Changeling (Re)Borne

The world is dark and quiet. I can feel a faint tugging, and it feels like the entire world is spinning. Like I'm in the eye of a hurricane. It all eventually just stops though. I can make out the details of the world as the spinning slows down.

Stone bricks. Iron bars. Cold floors. One word. Dungeon. We're in a dungeon. There's no one here. We're alone.

This is wrong.

I should have died there.

But I didn't. And now I'm in a prison. And I'm alone.

And then I hear footsteps. Hoof steps. They're soft, and slow. I think someone is coming.

Twilight appears, and she looks like a wreck. She's bruised. She's tired, her eye's sunken with crow feet. And she looks at me. I'm in a cage. She's outside. She's the warden.

"Why didn't you kill me?" I ask. My voice is weak. My body is weak. My soul is weak.

She sighs and slumps down to the ground, her body slumped and limp. Her eyes are tired, but her face shows concern. She speaks, and I can barely make out the words.

"I'm not sure why you think I want to kill you. I think I can trust you, and I think that's why we're still here." She sighs, her voice heavy "But I know that Chrysalis is going to be looking for you. So I need you to stay here for a little while, just until I can get Celestia and Luna back."

There's a lull in the 'conversation'.

"...Do you think you'll regret it?" I ask. I'm not sure if she'll understand. But she's the smart one. I hope she can figure it out. She's supposed to be the good guy.

"I'm not sure." She sighs. Her face shows a flash of sadness, and she looks down, away from me.

I think she knows what I mean. We sit in silence for a few seconds, her head in her hooves, and my body aching from starvation and exhaustion. Eventually she gets back up.

I can hear her whispering. I can barely hear it. "You should probably sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."

She turns around to walk away.

"Twilight." She pauses, turning around, listening. She's not leaving. Not just yet. She's waiting for me. "...Thank you for saving me. I'm sorry I tried to kill you." I say.

"I know. And I'm sorry too. But we have to stop her." Twilight said. Her voice was tired, and she didn't look happy.

"I'll see you later." She says. And then she walks away, her hoofsteps echoing away in the dark.

And I am left in the cold.

I don't want to think about the cold, or the dark, or the hunger. It's become a nuisance. A very painful nuisance. But it's still there. I can feel it gnawing at my bones. It's all a burden that weighs me down, and it's only going to get worse.

Just to add to that, I can actually feel my stomach. Not just that hollow feeling I have from a lack of love- but actual, physical hunger.

I wish it went away. Aside from that, I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed. Just sat there. Did what Chrysalis said. I'd have been safe, and sound. Maybe a little bored, but safe and sound. Twilight might have never found me, and Chrysalis might have been content with whatever she's done to Celestia and Luna. But I ran.

I ran because I thought that was what I wanted. But then Twilight showed up, and she's here to rescue them. And now I'm stuck in a cell.

and i really wish i chose better.

more importantly, i wish i wasn't so hungry.

"I wish I had a doughtnut." I whisper. There's a faint glow, and it appears. A doughtnut, floating in mid air. A delicious looking doughnut, just begging to be eaten. It has a hole, and it's covered in sugar. The icing is a bright, beautiful pink, and the glazing is perfect and smooth. Impossibly perfect. Devilishly so.

"Did some magic based lifeform just say..."

My ears twitch, the faint sound of someone speaking reaches them. I don't recognize that voice.

"... Doughnut?" The voice is. Scratchy. Male. Not quite irritating. But could get there.

"No, I said 'donut'" I correct, before taking the donut into my hooves and staring at it.

"Did he just correct me? No one has ever corrected me." The voice sounds surprised, and annoyed. A bit taken aback by the correction, and not liking the implication of being wrong. A random sheaf of papers is stuffed into my face as the voice loudly proclaims- "You clearly stated here, doughtnut. Not donut, nor doughnut. Dought. Nut. Which, I could have easily given if I weren't feeling so nice today to someone in this predicament."

I stare at the floating sheet of papers in my hooves, and I blink at the floating donut before my head whips to look around in the cell for the source of the voice.

Nothing.

"Up here." It calls. I look up.

"Hi there."

I blink. And then I blink again.

There, in my cell, floating in mid air is a pink frosted doughnut. With sprinkles and the words 'Hi I'm Discord! Nice to meet me!' written on it in pink icing. A slightly redder shade of pink.

"See, it's actually called Dutch Yellow, but it's pink! A delightful salmon pink, if we want to get into specifics, but that's not the point. We, are Discord!" He said with a flourish. "Spirit Of Chaos, at your service!"

"...Discord." I mutter. The name feels wrong. A bad feeling.

"Now, your handsome guardian angel here has arrived to save the day after you've soft-locked yourself into this here mess." The voice said with a chuckle, as if the situation was funny.

"And what situation would that be?" I ask, my voice heavy. It's hard to think. The hunger is distracting. I want to eat something.

"Well, you've gotten yourself locked in a prison, for starters." I really wish the spirit of chaos wasn't a donut. "And the next three dialogue choices from here on out railroad you into a bad end purely for you, with a hidden fourth one immediately drowning Equestria in eternal pandemonium-"

The words just melt away.

I. Really. Want. A. Donut.

"-Hello? Discord to Angel. Discord to Angel here~ you still there? Did your server crash? What's with the hungry look? Are you even paying attention to me?"

"I want a donut. A real donut."

"Oh. Well. Uh... I guess that means it's working." It mumbles. "Well, alright, you're not supposed to know the name of the game but-"

"Wait. I still look like a donut dont I? Whoops! Technical Difficulties! Give us a moment, we're working through a slight malfunction." It says, as it floats to the ground and shatters, a cloud of dust and crumbs exploding in the cell. It takes a few seconds, before the donut rises from the cloud of crumbs, only now- "Huzzah! It is me! The one, the only- Discord!" It said, the voice matching the visage.

In the donuts place was now an amalgamation of various animal parts. A grey coat of fur, with-

"We're Discord. No need to narrate us, we're already well known. Here. Have a real donut."

The creature's hands glowed a bright red and pink, a doughnut appearing in his hand, and a few other various items, ranging from an anchor, a snake, a rubber ducky, and some other various items. The anchor was placed down with a heavy thump, as it handed me the donut.

"Take it. Come on." He urged, the snake wrapping itself around my neck.

I slowly reached out for the doughnut and took it in my mouth. It was soft, and warm. It tasted sweet, and the icing was a delightful, delightful flavor. A strawberry flavor. I wasn't too fond of the chocolate... undertones. But it was food, and it was sugar! Sugar! I can feel my brain lighting up! A bit of energy! Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!

It wasn't love. It wasn't anything remotely similar. But it was a start.

"So. Now that you've gotten that out of the way." He says. His eyes squint, and I can feel him probing my mind. Something, something important. I didn't want to think about it. So, of course he does.

"Alright. So, you're a changeling, and your brain is a soup." He states. It's matter-of-factly. It's not a judgement, or a comment on my character, just a fact.

"So. Big thing is, you've got two beings inside your mind right now, each of which has some degree of control over your body, and all three of you have no clue what's going on. One of them, you've managed to shove into the basement, but you can still hear it screaming from downstairs." The spirit of chaos explained. His tone was casual, and he didn't seem bothered by my predicament. "The other two, well. You've managed to get the two to the point of being a couple. Which, if we want to look at this optimistically is actually a pretty great idea. It means you and the ol' moon-butt won't be fighting for control. But you also have a big chunk of your head dedicated to just keeping her happy and stimulated. That's resource heavy kiddo!"

"-by the way, the third game in the series is a good one. But I think it's a little on the nose with where it'll be going isn't it?" The spirit of chaos said, with a shrug. It was like a joke, but there was no humor in his voice.

"...Game?" I ask. It felt like the right word to focus on.

"Oh! Yeah! You've played it. A game. Wacky woohoo pizza man?" With a snap of his fingers, his body is graced with a red leather jacket and black pants. There's something that flashes some recognition in me though. A sword. A sword I can at best describe as really, really cool.

All metal, shiny gunmetal. With bones as the guard and skull and ribs as the crossguard, and a wickedly spikey pommel.

The Rebellion. A name pops in our head, and the spirit of chaos is now holding the weapon in his hands, and a smile on his face as he twirls it and plays with it. He seems like he's enjoying himself, and the attention he's getting.

To be honest, I also want to be doing really cool spins and tricks with the sword too. I mean seriously. It's a cool sword.

"Yeah! That one. You played that one." He said, his voice a cheerful one.

I shake my head, trying to clear it of the sudden desire to wield that sword. No, no. No, no.

"No, I didn't play that game." I mumble with confusion.

Discord looks disappointed. "Starts with a 'D'? Featuring 'D' from the...?" He asks, trailing off in a vain attempt for me to finish his statement.

"Dante?" I answer, my brow furrowed. This was getting nowhere fast. I wanted to know what was going on. I didn't want to be stuck here, in this prison, talking about some game.

"Close, but not close enough!" He says with a laugh, then a sigh as the laugh dies down. "Seriously, you branch out with new material and the new guy can't even remember the references you're making."

"What do you mean?" I ask. "You're talking about something important aren't you? This is some sort of clue to figure out what's happening with me right?"

Discord shakes his head, and he's looking down at me with pity. "Foolishness, Dante. Foolishness."

...

"What, nothing?" Discord gawks. "Well, let it be said that Discord is anything but a liar, because you absolutely have soup for brains. So! Let's get back to the point!" He says, his voice taking on a chipper tone once again. "What's in your head. Your head is a soup of three different beings, all of which are warring for control over your body. You can't have one in control without the other two interfering, and you've managed to keep the two of them relatively calm by distracting them with each other. Which, by the way, congratulations!"

The spirit of chaos pauses, giving me time to take in the information. "And, well, if you think about it that's the only real way to keep them under wraps. But, well, you can't keep doing that forever. And the longer you go without feeding, the more they'll start to break out of the little box you've shoved them in. Luna will start to regain her power and awareness, and you'll lose the only thing keeping her happy, and Celestia will start to get agitated. And eventually, one of them is going to take over, and then the other, and then you'll have two people fighting over a singular body. And then, well. We both know what happens when that happens."

"But wait, there's more! You also have an absurd number of extra, smaller others aside from Celestia, Luna and you of course. Which means you need to keep them all happy and content while you do whatever it is you're going to do next!" Discord says, a frown on his face as he takes a moment to think about something. "... I really should have told you about that bit before we got to this part. Well, too late now. That was probably a lot to take in, so how about a donut?"

I blink. Then, I shake my head. The donut in front of me has appeared once more, and Discord is smiling. "No, no. I'm good."

Discord shrugs, and snaps the doughnut out of existence. "Suit yourself."

I blink.

I'm sure I'll remember all of that.

"Good! Because we're moving on with the plot! So! Here's the thing, kiddo."

"Chrysalis needs to die."

His voice was firm. A statement, not a question. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about, and I believe him.

"Why?" I ask, trying to understand. Why does he want her dead? What did she do to him?

"Because if Chrysalis wins, the world ends. Simple as that."

I blink. "I don't understand."

"Okay. So, here's the timeline right now in your little roguelike. Chrysalis decides to go for round two against Canterlot, succeeds and uses Luna and Celestia to make you. Two weeks later, Twilight begs me for some help, I cave, you get captured and now we're all caught up. See? It's a pretty simple narrative to follow."

Discord snaps his fingers, and a board appears behind him. A timeline, with several points on it. "So, you're going to stay in your cell for a little bit, Twilight is going to get her ass kicked by Chrysalis, and then she's going to realize that she has no idea what she's doing and ask me for help again. Then, I'll send you to save her, and you'll all try to stop Chrysalis again, this time using a new method. And then, Celestia and Luna will be able to take over their bodies again and defeat Chrysalis. You'll be fine, Twilight will be fine. Everybody wins, happy ending! The End."

He pauses for a moment. "Of course, that's not how it's going to play out. But let's pretend like it will be." He says with a grin. "You're still going to be trapped here until you can figure out what to do with all the other little ones in your head, but trust me! We're on the same page here. You just need to keep the soup in your brain from boiling over while I find the right way to fix things."

"Wait, how long am I going to be in here?" I ask, my voice worried. I don't want to stay in a cage forever.

"Eh... Not very long." He said with a shrug. "Twilight doesn't know what she's doing. I'd give it a week before Chrysalis sieges Canterlot. She'll come back and get you then. Probably."

"Probably?" I asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, probably." Discord said, as if that was a completely normal sentence.

"...Okay." I say, trying to process it all. "So. You apparently know what's supposed to logically come next, and none of what you said sounds like anything I really want to happen."

Discord nods. "Yep."

"...But you're not telling me what I should do."

"Nope."

"Why?" I ask. I don't understand.

"Because there's no point in telling you what you should do." Discord said, his voice a sigh. "You need to figure out what you want to do."

"But you don't want me to do what I want to do, do you?" I ask. There's something in my gut that tells me I'm right.

"Well, wheres the fun in telling someone else how to play the game? You're a new player, this is a fresh run, and you're going in blind. Now, new player aside, you're also really bad at this. I think this is your worst run yet." He says, his tone amused. "But that's the fun part! You learn as you go, and sometimes things end up working out anyway!"

"Okay. Well, what if I want a good ending?" I ask, hoping for some sort of hint. "Is that even possible?"

"Good question! Well, the answer is yes, but not for this particular run. At least, not yet. We need to work on that soup brain of yours, first." The spirit of chaos explained with a nod.

I sigh. I don't have any clue what he's talking about. I just want to know what's happening. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Simple. We need to add a new ingredient to the soup." Discord said, snapping his fingers. A chef's hat appeared on his head, and a giant bowl appeared in front of him. He looked down at it and sighed. "Unfortunately, you don't have enough ingredients for a new dish. You're going to have to settle for a different flavor profile."

"...I don't think I have a major in philosophy to help me understand what you're saying, Discord."

"See! Just like that, you're using all of those fancy words but you have no clue what they mean!" Discord said with a laugh. "You're just making it up as you go, and you don't even know it!"

He stops laughing, and snaps his fingers again. The empty bowl is just suddenly shifted an arbitary number of inches to the right as he leans forward. "To put it bluntly, your mind is made of two things. A blank slate, and a bunch of random leftovers from other ponies who were here before you. And since we're not really going to be doing any actual brain surgery today, I'm going to have to give you some of mine."

He reaches into the soup bowl and pulls out a chunk of meat. "Here. Eat this." He says, holding out the meat. "And while you're at it, stop thinking about your life in terms of what you've been told it's supposed to be."

I hesitantly reach out for the meat, and take it in my hoof. It feels like beef jerky. I look at it for a second, then back at Discord. "What?"

"You heard me. You're thinking in terms of what you've been told about yourself. It's time to start thinking about what you want to be." Discord explains. "Now, eat up. It'll do wonders for that soup brain of yours."

I bring the jerky up to my mouth and take a bite. It tastes... Pretty good, actually. I'm not sure what flavor it is, but it's good. I take a few more bites. "...So, what's this going to do for me? Is this supposed to help me come up with a plan to save us all?" I ask, before finishing off the last of the jerky.

"Probably. Maybe. You're the one who's supposed to do that. I'm just here to give you a few tips." Discord said with a shrug. "You've got a lot of work ahead of you, but I think you can manage it. And remember, don't focus on what you've been told, focus on what you want."

"Wait, so this was all just to teach me a lesson?" I asked incredulously.

Discord paused. "Yes. Well, no, not exactly."

"...Then why are you doing all this?" I asked, my voice a whisper.

"Because someone has to. And because I'm bored. I need some entertainment in my life!" He says with a grin.

I look down at my hooves. I feel so, very tired.

"Listen. You don't have to worry about this now. Just focus on getting better for now." Discord says.

He places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "Chin up, champ. Everything's going to be alright."

"...Why can't you just fix everything? You're Discord, you're the spirit of chaos." I ask. I'm too tired to be angry. I'm too tired to be anything. I just want to rest.

Discord lets out a laugh. "That's not my job, kid. I'm just here to make sure things go right. This isn't my world. It's yours."

"So. Go on. Do what you want. Be whatever you want. But don't forget, you still have work to do." Discord says. His voice is sad. He sounds like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. Instead, he disappears, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

...It was food for thought.

what a clever joke, im dying already.

But seriously, I hate being alone. I don't think I've ever really been alone like this. Not in a very long time.

The silence is deafening.

But I at least feel awake. Aware. Lucid and sentient and conscious and all other uselessly redundant terms one could say in place of the word "thinking".

There is not much in the cell, a bathroom- more accurate is the word a latrine, and a bed. A simple mattress suspended from the floor, and a single blanket. The only other feature is the bars. And the ceiling.

Maybe I could call for Discord? But if I do, what would I even talk about with him? What would I even ask him?

No, I'm supposed to think on my own. I have to think. I have to try to figure something out.

But what can I possibly think of?

What do I want to do?

What do I want to be?

I want to be, free. I think that's my main goal. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. Uh... I know that's supposed to mean something but I don't know what, actually. Discord was probably right.

It's likely related to freedom?

Still, don't know how to get out. Though, here's another tangentially related thought- how do they stop prisoners from using magic? I don't exactly have anything on my horn that looks like it'll stop me from casting magic.

Unless there's some sort of dampening field around me?

I mean, there's nothing on my horn, and Discord is probably magical so if there was one wouldn't that hinder him a little?

And the walls don't look like they'd hold anything back. They're just stone bricks. Maybe something's embedded inside the mortar? But how would they get away with that?

There's probably some kind of enchantment that prevents magic from escaping this room. But that's assuming that there's anything blocking magic in the room.

Maybe that's why Discord didn't tell me about this. If he could cast spells then I'd probably be able to too, right?

...Okay, let's assume that this is true.

So I can cast magic. But I don't know if I can do anything useful. I can in fact, cut the bars. But also anything behind those walls, and frankly I still don't want to hurt anyone.

And I also don't want to attract attention. I'm not supposed to be out of this cell until Twilight comes to get me, and if I'm out of this cell, that's going to make things hard for her.

What else do I want?

Life? Already have it, though maybe not for long. Freedom? Has consequences, and I'd use it to sleep forever. Friendship? Tried. Died.

I do feel really... incomplete. Like I'm missing something important. Something that's supposed to make me whole.

Love? I do need love. But I can't see myself getting any. I'm not exactly a nice person. And I doubt anyone would want to give love to a changeling. And it's not the same feeling as being hungry for love.

It's like reaching for something you know should be there, and it's not, and you can't even remember what was supposed to be there, only that there's something missing. Like when you know someone's been through your things, but you can't tell who.

It's maddening. I don't know what it is, but I know I need it.

Whole. Make. Us. Whole. We. Are. Not. Whole.

I don't like this feeling. I don't like this feeling at all. It's like someone took a part of me and hid it, and now I have to find it.

But I don't know what that means.

it's time to call for luigi.

"Discord!" I yell. "Discord, get over here! Discord!"

I shout and scream until I'm out of breath, and then I keep shouting. I shout until my voice is hoarse. I shout until I feel like my throat is bleeding. (Dehydration, as I'd figure out soon enough)

The only response I get is the sound of hooves rushing towards me, and the sight of a familiar purple unicorn appearing in front of my cell.

"What? What is it?" She asks, looking around with concern. "What's wrong?"

"...water." I wheeze.

She pauses, staring at me, before nodding and walking away, returning a moment later with a large pitcher of water. "Here." She says, her voice soft.

I reach through the bars and take the pitcher into my hooves, drinking greedily from it. I barely register that I've actually held something properly in my hooves- in regular unmodified hooves. It feels so natural to have a pitcher in my 'hands', and I feel a small sense of relief as the cold liquid passes over my lips, soothing my raw throat.

I drink for a moment, before placing the pitcher down and looking up at Twilight.

"Thank you." I say. My voice sounds like I just ate a few dozen nails.

Twilight nods. "No problem."

We sit in silence for a moment, neither of us wanting to speak.

"...How are you feeling?" Twilight asked after a while.

i plant my face onto the stone below. It is admittedly melodramatic, but I have no better idea of expression at this current time.

"Not well then." Twilight concludes.

I sigh and push myself up onto my hooves, and make my way over to the bars separating me from Twilight. I lean against them, letting my head rest against them, and closing my eyes. I feel tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Just tired. Tired and empty. So, so empty.

"...What happened? What did you do to yourself?" Twilight asked.

"Screamed." I say. It's a simple answer.

"I know that much, but why did you do that?"

I pause. I don't know how to explain this feeling to her. But something tells me I should keep my mouth shut.

Not in an aggressive way, I know, that's just how in voicing- thinking it. Shut up and get out of my head.

"...Bored." I lied. "...Lonely." That, was truthful. I miss people. I miss having people around. The voices were quiet, for once. It was a relief, but it was also a bit like stepping out of a steaming hot tub after spending hours in it. You're cold, and you're muscles are all weak and relaxed and your skin is pruned like no tommorow.

Twilight sighs. She's looking at me with pity in her eyes, and I think she believes me. I hope she does. "You know, I could always get you some books to read if you'd like. I'm sure there are some in the library that aren't being used right now." She offers. She seems sincere, but I can't really tell. I'm not sure I'd be able to tell if she was lying or not.

I think. I think I liked books. "...Sure." I say.

And then she left.

I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I know that it's better than nothing.

...

She came back with books.

A lot of books. A lot of different books. She came back with an entire cart of books. Not exactly a cart, but she did wheel in a small library. I estimate twenty to twenty four. It's probably an even number of books, they're all together snugly, not a single book leaning in any particular direction.

"How many books are there?" I ask.

"Thirty." She answers.

"Ah. Thank you."

"No problem." Twilight says, pushing the cart towards the bars. "I figured you'd want to read some things. I'm not sure what you'd like, but I've brought a little bit of everything."

"How much is nonfiction?" I ask, as I look over the books. I don't really recognize any of them. It's a bit hard to tell, but there are some that stand out more than others.

"The first five are nonfiction. They're about various topics, including magic, history, geography, and other things." Twilight says, pointing to a row of books on the cart.

"Thank you." I say again, and this time I mean it.

She shrugs. "It's no problem." She says. "I'm sorry I'm not very good company."

"No no, it's fine." I say, and I'm being honest. It's probably better that she isn't very good company. I'm not sure I could handle being around someone who's too friendly.

"Well, I should go." Twilight says, and she does.

"It's alright." I say. I'm not sure what else to say.

"I'll be back in a few hours to see how you're doing." Twilight says. "If you need anything, just shout."

"Okay." I say. I'm not going to shout. I'm surprised I didn't somehow tap into the voice last time shouting for Discord. Maybe it's intent based but I'd rather not drag my recovering throat through any more than it has already. I have no idea how I didn't completely destroy my voice.

Twilight walks away. She leaves the cart of books there, and I'm alone again.

I pick up the first book on the cart and start to read.

The next hour or so passes slowly.