Dragon Struggles with Feelings
Students from the School of Friendship had been given tasks to make booths, from games to food stalls to small cultural booths that told stories of the other yearly festivals. Gryphons, hippogryphs, dragons and changelings busied themselves for extra credits while Ponyville residents and guests milled about, enjoying the festive air. Last night’s fresh snow and cold winds would usually keep everyone inside on the festive holiday, but the Hearth’s Warming Carnival in Ponyville was wonderful, with small fire pits spread around to allow goers to rest and warm up. Hot cocoa and coffee booths handed out hot drinks for those who needed them, and to add to it all was the competition to see who had the best costume for this year’s event.
At one booth, a clatter of bottles signalled one of the games had been conquered, and a cheer from the partner of the victor came out. The booth runner smiled at the dragoness who had knocked them down, reaching up above the defeated bottles to grab her prize.
“And what shall it be, Instructor Smolder?” Target Practice asked, hovering his hoof over a few stuffies. Smolder, adjusting her goofy Gift-Passer hat, pointed at a cute grey deer, and handed it to her companion for the evening, Ocellus. As they left, she attempted to adjust the Gift-Passer hat again, grimacing as she scratched at the spot where it gave her an itch.
“Still can’t believe you convinced me to dress up for this evening,” Smolder grumbled, pulling the hat off and looking inside it.
“You’re hardly dressed up, ‘Instructor’ Smolder,” Ocellus said, keeping the Sun-Moon Plushie balanced on her back as they headed towards the next Hearth Warming carnival booth.
Ocellus had convinced her to get dressed up as a cute Gift-Passer, the changeling version of the Gift-Giver that ponies had for their holidays, though Smolder guessed Ocellus didn’t consider a hat a costume. Smolder had to admit that Ocellus’s red nose and deer antlers were off-kilter, which made her cuter than usual, but that wasn’t new.
The lovebug was always cute, even well after the end of their relationship.
“Says the lovebug who doesn’t change form to be a cute red-nosed reindeer.”
“That would be cheating, and besides, I think I look stunning as a reindeer,” she said, pressing her hoof to her chest and striking a silly pose, earning a giggle-snort from Smolder. It prompted her to giggle to herself before leading them to their next destination on the main strip of booths.
Smolder hung back, watching as Ocellus sauntered down the path to her intended goal, a game that she had to find a bath toy with a specific colour marker on it to win. Smolder watched as she played, chatted with the gryphon in the stall, and paid for several picks. She was certain it was rigged, but she wouldn’t ruin Ocellus’ fun. She had learned that back when they were a couple.
Smolder sighed as she thought back on that short year, becoming a little melancholy. They had been a power couple: she was the brawn, and Ocellus was the brains. Prank wars with Gallus were swift, ending in his embarrassment, and Ocellus kept her from flunking classes like biology and literature. Smolder ensured that the small changeling wasn’t picked on and always had someone to confide in. It seemed as though their whole group would be married to a friend after graduating, but that wasn’t meant to be for them.
Ocellus’ excited squeal drew Smolder out of her memories as she won, having pulled the gold bottom toy, much to the chagrin of the gryphon student in the booth. He reached up and pulled down a plushie similar to a certain someone they both knew and was likely a gift for him. The gryphon offered the bird to her and some replacement tokens for having won so fast, but Ocellus turned the student down, taking the plushie and skittering back to Smolder.
“He’s so cute; think he’ll like it?” Ocellus asked, and Smolder gave a nervous smile before taking the green and red bird. It was cute, in a fierce way, with wings outstretched in a noble pose, head turned right, the eyes being anything but fierce, with the standard plushie bead eyes being adorable and soulless.
“Oh definitely, looks like him too.” Smolder watched as Ocellus giggled and snuggled it for a moment, “Want me to carry him or-”
“Yes, please, I would greatly appreciate that.”
Taking the plushie, Smolder discovered it was soft and fluffy, beguiling the (mostly) fierce exterior and adding to the cute factor. The opposite of Ocellus’ –
“Come on, Smolder, keep up!” Snapping to look where Ocellus was running off to, Smolder gave quick chase to keep up.
They continued down the game alley, playing more festival games and collecting their winnings and loot as both bounced from booth to booth. Most were small tokens to be exchanged for food in the nearby court, but a few gave small plushies, which Ocellus collected upon her back, besides the falcon Smolder carried beside her.
And throughout it, Smolder got antsier and antsier.
Sure, she and Ocellus were still best friends, much like King Thorax and Dragonlord Ember, but that break up years ago had always bothered her. It was a clean breakup, but through the evening, she kept thinking back to the relationship, on what could have been. Sandbar had Yona; Gallus was stuck in a mess of a love ball with the Hippogryph royalty, and it just felt weird that she and Ocellus were the odd pair out now.This is phrased a tad awkwardly, so to be clear, is it meant to say that seeing Ocellus is what brings forth the memories? Seeing Ocellus, especially more recently, brought up the thought of why they broke up.
They weren’t really in love, or not what either would call fully in love. They had danced around the issue for the last few weeks of their relationship, saying those oh-so-magical words to keep things together.
But when it came to its end, the illusion was shattered. And no tears were shed by either.
Ocellus explained how she felt, and Smolder opened up completely to her. Ocellus felt an empty well between them, and Smolder felt no flame like the start of the relationship.
But no tears.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Smolder sighed as she swirled the cup of extremely watered-down Silverberry wine, scowling as Ocellus wandered off with her lover for the later part of the evening before taking a slow swig of it and leaning against the table. The food stalls were busy with all sorts of creatures, and she was left to sulk—tail flicking as she kept her eyes on them as they walked away.
And she still hadn’t said anything. Again.
“Well, you seem to be in a mood,” a snarky voice commented as Gallus walked up next to her. Much like everyone else, he was dressed in costume, a red uniform like the old hippogryph nut-crackers from Freedom Days of old, “What’s up?”
“Yea, just…” She trailed off, trying to think of what to say without looking the fool to him. She paused for a moment before grunting, “It's Ocellus.”
“And I take it that's her plushie you’re holding on to?” he pointed a talon at the falcon plushie she had tucked under her arm.
“Yep. She left it with me to watch for the time being.”
“Oh? And where is our ever-lovable bookworm?”
“Bigger, grumpier bug stole her for a bit.”
Gallus’ face changed to a knowing expression, nodding as he nursed whatever drink he had for a moment before looking at where she had previously been.
“And that's why you’re in a mood? Cause she’s spending time with him this evening?”
“No-Well, maybe- I mean, yes?”
“I thought you guys buried that hatchet years ago? Like, back before we graduated, you two became instructors with Silverstream”
She scowled at him and let some smoke seep from her nose, the frustration warming up her core better than the wine. Or maybe it was the wine, “Get to the point before I turn you into a stuffed turkey, Gallus.”
His open talon came up defensively, though he didn’t move back. No wings opening up, no trying to make himself look bigger, just a steady stare at her, “Smolder, just trying to understand what's up here, okay?”
The warmth in her chest cooled, and she released the breath she didn’t know she had been holding before nodding.
“Okay, so why is this an issue now, Smolder? You guys broke up, stayed friends, and were even there to guard her during the snatching ritual for her bonding and lasted the longest out of our friends.”
“I distinctly remember you were playing snatcher for the other side and stealing Silverstream away quickly,” Smolder smiled, recalling those memories of Ocellus pair-bonding with her lover. Gallus waved the comment away, a cheeky smile appearing on his face before she continued, “It's been weird lately. We broke up because the flame wasn’t there anymore, not even embers or lingering heat from before. And I was happy to see her off to be with him, even if I found it weird she paired up with him-”
“He is a lot like you. Gruff, tough, very protective, and always focused on something to the detriment of other things.” She snapped a hard look at him, but again, he didn’t even flinch like the old days when she got mad at him. Bloody guard training made him no fun now.
“Anyways. . . Lately, whenever I’m around her, I feel… unhappy? Regretful, like I passed up the chance to have her, and I can’t bring myself to talk to her about it.”
“So why not do it after they come back?” Gallus slugged down the last of his drink before smirking at her, “Has this fierce dragoness I’ve known for six years become a featherless chicken?”
Frustration flaring, Smolder jammed a claw into Gallus' chest, “Hey, I ain’t no chicken, and you know that I will kick your butt, nut-cracker.”
Gallus’expression shifted to one of confusion before looking down at his costume, “Nut-cracker? Like the Hippogryph ones for Freedom Days?”
“Yes, isn’t that what you’re dressed up as, featherhead?”
“No, I’m on duty, Smolder.”
She paused, staring at him, blinking a few times before looking at him closely. Sure enough, on his collar was his rank, his unit badge stitched to the sleeves, and his commissary ‘medal’ attached to his chest. To add to the complete look of his ‘costume’ turned uniform, Twilight’s Star was also on his collar, polished, clean and bright. Processing this, she peered over his shoulder at where Silverstream, Skystar and Terramar were chatting with a group of younger hippogryph students.
“Oh. Well, my point still stands and-”
“Look, I am not gonna call your courage into question again, but I can see you’re in a tizzy about this all,” he commented, throwing the empty cup into nearby trash before nodding. “The best thing you can do is be honest with her. You feel something for her, and it's bothering you so much that you’re getting aggravated again.”
“I wasn’t that-”
“Again.” The second time it was emphasized with a talon poking into her chest, “Look, I’ve got my mess of feathers and tails and lovers to deal with, but if you want to solve this and not have a heartbreak, just talk with them? Or at least her.”
Smolder frowned, stepping back from him and letting the smoke rise from her nostrils, before looking at him again, concerned, “And what if I ruin our friendship?”
“Then it's a risk you have to take,” Gallus said before sidling up next to her with a smile and a nudge, “but I got a feeling that won’t happen. It is Ocellus we’re talking about.”
A songbird whistle drew their attention to the three royals as each held up a bottle of liquor and waggled it at Gallus before taking flight, the trio laughing as they left.
“Oh nuts, I got to deal with my mess of feathers; I’ll talk with you tomorrow after the gift exchange.” He took flight, beating his wings to catch up to the larger creatures as they tittered and laughed their way toward the castle in the distance.
“Wait, are you leaving me, your friend in dire need of emotional support and help, for a royal booty call?” she called out, laughing as he sputtered out for a moment before pausing in his pursuit.
“It's complicated, but I must officially say no, I am their Royal Guard escort for the- Shit, later Smolder!”
She watched him speed away before returning to her drink and sourly staring at it.
She needed another one.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
The dragoness scowled as she worked her way through her third drink, waiting for Ocellus’ return. She had taken off on her rounds with her bond mate an hour ago, and now Smolder was getting impatient, and a nagging fear started to creep back in.
Curse her dragon biology and not be able to process liquid courage like any other normal creature.
Finishing off the third cup of what she now was sure was a 90/10 mix of water to Silverberry wine, she let out a disgruntled sigh as she looked at Ocellus's big prized falcon plushie. That drew her mind to Ocellus’s bond mate proper.
She didn’t not like him, but she wasn’t fond of him either. Even when both of them had been in the same room together, they had barely exchanged more than a few dozen words, and most of that was greetings. Ocellus had always wanted the two of them to get along as friends but neither really had much to bond over. Sure they were a lot alike, but he didn’t like tea parties, dresses, or make-up like she did.
Or at least she was fairly certain he didn’t. He was a changeling, after all.
“Ugh, I am overthinking this,” she grumbled, tossing the cup into the same trash can Gallus had before finding a small secluded table to sit at with the bird. “He’s not that complicated, and she very much loves him. So what am I scared about?”
“Who?”
Flinching back and yelping in surprise, Smolder almost fell backwards over the chair as she realized she wasn’t alone at the table. Sitting just down the way was one of her bosses, Counsellor Trixie Glimmer-Lulamoon.
“Oh hush, I haven’t even done any magic; sit down. Luna knows I’m not allowed to move for the time being.”
“Oh, I didn’t know the table was taken; I can leave if you-”
Trixie waved a hoof at Smolder, motioning her to sit down, “No worries. Besides, it's the best hiding spot from them as is.”
Smolder looked at her, confused for a moment, before shuffling over to sit across from her, “From who?”
“Ugh, Sunburst and Starlight,” she groused, “I may be The Great and Wonderful Counsellor Trixie, but I am growing weary of their doting on my every move. They think that I am so incapable of keeping myself safe that they think I need every form of protection they can imagine.”
Smolder chuckled before pointing at her. “Well, Counsellor, you are six months pregnant.”
“Et tu, Smolder? Et tu?” Trixie gave her a theatrically hurt look before sipping at her drink, replacing it with a playful smile. “I may be pregnant, but that does not mean I need to be doted on every waking moment by those two.”
“I thought you always wanted to be doted upon?”
“Ah, there’s a difference between having my every whim catered to, and being doted upon unnecessarily due to something we made together,” she rubbed her hoof over her swollen belly while looking at it lovingly. “Though I understand the concern. But you are avoiding the question. Who?”
Smolder tensed up and fidgeted with the falcon, trying to think of a way out. “No one, it's just a complicated situation I am in.”
“What, like with Sunburst and me when we first got involved?” Trixie turned to look around, seeing if she had accidentally summoned the stallion before returning her gaze to Smolder.
“What? No, it’s just I need to tell Ocellus something, and I’m not sure how her big grump bug lover will take it,” Smolder confessed. “I think I have feelings for her again, but she’s clearly moved on,andIdon’twannaruinwhatshehasorour-”
“Stop.” Smolder felt magic snap her jaw close, and her eyes focused on Trixie scowling at her. “It seems Counsellor Trixie is in need here. You’re worried General Grumpy-bug isn’t going to like what you have to say to Ocellus?”
Smolder nodded, humming out an affirmative sound.
“And you’re scared of ruining Ocellus's love life and your friendship with her, even though you two have already gone through a break-up?”
Smolder nodded again, looking away embarrassed. Trixie made it sound so trivial.
“And for that matter, you are worried about if he even likes you, correct?”
Smolder shook her head free of Trixie's magic, surprised at the blatant accusation. “What? No! Why would I be worried about him liking me? As long as he tolerates me when I’m hanging out with Ocellus, what’s it matter?”.”
“General Grumps doesn’t tolerate anything he doesn’t like around him,” Trixie commented with a wink. “It’s why he’s called General Grumps.”
“Okay, but why would I be worried if he liked me or not? Besides Ocellus?”
“Well, if Ocellus approves of your feelings, you’ll have to put up with him, now, won’t you?” Trixie took a long sip from her drink before tapping the table with her hoof. “You are gonna tell her about your feelings for her, right?”
“Well, I don’t know if I should-”
“Oh hush, Trixie says you should do it and see how it goes,” Trixie smiled. “Besides, take it from me, even if you don’t like him at first, he’ll grow on you just as you’ll grow on him.”
“And how would you k-” Smolder stopped as Trixie gave her a hard look of ‘Really?’ while rubbing her belly again before nodding. “Right. Sorry.”
“Worry not, dear Smolder, Trixie forgives you. Give the grumpy grub a chance, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” she said, pointing over to the entrance. “Now, I suggest you go meet your quarry before they think they misplaced you.”
Smolder flushed and gave her a nod. “You’re-”
“Hush, and go have your talk. Even if nothing comes of it, you’ll at least feel better,” Trixie commented, urging her to get going with another wave of a hoof.
Smolder followed her counsellor's orders, getting up and carrying the falcon plushie to the entrance, where she spotted Ocellus waving her over. She gulped as she looked at the large changeling standing next to her, Heir-apparent to the Hive and General of the Changeling Army, Prince Pharynx. Faint scar lines ran over his chitin, and an eternally stern expression seemed locked to his face, seemingly always judging the universe. And Smolder was fairly certain he had never approved of anything.
“Hey, Smolder, look, Pharynx won you something cool!”
And the facade was broken as Pharynx looked down at Ocellus, confused and surprised at the comment. “I did?” He looked back to Smolder, exchanging confused expressions with her, before looking over his back at the orange owl resting upon his back, realizing what she meant, “But dear, you w-”
“OH right, Smolder won you something as well!”
Smolder was just as bewildered as Pharynx now, and she gave him the same look he had just given her before offering up the green and red falcon, to see the orange and magenta owl being offered back before both looked at the nervously smiling Ocellus.
“Is there something you’d like to tell us, love?”
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
They had walked away from the Hearth’s Warming Fair towards Ocellus’ house, as per her request before she explained the situation she had placed them in. Pharynx admired the ploy by Ocellus, while Smolder was genuinely confused by it. Why was she trying to play at, to get the two of them to play nice, or at least make it seem like both had done something nice for each other?
“Okay, so,” Ocellus sputtered out, stopping just outside her house and flicking her eyes between them now. “I bet you’re wondering why I was doing what I was doing, yes?”
“I would like to be enlightened, yes.” Pharynx nodded, glancing at Smolder, who nodded in agreement.
“Well, okay, so, Smolder,” she said, pointing a hoof at her long-time friend. “You know I can sense your emotions, and I know you’re starting to feel those old feelings for me again, and I wanted to see if I could find a way to help get you to talk to me about it with Pharynx present. BUT, I was scared that Pharynx was going to freak out at you for trying to get into a herd with us, and I began to think, ‘hey, why not get them to like each other first,’ and I figured gifts would be great for a start, and I see now it… blew up in my face….” Ocellus’s rant slowly sped up, becoming overwhelmed with small hitches in her speech. “I love you both, but I am scared of hurting you both, and I wanted to try and at least help you both maybe get along before you confessed those feelings again.”
Ocellus finished her little rant, pressing her face into her hooves and taking a slow, deep breath before going back at the two in front of her, looking between the two, pleading for an answer.
“I mean, I mostly wanted to talk to you and clear up the air for myself,” Smolder started, walking over to pull her friend into a hug. “I do think I have feelings for you again, and whatever they may be, I’m having trouble with them. It doesn’t help that tall, dark, and foreboding here is in the picture now too, and I didn’t want to complicate your life more than it already was.” She turned to the bigger changeling. “I mean, you get to visit, what, once a month? At the best of times?” She gave Ocellus a weak smile. “It wouldn’t be fair to either of you.”
“And what are your feelings?” Pharynx asked, and for the first time this evening, Smolder saw a smile twist across his face.
“Oh, well, I mean, I think Ocellus is cute, and she’s a wonderful librarian for the school, and I would be happy to be her friend and-”
“Smolder,” Ocellus let out a weak chuckle and nuzzled into her cheek, “You are talking to two empaths who can read emotions, remember?”
Smolder felt her face flush, trying to think of a way out.
“Fuck it. I love you, Ocellus. I think I always have, but I don’t want to put you in a predicament where you have to choose between me and Pharynx. It just isn’t fair for you to have to choose. I know how you talk about him, and you always seem happier when he’s visiting,” Smolder concluded, only to be surprised by a deep rumbling chuckle from Pharynx.
“You know, she doesn’t have to choose,” Pharynx said, walking up and putting a forehoof around both. “I am fairly certain there's more than enough for both of us to love as is.”
Ocellus let a soft giggle escape her before thinking. “Smolder, would you like to come inside and have some hot coffee with us? That way, we can discuss this somewhere warm?”
A small smile crossed her face, and with a nod, Smolder agreed, wondering where this Hearth’s Warming Eve would take her now.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Smolder blinked the sleep from her eyes as the sun beamed into the room, wrapped comfortably in the bed’s heavy blankets as her vision cleared, however, she noticed two things.
The first was Ocellus sleeping in front of her, back pressed against her chest as the little spoon, a gentle, buzzing snore escaping her nose.
The second was the larger pair of limbs wrapped around both of them.
“Go back to sleep,” was all Pharynx rumbled to her as he shifted his head to rest it atop hers.
She smiled, remembering the previous night, the long talk and the agreement they had managed to hash out for a trial run, to see if they could all happily love each other. Judging by this morning, Smolder had a warm, pleasant feeling that that was very likely.
