Or, Teachers Dysfunction Day
WINTER BREAK
By Kris Overstreet
based on Past Sins by Pen Stroke
Thousands of ponies walked or trotted across the snow-spattered streets of Canterlot, each busy with their preparations for Hearth’s Warming Day. Two ponies in particular caused many of the others to stop and stare as they passed by. And who could blame them? Most ponies in Canterlot had a horn, and many had wings, but in all of Equestria only five ponies had both- and you didn’t expect to see any of those five casually walking along the Canterlot streets, even at this time of year.
And even if you accepted the lavender alicorn as unremarkable, the solid black one with turquoise cat’s eyes would grab your attention- and awaken ancient anxieties- whether you wanted it or not.
The two ponies in question knew about the stares. A year before, they’d gone to great lengths to avoid them. Today, they just ignored it all, making their way past the holiday shoppers towards one of the city’s best-known landmarks.
“Twilight,” Nyx complained, wrapping her scarf more tightly around her neck, “this is really cutting into my visit-the-grandparents time.”
“But it’s a great opportunity!” Princess Twilight Sparkle told her adopted daughter. “When else could you get a preview of Celestia’s School while the faculty is still here?” Unlike the previous year, the two of them would be returning to Ponyville for Hearth’s Warming, and so they were in Canterlot early for some holiday time with Twilight’s parents… and, apparently, also with her former teachers.
“But I want to finish school in Ponyville,” Nyx said. “You know, where all my friends are? And only one of whom is a unicorn?”
Twilight shrugged, twitching when her wings shrugged along with her forelegs. She still hadn’t got used to having six limbs instead of four. “Nyx, I’m the last pony who’d ever argue against friendship,” Twilight said, “but you really need to consider your career after you graduate from Cheerilee’s school.”
“Career?” Nyx spread her wings as wide as they would go, wiggling the tips to emphasize the point.
“Well, didn’t you say you don’t want to be a princess?” Twilight asked.
“I didn’t think I got a choice,” Nyx said. “It’s not like they’ll let an alicorn hold some ordinary job, like construction worker or horticulturalist or professional athlete or movie extra or anything like that.”
“Well, whatever you decide to do,” Twilight Sparkle said firmly, pushing open the large double doors of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, “I’m sure a degree from Celestia’s School would open doors for you. And even if you don’t choose to enroll, you can at least see what schools are like outside of Ponyville.”
“Fine,” Nyx said. “At least we can be in out of the cold. I forgot how chilly Canterlot is this time of year.”
Twilight had chosen this day to visit because classes were over for the holiday break, but most of the faculty had a work day to finish paperwork, grade exams, and clean up before they went on their own vacations. The grand foyer and the hallways lay empty, and the hoofsteps of the two alicorns echoed up and down the halls, even with the carpet muffling them. But almost every classroom still had a light on inside.
“Let’s see,” Twilight muttered to herself, “as much as I’d like to show off the observatory, it won’t be open while the snow is falling.”
“Or in the daytime,” Nyx muttered.
“And you’ve seen the Royal Archives,” Twilight continued. “So what would be the best place to… Oh! I know!” She reached a hoof out to the doorknob of the door nearest to her. “The School for Gifted Unicorns has one of the best science labs in all Equestria! Just wait till you see their collection of Erlenneigher flasks!”
Nyx couldn’t help rolling her eyes. “Thrillsville,” she said.
To be fair, it was a very nice school laboratory, for those ponies into that sort of thing. A locked cabinet did, indeed, display a very large stock of heat-tolerant glassware of many shapes and sizes. There were sinks and connections for burners and several fume hoods and two first-aid stations with eyewash fountains and first aid kits, not to mention many other things which Nyx didn’t hear about because her brain had tuned out Twilight’s happy babble about them all.
She’d tuned out so thoroughly, in fact, that she jumped halfway to the ceiling when a strange new voice cut in: “Oh my GOODNESS, is this Nightmare Moon?”
As Nyx fluttered back to the floor, Twilight answered for her. “This is my adopted daughter, Princess Nyx,” she said, coating each word with thick layers of warning. “Nyx, this is Professor Bunsen, my former biology teacher.”
“Um… hello.” Nyx looked at the teacher, who wore a labcoat, a pair of safety goggles, and more soot than a normal unicorn should be comfortable with. The ends of his mane looked, for lack of a better word, crispy. And, almost hidden behind his black-rimmed glasses, there seemed to be something off with his eyes.
“Is it me,” Nyx asked Twilight cautiously, “or is Professor Bunsen missing an eyebrow?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Professor Bunsen said, waving it away with a hoof. “Occupational hazard when you’re cleaning out chemical lab drains.”
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “You’re supposed to use the drain snake,” she said. “Not your own magic.”
“But where’s the fun in that?” Bunsen asked. “I enjoy using my own magic to clean!” He leaned over conspiratorially and added, “You might say that I get a big BANG out of it.”
“Or I might not,” Nyx said, edging away.
Bunsen shrugged. “Fair enough,” he said. “But enough about me! Let’s talk about you!” With a flash of magic several objects floated over to hover around him. Nyx could identify the notepad and pencil, but none of the other things. “You are the pony who was created by Superintendent Spell Nexus’s attempt to reincarnate Nightmare Moon, right?”
Nyx sighed. “Yes,” she said, “and I really am sorry about that time I took over Equestria and imprisoned Celestia and Luna.”
“Oh, pish-tosh,” Bunsen said, waving this away. “This isn’t a history lecture, this is a science lab!” He leaned over Nyx, his eyes looking a bit wilder behind his glasses. “And you are the only pony in living memory to have been created ex nihilo from magic!”
“From forbidden magic, Professor,” Twilight warned.
“Well, of course,” Bunsen said with another dismissive wave. “But the principles behind that spell could be adapted to so many medical applications! Lost limbs restored! Eyesight to the blind! Possibly even an end to old age itself!”
“Maybe that part could wait until I’ve grown up again?” Nyx asked, taking another nervous step backwards.
“So tell me- it’s been, what, a year and a half now? More?” Bunsen pressed, not noticing Nyx’s growing fear. “Tell me, has your incarnation been stable? Any signs of spell unraveling? Or perhaps the opposite? Have you experienced a sudden spike in your magic potential? How’s your ATP cycle?” One of the unidentifiable devices floated down towards Nyx’s head.
A flash of light lit up the room, and when it faded the device was a small pile of smoking ashes on the lab tile. “Professor!” Twilight shouted. “Leaving aside the issue of informed consent, this is not a lab animal. This is my daughter. What are you even thinking??”
“Miss Sparkle,” Bunsen said, calming down only a little, “I am fully aware of the ethical proprieties. And I will not do anything without your daughter’s permission.” Forgetting himself, he began to pick up steam again, going into full babble mode. “But the possibilities, I mean, yes I should probably be consulting Bastion, but he’s all about magical theory, and I think that’s beside the point if the biology doesn’t work, and here we have evidence on the hoof of whether or not it’s working, and it would be a crime against all equinity if we-“
The lab door creaked open. It hadn’t creaked when Twilight and Nyx had come in, but it creaked loudly now. A blue unicorn stallion with blue eyes and a thick coif of snow-white mane stood in the doorway, glaring daggers at Nyx.
“Spell Nexus,” she whispered.
“Oh, superintendent!” Professor Bunsen switched his babble from Twilight to the new arrival with barely a pause. “Look who’s visiting us today! It’s Nightmare Moon! Do you realize what a fantastic opportunity this is to-“
Spell Nexus’s glare snapped away from Nyx to latch directly onto Bunsen. “Professor Bunsen,” he said in tones which set off far too many bad memories in the back of Nyx’s mind, “a word with you in my office. Now.”
The door creaked shut behind him.
Even an enthusiastic scientist like Professor Bunsen could understand that he’d just been called onto the carpet. With a nervous smile, he chuckled unconvincingly and said, “I suppose we could postpone this for now, huh?” He opened the door without the slightest bit of creaking, said “Feel free to look around, but hooves off the chemicals, please!” and was gone.
After a couple of deep breaths, Nyx looked at Twilight and said, “And that’s another reason. Nothing like that ever happens in Miss Cheerilee’s classroom.”
Twilight sighed. “Professor Bunsen is just… well… flighty,” she said. “Maybe we should look in at another teacher instead.” She perked up a little and added, “I think I know one you’ll really like.”
Twilight Sparkle’s hoofsteps slowed as she entered the classroom. “This doesn’t look right,” she said. “But I’d swear this was the right room!”
To Nyx it seemed like a classroom- any classroom, if much larger than Cheerilee’s one-room school. There was a globe in the corner. There were bookshelves and cabinets. There were portraits of Celestia and Luna above the chalkboard. But there were a few other touches: a map of Equstria, a bust of the Wonderbolts leader Admiral Fairweather, copies of famous paintings of the Founding of Equestria and the Surrender of the Griffon Armada. Nyx had seen them in books, but not on a classroom wall before.
And, at the teacher’s desk, there was a teacher- another unicorn. This one was a mare, with blue mane tied up neatly into a bun and bored-looking green eyes just looking up from a stack of papers. “Good morning,” she said, not sounding like she thought it was particularly good at all. “Is there something I can… help… you…”
The voice slowed down as the green eyes locked onto Nyx.
The eyes widened.
The slightly frowning mouth turned up into a grin so broad that it made a noise. It went squee.
Oh, no, Nyx thought.
“Actually, we were looking for Miss Ha-“ Twilight began, only to be cut off as the teacher zipped over to the two of them so fast she might as well have teleported there.
“ohmystarsohmygoodnessgraciousyou’rePrincessNyxhowwonderfultomeetyou!” the teacher babbled in a single rushed breath. “Ican’tbelieveyou’reinmyclassroomohthisissowonderfulIjustcan’tbelieveit!”
Nyx backpedaled until her rump struck the classroom door, which had closed behind them. “Er, nice to meet you,” she managed. “And you are…?”
The teacher blinked. “Oh, I forgot, didn’t I?” she said. “How silly of me. My name is Musty Tome. I’m the junior history teacher on faculty!”
“History?” Twilight asked. “What happened to Professor Fable?”
“I’m told he’s enjoying his retirement down in Farthest Reaches,” Musty said. “I’ve never met him, though. I only got this job last year. But enough about recent events!” Her attention turned back exclusively to Nyx. “Is there anything you’d like? Wheat crackers? Sour ball? Dehydrated water?” She frowned slightly and added, “I’m sorry about the choices, but I wasn’t expecting to have to share today.”
“If you could just tell us-“ Twilight Sparkle began again.
“Oh, I’m sure we could order something from Pony Joe!” Musty overrode her. “I mean, having an actual historical figure in my classroom, well, if that isn’t justification enough for going off the old diet, well nothing is, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Nyx said. “On account of only being a little filly.”
“Well, that’s settled, then!” Musty’s horn flared, and pen and parchment met briefly before the resulting short note vanished in a flash of light. “There! Joe will send a pony up with a dozen of his best! Now, while we’re waiting-“
“Actually we can’t stay because we’re looking-“
In Musty’s little world, Twilight Sparkle didn’t exist. “-please, tell me all about yourself! I’ve got so many questions!” More magic flared, and Nyx found herself levitated from the doorway and over to the teacher’s desk, where she was set gently onto the teacher’s stool. Musty, for her own part, took a seat at a student desk in the front row and looked back at Nyx, eyes all innocent attention.
“Er… I…” Nyx found this even more unsettling than Professor Bunsen. At least she understood why Bunsen scared her. “Um, my name is Nyx, I’m either a year and a half or one thousand seven hundred and thirty-two depending on where you start counting, I was created by forbidden magic nobody’s allowed to talk about, I was queen of Equestria for a few days, and my favorite hobby is reading.” There, she thought. Is that enough to satisfy her?
That thought spiraled out of the sky in flames within two seconds. “So you are the reincarnation of Nightmare Moon!” Musty giggled. “That’s wonderful! Please, tell me all about it!”
“Miss Tome,” Twilight Sparkle said, putting on her firm tones again, “if you’re on this faculty you must be aware that everything about the reign of Queen Nightmare Moon is under official seal for the next twenty years.” She gestured a hoof at Nyx and added, “In order to protect her.”
“Oh, no no no!” Musty giggled again, waving this away. “Everypony knows about that! No, I meant about when Nightmare Moon was first created!” She folded her forehooves together and sighed. “I tried asking Princess Celestia, but she won’t talk about it, and so many of the historical archives of the era were left behind when the Castle of the Two Sisters was abandoned! And besides, a primary source is always so much more valuable, do you see?”
“Er…” Nyx fidgeted her forehooves on the desktop. “Um, I really don’t remember much that far back. Those are Princess Luna’s memories, not mine, and she took most of those back.”
“Well, anything you could give me would be most helpful!” Musty said. “For example, what was the typical diet of an ordinary pony at the time of your coronation? How heavy was the work load for the founding generation of Equestria, that made them too tired to appreciate the night? What color was the blanket on your bed?”
“What??” Nyx gasped.
“I’ve got twenty bits riding on it being grape,” Musty continued. “That old fuddy-duddy Holograph Record insists it would be royal purple, but that was the color of the house of Platinum, and you and Celestia basically supplanted them.” She leaned forward again and added, “By the way, is it true you dumped Princess Platinum herself down a trap door in your castle and into a mud wallow-“
“I don’t know!” Nyx insisted. “That was Princess Luna! I’m not her anymore! All I have of her memories are little bits and scraps, like how much she likes pineapple, or-“
“She likes pineapple??” Musty leaned forward so far the desk she’d been sitting in flipped forwards, dumping her on the floor. Practically without a pause she was back on her hooves, leaning over the desk. “Now we’re getting somewhere! Raw? Cooked? On pizza? The historical record needs to know!!”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!!” Twilight Sparkle’s magic enveloped Musty Tome, yanking her away from a terrified Nyx. “What has happened to the faculty of this school since I left? First Professor Bunsen, and now you! Is there some new rule about not respecting personal boundaries that-“
The classroom door creaked open. Through it stepped Spell Nexus. Once again, his glare locked directly on Nyx and remained there.
Musty Tome, still held over the floor by Twilight Sparkle’s magic, waved at him. “Superintendent Nexus!” she called out cheerfully. “Look who’s come to visit us! It’s Princess-“
“Miss Tome.” Spell Nexus visibly wrenched his eyes off of Nyx and onto the history teacher. “I wish a word with you in private. At once, if you please.”
The door creaked shut, and Spell Nexus was gone.
Musty Tome’s smile took on a distinctly guilty aspect. “Heh heh,” she giggled awkwardly, “the superintendent is a fine pony, really. He just has these… well… moods.” As her hooves were allowed to touch the tile again, she added, “I hope we’ll have an opportunity to pick up on this later. Enjoy your visit!”
And then, without the creaking but with much greater speed, the teacher was gone, leaving Twilight and Nyx alone in the classroom.
“What is wrong with these ponies?” Twilight said. “I’m starting to agree with you about staying in Cheerilee’s school.”
“Great. Glad that’s settled,” Nyx said, still too frightened to be properly angry but getting there quickly. “We can be back at your parents’ house for lunch. What’s Granny Velvet making, do you know?”
“No,” Twilight Sparkle said firmly. “Not yet, anyway. There is one teacher I know who is definitely not like those two, and I want you to meet her before we leave. And we’re going to do it if it takes-“
Someone knocked on the classroom door. It opened, and an acne-spotted gangly unicorn colt wearing a paper hat and a thick jacket stepped in. “Order from Joe’s Donuts,” he said. “Did you order a dozen glazed and a thermos of coffee?” A box and a flask levitated up. “There’s a two-bit deposit on the thermos.”
After scarfing down some donuts and leaving the rest for Musty Tome, the two alicorns stopped in the next classroom and had a mercifully polite and brief encounter with the professor of economics, who gave them directions to a classroom almost entirely on the other end of the school building.
The two of them had just barely got past the foyer again when a loud explosion erupted from behind a nearby door. “That’s the magical studies lab!” Twilight gasped. “Come on! And stay behind me!”
Enough explosions happened in the lab on a regular enough basis that the door had been triply reinforced with some of the thickest hinges Nyx had seen on anything smaller than a castle drawbridge. Fortunately it had been unlocked, since Twilight’s magic had yanked the door hard enough to slightly twist one of those massive hinges, so that it squealed shut behind them with the sound of metal not just rubbing but grinding on metal. On the other side lay smoke, more smoke, and if you didn’t like those options, a bit of fog as well.
“It’s all right! It’s all right!” a male voice shouted from the middle of the cloud. “I meant to do that! Just a moment!” Something clicked, and a loud fan began blowing, sucking most of the smoke and fog out of the room through a vent in the ceiling. As the air cleared, it unveiled the speaker, a rather young-looking stallion wearing the traditional starry robe and pointy hat of a professional wizard.
“Are you all right?” Twilight asked. Then her eyes squinted slightly. “Wait a moment,” she said cautiously. “Don’t I know you?”
The stallion squinted slightly, then grinned. “Why, it’s Twilight Sparkle!” he said. “My, but you’ve come up in the world!” He chuckled and added, “Not that we all didn’t expect that, since you were Celestia’s personal student!” He shrugged and added, “You were out of class half the time with her, and I was a year ahead, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember me. I’m Flamma William! Graduated valedictorian three years ago, got my doctorate last year, and straight onto the faculty as junior research wizard!”
“Er… congratulations,” Twilight said awkwardly. “It’s good to see you, er… Flamma-“
“Oh, please call me Bill,” Flamma said.
“Are you certain you’re all right?” Nyx asked.
Flamma looked down. “Oh, hello there,” he said. “You must be Nyx. Thinking about applying to join the school?”
“Not really,” Nyx said bluntly. “I’ve got friends at the school in Ponyville I want to stay with. And besides,” she said, a little cautiously, “I’m… er… not exactly impressed with the teachers.”
“As a student?” This caught Flamma by surprise. “I meant join the faculty.”
Two alicorn jaws dropped, and two alicorn voices shouted as one, “WHAT?”
“Well, you’re Nightmare Moon, aren’t you?” Flamma said, spreading his forehooves at Nyx. “Well, I mean not the original, but you ruled Equestria for a while, right? You’ve probably forgotten more magic than half the faculty ever learned, me included!”
“That’s literally correct,” Nyx said. “All of that was Nightmare Moon’s knowledge. Princess Luna’s. She took it all back. I don’t have that anymore.”
Flamma deflated slightly. “You don’t?” he asked. “What about dream magic? So far as I can tell, only Princess Luna has that, because of her cutie mark. Do you remember any of that?”
“Er… no?” Without her realizing it, one of Nyx’s rear hooves slid backwards in preparation to run for her life, if necessary.
It wasn’t. “That’s too bad,” Flamma said, deflating a bit. “I was kind of hoping you could give me some pointers. It’s always sad when we lose a spell that’s tied to someone’s cutie mark, especially one as useful as dreamwalking.”
“Useful doesn’t make it good,” Nyx pointed out. “Luna uses it to protect ponies because she’s a good pony herself. But a lot of bad ponies could abuse it in all sorts of ways- learning secrets, tormenting enemies, even controlling minds. I can see why Luna doesn’t teach it to others, if she even can.”
“Well, yes,” Flamma said, nodding. “All of that is true. But dream monsters exist regardless of whether someone is protecting dreams or not. Someone will need to take Luna’s place if anything happens to her.” He turned his attention to Twilight and added, “Sort of like how we’ve lost the spell the ancient unicorns used to raise sun and moon before the Sisters came. Have they taught you the spell, Twilight?”
“Well… kind of,” Twilight admitted. “I can’t do it right this minute, but I did it once during the Tirek crisis.”
“Well, there you go,” Flamma said. “And you see, that’s my main field- preserving rare magic and recovering lost magic. I did my thesis on the thaumaturgical underpinnings of the creation of Paradise Estate. We have tantalizing hints about how it was done, but think how easy it would be to create new farms and villages if we could just cast a spell and make a building appear.”
“Was that what you were doing?” Nyx asked. “Trying to make a house inside a school building?”
Flamma laughed. “No, no! That would be insane!” he said. “No, I was just trying to melt sugar over my gingerbread house. But… well, I got the temperature wrong.” He gestured to a pile of blackened, sticky mess on a tray sitting atop the central lab table. “I guess I’ll just buy one at the store tonight for Hearth’s Warming.”
Nyx looked over the pile of burnt confectionery. It didn’t seem the least bit appetizing, but she had a tiny perverse desire to taste it anyway. The rest of her mind, of course, vetoed the idea. “Does this happen to you a lot?” she asked.
“Afraid so.” Flamma’s smile went a bit wry. “That’s my cutie mark talent at work. Got it the day I cast my first fireball spell. Now I can make anything burn.” The smile almost went away as he added, “Even if I don’t want it to. It’s why I studied so hard to be the best wizard I could be.”
“I don’t blame you,” Nyx said. “After all, nobody wants their career to go up in smoke.”
“Everyone thinks they’re the first,” Flamma said, but his smile grew back to normal. “Anyway, enough about me. I know Twilight knows this lab like the frog of her hoof, but do you have any ques-“
The door creaked open, and Spell Nexus stepped in. Once again his eyes locked onto Nyx’s and stayed there.
“Hello, Superintendent,” Flamma said cheerfully. “Is everything going all right?”
Spell Nexus’s lips moved a little, but he said nothing, and his eyes didn’t lift from Nyx’s even once.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Professor Nexus?” she asked. “Is something wrong?”
That got him to blink, and his eyes left Nyx’s. He noted the tiny wisp of smoke still rising from the ex-gingerbread house, then looked at Flamma. “Again?” he asked.
Flamma nodded. “You know how it is.”
Spell Nexus nodded once, just once, in reply. His lips moved a little, and then he muttered, “Very well,” and departed, once more with a creak of door hinges.
Nyx threw up her hooves. “What was UP with that?” she shouted. “This time we didn’t even need saving! This time the teacher was SANE!” After a moment’s pause and a glance at the failed baking project, she added, “Well, mostly.”
Twilight sighed. “Nyx, I know this hasn’t gone well,” she said. “And I’ll have a word with Princess Celestia myself about all this tomorrow.”
“Um,” Flamma said uncertainly, his smile vanished. “Could you not? It’s really not his fault, you know.”
“Well, yes, I do know,” Nyx said. “He got possessed by dark magic left over from Nightmare Moon. He wasn’t in his right mind, I know that. But that was then, and this-!”
“That wasn’t what I meant, exactly,” Flamma said. “You remember how most of Superintendent Nexus’s core followers were also school faculty?”
“Well… kinda?” Nyx asked. “I didn’t exactly think much about it at the time.”
“Neither did I,” Twilight said. “I just assumed they were possessed like he was.”
“From what I’m told, that’s right,” Flamma said. “But when it was all over, a lot of them decided to take an early retirement. They needed space to find who they were again. But that left a lot of openings on the faculty. And most of the teachers who left were the really good ones- Spell Nexus recruited the ones he thought were the best. So right now half the teachers are young newbies like me…”
“… and the other half are the crackpots like Professor Bunsen,” Twilight finished, ears drooping.
“Pretty much,” Flamma nodded. “And Spell Nexus feels like he’s responsible, both for the cult and for hiring… well,” he shrugged, “we’re not exactly the cream of the crop, as new teachers go. The research labs get the real top talent. So he’s always in and out checking on all of us, trying to keep the School’s standards up all by himself.”
“Okay, I can get that,” Nyx said. “But what’s with the creaking doors? And all the creepy staring? He wasn’t like this last year.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Flamma said. “He’s not usually like this here, either. What was he like last year?”
Nyx pondered her answer carefully. Drunk and maudlin, while true, didn’t seem like something a filly should say of any adult, or even to any adult. “Well… he wasn’t well,” she said, settling for vagueness over accuracy. “But he wasn’t this creepy, either. He was… well, he was kind of chatty… all things considered…”
“Professor Nexus felt really guilty over the whole thing,” Twilight added. “And then he felt guilty about the things he told Nyx at the time. It… well… it was a difficult Hearth’s Warming, and let’s leave it at that.”
“Sure,” Flamma said. “Not my business. But he really is doing his best. And he’s… well, he’s mostly the same Spell Nexus we knew when we were students, Twilight. He’ll never be Mr. Congenial, but he’s not a bad pony. He means well.”
“That’s not really comforting,” Nyx grumbled.
“I’ll be sure to tell Princess Celestia what you said,” Twilight added a little more loudly, trying to pretend Nyx hadn’t spoken. “And I suppose we really should move on. There is one teacher who didn’t retire that I really want Nyx to meet before we leave.”
The two alicorns had hardly taken a step down the hallway before they heard the by now familiar sound of creaky door hinges. This time the sound came from ahead of them, and they looked down the hall just in time to see a blue unicorn with a white mane stepping through a classroom door.
“Uh-oh,” Twilight muttered. “I think that’s Miss Hackney’s door.”
“Who’s Miss Hackney?” Nyx asked.
“She was my homeroom teacher for elementary grades,” Twilight said. “I had her for the first few years I was at the school. She was kind and gentle and understanding. Nothing like Bunsen or Musty Tome.” She smiled a little and added, “She’s the teacher I wanted you to meet.”
It didn’t take long before they heard the shouting. After a few steps, they could understand the words, even through the walls and door.
“… there has got to be something seriously wrong with me, Hackney!”
It was Spell Nexus, sounding anything but cold and formal. In fact, he sounded one step short of overwrought.
“Every time I find them, I can’t stop staring at her! And I know I ought to say something, but I can’t! The words just won’t come! I just stand there staring like a fool until I find someone else to talk to!”
A soft, gentle voice, too soft for Twilight or Nyx to understand the words, said something in reply.
“I tried!” Spell Nexus said. “But… well, every time I see Nyx it all comes flooding back to me! I remember being puppeted around, being the twisted thing I was under the Nightmare’s so-called blessing! It’s like reliving years of horror all over again.”
Nyx’s ears wilted, and she flinched away. Twilight put a hoof to her lips, made a shushing motion, and then gestured to the classroom.
“And that’s not the worst part!” Spell Nexus continued. “At the same time I recall that time last year when she came to my house! When I’d given up on life! And what did I do with that second chance, Hackney? I broke an innocent little filly’s heart, that’s what! Thoughtlessly, carelessly, just babbled the exact worst words I could have said at that particular moment! And what should I say to her after that? What CAN I say?”
The soft voice said something very brief.
“Well, yes, I got that,” Spell Nexus replied, a little sarcastically. “I said I was sorry at the time!” Pause. “I think I did, anyway. I wasn’t thinking my best at the time. And Faust knows I’m still sorry.” Another pause. “Ye gads, the horrible things I’ve put that filly through. She must want to never see me again as long as I live. So why do I keep bumping into her?”
Most soft, comforting voice.
“I know, I know,” Spell Nexus said. “At least, I want to say I know. But I feel like I’ve just completely ruined her visit here just by existing. And I want to make it up to her, but every time I see her I get the world’s most idiotic case of lockjaw!”
A rather long, soft, comforting voice.
“You’re right,” Spell Nexus replied, his voice soft enough that Nyx and Twilight now had to struggle to make it out. “I’m sorry for burdening you with this. But it’s just so frustrating that I couldn’t wait for the therapist. I mean, if Nyx came through that door right now, what could I possibly say to her?”
Nyx smirked. Now that, she thought, was the most perfect entrance line she’d heard in weeks. With a dash she lunged past Twilight, pushed through the perfectly creakless door, and stood before the two ponies.
Miss Hackney was a good bit older than Miss Cheerilee, though not yet actually old. And, despite her gray mane and nearly-gray coat and the rather unfortunate reading glasses, she had the same warm smile and friendly eyes as Cheerilee did. At a glance Nyx understood exactly why Twilight had wanted to wrap up the visit with her.
But that would have to wait. She had a plan to implement. If Spell Nexus couldn’t say anything, then Nyx would have to do the talking. “There you are!” she snapped, giving herself a little of the imperious tone of Nightmare Moon- but just a little, leavening it with layers of pure fillyhood. “Some prime minister you are! You’re late for our lunch appointment!”
Behind her, she heard Twilight groan. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Miss Hackney suppress a giggle behind one hoof. But she kept her full attention on Spell Nexus, whose jaw had dropped and whose left eye had developed a nervous twitch.
“Did you forget?” Nyx asked. “Or did you think that I would come visit your school without speaking to you even once?” She gestured an imperious hoof behind her. “Now come! A booth at Pony Joe’s is waiting for us!”
Spell Nexus’s jaw worked awkwardly for a few seconds, and then words managed to come out. “We… actually we can’t go to Pony Joe’s,” he muttered.
“What? Why not?” Nyx asked. “The donuts are superb.”
“Because, dear,” Miss Hackney put in, “Pony Joe’s is a place where students hang out. It would be awkward for everyone if teachers kept dropping in too. The students couldn’t study, and we couldn’t relax. That’s why we have orders delivered for the faculty.”
“Oh.” Nyx shrugged. “Well, then I suppose you’ll have to settle for Grandma Velvet’s cooking.” She turned to look at Twilight. “Do you think there’ll be enough?”
Twilight gave a little smile. “We’ll work something out.”
Two alicorns and a unicorn walked the snow-covered streets of Canterlot.
“I suppose you heard me ranting to Miss Hackney,” Spell Nexus said, a bit awkwardly.
“Yup,” Nyx said. “And believe me, I totally understand how you feel, now.” She sighed and said, “It’s more or less how I feel when talking to every pony in Equestria, except for my family and friends.”
“Ah.” Spell Nexus shuffled a step or two before finding his gait again. “I suppose it would be.”
“Yeah. So…” Now that Nyx had said it, she’d suddenly contracted the same case of lockjaw Spell Nexus had been complaining about. She forced the words out anyway. “I don’t think we’re ever going to be close, exactly. What we both went through… wasn’t good. At all.”
“No,” Spell Nexus agreed.
“But… well, just because…” Wow, this really was harder than she’d expected. “Just because you remind me of so many bad things, doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Or that you’re a bad pony, ‘cause you’re not. And I really wish you wouldn’t think about yourself like that.”
“I… will try not to,” Spell Nexus said. “I do have a therapist. She helps. But… well, there are good days and bad days.” He sighed, shaking his head. “And today turned out to be a very bad day. I’m sorry you were caught up in it.”
“Well, we’ll just have to make it better,” Nyx said firmly. “It’s not even noon yet, you know. And I’ve only seen a small part of your school.”
This time Spell Nexus didn’t shuffle, he stopped completely. “You want to go back?” he asked. “After what you went through already?”
“Mr. Flamma wasn’t bad at all,” Nyx said. “And I do want to meet Miss Hackney properly.” She looked away and added, “And as for the rest of it… well, maybe you could make it… less bad?”
Spell Nexus bowed his head. “I will do my utmost,” he said. In a quieter voice, he added, “And thank you.”
“Happy Hearth’s Warming,” Nyx said.
The three of them went on for another block before Twilight said, “I didn’t want to interrupt, but I do have a question.”
“What is it?” Spell Nexus asked.
“How do you make the classroom doors creak like that for only you? What’s the trick?”
“What?” Spell Nexus froze on the street. “I thought they always did that! You mean they only do it when I open them?”
“That’s right,” Twilight said. “I thought it was some technique, or maybe a spell…”
“Not one I was aware of.” Spell Nexus tapped his chin. “Hm… could be an environmental effect. Personal morphic field affecting the local ether around-“
“Excuse me!” Nyx shouted. “Hungry child here! Also cold! And the house is right over there!” She pointed at Twilight’s childhood home, less than half a block away.
“Oh!” Spell Nexus fidgeted just a moment, then pulled his dignity back together. “Well, we can’t have that. We can discuss the possibilities later. After affairs of state have been dealt with.”
The three of them hurried on to warmth, food, and cheer, some assembly required.
Author's Note
This story takes place, more or less, during Season Five. We can assume that one pair of staring eyes belongs to a vengeful Starlight Glimmer, who doesn't actually get to interact with our characters in this story.
Brony-wan Kenobi requested a comedy, but to be honest the laughs kind of run aground when you finally have to make Spell Nexus and Nyx face each other. That's a relationship which will never not be awkward, as only those who have read the Past Sins stories will understand.
The original idea was to have all three of the teachers be nuts about having Nyx available to further their own research into (insert alicorn topic here). The story was going to end with Spell Nexus breaking up a three-way quarrel over their victim student. But by the time I'd written the second teacher, I'd ceased to find it funny. And besides, Twilight Sparkle could and would have sorted things out had not the doors creaked a moment before she was going to. So the third teacher, aside from having a bad pun name even by MLP standards, got to be fairly sane and to explain why Celestia employed two teachers with no concept of personal boundaries.
