...And A Certain Someone Learns Never to Buy Souvenirs in Equestria
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The Story In Which Pinkie Pie Visits OSMU
...And A Certain Someone Learns Never to Buy Souvenirs in Equestria
Battered and exhausted after a hard day on the job, Opal trudged her way back to the van. She felt like she had been mauled by a bear and was finally getting back to the car with her life miraculously still intact.
"Do try and perk up, Opal." the girl next to her remarked. "That battle was tough, but we got through it with hardly any problems."
"Cool it, Orla. Besides, your shoulder armor nearly got ripped off. And you never take that thing off."
"Mm." Orla readjusted the armor. "That is not true. Even us Ancient Agents have enough dignity to remove it when we sleep and bathe."
The faint sound of scribbling caught Opal's hearing. She didn't even need to look back to see who it was. "Oswald, what are you doing?"
"I thought the Big O might like to add bugbears to the mass Odd Squad creature database, so I'm making a note." he remarked. "I'm surprised Odd Squad doesn't have those."
"I once saw a bear who had the wings of a fly." Orla mused. "The amusing thing was, it was a polar bear. In the Amazon."
Opal wanted to laugh, she really did. But her lungs felt like they were going to give out. All she wanted was to go take a nice warm bath and then knock herself out. Luckily, the van was getting closer and closer, so she didn't have to wait too long.
"Let me get the door for you." Oswald closed his book, tucked it behind his back, and rushed to the front to activate the automatic door.
Which turned out to be a bad idea.
What met the trio was their teammate, standing by the table and holding a weird pink creature by its tail while he had half a sandwich in his mouth.
"Oooooh, more friends?!" the creature spoke. "You didn't tell me you had roomies!"
"Omar..." Orla's tone of voice rose to a warning. "Exactly what is going on here?"
"Uh, well..." Omar chewed and swallowed. "It's my souvenir! Remember? I went off to get one while you guys were finishing up with the bugbear?"
"Yeeeeeah, we remember." Oswald nodded. "But that looks an awful lot like-"
"Hey, who're your roomies?!" the creature spoke again. "C'mon, don't be shy, introduce me to 'em!"
Opal, not bothering to even ask what her partner was up to, forcefully pushed her way past Oswald and Orla, and made a beeline for the Bath Room. Or, well, as fast as a person dragging their feet on the ground could make a beeline for their destination, anyway.
"Where're you going? Can I come with you?!"
"None of your business, and no."
"Awww!"
Omar watched as Opal slipped through one of the doorways that flanked the table, and opted not to bother her. "You were saying, Oswald?"
"I was saying that your 'souvenir' looks an awful lot like one of those ponies we saw when we were in the alternate dimension." Oswald made his way inside and set his book down on the table in the center of the bullpen. "You know, the one that kept cheering us on when we were fighting the bugbear?"
"It was on the souvenir counter. The pony running it said that it was free of charge!"
"In my experience, young Omar, 'free' does not always mean 'good'." Orla pointed out. "Besides that, it is quite obvious that you have taken a pony from the alternate dimension."
"What?" Omar guffawed. "Nah, there's no way. That pony said it was a stuffed animal!"
"A stuffed animal that talks?"
"W-well...maybe it's a doll! Dolls talk!"
"Dolls do not move. This pony is clearly moving."
Indeed, "this pony" was swinging back and forth, using her own tail as leverage as she giggled to herself.
Omar looked at the pink pony, then back at his friends. "Oopsie?" was all he could say in response.
"Van Computer, set a course for the Big O's office. Er, the one that she's currently at." Oswald commanded.
"Setting a course for Australia right away."
"Hee-hee! These bells make little tinkly-winkly sounds! Jingle jingle jingle!"
Orla kept shooting death glares at the pink pony every so often, as she devoured a bag of tortilla chips.
Oswald, meanwhile, had taken a more relaxed approach. He had his head buried in a book, but he couldn't stop his eye twitching every now and then.
"What's that for?"
"Oh, the leash?" Omar showed the pony the long, rope-like object in his hand. "This is so you won't go off anywhere."
"Oooooh, like a doggie? Cool! I've always wondered what it's like to be a dog!" The pony then went into a long, rambling story about a time she showed up to a "Fluttershy's" house wearing a dog costume, and how she took her in and cared for her as though she was an actual dog.
"What I would certainly kill to be Opal right now." Orla muttered through gritted teeth. "She is supposed to be our leader, and yet she is sleeping through all of this...!"
"Now arriving at the Big Office in Australia." the Van Computer's voice announced, much to everyone's relief.
Omar, Orla and Oswald stepped out of the van, Omar having Pinkie in tow. Of course, an Odd Squad agent walking a pony on a leash hardly batted any eyes, and likewise, none of OSMU bat a single eye at any of the other oddities they saw when they entered the building.
"May I help you?" the assistant in charge asked as the group approached the front desk.
"Yeah!" the pink pony piped up before anyone else had a chance to respond. "Where are we?"
"You're at the Big O's office." the assistant plainly replied. "Now, is your problem big or small?"
"Um..." Omar bit his lip. "Small?"
"Then you're gonna wanna take a seat over there."
The pony took this opportunity to bound over to the waiting room chairs, the leash being pried from Omar's hand in the process. Once she sat on a chair, she waved at the trio.
Omar and Oswald were perfectly willing to wait. Orla, not so much. "Perhaps you are unaware of who we are." she said. "We are OSMU, the Odd Squad Mobile Unit. We work directly under the Big O."
"So do the X's, but even they have to wait like everybody else."
The rage emanating from Orla was more than enough for both Oswald and Omar to hastily speed-walk to the waiting room and sit with the pink pony. Sure enough, the next few minutes were spent with Orla going on record as the World's Oldest Karen at 500, demanding she and the others see the Big O while the assistant kept his cool and told her that no, just because she was a part of OSMU and was an Ancient Agent didn't mean she got special access.
Finally, Oswald couldn't watch any more. He stood up, clutched Orla, and used every bit of his strength to drag her to the waiting room and force her to sit down. Lucky for him, he also had a Mute-inator gadget on him to silence her yells and screams so they wouldn't further disturb the other agents who were also waiting for a chance to speak with the Big O.
It felt like hours before the group was able to see the Big O. And by "see the Big O", we mean "see the Big O as the figure who woke them from a deep sleep".
"Good to see you three." She took a sip from a grape juicebox she was holding. "Did you sleep well?"
"S-sorry, Big O..." Oswald rubbed his eyes and opened his mouth to let a yawn slip out. "We were waiting so long and I guess we fell asleep..."
"Don't worry about it." The Big O waved a dismissive hand. "You're not the only ones."
She watched as the group got to their senses. The pony was the first one, as her eyes flew open and a smile began to form on her face. "Omigosh, you're here?! Could this day get any better?!"
Instead of acting even remotely surprised, she returned the smile with a smile. "Pinkamena Diane Pie. Wasn't expecting you here."
Whatever sleepiness Omar, Orla and Oswald had left over completely evaporated within the snap of a finger. "I'm sorry?" Oswald asked.
"Yeah! He thought I was a souvenir and he bought me." Pinkamena broke into a chuckle on the last three words. "He actually bought me! Can ya believe it?"
The Big O snorted. "Not even Omar is immune to your pranks, Pinkie. You're the best of the best."
"Darn straight!"
Orla tried to ask what was going on, but while her mouth was moving, nothing was coming out. Angrily, she reached for the Mute-inator, flicked the Reverse switch, and brought back noise to back up her speech. "It is about time." She sighed. "Now, Big O, I demand you tell us exactly what is happening this instant!"
"Gladly." The Big O showed no signs of either flinching, putting Orla in her place authority-wise, or any other emotion other than collected. "This pony is Pinkamena Diane Pie, or Pinkie Pie for short. She is the Equestrian ambassador for Odd Squad."
"Hiya!" Pinkie bounced up and down. "Twilight Sparkle found this really super-weird world dimension thingy full of thingies she called "hew-mens" one day, and since I'm the go-to pony for all things really super-weird, she sent me to investigate!" she explained. "This world is so crazy! It's full with all kinds of stuff, like these really round things called Centigurps, and these tall green things named Tiggles or Taggles or somethin' like that, oh, oh, and there's this animal with one single eye that-"
"Okay, Pinkie, that's enough. These are newbie agents. We don't want to overwhelm them." the Big O interrupted. "But yeah. That's the gist of it."
Omar slowly turned towards Oswald. "Please tell me you got all that."
Oswald grit his teeth -- just because he was the group's smartest team member, he was supposed to understand what she was saying? -- but instead of snapping at Omar, he just ran a hand through his hair. "Sorta."
"Come with me. I think it's time you three learned a little about this particular dimension that is, more or less, one of Odd Squad's most frequented." The Big O turned on her heel and walked towards the door on the other side of the front desk, Pinkie Pie at her side.
"Now, Pinkie Pie, where do you think I should begin in describing Equestria?"
Pinkie thought for a moment, and then her expression brightened.
"Start with its amazingly awesome sweet treats!"
The entire talk took only a half-hour to explain. The Big O declined to delve too deep into Equestria, wanting to keep things simple for the time being. When the Odd Squad Mobile Unit gained more experience in Equestria, she said, then they could learn more about it.
Oswald, Orla and Omar left the Big Office, the Big O and Pinkie Pie saying their goodbyes, and returned to the van. Much to their surprise, Opal was up and at it, munching on some pretzels at the green picnic table.
Omar eagerly told his partner about Pinkie Pie.
"You don't shay?" Opal swallowed her bite of pretzels. "Quite a shame I couldn't meet her."
"You will get another chance, young Opal, I am sure." Orla assured. "Now, if you will excuse us, we are rather tired from Pinkie's antics and would like some rest ourselves."
Omar and Oswald nodded, eagerly following her towards the Bedroom.
"Oh, Omar?" Opal called. "Did you learn a lesson from all of this?"
"Hmm...you know what? Yeah. Yeah, I did learn a lesson from all of this."
Opal's head tilted eagerly.
Omar blinked, and then his dark eyes shrunk to the size of mere pinpricks.
"Equestria is one of two places to never, ever, under any circumstances, buy a souvenir."
