Mistral Bans Cadence from her Twitch Chat.

by The_Chill_Author

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Crossover, Flash Sentry, Death, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Other, Comedy, Metal Gear, Royal Guard, Profanity, Adventure
Length: 1855

With her husband currently in the Canterlot Infirmary, and Twilight as the proxy ruler of Equestria, Cadence expected a big buff man to attack her... And not an E-Girl.

Cadence is filled to the brim with a mix of emotions. Hatred, calmness, grief; all of these emotions described her. For every second of every day, she had guards there to protect her. She basically had herself hidden from the public.

Unfortunately for her.

Mistral finally found what she was looking for,

Published 2023-08-17 21:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-17 21:50:00 UTC

A STRANGER I REMAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!

Upset, angry, livid? None of these words could describe the emotion Cadence was feeling. Ever since the announcement of her husband’s - Shining Armor’s - loss to the one they call Minuano, she’s never been the same. When she found out that her Shiny lost a hoof and was in critical condition in the Canterlot infirmary, she desperately wanted to leave to see him. But she couldn’t, the Royal Guard refused her to Canterlot. The Princess of the Crystal Empire! But, admittedly, they had a good point.

If she left the safety of the Crystal Empire, one of these so-called Winds of Destruction would have ample opportunity to ambush her on the way to Canterlot, possibly making her meet the same fate as all of the other royals. It hurt her to admit, but she had to stay, but she knew. She knew she wasn’t truly safe, if these Winds of Destruction could slip past the defenses of Canterlot of all places; who’s to say they won’t bust down the doors to her home? It didn’t matter how many guards, how many defenses were put up around her castle - she knew; they would come.

Well, it’s not like she didn’t have faith in her guards, Shining did train them after all. However, he also trained the guards at the camp up further in the north and they didn’t stand a chance against Minuano.

…Minuano.

That name filled her mind with dark thoughts. She didn’t know it, but her horn flickered, fueled with this unnameable emotion she was feeling. The bucking Winds of Destruction held true to their name, destroying everything she had. Her aunt, Lulu, her Shiny…!

“Princess Cadence!” A voice cut through her internal thoughts like a hot knife through butter, melting the emotion she felt for but a moment. Cadence blinked, looking around her throne room; it was vacant of any decor, there was no carpet, no paintings and no torch - the only light coming from the stained glass windows. And there was no one there but one guard, which was Flash Sentry, all the other guards were stationed outside the room.

“Yes, Flash?” Cadence asked with a touch of venom, causing the poor Unicorn to flinch.

“Your magic, it’s shaking the castle, is everything…” Before Flash could finish that sentence, a glare from the Princess of Love gave him the answer to his - admittedly dumb - question.

“...Do… Do you need to talk to someone? I’m a good listener.”

“Shut the buck up, Flash.” Cadence scowled, “Just shut the buck up.”

Flash obeyed his Princess and turned to face the door. He kept his sword close by his side and after consideration, he slowly unsheathed his blade.

“Why do you draw your blade, Guardsman Flash?” Cadence inquired, sending chills down Flash’s spine. He nervously turned to meet the intense look in Cadence’s eyes. Raising a shaky hoof, he saluted her majesty.

“I-I have to be ready, in case the Winds of Destruction come,” The words came out so fast that he choked on his tongue.

Cadence narrowed her eyes, “Very well, go on.” Without a word, Flash turned back to the door…

…Where loud heavy metal music could be heard.

Flash turned to his Princess, “Princess Cadence, I will check the source of the noise!” He moved to open the door.

“No, Flash, you’re going to–” As Flash opened and closed the door behind him, Cadence could hear his muffled voice. She slowly facepalmed as she knew what was about to happen to the poor little guardsman.

“Alright, alright, what’s all this then?!” Flash’s muffled voice could be heard over the screams of the other guards.

“Hohoho, I’m French, oui oui!” A French “person” could be heard.

“Wait, what the buck? What’s that?! Oh God, oh my God! GET AWAY FROM ME, GET AWA–” Flash shrieked.

“You’re my little pogchamp!” The next thing that could be heard was Flash’s scream as the door blew open and he was sent flying through the wall behind Cadence’s throne. Cadence closed her eyes as the dust from the crash filled the room. She flared her wings and flapped, parting the dust and clearing the air, she now opened her eyes to see a woman in a cybernetic cat-suit with spherical objects on her back – maybe they were for batteries, but she couldn’t tell. The woman had red hair and brown skin, her eyes seemed to stare at Cadence, which just meant that they were blue.

“Ah, so you finally–” Before Cadence could begin to say her dramatic speech, Mistral cut her off.

“Thank you, Gear Shift for the gifted sub, Mommy Mistral loves you very much.” She said out of the blue, before turning her attention back to Cadence. “I’m sorry, continue, what were you saying again?”

Cadence didn’t know if she should be insulted or be confused by her words, “Ahem, so you finally–”

“Thank you, Zmg for the ten gifted subs! Oh, you are just so very pogchamp!” Mistral cooed with a warm smile. She blinked and focused back on the matter at hand, “Yes?”

‘This bitch.’ Cadence thought as her brow furrowed, “I was saying, you finally–”

“Royal Equestrian with the one hundred gifted subs!” Mistral exclaimed, clapping her hands together with a grin that stretched ear to ear. “You’re insane! Can we get a hype train chat? Let’s try and get a hype train!”

“Okay, what the buck are you doing?” Cadence’s voice seemingly brought Mistral back to reality.

“Oh, I’m thanking my subs.” Mistral responded which just brought up more questions than answers.

“You’re what?” Cadence stood from her throne and tilted her head to the side, Mistral did the same before it clicked.

“Ohhhh! You’re not cultured, I get it. You see, I’m a twitch streamer.” The Princess of Love stared at Mistral, dumbstruck. “I stream.”

“I know what that means, idiot! Why the buck are you streaming?!” Cadence stomped her hoof on the floor, making a loud boom that echoed off the walls.

“Sounds like someone is PJ Salt.” Mistral teased which just led to even more confusion.

“What does that even mean?!” Now it was Mistral’s turn to get cut off as before she could have a chance to speak, a robotic voice came from her.

“Oh my fucking God, Mistral you are so bad, bro. I want you to choke me with your thick French croissants, you are way sexier than that horse, on god, no cap, for real, for real.” The user Fire Hearth said using TTS.

…

The awkward silence was louder than krakatoa, that was until Mistral broke it.

“...Mods, ban that guy.”

“RRAAGH!” Cadence had enough and fired a blast of magic that shot towards Mistral at the speed of light and enveloped her in the blast completely, erasing parts of the throne room floor and sending shards of crystal in the air. The shards covered her target - or what’s left of her - in smoke. “That’s what you get for not taking me seriously!” She stomped her hoof and flared her nostrils, “I am NOT like those other royals, I can fight back, I can– Wait, why do I see a silhouette?”

During her whole speech, the cloud of smoke parted and revealed that balls of metal with three arms had blocked the blast from damaging Mistral. Cadence’s jaw dropped to the floor comically as she saw the French witch smile smugly.

“Your magic can do nothing against me and my twitch chat! Now, chatters…” Mistral began as she spread her arms apart as if she was a bird about to take flight. “...Hype Train.” Multiple one of these balls with three arms crawled towards her, sprinting towards her as they detached their arms and put them onto her back. Some even parted themselves to form a staff or a spear, Cadence couldn’t tell, she was too horrified at what she was witnessing. She heard Mistral’s grunts and groans as the arms were inserted inside of her bo–
Okay, who wrote this?

Mistral let out a sigh followed by ominous laughter, her gaze pointed to the earth as she slouched. She opened her hand and the staff leaped into her hand, she slowly straightened her back up from her bent position and spun her weapon around. A devilish grin adorning her face. “Well, I guess it looks like…” She pointed her staff at Cadence. “...I finally found what I was looking for.”

“Yes, your DEATH!” Cadence’s horn lit up and fired a blast at her once more, but with a simple sidestep, she avoided the attack with a confident smirk. This just seemed to piss off Cadence even more, the Princess of Love’s blast shortened into short missiles forged out of her magic. The missiles were many and forced Mistral on the defensive, she dodged and weaved the attacks. Throughout the assault, a thought crossed her mind to deflect the attacks back at her, but when the missile she dodged to the right blew up, she quickly snuffed the flames of that idea out.

Mistral couldn’t get close to the enraged Cadence, every shot was fired too quickly, and she was not confident in dodging up close. Eventually, she’ll run out of stamina and would get caught, what was she to do?

“Don’t worry, Mommy, I have your back!” One of the balls with three arms ran from the entrance of the throne room and jumped in front of Mistral, taking the attack for her.

That’s right! Her viewers! She could exploit them for her own personal gain! “My handsome viewers, aid me in this fight, she’s getting a bit too wild for me to handle!” Mistral called out, and right on cue, the castle began to shake.

Cadence stumbled trying to keep her balance and held off fire, “What are you doing?!”

A smirk formed on Mistral’s face, “A raid.” From the doors of the throne room, first tens, and then hundreds of her viewers came barreling in, charging towards the Princess. With the fear of God in her eyes, Cadence unleashed her magic, gunning down the viewers, but it wasn't enough! The numbers were too much, her viewer count was over 9000!

Cadence shrieked in terror as the viewers restrained her, she tried to fly but they had a hold of her wings. She couldn’t do anything but wonder why she didn’t try to fly in the first place! Mistral laughed and her viewers parted, giving her a way to come face to face with the restrained Cadence.

Mistral wore a smug grin, while Cadence wore eyes of cinder. “Hmph, I guess I’ll have to do it myself.”

“D-Do what?!” Her voice shook with fury and fear as Mistral raised her boot.

“You’ve just been… BANNED!”

STOMP!

The four rulers laid down in their hospital. It was deathly silent, no one had dared to speak because they knew what had happened.

“So…” Shining began, but Cadence quickly cut him off.

“I bucked your entire guard and still your dick was the smallest.” Cadence said flatly.

“W-what the bu-”