You know, of the “Mary” variety.
“Discord, why do you look like that?”
A question that simple was all Fluttershy could manage, completely awestruck as she she stood in the brilliant glow of every primary color at once, beaming over her and pulsing with varying degrees of strength.
Before her stood Discord…at least, she thought. The silhouette of the draconequus she had come to and love was there, but nearly every other aspect was changed.
His wings were now glowing neon pink, and his scales had been glittering with purple light for some time. His eyes glowed yellow-green, and he was even growing a second set of teeth behind the first pair. His tail had grown longer, thicker, and more powerful than before. His snout was narrower and sharper, and his jaw grew wider to accommodate it. There were also several small holes that appeared on either side of him as if the skin around them had been torn away. When he opened his mouth, there was a loud crackling sound, and his fangs looked larger than they ever had before.
His hair had became brighter in color and spun faster when he moved his head. His horn was still gold and sharp, but the tip had become smaller. It had lost its pointed shape and instead took the form of an arrowhead. It was no longer smooth like it once was, and there were several cracks running along it from top to bottom. His feet were slightly longer and more slender than before. They were now sporting three claws each. His thighs looked bigger and stronger than before, and the muscles bulged out of them. The soles of his feet were now brown and black, and they were now covered in tiny, sharp spikes.
“Oh, Fluttershy,” he spoke, with a thankfully recognizable voice, “aren’t I edgy?”
As he spoke the word “edgy”, he raised up his fists and shook them side to side like an excited child. Fluttershy blinked, expressionless.
“You didn’t answer my question. Why do you look like that?”
“Oh, I would have hoped you would have guessed,” sighed the creature who was apparently still Discord, “Come on, isn’t it obvious?”
Another moment of silence. Fluttershy slightly tilted her head, not moving the rest of her body at all, before twisting it back to her original position.
“No.”
“For Celestia’s sake, I’m offended!” Discord spoke with real sincerity, “Just wait till I tell Eric and Eris about this.”
“Eric…and Eris…?”
“My siblings, of course. I lost them in the war, you know.”
Fluttershy let out a very deep sigh.
“Discord, I don’t know what you’re talking about. This isn’t a great time for one of your games. I’m in a really bad mood, and honestly, I had hoped to just spend the night in with you-“
“I’m serious!” Discord continued earnestly. “During the great war five hundred years ago…”
“Weren’t you in a stone prison five hundred years ago?”
“During the great war five thousand years ago,” Discord didn’t miss a beat, “I fought along my brother and sister against the world-ender Bernanerner Kerbeburbur in a fight for our very reality.”
“Uh huh.”
“Now, Bernanerner Kerbeburbur had only one weakness - the stone of eternal truth. I wore it around my neck every single day. Now, there we were, the three of us siblings, standing against him. He knew I had the stone, but Eric and Eris knew that the world needed me more than it needed itself.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense.”
“So when Bernanerner Kerbaburbur tried to lunge at me, Eric and Eris stepped in, deflecting his attack. Now, Bernanerner Kerbaburbur-“
“Do you have to say his full name every single time?”
“Yes. Now, Bernanerner Kerbaburbur knew their trick, but it wasn’t too late. They cast a special, one of a kind FAMILY spell that sealed me in another dimension for five hundred-“
“Thousand?”
“Five THOUSAND years. In the process, they sadly sacrificed themselves. Now, to this day, I wonder when Bernanerner Kerbaburbur will show his face again, such that I may finish what I started…”
Discord slowly reached into his own chest, retrieving a large glowing stone.
“…and avenge my family.”
The two stood in silence for a few more moments.
“Ok, that’s all great, Discord, but why are we on the moon?” asked Fluttershy, matter-of-factly.
“Oh, uh, I thought it would look cool. For the showdown.”
“Showdown? What do you-“
Fluttershy could barely get the words out before a horrifying screech blasted through the night sky. A massive hellish creature emerged from the depths of space, its mouth as wide as an entire planet. Its grotesque form was shaped like a human, but with a large bulging forehead, a long neck, short arms, and a thick tail, which served as a third leg. It had a reptilian body, but instead of legs, it had two pairs of spindly, thin tentacles. Its skin was pale green and wrinkled. Its fingers and toes were webbed together.
“It’s HIM!” cried Discord, “BERNANERNER KERBABURBUR!”
Fluttershy looked unimpressed. Discord lept up into the air, and his entire neon ridiculous body began glowing. He screamed towards the galaxy sized beast.
“YOU TOOK MY FAMILY FROM ME! NOW, I WILL TAKE BACK THE UNIVERSE…FROM YOU!” he cried as loud as he could to the heavens, raising the stone and covering everything in a brilliant flash of light.
When the light faded, Fluttershy and Discord were standing back in Fluttershy’s cottage. Discord looked normal again - as normal as normal meant for him, anyway.
“What, uh,” Fluttershy cleared her throat, “What was that?”
“Oh come on, you didn’t guess that entire time? Twilight SUE’D me, Fluttershy! She MARY SUE’D me!”
“Oh,” sighed Fluttershy, unimpressed. “Look, I’ve had a really bad week, so can we just…”
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy,” Discord looked crestfallen, “I thought that this would cheer you up. I know you’ve been having a bad week, so…I thought some ridiculous nonsense and a really bad pun might help. Turns out, even as a Mary Sue, I can’t be the perfect friend.”
Fluttershy smiled weakly.
“Don’t worry, Discord. You may not be a Mary Sue, but you’ll always be perfect to me.”
Discord smiled back.
“Now,” Fluttershy said, getting a bit of energy back, “Let’s see that form one more time. When we prank Rarity with this, you have to do it even better!”
“Oh, goodie!” exclaimed Discord.
