Once Spoken, Don't Disseminate
“Hey, uh…. you,” Twilight started awkwardly as a friend she should’ve known the name of greeted her. She rubbed a hoof behind her head and put on an embarrassed smile, one that asked for forgiveness for her poor memory.
Thankfully, the mare she spoke to was nice about it, and waved a hoof as she giggled at the awkward situation. “It’s okay, Princess,” she said gracefully. “I know you’re busy with your royal duties and whatnot. It’s okay that you don’t remember me. I’m the mare you played chess with a few days ago during parent-teacher conferences at your school. But I’m sure you’ve met with a lot of parents. It’s fine.”
I do not remember playing chess with you in the slightest, the purple pony thought silently. It wasn’t the least bit distressing though, not anymore. Only mildly annoying now. Somepony certainly must have played chess with her, but it wasn’t Twilight.
“Ah, I’m sorry,” Twilight apologized. “But it’s nice to see you again. Remind me who your foal is?”
When were parent-teacher conferences anyway? she wondered as the two conversed. She said it was a few days ago, but it must have been longer than that, right? Those are supposed to be in October.
It’s still October, Twilight, another voice again. November’s not for another few weeks.
Celestia, I must be losing it today.
You’re losing it every day, but that’s what we’re here for.
Suddenly, there was a pause in the conversation, and the mare looked at her expectantly. “You were about to say something?” she asked curiously, tilting her head.
“Huh?”
“You said, ‘Clawfoot is doing good, but he could be–’ and then cut off.”
“Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I just completely forgot what I was going to say. I have a lot on my mind right now.”
You always have a lot on your mind, another voice said lightheartedly.
Now is not the time for the peanut gallery, thanks, Twilight quipped.
“Um, anyway,” she started again, shaking her head clear, “I was just going to say he’d been acting out in class a bit, and I was wondering if–”
Don’t ask if he’s getting enough attention at home. That’s gonna come across as rude.
“–if he was getting enough free time before bed to let loose all his energy,” the mare finished. “Studies show that sixty minutes of activity a day helps foals who are restless. It’s also good exercise, too!”
“Oh, you know what? That sounds like a good idea! Thank you, Princess! I’m glad we have somepony like you running a school in Ponyville. You’re doing so much good for all these foals and other creatures.”
We're doing so much good for these foals. It's a team effort here.
I'm trying to have a conversation, so if you could be a good member of the team and be quiet?
“Well, every creature could use friendship, I always say,” the mare smiled. Then she paused, and asked, “Uhh, what was your name again?”
It’s Silver Crescent.
The mare giggled, putting a hoof to her mouth and replying, “It’s Silver Crescent.”
Told you.
“It’s lovely to meet you again, Silver,” Twilight told her politely. “Stop by the school and check up on Clawfoot whenever you feel. We’re going to be having a Nightmare Night party soon, and we hope to see you there!”
Dang it, I hope she didn’t hear that.
You’re fine. That pronoun is correct in this context.
Well, I think it’s correct in any context, for you guys’s information.
And I’m not in the business of coming across as weird, so let’s use singular pronouns, please?, Twilight asked.
No offense, Twilight, but you’re always weird. And I know cause I live here.
“Anyway, I need to get going,” the mare finished the conversation. “I have an important appointment that I can’t miss. But feel free to hit me up anytime, or stop by the school for a Nightmare Night party that we’re throwing.”
You just said that.
“Of course, Princess,” Silver said politely with a smile. "I’ll let you go now. I don’t want to keep you up. Have a good day!”
The two parted ways with that, Twilight walking to where she was headed now instead of teleporting. Walking helped her have time to recall the information she just took in and what she just did. There was always a good chance she’d lose track.
Not that continuously trying to recall what just happened helped very much either. Even now, just a couple of minutes after the conversation, she was already forgetting the details, forgetting that it even happened. It happened all the time whenever she did anything. Once again, not distressing, but definitely frustrating.
But that was why she kept a saddle bag with a notebook and list of things to do for the day and what she did. Having written evidence that something happened helped to recall it better later. Usually.
She took a second to sit on the bench and write about the brief meeting, but by the time she’d gotten the book and quill out, she’d stopped focusing for long enough that she couldn’t even remember what she was supposed to be writing. Her face contorted into a scowl because of it, and she let out a huff of a breath.
It’s okay, Twilight, a voice said. I remember. You were talking to Silver Crescent about her son Clawfoot and how she’d played chess with you at parent-teacher conferences. Then you told her about coming to the Nightmare Night party.
Thanks, she replied gratefully as she wrote, quickly recording the meeting and closing the book before heading back to her destination.
Yes, they were a nuisance, but it did help her to have some creature there to tell her what happened. Something that would be less necessary if they weren’t there to begin with, but they were, so it was better to be grateful for the help than to get upset and complain about another thing she couldn’t remember. Like needing to go to the therapist. As meticulous as she was, she completely forgot to even write it down, and was surprised that it was scheduled for today. Thankfully she was reminded, otherwise it would’ve slipped her mind completely.
Before she knew it, she was sitting in front of her therapist, a tan Earth pony named Paper Clip, one who had glasses and looked a bit like Doctor Horse. She wondered if the two were related.
“How have things been since we last met, Twilight?” he asked as she lay on the couch with her hooves crossed over her barrel. “You were speaking last time about how Beating Heart annoyed you?”
“Yeah, but that’s just because he won’t shut up,” she said. “He thinks it’s okay to talk my and everypony else’s ears off when I’m trying to get to sleep. It kept me awake last night cause he wouldn’t be quiet.”
What can I say? Beating Heart started. I have a lot of things I wanna say.
Okay, but there’s a set time we agreed on when you can talk, and bedtime isn’t it.
I can’t control that I don’t have things to say at that time. When something comes up, it comes up. Plus, you’re the one who keeps us up with all those lists, anyway.
Because I’m trying to stay organized! I’m not gonna remember it, and everypony else likes to tell me at the last possible second! I don’t want to have to rush to do things!
Except to go Pinkie Pie’s parties, someone else started. It’s okay that you think she’s–
Nope, we’re stopping that thought, Twilight told herself silently as she stared blankly at Paper Clip. He tilted his head, but didn’t look confused. Twilight didn’t expect him to either. She’d been seeing him for over two years now. He knew what he could expect from these sessions.
“Uh, never mind,” she said quickly, brushing the thought away. “It’s nothing.”
Paper Clip smirked a little at that. “I already know you think your friends can be annoying at times, Twilight,” he said. “You told me before.”
“I definitely don’t remember ever saying that.”
“It might have been Rodart who said it, but regardless, it’s okay to think your friends are annoying sometimes. I’m sure there’s ponies out there who think you’re annoying. It’s okay.”
“Ha, I think I’m annoying… well, some of the ponies in my head anyway.”
“And that’s fine. Bottling it up though isn’t healthy. I’m sure you always speak up when they’re frustrating you, don’t you?”
She does, Beating Heart commented silently.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Well, you can apply the same in real life. If Pinkie Pie throwing off your schedule with a party frustrates you or distresses you, you should tell her. I’m sure she’ll understand, since she’s your friend.”
“Yeah… it’s not as easy as all that though. I’d rather not risk hurting her feelings if I can.”
“At your own expense?” he asked. Twilight let out a breath, and the stallion continued, “I’m certain if you don’t say something, somepony else will, and depending on who it is, that might not be a good thing.”
“I know. I will. Hopefully.”
Probably not, since you hardly ever listen to me, Twilight, another voice said.
Yeah, well, your advice is kind of bad sometimes, so no, I’m not gonna yell at Pinkie Pie.
And it wouldn’t be good to do anyway, Beating Heart commented. I like her parties.
Well, you certainly are something, Twilight finished. I can say that much.
The mare sighed again and put her head in her hooves. “Celestia, it feels like I’m faking this.” She looked up after a second to see the stallion still smirking, and she couldn’t help but give a little smile back.
“I know what you’re going to say. I know it doesn’t make sense that I would fake something that actively hinders my life and is a nuisance and something I don’t want anypony else to know. But it feels like that sometimes.”
“I’m sure it does, and it might always feel that way,” Paper Clip told her. “But–”
“But that’s part of how this works,” she sighed. “I know.”
“Have you been practicing those mindfulness exercises I gave you during our last session?”
Not as often as you should be.
I would do them more if I could remember to do them.
“Yeah, sometimes, and they help,” she said. “I’ve also been working on trying to keep what just happened in my head, too. Recalling it over and over every so often. I don’t know how well either of those things are working, but I’m doing them, so…” She shrugged and looked at the ceiling.
“Well those are two good steps to help you,” he finished. “It might not be working right now, but with a little patience, I’m sure it’ll help. I was also thinking about trying EMDR therapy for you, but I’m sure you remember me telling you about that last session.”
She actually did, and knew that because she immediately went home to study it. It seemed quite complex, and she wasn’t convinced it would work, but hey, it was worth a shot, right?
Flashing lights for therapy sounds incredibly cool, Beating Heart said. Sign us up.
It does sound kind of cool, Twilight agreed with a little smile.
“I’ll take that as a ‘you like the idea’ then?” Paper Clip asked.
“Yeah, we like the idea,” she confirmed. “When is that going to happen?”
“I’ll find a date later, but I believe it’s getting close to our hour.”
“Already?” Twilight asked. The time seemed like it flew by, but that was nothing new. A bit disappointing though, since she actually liked going to therapy, unlike what most ponies said.
“It seems like it, but we’ll meet again in two weeks, okay?” he told her. “Take care until then, and remember those mindfulness exercises.”
The pony nodded and left with that, casting a teleportation spell to take her home, nothing left to do for the day. Or so she thought, as a second after she was in the building, the lights turned on and a surprise party was underway.
“You’ve been seeming sad lately, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie started, “and you’ve been so busy with being a princess and running a school that you haven’t had time to enjoy one of my parties for weeks! So I decided to put this one on especially for you!”
“Pinkie Pie, don’t–”
Nope, we’re not saying that. That’s too mean.
She deserves it. I wanted to relax, not be drawn into a party.
I don’t care, she’s our friend.
“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight started again after she took a breath and closed her eyes. “Please, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t throw surprise parties while I’m busy. Our therapist said I should tell you that it’s frustrating me when you do.”
“Whoa! You have a therapist, too, Twilight? Do we have the same one?”
Oops. How did she let that slip out? It was completely unintentional, but someone must have let it loose. And she said ‘our’. She might as well have spelled what was going on out for her like the idiot she was.
No way, I’m not the idiot who let it slip! Who the heck was it?
No answer came, and Pinkie Pie was still staring at her, waiting for an explanation. A quick look around showed that nopony was listening to them or seemed to hear, thankfully. And Pinkie Pie was a good secret keeper. Not that she was going to get that deep, but she wouldn’t spill the beans about therapy if she told her not to.
“Yes, I see a therapist,” she confirmed for her, taking great care to not use the word ‘we’. “I don’t know if it’s the same one as you have, but I don’t really like talking about it, if that’s okay.”
I wanna talk about it, Beating Heart said. Heck, I kind of wanna introduce myself!
No! Heck no! I feel crazy enough as it is! I don’t need you to exacerbate that, thank you very much.
I was just kidding. I know better than to do something that would hurt you. But it would be kind of cool to actually meet her.
“That’s okay!” Pinkie Pie said. “I know that a lot of ponies don’t like talking about stuff like that. But if you wanna, we can! Oh! We can even be therapy buddies!”
“Um, no,” the purple pony said flatly. “And I’d very much appreciate it if you didn’t tell anypony either, thank you.”
That came off extremely rudely.
It’s kind of hard to remember to not be when I have to deal with this party that I wasn’t prepared for.
I can deal with it for you, Beating Heart offered.
“Okie dokie! I won’t tell a soul! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” She had a cupcake nearby to use to complete the promise, something that made Twilight laugh.
“Thanks, Pinkie.”
“No problemo! But also! If you super duper need to talk, you can trust me! I’m a good secret keeper! Now let’s boogie!”
Nope, Twilight didn’t think she would be revealing anything to the mare, not now, or ever. She’d rather keep this all a secret if she could. Half the time, she couldn’t even believe what went through her head on a daily basis, and she’d dealt with herself for years. But talking to Paper Clip helped.
Maybe one day you can tell her about how annoying you think I am when I keep you awake talking your ear off before bed, Beating Heart told her jokingly.
Maybe. Certainly not now though. Pinkie would think she’d have to throw a party for all of you… and it’s kind of embarrassing anyway.
That’s okay. You don’t have to tell anypony ever if you don’t want to. It’ll be our little secret.
Twilight laughed at the little joke and let Beating Heart enjoy the party.
