"I Have a Good Life"

by aggressive cornelius

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm, Diamond Tiara, Sad
Length: 2113

Diamond Tiara has everything she could ever want, except happiness.

Diamond Tiara has a good life. Nothing is wrong, but why can't she find it in herself to be happy. Why does it hurt so much.

(I haven't written anything in so long. I thought writing this using my own experience would help me get back into writing.)

Published 2023-01-01 09:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-01 09:10:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Diamond Tiara woke up in the morning. Well, that was a lie. She hadn't just woken up, she had been up for hours staring up at the ceiling. It wasn't even morning anymore, it was just about one o'clock. Diamond wanted to get out but she stayed in the comfort of her plush bed. It was such a nice bed, the best money could buy. She never felt uncomfortable or in pain while sleeping. It was one of many reasons her life was good. She was interrupted from her thoughts by the door opening. She quickly yawned and stretched as if she had just woken up. It seemed to fool the maid that peeked her head in “Miss Tiara, you're awake. Shall I bring your breakfast up?” she said with a smile.

Diamond nodded with a smile “Yes.” she answered. The maid silently nodded before retreating from the doorway. Diamond's smile faded and her head fell back into her pillow with a sigh. Breakfast being served to her in bed, that breakfast being made by some of the most talented chefs in Equestria. The thought should have brought a smile to her face but the most she could manage was a sigh. Eventually the maid returned and laid a tray of food next to her on the bed.

After the tray was set up the maid gave a slight bow “Let me know if you need anything else.” she said before inching out. Diamond stared at the delicious plate of pancakes topped with fresh fruit, a glass of milk on the side next to a selection of syrups. Her mouth watered and her stomach grumbled at the very sight of the spread. The entire tray was emptied into the trash can. She left the tray on her bed and walked out of her room. The help would clean after her. She made her way down the stairs “I have a good life.” she reminded herself in a whisper.

Later she had met up with her best friend Silver Spoon at sugarcube corner. They each sat in front of a milkshake and Silver was in the middle of telling a story of something that happened recently. Unfortunately, Diamond wasn't listening. She tried to listen, but her own thoughts proved to be much louder. She tried once again to tune back into her friend's story “...and then she finally noticed that her horseshoes were fakes, I knew she couldn't afford that brand.” she finished with a giggle. Diamond pretended to giggle along with her friend. She was so lucky to have a friend that was so funny and caring but all of her thoughts couldn't let go of the fact that she ignored the majority of her story.

She then heard something from her friend that caught her attention “Is something wrong DT, you seem really quiet?” she asked. Diamond celebrated internally. This was her chance to let it out. Her chance to stop pretending. Her chance to get help.

She smiled and waved a hoof dismissively “It's nothing, just tired. I got no sleep last night.” she said.

Silver nodded understandingly “Oh okay. Well hopefully you can get more sleep tonight.” she said.

Diamond nodded “Hopefully.” she said. Maybe it was for the best that she didn't let her feelings out. After all she didn't deserve to feel depressed, she had a good life. She got out of the booth “I actually am really tired, I'm going to go home and nap. I'll see you later.” she said before heading for the door. She was sure that Silver threw some kind of goodbye her way, but she couldn't hear it.

Diamond could at least take solace in the fact that she didn't lie to Silver. She was tired, really tired. Unbelievably tired. That thought plagued her mind as she walked. She didn't notice how long it took her to get home but the next thing she knew was that she was entering her room after putting her 'do not disturb' sign on her door. She stood in the middle of her room. She glanced at her toy box that was filled to the brim with everything that's supposed to bring joy to children. She turned to her bookshelves full of stories, all of which had a happy ending. Happy, she thought about that word. Had she ever really been happy? She should be. She had everything she could ever want. She had a good life.

She could feel tears start to well up in her eyes. She picked out a book at random and flipped to the last page “and they lived happily ever after.” her grip on the book tightened. She felt her body start to heat up. Anger flared in her chest “How?” she questioned. She started ripping pages from it “Why can't I?” she shouted as quietly as possible before launching the book at the wall.

She climbed into bed and buried herself in her blankets. She shut her eyes tight and held her head in her hooves in an attempt to quiet the thoughts, but nothing could stop them. She punched her hind legs hoping that the pain would distract her for even a few seconds. This lasted hours, night had fallen. She sat up finally, her eyes had dried. Had she stopped crying or did she just run out of tears. She couldn't tell. She had given up on ignoring the thoughts “I can't ever be happy. I'm broken.” she thought about what she does when something breaks. She slid out of bed and made her way out of her room. She was so tired.

After some time she finally arrived at her destination. She walked into the Everfree forest. She walked through thorny bushes and stepped on sharp rocks, but she couldn't bring herself to care about her own well being. It got harder and harder to walk on her bruised legs. After she made it a good way into the forest she laid down. All she had to do was wait for a timber wolf or a ursa or something. Everypony would think it was just a tragic accident. Nopony had to know. The calm she felt was enough to allow her to start drifting off to sleep. She hoped the creatures would be quick.

Diamond Tiara began to regain consciousness. She felt warm and a pleasant smell radiated around her. Was this it? How death felt? Her eyes opened to see an unfamiliar ceiling. It didn't take long to realize she was still alive. She had failed. She looked around to see that she was in a cottage of some kind, in a bed. She heard a gentle voice from the other side of a door “Yes, she's right in here. I found her hurt in the middle of the Everfree forest.” it said.

Hearing that voice allowed her to figure out where she was. She forgot that Fluttershy lived next to the Everfree forest. She should have thought about that. She facehoofed harder than she should have “Stupid!” she shouted not caring who heard her. She hit herself again “Stupid!” she continued as the door slammed open. Fluttershy ran in first followed by Twilight and her father.

Filthy Rich quickly grabbed her hoof to stop her from hurting herself further “Diamond, why are you doing this? What's wrong?” he begged as tears started to fall.

She hated that question “Nothing! There is nothing wrong! I have everything I want! But I don't know why it hurts so much!” she cried.

Filthy was speechless. He didn't know how to respond “W-why were you in the Everfree forest? Fluttershy said you were almost attacked by timber wolves.” he said.

“I want to stop.” she said. It was the only way she knew to word it.

“S-stop what?” he asked, terrified of the answer.

“All of it! I...think. I don't know.” she said. Everything she was feeling was so confusing.

Filthy instinctively took a step back from his daughter “You...you want to...” he could bring himself to finish the sentence. Even thinking it made him sick to his stomach.

Twilight put a gentle hoof on his shoulder “Why don't you wait outside. Me and Fluttershy will talk to her.” she suggested.

“But...” was all he could get out.

“Trust me.” she said with a kind smile.

After a few seconds he nodded slowly before leaving the room. Twilight walked up to the bed Diamond laid in. The filly was still sobbing into her hooves and refused to look at either of them. She felt a yellow hoof pull her into a hug “Huh?” she said in surprise as Fluttershy silently held her tight. She hadn't asked for a hug, she had no idea how badly she needed one. She threw her fore legs around the mare and cried into her chest.

Fluttershy tried to keep herself from sobbing as well “Take all the time you need.” she whispered.

Diamond wasn't sure how long she spent bawling her eyes out but through all of it, Fluttershy and Twilight waited patiently. After some time, she lifted her face from Fluttershy's chest. She stayed in Fluttershy's embrace and looked over to Twilight.

She was met with Twilight genuine smile “Want to talk?” she asked. There was no judgment or malice in her tone.

She nodded before looking up to Fluttershy “Can you...” she had to force the request out “Can you keep holding me?” she asked.

“Of course I can.” the mare answered while squeezing the filly slightly tighter.

That gave Diamond the will power to face Twilight again “What do you want to talk about?” she asked quietly.

“Whatever you want to talk about.” she answered.

Diamond frowned as thoughts began to return to her mind “I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. I'm just so tired. Everyday hurts. I just didn't want to live anymore.” she said. Twilight said nothing so Diamond continued “I should be happy. But I'm not. I can't be. I'm broken. I was throwing myself away.” she said. Shame painted her face while she talked. She knew she didn't deserve to be comforted, she had a good life.

“You're not broken. You just need a little help.” Twilight insisted.

Diamond wanted to believe it, but she couldn't bring herself to “Other ponies can be happy. They don't even have to try. Normal ponies just can't relate.” she said.

Twilight looked off to the side with a sad smile “When I was a filly, I attempted suicide.” she announced. A gasp from Fluttershy implied she didn't know about that either. “Back in Canterlot, when I became Princess Celestia's student. No matter how many times she told me I deserved it, I couldn't believe it. I kept telling myself that she did it out of pity, that I was troubling her. One day she caught me trying to tie a noose. Do you know what I learned that day?” she asked.

Diamond shook her head, completely lost in the story. Twilight smiled “I learned that my brain was lying to me.” she said.

Diamond was confused “It was lying to you?” she asked.

Twilight nodded “It's called clinical depression. The princess helped me through it. She helped me be happy again.” she said.

Diamond looked down as she processed this information “You felt this way too? An-and you were helped out of it?” she asked.

“Only because I let the Princess help. So let me ask you, will you let me help you?” she asked.

Diamond was scared. She wanted to turn her down. She wanted to refuse and run back into the forest. But most of all, she wanted to be happy. “Please, please help me.” she begged.

Twilight's smile widened “I'll get you some food, you look like you haven't eaten in a while.” she said. Before heading for the door.

Fluttershy held the filly closer “You're doing so well!” she cooed.

Diamond couldn't help but smile, she was doing well wasn't she.

In the living room, Filthy saw Twilight enter. He galloped up to her in a panic “How is she?” he asked as his heart raced.

“Better. I'm going to schedule some therapy sessions with her.” she said.

Filthy felt a surge of relief as he reached for his wallet “How much, money is no object.” he said.

Twilight held a hoof up “No need for that. Happiness is a right, not something you have to pay for.” she said.

Author's Note

Sorry if this was a bit of a mess, my mind always gets disorganized when I think about this kind of stuff.