

“I’ll stop calling him a psychopath when there comes a day when he hasn't tried to kill me,” I retorted.

“Whatever,” Twilight muttered, pausing to take several short breaths. “Right. Shining Armor declared a state of emergency, forced Mayor Mare into signing off on it, and then tried to have our guest here executed right here in the library.”

“Even ordered your squad over there to help him too,” I added, jerking my thumb in the direction of the thestrals.

Luna glanced over at Manacle squad standing off to the side, quietly waiting until their services would be required.

“I assume since there are no headless gnolls in the library that you did not comply, correct?” Luna asked.

“We used our duty to disobey to avoid what we felt like was an unlawful or immoral order,” replied the leader of the small group.

“They were totally tempted, but thankfully they didn't follow through with that urge,” I remarked.

The thestral winced ever so slightly.

“We will discuss your duty in greater detail later. For now, you are dismissed,” Luna ordered.

“Yes, my lady,” replied the thestral.

He then bowed, and turned away, departing the library alongside the rest of his squad. I could tell there was a bit of hurt feelings there, but it was mostly shame like that of a child getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I hoped it wouldn't stand in the way of my attempt to befriend them but I was still a little sour that they had nearly assisted in my unlawful execution.

“Now then, what is this about Rainbow Dash assaulting our prisoner?” Luna asked.

“In fairness I let her hit me. I just wanted to rile Twilight up by putting it bluntly,” I exclaimed with a chuckle and a shrug.

“Well cut it out. My nerves already feel fried,” Twilight muttered angrily.

Though the declaration was far from intimidating or particularly venom-filled, there was a quiet sadness there. That made me feel a bit bad, as I may have pushed her buttons a little too firmly, and would probably have to dial it back a little. My own grievances aside, I wouldn't want to alienate Twilight especially since my survival hinged so much on her being magnanimous in the first place.

“Okay, that explains everything but the murders. I wasn't aware we had pressed any charges at the moment,” Luna exclaimed, glancing expectantly at Twilight.

“The crown hasn't, as it is pending this investigation. I believe Shining Armor is attempting to press charges of assault, and attempted murder on an individual level outside of this, but since so much of his personal grievances are tied up in this case I’ve had them suspended for the moment,” Twilight concluded.

“Can you even charge me with that stuff to begin with? I mean according to your legal system I have less protection than an animal,” I exclaimed. “Which is pretty fucked up I gotta say.”

“Language,” hissed Twilight, the alicorn glancing nervously over at Spike.

“I’ve heard worse,” Spike stated with a shrug, the dragon pausing to lick his finger and flip the page of the comic book he was reading.

“Huh, I didn't even notice you come in. You’re a stealthy little guy aintcha,” I remarked.

“Being small has its advantages,” Spike replied.

“Really, an animal? Can't we at least treat her as an enemy combatant or something?” Luna asked, gesturing at me with a hoof.

“I’m in the process of having her declared a temporary citizen. One of the reasons I stepped out, to begin with, was in order to mail my request to the Department of Citizenship,” Twilight answered. “It likely won't go through for a few days but I’ve notified the minister in charge and expedited my request.”

“That's actually kind of nice,” I muttered. “I didn't expect that, given your familial association.”

“I am not my brother,” Twilight stated firmly. “Though I may have people breathing down my neck to have you shipped off to tartarus or hung, they can't exactly threaten or intimidate a princess.”

“High-ranking officers in the guard though? Those guys are probably bought and sold between noble houses like one may trade paintings,” I added.

“Hush,” Luna ordered.

Despite my desire to continue firing barbs, I did as she asked and kept my mouth shut for the moment.

“So, that concludes that little debacle. Do we have the time to ask a few more questions?” Luna inquired.

“I believe so,” I offered.

“Yes, we have time for one last session before I must retire for the night,” Twilight muttered, clutching her head with a hoof. “Any longer without rest and this headache may become a migraine.”

“Then let us return to the basement so we may conclude our business for the day,” Luna declared. “After you Fareeah.”

I obliged the request and ambled over to the basement, hands in my pockets. The ponies followed behind, joining me as I walked down the stairs and came back to our little interrogation spot. I sat back down in my chair and watched as my interrogators did the same, getting comfortable before glancing at one another.

“Where did we leave off again?” Luna inquired.

“I believe it was at the end of Fareeah’s rather disastrous first day here,” Twilight answered, the alicorn lighting her horn and casting the truth spell along with the recording spell.

“It was,” I replied. “Though after that things kind of slow down for a while.”

“Well, tell us a bit about that. You may glaze over some details but try to give us a bit of an overview of the next few weeks,” Luna stated.

I took a long breath and reclined in my seat. “Well, it wasn't very exciting but.”

I scrambled through the mud and muck in the patchwork of leaves that served as my clothes. It didn't exactly cover everything, nor did it block much of the breeze, but it was a start at least. I wasn't sure if leaves held together with plant fiber was in style, but I sure hoped it wasn't because it was draftier than an attic.

I put aside such considerations for the moment and focused on the small grey-furred rabbit I had been sneaking up on for the last fifteen minutes. It was barely the size of my fist, but it was at least food, so I stalked it with as much patience as I could muster. Unfortunately, several days spent slowly starving were beginning to take their toll, and my stomach rumbled loud enough that it gave away my position.

It was about to hop away, but I stopped that from happening by lurching forward and grabbing the thing around the midsection. I then pulled it back, and swiftly ended it by snapping its neck with a twist of my wrist. It was surprisingly easy to do, but that made sense given my strength and how small the critter was.

My first thought was to carefully skin the thing so I could start putting together some kind of patchwork leather clothing. But then the hunger kicked in and I couldn't resist the urge to bite down on the furry bugger’s head. My teeth cut easily through the thing’s skin, muscle and spine, allowing me to begin chewing on it, skull and all.

My jaws are very strong, and my teeth are stronger still, so it wasn't hard for me to turn the head of the rabbit into mulch. After swallowing I went in for more, my hunger turning me briefly into a wild animal. I devoured the rest of the thing in only a few short bites, leaving behind not but a scrap of hair, and a tail.

Though I was still hungry, the urge to feed subsided somewhat, and I was able to regain my senses again. Aiming to rid myself of this urge for a while longer I continued to hunt, though I also kept my eyes open for any non meat options I could find. Thankfully I was able to locate a patch of bright blue and purple berries that I tore through, eating everything on the bush.

After that, the hunger finally died down and I was able to really start planning again.

I set about finding a cave, and then a more permanent source of freshwater other than the odd creek or river that had supplied me so far. To this end, I located a shallow alcove near a small, but deep and fast running stream a little deeper in. From there I was able to construct a simple dwelling, gather firewood, hunt, and begin skinning enough animals to get some rather simple clothes going.

That was the first little while in a nutshell. It was cold, lonely, and filled with far more raw meat than I would have liked but otherwise relatively uneventful.

That was until I met the first creature who did not immediately try to kill me the moment they saw me. Zecora.

“Wait, Zecora?!” Twilight shouted.

“Is there an echo in here?” I asked incredulously, a hand to my ear.

“I don't believe so, no,” Luna answered.

“Hold on, that means you did get help from Ponyville!” Twilight declared.

“Last I checked, her hut does not, in fact, count as part of Ponyville,” I replied.

Twilight frowned. “Okay, fair. She technically lives in the Everfree.”

“Can I get back to my story? Or are we going to argue semantics for the next twenty minutes?” I shot back.

“No, continue,” Twilight somewhat bitterly pressed.

“Right, so as I was saying,” I muttered.

I was crouched low in a bush somewhere, a newly crafted spear in my grip and a slowly burning hunger sitting in the pit of my belly. In front of me was some kind of overgrown lizard and despite what you may think I wasn't actually hunting the thing. The creature was long and seemed to spend most of its time in the upper tree tops, basking in the light.

It reminded me of a sloth only obviously reptilian in nature, and with a longer tail that it seemed to use to swat insects. This seemed to make up most of its diet, though how the odd fly or mosquito was enough to sustain it was beyond me. As I pondered the nutritional value of such an odd beast I heard a sharp crack from somewhere behind me.

Spinning around in place, I expected to find some manner of monster on my tail but found nothing. It was then that I realized that the sound had come from much further away and that it was likely echoing throughout the forest. It was also like a tree getting felled, which meant in my mind at least, that there was someone out here cutting down trees.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I took off in that direction, my spear limp in my grip. I didn't make it far before I heard another sharp crack followed by the insectoid shuffling of some many-limbed creature. I began to wonder if someone was in danger, so I picked up the pace, raising my spear up and preparing for a fight.

Sure enough, I found two creatures duking it out in a washed-out gully filled a quarter way up with murky brown water. Zecora was on one side, while a gigantic furry spider with black flesh and long golden hairs was on the other. Only a barrier of fallen trees and the frequent jabs of the zebra’s long staff kept the creature at bay, at least for the moment anyway.

I immediately leaped into action, taking my spear in both hands and sizing up the giant spider. It was nearly as big as me, and other than being covered in strange gold hairs, it didn't seem too weird. So I decided to strike quickly, utilizing the height advantage to sneak up on the creature from above without it hearing me.

I probably didn't need to sneak at that point, as Zecora had its full attention but I wanted to deliver an attack strong enough to fell the creature in a single strike. To that end I grabbed the spear and lifted it above my head, pointy bit pointing down. I then got a running start, and leaped as high up as possible, driving my spear down into its center of mass with all my strength.

I’d like to say that some kind of epic struggle ensued but the strength and weight of the strike had nearly slain it outright. The eight-legged freak rose up and tried to throw me off, but its movements were sluggish, as most of its limbs were broken. I had also buried the spear a foot deep into the monster’s midsection so it was likely already as good as dead and simply didn't know it.

Sure enough, all I had to do was ride out a couple of attempts to toss me off before it fell lifeless to the ground. With victory assured, I hopped off the creature, only to wince when I realized that several of its hairs had gotten stuck in my skin. I ignored them for the moment, and walked over to the zebra, extending a hand in an offer of assistance.

She said something I couldn't understand but kept her stick raised, so I got the implication anyway. I smiled and laid down my spear before presenting my hand again. This seemed to do the trick, as she looked up at me not with fear but confusion, and finally dawning realization.

She said some more stuff, but I was starting to feel woozy. I picked out a few of the prickly hairs while Zecora talked at me some more but by then the whole world was spinning. I tried to ask her about the spider thing but I was slurring so bad that even if she spoke Abyssal she probably wouldn't be able to tell what I said.

Zecora stepped forward, and kept talking, her voice growing more and more concerned. I tried to figure out what was being said, but it was about then that the hallucinations began and Zecora’s stripes started twisting around. With the zebra’s flesh becoming a lava lamp of weird shapes, and dozens of weird bipedal sprites emerging from the forest I knew something was wrong.

I tried to tell Zecora as much but I started giggling and couldn't stop. Well, at least not voluntarily as I promptly passed out face down in the brackish water about a second later.

I woke up a day later in Zecora’s hut, the zebra having given me some medicine to help stave off the worst of the toxins. She seemed surprised when I woke up, and I learned later that even a single one of these hairs is lethal to most equines. She had apparently picked about two dozen out of my butt though thankfully only a few managed to get through my shitty rabit leather pants.

I was still too weak to move, so we talked, going through the motions of trying to figure out what the other was saying. In the end, she taught me a few gestures that I learned were a form of sign language for people with hooves. It wasn't too difficult, as it was basically just Morse code with stomping, with a few gestures mixed into it.

We chatted, and she told me that she thought I was going to kill her right up until I placed my spear on the ground. So apparently panic induced murderous rage is not just a pony thing, as zebras have that same psychotic instinct. I’d have written a whole treatise about how easily you guys panic, and how quick you people are to resort to extreme violence but I didn't have any paper at the time.

So I spent my time learning a bit more about the Everfree and its many dangers from Zecora. By the end of it, we were fast friends, though even then she was still nervous and standoffish around me. I found out that this was due to her tribe in specific having once been demon worshippers, and receiving many lessons about quote unqoute ‘my kind’.

I wasn't thrilled with her prejudice but could understand where she was coming from so I let her be. We met up a few times after that, but things were strained and I decided to break things off sooner rather than later. It was sad, but necessary in my opinion, as I could tell she was struggling to even be in my presence.

“And yeah, that was basically the first few months, give or take a week or two,” I concluded. “I may have left out some minor details, but that's the long and short of it.”

“You took down a bristle back,” Luna remarked with a whistle. “That's quite the feat, as is surviving its venom.”

“I think technically it's toxin, but that's not relevant,” Twilight corrected.

“Yes, well. I am glad to hear you made a friend, even if things didn't end well between you two,” Luna added.

“Yeah, it could have gone worse. I got someone to chat with every once and a while, plus I didn't die! So, bonus,” I exclaimed.

“All your talk of hunting does make a few other things make sense,” Twilight began, the mare stroking her chin with a hoof. “Fluttershy got a flood of animals seeking shelter in her cottage at about that time.”

“Oh right, the druid,” I declared, snapping my fingers. “I almost forgot about her.”

“She isn't a druid,” Twilight deadpanned.

“She has a mystical connection with animals, and the magical abilities to speak to them. That's a druid,” I retorted.

“That's not…” Twilight groaned. “That’s not relevant.”

“I am amazed at how hearty you are. You must be possessed of considerable fortitude,” Luna praised.

“Hey, thanks. Constitution is one of my higher scores and gnolls are already pretty hardy,” I replied, grinning slightly.

“I think we should focus a bit more on the eating animals raw thing. I feel like we should test you for worms, or something,” Twilight added.

“I’m fine. Gnolls are possessed of the same digestive system as hyenas and they can eat excrement if they want without getting sick,” I remarked, only to chuckle. “I haven't sunk that low as far as I know, but that also includes bones, and stuff too.”

“Fascinating,” Luna murmured. “You must tell us more about these… hyenas of yours.”

“You guys have a version of them called the cackling cat, but they seem like an ancestor to the hyenas I know from my world,” I paused and scratched my head. “Or at least I think so. Evolution is a complicated topic I can only half remember to begin with so don't quote me on that.”

“I don't have any more questions, what about you Twilight?” Luna asked.

“Um, nothing really. I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind we not serve you any meat while you're here,” Twilight offered.

I shrugged. “Like I think I mentioned before, if I could get away without requiring animal protein I absolutely would but that's just not something I can really quit.”

“So, like, every few days, or…” Twilight pressed.

“A meat dish once every week or two seems to be the lowest I can go before I start chewing on my fingers in my sleep,” I replied with a chuckle. “Learned that one the hard way.”

“Wait, hold on,” Luna exclaimed. “You should tell us more about this hunger you talked about it. You said it felt like a compulsion of some kind.”

I winced. “Yeah I think it comes with being a gnoll but it isn't h-too terribly hard to fend off provided I’m not starving.”

“So you could snap, and eat someone at any time?” Twilight pressed.

“It's probably about as likely as either of you snapping and killing me with magic,” I shot back. “Unless your twice the psychopath your brother is, in which case all bets are off.”

Twilight growled through her teeth and stood up suddenly. “This interview is over. We will reconvene in the morning.”

With a flash of magic, the orb in the center of the table grew dull, and the zone of truth was dispelled. Without it, I felt an immense wave of relief wash over me, along with a bit of flatulence, but I kept that to myself for the moment.

“Alrighty then. Feel free to stop by whenever. I probably shouldn't be busy but I was thinking about staring at the wall for a few hours at about mid-day so make sure to call ahead,” I remarked.

Twilight snorted derisively before stomping off, leaving me alone with Luna. The dark-furred alicorn escorted me over to my cell, dismissed the bars, and somewhat roughly pushed me inside. I immediately spun around, intent on demanding an answer as to why she had been rude but was stopped by a cold glare leveled my way.

“Twilight is doing her best to give you a fair trial,” Luna began. “I expect that come the morrow you will be more vocal in your thanks for her intervention.”

I winced and rubbed the back of my head with a clawed hand. “Hey sorry about that. Being a snide jerk is how I deal with stress and nearly getting killed by Shining Armor for the billionth time was not exactly a fun time today.”

“Even still, that is not an excuse to take it out on Twilight. You are already asking a lot of her,” Luna continued.

“I know, I know,” I muttered. “I’ll reign it back tomorrow.”

“And,” Luna prompted.

“And I’ll apologize for being a jerk to her,” I murmured bitterly. “You're a much better interrogator than Twilight by the way. One disappointed look from you is enough to make me feel like crap.”

“It comes with experience,” Luna declared. “Nothing quite gets someone talk like a little well-applied guilt.”

“Would you mind guilting Shining Armor into being less of a jerk? I feel like that would benefit all three of us,” I asked in a half-joking manner.

“I will see,” Luna stated.

The alicorn then trotted off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My unpleasant, guilty thoughts.

Author's Note

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Alignment System

I awoke with a start, my sense of danger making me aware of the fact that someone was watching me. Jerking upright in the bed, my hand nearly went to my boob knife, but I stopped myself before grabbing it. Focusing on looking for the individual who was spying on me, I found that Twilight was standing on the other side of the bars.

The alicorn seemed somewhat frazzled, with her hair being a bit of a mess and her eyes both slightly bloodshot. Clearly, she hadn't slept much, and from the smell of her, she hadn't showered yet today either. I was about to remark that she looked a little worse for wear when I noticed that the sun hadn't even risen yet.

“A bit early to start the interrogation don't you think?” I asked while rubbing my head.

“Luna said you had something to say to me, and I didn't want to wait until breakfast before I heard it,” Twilight replied. “So, out with it.”

I sighed. “Alright well, I just wanted to apologize. I’ve been busting your balls a bit too much and I wanted to say that I was sorry and that I’ll try to be a bit nicer in the future.”

Twilight just blinked in disbelief.

I waited for her brain to catch up with what she had just heard but when no words came out of her open mouth I started to get worried. Rising up from the bed, I strode over to the bars and prodded the alicorn in the forehead. That seemed to get her attention, and she nearly jumped out of her skin before shooting me a glare.

“I was thinking!” she muttered.

“Sorry. Thought you were having an aneurysm or something. Didn't want my lifeline dying on me unexpectedly,” I replied with a shrug, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms. “So, what were you thinking about?”

“Just how much of what I know is wrong,” Twilight remarked. “Every time I spoke to Shining Armor he told me of some other crime you had committed or horrific deed you had perpetrated.”

“Your brother’s loony tunes, dude,” I replied.

“I’m starting to agree with you on that,” Twilight murmured, mostly to herself. “I had never really questioned it as I heard a first-hand account of the horror spread by demons and their followers during Discord’s reign.”

“How many times do I have to tell you guys that I’m not a demon?” I whined.

“I know that now,” Twilight admitted. “The truth spell allows its caster to know the temperament or perhaps disposition of every individual who connects to it and though ornery at times you never strayed anywhere near the evil of a demon.”

“Like a know alignment spell,” I remarked.

“Alignment?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah it's kind of a holdover from the older systems, but it's like this see?” I began, walking over to the bathroom and drawing a quick three-by-three square on the mirror with my finger. “We all exist on two axis, good and evil, as well as lawful and chaotic.”

“That seems a bit oversimplified,” Twilight pointed out.

“Yeah it's not exactly great for nuance, but it is generally pretty good. Now,” I turned back around. “Lawful good means you respect authority, and generally do what you can to help others. Lawful neutral means you may respect order and tradition but the actual law is not something you hold very highly. Lawful evil would mean you generally use the system to your advantage.”

“Like a corrupt politician or something,” Twilight pointed.

“Exactly. They don't break the law, but they know how to skirt it well, and maybe even use it to harm others if applied in a manner it may not have been intended to be applied,” I continued.

“Huh. I know a few ponies who would fit that category but I wouldn't call them evil,” Twilight replied.

“Evil is a spectrum. Yes, puppy kicking and selling his mother for a beer-level evil exists but so to does the person who would never lift a finger to help another and only ever seems to care about themself,” I retorted.

Twilight seemed deep in thought but was still listening so I took that as my cue to continue.

“The neutral axis exists between the polar extremes,” I pressed on, tapping another of the squares. “Neutral good may help others but they don't really care about the rules. Like, for example, if there are laws against feeding the homeless they will happily break them.”

“Can't believe that ordnance was ever on the books,” Twilight muttered to herself.

“True neutral seeks balance in all things, while neutral evil is self-serving and almost recklessly selfish,” I explained. “They don't care about rules, laws, or anything only themselves.”

“I’m starting to see how this would be a decent axis of understanding a person’s moral leanings,” Twilight admitted.

“Which leads us to the last axis, the chaotic one,” I began, tapping the glass. “You may equate chaos with evil and though taken to its extreme it can be, it is also freedom in its purest form.”

“Celestia taught me something similar,” Twilight piped up. “Order in the extreme is stagnation and death, and chaos in the extreme is a complete destruction of society and even self depending on which philosopher you listen to.”

“Huh, never thought about it like that,” I murmured, pausing to shake my head. “Anyway, chaotic good would value freedom but doesn't like it when authority intervenes and is as the name implies, generally good. Chaotic neutral is an individualist in the purest sense of the word. Then finally chaotic evil. They have no regard for anyone, and are individualist in the same way your high school bully is.”

“A sort of might makes right type,” Twilight added.

I nodded. “Exactly, and when I started the game I had chosen chaotic good, I think. Though my alignment may have shifted since then.”

“Well it certainly felt good, so I’d agree you were right on that one,” Twilight agreed.

“Anyway, I’d put you more as lawful good, while Luna is a neutral good, and your brother lawful evil or if I’m being overly charitable at most lawful neutral,” I continued.

“Hmm,” Twilight hummed to herself.

“But that's just my take on things,” I exclaimed, plopping back onto the bed with a thunk.

“You have given me much to think about,” Twilight murmured.

“So… Is there anything else you need?” I asked. “Cus I was kinda hoping to get a bit more sleep.”

“Yeah, that's fine. I’ll speak to you again later,” Twilight whispered, half to herself, half to me.

The alicorn then wandered off, still deep in thought and clearly distracted. As she walked away, I plopped back down into my bed and watched the mare leave. Rolling over, I was intent on falling back asleep but was unsure if I actually would be able to do so.

I was surprised to wake up several hours later, having evidently fallen asleep rather suddenly. Despite my slumber being interrupted I felt rested and very aware for lack of a better word. There was none of the grogginess that came with waking up most days, and I noted that my hair wasn't even that disheveled.

Standing up, I walked over to the bathroom and glanced at my reflection. Sure enough, I was still a gnoll, but I at least didn't look like a bedraggled gnoll. It took only a few short minutes to take my morning piss, clean up my appearance slightly and take a drink. I was about to get ready for more questions when I glanced out the window and noticed that it was still fairly early in the morning.

“About seven thirty I’d say,” I muttered to myself.

I didn't think that the ponies would be ready to start things that early so I went back, stripped off my armor, and had a shower. This took nearly two hours what with how long the stripping, and washing all the shaggy fur of mine took. Plus it was hella awkward as although the shower was taller than most, ponies still built it so it was too short for me. Either way, it was functional and by the end of it I was able to clean everything and don my armor right before I heard company approach.

This time it was both Twilight as well as Luna who had deigned to grace me with their presence. Twilight was much more put together this time and from the look of her had probably got some sleep. From the smell of her, she too had a shower, which was nice as a gnoll’s nose is really sensitive, and smelly horse was pungent.

“Good morning Fareeah,” Luna greeted.

“Morning you two,” I replied languidly.

“I heard you had a good talk last night, or should I say earlier today,” Luna offered.

I nodded. “I think so, what about you Twilight?”

“Quite,” Twilight replied simply.

“Then we shall proceed to the questions after you have had a chance to eat,” Luna stated.

The bars were banished, and I was allowed out into the more open basement area. There I stretched out as far as I was able, causing a great number of cracks to resound from my back.

“Ahh much better,” I muttered. “You’re accommodations aren't bad but your bed could use some work.”

“It does seem as though it requires some extra support, as well as a few more inches on its end,” Luna remarked while glancing past me.

“I’ll go into town and find something more suitable for you later today,” Twilight offered.

“Thanks. I may have gotten used to sleeping on the floor for a while there but I’d rather not have to do so again,” I murmured. “So, food?”

I glanced over to find that a guard was waiting with a plate already in hoof.

“Hey thanks, bud,” I exclaimed.

Before I could reach for the food he pulled it back.

“I would like to apologize both on a personal level as well as part of manacle squad,” he began.

I looked a little closer and realized that it was the slightly feminine stallion that led the squad that was speaking.

“Eh, it's no worries,” I dismissed. “In the end, you did the right thing and that's what matters.”

He didn't seem to accept this response but gave me my meal anyway. Which happened to be of two bagels and a side of sunny-side-up eggs. Overhard may have been the perfect method to cook such a delicacy, but I wasn't about to complain and immediately bit into one of the bread circles.

“Sho, how was yer nights?” I asked.

“Don't talk with your mouth full,” Twilight retorted.

I just rolled my eyes and sat down at the table. My companions were quick to join me.

“I slept soundly at the local inn,” Luna declared. “The dream realm was especially quiet so I was granted a rare moment of relaxation.”

“Really? I thought it would have been a hotbed of nightmares given all the activity in town,” I remarked before tossing the last of the first bagel into my mouth.

“Ponyville is a town used to chaos. I doubt even your arrival has shaken many of its residents,” Twilight replied.

I shrugged. “Fair enough I suppose. You ponies are a particularly panicky bunch though.”

“Ponies flight response is triggered a bit more than in other species, but thankfully it is quickly quelled,” Luna answered.

I nodded along while I continued to eat, noting that it was very dry, grainy, and dense but still good. It felt like a step beyond whole wheat and could use more flavor than just the bit of butter they had added. The eggs were also fairly bland, sporting only a slight dusting of salt and pepper, but again I didn't complain as it wasn't all that bad, given everything.

“Right,” I began. “Where do we go from here?”

“We get the spells started- and hold on a second,” Twilight muttered, magically picking up the crystal ball that was at the center of the table. “We’re gonna need a new one. It seems as if this one is full already.”

“That is strange, I thought you said they could contain far more information,” Luna replied.

“I thought so too,” Twilight muttered. “I’ll go get another one.”

The young alicorn then stood up and hastily trotted out of the room, leaving me alone with Luna. For a moment I wondered what, if anything, we should talk about only for a certain line to pop into my mind.

“So,” I began, leaning forward. “Do you know what Nightmare Moon meant when she said quote, Fools! It matters not if I am defeated, for there is no escaping the god of destruction. I had hoped to toughen this world up for his arrival, but it seems like you all shall be lambs to the slaughter!”

“I… I don't know,” Luna murmured.

My eyes narrowed. “You don't know anything about that?”

“Well, there are things we can assume,” Luna began. “One is that Nightmare Moon knew of Yeenoghu’s coming and in her own twisted way was attempting to ensure the world was not destroyed.”

“Seems like you’re defending her,” I pointed out.

“No, of course not. I would never,” Luna hastily replied.

I shrugged. “Hey, it's not an indefensible point to make. He seems to be coming and uniting the world beneath one iron fist, or in this case, hoof would be effective at resisting him. It wouldn't be a completely morally correct way of defeating the god of slaughter but it would be effective.”

“I uh yes, I suppose it would,” Luna awkwardly remarked. “Though it is easy to justify all manner of cruelty when you are weighing your actions against the literal destruction of the world.”

“True, easy to fall down a slippery slope of justifications until you’re almost worse,” I replied.

“Yes, of course,” Luna agreed a little too easily.

“So,” I continued. “Nightmare Moon is dead then, right?”

“Yes,” Luna stated firmly, so firmly in fact that I couldn't help but feel as though her response was rehearsed.

“A shame, she seems like a prime target for Twilight and the gang to give a second chance to considering her goals were noble even if her methods may not have been the best,” I added.

“No, she was evil, and it’s good that she's gone forever,” Luna declared, though her statement lacked the oomph of certainty, even the fake certainty, of earlier.

I shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “Fair enough.”

We sat in awkward silence for the next minute or so waiting for Twilight's return. I did my best to exude cold confidence while Luna seemed distant, her gaze unfocused.

“Found it,” Twilight exclaimed.

The alicorn then glided down the steps and placed the new crystal on the table.

“Spike moved my supply box to make room for more of his comic books,” Twilight explained.

“Alright, now then. Where should we start?” I offered.

Twilight lit her horn. “With the spells of course. Just give me a minute to-”

The door to the top of the basement suddenly flung open, cutting Twilight off for a second time. There standing in the archway was a figure I knew from second-hand accounts but had never seen before in my life. Cadance, the alicorn of love, and the supposed partner of my would-be killer was there, glaring down at me.

With her wings spread, and her features drawn into tight lines of anger, she seemed ready to strangle me. Despite this fact, her makeup was immaculate, subtle, yet more pronounced than either Luna or Twilight used in their day-to-day life. Cadance also had more generous proportions, with her hips being wider, her legs a bit more shapely and her lips having an unmistakable kissable quality to them. All at once I understood why Shining Armor had so fervently desired her and spoke so highly of the mare.

And for once I couldn't help but agree with the stallion.

“You,” she proclaimed, jabbing a hoof at me.

“Me?” I asked, also pointing an appendage at my chest.

“What is going on here? Shining Armor told me that the prisoner would have been shipped off to Tartarus by now,” Cadance declared while stomping adorably down the stairs.

She was just so pudgy and adorable that even as her steps threatened to crack the wood I couldn't find her the least bit intimidating. It was simply too cute, like a supermodel stomping around and trying to show off while being the hottest one in the room. Even the crackling magic that sparked at the tip of her horn couldn't make me scared of her, though I wasn't sure why.

“The investigation is ongoing,” Luna proclaimed. “Charges have not been filed, and no verdict has been handed down.”

“And why not? I thought we as princesses could hand down such sentences without requiring the courts,” Cadance pressed on, standing next to Twilight.

“I mean yeah but that's immoral, especially given how much new information we’ve uncovered,” Twilight pressed.

“Like how hot you are. I didn't know that before, and now I do!” I exclaimed.

“I uh…” Cadance blinked, her angry tirade derailed by my sudden compliment. “What new information?”

“Twilight would you mind informing Cadance of the events of the last forty-eight hours, as well as what Fareeah here has informed us of?” Luna asked.

“Sure,” Twilight replied, turning to Luna and clearing her throat. “Okay, so it all starts with-”

As Twilight explained, I stared off into space, or more accurately I stared off at Cadance. I couldn't help but imagine how I could win her over, or if such a thing was even possible. I was fairly certain she was like, cosmicly destined to marry Shining Armor, but that guy was a dick. It was at about this point of my idle musings that I realized just how entranced I had become with the alicorn of love.

As I grappled with my very sudden crush, I recalled a part of my backstory that I hadn't thought important. Fareeah followed the goddess of love, though, in the original game, she had a different name than Cadance. Still, from what little I could recall, I had indeed written down this mystery goddess of love as my primary deity.

Was I only feeling this way because of my character? Were these feelings not real, or did I just seriously develop a huge crush on the girlfriend of the guy who has tried to kill me a dozen times? As I tried to square that circle, the conversation winded down, and Cadance looked far more confused than before.

“This is all a bit much to take in,” Cadance muttered. “Shining Armor may have become a bit more forceful recently but this seems out of character, even for him.”

“If you want, we could show you the recordings, or turn on the truth spell in order to assure you of the story’s validity,” Luna offered.

“No, that's fine,” Cadance replied. “I trust you two.”

“I’m going to assume you were lumping me and Twilight together,” I exclaimed, with a wink.

“I most certainly was not,” Cadance retorted.

Luna cleared her throat. “More importantly, what are you doing here? I thought you had urgent business in Canterlot. Something about assisting Celestia with the recent negotiations.”

“I left after I heard about this whole debacle not being wrapped up immediately,” Cadance explained. “Though I see why that wasn't the case.”

“Your boy toy has yet to commit the extrajudicial murder he so craves, but I’m sure he’ll try again soon,” I declared. “If you stick around I’m sure you’ll get front-row seats to my unjustifiable execution. Make sure not to sit too close, wouldn't want to get hit with the splash.”

“He wouldn't… I…” Cadance frowned. “I need time to think.”

“Take all the time you need,” Twilight offered.

“And I’d advise against talking to your boyfriend. He seems to have a few screws loose,” I added.

“He's not my boyfriend. We’re on a break,” Cadance exclaimed. “But that doesn't matter. I have to go. I’m sure Celestia is wondering why I left so suddenly.”

“Will you be returning anytime soon?” Luna asked.

“I’ll return once I’ve had a chance to explain the situation to Celestia,” Cadance answered.

“I suppose I’ll see you soon then,” Twilight added.

“See you later, gorgeous,” I complimented.

Cadance looked at me with a strange, confused expression before teleporting away with a pop.

“Gorgeous? Really?” Luna demanded, turning to me.

“What? It's the best I could come up with, besides she’s totally hot and you know it,” I retorted.

Luna seemed ready to agree, if reluctantly but Twilight was not having it.

“Can we please talk about something else?” Twilight pleaded.

“I suppose we could get back to the interview,” I offered. “Though I wouldn't mind staying on the topic of how hot Cadance is for another minute or so.”

“No, absolutely not,” Twilight intruded. “Now, just wait a moment while I-”

The door to the basement burst open and a new figure appeared, one that I had met before.

“Where is my girlfriend?” Demanded Shining Armor.

Twilight stood suddenly, a vein on her head bulging to the point that I thought it might burst. “We are trying to conduct an investigation here and you are not helping matters!” Twilight shouted.

“Also, I thought you two were on a break,” Luna added in a much calmer tone.

“It's just a hiccup, but that doesn't matter. Where is she?” Shining Armor pressed.

“Gone! As you should be too!” Twilight proclaimed.

Shining Armor opened his mouth to respond but was teleported away by Twilight before he could say anything. The young alicorn then sat down rather forcibly and lit her horn once more.

“Now then, unless there are any other distractions, sudden arrivals, or other such nonsense I would like to get started,” Twilight yelled.

“Go right ahead Twilight,” Luna offered.

I leaned back in my chair. “Yeah, whenever you’re ready dude.”

Twilight cast the zone of truth spell, the recording spell in quick succession. Once the magic was in place, she seemed to have blown off a majority of the steam, the vein on her head shrinking.

“Now. Perhaps we can get to the next thing of note which occurred to you after your first few weeks here in Equestria,” Twilight offered.

“Yes, I am most intrigued to hear about how all of your adventures fit together with Shining Armor’s reports,” Luna added.

“Hmm, where to start?” I muttered. “Oh I know, I’ll talk about how I saved a bunch of bandits from certain doom!”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

Random Encounter

“Bandits? You mean the cohort of ponies you call a tribe began life as brigands?” Luna questioned.

“I mean, I guess. But if it makes you feel any better they paid their due to society, and are really bad at stealing stuff,” I paused. “Or were really bad at it as I knocked some sense into them and now they are great thieves.”

“Do go into greater detail. I would very much like to hear how this came about,” Twilight encouraged.

I cleared my throat and leaned back in the chair. “Right, well it all began when-”

I was walking back from Zecora’s, arms laden with supplies, and newly acquired goods. The rare ingredients I had sought out for her were evidently worth a fair amount as I had a few choice items with me. The most important of which was the several glass containers full of dried food that had been prepared in advance for me.

Canned goods like that were perfect as although I was capable of eating pretty much anything I still had a sense of taste. Thus I was not interested in eating bark, droppings, rotten meat, or long-forgotten bones. The bone thing isn't as bad as you might think though. Boil off the meat, and rinse it off a bit and it's a bit like a really hard candy.

Anyway, the rest of the stuff was less tasty though no less interesting. Starting with a backpack (sized for a gnoll), some candles, a rope, a grappling hook, some hunting traps, and a magnifying glass. She had also thrown in a knife that was apparently designed for harvesting mushrooms though I didn't end up getting much use out of it. Cool little hooked blade and grip though, so it was at least aesthetically pleasing. Oh and I almost forgot, there was a small hatchet that promised to finally end the absolute pain that was harvesting wood without an axe.

After stuffing it all into a bag, I headed in the direction of home. With my spear now doubling as a walking stick, and my knowledge of the forest considerable, I made the trek in only an hour. Once there, I looked around and couldn't help but frown.

My home was little more than a small cave that was just barely visible due to all the large bushes that grew on either side of the entrance. Yes, there was fresh water nearby, but it wasn't a protected space, nor was there much room to expand. I would need to locate a more defensible area somewhere else before I could with pride in my voice declare it my domicile.

I was about to head inside and begin unpacking when I noticed strange tracks, ones that I had never seen before. They were large, but also chaotic for lack of a better word, resembling a twisted mass of appendages rather than distinct feet or hooves. Following them back to their source I noticed that a nearby tree had uprooted itself, and seemingly walked off.

There were no other prints around save for the ones I had left hours earlier so I surmised that this was either a weird timberwolf or a tree had come to life and wandered off. I can see that look on your face Twilight, and we’ll get to the creature in question when we get to it, don't ruin the flow of the story.

Right, where was I? Oh yes, so with my curiosity piqued, I followed after the weird prints, heading deeper into the woods than I was used to. Soon the evening sky was swallowed by the canopy, and the underbrush closed in all around me. Or at least it tried to, as the thing I was following had carved a swath through the greenery with little care to subtlety.

I continued to track it for well over an hour before I started to get bored and considered abandoning the chase. Thankfully for this story, and the ponies I was about to meet, I heard rustling from up ahead, rustling followed by a shout. My interest spiked, and I headed off at a quicker pace, picking up my spear as I moved.

Rounding the bend I saw what looked to be a primitive camp set up deep into the woods. Though little more than a couple tents around a fire, it was still an impressive sight but that was mostly due to the location itself. Set within a small valley surrounded on three sides by steep ridges that went up nearly a hundred feet, it was very defensible. There were even a few caves in the walls and a stream that trickled down the side and pooled in a shallow pond on the right-hand side of the area.

It was perfect. The only problem was the half dozen ponies fighting an animated tree in the middle. That threw off the whole feng shui of the place, so I had to figure that out before I started moving in.

Before I leaped in to help them I took stock of the ponies and their general appearance. My first thought was that they were explorers, or perhaps lost hikers but they were too well-armed for that. They had swords, hammers, or other weapons as well as some clothes or armor, though it was mostly pretty primitive looking.

Starting from right to left, there was a pony whom I would later come to know as simply Tiny. For the record he was anything but, easily being the largest pony I had seen up until that point in my life. Though not nearly as big as me, he seemed to know how to use a quarterstaff with remarkable skill despite the fact that he was an earth pony and used only his hooves.

He wore nothing save for a leather cap atop his head as well as a set of what looked to be hiking boots. This left his brown fur, shortly cropped black mane, and tail visible to all, as well as his cutie mark. Which, rather unsurprisingly, had a quarterstaff on it, though it was sticking out of a river for some reason. The symbolism was lost on me, though I could tell that he was clearly adept with the weapon as he was the main focus of the angry tree creature.

Next to him was a lass so young I thought she was a child, though she had a cutie mark at least. One that depicted a mill stone set up like the kind you would use to grind wheat or the like. Her name was Ivory Mill, which was fitting as she had white fur, a purple mane, and tail, as well as bright teal eyes. The pegasus had a hammer in each hoof and wore studded leather armor a size too big for her over the front half of her form.

Next to her, was what I assumed at first to be a mare, though it turned out they were a he, but that's a story for later. What was most important was the fact that he wore a shiny breastplate, and wielded a pair of longswords in his magical grasp. Though he danced around the wooden creature with grace and skill, he didn't seem to have the power to really damage the thing. He wasn't hard on the eyes though, as his red fur contrasted well with his white mane and tail, as well as his orange eyes.

The male next to him was doing a little bit of a better job, as he had an axe with him, though he was quickly knocked a good distance by a branch to the face. As he lay on the ground, dazed and confused I noticed that he was clearly the eldest of the bunch. Older than his fellows by a good few years he seemed to me to be about in his fifties. That didn't slow him down though, as he quickly stumbled into a stand, shook the soot-colored mop of hair atop his head and got back to it. As he charged back in I noted that he had grey fur, dark almost black eyes, and a cutie mark of a bear trap. He also wore the only suit of studded leather armor that was actually sized properly.

Oh, and his name is Bronze Back, forgot to mention that, but you should just call him B.B. He hates that.

Anyway, there were two others, with the most notable of whom was the fully armored metal mare I would soon know to be Steel Shod. For the moment the only thing visible on her was her bright purple eyes, as well as a bit of grey fur that could be seen through the grille of her helmet. Equipped in heavy metal armor that didn't seem to slow her down, she kicked, punched, and otherwise tackled the tree. She had no weapon and didn't desire to use one either as she just kept attacking the thing with her hooves.

The last and only pony not currently involved in the scrap was a mare by the name of Merry Mead. Wearing a brown cloak, and holding a wooden spoon, she stood off to the side, yelling encouragement but not entering the fray herself. She was large, and though muscled, her body was mostly fat by the look of it. Eventually, I would discover that she had a cutie mark of a drop of honey falling into a frothy glass mug. I would also find out that she made the best mead I had ever tasted, in this life or the previous one but that would come later.

After giving them a quick visual inspection I deduced that they were likely vagabonds or some other brand of troublemaker. This didn't concern me much, as they all kinda sucked at fighting, as evidenced by the fact that they were losing, and badly. They didn't have any kind of coordination, and frequently got in one another's way, resulting in them racking up a few injuries.

Nothing serious mind you, but it was clear that they weren't about to win unless they changed tactics or got help. I was going to grant said assistance, but I couldn't help but wonder what I would do with them after I rendered aid. Things had worked out with Zecora, but these six might be a completely different story compared to the kindhearted zebra. They also had the means to fight back should they think my intentions were foul, but I was less than intimidated. As by then I had a rather large knife, a hatchet, fairly complete if still patchwork, armor, and far more combat ability than they evidently had.

My weighing of the pros and cons was interrupted when I noticed that the willow tree they had been fighting had gained an advantage. Driving relentlessly towards the quarterstaff-wielding stallion, it had cornered him against the wall and was really laying into him. The many, long whip-like appendages were cutting into his flesh and forcing him to desperately defend himself against the many attacks.

His allies were moving to help him, but none were capable of doing enough to really distract the tree. Which made sense as it was fairly large, though not quite full size, it wasn't a sapling either. Regardless, it was intent on slaying the stallion, and I couldn't in good conscious watch the poor bugger get whipped to death while I could help matters.

So I strode forward, dropping my bag, as well as my spear, and hefting the hatchet that I had acquired only an hour or so earlier. I added a second weapon to my arsenal when I plucked it out of the stunned hooves of the eldest of their group. He was the first to notice me, though it didn't seem as though he believed his eyes as he just stood there, mid-swing, staring at me.

After grabbing his weapon he seemed to realize the situation he was in and backed up. He seemed ready to run, but when I moved directly toward the tree and not toward either him or his allies he seemed to think twice. Clearly, I had confused him enough that he was at least open to the possibility of me assisting his associate as he remained close by despite being unarmed.

The rest of his allies gave me a wide berth while still trying to help their friend. An effort made easier when I stepped into the fray, and swung both axes, and struck the tree monster on either side of its body. The sudden sensation of having about eight inches of steel buried in it was enough to make the tree pause. Which in turn was just enough of a distraction that the plate mail armored mare was able to step in front of her injured ally, allowing him to slip away.

The tree didn't care about them though, as I was easily the largest threat currently present. As it turned on me, I wrenched the axes out and struck the same spots a second time, then a third. I was about to go for a fourth when it faced me fully and attempted to strike me with its many whip-like limbs.

I was made of sterner stuff then the ponies though, with a hide thicker then the armor half the ponies wore, and made even tougher with a few added layers. Though a few struck parts of me not armored, I just shrugged it off and kept on hitting it with my axes. For a few seconds we simply stood there, trading blows with neither making an attempt to dodge or avoid the other’s attacks.

Then it seemed to realize that I was tougher than it, as though I had managed to hack a good few inches into its body it had done nothing to me. Sure I had a few new bruises, and scratches, but it was nothing that I couldn't simply shake off or ignore. This was in contrast to the tree which had two deep chunks cut out of its body.

It was outmatched, though it had just barely enough sense to switch its tactics at least. It did so by attempting to grapple me, using its larger, thicker limbs to grab at my midsection. This was about as predictable as you could get though, so I had more than enough time to step back out of its reach.

While the dumb plant thing was still coming to grips with the fact that it had failed, I brought both axes down on its side. Striking at the same already injured section, I was able to chop out a small section of wood that fell to the ground. The exposed interior bled a sort of black tar that smelled like rotting meat, a strange turn but one that didn't concern me.

What did concern me was the fact that it was still trying to kill me by grabbing me and presumably crushing the life out of me. Its body was large, its limbs heavy, and its attacks incredibly predictable, thus easy to avoid. Dodging and weaving from right to left, to back, and then low, I continually stayed one step ahead of the strange creature. All while hacking away at one side or the other, cutting deeper and deeper, black, brackish blood pooling about my feet.

It was at about this point the creature began to make a strange screaming noise though I couldn't tell from where the sound was coming. It had no visible mouth or other orifice slash appendages for that matter just branches for arms and tangled roots for legs. Still, it made a whistling cry that was unpleasant on the ears, though still not awful enough to make me stop. It left the ponies damn near crippled though, as I could see them rolling around on the ground covering their ears out of the corner of my eye.

I decided to help them by ending this abomination’s existence by chopping it clear in half and that's exactly what I did. Before that happened though it launched a desperate assault, using half of its limbs to whip me, while the other tried to grab at me. It made wide, sweeping, and obvious attacks in an attempt to make me dodge into its larger limbs which would be able to hold me.

Like everything it did, this was obvious and instead of taking the bait I simply let it hit me, taking its strikes without flinching. It had one last trick in its arsenal, however, namely running away, or at least trying to do so anyway. The thing was surprisingly quick, but there were few creatures that could outrun me, and a tree sure wasn't one of them.

As it trundled awkwardly in the direction of the forest, I continued to harry it with continued attacks. Deeper and deeper my axes went, until at long last it seemed to understand that its final tactic had failed. With that realization seemingly in mind, it turned on me and attacked one final time though this time it had no fury, only desperation.

By then I had nearly cut completely through the creature damaging it to the point that it could barely muster the effort to strike me. Sure it tried, but its weak attacks barely even hurt me. While on the other hand, my attacks landed with thunderous thumps, hacking off a new section with each impact.

The final strike cut the thing completely in half, its top section falling backward while its bottom stumbled around like a chicken with its head cut off. The two halves seemed to struggle to understand their situation, though, after a few seconds, they fell still. The limp hunks of formerly animated wood lay there, black ooze slowly gushing out of the enormous wound I had cut in it.

After several moments of staring at it, and expecting one final trick, I realized it was indeed dead. I also realized that I was deaf, if only temporarily, as the only thing I could hear was a loud ringing sound. I knew it was unlikely that I would permanently lose my hearing so I didn't stress this fact too much.

While digging earwax out of my one ear, I walked back over to where I had left the ponies. Who all stared up, wide-eyed at me when I appeared from the bush both alive and seemingly unhurt. Sure I had a bunch of new cuts and bruises, some of which looked worse than they were, but I was much better off than my former foe.

While they were still stunned, I chucked the axe at the hooves of its owner before sitting down on a large rock. Plunking down, I stuck my own hatchet into the mud, the handle sticking up still in easy reach. I then started to clean my injuries, picking the bits of dirt and whatnot that had gotten into them while I had been fighting.

A few feet away, the ponies were talking away, or at least I assumed so as I couldn't hear anything. Their mouths were moving, and they were making animated motions at one another so it was easy enough to figure out what was going on. Two camps quickly formed, each evidently arguing against the other on some issue that I was not privy to.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the singular non-combatant was approaching me, a wooden spoon still clutched before her. Her dark green eyes contained a deep terror that was only held back by a bravery that I couldn't help but find commendable. She made words at me, but obviously, I couldn't tell what she said for multiple reasons which should be obvious to you all.

I put a hand to my right ear and made a confused expression.

The pony seemed confused before her eyes lit up and she pointed back to the woody area where I had slain the creature. She then asked a question, as she made an exaggerated face to help drive home the point she was making.

I shrugged and made the same motion before remembering my lessons from Zecora. I wasn't sure if any of them understood horse sign language, but I tried anyway. To start with I apologized for not understanding her and informed her that I was indeed temporarily deafened.

She didn't know what I was saying, but one of her buddies did, thankfully.

The oldest one, who I had stolen the axe from earlier, perked up and stepped forward.

“You speak silent?” he asked, obviously not using his voice but rather his hooves.

I nodded and replied by asking if they were all okay.

After he translated our conversation, the argument that had begun earlier, ended. Evidently, the group that had been arguing to give me a chance won, though it left the armored pony a little annoyed. Ticked off or not, she remained nearby, watching me like a hawk while her friends stepped a little closer to me.

“Thank you for taking care of the Wraithroot,” he offered.

“Oh? So that's what its called?” I replied.

“You… didn't know?” he asked, seemingly baffled.

I shrugged. “It's not like it matters. You guys were in trouble and needed a hand. Simple as.”

That seemed to confuse him even more, and after a brief huddle, they seemed to figure out a plan of attack. What continued after that was nearly an hour of grilling me on a variety of topics before finally giving up and allowing me to hang out with them. In time I would go from someone they just barely tolerated to the leader of their little group but that would be much later.

“And yeah,” I remarked. “That is pretty much the long and short of that particular adventure. I saved some ex-bandits, directed them towards a more peaceful existence, and eventually became their leader.”

“Twilight, do you know anything of these highwaymen?” Luna inquired.

“I remember reading in the paper how a gang of ponies were hassling travelers outside of Appaloosa a few years ago but they got caught pretty quick,” Twilight exclaimed.

“It's actually a bit of a sad tale,” I began. “They were all really poor, and the road was at one point quite dangerous so they worked as guards for travelers. When the town grew, and a militia formed, they found themselves without any paying gigs. They knew the rich landowners by then and targeted them exclusively, avoiding the poor ponies.”

“Theft is still theft,” Twilight stated.

“Yeah but come on. It's a lot less bad when you’re stealing from ponies who aren't struggling and not hurting anyone in the process,” I retorted.

Twilight frowned, the expression turning into a wince of pain.

“Be that as it may,” Luna intruded. “I would like to hear more about your allies. They certainly sound like an eclectic bunch, each with their own story to tell.”

“I’d love to tell you more but it looks like Twilight's about to explode,” I replied, pointing across the table to Twilight.

“I uh, may require a break,” Twilight murmured before her eyes suddenly went wide. “In fact, I think I need one right now.”

Before either Luna or I could say anything, Twilight dispelled the truth sphere, the recording spell, and then teleported away.

“So uh, what now?” I asked.

“I am not sure. We had assigned the next hour for further questions,” Luna answered, pausing to think for a moment. “Would you like to join us for some tea? Perhaps we could discuss your associates in a more relaxed manner.”

“That's cool with me, so long as you got something fruity and sweet,” I replied.

“I believe Twilight has many such fruity, and sweet teas in her cupboards,” Luna stated.

The alicorn then stood and walked up the stairs. I followed behind her, barely even paying attention to my surroundings. Upon talking about my tribe members I couldn't help but worry about them.

It had been a while since I had left them for so long, and no doubt they were going to worry about me. Still, they were all adults and had been whipped into shape by yours truly so the worry was probably unfounded. Yet no matter how much logic, and reason I weighed against that concern, I couldn't help but imagine the worst.

“Bit for your thoughts,” Luna offered.

I blinked and looked around, only now realizing that I was sitting in the library, a cup of something warm in my hands.

“I was just thinking about my friends,” I admitted. “Kinda worried they burned the camp down.”

“Have faith. I’m sure they have not done anything quite so terrible,” Luna offered.

I just grunted and was about to go back to staring off into space, worrying like crazy, when the door to the library opened. A guard then stepped inside, followed by a familiar pink pony wearing a basket strapped to the top of her head. The moment her gaze fell upon me, she was on me, bouncing across the library and landing right in front of me.

“Oh goodie, you aren't busy!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed. “That means I get to give you this.”

I looked down at her outstretched hoof and the envelope she was so earnestly presenting to me.

“Let me guess,” I began, taking the slip of paper. “You're inviting me to a party.”

“Yupper doodle!” Pinkie Pie declared. “You’re welcome to Ponyville party!”

“Huh,” I muttered.

Dear Fareeah.

You are invited to your welcome to Ponyville party! If Luna, and or Twilight would allow, I would have you join us at Sugarcube Corner this very evening at seven P.M. Please do RSVP as soon as possible, but if you can't come, no biggie! There’s always next time.

Pinkie Pie.

There were then several boxes with writing next to them. The first was labeled, ‘I would like to come, but am not allowed’ and then there was a sad face next to it. The rest followed a similar style, though I didn't bother to read them all and just glanced expectantly at Luna.

“I assumed you would have waited until after the investigation was complete,” Luna offered.

“Nah, that could take like, forever,” Pinkie Pie dismissed. “Besides, I already waited a whole entire day.”

“That is quite a long time,” I added.

“I know, right?” Pinkie Pie agreed.

Luna chuckled. “Well, I don't foresee any reason why you could not go, though we would need to establish some kind of security. Not only to ensure you are not able to depart but also to ensure that Shining Armor does not do something foolish.”

“I agree with half of that statement,” I murmured.

“Great, I’ll take that as an ‘I will attend unless Twilight says otherwise’!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” I agreed, handing back the piece of paper.

“Okay dokay lokie, see you tonight artichokey!” Pinkie Pie stated.

“In a while crocodile,” I replied.

“See you later alligator!” Pinkie Pie shot back before bouncing out of the room.

I chuckled. “I like that one.”

Luna smiled. “It's hard not to.”

Author's Note

If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon!

Join me over on patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.

Party Down Time Part One

When Twilight returned, Luna and I had finished our tea and were lounging idly in the sitting area of the library. Or at least Luna was. I was currently standing up and waving around a rolled-up newspaper like a makeshift sword.

“And then all at once he snaps to. He stops trying to attack me, the wild look in his eye is gone, he just stands there staring at me,” I continued.

“Just like that?” Luna asked.

“Just like that,” I answered. “The effect had run its course, and worse yet he didn't even know why we were fighting in the first place.”

“My goodness that is funny,” Luna remarked.

I fell back into the chair opposite Luna, with a grin on my face.

“And that's why we don't use poison joke in the mead anymore,” I finished, turning to Twilight. “Oh hey, Twi. You done shitting your brains out?”

“Augh I was not…” Twilight began, only to pause and shudder in disgust. “Can you please lay off the vulgarity?”

“Whatever crime I just committed by swearing in front of royalty couldn't have been as bad as the one you perpetuated on that toilet. You were up there for ages,” I retorted pointedly.

“Fareeah’s foul tongue aside, you were up there for a while,” Luna added.

“I was just… thinking,” Twilight muttered, her blush fading quickly.

“Really? So that's what you call it,” I mused in faux contemplation.

“Har har,” Twilight retorted.

“What’s on your mind?” Luna pressed.

“I was just thinking about… look, it doesn't really matter,” Twilight concluded, turning to me. “What were you two talking about anyway?”

“Oh not much,” I remarked with a shrug. “Just regaling Luna with the story of when Merry Mead thought it was a good idea to use poison joke in his mead.”

“That couldn't have been good,” Twilight murmured.

“Nope, it sure wasn't,” I replied.

“Say, Twilight. May I have your opinion on something?” Luna asked, raising the invite I had received from Pinkie Pie.

“Sure what is it?” Twilight replied curiously.

“It seems as though Pinkie Pie has set up a little shindig for our prisoner here and has invited us as well as her to the event,” Luna continued, gesturing to me, and then to Twilight.

“So can I go Mom, huh, huh can I go?” I asked, giving Twilight the best puppy eyes I could muster.

“No,” Twilight stated firmly. “We are in the midst of a serious legal investigation at the moment.”

“Oh come on. This is hardly serious,” I dismissed. “You know I never tried to murder anyone. You know the worst crime I could possibly be accused of is petty theft but once you hear that tale I’m fairly certain you wouldn't even think what I did was wrong.”

“I doubt that very much,” Twilight retorted, turning up her snout.

“Be that as it may,” Luna interrupted. “Pinkie Pie has likely gone to great lengths to set this up in such a short time and I would rather enjoy another of her parties.”

“Ya’ll deserve a break, and I may or may not deserve a beer or two after dealing with you two,” I declared, glancing at Luna. “Mostly Twilight though.”

“It doesn't matter what we deserve its about our duty to the crown. The sooner we complete this investigation the sooner we can be done with this whole business,” Twilight exclaimed.

“We can't use the spell for another twelve or so hours anyway why not take the chance to relax? If anything you can think of this as an opportunity to interrogate Fareeah here under different circumstances,” Luna offered.

“Yeah! I bet I’d be willing to spill a whole ton of secrets after I’ve drunk a whole liter of spirits,” I added.

Twilight sighed.

“I’m not convincing you otherwise of this, am I?” Twilight asked.

Luna smirked.

“No, no you are not. Best just accept it, and figure out our little security issue,” Luna declared.

Twilight sighed.

“Okay,” the bookish mare began. “But I am hooking you up to a violence inhibitor, and you’ll have an armed escort with you at all times.”

“Goddamn Twilight. What next, are you going to demand I use a chastity cage or something?” I retorted with a frown.

“That won't be necessary,” Twilight blubbered, the mare’s face going red.

“Pardon me isn't that for males… oh I see,” Luna muttered.

I grinned.

“If you wanna see for yourself we could always skip this party and have one of our own,” I offered, wiggling my eyebrows at the dark alicorn.

Twilight seemed ready to turn a wholly new shade of purple, while Luna was seemingly unbothered. I did notice that she smiled the faintest bit at the suggestion, however, so I counted her response as at least a partial win.

“Perhaps another time,” Luna replied after a pause. “I rather enjoy a good party and have been in the mood for one for some time.”

I was about to shoot back with some other cheeky response of some kind but the sound of someone whispering in my ear suddenly stopped me. I couldn't actually hear what it said, though the voice was close to that of Luna’s, only different somehow.

“Did you just say something?” I asked.

“Yes. I mentioned my enjoyment of a Pinkie party,” Luna declared.

“That's not… never mind,” I murmured.

“Yes, well. So long as there isn't any opposition to my decision I suppose we three could attend this party together,” Twilight stated.

“I have no such qualms,” Luna added.

“Ahh come on. You guys don't really think I’m gonna start stabbing people with a broken bottle or something right?” I asked, looking from one mare to the other.

“Well, not exactly but the alternative is having you in cuffs, which Pinkie Pie would say is a quote-unquote mood killer,” Twilight answered.

“Yes, we must have some manner of restrainment with you, though I will note that I don't like the necessity of this decision,” Luna offered. “Mind magic, even bound to an enchanted item, should always be the last resort.”

“Wait, mind magic?” I muttered, holding up my hands. “You aren't going to root around in my skull or something are you?”

“Nothing of the sort,” Twilight dismissed. “The spell itself isn't even particularly invasive so to speak. Rather than stopping you from being able to think violent thoughts, it makes you unable to actually injure someone intentionally.”

“In that case, I hold no such qualms,” Luna offered.

“Yeah, it's not exactly like back in your time when such a spell more or less lobotomized the target,” Twilight added.

“Wait, you were willing to lobotomize me? Luna, I thought we were at least friendly acquaintances,” I exclaimed, a little more shocked than I let on.

For her part, Luna did seem a bit guilty, but her expression was swiftly schooled, returning back to its usual neutrality.

“Yes, well. It would have only been temporary, as it still will be,” Luna proclaimed, rising from the couch. “I will now depart. I must ready myself for the soiree, and have much I must do before then.”

“Err alright. I’ll see you soon Luna,” Twilight offered.

“Indeed,” Luna replied.

The alicorn then trotted away, her expression stony, giving little indication as to what she may have felt. The rest of her body was a bit more honest, as I could detect a nervous energy running down her spine. Not only that but the mare’s neck was tense, indicating that she was purposefully clenching her jaw. I was about to look away when I noticed something move in the alicorn’s shadow, though it vanished as did the pony in question after the door to the library closed behind her.

“So umm,” Twilight began. “Do you need anything before we go to the party later?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Showered this morning. I’m fed, watered, and ready to go, though normally I’d appreciate something a bit more relaxed than my armor, but I think given the circumstances I’ll stick to something with protection.”

“Probably for the best,” Twilight admitted. “I’ll see about getting Manacle squad ready to accompany you later but for now put this on, and get used to how it feels.”

The bookish mare lit her horn, and summoned out of nowhere, a ring that seemed perfectly normal at first glance. Upon closer inspection, I saw that its smooth silver surface was actually inlaid with dozens of small runes too small to see normally. I had a pretty high perception at this point so I noticed it fairly quickly, though I couldn't tell what they meant or said. They appeared magical though, likely tying into the spell that was going to make me unable to hurt anyone.

“Go on. The sooner you put it on, the sooner you’ll adapt to it,” Twilight encouraged.

“Augh, fine,” I murmured.

Snatching the ring out of the air, I slipped it onto my pinky, which was the only finger it even had a chance of fitting on. Once secured it pulsed once, lighting up my hand and sending a small electric charge up my shoulder. It was uncomfortable, but when it passed, I was left feeling oddly normal, as if I wasn't under the effect of a spell at all.

“Think fast, Twilight,” I exclaimed.

I then attempted to flick her in the nose but found my hand moving out of the way at the last possible second without me consciously making the effort to move it.

“Wha, hey!” Twilight whined. “That's rude.”

“I just had to see if it worked. Besides, I was only going to flick you in the nose,” I retorted, rising back up to my full height. “Right then, let's get me back in my suite so you can go powder your nose or whatever it is you ponies do.”

“Whatever, just get moving,” Twilight shot back.

I did as was asked, and made my way downstairs. Once in front of my cell, Twilight unlocked it, I entered, and the bars were sealed behind me once more. When I turned around Twilight was already walking away so it was hard to tell what expression she had on, but it appeared to be one of vague amusement.

I liked to think she was getting used to my jabs and prods at this point though that may have been wishful thinking. Either way, I put it out of my mind and got to work cleaning up as best as I was able. I didn't need a shower, but I could pick the dirt out from under my nails, straighten my hair, and do a bit of light grooming.

It would have been easier and more effective if I had the brush collection from camp but my claws were a surprisingly good replacement. Once done I looked at least a little better, and that was enough in my mind so I decided to just relax for a while. Before I did so, I got a bit curious and decided to pinch myself. Sure enough, I was able to do just that, even though it rather hurt due to my claws. With that nugget of wisdom at the back of my mind, I laid back and let my eyes fall shut. Before I noticed it time passed me by, and suddenly I was lurching forward, awakened from a surprise nap by the basement door opening.

From the light, slightly nervous clops it was probably Twilight and sure enough, the bookish mare appeared a second later. She looked a bit better, having taken a shower, put on some cherry-scented perfume, and a bit of makeup. She wasn't exactly dressed to the nines, but neither was she completely casual, easily showing me up if nothing else.

“Not bad,” I remarked, giving Twilight an exaggerated inspection. “You almost make me feel underdressed. That is if you weren't the least-dressed creature I know.”

Twilight chuckled, though she caught herself quickly and stopped covering it up with a cough.

“Yes, well. Etiquette class may have been one of my least favorite courses but I excelled in it nonetheless,” Twilight declared.

The alicorn then lit her horn, and opened my cell, allowing me to exit. As soon as I was standing outside I stretched and yawned, smacking my lips as I did so.

“That wasn't a bad little nap,” I remarked. “What time is it anyway?”

“Eight o'clock,” Twilight replied, trotting up the stairs and prompting me to follow. “More than enough time to get there for our eight-thirty invitation.”

“Hmmm,” I hummed, my mind already floating away while my body followed Twilight dutifully.

I couldn't help but think about this little soiree that we were heading to. My first thought was of safety, and if Shining Armor would try something but that didn't seem likely. As unhinged as that fellow was I doubted he would endanger his own sister out of a desire for revenge.

After that, my mind went to ruminating on what there was to enjoy at such a party. Actually seeing all the ponies that were no doubt going to be there didn't interest me much though snacks and a drink would be nice.

“I hope they have something alcoholic there,” I murmured to myself.

“Did you say something?” Twilight asked.

I blinked and glanced down to find that we had left the library behind. Not only that but we had been joined by a fully armed and armored manacle squad.

“Nothing,” I replied. “Just thinking, really. It's been a while since I’ve been to something like this. Are there going to be many ponies there?”

“I don't think there will be that many,” Twilight dismissed. “Pinkie Pie knows better than to overwhelm new people. That and…”

“There won't be many interested in meeting a supposed demon and chin wagging over hors d’oeuvres,” I finished.

“Yeah pretty much,” Twilight admitted.

“That's fine. I don't like many of you four leggers anyhow,” I replied, only to pause. “That isn't a slur or something is it?”

“No, and before you ask, I will not teach you a list of slurs,” Twilight retorted.

“But how else am I going to know what word choices to avoid?” I whined dramatically. “I could start an incident totally by accident.”

“I…” Twilight sighed. “Ask Rainbow Dash.”

“Will do,” I exclaimed with a chuckle.

We trotted along in silence for a few seconds before I was approached from behind.

“Pinkie Pie breaks out the good stuff after ten,” whispered the soft masculine voice of what I assumed to be the squad leader. “Just ask for something stiffer if you don't want her watered-down hard punch.”

“Oh thank the stars,” I whispered back. “Say, she wouldn't happen to serve something like, vodka would she?”

“No,” he retorted.

“A shame. I’d love to have a drinking contest with one of you,” I offered. “So far not a single quadruped has been able to match me drink for drink, not even Merry Mead, though he did get close.”

Silence followed, though the squad leader whose name I had foolishly forgotten, didn't return to his spot. I was about to ask him what he had on his mind when he spoke up suddenly.

“If the princess deems you innocent you'll have your competition, on me,” he replied before trotting back into place as our rear guard.

The way he said princess made me feel like he respected but one of Equestria's royalty. Even still, I could sense that initial feeling wasn't completely true. I had seen how he looked at Twilight, and I could tell that there was something there, though what exactly that was I couldn't be certain.

Either way, those were thoughts for another time, now I was in enemy territory and despite the company I kept I should still stay on guard. With that thought in mind, I immediately began glancing up and down the street, reacquainting myself with my surroundings. There was predictably, very little going on, though it was a bit more lively than I would have thought given the town's size.

I noticed fairly quickly that most of whom I spotted were guards, or seemed to carry themselves like guards. The ones not in armor were no doubt enjoying their off hours, while those still suited up were likely out on patrol. This didn't make much sense to me personally, I had already been caught and the chances of me busting out while being watched by two alicorns was slim to none.

I could even catch the occasional glimpse of Shining Armor’s camp at the edge of town. Tents had been erected, trenches were being dug and I could see what looked to be wooden palisades slowly rising in the distance. It was like they were readying for a bloody siege, and not only that but there were a lot of bodies moving about.

Then they were gone, obscured behind a row of houses that hid the entire encampment from sight. I tried to crane my neck, but I couldn't see anything of note from my position. Brushing that thought aside for a moment I decided that I would ruminate on that odd development later.

We were, after all, nearing Sugarcube corner, as well as a small crowd of ponies standing next to the door. More of Shining Armor’s guards, they didn't seem to be there in any official capacity however as only one wore armor. They were just loitering for lack of a better word, chatting while a pair of them shared a thickly rolled smokable of some kind.

Twilight seemed to stiffen slightly upon spotting the small group but said nothing even as we passed them by. The discomfort was mutual, though I ignored their pointed looks and waved like an excited child.

“Hiya fellas,” I exclaimed. “Wonderful night, ain't it?”

They seemed put off by my overly friendly demeanor as they couldn't muster a response before we were already inside. I snickered to myself and made a note to play some kind of prank on them once I could move around without an armed escort.

“Hmm, I thought Luna would beat us here,” I muttered.

Looking around, I noted that there were only about two dozen ponies here, most of whom I at least somewhat recognized. Twilight's friends were the most obvious, but there were a few others like a couple of off-duty guards that I had seen before. Thankfully none of Shining Armor’s underlings were present, only the odd bat pony soldier who had been milling around the library or carrying supplies.

“Whelp, here we are,” Twilight exclaimed. “I’d appreciate it if you stayed in the dining area. You may be allowed more freedom than most but you are still a prisoner of the crown.”

“Yeah yeah,” I dismissed, waving a hand at the alicorn. “I’ll stay where you can see me and resist the urge to stab anyone.”

“You’d better,” Twilight shot back.

I watched as the princess moved to join her friends, embracing them in a series of quick hugs before sitting down together at a booth. Not about to join them, I looked around, seeking out the exits just in case I needed to make a quick escape.

“Big place,” I murmured to myself.

Sugarcube corner was larger than I would have thought, with a wide open dining area to the right, a counter to the left, and the kitchen just out of sight behind a pair of saloon-style doors. There were two obvious entrances, that being the one we had just come through, but I could also tell there was one in the back. In addition, there was also a set of stairs placed slightly out of the way, presumably leading up to where the Cake’s lived, but I wasn't about to confirm that.

Manacle squad had already spread out to cover the back and front, leaving only the leader present in the main area. The stallion I had spoken to earlier made his presence obvious by standing in a central location where he could overlook everything. He and his squad seemed confident, as they remained ready but also slightly relaxed.

Leaving the security to them, I looked around once more, this time not in search of entrances an assassin may use but rather for the snack bar. My search didn't last long and I was rewarded with a bevy of delicious-looking treats that made my mouth water. I immediately went over to it and began to inspect the line, focusing first on the small platter of artisanal cheeses.

It seemed a bit fancy and out of place but I wasn't about to complain, and grabbed a small hunk of something white with small yellow bits in it. The cheese was good, and had a bit of spice, enticing me to keep trying more of the surprisingly good-looking food. Popcorn, fruits, vegetables, other kinds of cheese, crackers, pretzels, desserts, and punch were splayed out before me. The spread was fit for a children’s birthday party though I certainly wasn't going to complain.

I don't care how old you are, chocolate-covered strawberries are great and who doesn't like some cherry tomatoes and ranch? That shit’s just plain good.

I had made my way halfway down the line and was currently stuffing a donut in my mouth when I heard someone approach. They then cleared their throat in an obvious attempt to get my attention.

Turning around I noticed that Rarity was glaring up at me with a paper plate held aloft in her magic.

“It's rude to eat directly from the buffet you know,” she remarked.

“What? I’m hungry,” I retorted, grabbing the plate.

“Hunger is no excuse for acting like a barbarian,” Rarity retorted.

“Fair,” I exclaimed.

As I began to load up my plate I noticed that Rarity was doing the same, the mare sticking mostly to cheese, crackers, and vegetables though she did load up on a fair number of chocolate-covered strawberries near the end.

“So, Fareeah, was it?” Rarity offered.

“Yup. You’re Rarity I presume,” I replied.

“I am indeed. Apologies for not introducing myself properly,” Rarity exclaimed.

“Don't worry about it. Punch?” I asked, lifting the server expectantly.

“Please,” Rarity answered.

I spooned out a cup for Rarity as well as myself, before moving out of the way of the line and standing against the closest available bit of wall I could find. Rarity, surprisingly, followed me, her dainty plate of food bearing little resemblance to the small mountain of snacks I carried around with me.

“So…” I began somewhat awkwardly. “Are you here to cuss me out for being a gnoll?”

“No. I am not so quick to judge as some ponies I know,” Rarity replied.

“Well that's a relief because you guys seem to really enjoy whining at me over things that aren't my fault,” I complained.

“It's a good thing I am here to cuss you out over something that was your choice then,” Rarity retorted.

I paused just as I was about to throw back a honey cruller and looked down at her in confusion.

“What now?” I asked.

“I am speaking, of course, about poor Fluttershy,” Rarity continued.

“Oh yeah. Don't bother,” I interrupted, pausing to throw the aforementioned sweet dessert into my mouth. “Twilight’s talk about it like a dozen times already. Even Luna made mention of it though it wasn't like I was the one who dug up her azaleas or built fortifications on her lawn.”

“Be that as it may you have brought much anxiety to the poor girl and I’d appreciate it if you tried to make amends or at least set her at ease,” Rarity added.

“I’ve already apologized and it's not like I can really help her that much. Girl’s got anxieties only shrimp can perceive,” I shot back.

Rarity paused, and for a moment was quiet before clearing her throat.

“Be that as it may,” Rarity began again. “I would still appreciate it if you took the time to speak to her, and express how sorry you feel for the entire ordeal.”

I frowned, and though my first response was to tell her no, I didn't do that. Fluttershy, even while surrounded on all sides by her friends, seemed nervous, and I could see her eyes occasionally flick toward me, as well as the exit.

“I’ll talk to her,” I muttered.

“Thank you, darling, and do enjoy the party,” Rarity offered.

The fashionable mare trotted off, leaving me to mull things over while chewing on a mouthful of crackers.

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Party Down Time Part Two

I stood at the snack table miserable and scowling while at the same time munching snacks and staring off into space. I really didn't feel as though I needed to apologize a second time, as it wasn't my fault but then again it couldn't hurt. My pride was already beaten into submission at this point, what was one more indignity after the cavalcade of shame I had been part of thus far?

At least it wouldn't be a wasted effort anyway, as Twilight was stubborn as a mule, wait is that racist? Whatever. She was stubborn, but she had a soft spot for her friends. A soft spot I could exploit, though saying it like that made me feel a bit evil. My conscience was soothed a bit when I reminded myself that yes, my reasons were a bit underhanded but I was ultimately the victim here.

“Good enough for me,” I muttered to myself.

Stuffing a handful of chips into my mouth I chewed loudly as I strode across the room, intent on sitting down next to the mane six. I was intercepted by the smiling face of Lyra and her bitter partner, Bon Bon, the pair stepping out in front of me.

“Hey, there she is! Wait, you are a she right? I didn't want to assume but well…” Lyra rambled, giving up and shrugging to herself at the end.

“Err yes, I use she her though I honestly don't care what you call me so long as it ain't late for dinner. The name’s Fareeah by the way,” I offered, extending a fist.

Lyra bumped the appendage with her hoof and grinned even wider.

“I heard you made quite the impression with the local constabulary,” Lyra remarked, chuckling to herself.

“You could say that again,” Bon Bon muttered.

“Yeah, things got off on the wrong foot, or is it hoof with you ponies? Whatever,” I dismissed, waving a hand. “The princesses and I are making good progress on clearing up all these misconceptions though so I should be free soon enough.”

“That's good to hear!” Lyra proclaimed. “Once you clear your name, and are a free mare-er gnoll you’ll have to come by for a jam session sometime. I bet you would be mean on the bass.”

“Err yeah how'd you know that?” I muttered.

“Lyra is very perceptive when it comes to two things. If you have with experience with musical instruments and knowing exactly when the next batch of candy will be done in the oven,” Bon Bon added.

“Heh guilty as charged,” Lyra declared somewhat proudly.

“Thank you for the chat, Fareeah. Best of luck,” Bon Bon added, all but dragging a waving Lyra towards a distant table.

“I’ll be rooting for you!” Lyra shouted.

I waved back somewhat awkwardly, a bit unused to the energy Lyra brought to the table. She really was a bubbly mare, though I couldn't help but shake the feeling that they had ulterior motives. Bon Bon was inspecting me with a very critical eye while Lyra was doing her best to capture my attention.

If I didn't know better I would have assumed that it was some kind of setup to pick my pocket but thankfully I had no wallet to steal. Well, I still had my prison wallet, but that was currently unoccupied, and thank god for that as, I never wanted to do that again. A thought for another time, I reminded myself, giving my head a shake and walking the rest of the way over to Twilight's table.

With all eyes on me, I pulled up a chair, spun it around, and plunked down at the end of the booth. With the widest, and least tooth revealing smile plastered on my face, I greeted the group, giving them a small wave.

“Hey everyone, mind if I take a seat?” I half asked half stated.

“Seems like you’ve already done that,” Applejack retorted somewhat icily.

This was going to be harder than anticipated, I thought to myself. Evidently Twilight had recently done much to dampen their opinion of me, except for Pinkie Pie, she seemed genuinely thrilled by my presence.

Bless that pink mare.

“It's a free country,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Yes well, anyhow,” I murmured, placing a hand over my heart. “The name’s Fareeah as you probably already know.”

“And this is Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and finally, Fluttershy,” Twilight replied gesturing to each of her friends. “I know the introductions were mostly unnecessary but still, it's polite.”

“That it is, and speaking of polite,” I continued, looking to Fluttershy and making the poor mare flinch under my gaze. “I do wish to formally apologize for all the trouble I caused you. If there had been any other way to ensure I didn't get vaporized immediately I would have taken it.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off.

“What the hay do you mean get vaporized?” Rainbow Dash blurted out, placing her hooves on the table. “The princesses wouldn't do that.”

“The very first time I met a pony they attempted to murder me, so excuse me if I’m a bit paranoid,” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest.

“That doesn't sound very nice at all,” Pinkie Pie muttered with a frown.

“There were… extenuating circumstances,” Twilight tried to add.

“I was attacked on sight after having done nothing wrong. There are no extenuating circumstances that stop that from being anything less than an act of pure, unbridled evil,” I shot back.

“I think we are getting a bit off topic,” Rarity intervened, awkwardly inserting herself into the conversation while leaning between me and Rainbow Dash.

“Yes well,” I murmured, coughing into my hand and looking to Fluttershy. “Still, I am genuinely sorry I caused you any trouble. If it helps I wouldn't mind replanting that cute little flower garden of yours.”

“That would be very kind of you. If that's alright with Twilight,” Fluttershy exclaimed, glancing expectantly at the alicorn.

“Yeah of course,” Twilight hastily replied. “She would have to be supervised but I don't see why we couldn't do that.”

“You pamper me far too much Twilight. Why it hardly feels like I’m in jail and under constant threat of execution,” I exclaimed, hand over my heart once more.

“You aren't really under some kinda threat, are ya?” Applejack began. “I mean it's Ponyville. Sure the Everfree is right there but this town’s about as quiet as they come.”

“It sure would be. If some Shining Armor the psycho-” I retorted, my blood pumping hot only to cool a moment later when I remembered the company I was in. “I mean Shining Armor the uh… complicated stallion had not attempted to kill me since being imprisoned here.”

“I haven't heard of this. Twilight, is it true?” Rarity exclaimed in shock.

All eyes turned to an increasingly nervous-looking alicorn.

“I uh, wasn't going to reveal that information yet,” Twilight murmured. “Or ever.”

“Oop, cat’s out of the bag now,” I exclaimed in fake shock, placing a hand over my mouth in a dramatic fashion.

“Look there's more to it but… its a long story and not one I’m ready to relay in full quite yet,” Twilight muttered sadly.

“And out of respect for Twilight, I will say no more,” I added.

“Thank you Fareeah,” Twilight replied.

“So, I take it my apology has been accepted?” I asked, gesturing to Fluttershy.

“Oh uh yes. Of course,” Fluttershy declared.

“Really? Just like that Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed in shock.

“Well I was scared, and this entire thing has left me err… shaken,” Fluttershy muttered, pausing as a shiver ran down her spine. “But even when I was being held hostage I never felt any cruel intent from Miss Fareeah.”

“Just like with the manticore! Only this time the scary-looking creature is a little easier on the eyes,” Pinkie Pie added with a giggle.

“Yes, I suppose,” Fluttershy admitted, the mare stifling her own laugh.

“I for one am relieved to hear that my faith has not been misplaced,” Rarity exclaimed.

I smiled and gave the mare a small nod of appreciation. Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed a bit more convinced while the others were already on my side or at least on the fence.

“I should apologize too,” Rainbow Dash remarked. “We already chatted but-”

“You saw your friend still struggling with her issues and got a bit hot-blooded,” I interjected, resting my head in my hands. “Don't worry about it, girl. Happens to the best of us.”

“Yeah well still. I don't know what it is lately but I’ve just been antsy for some reason. Like something big is gonna happen,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“How about this? I’ll forgive you but only if you do me this one favor,” I began, holding up a finger.

“What were you thinking of?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Would you mind grabbing everyone some good punch? I think we’re all a little parched,” I replied, flashing the speedster a wink.

“Ha! I like how you think. I’m on it,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed before disappearing in rainbow colored flash of light.

“Awesome. I can't wait to wet my whistle,” I muttered.

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Applejack agreed.

I glanced around the table, glad that I had made the trip and given the effort though I did feel a bit bad that my original intent was so… underhanded. Still, it had turned out well, and it wasn't like I had lied, putting Fluttershy in the line of fire had been a regrettable act. I pushed aside such thoughts for the moment, they weren't helpful and I was already guilt-ridden enough as it was.

“What’d I miss?” Asked Spike, the dragon pushing his way into the already rather squishy bench next to Twilight before placing a plate piled high with goodies on the table.

“Just some introductions is all,” Rarity dismissed.

“A better question is where you’ve been and who said you could have so many donuts,” Twilight retorted, levitating a good half of the dragon’s food onto her own plate.

“Aww come on Twilight it's a party,” Spike whined.

“No. You are going to make yourself sick. Now where did you get off to? I was getting worried,” Twilight pressed.

“I was just chatting with Lyra and Bon Bon,” Spike answered, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “I didn't think they’d make it what with Lyra having a concert planned tonight.”

“That mare’s as fickle as the wind. I wouldn't be surprised if she plum forgot,” Applejack dismissed.

Rainbow Dash appeared and deposited a tall glass filled with punch, topped with a few ice cubes and even a tiny umbrella. The mare would make a good bartender, she’d probably even do those fancy bottle-flipping tricks, though I wasn't confident she’d land them.

“Who knows what's happening in that mare’s head? Now, onto more important matters,” Rarity interjected, leaning forward. “You simply must let me make you some clothes.”

“You’ll pry my armor off my cold dead corpse,” I retorted, wrapping my arms around my midsection. “It is far too good for me to trade out for something as useless as a dress.”

“Yes yes it is functional but it is not fashionable,” Rarity dismissed, completely ignoring the slight venom behind my tone. “You don't seem the type to value one over the other and I would not attempt to change your mind.”

“Err what were you thinking then?” I muttered, somewhat confused by the lack of pushing on Rarity’s part. I had fully expected to end up as a model, or with a few new sets of clothes and had come with that expectation firmly in mind.

“Think about it darling,” Rarity began, raising her hoof up in a dramatic fashion. “You need not choose one or the other. You could have both!”

“What are you gettin' at girl?” Applejack pressed.

“Duh, she’s talking about a better suit of armor,” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“Precisely,” Rarity added, clopping her hooves together. “A good suit makes the mare as they say but the same goes for the warrior. Trust me, I know a wonderful armorer out of Canterlot who would relish the opportunity to work with you.”

“You know someone who can forge armor?” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“I know everyone who has an eye for fashion, even those whose designs are a bit more… durable in nature,” Rarity answered.

“Well I would certainly enjoy something a bit less… patchwork,” I muttered, glancing down at my makeshift suit. “Though it would have to be after I’ve cleared my name.”

“If you clear your name,” Twilight corrected.

“Yes yes, whatever,” I dismissed, rolling my eyes.

“Excellent! I will send a letter tomorrow and before you know it you will be wearing something far more protective and much easier on the eyes,” Rarity concluded.

“Huh, well thank you Rarity,” I muttered.

“Think nothing of it darling,” Rarity dismissed right back.

I sat straight up and sipped at my drink, relishing the very sweet but still pleasant beverage. As I withdrew into my thoughts, conversation sprung up before me, though I made no effort to listen or participate. The ice had been broken, drinks had been drunk and I was now on decent enough terms with the whole of the mane six.

It was far from perfect, but it was a good start if nothing else it had melted a bit of my cynicism. They were hard to dislike, and I was growing to appreciate even Rainbow Dash, whose worst characteristic was also her best. Loyal to a fault, and eager to protect her friends, she was a bit more wishy-washy than the others but it came from a good place.

As I took another swig, and rolled the punch around my mouth, I looked out over the rest of the party. Noone new had arrived, which was fine in my opinion, but it still left the room feeling a bit on the empty side. That was until the door opened and a mare stepped out of my dreams and into Sugarcube Corner.

Cadence had arrived, and she looked amazing.

Wearing a pink dress adorned with images of roses, she looked ready to party but not too hard. Casual yet still elevated with the addition of a few gems in her mane, and a crystal-studded bracelet on her one foreleg, she was as eye-catching as ever. As expected, her make-up game was on point, reflecting her generally casual but stylish appearance with some very subtle eye shadow and blush.

“Dude, if you grip that cup any harder you're gonna shatter it,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

I relaxed my grip, only now aware of the fact that I had indeed been squeezing the thing hard enough to cause a few cracks.

“Err sorry about that,” I muttered.

“Damn girl, you got it bad,” Applejack added with a chuckle.

“Well what are you waiting for, go on. Say hello to her,” Rarity encouraged, shooing me from the table.

“Right. Here, Twilight. Hold my drink. I’m gonna hit up your babysitter,” I exclaimed, not waiting for Twilight's response and simply pushing my drink over to her.

“I’m in Tartarus,” Twilight muttered.

“Actually, you’re in Ponyville,” Pinkie Pie corrected.

“Augh, thank you Pinkie Pie,” Twilight murmured, her chin hitting the table with a clack.

“You're welcome!’ Pinkie Pie cheerfully replied.

I barely heard any of this, as I was busy crossing the room, on an intercept course with Cadence. A few ponies seemed interested in stopping me for a conversation but I had eyes for one mare and one mare alone. Ignoring them all, I weaved through the crowd and approached the newly arrived alicorn with a smile.

“Well hello there princess,” I opened, ducking into an exaggerated bow. “I am so glad you could make it to this little soiree.”

“Yes well. I thought it best to speak to you in a more relaxed setting,” Cadance dismissed.

“You came all this way to see little old me? I am doubly honored,” I exclaimed, taking the mare’s hoof and planting a kiss on her fetlock. “Thank you very much, princess.”

“It is err nothing,” Cadence muttered taken aback by my charm, or repulsed by my proximity, I wasn't sure which.

“May I get you some snacks or perhaps a drink? Maybe something a little harder than just punch?” I pressed, grinning wolfishly.

“That's quite alright. Actually, I was wondering if I wouldn't mind talking to you alone before we join the others?” Cadance asked, growing more nervous with each word.

“Of course, if that's alright with my handler that is,” I replied glancing expectantly over at Twilight.

The mare evidently had better hearing than I had anticipated as she gave me a nod. I also noticed that she was clenching her jaw incredibly tightly as if seeing me next to Cadence caused her great pain. That only made the entire thing even funnier to me, and I gestured towards the kitchen.

“Ladies first,” I offered.

“Aren't you a lady as well?” Cadence asked, confused.

“I am a woman darling, but you are a lady,” I emphasized.

That made Cadence blush slightly and she awkwardly trotted past the guard, through the saloon-style doors, and into the backroom. I was quick to follow after the alicorn, imagining how pissed Shining Armor would be if he could see me now. I was quick to wipe the shitting-eating grin from my face when we stopped, adopting a look of concern.

“Is there something I can help you with?” I inquired.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier,” Cadence remarked somewhat awkwardly, the mare unable to meet my gaze. “It was unbecoming of a princess and beyond that, it was well… rude frankly.”

“It is quite understandable given the situation. You are forgiven, of course,” I replied, adding extra emphasis to the last two words.

“I did not think Shining Armor would do something like that. I knew he was becoming increasingly angry and distant but I just thought…” Cadence sighed. “I don't know what I thought.”

“You thought the stress of the job and likely the physical distance between you were taking their toll and that a bit of emotional distance would help you both. It's perfectly understandable,” I added.

“You are more or less correct,” Cadence exclaimed with yet another sigh, her shoulders slumping. “I had hoped that without the stress of one, he could deal with the stress of the other but that doesn't seem to be the case.”

“Don't worry about it one bit. We wouldn't want any grey hairs to mess up that amazing mane of yours after all,” I added, still grinning.

“You can lay off the whole flirting thing by the way,” Cadence retorted, her expression suddenly cold and neutral. “It's unlikely that Shining Armor and I will get back together at this point. You don't need to try and drive a wedge between us.”

“That didn't even occur to me,” I dismissed.

“Really?” Cadence deadpanned.

“Really really,” I answered, placing a hand over my heart. “I honestly didn't even think about that at first.”

“But you did think about it,” Cadence accused.

“It did occur to me after the fact. That much I’ll admit, but-” I held up a finger. “I am genuinely attracted to you.”

“What really? But wouldn't you want someone who was… I don't know…” Cadence muttered.

“Bipedal?” I replied with a grin.

“Yeah,” Cadance murmured.

“I’ve always been more about the content of the character rather than the contents of one’s pants and you seem to be just my type,” I remarked, rolling my hand around in the air.

“How could you say that? You barely know me,” Cadence retorted without venom.

“I know you are kind, earnest, and are possessed of a generous heart,” I replied, my smile growing slightly. “All things I find utterly captivating.”

“I erm… oh wow,” Cadence murmured, glancing down at my chest as if she were looking at something other than just my armor. “You… you’re serious.”

“Of course I am. Lying to a princess is pretty much impossible, so why bother?” I exclaimed, shrugging my shoulders.

“I apologize for doubting you. Though from the color of your emotions that is not the whole story,” Cadence stated, again without venom, the mare simply stating a fact, cold though it may sound.

“I do admit that although it is your personality and who you are, that captivates me the most, your body sparks a certain desire in me which I had thought dead,” I earnestly proclaimed, putting a slight dramatic flourish to my words.

“R-really?” Cadence exclaimed in shock, a blush coming to her face.

“Look closer, peer deeper into me, and know that I speak the truth,” I whispered, kneeling down before me.

Wordlessly, Cadence placed her hoof on my chest, the pony staring intently at my heart. As she did so I imagined her walking in front of me up the stairs, complete with her cute stomping, and the way her backside jiggled ever so slightly. I framed her child-bearing hips in my mind, and her soft plush lips hovering mere inches away from my own.

“You… you feel so intensely,” Cadence muttered, stumbling back a step. “It is like you are screaming every single emotion.”

“What can I say? I believe we should feel what we feel and make no apologies for this fact,” I replied.

“Interesting,” Cadence whispered to herself.

“And hey, maybe one day you’ll feel the same,” I teased, standing back up.

“I don't know if I can do that but…” Cadence began, a look of deep consideration crossing her face.

I was about to tease her again when I heard the doors to the kitchen twak against one another, signaling a new arrival. Annoyed, I turned around and was about to cuss out whoever had interrupted our little moment, only to be suddenly confused. Bon Bon and Lyra were standing there, along with a limp guard held aloft in the unicorn’s glowing, magical grip.

“Apologies for interrupting things but the gnoll has a date,” Lyra exclaimed, malicious intent flashing behind her eyes.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, a hand unconsciously reaching toward my hidden dagger only to remember the ring bound on my finger.

“A date, with justice that is,” Bon Bon declared.

Lyra tossed aside the unconscious guard while Bon Bon lurched at me, the pony suddenly wreathed in green fire. The flames of illusion passed from one to the other, revealing that the two mares were actually changelings in disguise. I could hear a commotion in the other room and sensed that an alarm had been sounded but with so little distance between the changelings and myself, I wasn't sure what to do.

In my confused panic, I just stood there, freezing up due to the sheer suddenness of it all. Choice paralysis may have held me firm in its grip, but it did not hold Cadence quite so tightly. The mare leaped toward me, forelegs outstretched.

“Get down!” Yelled the alicorn.

Yet despite her quick thinking, the changeling formerly known as Bon Bon struck us both with a spell. Suddenly the world turned upside down, and all at once Sugarcube Corner vanished, replaced by a small tangled grove ringed by tall trees. Cadence had gotten dragged along with me, and she wasn't the only one, as both of my attackers were there too.

“The fuck is going on?” I muttered blearily, stumbling into a stand.

“Silence, beast,” spat a domineering changeling emerging from the shadows. “It is time to pay for the crime of existing in this world.”

“Augh, how cliche,” I muttered, raising my fists. “Oh well. Bring it on, I guess.”

Author's Note

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Party Down Time Finale

“Wait,” I murmured, glancing down at my fists. “Fuck, I keep forgetting I can't hurt people.”

“Oh this is going to be too easy,” murmured the changeling.

I jumped over a blast of magic, before rolling out of the way as a chain of the things was fired my way. The attacks were powerful, able to send chunks of dirt, and debris everywhere and nearly scorching my leg when I didn't move fast enough. Coming back up from the roll, I grabbed a hunk of loose earth and tossed it at the changeling, hoping that wouldn't be considered violence.

My hand moved of its own accord at the last second, sending the chunk flying far from the target. While I cursed, the changeling laughed, and chased after me, sending a trio of fireballs my way.

I avoided the flaming spheres by dodging the first, and then jumping behind a tree and using it as cover. The impact of the orb tore chunks from the tree and was enough for the flames to lick at my face, singing my fur. The smell was unpleasant but the least of my worries, as the tree was beginning to lean in my direction.

Leaning against the wood, I pushed the falling tree next to my opponent and was happy to see that at least I was able to do that. The tumbling ton of timber was enough of a distraction that they had to dodge to the side, abandoning their attacks at least for the moment. I used this to my advantage and rushed them, intent on tackling the changeling and restraining them physically.

I was able to grab the startled critter, but I couldn't apply any more force than a gentle hug.

“I’m sorry but I’m not into freaks,” declared the dominant changeling.

“And I’m not into emotionless psycho killers that resemble an angry block of cheese,” I retorted, still trying to squeeze down around her midsection but being unable to do so.

“I’ll make you eat those words, and your liver,” she spat.

A blast of magic sent me flying into the dirt nearly a dozen feet away from where we had been standing. While I stumbled into a stand I looked around for any sign of Cadence, to find that she wasn't far from me. The alicorn was locked in heated combat with the two other changelings that had gotten transported along with us.

Though perhaps combat was a bit of a stretch.

Cadence was flying above them, counter-spelling their magic, whenever they tried to cast anything. When they tried to fly up to her she’d use those enormous, majestic wings of hers to buffet them so severely that they were forced to land. By the sounds of it an argument had broken out between the two would-be assassins while Cadence was still attempting to make them stop through diplomacy.

Bless her heart.

“I said you go right, I go left. If we both fly at her from the same direction she’ll just knock us down!” One of them yelled.

“And I said that we should just both cast a sleep spell at the same time, she can't dispel both!” retorted the other.

“Why don't we all just take a deep breath and talk-” Cadance began.

“Shut up you!” The assassins barked.

“What a bunch of idiots,” I muttered.

I felt the sudden urge to lurch to the left, an urge I followed immediately, jumping to the side just in time to avoid another blast of magic.

“Alright, new plan,” I whispered to myself.

Charging across the clearing, I jumped into the air and grabbed Cadence around the middle.

“Cast a shield spell, now!” I demanded.

“What, why should-”

“Just do it!” I yelled.

The blushing alicorn obliged and cast a large dome shield around the both of us. I put her down, and then turned to our attackers, watching as their spells and fists bounced off the glowing pink barrier.

“Ha, good luck getting through that, ya jerks,” I remarked, flipping them off.

“I don't know what that gesture meant but I’m going to assume it was an insult,” remarked Cadence.

“Yeah pretty much, now-” I turned back to Cadance and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Please tell me you know how to fight.”

“I uh… no, not really,” Cadance admitted, the blush returning to color her cheeks. “I never did take those self-defence courses Auntie and Shining wanted me to.”

“Do you know any offensive magic whatsoever? Fireball, lightning bolt… magic missile?” I asked, growing increasingly panicked the more the alicorn shook her head.

“I don't know any spell that can hurt another creature,” Cadance murmured somewhat ashamedly, wincing briefly when a blast of magic hit her shield. “Which I am just now realizing is probably an issue.”

“Okay, so we run,” I declared, confidence growing. “How good are you at teleporting?”

“I can't teleport anyone but myself and even then I can barely make it any further than a few feet,” Cadance replied, wincing prematurely.

“That… sucks,” I sputtered. “Do you have any spells that could… incapacitate someone?”

“I just said I can't hurt. Also, we should really hurry this up I don't know how much longer I can keep this up,” Cadance encouraged, sweat dripping down her forehead.

“You don't need to hurt them. Just uh…” I snapped my fingers. “Put them to sleep!”

“It only works on a willing target,” Cadance muttered.

“Can you do anything at all?!” I shouted angrily.

“Wait, I do have one spell that might- augh!” Cadence cried, her bubble popping with a woosh.

I grabbed the alicorn around the middle and hefted her up like a dog before taking off into the woods. Magical bolts whizzed past me, blowing off bits of tree bark or an errant branch, sending leaves and bits of wood everywhere. The thunder of hooves was close to my heels, but I was taller, with longer legs, making me far faster than them.

“Ha, good luck catching up to me now, dickheads!” I shouted.

The thunderous impact of hooved feet vanished, only to be replaced by the sound of insectoid wings buzzing.

“Why can't they just forget they have wings like every winged hero ever?” I irritably exclaimed.

“Augh what happened?” Cadance groaned. “And why am I getting carried around like an ugly handbag?”

“The magical whiplash knocked you out, and the magical whiplash knocked you out,” I answered.

“Har har very funny,” Cadance retorted.

“Compliment my sense of humor later. Use your spell now,” I declared.

“But it-”

“No buts!” I shouted.

I then spun around and lifted Cadance up in front of me.

“Go go gadget murder!” I exclaimed.

“What, but I- ahh!” Cadence yelled.

She then blasted the two advancing assassins with a giant pink heart bubble that popped upon contact. For a moment nothing happened, with the pair flying there, looking down at themselves in confusion. Then their gaze met, and their eyes turned into pink hearts, not unlike the one that had hit them a moment earlier.

“Okay so what happens now… oh,” I murmured.

The two changelings rolled around on the ground, attacking each other’s tonsils with their long forked tongues.

“That is disturbing but effective,” I declared.

“It's not supposed to work that well!” Cadance blurted. “It's just supposed to amplify existing feelings, honest!”

“Stop making my soldiers horny you freak!” Demanded the leader changeling, leveling her horn at Cadence.

“Shit,” I muttered before leaping to the side.

Though I dodged the bolt of lightning it was still close enough to burn a large chunk of my fur and make my hair stand on end. That was a concern for later, as right now I was tumbling through the underbrush with Cadance pressed against my chest. With my arms wrapped tight around her, I was able to take the brunt of the blow, protecting the mare though I would probably have a few new bruises tomorrow.

“Are you alright?” I asked, glancing down at the mare I was looming protectively over.

“I’m more than alright,” Cadance muttered.

“Good,” I began, unaware of the bright red blush on Cadance’s face. “Because Cheese Face called for backup.”

Cadence sat up and looked around the bush to find that more changelings were advancing on our position. Not only was there the big, dominant changeling from before but three new arrivals were charging their horns.

“Hit 'em again!” I encouraged.

“Hold on a second I need a moment,” Cadance replied.

I grumbled to myself and hastily jumped up, dragging Cadance up with me. I was about to turn and run, alicorn tucked securely under one of my arms when a bright green bolt of energy flew at me. I knew that I didn't have the time to dodge or do much of anything really, though I could spin around, taking the hit and protecting Cadence.

The force of the impact knocked me forward, but I could feel that it had done very little true damage. This was mostly due to my armor and natural resilience as a pony likely would have been injured quite severely. Either way, it pushed me forward, and I turned that momentum to my advantage by taking off into a run.

“You’re hurt!” Cadence exclaimed as I weaved around a corner and avoided another bolt of lightning.

“It's nothing I haven't experienced a thousand times before,” I replied, gritting my teeth and holding back the grunt of pain that threatened to spill past my lips.

“I should heal you. I think I know a spell for that,” Cadance muttered.

“No! Don't bother,” I interrupted, jumping behind a tree, a fireball whizzing past and exploding into the distance a second later. “Just focus on that lust spell.”

“It's not a lust spell but fine, I should be ready now,” Cadance replied.

“Good, Cadence, use lust beam!” I shouted, jumping out from behind the tree and holding Cadence up like a doll.

“I said its not a lust spell!” Cadance shouted while unleashing said spell on the closest three changelings.

Again the spell struck true, and again nothing happened for a moment, and then the trio of changelings began attacking one another. In an instant, they were a blur of angry cursing, punching, and aimless scrambling in the dirt. Hair was pulled, eyes were poked, with each of the brawling changelings attacking the other two with vicious intent. It was clear that there was some real bad blood between them.

“That's kind of fucked up Cadence. Why would you do that to them?” I asked.

“I didn't mean to!” Cadence exclaimed, throwing up her forehooves.

“What are you… augh not again!” Growled the lead changeling after round a corner. “What are you idiots doing!”

“Well, at least they aren't making out like bandits, though we sure are!” I exclaimed, cackling as I sprinted off into the woods, Cadance tucked under my arm like an oversized football.

“I don't understand we are not making out. Not like I’m super against that or whatever but the statement doesn't make any sense,” Cadance retorted.

“It's an expression! Augh you are worse than Twilight. At least I know where she gets it from,” I muttered.

“You are heading back to Ponyville, right?” Cadance asked.

“Girl, I don't have a hot clue where we are. The only direction I’m going in is not towards them,” I replied.

“At least put me on your shoulder or something this is embarrassing,” Cadance whined.

“Sure just- shit not more of them,” I muttered.

I grabbed Cadance and leaped to the ground, avoiding a bolt of sizzling acid. The spell thudded into a tree behind me and sizzled loudly, eating through a good section of the tree in only a few short seconds. I didn't wait around to see what would happen to the poor plant and hefted Cadence to my shoulder before sprinting to the right.

Despite my quick thinking, we were pincered between the newly arrived changeling in front of us and the commander that was behind us. Together they fired off spell after spelling, cutting down trees, igniting bushes, and sending enough woody shrapnel into the air that it gathered like clouds.

“Turn around, I’m ready to use it again!” Cadance called.

“No way! The moment we stop is the moment one or both of us lose a limb!” I retorted.

“Fine, just run straight would you!” Cadence yelled.

I grumbled and did my best to do just that, though I was only mostly successful, what on account of the flurry of streaking emerald bolts that exploded all around me. Despite my less-than-perfect path, I saw Cadance fire off the spell out of the corner of my eye, the alicorn shooting it over her shoulder.

“Yes, I got the smaller one,” Cadance declared.

“Did it work, are they tongue wrestling, or just boring regular wrestling?” I asked while still sprinting into the woods.

“I uh think he's asking the tall one out on a date. It looks like he's professing his feelings for her,” Cadance added.

“Oh sweet. What she say?” I prompted.

“It's getting a bit hard to see them but it looks like she's angrily ordering him to keep up the attack though she's blushing pretty fiercely,” Cadance replied.

“Ha! That's hilarious. Let's hope they stay distracted for a bit longer. I’m pretty stealthy when I need to be so we might be able to sneak away,” I offered.

“Wait, she's casting a spell it looks like a big one,” Cadance exclaimed.

I didn't get a chance to respond before suddenly the main changeling appeared before before us in a flash of light.

“I’ve had enough of your games,” she growled, while still blushing. “Stop resisting and die already!”

“Cadance, now!” I shouted.

Cadance unleashed her spell, though the pink bubble never landed, as an explosion of red lightning blasted it apart. The changeling’s crimson energy tore through the surrounding vegetation, turning small plants into clumps of ash while severely burning any tree it came across. I knew in that instant that I was gonna be too slow to get out of the way, and so I chose to hold Cadence to my chest before dropping face-first to the ground.

Like a brave private jumping on a grenade, I used my body to shelter the alicorn from the blast. However the moment it hit me I immediately regretted my actions, as it ripped through my armor, and burned my flesh. It was like a dozen white hot irons were slammed against my back all at once, charring skin, and flash-frying muscle tissue.

I muffled a scream, gritting down the pain until after it passed. Once it was gone, I rolled back over and lurched into an awkward stand.

“Quick, Cadance do the thing,” I demanded.

“No, you’re hurt let me tend to your wounds,” Cadance retorted.

“Or you could both just lie down and die already,” spat the changeling, her horn smoking.

Our would-be assassin tried to muster another spell, only to wince, a spray of sparks shooting from her forehead.

“Damn it all to Tartarus,” she murmured bitterly.

“Cadence now is the time to practice your fighting skills. Uppercut her in the chin!” I ordered, pointing at the changeling.

“I am not doing that, besides-” Cadance tried to reply, only for a new voice to interrupt her.

“Cadance! Fareeah!” Shouted Twilight Sparkle from somewhere in the distance. “Hold on! Help’s on the way!”

“Well, what do you know, the cavalry has arrived,” I remarked with a smirk. “It seems as though you are out of time, Cheese Face.”

“I…” The changeling growled. “You have not seen the last of me. Mark my words, monster. I will have your head. Sooner, or later.”

She then turned and disappeared into the bush, leaving me to collapse to one knee with a wince.

“Damn, that hurt. What kind of spell was that anyway? I’ve never seen anything like that,” I muttered.

“Me neither but that doesn't matter right now, hold still,” Cadance retorted, clambering off my shoulder and rounding my back. “Stars above Fareeah, how are you even still conscience!”

“That bad eh?” I remarked, chuckling dryly.

“There are chunks of you that are ready to just fall off!” Cadance exclaimed.

“Well at least losing weight for bikini season won't be so hard,” I muttered, though the mirth had left me completely.

“This is not the time to joke. Now hold still, and try not to talk,” Cadance ordered.

I did as she asked, and was relieved to feel a wave of healing magic wash over me. My wounds stitched themselves up almost completely, and a second later the pain dulled to the point that it was barely more than a dull throb. A third healing spell washed over me almost right after, causing the last of my skin to pull itself together.

“Okay, good,” Cadance muttered between gasps. “You should be fine now.”

“Wow,” I murmured, a hand reaching back to find that my back felt… normal. As if I had not just had my flesh nearly flensed from my bones. “You are really good at that.”

“Yes well. Auntie insisted that if I was not going to train in fighting I should at least know how to heal,” Cadence answered trotting around to face me at head level.

“I appreciate it Cadence,” I remarked.

“I should be the one thanking you,” Cadance began, taking a step towards me. “You likely saved my life several times tonight. How can I ever begin to thank you?”

“Don't worry about it,” I dismissed. “I was just doing what was right. After all, you ponies are mighty squishy. Gnolls, not so much.”

“Still. I must insist that I do something for you,” Cadance pressed. “I can't promise to dismiss the charges but perhaps I could pull some strings.”

“Nah I don't want none of that, though I can think of one thing I want,” I retorted, waving a dismissive hand.

“What is it?” Cadance demanded to know.

“A kiss,” I replied with a smirk.

“I… suppose that would be possible,” Cadance admitted, her cheeks nearly glowing she was blushing so profusely.

“Lay it on me, princess,” I offered.

“So crass,” Cadance exclaimed, batting me in the shoulder.

She then leaned forward, and we locked lips. The moment this happened I felt what could only be described as a bolt of electricity arc from her to me. It could have been leftover static, but it felt deeper in a way that I couldn't quite explain, the electricity igniting a heat deep down in my chest.

“I… wow,” I muttered.

Cadence didn't say anything, instead surging forward and kissing me again, this time much deeper. No longer was this just a peck on the lips by an awkward date, this was a capital K kiss, straight from France. I fell into it eagerly, leaning forward, and running a clawed hand through her mane.

“Cadance, Fareeah?” Muttered the dumbfounded voice of Twilight Sparkle.

“This isn't what it looks like!” Cadence replied, hastily breaking the kiss.

“Aww come on Sparkle. Couldn't you at least have given us another few minutes? We were just getting to the good part!” I whined.

“I… am going to deal with all those emotions later,” Twilight remarked. “Are you two okay?”

“We're fine but Fareeah took a bad hit and we should go to the hospital,” Cadance declared.

“But before we do that. You have to take this thing off,” I proclaimed, lifting the finger the ring had been placed on. “Your little precaution nearly got me and Cadance killed.”

“Is that true?” Twilight asked, turning to Cadence.

“I hate to say it Twilight but yeah. Fareeah is telling the truth here,” Cadance answered.

“I’m… I’m sorry you guys,” Twilight whispered in a low tone, head hanging low. “I didn't think something like this would happen.”

“Hey Twilight,” I shouted. “It's fine. Just take it off and replace it with a tracker or something.”

“Errr right. And I’ll add an enchantment so what happened tonight can't happen again,” Twilight offered, her mood banking from the depths of despair to the eager, childlike desire to help someone.

“You go ahead and load up those enchantments,” I encouraged. “Put on as many as you can fit.”

“I will, but for now let's hurry back. I need to recall the others that had joined the search party,” Twilight muttered.

As Twilight trotted away, Cadence and I joined her, though we stayed a few steps behind her.

“Thank you, for distracting her like that,” Cadance whispered. “There is only one thing more powerful in this universe than Twilight's curiosity and that's her guilt.”

“Hey, even I know when to reign back on the teasing,” I answered, only to smirk and lean down. “Though speaking of teasing. After we get back to the party do you wanna sneak off to that back room and pick up where we left off?”

“No, that was… I wouldn't say it was a mistake but, well… I don't know what to call it,” Cadance muttered.

“Hot. You can call it hot,” I added.

“That is…” Cadence began, pausing to frown while still blushing furiously. “Very accurate.”

Author's Note

Join me over on patreon or Subscribestar and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

Below are a list of supporters some past, some present that have earned my eternal gratitude. Thank you All.

Jimmi Kristensen Demonxenomorph1987 Orivon Kloud Strahil Terziiski Jesse Goodnight Jessie Smith Kiddwizard Sebastian Molina Ozxecho Damien Scerri David Hedrick Owen Thomas Morr Szilard Afell Tale Weirdocat Dragonus85 Derpydude9001 Generic Pony Yaki Lolman3121 Elysia Joshua Crowell Little Insane Joshua Molina Boonman Lavamoon Big Corn Ewan Maclean OSK Mrburgerdon 2scoopsplz Lacunae Dale Thatguyplays32 Geraldo Plock ConfusAJ Verge T Pensive Random Videos Eclipse_Corp. Lotus Petals ChrisBarnes Mathew Whitney Trixie Lulamoon Matias Duran Aang Sylver SRGTartman Tacocat598 MestreJ Nightwing Dragon'ssheppard1995 Venerable Ro Lich Lord Krosis Canary In The Coal Mine Spacedude Ceepert Peter Coulthard Tom Facinus M VI Watch Starless Tiwake Tailsic Nightwing Sunset Flash.

Diplomacy Check

Author's Note

Reminder, Commissions are open! Hit me up if you want me to write anything as I am in running low on food.

Diplomacy Check

I groaned and rolled over onto my back only to wince in pain.

“Still kinda stings,” I muttered to myself.

I then tried to roll onto my stomach but forgot that my bed was way too small for that and instead, I ended up on the ground. Sprawled out on the floor of my prison cell, I groaned and stumbled awkwardly into a lopsided sitting position.

“The second I’m out of here I am going to spend three days sleeping in my own damn bed,” I declared.

Rubbing my back, I stood up and looked blearily around the room. It was early, barely any light was able to enter through the barred window behind me. By the sounds of it, only the guards were awake as I couldn't hear anyone walking around. The nightguard was stealthy after all, while Twilight trundled around like a drunken bull, at least before she got some coffee in her anyway.

“What to do what to do,” I muttered aloud.

Leaning back down, I snuck a hand under my bed and found that the dagger I had stashed there had not fallen out. I wanted to keep it on me, but with my armor all but destroyed that wasn't really possible anymore. A part of me weeped for my mishmash of metal and leather that I had cobbled together, but most of me was happy to see it go.

After all, Rarity had promised me a new set. A real set, one made by a professional and not hammered into place by a half-drunken amateur using scavenged material.

“I wonder what kind of bonus that would give me. It would have to be masterwork so a plus one on top of whatever bonus you get from plate right?” I mused to myself.

Putting that thought aside for the moment, I slipped into the bathroom, only to be surprised by the presence of a robe hanging from the wall. I grabbed one of the arms and found that it was in my size, probably even slightly too large. There was a note attached to it as well, which I, of course, read immediately.

“Dear Fareeah. I heard about what happened and hastily threw together this robe. I also put a rush on the order for more armor. Hopefully, it is done soon. Hugs and kisses, Rarity,” I muttered. “Huh, well that was… nice.”

I tried on the robe and found that yes, just as I thought it was a bit on the big side. That being said it was nice. Warm without being hot, cool without being cold. The perfect middle ground while also being nice and breezy on my naughty bits.

“Probably should have tried it on after the shower. Oh well,” I declared before pulling the thing off and hanging it back up.

I then got into the shower, and turned on the water, falling into the rhythm of cleaning myself. As my hands and body moved, my mind wandered, going back to the events of the previous night.

Things kind of simmered down after Twilight found us. The guards were close behind, and though there was a bit of confusion over what happened, that was quickly explained. Cadance didn't stick around for long either, which sucked but whatever. She had to go back to report these events to Celestia herself. Well, she didn't have to per se but she felt like she needed to, and I had a feeling she wanted to get away from me.

Which stung, but she did thank me again and promised to see me again soon so that dulled the pain of the rejection a bit. Either way, I was in too much pain to do anything anyhow so it wasn't a big deal. I just followed Twilight around until I got some medical attention and was dumped rather unceremoniously back in here.

Not much of note happened, though I felt as though I was being watched for a while when we were in the forest. I also got the impression that there was no hostile intent, that and I briefly picked up the smell of honey mead on the breeze. It had to have been my little tribe of losers, I could feel it down in my bones, but I had no way to actually confirm that thought.

“I’m surprised they haven't tried to break me out yet,” I declared to myself.

Wrapping up my shower, I donned the robe and started to wonder about what else I could do to pass the time. The first thought I had was to try and wake everyone up so I could get out of this shithole, but before I could start being annoying I noticed something.

I looked out the window to where a paper airplane was soaring on the breeze and heading straight toward me. I was so confused by this that I didn't even move until it slipped through the gap in the window. Snatching it out of the air, I unfolded it to find that within lay the delicate cursive of Pilfered Pommel.

He was another of the former bandits that I saved who I may have forgotten to name. He was the effeminate fellow with the dual longswords. He also had excellent handwriting for someone who lacked hands.

“Dear Fareeah, our most glorious leader,” I began, only to pause and snort derisively. “Even when you are writing you are a kiss ass.”

“Anyway,” I began again. “We see that you are in a spot of trouble. However, judging from Merry Mead’s report you don't seem to be in any distress.”

“That explains the honey smell,” I muttered to myself.

“If you require a rescue, look out the window, and give us a thumbs up. If you don't need our help, and have this little issue well in hand (as I assumed) then give us a thumbs down,” I concluded. “Signed, Pilfered Pommel, and the gang.”

Crumpling up the paper, I tossed it into my mouth, chewed, swallowed, and then walked over to the window. There I scanned the distant woodlands for any sign of them, only to find that they were all gathered between a pair of pines. The cadre had squeezed themselves into a tight place and were busy arguing with themselves. Well almost all of them were arguing. Merry Mead was still looking my way.

I stuck my arm out as far as it could go and stuck my thumb down. I then held it there for a few seconds before pulling it back. When I next glanced at the spot where the group had been, there was no one to be seen.

“Hopefully they got the message,” I muttered. “Oh well. I’m sure it will work itself out.”

Falling back into bed, I waited for time to pass, entertaining myself by letting my mind wander once more. Though I initially started thinking about Cadance, my thoughts drifted back to the past, to when I had first started playing Dungeons and Dragons those months ago. I am not sure why but I felt like it was important that I ruminated on the others in my party, limited though it was.

There had been myself, and two others but I couldn't remember much about either of them. Maybe I just had a shit memory, which wasn't totally untrue, but I got the feeling that being here had damaged those same memories. Whatever the reason, I could only recall a tiny shred about each of them.

One had been the dungeon master’s friend from high school and had their character created before we got there. Then there was my friend, who was the opposite of me in nearly every way. However, that was where things stopped, with my brain unable to come up with an image of what they looked like. I also couldn't recall any details other than those tidbits I have just mentioned.

“Are my memories changing? Am I remembering more? Less? Is this whole line of thinking stupid?” I asked, only to frown. “I really need to stop hanging out with Twilight. I am talking to myself a lot more lately. It is probably not helpful for my mental health.”

I gave my head a shake, then drank a bunch of water and sat back down. I let my mind wander again, but this time it stayed on the topic of Cadance for a while, which was nice. It got to the point that I was nearly getting a bit of a lady boner going so I stopped thinking about her.

To distract myself I used one of my claws to remove a good foot off the bottom of the robes, making the hem end just above my knees. It was a bit rude to modify a gift, but I was getting a bit warm under the collar for some reason, and I chose to remedy that with a bit of redneck air conditioning.

With that out of the way, I laid back down to wait, though I didn't have to stay there for long. I soon heard moving up above me, and after only a few short minutes, a bleary-eyed Twilight stumbled down the stairs holding a coffee cup. I would have assumed Nightmare Moon would have been better off given everything but she looked even worse than Twilight somehow.

“Wow. You guys look like shit,” I exclaimed. “Which is weird. Because I was the one who got kidnapped, nearly murdered, and then had the flesh flensed from her back.”

“Flensed? Twilight, what does this word mean? We did not have it back then,” Luna asked.

“It's usually used in the context of hunting when someone would slice the skin and or fat from a carcass,” Twilight replied, only to wince. “Augh, why are we talking about this?”

“Because you guys look like you haven't gotten a wink of sleep all night,” I answered.

“I for one, have not slept yet,” Luna stated, seating herself at the table, and pulling out a bag of what looked like plant stems. “But that is not a concern. I have plenty of kakat to go around. Twilight, would you like some?”

“Wait, jaad, you mean…” Twilight gasped. “Luna, that's an illicit drug! You can't eat that.”

“Watch me,” Luna retorted, stuffing a wad of the stuff under her tongue.

“Augh that's illegal. You know what? I’m not even going to ask you why you have a bag of griffon marching weed on you,” Twilight exclaimed.

“I do not understand the issue. It merely helps you stay alert over long times,” Luna retorted.

“I am not having this conversation right now,” Twilight stated firmly.

“Yeah I hate to do this Luna but I think I’m with Twilight on this one,” I added, leaning against the wall. “It seems like you should just do a mocha frappe with four shots of espresso like all the decent law-abiding stimulant addicts do.”

“I am a princess. I do what I want. Now then, would you mind getting our guest out of her cell?” Luna asked.

“Augh, fine but I am telling Celestia about this,” Twilight warned, wagging a hoof at the other alicorn.

“If you didn't like me chewing on weeds then you really aren't going to like it when you find out what Celestia puts in that pipe of hers,” Luna retorted, leaning back in her seat and chewing loudly on the mass of mashed-up plant matter.

“What do you- nope. Not dealing with that either,” Twilight exclaimed. “That's going deep down in the psyche.”

“Right next to the image of me making out with your babysitter,” I added.

Twilight shuddered. “Don't remind me.”

“Oh, that actually happened?” Luna muttered. “I assumed something awkward happened between you three but no one would tell me anything.”

“It was great,” I began, pausing as the barrier keeping me in my cell was removed and I was allowed to take a seat at the table. “We did the most romantic thing two people can do.”

“You fought together,” Luna reasoned. “Interesting. I am a bit surprised things did not progress further. I have taken more than a few lovers right there on the battlefield, armor still slick with sweat and blood.”

“I hate you guys so much right now,” Twilight muttered.

“Let's uh back up. For Twilight's sake,” I offered.

Luna shrugged, and I took that as agreement.

“So uh, why do you two look like crap exactly?” I pressed. “You can't both have been up all night imagining me and Cadence going at it.”

“Please stop,” Twilight murmured pitifully.

“Right, sorry. Go ahead,” I agreed, holding up my hands in defeat.

“We were attempting to hunt down your attackers,” Luna answered. “I patrolled the Everfree all night while Twilight held interviews long into the night. I believe she has had only a few short hours of sleep.”

“Oh shit well if you guys need to postpone the interview I don't mind. Though I’d appreciate some breakfast. Saving the day really builds up an appetite,” I replied, patting my stomach in emphasis.

“I’ll have someone bring something down in an hour or so,” Luna stated.

“No, we can continue. Besides, with you saving a member of the royal family this is a bit of a formality at this point,” Twilight muttered. “Plus I asked someone to join us for a few questions before we begin and he should be here soonish.”

“It's Shining Armor, isn't it? You think he had a hand in all this. Oh, this is rich,” I exclaimed, kicking my feet up and throwing my arms behind my back. “I can't wait to rub his nose in the fact that I made out with his girl. You think he’ll try to kill me again?”

“Please for the love of the stars and sun, don't,” Twilight pleaded.

“I wouldn't,” I quickly interjected, holding up my hands. “I know better than to poke that particular sore spot. Cadence has the tact for that little revelation. I do not.”

“It is good to know your strengths and your weaknesses,” Luna remarked.

“Thank you Fareeah,” Twilight exhaled, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Don't worry about it,” I dismissed. “We’re friends now. It's what we do.”

I snapped my fingers and pushed my feet off the table, the chair legs hitting the ground with a clack.

“Hey why don't we use this time to talk about getting me that different ring you talked about,” I offered. “You said you were gonna put like an anti-teleportation rune on it and I want it.”

“Oh right. I’ll go get it. I’d just teleport it but… you know,” Twilight answered, getting up from her chair.

“Send someone down with food too. I’m starving. Oh, and get something for Luna, she has the look of a woman who hasn't eaten in sixteen hours,” I called out after the departing Twilight.

“Got it!” Twilight shouted back.

“Thank you Fareeah,” Luna murmured. “I’m afraid I’ve been forgetting to eat recently.”

“Are you sure that's not a side effect of the.. You know,” I replied, pointing to her lip.

“Oh this is actually just dried and seasoned orchard grass,” Luna replied while pulling out another hoof full of the stuff. “I’ve always had the habit of chewing on things when I think and I like messing with Twilight.”

“Ahh that makes sense. Wait, but does that mean that you did use to do that stuff?” I asked. “Not judging or whatever. Just curious.”

“Yes, back in the day we have done things modern ponies call drugs. We also did things most ponies would consider war crimes, but you’d be surprised at how many people get offended over that first thing and not the second,” Luna muttered, bitterness tinging her faintly reverberating voice.

“It was a different time,” I offered.

“We knew what we were doing then. Masking our deeds in the guise of necessity does the victims of our crimes a disservice,” Luna retorted, scoffing. “But enough of such dark subjects. We wish to speak of something lighter, lest Twilight pick up on our foul mood.”

“Cadence used lust beams to defeat the changelings last night,” I stated.

Luna paused and seemed genuinely taken aback only to erupt with laughter.

“Oh, that is too funny. The pacifist finally has to fight and that's the first thing she hits them with,” Luna exclaimed between bouts of giggling. “Celestia is going to get a kick out of that. Why I bet she’s laughing right now.”

“It was pretty funny. Most of them made out or proclaimed their love but some of them did end up fighting amongst themselves so,” I added, giving a halfhearted shrug.

“Still. A lust beam. That is most humorous,” Luna murmured, wiping her eyes of the tears that had begun to build there. “Thank you for remedying the mood.”

“Err before you thank me,” I began, glancing at Luna’s shadow, which was at the moment whipping back and forth like the wagging tail of a dog. “Is there a reason your shadow is doing that?”

“What is she doing?” Luna growled, glancing down at her suddenly normal shadow. “That's what I thought.”

I frowned and was about to press the issue, maybe even ask why she kept saying we instead of the first person singular but Twilight chose to return. Glancing up at the bottom of the stairs I noticed she was not alone, as Shining Armor had joined her. He looked… normal. I couldn't place it but he seemed different despite appearing as he always did, annoyed and wearing the garb of a royal guard.

“Ahh Twilight. So good of you to return along with the uh… serving boy?” I remarked, snapping my fingers as if I had forgotten Shining Armor’s name.

“No. I’ve got that handled myself, thank you very much,” Twilight retorted, levitating a pair of plates down in front of us.

“As if I would serve you anything other than a knuckle sandwich,” Shining Armor growled.

“Why would you say that? You don't even have knuckles,” I retorted.

I ignored the stallion’s bitter grumbling and dug into the rather simple, but pleasant breakfast given to me. Eggs, toast, hashbrowns, a fried tomato, and even some bacon, it was a few extra additions away from being a full English. That made me even hungrier, but thankfully the portion size was significant.

“Thank you Twilight,” Luna offered.

“Yesh fank you,” I added, mouth stuffed with food.

“You are very welcome, Luna,” Twilight pointedly replied, shooting me a glare.

I rolled my eyes, and after a few more chews, swallowed hard.

“So,” I began, pausing to swallow the bit of toast that refused to go down the first time. “What's Armor Boy doing here?”

“I’ll explain in a second. For now, I have to activate the field,” Twilight began.

The alicorn powered up her horn, and after a short moment of silence broken only by renewed chewing, the spell was cast. The zone of truth passed over all of us, making my skin tingle slightly before it dissipated, leaving me feeling slightly queasy.

“Ooh, the zone of truth. I like sm-big butts and I can't lie,” I sang. “You other brothers can't deny.”

“Enough of your trite rambling,” Shining Armor interrupted. “Twilight. Speak your question so I may dismiss these rumors.”

“Alright,” Twilight began, clearing her throat. “Did you, Shining Armor. Knowingly have anything to do with the attempted assassination of Cadence and Fareeah last night.”

“I did not,” Shining Armor stated. “Well? Is that it?”

“Luna?” Twilight offered.

“Do you have any leads on who could have done this? Suspicions even,” Luna added.

“Nothing concrete,” Shining Armor replied.

“Then you have a lead,” I pointed out, jabbing my fork at him.

“I have a suspicion that they may have been a new arrival in Ponyville that was spotted a day ago,” Shining Armor answered, crossing his forelegs over his chest. “But that is all I have at this moment.”

“That's all, big brother,” Twilight exhaled. “You can go.”

Shining Armor snorted and left the room without saying a word, silently fuming.

“Is it just me or does he look taller?” I mused aloud. “Nah, it's probably nothing.”

“I did not notice anything, though I have been quite focused on these delicious eggs,” Luna remarked. “Am I to assume that they came from the Apple family farm?”

“They did, yeah,” Twilight murmured, the mare still staring at the basement door.

“Hey. He’ll come around,” I whispered. “I’m sure that after all this is done and dealt with he’ll come to grips with things and if we’re lucky, go back to his old self.”

“Thanks Fareeah. Here’s to hoping,” Twilight muttered.

“Right so. The ring,” I prompted.

“Oh yes!” Twilight exclaimed, plucking a small, golden ring adorned by three opaque, white gems. “I had just enough time to get it done last night before I passed out for what would become little more than a nap.”

“What's all on it?” I asked, pushing the food to one corner of my mouth.

“Anti teleportation enchantment, a tracking enchantment, and a translation matrix. Just in case,” Twilight added, a tinge of pride worming into her voice.

“That's convenient. Though I ain't a fan of getting tracked,” I retorted.

“It's not cursed,” Twilight hastily added. “You can remove it at any time. I don't want a repeat of last time. As no matter how small a chance there may be for that to come back to bite us, I still want to nip that problem in the bud.”

“Good pun,” I remarked.

“Ahh yes. Bite, and bite. I hadn't even noticed,” Luna muttered.

“Funny. Anyway. Let's get this show on the road as Pinkie Pie would say,” Twilight began. “Where did we leave off again? At the point where you killed a manticore and stole medical supplies.”

“Those two are interconnected and I’d like to remind you that I attempted to pay for them,” I countered.

“I’m sure that once we hear the whole story it will all make sense,” Luna interrupted. “Speaking of which, why don't you start there.”

“Right, so, this was a month or so after I became buddy buddy with the former bandits,” I began, pushing my empty plate forward. “I had been accepted by their leader and was teaching them the ways of the adventurer when I went out on a seemingly normal hunt. But little did I know things would take a turn for the worse.”

Rescuing Royalty, The Sequel

I slipped away from the small camp that I now called home, and began to wander through the forest. As I moved, I adjusted the new armor that had been made for me, though calling it armor was a bit of a stretch. A mess of metal, and half-treated leather, it was at least quiet, and kept the burrs off me, so it was at least halfway serviceable.

My little amateur blacksmith was getting better, but he was still a long way off from being able to forge plate mail or the like. Still, it at least did what I wanted it to without being noisy or constraining me in any way so huge plus right there. With the small snag on my right shoulder fixed, I began to wonder what manner of thing I would hunt this time.

Being a borderline obligate carnivore (non-meat makes me nauseous) I needed something to tide me over for a bit. My thoughts went to one of those big rocky crocodiles but figured that probably wouldn't be the easiest to eat, provided it was even edible to begin with. I didn't want to resort to killing a squirrel, or rabbit as they were both cute as heck, and had about as much nutritional value as a single cracker.

With that in mind, I started to go a little further off the beaten trail, ranging to the east, and trusting in my tracking ability to get me back home when the time came to return. I have a great sense of direction and have only gotten lost like, once while in the Everfree forest so I wasn't too concerned. I was also strong enough to take most critters in a fight, or at least stealthy enough to avoid them if I didn't feel like a struggle.

I may look lanky and uncoordinated, but I can actually hide really well when I want to. Takes a bit of prep to hide my scent though, I’m a musky girl especially after I start sweatin'. Right, where was I? Oh yeah, so I was heading out hunting when I found this little griffin guy wandering around a rocky area.

I was crouched low in one of the few bushes present in this area dominated by canyons, and red-orange rock. It was a bit of a struggle given my size, but you’d be surprised how small of a ball I can squeeze down to. So I was sitting there, watching him flying around aimlessly, searching for something amidst all the barren rock and sparse vegetation.

He looked, young but kinda wealthy? It was a bit hard to describe. His plate armor armor barely fit, and he carried around a real fancy spear adorned with a bunch of feathers. There was an emblem of a two-headed bird on one of his shoulders, but that was the only iconography that I could see on him.

Thankfully he didn't have his helmet on, that dangled from a strap on his back, so I could see his face. He had a longer, more angular beak than what few griffins I had seen at that point, and his plumage was mostly white. The guy did have some cute green eyes, really bright too, like they damn near glowed in the afternoon sun.

“I thought you were gay,” Luna deadpanned. “What with your infatuation with Cadance and whatnot.”

“I thought the same,” Twilight admitted.

“Okay, one. I am only sort of a girl. My gender identity can best be described as a mess. This is due to the fact that I was a guy, but I kept some aspects of masculinity, but also have those parts,” I rambled only to clear my throat and wave a hand in the air. “None of that matters right now.”

“Ahh, a fellow bisexual then. Interesting,” Luna muttered.

“I think the term would be pansexual,” Twilight corrected.

“How rude Twilight. I hardly think Fareeah here is sexually attracted to kitchen appliances. Do you think Cadance resembles a toaster?” Luna exclaimed in utter confusion.

“She does get real hot if you touch the right button,” I added.

“Augh, that's not…” Twilight sighed deeply, her head hanging low. “Just get back to the story please.”

“Right, where was I again?” I murmured, scratching my chin.

“You were observing what I imagine was a minor griffin noble,” Luna replied.

“Oh yeah. So I was watching him-”

He seemed nervous and sweaty, and I couldn't see any provisions on him or anything like that. Meaning he had either stashed that stuff nearby, or had set up a camp in the area. It didn't really matter to me, mind you but I was curious and decided to observe the cute lil guy. After all, you ponies find griffins to be kind of fierce and warrior-like, but I always thought of them as big tsundere cats.

No, I will not be explaining what that word means, we’ve interrupted the story once already and if you keep prying this is going to take forever.

So I was curious, I wanted to know what he was doing way out here, and I also had some bad vibes about the guy. Not like I thought he was some manner of villain or whatever, but that he seemed a bit like a fish out of water. For some reason, I could just tell that if he didn't accidentally stumble upon danger, then the danger would find him.

Sure enough, after a bit of flying around, I noticed that he had stopped and was staying as still as one can be while still staying airborne. His gaze was fixed on something I couldn't see somewhere below me, deeper in the canyon. I tried to clamber over to the edge and spot whatever it was that had caught his attention but before I knew it he had dove down, disappearing from sight.

“What the hell are you doing little dude?” I muttered to myself.

A little worried for my strange feathered friend, I jogged over to the edge of the cliff and glanced over. What I saw confused me at first, but even from a single look, I could tell that I had stumbled into the middle of someone else’s story.

The griffin wasn't immediately visible, though what I could definitely see was the thing he was fighting. A manticore, bigger than most I had managed to spot so far, was pissed, though that was probably due to all the pointy things stuck in him. Arrows covered his back like tiny hairs, and a lance was buried in his shoulder along with a dagger or two in his midsection.

Manticores are scary enough, what with their huge batwings and scorpion-like tail but this guy was in a league of his own. He had huge teeth that likely barely fit in his mouth, and his tail dripped a greenish liquid that sizzled upon striking the stone. He was also pale as a ghost, with his fur being completely white instead of the usual orange. His mane was still a bright crimson but so too was the lone eye he had left, with the other having likely been cut at some point given the long scar that covered it.

The huge critter was taller than even me, and that was before it reared back, and tried to stomp the piss out of the poor guy fighting him. I spotted the griffin only briefly, the little guy scrambling out of the reach of the manticore a second before its huge forelegs stomped down. I swore the whole canyon shook when that beast struck, and I could see stone come loose all around us, creating tiny rock slides.

The griffin tried to stab with his lance, but the manticore was able to swipe it away, batting the thing with enough force to send it flying. My little buddy thankfully didn't get carried along with it, the male hopping back and producing a pathetically short knife, er sword. With the reach, height, and size advantage on its side, I knew the manticore was gonna win and that left me with a few options.

I could leave now while it was distracted, or I could help the guy and while I was ruminating on what action to take, the griffon made his attack. Taking to the sky, he was able to use his smaller size to get in close and slice at the beast’s face, drawing a thick line above its brow. The swipe would be painful, but not lethal, something the griffin hadn't seen coming, going from the gasp of shocked surprise that came from his mouth.

He was then blasted back when the manticore’s stinger slammed into his chest with enough force to send him flying into the rock wall. His breastplate had crumpled under the impact, but it had seemingly saved his life as he stumbled into a stand, now weaponless due to his blade having been knocked from his grip. Rising up onto his back legs, the griffin struck what I assume was an intimidating posture of some kind.

“I am Prince Willhelm Ghostfeather and though you may take my life this day, before I expire I will taste your blood,” he shouted.

The manticore roared back and was about to charge the griffon, but that was about when my flying bodyslam struck him in the back. I’m not gonna lie, it kinda hurt when I hit him after achieving terminal velocity during the probably twenty-foot drop. I am pretty durable, but even then I did get stabbed a few times by the arrow shafts sticking out of the manticore’s back. Thankfully he got more stabbed, or at least I assumed he did as he cried out in shock and pain.

I rolled off his back and fell to the ground, hitting the stoney earth with a thud. Though I had managed to avoid getting the wind knocked out of me, the manticore wasn't so lucky, as it was gasping and stumbling around. The griffin seized the moment immediately, barely giving me a glance before raking his claws across the beast’s face.

One, two, then three swipes, each deeper than the last, sending chunks of bloody flesh to the ground. Despite the injuries, our foe was made of sterner stuff, and even mostly blind, he was able to knock the griffin back with a swipe of his own. The griffin was able to raise his arms in a defensive stance before the impact though so he was knocked away but thankfully not killed outright.

I didn't give him a second glance, however, as I had launched my own attack on the monster, using the rather mediocre short blade I had scavenged not long ago. A bit puny, rusty, and not super sharp, it at least did the job when wielded by someone as strong as me. Driving the weapon into the manticore’s side, I stabbed him two more times before the creature turned on me fully.

Its tail swung out at me, but evidently, he thought I was pony-sized as I was able to jump over the swipe. I struck the manticore one final time with my dagger but that was the end of it, and the sword broke right near the base leaving only two or three inches left of blade. I was so annoyed by this that I didn't notice the manticore swiping at me until it was too late.

The slash across my chest was brutal but thankfully my armor mostly saved me, turning a lethal hit into something that was just painful and bloody. It tried to swing a second time, but by then I had gotten my head back in the game, and I jumped to the side. I then kicked it in the chin as hard as I could, causing the poor bastard to bite a good quarter of his tongue off.

“Ooh, that's gotta hurt,” I muttered.

I half expected the griffin to jump in, and when he didn't, I glanced over to find that he had crumpled into a heap, clutching at his chest. He didn't look too good so I decided to end this quickly lest he end up dying on me and making my whole rescue attempt moot. With that in mind, I’d have to do something risky, but what is life if not risk, eh?

I charged the manticore just as it reared back, its claws lashing out at me, intent on removing my head from my shoulders. He was basically blind at this point, as so much blood had flowed into his eyeball that it was completely red. This meant he didn't even notice as I came up lower than anticipated, getting in close and stabbing him in the stomach.

My sword was barely more than a letter opener at that point, but I made up for its lack of size by putting a few dozen holes in his midsection. The manticore flailed and struck at me but I was so close that his attacks didn't carry enough weight to do more than bruise me. Then, just after I had finished stabbing it for the twenty-third time, it tried to bite me, but I was able to get a hand on the bottom of its jaw, forcing its snapping maw high into the air.

I held it there while it gnashed and flailed for another few seconds, during which I continued to stab him probably another dozen or so times. By then his blood was flowing so thickly that the ground was starting to become slick with the stuff, creating a crimson sheen over the rocks. His movements were also starting to slow, and I could tell it wouldn't be much longer before he died from exsanguination.

He was able to twist out of my grip however, and was about to chomp down on my face so I had to think of something and quick. Abandoning my close attack, I shoved him away from me as hard as possible, ditching my little stabby knife in the process. Even then, he only just barely missed me, his jaws slamming shut so close that for a second I thought he had taken my nose off.

“Ha, not today, jerkwad,” I spat.

The manticore roared, and it was at this point that I noticed he was near the very lip of the outcropping’s edge. With my opening found, I surged forward and shoulder-checked the beast over the edge, taking a swipe from his claws in the process. I was bleeding from three new cuts, but the manticore was tumbling backward down the side of the canyon.

I glanced over, to make sure he died and was a bit surprised when I saw him manage to open his wings and right himself. He started to flap but slammed into an outcropping of rock somewhere thirty or forty feet below me. I could hear the ensuing crunch from up there, and I watched as the strength left him, the manticore bouncing off one jut out of stone to another before coming to rest far, far below me.

“Well, shit. You were one tough bastard, weren't you?” I murmured to myself.

“Come, beast. I still have breath left in my body,” muttered the griffon.

Turning around, I watched as the silly little guy stumbled into a stand, his one paw raised and claws extended.

“Speaking of tough cookies, you sure are a fine specimen, aren't you?” I mused, walking over to him.

Stumbling around on his back legs, and barely able to stand, he was bleeding pretty bad, though his chest injury looked worse still.

“I hope you choke on my… bones,” he murmured before swaying to one side and nearly falling over.

I caught him before he hit the ground and gently lifted him up.

“Woah there tough guy. Don't waste your strength. You don't look so good,” I exclaimed.

“Die, beast,” he muttered, batting his clumsy limbs against my chest with all the power of a pool noodle.

“Alright there buddy. You just hold on and I’ll try to find someone to help ya,” I stated in as commanding a tone as possible.

He blathered something incomprehensible before falling still, alive but unconscious. Which was good, because I carried him around like a cat, his head against my armpit, and my arm supporting his back. It made it kinda hard to climb that wall, what with only one arm, but I was a fairly adept rogue, so it still only took me about twelve seconds, give or take a second or two.

Once up, I made a beeline to Zecora’s, my charge’s breathing growing increasingly shallow as time passed. By the time I reached her hut, it was starting to get dark, and I was beginning to worry. Still, he had yet to die so I decided to cling to hope and pounded a hand against Zecora’s door.

“Zecora, it's me!” I shouted. “I got someone that's in pretty rough shape here!”

“I swear if another mushroom you did eat, your ugly face I will beat,” grumbled Zecora.

“It's serious, I swear!” I yelled, trying not to remember that rather unfortunate trip I had gone on after eating a mushroom I thought was safe.

Zecora’s bitter mutterings ended when she opened the door and laid eyes on the wounded griffin being held like an overgrown house cat.

“My word, this is absurd,” she murmured. “Quickly bring him in and lay him there, I must find something powerful and rare.”

I did as she asked, and deposited the bloody griffin on a spare table that thankfully had nothing on it. I stripped off his armor by using a nail to slice through the leather straps holding it in place. Each time I managed to remove another hunk of metal I tossed it aside, revealing an ever more grim picture beneath.

“Holy shit,” I murmured to myself.

Not only was he cut up, and had a deep puncture in his chest, but the flesh around the impact site had seemingly started to necrotize. That didn't seem possible given how little time had passed, but then again he was afflicted with some kinda venom. When Zecora returned, she let out a gasp and nearly dropped her various supplies.

“What kind of crime, have you gotten up to this time?” Zecora exclaimed.

“Hey, I didn't do anything wrong this time!” I retorted, throwing my hands in the air and accidentally punching her ceiling. “There was this weird albino-looking manticore that was killing this dude and I saved him but not before it stung him.”

“This is the venom of the flesh eater, and to best it we’ll need luck by the liter,” Zecora exclaimed. “Acquire these ingredients from the nearby town, or else prepare to put this poor fool in the ground.”

Zecora then hastily scribbled a list of supplies on a scrap of paper and thrust it into my hands.

“Right, I’ll get right on that. Hey, wait do you have any bits or anything? I don't exactly carry money around,” I replied.

“The insult, the cruelty, the gall! As if I have time to worry about something so small,” Zecora exclaimed. “Now go, shoo! Let me be rid of you!”

“Alright alright I’m going,” I whined.

“The side of town it is on is east, and upon the sign is a priest!” Zecora shouted as I left.

Despite my whinging, I was serious about this and took off with all the haste I could muster. It thankfully didn't me long to find the right place as there aren't too many businesses on the east side of Ponyville. I broke in, stole what I needed, and returned to Zecora, handing over all the ingredients.

After that, there isn't much to say. I helped Zecora as her assistant for the next few hours, and then once we had done all we could, I went home. I gathered up a few bits, and whatever jewels we had kicking around and returned the night after to break back in and leave the money.

“Which brings us to the end of that particular story,” I concluded, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Wait, hold on did the griffin live?” Twilight inquired.

“Pfft yeah, of course,” I dismissed. “Swell dude too. Swore some kind of life debt thingy before he left. Said something about returning home with news of old Bale Eye’s death.”

I paused and frowned.

“I’m not sure why but that name feels familiar for some reason,” I muttered.

“I recall that name as well,” Luna remarked. “Back during the civil war, there were tales of a red-eyed and white-furred manticore that was exceptionally intelligent. If the stories are to be believed, it was capable of hunting down whole groups of trained soldiers though I never heard what happened to it.”

“Albino or not, Manticores don't live that long,” Twilight retorted.

“Look I’m just telling you what happened. I don't know if they are one and the same,” I replied.

“It wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen,” Luna added.

“Anyway,” Twilight interrupted. “Was he really some griffin prince of some kind?”

“Apparently,” I answered, shrugging. “It's not like I know much about griffin nobility.”

“Fair,” Twilight murmured.

“Did you damage this facility that you were breaking into?” Luna inquired.

“Nah-well the first time I did. Since I was in a hurry,” I stated. “The second time I wasn't in quite such a rush so I just picked the lock, and then relocked it on the way out.”

“That explains the confusion from the store owner,” Twilight remarked.

“See? No malice intended,” I exclaimed, opening my arms wide. “And it was all in service of saving someone’s life so that's gotta be an exception under some kinda law, right?”

“Yes, although technically the store owner could still press charges. That being said they would only be able to demand that you repay up to the amount you stole, you could not be found criminally liable,” Twilight concluded.

“I did not know that,” Luna admitted, blinking in surprise. “Such a law was not on the books as they say, in my time. It is good to know that it is now.”

“Yeah the nobles and business owners made a big hubbub at the time, but the bill was supported by Celestia so it got through anyway,” Twilight added.

“Neat. So what's next?” I asked, standing up from my chair. “You dismiss all charges, grant me a knighthood, and send me off with a slap on the wrist?”

“You wish to enter the service of the crown? I did not see that coming Fareeah,” Luna remarked.

“Ha, not really. It's more of an honorific back where I come from,” I dismissed. “Though if its Cadence I’m in service of…”

“There was talk about granting you a pardon for saving Cadence, and Celestia even mentioned the possibility of giving you a medal but neither of those things have been finalized,” Twilight commented pointedly, cutting me off before I could say something more about the alicorn of love.

“That's pretty fucking cool,” I murmured, tapping my chin. “A medal eh? I’m gonna need a coat to pin it on rather than this serviceable if a bit basic bit of clothing.”

“We should still speak to the store owner. It may not be necessary but I’d like to clean up any loose ends,” Twilight stated somewhat firmly.

“Then I will leave you to it. I must check in with my nightguard,” Luna added.

“And after that, hit the hay, right?” I needled, poking her in the shoulder.

“I am not sure what punching food will do but I will be getting some rest if that is what you mean,” Luna dismissed.

“Okay,” Twilight murmured, dismissing the zone of truth. “Fareeah, follow me. Let's go have a little chat.”

Author's Note

Thank you Breaded Bread for the request which resulted in this update!

Increasing My Armor Class

“So,” I began, tromping up the stairs after Twilight. “What's your sex life like?”

“I…” Twilight paused halfway up the stairs. She then stood there for a moment with a look on her face that made me think she was either trying to swallow vomit or resist the urge to hit me.

Or both.

“Why do you ask that?” She finally concluded.

We then continued upward, though at a noticeably quicker pace.

“Curiosity, really,” I admitted. “I always kind of suspected that you were either a late bloomer or asexual which would make sense given how delayed your social development was.”

“How do you know all…” Twilight sighed. “You’re not entirely incorrect though.”

We made our way through the library, pausing only briefly for Twilight to speak to a member of the guard. After it was known where we were going, and a small squad was assembled to tail us at a distance, we were off once more. This time Twilight and I walked side by side into the mean streets of Ponyville, my long strides matched by the alicorn’s four legs.

“So, not incorrect how?” I pressed.

“Maybe you are a good match for Cadence. You certainly pry as much as she does,” Twilight muttered. “And are as uncomfortably observant as her.”

“We share many passions,” I exclaimed, grinning widely.

“Yes well,” Twilight cleared her throat. “I haven't really given it much thought recently, but I suppose I’d say I’m asexual though perhaps that will change with time.”

“Don't overthink it. We are all creatures who exist in a state of flux,” I proclaimed, channeling as much cool, lesbian aunt energy as I could muster.

“Hmmm, thanks,” Twilight murmured. “It's nice to know at least someone isn't pressuring me into having kids.”

“I didn't think Cadance would do that,” I remarked.

“No, she's one of the few who don't. Its just Shining Armor, and my parents,” Twilight replied, waving off my concern. “Shining really wants to be a quote, cool older uncle while my parents are more excited for grandparenthood than they were for parenthood if you believe what my aunt says anyway.”

“All the fun stuff, but way less of the responsibility. I can see the appeal,” I muttered, tapping my chin.

“Regardless, I… hey is that Rarity?” Twilight exclaimed.

I followed her gaze to find that the white-furred unicorn was waving us down from the other side of the road. Twilight and I made our way over to the mare, who seemed to have been on the way back from a small shopping trip. Bulging saddle bags emblazoned with her cutie mark lay across her withers, their contents nearly spilling out onto the dusty road.

“Ahh, it's good that I caught you,” Rarity declared. “I have something of a surprise for our resident gnoll back at my shop.”

“Oh? Is it armor? Or a sword, or a bottle of decent alcohol?” I pressed in childlike insistence.

“I have all three of those things but only one of them is for you, darling,” Rarity countered deftly.

“I like you. Twilight can I keep her?” I asked, leaning toward the alicorn.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to give up your claim on Cadance then,” Twilight retorted.

“Ooh, another good counter. You guys are really good at this whole banter thing,” I declared, giving them an only slightly condescending slow clap.

“Yes well. When you are friends with Rainbow Dash for as long as we have been, you learn to fire back as it were. But to jump to the end here, it’s armor,” Rarity concluded.

“What, already?” I blurted, eyes wide. “How?”

“My associate has apparently been in something of a trance for the last forty-eight hours,” Rarity answered. “I think the old craftsmen called it a strange mood. Something to do with cutie marks or something.”

“I remember reading about that,” Twilight added. “It's a compulsion that overtakes a pony, making them entirely focused on a single task to the detriment of anything else.”

“Neat. So it's done then? Can I wear it?” I pressed, glancing from Twilight to Rarity expectantly.

“Armor is defensive by its very nature so I don't see why not,” Twilight admitted.

“And I was heading home already so I would be more than happy to accompany you,” Rarity added.

Twilight glanced over her shoulder and gestured with her chin towards Rarity’s boutique. The signal sent, Twilight extended a hoof in invitation.

“After you then,” Twilight offered.

“Excellent. I admit I am rather eager to rid myself of this particular piece,” Rarity declared as we began to walk towards her boutique.

“Is it that hideous?” I asked.

“I wouldn't say hideous it's just…” Rarity paused, her face scrunching up for a moment. “Intimidating.”

“A fine choice of words. I assume it's given a patron or two of yours a fright,” I added.

“You could say that again. I thought old lady Hen Feather was going to have a heart attack when she saw that helmet,” Rarity stated, shuddering at the mere memory.

“Oooh color me intrigued,” I murmured eagerly.

A few moments later we reached Rarity’s front door. The unicorn unlocked it and stepped inside, holding it open for Twilight and I to enter. We did so immediately, with me ducking under the low door frame before stepping inside and looking around with all the excited energy of a kid who had been promised a mystery present.

“Where is it? Where is my precious?” I demanded.

“Right over there darling, just give me a moment to unload my bags,” Rarity dismissed.

I followed her hoof to a bipedal stand at the back of the boutique, near the entrance to her private residence area. Covered by a cloth, I couldn't tell much about it other than that the helmet looked like a real piece of work. Just the outline alone told me that it resembled a stylized wolf helm, adding to my already bubbling curiosity.

“Ooh I have got to see this,” I proclaimed, all but sprinting across the space.

Crossing the distance I threw off the blanket that had been used to cover it.

“This is beautiful,” I murmured.

“It's hideous,” Twilight added.

“Quiet, you,” I snapped, running the back of my hand down the helmet’s cheek. “Don't listen to her. You are gorgeous.”

We were both right, in our own way. The helmet was hideous, resembling a bone-white hyena skull molded into a helmet perfectly formed for my rather unique features. It had a functioning hinged jaw sporting two rows of sharp teeth (pointier even then the ones I had naturally.)

Besides the helmet though, the armor seemed strangely normal. The breastplate was large and was bound around the bottom by a heavy leather belt with an iron buckle at the front. Lightly stylized with a pair of crossed roses just below my neck, these small flourishes seemed to be the only embellishments present.

The rest of the armor was spartan, being all the same shade of greyish black, including the roses which thankfully weren't a bright red. That would have given me away immediately, and I likely would have been forced to paint or sand them off the moment I had left. Thankfully that wasn't the case, as everything was dull, and painted dark colors, perfect for a fighter slash rogue slash druid, like me.

The armor was clearly made for protection though it did not sacrifice anything in the way of maneuverability. Its main armored components were the breastplate, the gorget that covered my neck, the steel leg coverings, and a pair of heavy gauntlets that extended all the way to my elbow. The exposed sections of my upper arms weren't completely devoid of coverings though as the metal plates also came with a dark leather that I didn't recognize.

“What is this made out of,” I murmured, rubbing the strange, rough-looking leather between my fingers. “It's really thick.”

“Treated serpent skin, apparently,” Rarity remarked, shouting from inside the kitchen. “It naturally turns that shade of black after being oiled and exposed to the air.”

“Thats wild,” I muttered.

“I read about that,” Twilight offered. “In olden days they’d used to trade the sea serpents grooming products, and fine china for the skin they shed once every few years.”

“Stephen Magnet you magnificent bastard. You’ve come in clutch once again,” I declared.

It was beautiful, and ignoring what Rarity and Twilight were talking about, I donned armor immediately. There were more then a few straps, and the leather pants and shirt took a bit of struggling to put on but thankfully Rarity had a changing room I could use. I had been fully intending on just stripping right there in front of everyone, but I didn't have much of a choice in the matter and was tossed into the aforementioned room by Twilight.

Try not to judge me too harshly. I was suffering from new armor trance and wasn't paying attention to anything but the task in front of me.

Either way, it didn't take long to have it all on, including the helmet which I was impressed to find fit me like a glove. With everything on, I noticed a few small details that weren't readily obvious before. For one, the helmet wasn't nearly as noticeable as I thought it would be, as it was actually a dull white. Secondly, it was enchanted, a fact I discovered after I knelt down to adjust the boots that came with it.

“Oooh neat,” I murmured.

My reflection had become semi-translucent, and though not invisible, would certainly make me harder to see. Why, if I was crouched in a bush it would likely be very difficult to spot me especially if I remained perfectly still. I kept this little detail to myself and stood back up, the effect ending once my back was straight.

“Are you alright in there darling? Not getting too excited by the new armor, I hope,” Rarity teased.

“Nah,” I dismissed, stepping out of the changing room. “Just really impressed with it, is all.”

“My goodness,” Rarity murmured, clutching her chest the moment she laid eyes on me. “That really does have quite the effect, doesn't it?”

“It is rather unnerving,” Twilight agreed. “Perhaps you should remove the helmet at least.”

“Yeah, no problem. You could send it back to the library or whatever. I don't want to cause a scene when we talk to that potion guy,” I replied, unhooking the helm and handing it over to Twilight.

“Oh, what is this about?” Rarity asked, an eyebrow raised.

“I saved a guy’s life but to do so I had to break in and steal some ingredients from a shop in town here,” I answered with a shrug.

“We’re going to go double check to ensure the owner won't be pressing charges,” Twilight explained further.

“Did you pay the poor stallion?” Rarity asked, looking at me.

“Of course. I may have had to break back in to do it but contrary to what I just said. I didn't actually have to break anything the second time,” I replied.

“I don't think it's going to be an issue, I just thought I’d check it out regardless,” Twilight declared.

“This investigation of yours must be reaching its conclusion soon hmm?” Rarity pressed.

“There ain't too many stories of interest left to tell at this point,” I exclaimed, glancing expectantly at Twilight.

“I’m going to conduct a few more interviews, but it likely won't change the fact that Fareeah here will likely be declared innocent,” Twilight replied. “But that will only be after the trial. I will not have any more of this extrajudicial nonsense. We are doing this properly.”

“Fine by me. I never hurt nobody,” I proclaimed, only to pause and scratch my chin. “Well, not anyone who didn't deserve it anyway.”

“Well, I for one will be looking forward to the day you are declared a free woman,” Rarity added.

“Thank you Rarity. Oh yeah uh… how much do I owe you for this and the robe?” I asked, gesturing down to my new armor.

“No charge,” Rarity dismissed. “The robe was spare cloth, and my contact simply requested an audience with you. Once he recovered from the post-strange mood coma.”

“Sure, sounds good to me,” I replied.

“Well then. Shall we be off to our original destination?” Twilight pressed, gently switching the topic of conversation.

“Lead the way, el capitan,” I proclaimed.

“Thank you again Rarity,” Twilight offered.

“It's no trouble at all darlings. Have a wonderful rest of your day,” Rarity stated, ducking into a small, graceful bow.

I was starting to like her more and more with each passing day. Honestly, every one of Twilight's friends were growing on me. With the exception of Rainbow Dash but then again I’ve always been a hater of Blue Fast.

Brushing that thought aside, I followed Twilight in silence, taking note of how the armor felt and sounded. It was quiet, deathly quiet, with their only being a slight clinking nose whenever I walked. A bit of adjustment to how I walked later and even that small noise was gone, rendering my steps as silent as death itself.

“You are scarily good at that,” Twilight remarked, glancing over at me. “Something as large as you should not be able to move as quietly as you do.”

“You’re just envious because you are about as stealthy as a herd of elephants,” I shot back, standing once more.

“I am so not envious of you,” Twilight retorted.

“You totally are, but don't worry I can teach you to be stealthy. Stealthy enough to do something like oh let's say… Not wake up everyone in the whole damn house whenever you get up in the middle of the night to take a pee,” I proclaimed.

“I uh… that would actually be nice,” Twilight muttered.

“Once this is all said and done I’ll give you a few lessons,” I replied.

Twilight and I walked through the small town of Ponyville once more, with the alicorn taking a slight lead. It wasn't long before we reached the shop I had so rudely stolen from not long ago. Though any mark of my passage was long gone, the scars of my forceful entry remained.

“Hey they replaced the window above the door handle with wood,” I remarked, rapping a knuckle against the freshly painted oak. “It's a good thing they didn't do this earlier or else I may have had to use even more forceful methods of entry.”

“Perhaps they should reinforce the door hinges while they are at it,” Twilight added.

“No point,” I dismissed. “The weak point in a door is always the stopper, or whatever its called. The clicky thing that retracts when you turn the handle.”

“Latch bolt,” Twilight offered.

“You would know that, nerd,” I prodded.

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“Just follow me,” Twilight declared.

“Sure, sure,” I muttered, folding my hands behind me and following the alicorn after she walked into the store.

It was all, as I remembered it being. Small, quaint, and oddly normal given that they sold potions and magical reagents that bore names like ground corpse orchid, and minced earth apple. Those more dangerous objects were stored on three long shelves on the wall behind the counter. Other more mundane things were piled around the small square structure, poured into crates, boxes, or small boxes bearing labels.

Though there were no shoppers present, there was one pony here, a pony who shrunk under my gaze. A small, bright red mare with an orange mane, and eyes the color of rust, she seemed barely old enough to have been in highschool never mind owning a store such as this.

“Oh god, this is it isn't it?” She muttered. “I regret soo much.”

“No need to fret sugar lips, I’m here with royalty, see?” I added, picking Twilight up and giving her a shake.

Twilight zapped with me with what I imagined was a scaled-down lightning bolt spell, allowing her to slip from my grasp and glide to the ground.

“Though it pains me to say this after being handled like some kind of oversized dog,” Twilight began, the blush coloring her cheeks slowly fading. “But yes Fareeah here will not harm you. I assure you.”

“Oh uh… okay,” the mare murmured. “How can I uh… help you two?”

I glanced around the shop, noting all the small changes that had occurred since I had ransacked it a while ago.

“Yes, we were hoping to discuss something with the owner of this establishment,” Twilight stated.

“You must be here because of the break-in,” the mare declared, a grin springing to her face.

“Yes?” Twilight exclaimed in confusion.

“Wait hold on, so you must be Freeee,” the mare declared, clopping a hoof against the counter and pointing at me. “Your penmanship was so atrocious I’m afraid my father had little clue what you were trying to say. All we got was that you were sorry and then there was your signature.”

“What? My handwriting isn't that bad!” I exclaimed. “Bah, you guys must not have cursive here.”

“Oh, we do. Yours is just… oh how did my father put it?” the mare tapped her chin. “Like a drunken doctor in a hurry.”

“Whatever,” I muttered like a bitter teenager, arms crossed over my chest.

“Is he present by chance?” Twilight asked, glancing back the way we came.

“No, no. He went on vacation. He said to give you this if you ever stopped by though,” the mare murmured, ducking below the counter and retrieving a letter which she handed to Twilight.

The alicorn opened it up and began to read aloud.

“To, my mysterious benefactor,” Twilight began, a frown immediately coming to her face. “Thank you for breaking into my little shop and saving me from bankruptcy. Please accept this diamond membership card as my thanks. Just show it to my daughter or whomever is at the shop whenever you stop by and she will give you a ninety percent discount on whatever it is you desire.”

Twilight raised a small slip of metal the size and shape of a credit card.

“Oh neat,” I muttered, grabbing the tiny thing. “Its too bad I’m not much of an alchemist.”

“As you can see I am not present,” Twilight continued. “Being as impoverished as I was, I was not able to take my darling wife for our honeymoon after marriage. I have taken this opportunity to remedy that and make up for lost time. I humbly request that you accept this card and my thanks. Purple Potion.”

“Neat, well thats done with,” I declared.

“He hasn't explicitly stated that he will not be pressing charges. So, no. That is not the end of it,” Twilight retorted.

The young mare behind the counter cleared her throat. “Turn over the letter,” she encouraged.

“P.S. I also explicitly state for any potential officer of the law who may be reading this, that I will not now nor ever press charges related to this incident,” Twilight muttered after turning the page over. “Well I guess that does solve that.”

“Told ya,” I remarked, jabbing Twilight in the side.

“Whatever. Thank you for your time ma’am. That will be all,” Twilight declared.

“No problem. You ladies have a great evening!” She replied.

“Sooo,” I began, stepping outside once more. “That has to be the last charge right? Like, there really isn't anything else you can bring against me… right?”

“Yes and no,” Twilight murmured after a short pause. “I still want to hear more about what you’ve done since you got here. Specifically about the daughters, and this dragon you mentioned.”

“Ahh yes. You’re gonna be a bit disappointed though. So, prepare for that,” I remarked, wrapping my gauntleted fingers around the back of my head.

“How so?” Twilight questioned.

“Because I didn't break any laws or really even do anything wrong,” I replied while smirking impishly.

“Thats actually a bit of a relief. If I’m being honest,” Twilight admitted.

“Huh, well alright then,” I murmured. “So, back to the library then?”

“Back to the library then,” Twilight stated.

Together we started our return trip to the Ponyville library, Twilight once more taking the lead. I fell behind easily, my mind contemplating the possibility that Twilight and I really were really friends. Sure there was a bit of bad blood there, but it was becoming easier and easier to think of her less of an uneasy enemy and more like a slightly nervous ally.

My thoughts were abruptly ended when I spotted a sad, and frightened looking Cadance. The alicorn’s wings drooped, and tears stained her beautiful face. Her pace was quick, and headed towards the train station, fleeing from the direction of Shining Armor’s camp.

“Hey Twi, you seein what I’m seeing?” I asked, pointing in Cadance’s direction.

“I’ll go to her, you stay here,” Twilight ordered, departing before I had a chance to offer a word in edgewise.

“Damn,” I muttered. “I wanted to console the pretty lady.”

Author's Note

A little thanks to you the good people of fimfiction, and a supporter who liked this story.

Character Backstory

“Saying that out loud makes me feel like a selfish dick,” I added, arms crossed over my chest. “Probably best that Twilight went. She’s probably the more diplomatic of the two of us.”

“I don't think offering to beat up Shining Armor would help,” remarked one of the guards.

I glanced over to find that the smaller, more svelte stallion that I had spoken to before had approached me. Though still armed and armored, as he was still acting as my guard, he had a relaxed posture that made me feel at ease.

“There is only one way to find out, right?” I retorted.

“It's Cadence,” he stated simply.

“Yeah,” I murmured. “She’s not like my ex. He would have been thrilled by the prospect. Might have even given me a knife.”

“Your ex does not sound like a nice person,” remarked the bat pony dryly.

“No, he was not. He did have a great sense for roleplay though. Be it at the table, or in the bed,” I added, chuckling to myself at the memory.

“Is he from before you arrived in Equestria?” inquired the guard.

“Yeah. I wish I could recall more about him,” I muttered, my brow creasing with irritation. “I knew he was a bit on the toxic side, and that he was cute as heck but other than that it's all a bit of a blur.”

“Sounds like a whirlwind romance,” stated the pony.

“I wonder if he ended up here too,” I murmured, mostly to myself.

The details were sketchy, but I didn't think he was part of the group present when I got isekaied. But with how muddy and unreliable the memories of my past were, I wouldn't be surprised if he was here too. With that thought in my head, I couldn't help but wonder where he’d be if he did end up here.

“Probably a scheming noble blowing and backstabbing his way to the top,” I whispered. “Might be a prince by now.”

“Did you say something?” Asked the guard.

“Nothing. Just thinking out loud,” I rumbled. “So do we just have to sit here all night or what?”

“Though it was Twilight's order that we remained here I believe we should return to the library,” remarked the leader of my escort. “I don't like how open it is out here.”

“And we were headed that way anyhow,” I added. “Lead the way, boss man.”

The stallion nodded, and took the lead, with the other guards in his squad taking up the rear. Unlike up until now, when they had remained nearly invisible, now they made their presence obvious. It made sense in my opinion, wouldn't want anyone to think I was just wandering around without a guard.

Might cause a panic.

“I wonder what Luney is up to,” I thought aloud.

“I wouldn't call her that to her face by the way,” the stallion replied from far ahead of me.

“I knew you could hear me then,” I shot back, chuckling. “But don't worry. I know how sensitive she might be around such a topic. Perhaps, Moon Pie would be a better nickname?”

“I think that's actually worse,” piped up another of the guards, much to my amusement.

“What about-”

In no time at all we had returned to the library though I had gotten nowhere with

“Okay, what about Lulu?” I asked, getting slightly exasperated. “That's not offensive or anything.”

“Not the worst I’ve heard before,” Luna remarked, stepping out from the kitchen with a tart and a cup of tea. “It beats Celestia’s insistence on calling me Woona.”

“Nah that's just infantilizing,” I dismissed.

“At least someone else thinks so,” Luna muttered, her tone heavy with bitter resentment.

“So,” I began, walking over to Luna. “We gonna chill downstairs until Twi gets back?”

“Why is Twilight-” Luna began, only to pause when one of her guards leaned in and began whispering in her ear. A few seconds later Luna nodded and gestured towards the door leading to the basement. “Very well then. Let us retire to somewhere private for the moment.”

I followed after her but not before snagging a couple of the tarts and a jug of water from the kitchen. I also slipped a fork into a pocket, utilizing a bit of sleight of hand to ensure that no one saw me do so. Upon seeing me return, arms laden with goodies, Luna smirked, but said nothing, silently opening the door. A few seconds later we were seated in our now familiar spots on either side of the magical recording orb, snacks, tea, and water sitting between us.

“Not bringing down your escort?” I asked, gesturing to the top of the stairs.

“You wouldn't try to assassinate me at least until after you’ve finished your food,” Luna retorted.

I chuckled, mouth full of food. “Ipf twoo.”

As I ate, I glanced occasionally at Luna’s shadow, my curiosity getting the better of me. Despite the brightness of the lights overhead, her shadow was strong and black while mine was barely visible.

“Say,” I began, swallowing hard. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“You just did,” Luna shot back.

“Har har. You know what I mean,” I retorted, rolling my eyes.

I was the only one allowed to be a snide asshole around here, thank you very much.

“Of course, my friend,” Luna exclaimed.

I was briefly touched by the earnestness in her voice, though I quickly ignored that for the moment. What I was about to ask may have some unfortunate implications, and I needed to harden my resolve lest I lose my nerve.

“You are aware that your shadow seems to have a mind of its own, yes?” I asked.

“Alicorns are creatures of magic. We are not like normal ponies,” Luna answered.

Though to most her response may have sounded normal, and delivered with a casual ease, I could tell otherwise. My senses were heightened, and I had invested a lot of points into insight. I could see how her lips pulled back, how her gaze hardened, and how her words came out sounding like they had been rehearsed.

“Oh? Let me guess. Celestia doesn't have a shadow?” I pressed.

“Not naturally, no,” Luna replied, her expression relaxing slightly. “But she applies a charm every morning out of fear that ponies may think her strange.”

“She seems a bit too preoccupied with what others think,” I pointed out.

“I suppose you could say that,” Luna tactfully admitted.

“I’ve also noticed something else,” I began again, taking a sip and watching as Luna’s shoulders stiffened once more, the mare’s eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “You seem to slip into the royal we when you get flustered. Still having trouble adjusting?”

“Ahh yes,” Luna muttered, seemingly relieved. “When I become irritated it's easy to fall into that trap.”

“Hmm,” I murmured absently.

I then picked up a crumb and flicked it at the mare, the piece of pastry bouncing off her cheek and causing Luna to frown.

“And what was that for, hmm?” Luna pressed. “Testing my reflexes?”

“Something like that,” I exclaimed, noting that yes, her shadow had moved. “Just curious ya know?”

“About what exactly?” Luna continued.

“A pet theory of mine. Oh hey, is that Twilight?” I declared, pointing up to the top of the stairs.

“I did not hear her coming,” Luna whispered, turning around and staring up at the basement door.

In a single fluid movement, I withdrew the fork and threw it at the alicorn. The piece of polished silverware flew through the air unerringly, flying straight for the alicorn’s exposed neck. It never reached its target though, as a black tentacle flew from Luna’s shadow, grabbing it and throwing it aside.

“What did… Oh no,” Luna murmured, glancing back at me.

“Now this is intriguing,” I exclaimed with a grin. “You got some cool powers, Lulu.”

“No no no. Go away,” Luna spat.

The alicorn physically pushed at the tentacles, though they didn't move and continued to writhe between us like a physical barrier. Or an overprotective barrier.

“That's a neat trick. How did you do that?” I inquired. “I didn't see your horn glow.”

“It's not me I just… Augh why won't you go back?” Luna growled.

Then, much to my confusion as well as my amusement, the tentacles formed into what looked like an equine-shaped head. It only got weirder from there, as its lips parted, and the creature of darkness began to speak despite its lack of vocal chords.

“But she attempted to assault you,” it hissed.

“That doesn't matter. You are not supposed to form. You know what will happen should they find out you still live,” Luna growled, still trying and failing to shove the shadow monster back into the ground.

“Wait, still live?” I muttered, my eyes going wide. “Wait, this isn't Nightmare Moon is it?”

“No, it is a spell! Nothing more,” Luna proclaimed.

“Give it up Luna. She figured it out,” remarked the shadow creature.

“Fi!” Luna cursed, falling back into her chair. “Then let the repercussions for your actions fall solely upon thine head!”

“Fi, what a funny word,” I murmured while giggling to myself.

“How did you discover my presence, hmm?” Nightmare Moon demanded, her neck extending until she was mere inches away from my face. “Who ha you told? Speak damn you! I demand answers.”

“Nighty, relax. I’m sure there is a good reason for all this,” Luna added.

“Sorry about the fork by the way. I just assumed you had some kind of protection spell on you,” I replied with a shrug. “The rest of this was just a happy accident honestly.”

“What? So you didn't know I was not killed?” Nightmare Moon asked, slightly defeated.

“Well I suspected something was up don't get me wrong but it's not like I knew decisively that Nightmare Moon was still possessing Luna,” I shot back.

“I am not possessing anyone,” Nightmare Moon growled, jabbing a pitch-black hoof at me. “Don't assume to understand anything about us.”

“Relax Moonie,” Luna repeated, running a gentle hoof down the shadow creature’s neck. “Fareeah knows little of our situation.”

“That does not excuse her rudeness,” spat the dark creature.

“Well, I’m all ears. Feel free to explain it to me,” I offered.

“We do not need to explain anything to you,” Nightmare Moon sneered.

“We do not need to, but I would like to,” Luna commented, pulling Nightmare Moon in close, and nuzzling the shadow creature’s cheek. “Despite her rude attempt to fork us. She is still a friend.”

“Heh, fork you,” I murmured, giggling to myself.

“You are too kind,” Nightmare Moon muttered.

“That may be, but thankfully I have you to protect me,” Luna purred.

I watched as the princess of the night rubbed her cheeks with a strange, venom-looking shadow creature. Who seemed very happy with this, as evidenced by the fact that it made some of the strangest purring I’ve ever heard. I struggle to even put it into words, with the closest possible description being what if you put a crotch rocket underwater, gunned, and put the ensuing sound through a bass-boosted synthesizer.

Yeah, I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but I told you that was the best I had.

“And here I thought I was bad for P.D.A’s,” I remarked aloud, arms crossed over my chest. “Ya’ll bring on a whole new level of weird.”

“Silence, knave,” growled Nightmare Moon. “Speak ill of Luna again and I will end you.”

“Damn, Kitty’s got claws,” I mocked, flashing my own talons at the shadow creature.

“Do you want to know what happened or are you going to keep antagonizing Moony?” Luna retorted.

“Sorry, sorry. Go ahead,” I offered, leaning back in my chair.

“To start, I think you should dispel a few of the common myths our friend here likely already believes,” Luna added.

“For one. I am not some kind of split personality or the like,” Nightmare Moon muttered.

“Aww,” I bitterly exclaimed. “There goes all my self-love jokes.”

“We do share the same body, however,” Luna remarked.

“And just like that they’re back,” I joked.

“Do you take anything seriously?” Nightmare Moon deadpanned.

“Just my coffee,” I replied.

“That doesn't even make sense,” Nightmare Moon muttered.

“Please stop interrupting,” Luna politely demanded.

“Shutting up now,” I quickly exclaimed, miming the action of zippin' my mouth shut.

“Well it all began nearly one thousand and one hundred years ago,” Luna began, her tone gaining a wistful edge to it. “I was investigating rumors of a fallen star when I came across my Moony.”

“I didn't have a body,” Nightmare Moon added. “I was just a goo or something.”

“This silly thing attacked me and in a panic I struck back, nearly killing her,” Luna murmured, gazing down at Nightmare Moon. “Though the blow was deep, she didn't perish, and not knowing what to do. I took her into my custody.”

“I couldn't even speak or even see at that point. I needed a host,” Nightmare Moon stated.

“Which you got after I was able to infiltrate your dreams and finally speak to you,” Luna remarked. “And just in time to as you had nearly died from starvation at that point.”

“Little did I know we would become so intertwined,” Nightmare Moon exclaimed with a chuckle.

“In time we drew closer, until even our souls became one, and nothing not even death would keep us apart,” Luna wistfully exclaimed, a hoof caressing Nightmare Moon’s chin.

“I don't want to interrupt. Oh who am I kidding, I very much want to interrupt, but where exactly did you come from?” I inquired.

“I have no idea,” Nightmare Moon admitted. “Landing in Equestria is the first clear memory I have. The rest were muddy even then and now, after over a thousand years they’ve faded so much I can barely recall anything at all.”

“You don't remember being something else like say a human, by chance?” I pressed.

“I don't think so,” Nightmare Moon murmured, her pitch-black eyes staring off into space. “I remember that I had a mission. I knew that I had to stop something terrible and that I would need to make allies, amass armies, and assemble great heroes if I was going to have a hope of averting the disaster I knew was coming.”

“Yeenaghu,” I murmured.

“That sounds familiar what is a Yee nog oooh?” Nightmare Moon asked back, head titled to one side. “My thoughts remain muddled even now.”

“The god of slaughter,” I muttered. “Stopping him was the entire point of the Dungeons and Dragons game that I was playing. Before I ended up here of course.”

“I thought you said that this game of yours began only a few months ago,” Luna interrupted. “Moony has been with me for over millennia at this point.”

“Maybe we all arrived at different points in time? I don't know. I’m just spitballing here,” I answered, giving the pair an apologetic shrug.

“It doesn't matter one way or the other,” Nightmare Moon dismissed. “I’m here now and I refuse to ever leave.”

“Daww Moony,” Luna purred.

“I have a few quick questions,” I added, hastily jumping in before the two could start getting cuddly again. “Namely about that whole civil war between you and your sister.”

“Don't believe Celestia’s propaganda,” Nightmare Moon spat. “It was not fought over something as petty as simple envy.”

“Celestia refused to listen to Moony’s warnings, so we built our own armies in secret, establishing a force large enough to defend against Yeenaghu, should he return,” Luna stated.

“Then how did the whole thing boil over?” I pressed.

“Celestia discovered our plans and sought to thwart us. Arguments were had, and finally, there was a confrontation,” Nightmare Moon began, the shadow creature scowling angrily. “Then just as things were beginning to cool down. Celestia attacked our forces and slew our soldiers.”

“We don't know who drew first blood,” Luna interrupted. “We scoured the battlefield after the fighting but could never discover who it was that launched the first strike.”

“Cultists maybe,” I theorized. “Or changeling infiltrators perhaps.”

“Both are unlikely,” Nightmare Moon hastily added. “Celestia’s templars may be a pack of raging sociopaths with an axe to grind but they nearly wiped out both groups before we even came to blows.”

“After all that the rebellion was mostly a bloodless affair,” Luna declared. “Even with all the bad blood between us. My sister and I never wished to kill one another or anything quite so brutal.”

“You are too soft,” Nightmare Moon murmured angrily.

“No wonder you enjoy being a part of me,” Luna retorted.

Nightmare Moon shrunk down and shivered in what I can only imagine was the strangest kind of blush I’d ever seen.

“Ignoring that,” I began again, clearing my throat. “I have more questions but I think we should save them for another time.”

“Yes, I think Twilight is returning soon,” Luna added.

“A quick two then. One,” I exclaimed, holding up a finger. “I’m assuming you want this to be a secret.”

“Obviously,” Nightmare Moon retorted.

“Great, and two. What pronouns do you use anyway?” I asked, cocking my head. “I just assumed female but given your lack of traditional biology that's not a given.”

“I use it, or they. Something non-gendered, preferably,” Nightmare Moon replied.

“I thought I heard Luna over here calling you a she,” I pointed out.

“I’m allowed to,” Luna proclaimed, somewhat proudly.

“And she is the only one allowed to,” Nightmare Moon added.

“Noted. Thanks for chatting Moony,” I exclaimed.

“You aren't allowed to use that either,” Nightmare Moon growled.

“Oh come on. Give me something then,” I whined. “Nightmare Moon is way too many syllables.”

“How about just Night or Nighty?” Luna offered.

“Night,” Nightmare Moon stated. “I will not be infantilized by an overgrown hyena with an overbite.”

“At least I’m not a venom rip-off with attachment issues,” I shot back.

For a moment I could tell that Nightmare Moon wanted to shoot back, to make a remark and hopefully hurt my feelings. Unfortunately for her, the door to the basement opened, prompting the creature of darkness to flee back to the safety of Luna’s shadow.

“Sorry about that,” Twilight began, the mare appearing quite disheveled. “That turned out to be a whole thing.”

“Hey, no worries. You didn't miss much,” I added. “Luna and I were just chilling and eating tarts.”

“We left one for you,” Luna remarked, giving me a knowing, and appreciative nod.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll wait to eat until after this round of questions is over. I don't want to end up like last time,” Twilight muttered, taking a seat.

“Right, so where were we? The daughters of Eve and the dragon right?” I offered.

“Let's start with the daughters,” Twilight pressed.

“Okay, where to begin,” I murmured, scratching my chin. “Ahh, I know!”

Author's Note

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Party Down Time

Tiny swung slowly back and forth, his hammock creaking slightly with each movement.

“You were right boss,” he remarked. “This hammock thing is great. Why didn't we think of this?”

“Because we were too busy not getting eaten,” deadpanned Bronze Back, the stallion lying in the crook of a large oak tree, hat draped over his eyes.

“That and we ain't exactly the best at this whole roughing it thing,” Ivory Mill remarked, sipping at a drink while she too reclined in another hammock.

“Don't worry about it. Y'all got me now,” I added.

“And thank all the stars in heaven for that,” Bronze Back muttered.

I chuckled to myself and glanced about the small copse of trees near the edge of a swamp. The surrounding area wasn't exactly a pleasant sight, but this little grove was the perfect pocket of calm. The trees were tall, the ground lush with short grasses and (apparently) delicious flowers.

A half dozen hammocks were strung about the area in a rough circle, though not all of them were occupied. Bronze Back preferred sleeping on the ground, with his back to a tree, which he claimed was more comfortable but I doubted that. It probably had something to do with him being an earth pony, though I couldn't know that for certain.

Either way, it was a nice little retreat in a more relaxed section of the woods devoid of the large predators that plagued most of it. Here I and my friends could relax, take in the cool afternoon air, and catch some much-needed Z’s. A family of woodpeckers had moved in near the hideout and seemed exclusively to work at night, for some reason.

A picnic basket stuffed with food sat nearby, and though I was hungry, I ignored it. The hammock was just too nice, and I could feel sleep slowly begin to claim me. My eyelids started to become heavy, as did my limbs, and for a moment I allowed the siren song of rest to whisk me off.

Only for the sound of pounding hooves to make me open my eyes.

“You will not believe what it is I have located in this foul wood,” proclaimed a haughty tone I immediately recognized as coming from Pilfered Pommel.

“No one cares,” Tiny spat, throwing a pinecone at Pilfered. “We’re trying to relax here.”

“There will come time for relaxation later,” he retorted, batting the brown projectile aside with his magic. “For there are riches to claim and adventure to be had!”

“Would you quit yer yapping?” Merry Mead snapped. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“I can see that but I must press that you will want to hear about my discovery. I believe even our fearless leader will be interested,” Pilfered Pommel continued.

“Alright, out with it but you have only three words to entice me,” I exclaimed without opening my eyes.

Pilfered Pommel paused, weighed his words, and spoke once more. “Forgotten Jungle Temple.”

My eyes snapped open and I looked over to the grinning feminine stallion curiously.

“For real?” I asked.

“It is indeed real,” he replied, standing a little straighter. “It even appears to be unplundered. I suspect it may be full to the brim with ancient lost artifacts and untold riches.”

“Okay, there Frilly. You got my attention,” Steel Shod declared, hopping deftly from her hammock and trodding over to her pile of armor. “Where abouts is this temple of yers anyhow?”

“Only an hour’s trot from here,” Pilfered exclaimed, pointing in a vaguely southern direction. “The terrain is tough but thankfully not terribly treacherous.”

“That would bring us close to the southern jungles,” I murmured. “It's a quagmire down there.”

“It is indeed close but still within the bounds of the Everfree,” He continued.

“Whelp. Count me intrigued,” Bronze Back stated, rising from his resting spot and donning his leather cap. “I could use a hike.”

“I’m staying out of this one,” Merry Mead remarked. “I think I’ve developed claustrophobia after that last adventure down in those old mines you claimed were full of gems.”

“I would have you know that they were. We merely took too long to return there and some other miscreant must have made off with our loot,” Pilfered proclaimed, raising his nose high into the air.

“I’m gonna hang back with Merry,” Ivory added. “I finally managed to figure out this hammock thing and I don't think I’ll be able to get out.”

“Alright, so that leaves Pilfered Pommel, Bronze Back, and Steel Shod. What about Tiny, do you-” I began, only to be cut off by a long, rumbling snore that came from Tiny. “I think that answers that. Come on you lot. Let's go get plunder some ancient ruins.”

“Hear hear!” Pilfered Pommel exclaimed.

“So,” I remarked as we walked down an ill-used path in a dark section of the Everfree. “How'd you find out about this place anyway?”

“I purchased a map from a local blackguard running a two-bit scam at the local watering hole,” Pilfered Pommel proclaimed while shining his breastplate with a rag held aloft by his magic. “She claimed there were many such sites all over the Everfree but so far none of them have been true until now.”

“Wait. You bought a map from someone you acknowledge was a scam artist?” Bronze Back remarked with a snort. “No wonder you lost your fortune.”

“That was fate in the form of a house fire. And I suppose purchase is such a strong word,” Pilfered began again. “It is more apt to say that I acquired it from her.”

“When she wasn't looking most likely, and wasn't it a tornado last time?” Steel Shod stated, then asked.

“It is true that she wasn't aware of me acquiring her maps though I’d like to preempt your attack and state that it is not stealing provided that the item itself had already been stolen,” Pilfered Pommel exclaimed.

“So that's what you’ve been up to since y'all’s last run to town,” I muttered, mostly to myself. “I wondered why you were so intent on getting alone time. I just figured you were beating your meat or something.”

“What a preposterous thing to say,” Pilfered spat, raising his nose into the air. “You are the carnivore here, miss. Not I.”

“I swear it's like this guy doesn't even know what sex is,” I muttered.

“You know I’ve never heard him mention a filly friend, or a colt friend either,” Steel Shod added.

“It's a good thing he is so focused on making money, it keeps you from making fool decisions. Why when I was his age I’d already had two failed marriages and a conviction of tax evasion.”

“You didn't pay your taxes? Why not?” Steel Shod inquired.

“I don't respect the government,” Bronze Back declared.

“I like you more and more every time you open your mouth,” I remarked, smirking at the old stallion.

“Hmmm you’re too young for me,” Bronze Back replied. “Though you do remind me of my first ex-wife, and second ex-husband.”

“I would pay good money to read a memoir of your life,” I muttered.

“Ditto,” Steel Shod added.

“Hark! On yonder hill, I doth see our destination!” Pilfered Pommel proclaimed.

I picked up my pace, jogging alongside my friends as we caught back up with the svelte stallion just as he broke through a wall of vegetation. Once past the thick bushes and heavy vines, we were treated to the sight of a clearly ancient stone structure. A creek ran nearby, and the swamp encroached on one side, obscuring the squat building from all but the most determined of seekers.

“No wonder no one’s found this before,” I murmured to myself.

Tucked half under a small rocky rise, you wouldn't know it was there unless you approached it from the side we did. It was clear to me that whoever had built this place had not intended for it to be easily found. The blank stone bore no symbols, with the upper section being carved to resemble natural rock.

The only thing that stuck out about it was the pair of large stone doors that opened to reveal the dark expanse within. Had they been closed, and the area undisturbed I have little doubt that Pilfered likely would have walked right past it.

“Did you go inside?” I asked.

“That is strange,” Pilfered murmured. “The doors were open before, but not all the way. Someone must have located it between when I left, and when I returned.”

“You think the scam artist had backups?” Steel Shod asked.

“Seems likely,” Bronze Back grumbled.

“For once I must agree,” Pilfered muttered.

I leaned down, and inspected the ground, wiping a finger across the mossy stone ground.

“Couple of ponies by the looks of things,” I murmured absently, following the small hoof prints to the wet ground nearby. “Probably earth ponies given the depth, and the fact that they didn't just fly to the entrance.”

“What else can you tell?” Bronze Back prompted, crouching down next to me and inspecting the tracks.

“They had animals with them… I think,” I remarked, pointing down. “Their tracks get all muddied around here but by the time they reach the door only a single set of animal prints remain.”

“Perhaps they had an altercation with some forest beasts,” Pilfered offered.

“Doubt it,” I replied simply. “None of the dirt is disturbed.”

“It seems probable that they used some manner of tracking animal to lead them hear, then discarded them when it was no longer required,” Bronze Back theorized. “Irregardless, we must press on.”

“Redundant,” Pilfered remarked.

“I know you are but I am keeping you anyway. That big shiny breastplate will draw all the attention,” Bronze retorted.

“I meant the word irregardless, not me you dolt,” Pilfered spat back.

“Be quiet. This is serious,” I interrupted, crouching low. “Stay behind me and try not to make too much noise.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Steel Shod retorted.

“Because you are the only one wearing full plate,” I shot back.

“Yes, but it is properly strapped see? Barely makes a sound,” Steel Shod declared, the mare pausing to do a weird, jerking dance.

“Fair enough. Bronze, Pilfered, you ready for this?” I asked.

“It's about time we got some action,” Bronze muttered, tightening a strap on his leather armor and then drawing one of his hand axes.

“Just a moment, found a spot,” Pilfered muttered. The stallion hastily buffed out a spot on his breastplate before levitating his sword out from its scabbard and above his head. “There we are. Lead on, my lady.”

“I’ll be out front. Pilfered I want you in the back with Bronze. Steel Shod, you're the spear tip. Got it?” I stated, glancing at each of my companions in turn.

They each nodded, grunted, or saluted when my eyes passed over their face.

“Good. Leave about twelve feet between us and use as little light as possible,” I added. “Let's roll.”

I didn't wait for my small squad of ruin raiders to sound off before I began to creep forward, dagger in hand. Crouched low, I didn't get far before I paused, and let my eyes adjust to the absolute darkness waiting for me inside. Behind me, I could tell that my companions were doing the same, with Pilfered summoning a small glowing ball of light. Thankfully he hid it a moment later, leaving me in pitch darkness.

Down the hall I went, only I was fairly certain it wasn't actually a hall. Toolmarks were sparse, and both the height as well as the width changed every few feet or so. Though it never became cramped, I did have to crouch quite low at a few points. With a ground mostly unmarred by alteration I was fairly confident that there weren't any traps waiting for us. Adding to my confidence was the small, but still noticeable hoof tracks that proceed before me.

Evidently, they had been careful as the tracks weren't consistent but they couldn't hide their passing completely. Not from me anyway.

Either way, it wasn't long before we exited into a much larger, much more open space that felt both more and less natural. The cave was expansive, with a tall ceiling and a wide open space but at the other end of the mostly unaltered space was a clearly unnatural structure. Built almost like a church or something like that, there was a set of double doors beside which had been a pair of windows. Though both had crumbled likely due to simple age, I couldn't tell much from this distance. Only that the structure was large.

“What now?” Whispered a voice.

“Stay low, stay quiet,” I replied without turning around.

I didn't look back to check if they understood, and continued on, creeping forward, being wary of traps. Though I doubted anyone had installed anything as grizzly as a pit trap, I remained vigilant. Nature herself had a habit of adding pitfalls of her own, malice not required.

Though the ground was uneven at points, there were no obstacles, and soon I reached one of the windows. Peering within, I saw a mostly square hall lined with rows of pillars the paint that had once adorned them having mostly peeled away to reveal the barren stone beneath. Little seemed to have survived of the original structure, save for the bare supports, and the ghostly remnants of what had once been furniture.

Moldering piles of long rotted wood were grouped in such a way that made me think that this was once a meeting hall of some kind. None of it was really recognizable to me, but I could at least make out two white rings painted in the middle of the floor. Interlocked, they served as the one piece of art that had survived the passage of time.

Creeping inside, I slunk forward, seeking out any sign of movement. Failing that, I tried to spot any traps but found that there was simply nothing there. Nothing save for a stone door that hung lopsided on its hinges, the metal that had held it up rusting away to nothing. I motioned for my friends to approach, and rose to my full height.

“Spread out,” I whispered. “Search the area for any sign of who made this but don't go any further in.”

“Or any valuable that may have survived the ravages of time,” Pilfered added.

“That too,” I agreed.

“What about traps? I heard these old temples are full of them,” Steel Shod whispered nervously.

“You read too many Daring Do books,” Bronze exclaimed.

“It's not impossible that there may be some around here but I doubt we’ll run into any,” I replied. “I believe that whoever made this thought that secrecy alone would be enough to ward off intruders.”

“If you say so boss,” Steel Shod muttered.

As they moved about the room, searching a section for any loot or hint at who built this place, I went over to the only other door. Peering down the hall I noticed that it was much like the space I was currently standing in only narrower with lower ceilings. It also seemed less worn by the passage of time the further you went in, with paint visible at the edges of my vision.

“Looks like it woulda been a nice place,” I murmured.

Inspecting the stone door, I noticed almost immediately that it likely hadn't ended up in its sorry state from time alone. Something had slammed into it with considerable force, knocking it off two of its three hinges. The final set of brass fixings was still clinging to the stone, keeping it from falling completely. Slightly corroded, and suffering minor damage they’d give out in time, but probably not for months if not years.

“They built things to last,” I remarked, prodding the door.

Next, I crouched low and looked down to find that whatever had slammed into the door had been short. At about pony height, only slightly taller, the indent was wide, with the imprint of horns visible on either side. On first look it appeared to me that a ram had well, rammed into the barrier, knocking it mostly off its hinges.

“Makes sense,” I murmured. “There isn't a door knob or any obvious way of opening it.”

“Hey boss,” someone whispered. “Take a look at this.”

I crept over to where the three ponies were crouched around a small metal plaque lying in the middle of a moldering pile of rotten wood. Apparently excavated from the mound, the plate was quite large and had upon it raised lettering in a language I didn't understand. It looked flowery and had only a passing resemblance to what little Equestrian I had seen so far.

“What is it?” I muttered.

“Deerling,” Pilfered replied, his tone heavy with seriousness for the first time in a long time. “The written language of the ancient deer.”

“Aren't they extinct?” Bronze Back murmured in confusion.

“A few pockets still exist if you listen to the rumours but they have no true cities. Not anymore anyway,” Pilfered stated sadly.

“What happened?” I prompted.

“When first the god of slaughter sought to wipe this planet clean of life, only the deer had an advanced enough of a society to resist him,” Pilfered began. “Though they were able to banish him, they could not slay him and the strain of the spell supposedly robbed their entire people of their magic.”

“I heard about that,” Bronze Back added. “Supposedly a bunch of them ended up dumb beasts and what didn't, are doomed to slowly die off. Unable to reproduce in big enough numbers to ever get back to where they were.”

“That's… grim,” Steel Shod murmured.

“It's Yeenoghu. Of course, it's going to be brutal,” I added.

“My grandfather used to tell me stories of the ancient deer,” Pilfered Pommel remarked. “He’d describe their grand cities and sprawling forest homes but he also told me of their ancient vaults.”

“Like the one we’re standing in now,” I stated.

“Indeed,” Pilfered Pommel agreed. “And this plaque is evidence of that.”

“So what does it say?” Steel Shod eagerly pressed.

“An exact translation is impossible. Their words were versatile, meaning multiple different things based on the context,” Pilfered warned. “But I can tell that this was a vault and one that was supposed to open before the next coming of Yeenoghu. From what I can tell it didn't hold weapons or the like but knowledge.”

“Interesting,” I murmured. “Let's keep going. I have a feeling there are more clues to what purpose this place served further inside.”

Now with every last bit of joviality blown out of them, the three ponies fell in behind me. Questions concerning Pilfered’s possible deer heritage were pushed aside for the moment we headed deeper.

Heading back to the hallway, I took the lead once more with my friends staying a little closer this time. I couldn't say I blamed them for not respecting my orders to hang further back, this place certainly felt far creepier than it had a minute ago.

Sure enough, the damage done by the passage of time was minimal after only a dozen or so meters. The walls bore paint as bright as the day it had been applied, showing images of deer engaged in combat with endless legions of hyenas. I spotted only a few gnolls in their number, the bipeds likely serving as generals in Yeenoghu’s army.

Though unnerving, the murals weren't terribly interesting. That was until we passed by two of them and saw what appeared to be the final one in the long line. There, depicted in surprising detail was what looked like the whole of Equestria.

“Isn't this painting several thousand years old?” Whispered Steel Shod. “How do they know where Canterlot would end up being constructed.”

“They even got Ponyville, and Vanhoover on here,” Bronze Back added, pointing to the small cluster of colorful buildings painted on the wall.

“I’m getting some serious deja vu here,” I muttered to myself.

“But what is that at the top,” Pilfered Pommel pointed out.

I glanced up to where three lights were descending from the heavens. One was red, another green, and the last one was black. They were arranged in a sort of line, with the black being the closest to the ground, followed by the emerald one and finally, the crimson orb was last.

“The prophecy of blazing skies,” Pilfered Pommel murmured, peering intently at some writing at the base of the mural. “May the light of another world illuminate our own and save us from the god of slaughter.”

“That's metal as heck,” I remarked.

“G-g-guys, what was that?” Steel Shod whispered.

My ears perked up and I looked over to find a dark shape crawling towards us. It was then that my nose twitched and all at once I was assaulted with the pungent aroma of rot. I knew before my eyes adjusted that we were facing some manner of zombie.

Sure enough, the creature that came into view was exactly what I assumed it to be. The creature dragged the back half of its body along the ground, trailing its half-maggot-eaten intestines behind it. Its eyes, white and unseeing, twitched this way and that while its jaws clacked open and shut every few seconds.

“Oh joy,” I began, rolling my eyes. “Necromancy.”

Author's Note

Join me over on patreon or Subscribestar and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

Below are a list of supporters some past, some present that have earned my eternal gratitude. Thank you All.

Jimmi Kristensen Demonxenomorph1987 Orivon Kloud Strahil Terziiski Jesse Goodnight Jessie Smith Kiddwizard Sebastian Molina Ozxecho Damien Scerri David Hedrick Owen Thomas Morr Szilard Afell Tale Weirdocat Dragonus85 Derpydude9001 Generic Pony Yaki Lolman3121 Elysia Joshua Crowell Little Insane Joshua Molina Boonman Lavamoon Big Corn Ewan Maclean OSK Mrburgerdon 2scoopsplz Lacunae Dale Thatguyplays32 Geraldo Plock ConfusAJ Verge T Pensive Random Videos Eclipse_Corp. Lotus Petals ChrisBarnes Mathew Whitney Trixie Lulamoon Matias Duran Aang Sylver SRGTartman Tacocat598 MestreJ Nightwing Dragon'ssheppard1995 Venerable Ro Lich Lord Krosis Canary In The Coal Mine Spacedude Ceepert Peter Coulthard Tom Facinus M VI Watch Starless Tiwake Tailsic Nightwing Sunset Flash.

Mausoleum of Frights

“You’ve seen this before?” Steel Shod asked, cowering behind me alongside Pilfered Pommel.

“Not in person but I know plenty about it, but we can chat more after we’ve dealt with this thing,” I replied.

“Which we do. How exactly?” Bronze Back inquired, hefting an axe.

“Blunt force preferably. Slashing weapons won't do much and piercing ones will just get stuck,” I answered. “Here watch.”

I stepped over and picked up a large stone that had dislodged itself from the ceiling at some point. Giving it a test toss, I felt like it was sufficiently heavy enough for what I had in mind. And just in time too, as the creature had seemly sensed our presence and was slowly dragging itself in our direction while gurgling something incomprehensible.

“Hup.”

The rock smashed into the creature’s skull like a cannonball, exploding its head and sending roten brains all over the ground behind it. The zombie wavered, swinging right then left before finally falling over, dead for a second time.

“Just remember to aim for the head, and keep them at range,” I began, placing my hands on my hips. “They are slow, but they can take more hits than you’d assume. Don't underestimate the undead in general but especially not zombies.”

“Probably shouldn't let them get a hold of ya either. Or give ya bite,” Bronze Back added.

“Ya don't have to worry about getting turned into one of them by a bite. That's not how you end up an undead,” I remarked.

“Now who’s been reading too much Daring Do?” Steel Shod retorted, sticking her tongue out at the old stallion.

“I warned ya cus they probably got a ton of diseases in their mouth ya dolt,” Bronze Back shot back, cuffing the mare upside the head.

“A fair point,” I admitted with a shrug.

“You don't seem outfitted for such foes, my lady. Perhaps we should retreat for a moment,” Pilfered Pommel offered, gesturing to my knife.

“Hmm, give me a sec. I thought I saw something back there,” I exclaimed.

I walked back a fair bit, only to stop suddenly and pluck a fallen pillar from the ground. So thick that my hand barely wrapped around half of it, the makeshift club was heavy, but thankfully the same length as a baseball bat. It felt sturdy despite it having broken off from the rest of its body and after a few test swings I nodded approvingly.

“This will do,” I declared.

“Gurl you are crazy,” Steel Shod remarked. “I bet you could take someone’s head off with that thing.”

“Knowin' the boss, that's probably the goal,” Bronze Back added.

“You know me so well,” I replied, stifling my chuckle. “But let's go bash some heads and loot some tombs.”

“Hear, hear!” They exclaimed.

With morale buoyed somewhat, we headed deeper, with me taking up the lead once more. With a quicker pace, we traversed the surprisingly long tunnel in little time, stepping past another broken door. The moment I did so, I was bombarded by unpleasant smells, and worrying sounds coming from further in.

The space itself was rather odd, with the temple having collapsed, giving way to a natural cavern that had formed nearby. Water trickled down from above, falling into a pit so deep I had no hope of seeing the bottom. The rain-slick ground was slippery, making the already treacherous fitting worse still.

More importantly, was the sound of battle and the pungent aroma of rotting flesh that stung my nose and assaulted my ears. Following its source, I could see that a mass of zombified deer corpses were pounding away at a bright blue sphere that stood at the top of a short set of stairs. There I could see a half dozen female equines of various tribes huddled around a somewhat skeletal deer holding a teal orb in his upraised hoof.

“Alright fellas, we got ourselves a mission,” I declared, slapping my stone bat into my open palm. “We gotta kill something close to fifty rotting zombie maggot farms and save ourselves some mares.”

“And what looks to be a lich,” Pilfered Pommel added.

“That's just a consequence of the first thing,” I replied, rolling my shoulders and flexing my arms. “Classic wedge formation. Steel, you’re on my right. Bronze, on my left. Pilfered, I want you to finish off any that we don't kill.”

“I will make sure that your backside remains unmolested, my lady,” Pilfered proclaimed.

“Do that and I may let you do so,” I exclaimed, laughing already. “Now let's go be big goddamn heroes.”

“Wait, hold on,” Twilight interrupted. “You just charged right in? With treacherous footing, twenty-to-one odds, and an unknown foe?”

“Well yeah. We didn't exactly have time to come up with some kinda complicated plan,” I retorted, crossing my arms over my chest. “Or would you rather I have just let them die?”

“I... well. I'm just a bit surprised you didn't. Perish that is,” Twilight added.

“Obviously not,” Luna exclaimed, gesturing to me.

“Well yeah. Obviously she survived the ordeal but how did it go?” Twilight asked.

“Surprisingly easily,” I answered. “We stayed in formation. I bludgeoned nearly half of them to death myself and together we had nearly re-killed over three-quarters of them. Then things really got crazy.”

“Crazy, how?” Luna pressed.

“So,” I began, leaning forward. “Get this-”

Though the ground was slick with liquid rot, and a horde still twenty-strong was closing in, spirits remained high. With every swing of my makeshift club, I bashed in at least one skull while behind me the rest of my squad continued their grim work. Bronze Back was the most efficient, the old woodcutter chopping through necks and splitting skulls with ease. Steel Shod did a decent job, punching, kicking, and occasionally head-butting a zombie hard enough to take off a limb. She hadn't killed as many, but she was also completely uninjured, the pony’s plate mail stopping the zombies from being able to bite her.

Bronze and I had taken a few minor injuries, but it was mostly bruises, with our leather armor keeping us safe from their teeth though not the force behind it. Pilfered Pommel was similarly unharmed, though the stallion was indeed pulling his weight. I had noticed more than a few times when he had cut down a zombie that me, Bronze, or Steel had assumed was already dead only for the blighter to try and bite us and get intercepted by Pilfered.

Together we made for a great team, crushing, stabbing, and hacking our way through the press of bodies. Despite our success, I could feel my arms starting to slow, as exhaustion started to sap even my vaunted strength. The strikes of my allies had long since begun to grow sluggish, though to my continued amazement Bronze Back stubbornly refused to show any signs of slowing.

The old bastard was as stubborn as they came, and I felt my appreciation for him grow with every enemy he killed. Such thoughts were interrupted when I saw the barrier ahead of us flicker and die. Given that it was our main source of illumination I felt a harsh spike of worry ram its way into my chest. Thankfully such concerns didn't end up mattering as the deer caster replaced one light source with another.

Flickering blue flames erupted in a pair of lines above my head, illuminating the area far better than the force field had. That wasn't all he did though, as he also launched a blue fireball that erupted in the middle of the zombie horde, laying low half a dozen in a single blast and sending more flying. His companions, the six females he had been helping, joined the fray a moment later, though their attacks were even stranger than his.

One turned into a ram and charged forth, stomping zombies with her large hooves and knocking off heads with a twist of her own head. A second had become a bear and was destroying at least one zombie with every swipe of her claws. The final shapeshifter was now what looked like a silverback gorilla, and she seemed more intent on tossing the zombies into the crevices on either side of the room.

The final three daughters either hung back or used light healing magic to mend the wounds of not only her companions but us as well. The implication was clear. We were on a team, and it was the living against the dead. With one minor exception but you know what I mean.

Between such power, we easily crushed the remaining zombies before going about the grim task of finishing off those who hadn't died fully. When the last of the reaper’s work was done, we gathered near the entrance to the room which was thankfully less covered in liquified rot or blackened blood. I could tell they were nervous, and so to aid the coming diplomacy, I tossed aside my club and rested my hands on my hips.

“Hail and well met,” I greeted. “I’m glad you joined when you did. Swatting so many rotters is tiresome.”

“Who are you anyway? I thought gnolls were all demons,” muttered one of them.

“Well that's a fine how do you do,” I muttered. “I’m Fareeah, this is Bronze Back, Steel Shod, and finally Pilfered Pommel.”

No sooner had I introduced the foppish stallion than the deer lunged forward, his one skeletal eye blazing intently. He grabbed Pilfered by the shoulder, and though I was tempted to stop him I detected no ill intent in him. Sure enough, he began to babble something in a strange language that no one present, save for Pilfered, seemed to understand.

I’m going to do you both a favor here and abridge things slightly. When the deer talks, I’m just going to give you the translation of what he said. Sound good? Good. So here's what happened.

Though everyone was nervous, I held them back with a stern look, keeping tension from boiling over until finally he was done speaking.

“So, what he say boy?” Bronze Back exclaimed.

“He said I’m part deer. That I have to warn the rest of his, er our kin, and that we need to rally against the coming of the bloody one,” Pilfered Pommel murmured.

“Yeenoghu,” I added.

“I knew there was something important down here. The forest would not cry out in pain like it did if there was not some manner of corruption gnawing at its roots,” the shapeshifting ram equine declared somewhat triumphantly.

“That still didn't make charging off without us a bad idea,” another of them spat.

The deer however was talking again, killing the conversation and drawing all eyes to him.

“My time is short. The spell that was supposed to hold us in stasis was corrupted by chaotic energies, spoiling the ritual and leaving my siblings alive and conscious through the eons but unable to die,” the deer proclaimed, speaking quickly in his strange flowery speech. “But that doesn't matter. We have returned, and since we’ve returned the bloody one is likely only a few short months from breaching the veil once more. We must ready ourselves.”

“I think… I think he thinks there are still deer out there,” Pilfered Pommel remarked.

“That's gonna be a harsh break of the ice,” Bronze Back muttered.

It was at this point that I noticed the deer was beginning to start deteriorating, with his limbs rapidly rotting away to dust before my very eyes.

“Don't,” I interrupted, gripping Pilfered’s shoulder. “Tell him that you will return to your people and that you will rally the great and mighty deer people to the cause of defeating the bloody one once more.”

“Boss?” Pilfered murmured, looking up at me.

“Trust me, my friend. It's for the best,” I replied.

Pilfered took a breath, turned back, and repeated what I said only more flowery.

The undead deer’s frazzled panic-stricken expression vanished and was replaced by a wide, genuine smile. He hugged the stallion, and cried bloody tears into his shoulder, repeating two simple words over and over.

“Thank you, thank you,” he whispered until his body broke apart completely and there was nothing left of him but a pile of dust.

“Well that just happened,” Steel Shod muttered.

I turned and slugged her in the shoulder hard enough to make her stumble. “Have some class Steel,” I spat. “Some poor guy just saw all his companions get slain before perishing himself.”

“R-right. Sorry boss,” Steel Shod murmured absently.

“Just… hold your waggling tongue next time,” I declared.

“And that kind of brings that particular tale to a close,” I exclaimed. “We found some ancient prophecy saved some cool druids and didn't actually locate any awesome loot. There were a couple of old coins but apparently, they weren't worth much. Neat little keepsakes though.”

“Woah hold on,” Luna interrupted. “I feel like you are skipping over a lot.”

“No kidding. You barely even told us what the daughters looked like, how they got there, or anything!” Twilight all but shouted, throwing her hooves up into the air.

“I told you already. They detected the corruption that had cropped up,” I answered.

“What corrupted the deer spell?” Twilight pressed.

“Chaotic energy? Obviously, it was Discord,” Luna offered.

“I mean probably. I don't think we’ll ever know for certain though,” I added with a shrug.

“Okay but what do they look like? We know startlingly little about the daughters of Eve,” Twilight inquired.

“Look I’d love to answer all that but I can smell that you are already on the brink of shitting your drawers and I really don't wanna be here for when that happens,” I pointed out.

“I do not need to-” Twilight's eyes snapped open. “I need to go.”

With a flash of magic, she dismissed the spells holding her here and then vanished with a pop.

“You’ve got a good nose,” Luna remarked.

“Thanks. I think the majority of your face ain't half bad either,” I replied with a smirk.

“Ha, funny,” Luna stated dryly, rising from her seat. “We should probably call it here. It's getting late and I have other matters to attend to before I can retire for the night.”

“Hey, no problem. I’m getting tuckered out from all this talking anyway,” I dismissed.

I stood and walked over to my cell door. Luna used her magic to part the bars, and allow me to enter. Once inside I leaned forward, grabbing the magical bars in my warm hands.

“You really should tell everyone by the way,” I declared.

“We know,” Luna replied, her voice calm and slightly sad. Lacking in any of the accusing undertones I had half expected to hear. “It is just… hard.”

“Well, the longer it goes the worse things are going to be when it does inevitably blow up in your face, er faces,” I pressed. “And it will blow up. These kinds of secrets have a habit of doing that.”

“We know,” Luna repeated, firmer this time. “Moonie is just… defensive and I am fearful.”

“Give them the whole story and they will definitely be on your side,” I declared. “Besides imagine how nice it would be if you two could be more open.”

“That would be nice,” Luna admitted, glancing down into her shadow. “To be able to walk the streets together without fear… it is a dream I thought long dead.”

“There's a dream joke in there somewhere, but I’m too lazy to find it. Just, ya know imagine it in your mind for me,” I offered.

“We will, and thank you Fareeah. I have come to truly value our friendship and though I cannot guarantee it I am fairly certain that this trial will find you innocent of all charges,” Luna added.

“I sure hope so. Contrary to popular belief I ain't a fan of fighting and I sure wouldn't want to end up on the opposite side of Cadence,” I exclaimed, a smirk returning to my face.

“You really do like her,” Luna stated in a slightly confused tone.

“I love her,” I exclaimed breathlessly.

“Already? How can you say that when you don't even know her,” Luna retorted, though her tone carried with it no hint of accusation, only genuine bewilderment.

“If you can hate at first meeting. I can love,” I replied.

“You are a strange, strange creature,” Luna muttered while she walked away.

“You say that like you aren't strange as well,” I called after her.

“If this was a competition, I still think you’d win!” Luna yelled.

She then closed the basement door, the lights dimming the moment she did so.

“Yeah that's… that’s probably fair,” I murmured, falling into my bed with a dull thump. “Now then, how do I get this armor off?”

Author's Note

Join me over on patreon or Subscribestar and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

Below are a list of supporters some past, some present that have earned my eternal gratitude. Thank you All.

Jimmi Kristensen Demonxenomorph1987 Orivon Kloud Strahil Terziiski Jesse Goodnight Jessie Smith Kiddwizard Sebastian Molina Ozxecho Damien Scerri David Hedrick Owen Thomas Morr Szilard Afell Tale Weirdocat Dragonus85 Derpydude9001 Generic Pony Yaki Lolman3121 Elysia Joshua Crowell Little Insane Joshua Molina Boonman Lavamoon Big Corn Ewan Maclean OSK Mrburgerdon 2scoopsplz Lacunae Dale Thatguyplays32 Geraldo Plock ConfusAJ Verge T Pensive Random Videos Eclipse_Corp. Lotus Petals ChrisBarnes Mathew Whitney Trixie Lulamoon Matias Duran Aang Sylver SRGTartman Tacocat598 MestreJ Nightwing Dragon'ssheppard1995 Venerable Ro Lich Lord Krosis Canary In The Coal Mine Spacedude Ceepert Peter Coulthard Tom Facinus M VI Watch Starless Tiwake Tailsic Nightwing Sunset Flash.

Throwing Down The Gauntlet

I awoke later than usual, extending my limbs in all directions and stretching as far as they could go. Smacking my jowls, I rose to a shaky stand and started my day. A cup of water, a quick shower, and then finally the slow process of donning my armor. It was perhaps a bit overkill given how calm things had become, but I wasn't going to be caught slacking if I could help it.

“Stupid buckle,” I muttered. “Now I see why knights always have squires. Another pair of hands, or hooves would do wonders.”

Thoughts of an eager young pony helping me get prepared for battle were swiftly replaced by Cadence. Magic and the tender hooves of such a dainty mare would make the process of getting ready much easier. However, something told me that the chance of getting distracted would be far higher should the alicorn be the one to help me get ready.

“Twilight never did mention what was up with her,” I remarked aloud. “I should ask her.”

Brushing that aside, I slumped back into my bed and waited for my little interrogation session to begin. Thankfully I didn't have to lay there for long, as I soon heard two sets of hooves make their way towards the basement door. A few moments later, the bars to my cell had moved, and a pair of familiar alicorns were standing before me.

“Mornin,” I greeted, nodding to Twilight and then Luna.

“Good morning, Fareeah,” Luna announced, a wide genuine smile on her face. “I hope you slept well.”

“About as well as any other night I suppose,” I muttered.

“I had a surprisingly good sleep,” Twilight added. “No nightmares, no restless rolling, nothing.”

“You slip something in her drink?” I prodded, glancing at Luna. “That mare rolls around for hours every night.”

“You can hear that?” Twilight exclaimed in shock.

“Sometimes,” I replied. “I have really good hearing and this place has surprisingly thin walls given that it's a tree.”

“Huh,” Twilight murmured.

“To answer your question. No, I did not need to aid Twilight at all last night,” Luna added. “It seems as though our young companion feels quite relieved that you have so far proved innocent of the various charges.”

“That is part of it yes,” Twilight admitted.

“And the other part is whatever talk you’ve had with Cadance?” I prompted.

“Oh right. I never did mention that huh,” Twilight exclaimed. “I guess that kind of helped, but well it's complicated.”

“Do tell,” Luna encouraged.

“Cadance attempted to patch things up with Shining Armor, but they fought again,” Twilight began, sighing. “It seems as though my brother has only grown more stubborn since this whole thing began.”

“And?” I pressed. “Don't keep me in suspense, spill the tea, sis.”

“I don't know that reference but I think I know what you're getting at so I’ll just get right to the point,” Twilight paused and took a breath. “Cadance is going to dump him. Like officially, no break, no last chances nothing.”

The room was quiet, with Twilight and Luna both looking at me expectantly.

“I’m surprised,” Luna remarked. “I’d expected a celebration.”

“Or something,” Twilight added.

“I am trying very hard to be an adult about this,” I shot back. “Stop attempting to jinx it.”

“Well get it out of your system now,” Twilight encouraged.

“No, I’m fine,” I muttered, taking a slow exhale followed by an equally as exaggerated inhalation. “Just give me a second to gather myself.”

The room was quiet once more, the silence being broken by me this time,.

“Okay. I’m good,” I declared.

“Huh, well alright then,” Twilight muttered. “So where do we go from here? We still need to cover the dragon incident right?”

“Before we get to such heavy topics I was hoping you’d shed more light on the daughters of Eve,” Luna added. “I’ve only heard rumors about their existence, and even my guard seems to know little of them.”

“Yeah would be alright if you talked a bit about them first… Fareeah?” Twilight pressed.

“Hmm, what? Sorry, I’ve been busy planning Cadance and I’s life together. I’m currently at our wedding,” I replied, grinning dumbly the entire time.

“You're ridiculous,” Twilight muttered.

“No, me Fareeah,” I retorted with a smirk.

Twilight rolled her eyes.

“As amusing as it would be to hear what you have in mind for your honeymoon I would like to get back to the matter at hoof as it were,” Luna added.

“Sure sure, just give me a second. I can't decide if I want a floral pattern for the table centerpieces or if something more monochrome would be better,” I replied.

“Fareeah,” Twilight snapped.

“Sorry, sorry. Right uh, what do you guys know about the daughters?” I asked.

“The royal guard seems to believe that they are either an all-female group of domestic terrorists or a couple of homeless mares lost in the Everfree. Opinions are kind of divided,” Twilight answered.

“My night guard is leaning to the latter rather than the former,” Luna added. “Though they have halted logging operations in the past the majority of those were undertaken illegally.”

“Ha. That's hilarious,” I exclaimed. “I can't wait for those girls to hear all about your little theories.”

“Well, what's the truth then?” Twilight pressed.

“Somewhere in the middle, I suppose,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. “Most of them are orphans, or runaways slash exiles. Willow and Lilly Ironhoof got booted out of their village because they had what their elder considered cursed blood.”

“Cursed blood?” Twilight muttered.

“Shapeshifters, right?” Luna inquired.

“Got it in one,” I declared, snapping my clawed fingers at Luna. “It didn't help that Lilly’s father and Willow’s husband died in an accident only a few months earlier. Well-liked in the village, his death prompted the small town to search for answers, even where there weren't any, to begin with.”

“There is something uniquely maddening about discovering someone died for nothing, with the only thing at fault being fate itself,” Twilight remarked.

“Yeah so they drove them out, and not long after they joined up with Green Tide who had been wandering the entirety of her adult life,” I continued. “Together they continued to travel Equestria, settling only after finding a home in the Everfree. It was there that they met three other creatures with similar talents to them.”

“Two zebras and a diamond dog, right?” Twilight murmured, clearly unsure of herself.

“You are correct, or at least mostly correct” I replied. “Zig Zag is half zebra, though she certainly doesn't look very ponylike, save for the name.”

“So what are their stories?” Luna gently inquired.

“Zig Zag left home when she was young, with her parent's blessing. Zuri, the other zebra if you couldn't figure that out,” I added, much to the irritation of Twilight and the amusement of Luna. “Took it upon herself to personally maintain the balance of nature and finally Rip was just happy to find like-minded individuals that didn't force her to work in a mine.”

“They seem like an interesting bunch,” Luna remarked.

“Fascinating bunch of gals,” I agreed. “Half of them can turn into animals while the other half have some affinity for druid magic.”

“Druid magic? Is that related to earth pony magic?” Twilight inquired.

“Ponies of today have forgotten so much of the old ways,” Luna remarked, disappointment heavy in her voice. “Druids are creatures of any race or tribe who have a special connection with nature. They use this connection to change their shape, or use a kind of magic that no unicorn could ever hope to replicate.”

“I’m sorry?” Twilight murmured.

“It's not your fault. I just wish my sister had put as much effort into preserving non-unicorn magic as she did in unicorn magic,” Luna replied.

“I’m sure there is some reasonable explanation for that,” Twilight declared.

“Ya’ll can talk about this with Celestia sometime. For now, I think we should stay on topic,” I added.

“Right, yeah. So I think that's enough about the daughters for now,” Twilight began again. “Maybe we should move on to this dragon thing.”

“Agreed,” stated Luna. “Twilight, would you like to do the honors?”

“Sure,” Twilight agreed.

I watched as Twilight began casting the usual spells. Things seemed normal, but after the first flash of light, I felt like something was off. My ears twitched, and I sniffed the air unprompted, seeking out a mysterious smell that tickled my nostrils.

I wasn't sure what had set my senses off but I got the distinct impression that someone was listening in on us. My danger sense told me that there was someone unseen nearby, but no matter where I looked I couldn't find the source of this sensation.

“Are you alright?” Luna asked.

“Just, stop the spell for a second,” I murmured, holding up a hand. “I got a weird feeling.”

“Gassy already?” Twilight prodded.

“This is not the time for jokes. I think we’re being listened on right-”

My ears perked up and I was able to pick up the distinct clip-clop of metal-clad hooves coming from upstairs. Straining the limits of my unnaturally powerful ears, I quickly deduced that the pony approaching the basement stairs was the one alicorn I had yet to meet. Sure enough, the tall, imperious face of Celestia appeared on the landing, the door being thrown open to reveal her frowning face.

“Celestia? What are you doing here? I thought there was some diplomatic issue that required your attention in Canterlot,” Twilight exclaimed.

“You should not shirk your duties so easily, dear sister,” Luna prodded.

Luna’s attempt at humor fell on deaf ears, as Celestia strode down the stairs in silence, staring at me all the while. For the first time in a long time, I felt weirdly naked, the alicorn’s stare boring into me like a drill, going straight for my soul. Despite the unpleasant sensation, I rose to meet the challenge, and sat a little straighter, smiling back at Celestia.

“Twilight would you mind dispelling that recording spell?” Celestia asked, though her tone made it sound more like a command than a simple request.

“Oh uh, sure,” Twilight sputtered before doing as the elder princess demanded.

“What brings you here, sister? Don't tell me you think it necessary to have three alicorns on this case,” Luna prodded, clearly annoyed.

“I apologize if it seems as though I am treading on your hooves,” Celestia replied. “Though I am here for the same reason you are. I will not be intruding on your inquiries.”

“Ooh how mysterious,” I remarked, smirking all the while. “You even answer questions without answering the question.”

“I will be judging this case,” Celestia stated, shooting me a small glare. “Normally I would not do so given that this issue is being handled directly by the crown. However, it seems as though Shining Armor has managed to curry the favor of my top generals as well as more than a few major politicians.”

“Wow, your bro has quite the machiavellian bent to him,” I remarked, glancing at Twilight.

“I wasn't aware he had such pull in high society,” Twilight admitted.

“Neither did I,” Celestia murmured.

I raised an eyebrow at that remark. It was clear to me that Celestia was less annoyed at me, and more perturbed by getting blindsided in such a manner. She had not foreseen Shining Armor’s apparently considerable political acumen and was not thrilled at being put into this situation. That didn't mean I enjoyed her showing up all glares, and spite but that at least I could forgive.

Eventually. Not right at that moment, however, as I was feeling incredibly petty.

“The strength of the crown fades apparently,” I exclaimed. “I was under the impression that you all were monarchs and were not servants of the common folk.”

“We are not,” Celestia retorted, her voice strained but still carrying a polite edge to it.

“And yet here you are,” I declared.

“Not helping, Fareeah,” Twilight half whispered, half spat.

“Right, sorry,” I murmured, holding up my hands in defeat.

“I am not obligated to inform you of this change, nor am I required to mention that the trial itself will be in the pre-discordian style, but I am also not barred from doing so,” Celestia continued. “I am supposed to inform you that the trial will be held in three days time.”

“Well that’s nice I guess,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

“Yes well. Although Shining Armor made a fairly convincing case it is still my opinion that you are more innocent than the guard seems to believe you are,” Celestia cooly declared.

“Hold on. Prediscordian?” Luna asked. “If I remember correctly that's one judge, one accuser, one defender, and the legal council for both sides.”

“It is,” Celestia answered.

“Shotgun Twilight being my lawyer,” I hastily proclaimed, prompting Celestia to raise an eyebrow curiously.

“Provided Twilight agrees she could serve in such a capacity,” Celestia replied.

“Wait, hold on,” Twilight exclaimed. “You can't be serious.”

“Twilight you are honest to a fault, and seek fairness in all things. It is my genuine belief that you would do the best possible job given the situation,” I stated with an uncharacteristic amount of seriousness.

“Okay, I appreciate the compliment but are you sure about this?” Twilight murmured in confused admiration.

“Though it does kind of make me feel bad to put you up against your brother like this I think with you on my side, I think together we’d find the most equitable solution to this entire debacle,” I replied after a short pause.

“I… wow. Alright, I’ll do it,” Twilight muttered, still slightly baffled.

“Then I have done what is required of me,” Celestia concluded, a small smile crossing her stiff features. “For what it's worth Fareeah I do wish our first true interaction was not under such circumstances.”

“We gotta stop meeting like this. Next time I hope there is more tea and crumpets, less threats and handcuffs,” I replied.

“Hmmm, agreed,” Celestia murmured, before turning suddenly to her sister. “From what I’ve heard you’ve handled this affair more than adequately. I apologize again if it seems as though I am doubting you.”

Luna leaned in, and hugged the other mare, holding the embrace. “It's okay,” she remarked in a soft tone. “I know you aren't here purely of your own volition.”

“Still. I do not want you to think as though I don't trust you,” Celestia whispered.

“We’ll talk more later,” Luna retorted.

The pair gave one another another soft squeeze before parting. Celestia took a step before stopping and giving Twilight a small appreciative nod before leaving completely. The rest of us just kinda stood there, watching her go and only moving after Celestia had completely left the building.

“So… That just happened,” I remarked.

“You just had to say it,” Twilight muttered.

“What? I can't help it. The tense atmosphere was getting to me,” I whined.

“Girls,” Luna interrupted, her voice stern. “Let's focus on what just happened, shall we?”

“Right. Yeah,” I murmured, scratching the side of my head. “So uh what exactly does this change in venue all entail anyway? Please tell me we can settle this with a trial by combat.”

“You are not fighting my brother,” Twilight exclaimed. “He may be an idiot but I will have to hear about it for the rest of my life. You will not.”

“There is no trial by combat here,” Luna proclaimed. “Only twenty-four grueling hours of you all being locked in a room together.”

“What?” I spat.

“In three days you five will go into a room just before dawn and there you two will defend Fareeah and her actions from the accused,” Luna explained. “You will not be able to leave until the light of the sun rises on the next day.”

“Brutal,” I muttered. “Do we have to pack a piss jug and snacks or are we just expected to fast and resist the urge to defecate for the twenty-four hours.”

“I’m fairly certain they’ll allow you the use of the facilities,” Twilight declared, bottom lip curled in disgust.

“And food will be provided though there will only be two meals,” Luna continued. “Furthermore you will not be told what accusations they will be levelling at you. So I implore you to give us every detail you can think of. No matter how relevant you believe it to be.”

“That is… wild,” I murmured, baffled by this sudden change.

“I don't know how, but Shining Armor must have bribed, threatened, or strong-armed nearly half the politicians in Canterlot as well as at least a few of the royal guard’s generals,” Luna concluded.

“This isn't just him. It can't be,” Twilight murmured. “His influence in the guard was waning and he was starting to come off as-”

“Unhinged?” I interrupted.

“I was going to say not quite as charismatic as he used to be, but that also works,” Twilight spat, frowning the entire time.

“So he has some other faction working with him then,” I offered. “Normally I’d ask what other enemies I may have but it really is just Shining Armor. And I suppose Fluttershy’s gardener but that's about it.”

“I will have to investigate how exactly he was able to get so many high-ranking individuals to go along with this little plan. However given the time constraints I doubt we’ll be able to deduce much before the trial starts,” Luna added.

“I bet he's counting on that,” I growled. “The bastard.”

“I’ll have you know my parents were happily married when he had him,” Twilight countered.

I blinked, my anger interrupted by a small chuckle that slipped past my lips. “Good one Twilight,” I admitted somewhat reluctantly. “Thank you. I needed that.”

“No problem,” Twilight dismissed.

“Right so. Let's focus on the dragon story,” I began, only to frown. “Actually I’d really appreciate a moment alone. I need to piss and just think if that's alright with you two.”

“Let's take five, and get some proper breakfast,” Luna stated, glancing at me. “Fareeah. Would you like anything?”

“Something greasy served alongside something that's terrible for my cholesterol. Please,” I added.

“I think we can do that. Right Twilight?” Luna prompted.

“What? Oh uh yeah. Yeah, we can do that,” Twilight repeated.

“See you guys in a bit,” I murmured.

I didn't wait for them to respond, and walked over to my cell, stepping inside and pulling the privacy curtain. Thankfully it was mostly unnecessary, as the pair hastily left, turning off the light after they had departed. The only light that remained was the thin bands of illumination that streamed in through the barred window of my cell.

I fell into my bed deflating with a long sigh as I did so.

Thoughts, worries, and nagging considerations all warred within my troubled mind. The confidence that had carried me through the last few days had been hamstrung, and for the first time in a while, I felt powerless. Sure I trusted Celestia to be as impartial as possible given the circumstances but the unknown force allied with Shining Armor was concerning, to say the least.

“How the heck do I get out of this one?” I whispered to myself.

It was then that I could hear the sound of someone sawing at something close by and I looked up to find I was not alone. My friend, Merry Mead had a hacksaw in their hooves and was hastily attempting to remove one of the bars of my cell.

“Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse,” I muttered.

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