Oh, reading. The great Equestrian pastime. Something just about every creature in Equestria could do. The ability to comprehend the words on a page, fill in the context clues, understand the definitions of words, and imagine what they would look like if played out in real life. Reading, the perfect time killer.
Yeah, Hero couldn’t read.
~~~
The changeling stared down at the book placed in front of him by Ocellus, who stood just a few steps away from him, watching him. It wasn’t going well, and they’d been there for about an hour or so.
“…Hero. We’re literally on the introduction page,” Ocellus finally broke the silence, sighing with the notable sound of anger, anguish, and other adjectives to describe disappointment.
Hero looked up, before looking back down. Sure enough, they were in fact, on the introductory page. “Oh uh…” he blinked, looking down. It wasn’t that he couldn’t read, per se. He was just easily distracted, if not by the multitude of junk littering his room, then by the random thoughts and ideas bouncing around his head. And his “library” showed it. His bookshelf was filled with books that had only been read a few pages, and others hadn’t even been opened yet. The only books he’d bothered to read through were a few war fiction books, a couple of science fiction or horror books, and a load of history books. Heck, he’d almost read through an entire saga called Skyfall once.
And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to read The Lovebug, one of Ocellus’ favorite novels. It was a romance about a changeling traitor who ran off with a dragon and they found their own hive. It wasn’t even that long. It was about three-hundred pages long or so, whereas one of Hero’s sci-fi horror books, The Complete Changeling Omnibus: Volume 1, was about eight-hundred pages long, and he read through it no problem. Granted, Thorax was there to metaphorically hold his hoof, but still.
“Hero, come on!” Ocellus paced around the room, groaning in frustration. “Just read the introduction! It’s not that hard!” Hero blinked, before standing up and walking to the door. Ocellus shot a glare at him. “Where are you going?”
Hero simply pointed at the door. “I’m gonna go get some Sparkle-Cola from the cafeteria.” He then turned to the door and calmly walked out.
Ocellus just stared at the door, before letting out an audible groan, before following Hero out of his room.
~~~
Outside, Ocellus noticed that Hero was beelining towards the hive cafeteria. She rolled her eyes, following the blue-maned changeling. “Hero! Stop walking!” she called out, trying to follow him. For a small, unreformed changeling, he was pretty fast. Ocellus sighed and began running.
Eventually, she reached the cafeteria. Or well, the giant cave calling itself the cafeteria. The cave was surprisingly well spaced, with enough room for stone tables and chairs, and a serving line. Even more surprising was that everything was, for all intents and purposes, free. Ocellus always wondered how the hive hadn’t gone bankrupt.
She soon noticed Hero cracking open a glass bottle of Sparkle-Cola Cream, his personal favorite. Apart from Sparkle-Cola Quantum. She rushed over, sighing in slight disgust. She was never one for the acidic taste of colas. They probably had even worse side-effects, especially with how frequently Hero was drinking them.
“Hero! What are you doing?”
He held up the glass bottle. “I gots a cola.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Ocellus facehoofed. “I gotta tell Thorax to stop importing these things…” She shook her head. “That’s not important right now. Hero, listen, I gotta teach you how to read!”
He blinked, taking a sip of his cola. “But I can read!”
“Not without someone helping you,” Ocellus pointed out. “Thorax had to sit down and basically push you to read, Tempest and Pharynx only get you comic books so you see the pictures, and Melody literally reads for you.”
“Hey! I can read perfectly fine! I just like when they help me read…”
“Well, I’m not your uncle, your parents, or your girlfriend. I’m Ocellus.”
Hero giggled. “You’re like… a mean step sister or something.”
“Oi! I’m not mean! I just… uh…” Ocellus thought about it. She wasn’t exactly sure if she was supposed to take it as a compliment or an insult. She just sighed. “Hero, come on… It’s not that hard.”
“Why are you so desperate to get me to read. Why not Smolder? She’s your “Lovey Lizzy” or whatever you called her.”
Ocellus scowled, turning red. “I-I never said that!”
“Sure.”
Ocellus groaned, before sighing. “Okay, look. I had an assignment for school. Teach somehow a new skill or how to better a skill they struggle with. And I chose you because… um… well…” She winced. “Uh… you’re kinda… not… smart. At all.”
Hero blinked. “So… I’m stupid?”
Ocellus felt her soul leave her body, fly to the moon, do a backflip, then dive back into her body at mach ten. “Um… in laymare’s terms, yeah…”
Hero huffed. “Well, I’m actually pretty smart…”
“Oh yeah? What’s the date of Operation Trident?”
“June 6th, 51 H.E.. Duh,” Hero huffed. “It literally happened like… two years ago.”
“How many griffon lineages are there?”
“Five. Gallant, Grover, Gright, Griggs, and Silva.”
“What? No, there are fou—”
“Silva was the shortest lived reign. Overtaken by Gright, then Griggs, then Grover.”
Ocellus blinked. “Uh… okay. Uh… when was the Castle of the Two Sisters built?”
“Started in twenty six S.R. to thirty S.R., but was abandoned in thirty six due to the Everfree spread.”
Ocellus blinked. Hero had never shown this level of intellect, outside of things like survival skills. Heck, Ocellus and Twilight had even quizzed on math. He failed.
“H-Hero, where is this coming from?! You’re usually… very stupid! Why now are you being intelligent?”
Hero pulled out a pack of candy cigarettes, taking one and nibbling on it. “Well, I’m not smart. I just know a lot about History.”
“Still! You usually act as smart as an ostrich!”
Hero blinked. “Don’t offend ostriches. They’re lovely birds.”
“Hero… be serious. Why do you suddenly have some level of intelligence?”
Hero smirked. “It’s a survival tactic, Celly!” He dropped the candy cigarette into a second Sparkle-Cola and closed it. “You see, I’m so unreasonably stupid, that most bandits who’ve come across me are usually so merciful, that they don’t suspect me doing… THIS!”
Hero threw the Sparkle-Cola bottle up in the air before dashing away. Before Ocellus could react, the glass bottle hit the ground, exploding in a shower in of cola, which had no qualms with covering her in a layer of sugary soda. Ocellus shrieked and looked up. Hero had disappeared, leaving Ocellus feeling uncomfortably sticky.
“…HERO!!”
~~~
Ocellus grumbled, stepping back into Hero’s room, being greeted with Hero sitting at the table, reading the book that Ocellus had given her.
“Hero? What are you—”
“Vor langer Zeit, gab es…” Hero began reading in broken, but sort of transatable Griffish.
Ocellus blinked, looking down a second book, a Griffish to Common translator. “Wha… Hero, why do you have a translator?”
Hero held up the book. Ocellus examined it, then read it to herself. Der Liebeskäfer. Ocellus stared at it, silently wondering if this was somehow a trick, and tapped it. Sure enough, no matter how much she tapped the book, it never changed.
She’d given him a Griffish copy of The Lovebug. She stared at it. “…Hero… Why. Didn’t. You. Say. Anything?!”
“And just like that, it’s time to go!” Hero threw another bottle up and dashed out the door.
Ocellus raised a shield up, but the bottle didn’t shatter. She blinked, lowering her shield. It was a plastic bottle. And it didn’t even have any soda in it. She growled and turned to the door, storming out.
Almost as quickly as she opened the door, heard the signature pop of a cola bottle. She was immediately sprayed with another shower of cola. She squealed, looking over. A bottle of cola and mints was taped to the wall adjacent to the door, which had a string attached. A Sparkle-Cola trip mine.
“When did you have time to set this up?!”
From down the hall, Hero called out. “Survival tactics, Celly! Surviiiiiival tactics!”
Ocellus let out a frustrated groan and gave chase. “Hero, I swear to the Goddesses, when I get my hooves on you!”
Hero cackled and Ocellus chased him all across the hive.
Oh, reading. The great Equestrian pastime.