I can't believe this, first day living in Canterlot and I have this racket to deal with. Far above my tiny breezie form, the gargantuan balcony housing the source of all my troubles was fast approaching. Already, another in a long line of loud outbursts threatened to shake the surrounding windows to pieces. “ACHOOO!”
Honestly, it barely took any time at all to gain permission to live in these wonderful gardens. Right up until this moment, it boggled the mind that I wasn’t the only applicant. Did everypixie else already know this would happen, and I’m the one idiot who fell for it? My internal rant started to peter out, as my tiny form finally rose above the onyx fence surrounding the marble balcony. A loud sigh escaping me, at what my eyes beheld. A very expensive looking, but more importantly, very closed door. One which had a familiar moon symbol engraved upon its surface.
Welp, this may have been a waste of time. At the immovable object’s stalwart presence, I let myself drop onto one of the fence posts, and halted the buzz of my gossamer wings. A breezie could never hope to surpass an impenetrable barrier such as that.
Taking an extended moment to get my breath back, my buggy eyes scanned the area and spotted a very comfortable looking plant pot resting casually upon the balcony floor. It contained a flower reminiscent of the beautiful Canterlot gardens below, giving me a brilliant idea. Hmm, that could be a nice place to camp out, while waiting. There’s no way she’ll stay inside forever after all. Almost disappointingly, the chance to test out the makeshift sleeping spot never arose, as another loud royal Canterlot sneeze, somehow shook the balcony, despite its marble form.
“Ah, do you have to do that?” I called, mostly to myself in frustration. A call that filled me with regret, when the giant 2000mm tall door swung open, as if it were nothing. With no delay, and no sign of exertion from the incredible feat of strength opening that door must have been, an elegant navy blue alicorn stepped out onto the balcony.
Her unexpected appearance, alongside my brazen words, resulted in my form completely rooting to the little fence post perch. Insulting royalty, especially a royal of such power, would likely result in a very flat breezie. Hay, insulting a random normal pony could even result in that. Luckily for me, Princess Luna, goddess of the moon, didn’t notice my tiny words. Instead, she gracefully walked out onto her balcony, let out a slight sigh and reared up to place her hooves upon the fence.
The reverberations that ran through my buggy skeleton, was nothing in comparison to my own terrified shaking at almost being crushed by an iron like hoof. One bigger than my entire body. “ACHOOO… ah this cold. ‘Tis so irritating,” the alicorn absently grumbled to herself as she basked in the view of her night.
Okay, this is my chance. “Erm, excuse me Princess. My name’s Gale and I’ve got a, erm minor request. Would you mind keeping the noise down? No pony can sleep,” I loudly exclaimed, mustering up all the remaining pieces of courage possible, while simultaneously trying not to be insulting. A hard ask for a pitiful nobody like me, asking something of a Princess.
Rather than respond, the night simply glanced over the top of me, like I was as invisible as an aphid. Something that I clearly wasn’t, seeing as my fur is bright blue and this balcony is almost black. How can’t she see me? Loads of ponies have noticed me. Quite a few have even become my friends. The moment I moved in, the castle staff seemed over joyed to visit the garden, just to see me to be honest. Apparently, breezies are quite interesting to the oversized mammals. Thinking about it, my pony friends are partially why I’m doing this. They shouldn’t have to deal with this awful sleeplessness either and they’ve had this issue for much longer than me.
Seeing as Luna was too trapped within her own oversized world to notice little old me, I settled for a trick that usually works on my pony friends. Closing the distance. Now, this is obviously quite dangerous, seeing as a surprised pony could easily hurt me by accident, but from having experience dodging numerous hoof swipes in the past, it should be fine. Just have to ensure not to buzz near a pony’s ears. That way they think you’re a bee.
Flaring my delicate wings, I buzzed my way over to the safety of the princess’s muzzle and made my antenna glow light blue. Happily, this caused the princess to go cross eyed. Causing both light blue orbs to look straight at me, a light smile already starting to grace her features at my, hopefully, desirable presence. Unhappily however, she decided now was as good a time as any to sneeze. With my lightning reactions from months of avoiding fly swatters, I managed to move aside from the monumental typhoon.
“Careful, you could have blown me to bits,” I called in a slightly more jovial tone, despite the near-death experience. Seeing as the moon’s attention was gained and she clearly welcomed my company, things seemed like they might go a little more smoothly from here. A hope that was dashed when the Luna goddess did one final almighty sniff, right when I moved back in front of her muzzle.
The force of the suction was something a little breezie like me has no chance of ever preparing for. Nothing within the natural world can produce a vacuum from which no untethered thing can escape and due to my flight, I was pretty untethered. As a result, my attempts at a light hover abruptly changed into a literal nose dive, right into a waiting nostril. A nostril that was somehow, only just big enough to allow the suction to pull me through. Had she been a regular pony, there was no way I’d have fit. Hay, I probably shouldn’t have fit with her larger size, the force of her alicorn inhalation was just that impressive.
That being said, the fact she wasn’t a normal pony, meant my form careened through the slimy darkness, heedless of the claustrophobic walls to a more than likely unexplored location. As horrible as it was, the event didn’t last long, seeing as it was supposed to be a sniff. I didn’t even have chance to scream. Then again, that could be due to the complete discombobulation the experience put me through.
From somewhere below my dark prison, a familiar feminine voice warmly said, “come out little breezie, where art thou?” The words were simultaneously quieter than her grumbling, but also louder due to my proximity to their source. The slightest gurgle accompanying them.
It took me a few seconds to get my antenna straight, before full realization of my predicament kicked in. “I’m, in your muzzle! Help!” I called into the darkness of the squishy tunnel. The shifting of the outside world, denoting the movements of my new Princess’s head as she searched for me in vain.
Oh, this is just great, first time meeting a princess and I’ve blown it by going where no breezie should. As I waited for an angry response from the moon who’d gotten a bug stuffed up her nose, I lit my antenna to get a good look of my surroundings. Just red and sticky everywhere… lovely. Also, possibly upside down. More noticeable from the blood rushing to my head than anything else, seeing as my body was just about in contact with both the walls, floor and ceiling at the same time. At least this place has some give, or I’d be unable to move.
After taking a moment to right myself, I began taking stock of my situation. Looking around the small enclosure, there was somehow four different paths laid before me. Each of which seemed almost identical and, thanks to my tumble, I had no bearings on which to follow. My one and only hope rested with the moon, and her impressive magic. A hope which ended upon Luna’s next utterance. “Must have been Our imagination. Shame, breezies are such welcome company.”
Things weren’t really looking too good from where I was awkwardly crouched, but if I was an optimist, at least those words were positive. Who knows? When I finally escape this wannabe pitcher plant, she might actually want to be friends. If she can forgive the personal space invasion. My pony friends did say the royal sisters enjoyed spending time in the garden. Maybe they’d spend time with me there? Oh, if only I’d waited until morning. Luna might have come to me instead.
Seeing as no help was going to come from the outside world, I awkwardly got to my hooves, took a moment to ignore how the floor squished under hoof and set about choosing a direction. “Erm; ini, mini, miny, moe…” With the implementation of my scientifically proven method of decision making, the tunnel positioned above me seemed like the correct choice. Honestly, it should have been the obvious choice, being the only one that went upwards. Down is bad. Down means stomach and lungs. Either a burny end for me, or a choky end for Luna. No thanks.
So up I began to climb, steadily up the claustrophobic tunnel barely wide enough for anybuggy. Internally comparing the tunnel to that of a narrow plant stem with nectary goodness at the end to help take my mind off my predicament. An act which I hadn’t really done since childhood, but oh well. The experience was unusually similar aside from the surrounding’s texture, so the use of my usual breezie abilities worked marvellous. Whenever a point was reached that my body would struggle to pass through, I could buzz my fragile wings to propel myself onwards.
This strategy was working so well, that my prison decided it was high time to remind me how different my current situation really was. With each buzz of my wings, strange vibrations punctuated with a mild sound started to increase throughout the chamber. It took until these sounds reached their peak for me to realize the sound was that of a very feminine giggle. It seemed my presence wasn’t going entirely unnoticed. I’d have considered the giggling a good thing, but the accompanying shaking might have been a sign of irritation. Now, irritation was bad for two reasons. One, it probably ruined Luna’s night, and two, it could possibly cause another sneeze typhoon that would rip my tiny form apart.
The inevitable sound of a “aaa- aaa” from outside was the only warning provided of the coming tidal wave of snot, so I did all that I could. Instinctively clamping my wings to my body tighter than any breezie would want to do, I waited for the end. “Aaachooo!”
With that sound, a cannon had been fired. A cannon that propelled everything within to its certain doom. It took a bit of time for me to gain the courage to open my eyes once more, allowing me to see my somehow still fully furred body. It seemed, luckily for me, the aforementioned cannon was formed from the tunnel below. The one in which I’d escaped only mere seconds ago. Now that is why you place your faith in the mini miny mo.
Even with the realization that the dreaded sneezes could no longer reach me, my wings were still kept to my sides to avoid any unnecessary bother. The tunnel wasn’t really that steep at all and the uneven surface had plenty of hoof holds. Besides, if I started to somehow fall, it would be easy to wedge myself in place using the confined space to my advantage. If it was just slightly wider, and less gooey, this place could almost have been designed for a breezie like me to traverse it.
Anyways, eventually my persistence in climbing sort of paid off. Sort of, because I’d finally escaped the tiny tube, but hadn’t succeeded in finding an exit. Instead, I found myself on the verge of a very large cavity. One with a ceiling that stretched up for maybe four times my height. While not the open air I’d been praying for, any reduction in the claustrophobic nature of this place was a blessing. It wouldn’t be too inaccurate to say that my tiny form popped out of the tunnel and flopped into the not quite open air with a monumental sigh of relief. It only made sense to take this moment of victory for a few seconds of much needed rest after the horrendous climb. Both the climb through a muzzle and the incredible height I’d flown before hoof with my tiny body. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume I’d have flown well into the night’s sky if my wings were comparable to that of a pony’s.
Right before giving in to my desperate need for sleep, I decided to brighten my antenna in order to better view my new surroundings. Welp, this isn’t good. What lay before me was an impressively large organ. One which was much larger than my entire body, let alone the identical one sat within my skull. The organ in question, was quite clearly the brain of one probably very wise princess.
Oh dear, this is the last place anypixie should be. One wrong move and I’d have a derpified princess on my hooves. A low groan escaped me as another realization began to dawn. If this was the Princess’s brain case, I’d have to climb right back down that awful tunnel. Meaning braving the potential of yet more sneezing. Yep, I’ve really got to avoid that. With some vain hope, I shakily stood upon tired legs and began carefully trapsing around the cavity for an alternate exit. There has to be one somewhere, right? Ponies do have two ears on their heads after all.
My desperate meandering around the central organ was met with zero outward success. It seemed like Luna’s head wasn’t designed with an exit in mind. However, to my surprise it was designed with something else. As I fruitlessly searched the solid walls of Luna’s skull, my antenna’s light glinted off of something metallic in the darkness. Not from the outer wall, but from the centre. Intrigued, my gaze fell upon the central organ, causing my head to tilt in confusion.
A door, seriously? That’s right, a door, all wooden and everything. Not something you’d expect to find inside, well, anycreature to be honest. That being said, the door was very much there, pressed right between the folds of Luna’s grey matter. Upon approach, my light once again glinted off a small metal plaque emblazoned upon it. For Discord’s use only, no entry. Now that’s unexpected, what would a creature of such chaos be doing in here?
A combination of curiosity, and the desperate desire not to retrace my steps, had my hoof griping the door’s handle and steadily opening it. What was inside left me a little breathless to be honest, and not in the way of flying to the top of Canterlot castle. What lay within was a fully furnished bedroom, clearly designed for a pony. Unconsciously, my hooves carried me inwards as my mouth could do nothing but hang open at the impossibility of it.
Right beside the door was a lone switch perfectly sized for my breezie hoof, allowing me to easily press with a simple push, rather than the usual ramming my whole body into one. The action bathed me in light, allowing my much-abused antenna to finally dim. That wasn’t the only benefit, as the light highlighted what might as well have been my holy grail. A full-on pony bed, perfect for my size. It felt kind of like one of those hallucinations pony’s talk about in the desert, but to me it felt so real. It called my name like nothing else had ever before. The promise of a night’s rest and an end to my nightmarish lack of sleep.
Without even thinking, I almost galloped across the strange room, allowing the door to close behind me, before falling head first into the plush bed heedless of my squashed antenna. Trying my best not to think about the unusual exterior to this perfect bedroom and the escape that would have to follow in the morning, I drifted off to sleep. Who knows, maybe Luna will climb into my head in the dream realm?
Welp, surprise surprise, it didn’t help in the slightest. Instead, an undetermined amount of time passed, before my eyes lazily flicked open, from a very nice dream. One in which Luna let me sleep upon that nice comfy flower on the balcony. It was certainly a more realistic sleeping location than here. The pony home in a pony skull. “This rooms kinda nice, Luna should start a bed and breakfast,” I joked to myself, while rising from the welcoming bed. With a short buzz of my wings and stretch of my legs, I felt more alive than ever before. Now then, staying alive, that’s important. This place is still probably pretty dangerous.
With that goal in mind, I started to cautiously explore my newest enclosure, ensuring to take in every inch for what unseen dangers may be lurking. You never know, the whole thing could be a hallucination of my sleep addled mind. Anyway, aside from the entrance, there was one other door to the room, which was my first port of call. Seeing as it could possibly be a portal to safety if the room’s presence was anything to go by. Sadly, the room had a simultaneously surprising and expected contents. A fully fitted ensuite bathroom, how nice. Upon trying the taps, they even worked. Who knows where the running water’s coming from, but I’ve always said you shouldn’t look a gift pony in the mouth. Making good use of the washing facilities, I carefully cleaned off the almost forgotten nose gunk matting my fur, ensuring some semblance of comfort in my own skin, before continuing on.
Wandering the room in a now slightly more relaxed state, a certain pony kitchen appliance gained my attention. That being a miniature fridge full to the brim. Not with my usual food, but pony snacks somehow shrunk down for a breezie. Consuming them was another unforeseen treat of this impossible place. An unusual treadmill also shared the room. Probably to provide its trapped occupant with exercise. It’s weird how accommodating it is in here, almost like it’s designed for a long stay.
Pushing that thought aside and now fed and watered, it seemed as good a time as any to try and escape this not awful place. The thought that I could actually compliment Luna on her interior brought a small smile as my hoof grasped the exit doors handle and pulled… Then pulled again, and again and again. Each pull had my hopes fall further and further from my grasp. When that didn’t work, l I even decided to bang my hooves against the door in the dumb hope that whatever had blocked the door would move out of the way. It really did feel like something was intentionally trapping me, but that’s just silly… Right?
As my paranoid brain just started to go through all the potential reasons to trap me, a quiet beep from the only other pony appliance present startled me into taking flight. With nothing left to lose, I flittered over to the sounds source. An object that could only be described as a pretty complicated looking computer. Such a device I was only passingly familiar with. Whatever was happening, it appeared to be starting up all on its own. Upon the screen the words “Luna.OS” appeared, before an animated gif of the aforementioned princess materialized. She appeared to almost wink at me, before choosing to start repeatedly turning an hour glass almost as big as herself. As push comes to shove, seeing that was just par for the course now when it comes to weirdness.
The computer decided to continue to try and weird me out, when the egg timer emptied and the animated Luna disappeared. In its place were the words, “welcome home. System last logged in 5BB, it’s been a while. Would you like to resume? Y/N.” 5BB? That’s five years before Luna’s banishment. Is that about the time Discord was turned to stone? So many questions from this tiny screen.
Instead of providing me with much needed answers, the computer continued to display an ominous flashing Y/N. So, like a fool, I pressed the Y. Rather than continue in the slow load it had previously, the screen immediately shifted to that of a camera. Two, to be exact. One that seemed to view a large bedroom from ground level, with a small portion blocked by some blue fluffy thing. The second came from a bird’s eye view, showing the moon themed room in its entirety and highlighting one Princess Luna.
She seemed to be sitting quite peacefully, enjoying what appeared to be a cup of coffee. As she brought the beverage up to her lips, a steadily increasing in size coffee cup approached the first screen, before bumping into the fuzzy mass at its centre. It became quickly apparent that the first screen somehow viewed the action from a first-person perspective of view. When she began sipping, a slurping sound came through the monitor’s speakers, soon followed by a content sigh. Well, erm… that’s nice for her.
Okay, what does this all mean? At the bottom of the screen was one prompt to aid me, and one prompt only. “Type command.” Next to the words was a small flashing icon, indicating a text input. With only the barest pause, my hooves moved to the accompanying keyboard, a new hope in sight. Maybe I can use this to communicate with the Princess!
Seizing my chance, I typed the word, “hello,” into the qwerty keyboard and hit enter. Eagerly, my eyes shot to the screen, hoping for some reaction to show Luna could hear me.
There was one reaction, but it was not one I expected. Rather than acknowledge my attempt at communication with even the slightest ear twitch. The moon out of nowhere simply said, “hello,” with no follow up reaction what so ever, other than a quick glance at her coffee cup. Now that was a surprise, this computer actually made the princess speak! What’s more, she didn’t even bat an eyelid to the random word. Then again, I suppose just saying hello to yourself isn’t the most unusual thing. Apparently ponies even sing to themselves in the shower hoping no one hears them.
Seeing as this was still my best bet at being noticed, despite the awkward communication method, another better message was quickly inputted. My command read, “hello, Princess, I’m stuck in your head. Please help.”
One slight mistake I may have made, was neglecting to check what the princess was doing during my typing. Seeing as she was fairly content lounging in her comfortable chair, Luna decided it would be for the best to take another sip of her coffee, right as my command went off. She immediately started to speak mid guzzle, the first couple of words coming out as a gurgle before she coughed and spluttered. Her coffee almost falling from her hoof, as the contents of her mouth were spat across her clean moon themed room.
Once her breathing was back under control, she said, “-uck in your head. Please help.” Her tone one of incredible frustration. Clearly, she was quite unhappy with what she’d just done. “How could We be so lax?” she continued in exasperation, while a box of tissues steadily levitated over in her blue aura. “Senseless cold.”
As the Princess cleaned up the mess, she believed she was responsible for, I decided to do a little experiment, just to settle a little curiosity. Typing in a slightly longer message, using the speech marks to add a tone, I hit enter. As another tissue floated over, the moon’s mouth began moving. “I am such a pretty pony Princess. Oh yes, I’m so magical and tall,” she said in what I presumed to be an uncharacteristically flamboyant fashion. Simultaneously, without my prompting, she flicked her tail and used a hoof to knock her mane aside. Seemingly in some attempt to make her words more flamboyant.
I felt my gossamer wings tighten up at the sacrilege I’d just committed against the all-knowing moon. She was bound to notice something now, right? Apparently wrong, because she only let out a light giggle, as her hoof grasped the floating tissue and said, “Do not forget so mighty.” She seemed to think she was just playing around for some reason. Does this computer really make her think it was her idea? What’s more, why did she do the whole mane flick thing?
Looking at the speech marks in the text box, my hoof pressed the delete key. Both symbols disappeared. Right, let’s try something small. *Luna, touch your muzzle*. Simple enough. If she just says it, she might just laugh again.
In the outside world, the gigantic alicorn I apparently had the keys for didn’t hesitate to immediately stick her hoof to her muzzle. The hoof that currently held a slightly damp tissue, smearing coffee onto her pristine blue furred face. “Huh, ‘tis an almighty shame to waste such a beverage,” she muttered to herself sadly after being forced to taste the floor coffee. Her head seemed to tilt towards the balcony looking for something. Upon finding nothing, her eyes narrowed mischievously, before she held the tissue over her cup and squeezed, in some nightmarish attempt to save her coffee.
“Oh no, don’t do it DON’T DO IT! ewww.” I couldn’t help but vocalize the horror of what was about to occur. This was clearly somehow my fault for force feeding her the spillage. An elegant pony like her wouldn’t ever think of doing such a thing, right? Regardless of my opinion on the matter, the now refilled cup sat in the princess’ grip, so ready to dispense the contaminated beverage into my container. An act I couldn’t bear to witness. My hooves had never moved so fast in order to prevent catastrophe. *Dispose of the coffee immediately! * Upon completion, A relieved smile started to grace my features at the quick save I’d managed to accomplish.
My relief swiftly turned back into horror, when the cup’s direction rapidly changed to fly straight to the alicorn’s waiting lips. Its contents drained in under a second as if it were a shot of Apple cider, rather than scolding hot liquid. What’s more, Luna clearly winced from the experience, and immediately stuck out her tongue with her own visible revolution. A slightly chocked out, “We wish We had just used the sink,” escaped her as she started to stride to another part of her room. An overwhelming sense of guilt threatened to descend upon me, its progress only halting due to another almighty royal canterlotian sneeze which rocked the room. “Still the sneezes,” she again complained, before snorting unnecessarily.
A sigh left me. Wow, even in here, those sneezes are still going to irritate me. Why does she have to be so loud? A light bulb seemed to ding within my own smaller brain at that. The answer to my problem was already at the tips of my hooves. *Do not sneeze or snort in royal Canterlot. In fact, use a tissue, you have plenty.* There, that should give everypony some peace. It might even make my exit less life threatening once the door reopens. If it ever does.
There was no obvious result of my command in the outside world for quite a few minutes. Seeing as Luna thankfully was only sneezing periodically rather than none stop. A blessing for everyone, probably including Luna herself. Anyway, during my wait for the inevitable, the moon had brought the abused cup to her ensuite, poured a cup of water and downed it. She was clearly attempting to assist with the passage of all that coffee and alleviate any burning it caused. Hopefully, the fact it spent some horrendous time upon the floor meant its temperature wasn’t insane. After the third cup of cooling water, she made her way back to her original seat fit for one hundred breezies, where a small comparatively unnoticeable sound occurred. “Achoo.” Small for a pony anyway. That brought a smile to my face. What increased that smile, was the princess noticing a small amount of snot dribbling out her nose. She seemed to stand confused as the globules steadily progressed down her muzzle, before remembering something and reaching for one of her easily accessible tissues. Ha, win win. Everypony can get some sleep, and Luna gains a better habit than snorting.
The small amount of undeserved pride my actions had caused, soon washed away at my next thought. Now what? I’m still in Luna’s head. Despite the new found lack of typhoons, the door to my escape was still firmly closed. Even if it weren’t, I could still easily go the wrong way. What if I ended up in her stomach or lungs? A bad time for everypony, that’s what.
With that option scuppered, my eyes traced over the numerous other features the computer possessed. One such feature it held, making it unique compared to a regular qwerty keyboard, was a strange long stick. A stick not too dissimilar to one that you’d find on an arcade cabinet. Having no other plans, due to being trapped in a single room, I pushed the stick forward in the hopes it could potentially open another menu with some actual information to peruse.
Rather disappointingly, another menu didn’t appear. Instead, Luna all but sprung from her chair and set off walking in a straight line. Her walking gait seemingly matching exactly how she would normally walk except for one crucial difference. The difference being that she clearly wasn’t looking where she was going, despite where her eyes were looking. In front of her lay the coffee table her tissue box resided on. Said table was unceremoniously catapulted forward by one of the princess’s powerful steps, before she chose not to alter her path and stand upon it. The table couldn’t support the immense weight of a pony, immediately causing it to cave. Luna’s unstoppable hoof practically passed straight through it, collapsing the table into splinters.
Watching the scene unfold, I put my flimsy hooves upon my head, as if in some attempt to deny realities existence. “Sorry, I just want to get out! Why does it have to be so dangerous? ”
Heedless of my internal complaints, Luna simply remarked, “ah, We required a new coffee table, Raven will need to acquire one now.” As if the act of vandalism made perfect sense, all the while continuing on her current trajectory. One that led right towards her waiting balcony. Wait a second, she’s not going to stop! Grabbing for the stick, I began pulling with all the might of an oversized bug upon the previously freely moving stick. All the while, the uncaring alicorn wandered onto her balcony without a care in the world. She actually seemed to smile as her form entered the early morning sun light.
Usually, Luna would probably have stopped there to enjoy her morning, but with the commands from the console, she carried on. Her legs eventually meeting the metal fence posts of the balcony, forcing her to stop. Not for lack of her trying though, as her rear legs scraped on the balcony’s floor, attempting to somehow push her through the fence. Each push of her legs, threatening to buckle the solid metal work of her ponies, built for the moon’s safety. Bet they never thought they’d be stopping the Moon trying to purposefully walk off the edge.
Eventually, she frowned to herself as she was failing to make progress and reared up on her hind hooves before placing her fore hooves upon the fence. Clearly in an attempt to surpass this impenetrable barrier. Internally, I could only pray she’d try to fly if she went over, while continuing to battle with the stuck control like my life depended on it… which it might well have if I hadn’t noticed something. Just as one of her rear hooves began to raise from the balcony floor, Luna suddenly became confused and looked around. Thankfully she then decided to set all four hooves on solid ground, while briefly shaking her her head. “Perhaps ‘tis too early for a flight,” she mused while stepping back inside to review her broken coffee table. She didn’t seem to notice her wings never extended.
The reason she finally halted, was due to my noticing of a small switch upon the joystick’s side. A switch somePixie had inadvertently flicked. One labelled as something called cruise control. Upon returning to its previous position, the move stick shot backwards due to my entire body’s weight pulling on it. Simultaneously slamming my head into the keyboard, while granting the moon her usual sense of motor control.
“No more button presses for me. If it doesn’t get me out of trouble, I won’t do it,” I vowed to the princess, who didn’t even know a breezie was anywhere near her. Let alone making her act like such an imbecile. Seriously, if somepony caught her acting like this, she probably wouldn’t be trusted not to lick an electrical socket. Let alone run an entire country.
To ensure temptation couldn’t affect me, I began stepping away from the slightly damaged computer and moving towards the, still, presumably locked door. Upon making it a good maybe six hoofsteps away, an unusual clunking sound occurred above me, putting an end to my progress as I looked up. An unseen trap door had begun to open in the ceiling, from which a strange item began descending. Suspended from numerous strings, was what appeared to be a poor replica of the number one discordant being to ever terrorise Equus, Discord. I couldn’t help rearing up defensively at the unknown object. An action which promptly ended when the item seemed to strangely deflate upon touching the floor. Whatever that thing was, it was hollow and soft, not a solid threatening draconequus statue.
What’s more, while the strange object had the draconequus’s outer shape, it didn’t have the colouration. Instead, it looked mostly like solid black fabric across its surface apart from one other feature. That being numerous strange white ping pong ball like structures that were dotted all over it. They seemed to be positioned strategically across the object, marking wherever a particular joint would be positioned. The final feature highlighting this thing as an inanimate object was the complete lack of a face. Instead, all that was present was a gaping hole showing only a black void within.
Welp, yet another weird thing, to add to this place. It doesn’t even faze me anymore. What a brief thought that was. As it turned out, the fake draconequus had another breezie fazing trick up its very real sleave. A trick that involved an almost blinding blue light, which shot out from somewhere within its vicinity. It was so bright; my antenna had already instinctively fallen over my eyes before my hooves could join them in defence. Was it attacking me? Apparently not, because as soon as it began, the dazzling light abated, before being followed up by a strange beep from the object. An object that somehow no longer resembled a terrifying mutant chimera.
What lay before my slightly trembling form, was an almost one to one replica of me. Only lacking in the same details as the Discordant one. That being its surface was a solid black fabric, instead of bright blue fur alongside numerous ping-pong balls covering it from hoof to wing tip. Not to mention how it also similarly lacked my fearful face. Instead, it had that same hole, which now due to equalling my eyeline evidently led to a completely hollow inside. Welp, not touching that with a 300mm pole.
Turning away from my newfound companion turned out to be a mistake, because as soon as my guard dropped, it decided it was actually a living thing. Pouncing upon me from behind, the strange pseudo breezie grasped my rear hooves and fluidly lifted them to its open face. This rewarded it with a few swift kicks that would scare any fox. Each kick however, almost felt like hitting nothing but a hanging towel. The benefits of having no bones to break I assume. In fact, my kicks actually aided the thing, by landing my hooves squarely inside the waiting opening. Once inside, they were both gripped by some unseen force from within. To my horror, it turned out my hooves weren’t just gripped, but were instead steadily being pulled inside.
“Please don’t eat me! Sorry Luna, I didn’t mean to cause any harm,” I desperately tried to reason with what was probably some sort of natural defence mechanism for the all-powerful alicorn. Of course Princess Luna’s brain wouldn’t be unguarded. She’s one of the most important ponies in the world.
The strange hollow me didn’t listen, instead choosing to rear back on its hind hooves to have gravity assist with my fall into the depths of what counted for its stomach. What followed was an extremely strange experience, involving my legs each being pinned in place, before being enveloped by that of the antibody. I’m not too proud to admit that I was almost in tears by the end of it. So close in fact that I didn’t actually notice when the nightmare had ended for a good while.
When I’d finally realized my death wasn’t nigh, my head lifted gingerly from my foetal position, somehow on the floor instead of a stomach, and looked for Luna’s defender. It was nowhere to be seen. A smile crossed my lips at my ability to ward off such a mighty beast with my not tears, right up until I noticed my own hooves. They were black in colouration, with awfully familiar little white ping-pong balls, coming up my legs. It was the same for the rest of me, even the wings, which were normally sparkly and clear rather than an opaque black. Giving them a light buzz, they were thankfully completely unharmed, even with the unconventional covering. Breezie wings are quite fragile after all.
“What is this thing?” I complained, as I attempted to pull on the once animated form fitting suit, only succeeding in finding my face to still be accessible through the hole. Seems that opening was for more than just eating me.
Another similar beep occurred, followed by a white glow spreading across my new ping-pong ball adornments. Alongside the white glow from me, a small sign above illuminated, displaying some mysterious words. “MO-CAP suit activated.” Mo- cap? Oh no, I hit another button, didn’t I? Turning back to the computer, that some idiot had previously fallen upon, a small switch was missing beneath the words motion capture.
Upon the screen, nothing seemed untoward. Luna appeared as her usual radiant self, engrossed in some object off to her side. An object that didn’t seem to be there. Pondering what effect the strange suit had, I began scratching my chin. Simultaneously, the night mimicked my action, appearing to contemplate the meaning of some random patch of carpet alongside her broken coffee table.
For the love of the Princess! This is as far from a defence for Luna as possible. It doesn’t help her; it makes her into a giant puppet! Putting my hoof back to the ground, my wings started to lightly buzz with anxiety. An action the princess’s own wing replicated. Seeing that her wings were more like that of a bird than a dragon fly, her muscles had to vibrate quite violently in order to mimic my motions. Something she seemed perfectly content with, as her eyes traced the various intricacies of the carpet. They then shot to the door as she pondered to herself, “wonder if Our sister has awakened yet?” Seemingly, she was planning her day ahead. Maybe she wanted to go to breakfast with Celestia?
Right, first order of business so the Moon can actually function. Gingerly taking a few steps forward within my confined room, before miming a climbing up action on open air, I had the princess climb onto her bed in a perfect mirror of my acting. It did look a little weird when I tried to follow up with the rear legs, seeming as there was no object for me to climb on, I had to put my forelegs back down. This only made the princess unsuccessfully try to push her forelegs through her luxurious mattress, before standing upon it when I returned to my usual position. No sense leaving her stood there, I laid myself, and by extension Luna, down. “Nay, We cannot be this lazy, focus Luna,” she complained as her body laid out awkwardly upon her covers. It wasn’t my fault; the floor wasn’t all that comfortable for me.
“Sorry princess, I’ve gotta fix this first.” I muttered to deaf ears, while ensuring my next movements wouldn’t cause Luna an issue. Lifting a hoof, I began tentatively tugging on the suit’s black material, attempting to loosen its hold. Outside, the princess simultaneously appeared to start playing with the fur on her legs. Appearing to gently stroke the fur upon her fore limb, a dopey smile on her pretty face at the action.
With my half-hearted attempts ending in failure, I flopped my limbs back onto the floor in exasperation. Meanwhile In a much more upbeat mood, the princess did the same. her eyes looking around the room with a hint of mischievousness. Maybe she thought she was playing some amusing game? Who’s to say? Not like being in her brain tells you, her thoughts.
Laying in place while only occasionally making light tugs seemed like the right idea at first. Seemingly as it was the only way not to cause Luna harm, but it wasn’t getting us anywhere. I was still stuck in this thing and she was still stuck thinking she wanted a nap. A negative result for us both. Deciding to finally go for broke after hundreds of gentler attempts, this time I started pulling at the material in every place a weakness could conceivably be found with a much larger quantity of force. Going for the base of my joints seemed like the next logical step.
After my period of inactivity, the princess appeared to be getting a little bored, before her hooves once again raised up. Her eyes looked at them curiously, while her mind tried to figure out what she was doing. They then, under my command, began rabidly assaulting her armpits. Laughter immediately burst from her once confused lips at what she thought were voluntary actions. “ahaha, We have never managed to tickle oneself before,” she chortled out, as I pushed her right rear leg against the other, trying to dislodge the suit. The icing on the cake was probably the excessive flapping causing her body to jostle side to side, eventually causing her to fall out of bed with a loud thump. A thump that was punctuated with a cute giggle at her silliness.
Seeing as the princess didn’t mind in the slightest about her tumble, my attempts continued for a good long while, even causing both me and the princess to steadily get out of breath. Through the entire thing, I was incredibly stressed, while the moon was somehow having the time of her life. “We wish We could always do this,” she gleefully said as her hooves rubbed at her neck. The one good side effect of all this, is that she might not hold a grudge once I manage to explain why her morning was so chaotic.
Everything seemed to start going well, as it always did. The suit was loosening slightly. Luna was happy rolling around on the floor. Nothing could go wrong. The sudden ringing of an unexpected sound brought an end to both that thought process and my escape attempt. That sound was an unfamiliar voice commandingly saying, “ahem.” This caused me to freeze. Almost simultaneously, my unwitting puppet froze as well. Her laughter ceasing as her face started heating up with what was presumably embarrassment.
“Sister, what are you doing?” the voice kindly continued from off to Luna’s side, her face heating up all the more.
Despite how calm and angelic it was, it set alarm bells off in my brain causing me, and by extension Luna, to sit bolt upright and turn towards its origin. An action, which caused the moon’s bed to flip over as if it was nothing, thanks to being only just caught by the tip of an uncaring horn.
There, for our two pairs of eyes to see in all her glory was the sun herself, Princess Celestia. I could feel my features fall into a dejected state at her appearance. She stood easily taller than my prison by a good 200mm and radiated an incredible aura of power. What was worse, was the look of entertained confusion upon her face. Clearly, she’d seen Luna’s actions and was curious as to what was going on. Something that was less than ideal.
In stark contrast to my horror, Luna only let out an embarrassed giggle, before smiling. “Just having a little fun sister, why?” Oh, thank goodness. Maybe Luna will actually cover for me, while I figure out this mess.
“Right…” Celestia followed up as she gazed at the flipped over bed and splintered wooden coffee table. “What were you really doing?”
Luna’s gaze followed Celestia’s towards the carnage that’d transpired. Not because she wanted to look that way mind, but because I’d started to look back towards the computer for any sort of solution. There has to be some solution, I can’t just puppet Luna around forever. Maybe that switch is somewhere about.
Without looking back to her sister, Luna evenly replied, “We were just searching for an object of importance to Us.” Clearly, she was talking out of her rear trying to come up with an excuse for her lack of decorum.
“Okay, what was it? Maybe I can help,” Celestia smoothly responded with a smile, her hooves lightly clopping as she stepping around the flipped over bed.
Taking a few steps towards the computer, I tilted my head and began searching underneath. That switch couldn’t have gone far. This room’s tiny. Then again, so is the switch.
Outwardly, Luna took a few steps landing her hooves on top of the pile of wood, heedless of any potential splinters and began to inspect it thoroughly. “Erm, it has slipped Our mind for the moment.” Her words were tinted with a hint of confusion. It is annoying when you can’t remember why you’re doing something.
“Slipped your mind, truly?” the sun asked incredulously. An accusatory wing gesturing around, as she began to pointlessly assist her sister with searching through the debris. “How could it slip your mind if it caused all this?”
Seeing as I couldn’t see any sign of the missing switch around the computer’s base, I was going to have to duck and start searching below. Hopefully, it won’t look too weird to the observing alicorn as I dig through the immense number of wires. Seriously, this cable management is disastrous.
“’Tis a worthy endeavour, regardless of our failing memory,” Luna belted out in reply, as her hooves eagerly began digging through the pile of her once coffee table. All the while, she was clearly uncaringly stepping on the remaining wood and breaking it into even smaller pieces. The navy alicorn started to lightly blush once more, as her alabaster sister’s only response was to smile at her. “Art thou going to assist us, or not?”
“Yes, the switch!” I couldn’t help crying out in joy as my hoof gripped the missing component. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” Getting carefully back to three hooves and holding up the source of the current troubles felt quite cathartic, but that was nothing compared to the joy of inserting it back into its proper place and flicking it off. The associated dealumination of the mo-cap sign, was just icing on the metaphorical cake.
“Huzzah, never mind, We have found Our treasure,” Luna cried out in similar joy to myself as she mimicked my retrieval of the switch. However, instead of her hoof containing the all-important switch, it contained the earlier discarded coffee cup. She held it aloft for her sister to see, as it was clearly the important end result of her search, before weirdly trying to insert it into thin air. “In Our morning jubilation, We had forgotten We had dropped it.”
Upon pretending to affix the cup to nothing, she promptly let it go allowing the fragile cup to fall back into the pile she had so enthusiastically dug it out of. Not seeming to notice this, Luna pretended to enthusiastically throw a switch before her muscles slackened and her body steadily went to a seated position. Blue eyes darted side to side, as if unsure what to do, before finally settling back upon the only other person in the room. Her face steadily starting to heat up as she thought about what she’d just been doing.
Now free to watch the princesses exchange, I was left debating on if a little more care should have been taken. At the very least, it could have been done a little more slyly and Luna would have looked way less crazy. Oh no, Celestia is probably really smart, she might figure out what’s going on.
Celestia, for her part, only sat in place with a single eyebrow raised in contemplation. Her gaze seemed to bore into my unplanned vehicle’s own, causing Luna to lightly wilt under the pressure. It felt horrible to know I’d caused this unpleasant interaction between two sisters. I actually had to force myself to keep watching the monitors, to keep myself in the loop.
Eventually, the awkward silence was ended by someone who was clearly an expert. “I see, well now you have your ruined coffee cup, are you ready to hear the news?” Celestia happily changed the subject, while she lost her unsure look. Huh, maybe Luna does weird things all the time?
While steadily picking up the apparent object of desire in a hoof, Luna hesitantly coughed out, “what dost thou wish to speak of?”
“Well, it is going to be a surprise. You will have to come down to the gardens with me,” Celestia said while taking a couple of steps towards the door. “We can clean up that mess later sister.” She idly said as she saw Luna half-heartedly look down at her pile of splinters.
The words caused my camera to spin a circle, likely meaning Luna rolled her eyes, before she shot back, “just tell Us what thou hast planned. We may choose to continue enjoying our morning alone a little longer.” Seriously, she actually enjoyed me using this weird keyboard? I don’t think that gives me free reign to keep using it, but it’s food for thought.
“Oh, you are no fun sometimes Lulu,” came the slightly disappointed reply. The alicorn quickly rallied however when she said, “well, it just so happens that a certain alicorn has signed permission for a breezie to move into our garden. From what the interviewer said, he is quite the friendly little bug.” She knows! She knows! I’m so in trouble. My mind started to race with all the possible punishments that could be heading my way, as my dragon fly wings buzzed nervously. Does that mean she’s talking directly to me?
“Truly? We always wished to meet another breezie.” The excitement in Luna’s tone actually eased my buzzing wings. My mind still raced with the possibilities of punishment, but it started to seem more and more like the Moon herself would forgive me. “Meeting a breezie would be a most welcome distraction indeed.” Luna continued, before walking under her own will towards the rooms exit. “Sister, We must make haste towards the garden. Our new friend awaits.”
A heart-warming giggle and a raised hoof delayed my transport’s exit. “Lulu, I was planning a little more tact than to enter the garden and call for him,” the eldest sister thankfully admonished. If they look for me out there, they’ll be looking for a long time. “Our forwardness could cause a creature as skittish as a breezie to hide from us.”
“What dost thou suggest?” the overexcited alicorn promptly responded, apparently desperate to meet me a little less closely than we already had.
“I was thinking we could go for a little walk and just so happen to accidentally cross paths with him,” Celestia suggested with an equally unlikely to work plan. Still, it’s funny that the all-powerful princess of the sun would go to all that trouble, just to have a polite conversation with me. Shame she can’t see me in Luna’s strange brain hotel.
“But breezie’s are so small. How will we encourage a coincidental encounter with him?” All you need to do is have a really annoying cold and keep me awake all night. Then I’ll apparently fly right up your muzzle. A good point though, they’d never find me unless I purposefully revealed myself.
“Well, I am sure you can discreetly run a tracking spell. You seemed quite adept at it when we used to play hide and seek,” Celestia said nonchalantly to my utter horror. Unaware of my building dread, she moved a hoof towards my camera and gestured towards the door. “Now come along, his home is near the Lily’s.”
“Wait for Us sister,” were the words that marked Luna’s swift exit through the door, before falling into step with the eldest pony.
The building dread finally ended my paralysis, causing me to take desperate action. My hooves rapidly danced over the keyboard, typing one final thing into the computer. Upon hitting enter, I sat back to witness the results. “Say sister, do you know any ways of helping a breezie escape a pony’s head? Just asking for a friend,” was casually blurted out of the Moon’s mouth as if it was a natural part of the conversation. Lacking any of the nervousness it would have if I’d delivered it myself.
The strangeness of the statement caused Celestia to tilt her head towards the Moon for a moment, before a chuckle escaped her. “That is quite funny sister, I think it is unlikely we would need to worry about such an eventuality.”
“Thou never know sister, accidents do happen.”
Author's Note
Wrote this over a year ago and it's just been sat waiting to be edited by my lazy self.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed a dumb idea past me had in 2022
