A Discord Hearth Warming

by The Iguana Man

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 8036

Discord hosts a Hearth's Warming party in his otherworldly realm. This can only go well, right? Well, not entirely, but not in the way you might think.

As the years have passed, Discord has grown more comfortable and adapted to the world of mortal beings. He's learned a good deal of how they work, fumbled his way into knowing how to talk to them, he's even got himself more than one real friend - imagine that! As such, this year, he finally feels ready to host a gathering within his personal realm of chaos. And what better time for it than Hearth's Warming?

Everything is suited to them - Gravity is going down, Cause is making sure to precede Effect and all the necessary means of sustaining life - snacks, drinks, oxygen - are in plentiful supply. And yet, somehow, his guests seem a little uncomfortable.

Naturally, as host, it's his duty to get to the bottom of why.

Written for rpglover for Jinglemas 2022. I really hope they like it.

Published 2022-12-27 19:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-12-27 19:10:00 UTC

We Wish Y'An Uncanny Hearth's Warming and an Eerie New Year

Something's wrong here.

Now, for many creatures, such a thing being thought in the presence of a creature made of several different animal parts who could warp space, time and common sense with a mere thought would be a monumental statement of the obvious. However, the fact it was being thought by said amalgamation made it a little more notable and the fact that he suspected most regular ponies would agree made it worrying.

Discord hummed as he looked around the hall, stroking his beard thoughtfully. He was fairly sure that the room was perfectly acceptable to the ponies within it. True, it wasn't actually attached to any building beyond, just fading out into the chaos energy of his dimension – Discord had never really understood the appeal of tridimensional architecture; who could really flex their creative muscles with those pesky laws of physics around – but he didn't think that would be a problem. Similarly, he couldn't see anything unusual about the Hearth's Warming decorations he'd created for it. Yes, it had taken him a while after his reformation to get a feeling for the holiday and the ideas behind it, but he'd been living mostly among the beings of Equestria and beyond for long enough to get used to it. So, as far as he could see, everything should have been right, and yet, something was clearly wrong.

The heel of his taloned hand tapped against his hip in slight agitation as he thought. Admittedly, he wasn't the most empathetic of beings... though, in thinking that, he did become the proud winner of 'Understatement of the decade', for which he threw a small awards ceremony for himself in his lower top brain. However, looking around at the ponies and occasional other creatures who had accepted his invitation for a Hearth's Warming party, even he could see that they were all a little uncomfortable.

The chatter that diffused out of the many calm areas of the hall was mostly quite pleasant, but when Discord listened, he could tell it was just a little too dense – the guests were talking harder than normal partially to try and distract from their discomfort. The buffet along one wall certainly wasn't untouched, but it hadn't had nearly as much taken out of it as it should have, despite the fact it was all food that had been bought and cooked in their dimension... by someone else – amazing how ponies preferred food made by someone who couldn't tell you what blue tasted like. In the games area, everyone was definitely having fun, but they still seemed somewhat off – the ponies playing twister had lost their balance far more than usual and those playing darts all had their aim clearly thrown off. Why, Archer had missed a whole three bullseyes, that was how bad it was.

Even on the dance floor, ponies seemed a little off-balance. And given that that included Lyra, who had helped him select the music for the party, it clearly wasn't anything to do with what was being played. And yet, as she danced with her wife, she still had some noticeable hesitation in her hoofsteps. Discord's eyes briefly shot downwards to make sure he hadn't forgotten something, but quickly confirmed that he had indeed remembered to put the dance floor on the floor and not the ceiling this time, and that was where ponies were dancing.

Well, except for Derpy, but she danced up there in the normal world. Fewer things to break.

So, as far as he could see, everything should have made for a good party, but something was clearly wrong and he couldn't see what.

“Discord? Are you okay?”

A smile came onto his crooked mouth as he heard his first friend's voice and he looked down at her concerned eyes. “Just fine, Fluttershy. Why do you ask?”

Fluttershy tilted her head at him, her long hair rippling slightly as she did. “Well, I looked over and you seemed a little worried. I mean, the way you're stroking your beard and tapping your hip...”

Discord rolled his eyes even as his smile persisted. “Oh, I'm just thinking, that's all – a lot of ponies do the same thing.”

“...with the same hand.” Fluttershy finished, raising an eyebrow.

Discord stopped and blinked hard for a few seconds, paying attention to his body. After a shake of the head, he looked down to see that, indeed, his beard was several feet away from his chin at that moment.

He sighed, pulling down on his beard for a moment before letting it go, making it snap back to his chin like elastic. “It's just... well, I had hoped I could host an event that was... well, I don't want to say... normal,” he said the word slowly, as if he had trouble both forming the word and not punctuating it with a retch, “but at least that didn't disturb anyone.”

“Oh, I wouldn't say they're disturbed,” Fluttershy assured him, her voice far more certain and calm than if she were merely trying to console him – she clearly believed what she was saying and Discord had learned to defer to her judgment on others' dispositions. “I think everypony's just... taking a bit to get used to things. I mean, this is the first party you've thrown in your world. Come to think of it, it's the first time you've had more than a couple of your friends here.”

Discord raised an eyebrow, noticing how she hadn't mentioned the years it had taken and the number of friends he'd made before either he or they felt comfortable with the idea of a gathering in his realm. He wasn't sure whether she wasn't thinking about it or was simply being tactful, but he still noticed.

Still, after a moment, he refocused and pulled his eyebrow back down, reattaching it to his forehead. “Well, regardless, I just wish I knew what it was that was putting them off. I've done everything I can think of to make things as they would expect them.”

Fluttershy thought for a moment before shrugging. “Well, I think we'd have to ask them,” she said, looking around. “I can't see anything either, but I've visited enough that I might not notice something they would. Come on, let's ask somepony about it.”

As his pegasus friend turned and trotted off into the party, Discord sighed a little, knowing exactly which five ponies she was thinking of asking. Not that that was a problem, they were some of his first friends as well, even if it took longer to make them than he would have liked. It was just interesting to see, after all these years, how much those six still gravitated towards each other.

He chuckled a little to himself as he followed, weaving around the occasional guest before he reached Fluttershy, who had already found one of her friends leaning on a wall. The pony in question turned to him and tipped her hat. “Well, howdy, big guy. Somethin' I can help you with?”

Discord smiled lopsidedly. “Hmm, there's a thought – the party's host being served by his guests... yes, I like the sound of that.” He fell backwards, landing on the upside down legs of a couch. Behind him, two silhouettes of ponies briefly appeared, one fanning him with a large grape while the other made to feed him little palm leaves. After a moment, though, it all disappeared, leaving him to fall to the ground and bounce back up to a standing position. “However, for the moment, it'd probably be more appropriate to ask if I can do anything for you.”

Applejack stood for a moment, a little nonplussed by the display, before shrugging. “Nah, I'm fine.”

“Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked, keeping any insistence out of her voice to make it a genuine question.

“Yes,” Discord added, a little less accepting of her answer. “I haven't seen you eat anything all evening, or even try out any of the games I set up. Pity – I set up a bobbing-for-apples tank especially for you.”

Behind him, Berry Punch was just indulging in that very game, pulling an apple out of the water with her teeth. The apple then said “Hi! I'm Bob!”, causing her to whinny and drop it back in.

“Amazing how long those apples have lasted,” Discord added with a smirk.

Applejack raised an eyebrow slightly, but still smiled. “'Ppreciate the thought, but... well, with the way my appetite is right now, don't reckon I'd be up for puttin' nothin' in my mouth, let alone eatin' anythin'.”

Fluttershy's eyes widened. “Oh! Are you not feeling well? Do you need to sit down or...”

“Or go home?” Discord added. For a fraction of a second, the statement hung in the air before he blinked, realizing how it sounded. “Not that I want you to go at all – I'm glad you're here and I'd love it if you stayed but... well I don't want you to force yourself to stay if you're not up for it. If anything, I'm happy you came at all.”

Applejack sighed. “Well, ain't like I was feelin' like this before I came. And no,” she shot a quick, stern look at Discord, cutting off any thoughts about him having made her sick as well as any snide comments about the idea, “ain't anythin' you did. Ain't somethin' you can help, neither. 'Sjust the nature o' this whole place, I s'pose.”

“I, um... I don't think I follow,” Fluttershy piped up, her brow furrowing slightly.

Applejack chuckled. “Ain't surprisin'. Kinda hard t'explain. See, I'm an earth pony.”

“Are you really?! Can't believe I never noticed!” Discord's voice was thick with sarcastic astonishment. After a moment, though, he put a talon to his chin in thought. “Although, come to think of it, given your group's track record of growing appendages,” he suddenly sprouted a huge pair of wings and a long unicorn horn to illustrate, “probably a good idea to make it clear.”

“Look who's talkin',” Applejack said before shrugging off the sarcasm. “Thing is, though, we ain't called that just cause it's what we walk on. We got us a... connection with it. Sense of it.”

“Of earth?” Fluttershy asked, equally unbothered by Discord's display.

Applejack nodded. “Sorta. Earth, the ground, the planet, the life on and in it... like I said, ain't easy to put into words, but... we can always feel the connection there. Course, most folks don't really develop it too much, but when you're a farmer, you learn t'listen t'the land. Sense gets real sharp-like, y'know? Even when y'ain't touchin' it – up in the clouds or on one o' them big city skyscrapers, you can feel it. Planet's a big place after all. But here?” She shook her head and gave a slightly helpless shrug. “Just ain't there. 'slike bein' in one o' them sensey deprivin' thingies. Just... kinda sets you off-balance, is all.”

“I see,” Discord said, his eyes falling a little. Hearing that it was impossible for your home not to make some ponies uncomfortable when accommodating them was the entire point of this exercise was more than a little disheartening.

After a moment, an orange hoof picked up his chin and raised his face to see the smile of the pony who owned it. “Oh, come on, partner. No need to make such a long face. Erm...” the hoof quickly withdrew, as if cued by Applejack having stuck it in her mouth. “Er, no offense meant. I just... I just meant ain't no reason to be all bent outta sha... to be sad!” She shook her head, trying to get back on topic. “Ain't that bad – 'snot like I've gone blind or nothin'. Just somethin' I need to get used to, is all. Still a pretty fun party.

“In fact,” Applejack raised herself up and rolled her shoulders, looking more lively than she had all night, “I reckon I'm finally feelin' up for a bit o' dancing.” She glanced past Discord, towards the dance floor. “Good thing, too – I spy one good-lookin' pony who I wouldn't mind a dance with. Thanks for checkin' in, big guy. See you later.”

As the spry mare trotted past him, Discord turned to look at her destination, a smirk coming on his face as he thought about who he was going to see. His eyes scanned the dance floor... but saw neither literal-hide nor literal-hair of the distinctive colours he was expecting.

To his side, he heard Fluttershy come up alongside him. “Well, I guess that explains it.”

“For the earth ponies, at least,” Discord said, a little distracted as he scanned the crowd. “There are enough pegasi and unicorns and others that it still warrants questioning. Though apparently one less than I thought – where is she? Never known Dash to be hard to spot.”

“Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asked, her confused tone making Discord blink and look down at her. “Why are you looking for her? I mean, she would be a good pony to ask, but... why would she be on the dance floor?”

Discord paused, unsure for a moment how genuine the question was, before glancing back up towards the crowd. “Well, Applejack did say she was going to dance with someone, so I would have thought she'd be there. Who else would she... have...” he let out a long sigh, his paw twitching with the urge to slam it over his face. “Did I... make a bad assumption?”

He didn't have to look down to see the discomfort on Fluttershy's face. “You thought Dash and her were... oh...” She faded off into silence, answering Discord's question better than any words could.

Discord closed his eyes hard as he let out a growling exhale. Of course the one thing I manage to figure out about these ponies socially turns out to be wrong. He blew a sharp breath out of the side of his mouth and opened his eyes, realizing a moment too late that he'd just squeezed them hard enough to pop them down into his mouth. Annoyed, he swallowed them up through his brain and back into their sockets. “Well, I know that Dash is seeing somepony. I don't suppose you know who?” He asked, a mischievous smirk coming onto his face – he was only recently acquainted with the idea of gossip, but had found it remarkably to his liking.

Fluttershy swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. “Oh, I really don't think I should...”

“Oh, come now,” Discord curved his serpentine body down until his head was level with hers, “it can't be that embarrassing, can it?”

“No, it's just she knows it's supposed to be you talking about me behind my back, not with me behind yours.”

Discord's face froze for a moment when he heard the voice behind him. He quickly put a finger to his forehead and sent a pulse of heat through to thaw it, though, and turned with a smile. “Ah, Rainbow Dash. What a pleasure to see you.”

“As if it ever wouldn't be,” Rainbow replied with a teasing smirk as she leant against the wall, a paper plate full of snacks held in her wing and curved to keep the maximum volume of food on it at once without being in danger of collapsing. “Cool party,” she said after a moment before expertly flicking a pastry off the plate and into her mouth.

Discord smiled. “Happy you could make it. And...” he paused, trying to think of a way to phrase it without biasing her answer, “I trust you're not finding anything... unpleasant?”

“Eh, nothing I'd worry about,” she replied, not seeming to notice how infuriatingly vague her answer was. “And how could I not come see this... dimension-thingy after how Scoots raved about it.”

Discord sighed into a chuckle, resigning himself to the uncertainty as the incident Dash was referring to came to mind. “Yes, well, as fun as a party set in a multi-gravitational skate park sounds, I have rather changed things up since then, but I'm glad to hear she enjoyed herself. Though I would note that she hasn't asked to come back a second time.”

Rainbow shrugged. “She figures it's probably better to practice in the kind of park she's usually gonna be at – most places don't let you go along the walls, ceiling and air, right? Only asked you for one when the regular place was closed after her... accident.”

“Ah, I did wonder why she asked the favour,” Discord said, his tone thoroughly unsurprised. “Plus, I imagine it helps that I can deal with any further incidents. At least... when I remember to keep away from the wall she's scooting on.”

“Oh, yeah, she said something about a crash,” Rainbow replied, a sympathetic frown on her face. “She said she was fine but sounds like she nearly took your head off.”

“Hm, 'nearly', she says,” Discord replied, a sardonic, wistful smile on his face. “Anyway, glad you're enjoying yourself. Though I can't help but notice you haven't taken a stop with anyone beneath the mistletoe.” He gestured to one corner of the room, where an archway stood and, hung at the top, was both a sprig of mistletoe and one of holly, to make absolutely sure no one was confused what it was for. Of course, the archway didn't actually go anywhere except into a blank wall, so it was really more of an alcove, and the leaves were encased in a just-barely-visible-if-you-squinted force field to make sure no young fliers got any ideas, but it still technically fit the traditional requirements of a mistletoe arch.

Rainbow Dash looked over at the arch, her face going to a confused scrunch. “Huh? What's the mistletoe f- Oh, right!” She clopped a hoof on the floor in realization. “It's a Hearth's Warming party, isn't it?”

Discord's face started to fall before he caught himself and just let it droop slightly. “I'm assuming either you forgot what time of year it was or...”

Rainbow snorted. “What, after the holiday show the team performed Saturday? No chance in Tartarus am I gonna forget it's Hearth's Warming. It's just...” she rubbed a hoof against her leg awkwardly. “Well, don't get me wrong, it's a neat party, especially for you,” she didn't seem to notice the backhanded compliment, “but... well, it doesn't really feel like a Hearth's Warming party, y'know?”

Discord pushed his mouth to the side, trying to keep his disappointment from becoming visible. “I see. I... don't suppose there's anything I can quickly fix.”

Dash waved a hoof, dismissing any possible resentment she might seem to have. “Nah, don't worry – probably just a me thing. Plus, it'd be... hard to get right. See – and like I said, this is just how I feel – for it to feel like Hearth's Warming... it's gotta be cold outside.”

Discord's head straightened as he thought, trying to see where she was coming from. “Um... well, there's no snow, I suppose, but...”

“Nah, it ain't about snow,” Dash shook her head with a smirk. “Grew up in Cloudsdale, remember – not much snow up there. 'Cept when you were in control, of course, but... anyway, it's not about snow, you don't even need to have windows... though that helps. It's just about... knowing how cold it is. Like... it's Hearth's Warming, right? Gotta know what you're warming up from, I guess. Freezing outside, warm inside – that's Hearth's Warming to me.”

“Need the contrast?” Discord said quietly, a devious smile coming onto his face. “Well, in that case, I think I can help wi-”

“You're gonna pop me into some frozen part of the planet for a moment, aren't you?” Rainbow cut him off, casually putting her plate on a nearby table as she spoke.

Discord froze, his fingers held just pre-snap. After a second, though, he wilted. “Please tell me I've not become that predictable.”

“Okay, kid, I won't tell ya!” Rainbow replied in her best Vaulteville voice. After a moment, she continued normally. “Seriously, though, I wouldn't worry – only saw it coming cause it'd be a good prank. Anypony else? Woulda gotten 'em good. But, well, you gotta get up pre-tty early in the morning to get one over on Rainbow Dash.”

Discord raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh, that'd be enough, eh? Well, that's also something I can help with!” He clapped his hands twice and Rainbow vanished.

There was a moment's uncomfortable pause before Fluttershy spoke slowly. “Discord? Where did you send her?” Her voice wasn't yet into disapproval, but made it clear how perilously close to a talking-to he was.

Discord just smiled, however, and stepped towards a door that hadn't been there a few moments ago. “Oh, 'where' was just a few feet away. 'When', on the other hand...”

He unlocked and opened the door, revealing a room filled with beds, sports equipment, wonderbolts memorabilia and everything else a cursory knowledge of the vanished mare would assume she would like having. On a desk in the corner was a huge green button, on the wall was a calendar marked with the previous day and, standing next to the door, clearly having been expecting it to open, was a Rainbow Dash who, though it obviously wasn't visible to anyone, was exactly one day older.

Once the door was fully open, Dash trotted out and gave Discord a congratulatory punch on the shoulder. “Now, see, that? That one I didn't see coming – nice one.” That said, she picked up her plate again and headed back into the centre of the party.

Discord turned to Fluttershy, whose face was still not exactly happy.

After a moment, he gave an awkward chuckle. “If it helps, I'm as surprised as you that she didn't come back.” He gestured and the button flew to the doorway, showing that it had Return to Previous Time and Place printed on it in impossible-to-miss white letters. “I'm guessing either she liked the room even more than I expected or she just wanted to complete the joke.”

Fluttershy sighed and nodded before thinking for a moment. “Actually, if I know Rainbow, she was probably just thankful to have an extra day to think about what presents she's going to get everypony.”

“Ah!” Discord smiled before a thought occurred. “But... wait, isn't it Hearth's Warming in only...”

“Yes.”

“Right. I see.”

There was an awkward pause between the two – even by Fluttershy's standards – before Discord cleared his throat, a few thorns spurting into his mouth before he swallowed them again. “So, who's next on this little survey? Our beloved Princess friend?”

“Oh, er,” Fluttershy's nervous shuffling increased a notch, “well, I don't think we should bother her. I think she's busy with...” she glanced over Discord's shoulder.

“Busy? It's a Hearth's Warming party, why would...” He trailed off as he looked behind him at where Fluttershy's eyes were pointed. “I am positive I didn't make that alcove.”

“Um, well, it's more a full room,” Fluttershy replied, drawing a nod from Discord as they looked into said room, occasionally seeing some unidentifiable instrument (gotten from where, he didn't want to ask) and an ecstatic purple blur zip across the door-less entryway.

“And, well, she said that the chance to study so much chaos magic... or energy, I'm not sure about the difference,” Fluttershy cleared her throat guiltily, “she said it was the best present she could ask for.”

Discord hummed for a moment before focusing, tuning into the base substance of his dimension to listen to what Twilight was saying to herself.

“...ch seems to tend towards a level of twelve-point-zero-point-seven-point-blue. Okay, so that means that I should be able to use this to get a decent sponginess rating. Excellent. Wow, hope they get here soon – don't want to get too far without my partners.”

Discord raised an eyebrow, consciously electing to ignore the question of whether Twilight was imagining her results, finding some coincidental island of stability within the raw stuff of chaos or had actually done the impossible and found a way to apply rational scientific study to the literal definition of irrationality. Instead, he focused on the last part he'd heard. “Partners? Plural? I thought I only put plus-one on those invitations. And it seems like few found someone to come with anyway.”

“She didn't either,” Fluttershy explained, “but apparently one of the other guests did and they were both interested, so...”

Discord nodded, focusing back in on the room while still keeping his ears open for anything Fluttershy might add.

“Okay, so all it should take is a little bit of adjustment and three-and-a-half inversions and it should be able to get a good measurement of-”“There she is!”

Discord's head jerked up in surprise as Twilight's voice suddenly came from both the room he was looking at and behind him. Admittedly, that was exactly the sort of thing chaos magic allowed for and that he'd frequently done, but it was still startling to be on the receiving end for once. However, when he turned around, he saw that that wasn't the case, though the actual explanation sent another unfamiliar feeling through him – concern.

“Come on, Sunset, she's already started!”

“Twi, how are you...” A panting voice replied, “this energetic when not only... are you normally human, but a human... who's spent more time getting electric shocks than... using a gym?! Er, no offense.”

“Hm? Oh, none noticed, now come on! Time is research!”

“Oh, I know... believe me.”

“Right.” Discord said, finally averting his eyes and trying to push down his many, many apprehensions about this development. “Let's... let's leave them to it, shall we.” He went to walk away before pausing. “Although... personally, I give them five minutes before they fully turn that area into a laboratory and claim ownership of it.”

Fluttershy gave a slightly disapproving look. “Oh, I don't think that's fair at all!” She swallowed hard and looked away. “I mean, it'd probably take at least thirty to get all the stuff for...” she trailed off with a small look of self-reproach.

“Well,” Discord said firmly, eager to move on from the topic, “with that source of unicorn viewpoint...” he paused in thought. “Unicornial? Unicornic? Unicorny? Well, with her... indisposed, I suppose I know who we can ask next. And, as a bonus, somepony who stayed a unicorn.”

Fluttershy perked up slightly. “Oh, yes, I think I saw her over by the food table... ah, yes!” She smiled as she darted back into the party, heading for the buffet. Discord lingered for a moment, chuckling at her enthusiasm when it came to her friends, before following after.

He soon found her talking to Rarity, the elegant unicorn dressed in some outfit Discord was sure most ponies would be impressed with. Truth be told, he never had much of a taste for fashion – it always came aggravatingly close to being truly random, but could never fully embrace its own arbitrary form of chaos enough to be palatable – a field with no apparent laws, yet so many rules and doctrines as to be incomprehensible. Fashion truly was the ultimate organized chaos and that was just not something Discord could deal with.

Still, he got on with Rarity well enough that he was able to dismiss those thoughts easily as he came up and heard the tail end of her exchange with Fluttershy.

“...and she was asking after you. Well, in as many words as she was capable of, of course, but still, perhaps you ought to see what she wanted.”

“Oh, well, I'm always... very happy to talk to her, of course,” Fluttershy said with a smile before catching sight of Discord over Rarity's shoulder, “but will you be...?”

“Oh, have no fear, Darling,” Rarity assured her as she turned around halfway between the two, giving Discord a sly smile, “I'll be happy to entertain our host in the meantime.”

“Well, okay, if you're sure,” Fluttershy sidled away a couple of steps before pointing to a nearby area of the hall. “I'll just be... over there if you need anything.” She gave an awkward smile before trotting off. For a moment, Discord's head started to move to follow her before catching Rarity's look out of the corner of his eye, drawing his attention to her.

“You know,” he said with a slight smirk, “if I didn't know better, I'd say that sounded like an attempt to send her away so you could get me on my own.”

Rarity mirrored his smirk as perfectly as a pony's muzzle could. “Very astute.”

Discord's smile grew a little. “Oh, you should know by now, I'm always keen to see when things are for me alone. What can I do for you? Is the party to your liking?”

A delicate eyebrow raised as Rarity replied. “Bold of you to assume it's for your benefit, but yes, your little soiree is quite impressive, considering. However,” she continued smoothly, frustratingly not giving Discord a chance to ask what it was considering, “I couldn't help but notice the mistletoe... arch? Well, I'm not sure what you'd call it – most arches actually go somewhere, so I fear that... hole might be the appropriate term.”

Discord bobbed his head from side to side for the moment, weighing the term up in his head. “Mistletoe hole? Yes, I rather like the sound of that. And of course I had some – it's an important part of the holiday. And, of course, the invitations did include a plus-one. It'd be rude of me to deny my guests a chance to use it.”

“Oh, I quite understand, I certainly wasn't assuming some ulterior motive. It just got me... thinking about something. Tell me, how do you feel about our dear friend Fluttershy?”

Discord scoffed. “Oh, come now. You know perfectly well that we're very good friends. She was my first friend and...”

“Indeed, I'm aware,” Rarity interrupted, fixing him with a cold, searching glare, “but I didn't ask what the two of you were. I asked how you felt about her.”

“Why, Rarity! It almost sounds like you're asking about my romantic inclinations.” Discord stood up straight, an image of a stereotypical southern belle dress popping into existence on him. “You really expect a lady to just casually spill such delicate matters.

Rarity's face didn't change a millimeter. “Firstly, if it concerns a close friend and far more delicate soul like Fluttershy, they had better tell me; secondly, even ignoring the issue of gender, you are as quite as far from being a lady as is conceivable; and thirdly, you wearing that isn't exactly conducive to keeping our conversation private.

“Oh, not to worry,” Discord said with a dismissive wave. “The illusion's unidirectional – only you're seeing it.” He twirled in place, the image of the dress instantly turning out of sight as he did so, only reappearing when he was facing her again. “You see? No one can see it unless it's pointing towards them.” There was a brief pause as his brain caught up to his words. “...which means I just flashed everyone at the party an image of me in a dress.”

That raised one corner of Rarity's mouth a little. “Indeed – the results of that should be fascinating. However, as entertaining as your deflections are, I'm afraid I must press you for an answer. Yes or No – do you have feelings for Fluttershy?”

Discord let out an uncomfortable, growling hum, realizing far later than Rarity apparently did how he was avoiding the question. Still, while he didn't speak for quite a while, it was mostly because he had a hard time bringing his answer to either his conscious mind or his mouth. It certainly wasn't because he had no answer – he'd tried not to think about it enough times over the years that he couldn't help but come to one inescapable conclusion.

“I... don't know.” He sighed, for a moment relaxing enough that his impasse was obvious. “That's not a yes or no, but it includes a 'know', so it's the best I can do.” He squeezed his eyes tight for a moment, resolving to just get it out there. “I definitely thought I did. For some years, I thought I was in... I thought I had those feelings for her. And I was pretty sure she felt the same. But, well...”

“If I may be so bold,” Rarity cut in, though the interruption was obviously out of courtesy – helping get the words out that he was having trouble with, “that was before you truly connected with anypony else. Before you got a wider view of what friendship was like. Back when she was your only friend and you weren't quite sure what that meant and where the limits were.”

A snide remark almost started to form on Discord's tongue before fizzling out as he sighed again. “You sound very inured to the idea. It seems my situation isn't as unique as I might like to think.”

Rarity gave him a sympathetic smile. “No, but I wouldn't call that a bad thing, considering that others' experience can help you deal with it. And, indeed, when one has only one true friendship and little-to-no experience with or perspective about it, it is... not unknown for one to latch onto it in that way. And while it is... perhaps not always the healthiest of reactions, it is sometimes not without merit and isn't a bad sign – merely something to be either matured into something deeper or worked past. So, now that you have a bit more experience, what do you think?”

Discord shrugged. “I told you, I don't know. True, my friendship with her is different from with, say, Berry or Big Mac or... especially Lyra... and you all call me chaotic,” he trailed off with a smile for a moment before refocusing. “But... I don't know that it's much more different than they are from each other and whether the difference is something else or deeper or... I just don't know.”

He slumped down, looking more defeated than he had in any stone prison. A moment later, though, he felt a soft hoof on his lowered shoulder and looked up to see Rarity's encouraging smile.

“That's okay. If it helps, I suspect your uncertainty might just be the most you've ever been able to empathise with we mortals. And, well, after millennia of isolation, it's natural that it would take considerable time to truly learn all one might need to of friendship to advance beyond. And, while I realize you have no reason to value my advice, I feel I should still give it:”

She locked eyes with him, her gaze equal parts firm and gentle. “Don't force it. Let things continue to develop as they have been. If you truly have such feelings within you, they will come out naturally. And if they don't, then you'll be able to appreciate what you do have with her.”

Discord swallowed hard. “I suppose, but...” he wavered a moment, still hesitant to give voice to the question before the frankness of their talk finally drew it out of him, “what if that takes too long? What'll happen if, by the time I realize I do feel that way, it's too late and she's... gone?”

Rarity closed her eyes, the prospect of losing her friend clearly grieving her just as much. “Then at least you'll know that you didn't try to force something with her that should never be forced. But I fear that won't help you if and when it happens. You'll be regretful. You'll be heartbroken. But,” Her eyes opened, the gravity of her tone keeping his gaze firmly on them, “you won't be alone. You'll have many other friends who will be able to help, support and understand. And you'll have gotten perhaps the greatest insight into the mortal mind you possibly could.”

There was a lengthy pause as all the implications and nuances of the discussion sank in. After a while, though, Rarity cleared her throat.

“Well, that got... far more austere than I was expecting. I do apologize for bringing down the holiday spirit.”

“No, it's alright – this spirit needed to talk about it,” Discord assured her, his eyes darting towards the direction Fluttershy had gone. “I don't want to see her hurt any more than you do.”

“And I've no more desire to see you hurt, I can assure you.” Rarity gave a nod. “Still, I trust you'll be alright and do the right thing. That said, I've monopolized far too much of your time. I'll get out of your...” her eyes wandered to the top of his head as she tried to find the words for the almost-goat-like stuff on top, “...scalp for the moment. Happy Hearth's Warming!”

And with that, she trotted back into the centre of the party, leaving Discord to linger a moment, letting the mood fully pass before turning and heading off where Fluttershy had gone.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, he found himself in the quiet area – a large alcove filled with couches, cushions and assorted comforts. As he passed through, the music and chatter of the party behind him instantly lowered in volume as the light soundproofing magic across the entryway took effect – not enough to block it out and make ponies forget about the party, but just enough that it wouldn't bother anyone who wanted to take a break. If he was being honest, the calm, restful area was the part of the whole thing that rankled against Discord's nature the most, but, as he'd always reminded himself, it wasn't for his benefit. In fact, now he thought about it, it was surprising Fluttershy hadn't come here earlier.

What was even more surprising, however, was what he saw as he approached. Fluttershy was, of course, sitting quietly on a sofa, but she had quite the blush on her face as, lying next to her – eyes closed, mouth sleepily smiling and cheek in Fluttershy's tail – was Pinkie Pie. Occasionally, she would nuzzle herself deeper into the pegasus's side, drawing a gentle, if slightly awkward, chuckle from her.

Discord hesitated to disrupt the scene, but still felt the need to comment. “So, the resident expert on parties is sleeping through mine. I really can't help but feel that as an indictment.”

Fluttershy looked over, surprised but not enough to jump, before shaking her head. “Oh, no, Pinkie's always like this around this time of year – she's been throwing so many celebrations that, well, she gets kind of tired. Actually, she's happy that someone else is throwing this one.” She started absentmindedly running a hoof through Pinkie's ever-frizzy mane, a beatific smile on her face. “Of course she used to be a lot more worried about showing how tired she was to us, but... I'm really glad she's opened up like this.”

He chuckled, popping a draconequus-sized chaise-lounge into existence so he could lie down along it. “I can well imagine. Still, I was hoping she'd be awake enough to talk.”

“Oh, that's good,” Pinkie said, her voice muffled by Fluttershy's tail but still quite coherent. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Oh, Pinkie,” Fluttershy looked down, a little startled but still remaining still, “you're awake.”

“Course I am, silly,” Pinkie said, moving her head to the side to make her mouth emerge. “I mean, you're nice to sleep against, sure, but you gotta be awake to fully appreciate a Fluttersnuggle.” She giggled, drawing a wobbly but very large smile from Fluttershy.

Discord narrowed his eyes slightly, but focused his attention on Pinkie. “Well, I was just hoping to get your expert evaluation on my party.”

“Oh, it's pretty good,” Pinkie said, one eye opening to give Discord an approving nod. “Definitely a seven... maybe seven-and-a-half out of eleven. By pony standards, of course, way higher by yours.”

Discord's eyes widened slightly, caught off-guard by the tone of legitimate approval. “Well, well, that is encouraging. Although... I'm curious what my standards are.”

“Oh, well,” Pinkie withdrew a little out of embarrassment, bringing an almost-imperceptible noise of disappointment from Fluttershy, “it's kind of compared to how you used to be. I know you don't like to be reminded about that, but... well, the point is, you've come a really super-duper-luper long way since then.” She let out a slightly lethargic giggle as she nuzzled back into Fluttershy. “And when you think about how short a year is to someone like you... I think it's pretty incredible.”

Discord raised an eyebrow, but still smiled. “Yes, it seems that even by the standards of chaos, I've proven myself pretty adaptable. Why, at this rate, it shouldn't be long before I'm hosting parties as well as you.”

Pinkie hummed for a moment. “Well, there's the whole skill curve to think about – the better you are, the more it takes to improve – but,” she lazily flipped onto her back as she talked, resting her head against Fluttershy's leg and pulling out a pencil and notebook from her mane, “you're definitely on the right track. If we're talking about the average of ponies with my kind of Talent, should take you only,” she scribbled rapidly away at some apparently complex calculations before pausing, tapping the end of the pencil against her muzzle. “So, um, if we have three-hundred-and-sixty-five leap years, does it make sense to add an extra year for all those days or just leave it?”

Discord sighed, his pride deflating slightly but not totally destroying his good mood. “You know what? Forget I asked.”

“Oh, it's nothing to be all sad about,” Pinkie said, tucking the pad back into her apparently infinite-capacity mane before nestling deeper into Fluttershy's lap. “Cutie Marks are powerful things, y'know. And it's not like you need to be the best to do something. The party's good and I think you should be satisfied with that. I know I am.”

Discord smiled slightly. “I suppose I can live with that. Although, I do wonder if you're the only guest who thinks so. Everyone else seems somewhat uncomfortable.”

“Oh, that!” Pinkie rolled her eyes with a small scoff. “That's nothing to do with the party. If anything, it's only because the party's so good. Ever heard of the Uncanny Valley?”

Discord tilted his head. “Yes, of course, it's about three anti-miles deeper in my world, just past Mount Eerie. What about it?”

Pinkie laughed and shook her head, apparently tickling Fluttershy with her mane pleasantly, if the laugh she gave was any indication. “Huh, makes sense but that's not it. See, it's this thing Twilight told me about making golems – the closer they get to looking perfectly like ponies, the more the tiny ways they don't stick out and make 'em look totally wrong. Like, we stop seeing them as things with nice pony-like stuff and start seeing them as ponies with weird and wrong thing-like stuff. So, how much we like 'em dips down before it gets to perfect – a valley!”

“I suppose I can see that,” Discord said, stroking his beard while resting the top of his hand against his chin, “but what does that have to do with the party?”

“Nothing!” Pinkie chirped. “It's all about the place you're holding it. Your... dimension-world-thingy's been made just close enough to how our world works that people can see all the ways it's not quite there. The ground, the air, the magic, even the way light and gravity works... it's all different enough that we can tell something's kinda off, even if most of us can't tell exactly what. Basically,” she shrugged, “I'd take it as a compliment that you've got close enough to perfect for us to notice when it's not.”

Discord hummed, nodding along with her explanation even as he gave voice to his other thought. “That was... surprisingly in depth for you, Pinkie.”

Pinkie giggled once more, closing her eyes. “Hey, Pinkie sense isn't the only sense I've learned to listen to, you know? Besides, even if the party wasn't good, which it definitely is, I wouldn't worry about us. We'd still appreciate how hard you're trying. And, no, that's not a pity-thing, either,” she gave a light, sardonic look to cut off any such assertions, “it's a really-liking-the-idea-of-what-you're-trying-to-do-enough-that-we-don't-mind-if-it-doesn't-really-work thing. Or RLTIO-WYTT-DET-WDMI-IDRW, as I like to call it.” She giggled as she closed her eyes and adjusted herself. “And yeah, I know, that's kinda in-depth too. Pinkie's not the only pony I listen to either – I've learned to tell what ponies are feeling, especially at a party.”

Discord's brow furrowed slightly as he saw her snuggle deeper into Fluttershy. “Even those you're using as a pillow? Not that I wish to cast any aspersions, but are you sure your current roost is entirely comfortable?” He looked up at Fluttershy, noticing how quiet she had been, even for her.

“Oh, no, you, um...” Fluttershy stammered, her blush intensifying to near-luminous levels, “you don't have to worry, she's asked before and, um... well, she knows I'm okay with it... well, actually, I, er... I kind of...,” she chuckled before finishing in the sort of squeak she was known for in the pre-Twilight days, “like it.”

Discord looked between the two. After his misread of Applejack's interests, he wasn't about to come to any conclusions about others' relationships. However, as he saw how genuinely Fluttershy was smiling as she stroked Pinkie's exhausted head, a pleasant possibility popped into his...

Wait, pleasant?

Discord blinked, astonished at his lack of any negative feelings. After all, there was a time – a rather long time – when he'd have been deeply uncomfortable, even hostile, about anypony, even one of her closest friends, being so affectionate to Fluttershy. After all, he'd almost done something terrible to the delightfully off-kilter Tree Hugger for far less.

And yet, as he saw his best friend being willingly nuzzled by another dear friend of his... he couldn't bring himself to feel anything but happiness for them, whatever their true feelings ended up being. And despite such peaceful approval feeling almost alien to his chaotic heart... it somehow felt completely right.

Discord felt a very simple smile come onto this face as he lay back, his hands behind his head. Well, I'll be. It seems this really is the time of miracles. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to embrace this moment of peace within his anarchic being.

I'm definitely doing this again next year.

Author's Note

I knew this day would come.

No, seriously, I mean that. Even when I started signing up for Jinglemas, I knew that as long as I was in the exchange then, sooner or later, I'd be given a prompt to write about a character I dislike.

However, while I was always slightly worried about it, it wasn't for my own sake - since that first sign-up, I've been prepared to do my best to put my own feelings on a character aside for the sake of pleasing someone who likes them. However... well, there was always the nagging concern in my mind that I might make something that really doesn't go down well with them.

As it is, I don't think there's anything in the story that would displease a fan of Discord and I certainly hope it gets him both right and entertaining enough to please RPGLover and any other Discord fan who happens to read, but... well, if these sorts of biases were easy to spot, they wouldn't be biases.

As such, if there is anything even a little objectionable in the story, I am truly sorry - I promise I did my best. And, in the case of RPGLover himself, please let me know if it's not good enough - I can always try to arrange something to make it up to you.