Doubts and Anxiety

by Catpaw616

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Bon-Bon, Other, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 8077

Starlight's first friendship lesson is to help out the ponies of Ponyville to connect to the locals better. But what happens when they judge her on her past?

Days after the attack, and finally starting to accept her place as Twilight's pupil, Starlight is now ready to take on her first friendship lesson: communicate with the friendly ponies of Ponyville. So that Starlight would not only know the community better, but also to help improve her socialising skills.

But these ponies also know of what Starlight had done just months ago, and most ponies even distrust her at first, and they do not hesitate to let Starlight know about it.

Despite the rumors and gossips, will Starlight continue her path of accepting her past, or go back to the mindset that she used to have?

Published 2022-12-29 07:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-05 09:00:04 UTC

Lunch

Once the mares were out of sight, Twilight looked beside her. She saw that Starlight was bitterly wiping a tear out of her eye. She noticed that Twilight and Spike were looking at her with concerned expressions.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." Twilight apologized. "Those three are usually sweet."

That's because you never did anything wrong. Starlight thought with a bit of resentment, but she didn't say it out loud.

"I'm fine." she said instead, but she knew that she was not only lying to Twilight, but to herself.

"Are you sure?" Spike asked worriedly.

Starlight nodded. "I've gotten used to it. After all, I've had these feelings towards myself not too long ago." If so, why am I so butthurt about it? she asked herself.

"I just want you to be sure if you're really ok." Twilight put her wing on Starlight's neck. "If you feel uncomfortable, we can always cancel the lesson and do this another time."

And be called a coward? No way. Starlight thought with determination. "Like I said, I'm fine." she told her again.

"Alright, if you're sure." Twilight told her student, but she still didn't look, or sound convinced.

Just then they heard a rumbling sound. They looked and saw that Spike was rubbing his stomach.

"Boy, I sure am hungry." Spike said aloud.

"Maybe we can take a break and stop someplace where we can eat." Twilight suggested to her student.

"Sure." Starlight agreed. I am getting a little hungry after all.

The three arrived at a café named Café Hay. They grabbed a spot next to the door. As Twilight, Spike, and Starlight sat onto their hay seats, a waiter with a mustache gave them their menus.

"Thank you." Twilight said to the waiter.

Starlight's head perked up. "Oh, yes, thank you." she smiled at the waiter.

But what she received was an unwelcome stare. Starlight then looked down at the table, now trying to avoid his gaze.

Twilight quickly noticed this. "Is something wrong?" she asked the waiter.

"Nothing, madam." He responded curtly. "Only her."

Once he left, Starlight lightly slammed her head on the table, clearly stressed.

"Don't worry about him, he always acted like that." Spike reassured her.

"If you say so." Starlight rolled her eyes. She lifted up her menu and looked through the menu.

But her ears lowered as a memory flashed in her mind. She was in a dining room in one of the restaurants in Canterlot. She was holding up a green menu, similar to this one.

But she didn't come here to just eat. She came to the restaurant, and hid behind one of the menus. Only to spy on her future teacher.

You'll pay for what you did to my village. Starlight remembered the thoughts that went through her head. You and your friends will pay...

Starlight started trembling, and her hooves her shaking. She lowered the menu and put her hoof onto her forehead.

"Are you ok?" Twilight immediately asked Starlight. "And don't say that you're fine. Because I know you're not."

At the sound of her voice, Starlight stopped trembling. She blinked her eyes and looked down at the menu. She lowered her ears with a sigh.

"It was just a bad memory." Starlight confessed. "Not as bad as the others but... it's close."

Twilight and Spike both looked at each other. Both feeling sorry for Starlight.

"Are your orders ready?" The waiter asked. He turned to the dragon. "I'd assume you want the usual?"

"Oh yes!" Spike exclaimed.

"Ok, and what about you?" The waiter asked Twilight.

"Just a casual hay sandwich." Twilight told him as she returned the menu to him.

"Alright, your food will be ready in a moment." The waiter said. He started to leave.

"Wait, you didn't take my order." Starlight objected in a confused tone. But he was already gone.

"Ok, now that's not usual from him." Spike commented. "Usually he never forgets one's order. Or their existence in general."

"Oh, I'm sure he hasn't forgotten my existence alright." Starlight muttered again.

"Don't worry, if he doesn't get your order, I can give you half of my sandwich." Twilight told her, trying to make her happy.

Starlight blinked gratefully. "Thanks Twilight."

Soon afterward, the food arrived. Spike had a frosted cupcake that was filled with gems, and Twilight received her sandwich.

"Anything else?" The waiter asked.

"You didn't get my order." Starlight told him. She tried her best to not sound annoyed.

"Oh, sorry." The waiter told her without even a shred of remorse. "What do you want?"

"I would like what Twilight is having." Starlight told him. Finally, now he can make my food.

"Do you mean Princess Twilight?" he asked firmly. "It's rude to not call princesses by their title."

"Huh?" Starlight tilted her head.

"Savior, it's fine." Twilight insisted. "Just give her her food, please."

"As you wish." he said as he entered inside the restaurant.

"Sorry if he is being difficult." Twilight said to Starlight, putting her purple hoof onto hers.

"It's fine." Starlight shrugged, although deep down she was very annoyed, and a little hurt with how the waiter had treated her so far.

Finally, after moments of waiting, after moments of Starlight gazing at her friend's food with hunger, the waiter finally came.

"Here you go." The waiter said as he set the plate down.

Starlight looked aghast. The plate didn't have a sandwich. Only a piece of hay. What the—

"Is this some kind of joke?" Starlight asked the waiter. She couldn't keep in her frustration anymore.

"If it was, I would be laughing." Savior told her.

"Savior, what's wrong with you? You're not like this." Twilight asked the pony. "Make an actual sandwich for her."

"Forgive me, Princess." Savior bowed down his head. "It's just... after some events, I started to gain a distrust on potential traitors." he said as he eyed Starlight.

Suddenly feeling a burst of anger, Starlight lit up her horn. With her magic, she made the plate melt, and burned the hay, while glaring at the waiter.

"I might as well eat the flowers." Starlight told her teacher. Then she eyed the waiter. "At least the flowers wouldn't treat me like a piece of trash."

She got out of her hay seat, and stormed off. She didn't even care if she got weird looks from the ponies that were eating beside the table.

"What in the world was that for?" Starlight heard Twilight's outburst from afar. "That was not friendship."

"I'm sorry, but what Discord did was a scar that wouldn't heal." Savior explained to her. "Most of us feel the same way towards recent reformed villains like her. We can't simply trust her."

"Oh, really? Is your trust issues that bad that you wouldn't even give her a sandwich?" Spike demanded.

"Sometimes it has to be that way." Savior told them.

After hearing the conversation, she looked up in anger. Why is everyone treating me like this all because of this pony named 'Discord'? she thought angrily.

She just shook her head in annoyance and continued to eat the daisies, not even paying attention that the ponies were staring at her.

"Why is she eating like that?" She heard a pony ask.

"I don't know, but it's that Starlight I keep hearing about." Another pony responded.

All Starlight could do was roll her eyes. Yeah, gossip about me. See if I care.

After eating the flowers, she rubbed her snout to get rid of the grass, and turned to Twilight. "I'm going for a walk. Alone."

Without waiting for a reply, she trotted off.

Pace

Leaving the café behind, Starlight went to the park to clear the negative thoughts she was having. Normally when she was troubled, she would always go out and enjoy nature. Or she would fly some kites; a habit that she had forgotten since she, regretfully, went down the path of villainy.

When she went to the park, she was thankful that there were not a lot of ponies around. Which was good. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone.

She went to one of the park benches and laid down on it, hoping it would help her clear her head. She then closed her eyes, calmly letting the wind blow through her mane, while listening to the calming sound of birds chirping. Even the partly cloudy sky wouldn't ruin the mood.

But it was ruined when she heard the sound of steps beside her. Sudden terror struck her. Oh no... please don't tell me that you were reserving this spot. She thought fearfully, still keeping her eyes closed.

"Starlight?" a familiar voice said.

Starlight sighed, relieved that the voice only belonged to Spike. But then again...

Starlight opened her eyes to face the dragon. "What are you doing here? I said I wanted to be alone."

"So I've heard." Spike said, twiddling his claws. "But I'd figured that I should comfort you."

"I'm fine alone." Starlight told him. Then she laid her head onto her hooves. "I won't offend anyone if I do."

Spike frowned. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened over there. We didn't know he would act that way." he told her. "He's usually so professional."

Starlight sighed after a moment. "He probably is. Well, professional to those that didn't enslave a town. Professional to those that didn't travel through time with evil purposes. Professional to those that aren't so easily sensitive." Her voice trembled at the last words.

"Starlight, calm down." Spike put his claw onto her arm.

But she smacked it away. "How can I? If ponies are going to treat me like this, I might as well rot in the castle until the day that I die."

Spike looked aghast. "Nonsense! Twilight will talk to them about their behavior." Spike told her in reassurance. "But wounds take time to heal. And everyone in Ponyville has those wounds. All because of—"

"Discord." Starlight finished his sentence. "Yeah, I've heard about him."

"Did you also hear about what he did to Ponyville?"

Starlight sniffed. "Well, when you're enslaving a village, you don't exactly get caught up in the news."

"Oh, right." Spike rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"Did you see what she just said?"

Starlight's ears suddenly perked up when she heard a few mutters from the ponies that were around her. She was suddenly aware of how many eyes were staring at her.

"Enslaving villages? And she's still here in Ponyville?" a pony whispered to their friend.

"I guess Twilight forgot how to lock up villains." A pony answered them.

Starlight raised her head in anger. "Go mind your own business for once." she angrily told them.

But it did nothing. They still stared at her.

"Just by talking would make them mad." She angrily muffled through her hooves.

Spike looked at his friend in sadness. He then looked besides Starlight in anger. He opened his mouth to say something, but the ponies were already gone.

"Man, Discord's actions really got to them." Spike muttered to himself.

Discord! Starlight said the name hatefully in her mind. Why are ponies treating me like this all because of the things that someone else did?

"Maybe we should meet up with Twilight, and we'll see what she does next." Spike told her as he kept pulling her arm. "But you know, you can always quit."

Starlight shook her head. The fear of disappointing Twilight had haunted her mind again. But then he reconsidered her words. Should I just quit? she asked herself. After all, the lesson is not going so well for me. Is this lesson really worth it for Twilight?

But then she remembered that all Starlight did during her reformation was sit in her room, and did nothing but blame herself. It took a visit from Princess Luna and a bugbear threat to make her stop feeling bad about herself. It was as if she was trying to make up for that by finishing this lesson for her.

And that's what I'm going to do. "No Spike, I can do it." she told the dragon. "Besides, I only have to deal with it for a few hours." she said.

Just then, she could hear storm clouds rumble in the distance.

But Spike still looked concerned. "You don't have to push yourself to do this."

"I will push myself if it all it takes." Starlight told him stubbornly. I just need to get used to ponies treating me badly, that's all.

But she knew it was easier said than done.

"Oh, good, you're back!" Twilight exclaimed as she found Starlight and Spike again. "Did the walk help you clear your head?"

Well, somewhat." Starlight said, then she shrugged. "But I'm better now."

"Oh, that's a relief." Twilight sighed in relief. "Look, I've talked to the waiter, and he said that he won't treat you like that ever again. So you're welcome back to the café."

"Oh." Starlight said, albeit a little shocked. "That's great."

"But I'm assume you're still hungry?" Twilight asked, eyeing her stomach. To which Starlight covered it with her hoof in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I guess." Starlight answered her as she slightly laughed. "I guess I know why no one eats daisies. They don't exactly fill you up."

Twilight nodded. "I'd figured. This is why I'm taking you to another restaurant. For an actual lunch experience."

"Sounds great." Starlight grinned. She looked and saw Spike smile at her, as if he was happy that he was finally seeing her happy.

The trio immediately started walking to the place. But then Spike stopped in his tracks. "Wait, what if she gets the same experience as last time?"

"Don't worry." Starlight told them. "I promise I won't get angry. I'll just have to get used to the gossips." She told them while she shrugged. But she knew that it wasn't going to be an easy task.

"Really? You converted that quickly?" Twilight asked in disbelief. "Are you really sure you can take it?"

"I won't make a big scene about it." Starlight told her. "I promise." Let's just hope that I will keep it.

"Good, then let's go in." Twilight told her as she padded up ahead, with Spike right behind her. Then Starlight followed.

The three entered inside the restaurant, and to Starlight's surprise, no one even paid attention to her. Which was new. Normally she was a magnet for suspicious looks.

They sat at the table, and a new waiter came in. This was when Starlight was expecting some stare of some kind, but he didn't even give her a glare. He just took the orders like any normal waiter would, and left without a problem.

"Huh. For once, nothing." Starlight said, genuinely surprised.

"See? Not all ponies hate you, Starlight." Twilight told her. "This is the experience that you're supposed to have."

"I guess so." Starlight started rubbing her hoof on the table. "It's nice." she smiled.

Twilight smiled back warmly. Then she beamed. "I got an idea. Since this table lacks decoration, I'll go and get some beautiful flowers for this table."

"Oh. Uh, ok." Starlight said. A little weirded out that Twilight suddenly cared about table decor, but she didn't seem to mind.

"I won't be gone long. Keep the food for hot me with your magic, ok?" Twilight told her. Without waiting for a response, Twilight nudged Spike, who looked at her with a confused expression. "Come on, it'll be fun."

"I guess. But I'm not a flower dragon." Spike muttered.

Starlight watched with a smile as she saw Twilight and Spike leave. For once, she was actually happy today. She didn't have to worry about glaring faces, or harsh attitudes towards the ponies—

"Oh, good. She's gone." a pony said in the distance.

Starlight was immediately alert. Huh?

"I can't believe it. She's picking off flowers for her?" another pony said in an annoyed tone. "She might as well serve Tirek breakfast in Tartarus."

Starlight immediately ducked in shame, covering the side of her face with her hoof.

"You guys are being too harsh. Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, and she reformed a villain that seems harmless. What's the big deal?" A cream pony told the rest of the ponies.

"Have you forgotten about Discord's betrayal to Tirek? He seemed harmless before then." A pony with glasses argued.

"But she's not Discord." The cream pony argued.

For the first time, Starlight felt a spark of hope ignite inside her. Will someone finally stand up for her at last?

"Oh, Bon Bon. Don't be silly. She may not be Discord, but something tells me that she'll do something similar to what he did." A yellow pony retorted.

Hold back. Hold back. Starlight told herself multiple times. She kept taking deep breaths, praying that Twilight would come back soon.

"You're all being silly." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "We forgave and accepted Princess Luna. It's about time we do the same thing to Discord, and to... Firelight? I forgot her name."

"It's Starlight." she told Bon Bon.

The yellow pony eyed Starlight. "Well, Starlight. Now that we have gotten your attention, mind if I ask you a question: why are you trying to win us back?"

Starlight lowered her ears. "Excuse me?"

The pony got closer. "I mean, you did fight off a bugbear for Twilight. Correct?"

"Yes?" Starlight was confused by how this was going. "But it was because Twilight was injured—"

"As if!" He scoffed. "Twilight is an alicorn. Do you really expect us to believe that an alicorn can't take on a stupid bugbear, but you can?"

Starlight narrowed her eyes. "I'll have you know that I didn't use my own magical powers to stop it. I had to make it unconscious without magic."

"How do you know you didn't mind control Twilight to make that story up? What if the story was completely made up by you?" He jeered. "Similar to how you mind controlled those innocent ponies in a village that you enslaved."

Hold it back. Starlight told herself once more, but she could tell that it was starting to not work.

"What do you have to say to yourself?" he interrogated. "Or are you too scared to say something that will contradict your lie?"

"That's enough!" Bon Bon exclaimed. "Will you relax? She's just trying to enjoy her day."

"How can I?" The yellow pony, named Caramel responded. Then he gasped. "Wait, what if you didn't make the story, but what if Twilight made that story up for you?"

"And why exactly do you think she did that?" she slowly asked the pony. Choose your words carefully. She threatened in her mind.

"Because Twilight knows that you will be disliked, and distrusted by us. So she has to make up this dumb excuse just so we can see her as a hero." Caramel told the ponies of the restaurant, who all looked invested in the story. Except for Bon Bon, who just glared at him.

"But we both know..." Caramel stopped before turning to Starlight. "That is the one thing that you will never be."

Not being able to hold in her anger any longer, she slammed her hoof at the table. "You better take that back. Right now."

"Or you'll what?" Caramel teased.

"Say one word, and you'll find out." Starlight threatened. Stop! What are you doing you idiot? A tiny bit of her screamed, but she didn't care any more.

"Caramel, Firelight! Stop this at once!" Bon Bon screamed. "This isn't going to help us!"

"For the last time. My name is Starlight." She panted, trying her best to calm herself down before she did anything stupid, or even criminal.

"Caramel, I know what Discord did affected you greatly, but you really need to stop." The pony with the glasses said. "Just leave her be."

"Fine. I'll stop." Caramel concluded finally. He then turned to Starlight. "But know this, there may be others who trust you. Somehow. But there are others who know the true side of you, and those others will be waiting for you to snap." he said with a sneer.

Sudden realization hit her like a dagger. He's playing me like a fool! He tried to make me angry. He tried to make me hurt him. Just to prove that I am a monster.

Just then, Twilight and Spike entered the room with roses and tulips in her aura.

"Here are the flowers—" Twilight told Starlight, but all she saw was a turquoise flash. When she looked outside, she saw Starlight walking out of the pathway that led to the restaurant.

"Starlight! What's wrong!" Twilight called out to her, dropping the flowers. Spike followed behind, clearly concerned.

Starlight stopped in her tracks, and turned to Twilight. "I'm done with this lesson." she said bitterly.

"What? What happened? I thought you were going to hold it in." Twilight asked her, completely shocked.

"I've tried, Twilight. In fact, I've tried ever since this lesson started. But the more ponies kept treating me like filth, the harder it was to keep my anger." Starlight said. Her voice was only in pure anger. "That pony, Caramel, he tried to bring out the inner anger I had inside. I would've done something to him. I could've possibly injured him!"

"W-Why didn't you say anything?" Twilight asked in complete distress.

"I didn't want to disappoint you." Starlight said. Tears now started to come out of her eyes. "But I guess it's too late now, isn't it?"

The moment she said that, the clouds started rumbling, and loud thunder was heard from the sky.

"Starlight..." Twilight was about to put her hoof onto her, but she quickly backed away.

"No. Get back. Ponies don't want you to be seen with a monster like me." Starlight said with coldness and bitterness in her voice.

As the rain started pouring, and for a good way to disguise tears, Starlight quickly ran away from the two.

"Oh, Spike." Twilight stood there. She now started to tremble. "I thought the lesson would be easy, but instead, I made it more stressful for Starlight." she shook her head. "When did it all go wrong?"

Torn

The rain seemed to downpour for hours as Starlight continued to run. Her mane was wet, and she was really cold. But those things meant nothing to her. She just kept running. In fact, criminals do deserve to be cold and wet.

She looked back as she ran, making sure she wasn't followed. But as she did that, she suddenly felt her hooves slip from the ground, and landed on a wet surface. Disgusted, and even more angry, she got to her feet, and she realized that she had fallen on the mud, and it was all over her coat and mane.

Normally she would clean off the mud, since she didn't like to be dirty. But then again, she thought she should keep it. Monsters don't deserve to be pretty and clean.

"Starlight! Where are you?" Starlight was alarmed when she heard Twilight's call to her. She didn't want to talk to her. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially to a pony that she had disappointed greatly.

At the sound of her voice, she ran as fast as she could, hopefully to escape the alicorn.

Eventually she arrived at a deep forest, far from Ponyville, far from the ponies that rightfully call her out, and far from Twilight.

Normally, I'm not a coward. Starlight thought to herself, but she corrected herself. What am I even thinking? Of course I am.

Eventually her legs were starting to hurt from running so much. Picking a spot, she decided to lay next to a river. Thankfully, the spot was covered with trees, with only a few spots where sunlight could seek through. Twilight wouldn't find her if she looked up above. Which was fine. She didn't deserve to be found.

Maybe I should live here for the rest of my days. Not even a castle feels deserving anymore. Starlight thought in her head in resentment. Just when she thought she had gotten over her misdeeds, she was back to where she started. Hating herself and doubting if she even deserved redemption.

Get over yourself. Another part of Starlight told her in her mind. What are you, a crybaby?

Then she realized that she was crying. She wiped a tear, and looked at it when it stained her hoof. "I guess I am."

After putting her face on her hooves for a while, she noticed that a river was flowing next to her. She got up and went to it, looking at her reflection.

"Look at this." Starlight muttered while laughing bitterly as she touched her bang. "I'm a mask of what I really am. Why did I think that this is going to cover up my crimes?"

After splashing her reflection in anger, Starlight used her magic on her bang. Soon afterward, her bangs were back to being flat. The same style she used when she terrorized Twilight and her friends.

After standing by the river for a while, she closed her eyes. "This is it. I'm going insane."

After crying silently for maybe ten minutes, she suddenly stopped crying when she heard the sound of hoofsteps behind her. Then it got closer, and closer.

Normally she would start running, in case it was Twilight or Spike. But there was a chance that it was another pony that hated her. A pony that would try to push her to the river, since she was close to the edge.

She didn't even dare to look back. "If I were you, I would suggest you leave me alone." she threatened.

"I'd figured that you would like a friend." A familiar voice answered her.

Recognizing the voice, Starlight turned and saw the pony that had stood up for her at the restaurant. "Bon Bon?"

"In the flesh." she answered.

Starlight smiled, happy that it was a pony that cared about her besides Twilight and Spike. But happiness turned into suspicion. "Why are you here?"

"I'd figured that you needed comfort." Bon Bon told her.

"I don't need comfort." Starlight told her. She didn't even sound angry or irritated anymore. Instead, she felt defeated. "The only comfort I have are negative thoughts and tears."

Bon Bon sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about what he said back there. It was... irrational."

Starlight said nothing.

"I've seen you around today. Being treated like a criminal." Bon Bon told her. "I wish I spoke up sooner."

"I am a criminal though." She told the cream-colored pony. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"Not in Twilight's eyes, you're not." Bon Bon objected.

Starlight scoffed. "That's because she's the Princess of Friendship. If she weren't, she would feel the same feelings that the others have felt." she said. Then another dreadful question hit her. Is Twilight only friends with me because she's the Princess of Friendship?

"Don't be silly." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "I forgave you, yet I'm not the Princess of Friendship."

"Yeah... why is that?" Starlight asked with a raised eyebrow. "Why did you forgive me? Why aren't you one of them? You did know what I did, right?"

"Of course I do. Everyone does. But it was because I believed that you've have reformed." Bon Bon answered simply. "Yeah Discord did us dirty, and you did enslave a town and almost destroyed Equestria. But I don't hold grudges. Besides, you're being targeted for something that wasn't even your fault."

Finally someone said it!

"But, you can't let these thoughts get to you, you know." Bon Bon told her.

"I've tried. I've tried so hard to ignore it, but each time I did, it had gotten worse." Starlight tried explaining. She didn't even try to hide the anger in her voice.

"Starlight, you know you're not a criminal anymore. You know that you deserve forgiveness. Why should a few negative, hateful ponies stop you from believing that?"

"I..." Starlight was about to say something, but she closed her mouth. She got her there.

"Did it trigger something?" Bon Bon asked her curiously.

Starlight was hesitant about that question. Should she tell her?

"It's ok. You don't have to say anything." Bon Bon put her hoof on her back. "You'll be ok."

"Will I?" Starlight asked her, still feeling doubtful. "What if these feelings never go away?"

Bon Bon shrugged. "They might, they might not. But you can either drown in negative thoughts. Or rise to the surface and conquer these fears." she told her. "But I know you can do the latter. You just need to convince yourself about it."

Starlight stared at her in silence, and looked at the ground, taking her words to heart.

After a few moments, Bon Bon cleared her throat. "Anyways, I should go. I'm not a good therapist. Even if ponies don't forgive you, just know that you at least have me."

Bon Bon bid her goodbye, then she turned to leave.

"Wait." Starlight called her.

Bon Bon turned around. "What is it?"

"What did Discord do to Ponyville?" Starlight asked her.

"I guess Twilight never told you about that story." Bon Bon lightly chuckled before sighing, digging deep in her memories. "Discord, a reformed villain, betrayed us to a creature named Tirek. Sucked the energy out of us, along with our cutie marks. We couldn't walk, or do anything, actually."

Starlight's heart lurched when she mentioned the cutie marks. That's almost similar to what I did... But what shocked her more was when she heard how Bon Bon described the feeling of having their energy drained. It sounded horrible to go through.

Were they scared that I was going to take away their cutie marks, similar to how Tirek did it? she asked in her mind.

"Thank you." Starlight said to the pony. "This... means a lot."

Bon Bon smiled at her warmly as she entered out of the forest.

Remaining alone once more, Starlight thought more about what the mare said. You just need to convince yourself... The words echoed in her mind.

Can I? Starlight asked herself once more. She eyed the river once again. She looked down at her reflection. Her ears went down when she saw herself: messy, dirty, and lost.

"This isn't the life I want to live." Starlight muttered to herself. She rubbed her forehead, trying to think.

You'll be ok. The words continued to ring in her head.

If I want to live a happier life. I have to let go of these feelings. She thought once more. I have to do it. For me.

With her mind set up, she reverted her mane back to it's singular bang, hopefully for good. Then she started getting the mud out of her lilac coat.

Moving Forward

"Starlight!" Twilight called out for her student while running in the rain. She had called out to her for at least a few minutes, but Starlight never stopped.

"Come back!" Spike begged. But he only did it once. He stopped in his tracks as he sighed in defeat. "Twilight, she's gone."

"We have to find her Spike." Twilight told the dragon in determination.

"Well, obviously what happened back there must've shook her. Maybe she needs to be alone so she can clear her mind." Spike told her.

Twilight lowered her ears. "This is all my fault. I should never have left her alone like that."

Spike put his hoof on her shoulder. "Don't be too hard on yourself. How were we supposed to know they would turn hostile?"

"I don't know. Now she calls herself a monster." Twilight said with guilt. She rubbed one one tear out of her eye before turning to the restaurant. "I'm going to talk to them."

"Are you sure?" Spike tilted his head. "You may talk to them, but they won't change their mind because you say so."

"Maybe not. But as the Princess of Friendship, I'm not going to let this slide." Twilight told him as she entered inside the restaurant. As she entered inside, two ponies, Caramel and Bon Bon, were standing face to face with one another, both looking very angry.

"How could you be so cruel?" Bon Bon said to him in complete disbelief. "'But we all know that is the one thing that you will never be.' Who says that to a pony trying to get over their past?"

"I was just saying—" Caramel was about to speak, but he was interrupted by her.

"I don't want to hear it. I know how much Discord's betrayal has hurt you. Trust me, I felt the same way. But it doesn't mean you can be a big jerk to her!"

"I—" Caramel opened his mouth, but he was silenced again.

"Now she's out there in the rain, all because you couldn't keep your stupid and unfair accusations towards her to yourself." She told him off.

With a deep sigh, she headed towards the door. "I'm going to find her. I've seen her being mistreated by Lily and Savior, and now here. It's about time I have done something about it."

Caramel perked his ears up "What? Out there in the rain? For her?"

Bon Bon opened the door, then turned her head to face Caramel. "Of course I'll do it for her. Because unlike you, I actually feel remorse towards her; and I don't judge her by things that she didn't do."

With that, she exited the place and trotted towards the direction that she had run off to.

"Well, that happened." Spike said, completely stunned.

"Bon Bon, what happened?" Twilight had called out to the earth pony, but she was already gone.

"Well, I guess he can give us answers." Spike said as he pointed at Caramel. The earth pony still kept his head up, but from the look in his gaze, he looked regretful. Why?

"What just happened?" Twilight asked the pony.

"Princess Twilight!" Caramel'es expression went from regretful to shock in a matter of seconds. "I-I-I didn't know you were here."

"What was Bon Bon talking about when she said you were acting cruel?" Twilight demanded. "Was it you that made her run off?"

Everyone now stared at Caramel. When he shuffled his hooves, Twilight turned to the rest of them. "Will anyone tell me what happened?"

All the ponies remained silent. Some gave Twilight nervous looks, and the rest just looked away.

Twilight stomped her hoof in annoyance. "Well, if no one is going to tell me, I might as well—"

"Caramel, you're the one that interrogated her the most." A nearby pony told him. "You tell."

Caramel gulped.

"Did you?" Spike tilted his head.

Caramel rubbed one of his hooves in embarrassment. "Well, I guess I may have been a tad harsh."

"A tad?" A purple pony named Berry Punch objected. "I'm sure it was more than a tad."

"Ok fine!" Caramel glared at her, but he still looked shameful. "I really did hurt her feelings by saying... rather cruel things."

Twilight shook her head in disappointment. "Have you learned nothing about friendship?"

"What exactly did you say?" Spike asked him, hardening his tone a little. "Because it must've been pretty brutal if she ran off crying in the rain, claiming she's a 'monster'."

Caramel sighed. "I'd rather not say." he ducked his head in shame. "I guess I was still mad at Discord and I took it out on her. Bon Bon is right; I should've just kept these things to myself."

He then trotted out of the restaurant. "I need to set this right."

After calming herself by the river, she left her spot and headed back to Ponyville. She was still tense about meeting Twilight, but she knew that she couldn't stay in the forest forever.

Starlight exited the forest as she walked. And since she was in plain sight, and not hidden in the gloomy shade, she covered her eyes from the sun. The rain had finally stopped.

As she reached uphill, she sat down and looked for Twilight and Spike. She didn't know where the two went. She would assume that she was still at the restaurant, but she didn't want to run into the ponies that harassed her again. But maybe she has too?

I have to get over not being trusted and being judged, I guess. Starlight thought. She couldn't exactly learn that lesson if she continued to avoid ponies.

"Hello."

Starlight's stomach lurched when she heard the familiar voice of Caramel. The one that made her run into the forest in th first place. The one that made her doubt herself once again.

"What do you want?" Starlight asked in a harsh tone. Even if she did let go of her depression, she still hadn't forgave him for the things that he said to her. "Are you here to berate me more? Well, I'm ready for it."

Caramel twitched his ear. "No. I came here to apologize."

Starlight's gaze softened a bit. He was apologizing?

"I shouldn't have said those things to you. It was a stupid mistake." Caramel told her. "I guess I was blinded by hate, and I guess I got scared that you would betray us, exactly like how Discord did."

"And how exactly is calling me a liar would help me not betray you?" Starlight asked him, her tone not changing. "What makes you think that I wouldn't take your cutie mark right here, right now?"

Caramel sighed. "I know you won't do that. I realize that now." he told her. "And even if you did, I wouldn't even get mad. Heck, I'll say that it's the right thing to do after what I did."

Starlight looked at him. What was this sudden apology? Did Twilight put him up to this? Was he still hating her in his mind? "Why are you doing this? Are you really being genuine?"

"Look, you can either take my apology, or you don't." Caramel said, starting to sound irritated. But he breathed in and out to calm himself.

"But even if you don't, I promise that I won't provoke you, or spread lies about you anymore." Caramel said at last. He nodded his goodbyes, and he trotted down the hill.

What was that about? she asked herself. Sure, the apology was short, but at least she had one less pony to worry about now. Good enough I guess.

Maybe he felt awkward about seeing her again after their last conversation. She can't blame him for that.

Not wanting to sit around any longer, she embarked down the hill. After trotting around town, she still received weird looks from the ponies around her, but it was the last thing she cared about. She just needed to find Twilight.

"Starlight!" She was startled by the sudden sound of Spike's voice. As she turned to the source, she was caught off-guard as Spike jumped on her, and gave her a hug, knocking her down.

"I'm so glad you're ok!" Spike smiled as he hugged her.

Starlight smiled back. "Thank you, Spike."

"There you are!" Starlight watched as Twilight was trotting up to her. "I guess Spike got a little to excited." she told him with a chuckle.

With a sheepish smile, Starlight got off of Starlight. Twilight lended a hoof to Starlight to help her up.

Twilight's eyes were now filled with concern. "Where did you go? I was worried about you."

"I went to try to clear my head." Starlight told the princess. "And... I was lost." she admitted.

Twilight lowered her ears. "Oh, Starlight. I'm sorry about Caramel." she apologized. "And I'm sorry that I left you at the restaurant. I should never have done that."

"It's alright Twilight." she smiled warmly. "After a certain pony had given me helpful advice, I made up my mind: I think I'm ready to retry this lesson."

Twilight looked shocked. "Really? After what just happened?"

"What if you have a breakdown?" Spike asked her with concern.

"Yeah, I'm done being in that phase." Starlight told the two of them with determination. "I've realized that I can't keep running whenever a pony doesn't like me. I have to accept it and move on. Some may forgive me, and some might take some time to forgive me, or others will never forgive my deeds. But either way, I will be ok."

Twilight and Spike looked at each other. Then she turned to her again.

"Are you really sure?" Twilight asked her.

She nodded. "For the first time in my life, I'm finally sure."

After some consideration, Twilight and Spike eventually agreed with her decision. "I'm proud of you for taking this giant step."

Starlight rubbed the back of her neck. "Heh. I'm even surprised myself." she admitted. "But, I'll get over the glares and rumors." she said.

She looked around the street. Ponies were staring at her blankly; some gave her distrustful looks; then she spotted Bon Bon smiling at her, and saw Caramel sheepishly waving as she fell her gaze onto him.

"Hopefully one day, once they will realize that I really have changed, they will accept me at last. Starlight told them. "And if I don't. Then it is what it is."

I'm finally ready.

First Encounter

Starlight and Twilight entered inside one of the many libraries that were inside the castle. Twilight was bubbling with excitement, while Starlight still felt nervous about what the lesson was going to be like.

It wasn't long ago that Starlight had anxiety and kept doubting if she deserved to be forgiven. But now that she had calmed down and lowered the negative thoughts, she just hoped that whatever Twilight had in mind, it wouldn't make her feel the same way all over again.

"I believe that you have gotten used to the castle life here." Twilight told her after moments of silence.

"Uh, yeah I guess." Starlight answered. Nervousness tainted her tone.

"Well, how would you feel if you adjusted to life outside the castle?" Twilight asked her with her head tilted.

Starlight's gaze narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I've never seen you talk to anyone except me, Spike, and our friends." She explained. "Since I believe that you have gotten over your anxiety, this will be your first friendship lesson: you have to talk to the locals of Ponyville, and try to make a connection with them."

Starlight's heart lurched. "Wait, wait, wait. Isn't that a bit overdone? I mean, I've finally started getting used to being forgiven by you and your friends. But other ponies is a different story."

"Don't worry, you won't do this alone. Me and Spike will be by your side during this time." Twilight told her. "The key is to try to have you feel connected to the ponies of Ponyville. Just so you don't feel isolated all the time."

"Are you sure this is right?" Starlight beckoned her. "Maybe teach me how to be kind, brave, or something like that."

Twilight looked confused. "But you're already these things. I know you're a kind pony, and you showed off you bravery when you figure off that dangerous bugbear."

"Oh." Starlight sighed, remembering her fight with the bugbear.

"Starlight, I know you can do this." Twilight said. "Why else would I do this if I thought otherwise?"

Starlight lowered her ears, still feeling uneasy. But she closed her eyes. What am I doing? She's doing this for me, and it seems like I'm not grateful for it. She thought, angry at herself.

She opened her eyes. "Fine, I'll do it."

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked her, suddenly starting to sound dismissive. "Now that I thought about it, maybe I did get a bit overboard with this. Maybe we should do this another time—"

"No." Starlight said firmly as she raised her hoof. "It's fine. You're right, I do need to get used to the non-castle life. After all, I do want to explore the sights or Ponyville, and be friendly to the locals."

"Only if you're sure about it. You're not being forced to do this." Twilight looked at her sadly.

She nodded. "I'm sure."

Let's hope I don't regret that decision.

Once afternoon came, Starlight, along with Twilight and Spike, were walking down the streets of Ponyville.

As they did, they were immediately greeted by numerous ponies. Starlight looked and saw that Twilight looked a bit weirded out.

"Strange, that never happens." Spike whispered to Twilight. To which she nodded in agreement.

"Well, it's to be expected." Starlight told him. "She is a princess after all."

However, unlike Twilight, Starlight didn't receive any positive looks. Most of them just stared at her blankly, and the others just whispered to their friends with their eyes narrowed in distrust.

Twilight noticed this and she looked at Spike nervously.

"It's ok. Normally ponies are friendly here." Twilight told a discouraged Starlight.

"Yeah, friendly to those who didn't almost destroy a timeline." Starlight muttered with a little bitterness.

"Hey Twilight!" All their gazes were fixed on a few mares that trotted up to the princess. "The flowers that you requested for the castle are ready for delivery!" A mare with a red mane spoke to her.

"Thanks, Rose." Twilight smiled. "I'll pick them up today now that I'm here."

Rose smiled. Meanwhile, a pink pony next to her stared at Starlight. "Who are you? I don't think I've seen you around before."

"S-Starlight Glimmer." Starlight stammered at her name. She felt very nervous around these ponies, and it only gotten worse once they started talking to her.

"She's new here." Spike told the mares. "She's Twilight's new student!"

"Ooh Twilight! You're very first pupil! Congrats!" Rose exclaimed.

As Twilight was about to say "thank you", a pony with an amber mane pointed at Starlight in an accusing manner. "Aren't you the pony that enslaved a village?"

Caught immediately off-guard by the question, Starlight didn't even say anything. All she did was look down at her hooves in shame.

"So you are!" Lily gasped.

"Lily! That's rude!" Rose exclaimed. She looked at Starlight with an apologetic gaze. "I'm so sorry for that."

Starlight still said nothing.

"Yeah, Lily, shame on you!" The other pink pony exclaimed, but then she whispered in her friend's ear. But it wasn't very quiet, since Starlight could hear what she said.

"Don't be rude to her, or else she'll steal your cutie mark once Twilight isn't looking." she said in her friends ear. To which Lily scoffed and said, "I would like to see her try."

Starlight's gaze narrowed angrily. Then she sent out tiny sparks out of her horn.

"Stop! You'll make her angry." Rose told her friends.

"Girls, calm down." Twilight told them. She then shifted her gaze towards the pink pony, called Daisy. "I've heard what you've said. Starlight isn't like that anymore. There is no reason to be scared."

"Didn't you see those sparks that came out of her horn?" Lily asked her. "She used that as an intimidation."

Starlight rolled her eyes as she turned away angrily.

"That's no reason to be rude." Twilight told her. "You shouldn't have said that when she was right in front of you."

Rose nodded her head in agreement. Daisy looked apologetic at Twilight, and Lily looked at Starlight, still skeptical.

"Whatever. I'm surprised that a pony like her is running amok in this town. Why didn't you send her to prison like how Celestia did to her own sister?" Lily asked Twilight.

Twilight looked nervously at Starlight. She saw that Starlight lowered her ears, and her eyes were narrowed.

Twilight started sweating under the pressure. "Uh... I'll discuss that with the girls another time." she grinned widely.

With a nod, she turned the other way and walked away from the mares. Starlight was a little startled by the sudden direction, but she eventually followed her. She didn't even look back at the mares.

"That was unnecessary, Lily." Starlight heard Rose, who was clearly disappointed by her friend. "You never know. She might've actually changed."

"Rose, you should've known by now that even reformed villains can turn their back onto us. Why don't you ask Discord?" Lily told her. "What makes you think she wouldn't do the same?"

Then she heard her voice trail away.