Starlight was unsure about everything. It was all changing with a speed she could compare to her new ‘friend’ Rainbow Dash. But even with all of the forgiveness she was given, she knew that didn’t remove the weight of what she had done. She had nearly destroyed Equestria multiple times even if she hadn’t been able to believe it when it was right in front of her eyes. Altering a bunch of ponies to not retain their destinies was also not morally pleasant to others either, which she still understood was wrong by her manipulative intentions.
She had listened into the conversation before she was told of her new pupil position, but she hadn’t heard most of it out of fear. She did hear the portion about being stopped in her last villainous acts by her own will, that Twilight had been unable to stop her herself. And she heard one of her friends become skeptical of their ability to send her away, and it stuck in her mind like a thorn.
It was hard to forget the pressure of being in a room with a series of ponies who were deciding your future for you, even if it resulted in them claiming their decision to befriend her despite offering herself up for punishment. They claimed it so easily, that friendship came quickly, and Starlight was unsure that ease was even possible for her.
She hadn’t had a real friend since Sunburst, but now she was here under the supervision of a princess. She was in the very castle that had the same map she used to alter the timeline multiple times before setting it right. A small portion thought the alicorn was a bit of an idiot for that, but considering Starlight’s genuine intention to try not to act on her anti-cutie-mark mentality anymore she supposed it was fine.
There was a thought that gripped her mind however that seemed to try to push itself to the forefront with every movement. That this could all be a ruse, this could all simply be their way of imprisoning her. Perhaps they would devolve their friendship with her into some sort of criminal servitude program - she knew that they knew how powerful she was, that they may even want to use it themselves.
Starlight was so on edge that night that every hoofstep had a small shutter lingering dormant beneath her coat, a portion of it may have been the chill of the castle but she wasn’t sure about that. She may not have known what friendship was since her time with Sunburst, but she did know that she didn’t want to be in the castle just to be some monitored criminal.
Her mind was filled with means to escape, thoughts on if she should actually try to create measures to leave just in case the princess had been buying herself the time to try and torment Starlight with a spell of her own. She just couldn’t imagine that anypony would actually be extending her a genuine hoof of friendship, it sounded insane to her. Nopony supported her outside of Sunburst and her own flesh and blood, why would anypony else do that now? Especially now?
She got to her new bedroom, a very bare room with basic furniture and a window near the bed. It reminded her of her bedroom back in Our Town outside of the stone walls replaced by crystal and other mostly cool colors. There had been discussions of plans the next day in the throne room for Twilight and her friends, for each of them to spend time with her over the next couple days.
It sounded somewhat real, but there was hesitation in a few of them that left her unsure of the legitimacy of the offer. She entered the room, noticing she was given a new saddlebag as a gift to which the unicorn, Rarity, claimed she would design the clasp decal the next day. But it felt wrong, everything about being there felt wrong.
She was just one unicorn in a little village of her own some time ago, punishment there was being trapped in a room constantly flooded with conformity propaganda. There was no way in her mind this was her being let off the hook, she knew they were keeping her around because of her magic. Her cutie mark. Once again chaining her to something, chaining her by her talent and by how much of a threat she was.
As she was thinking, she realized she had stopped thinking and subconsciously started packing things into a saddlebag after locating one of the libraries. The lanterns in each room enchanted to flicker on when somepony was in the space. She gathered a couple books to improve her magic as a protective measure, a couple survival skill books since she could stand to brush up on it, a couple books on morality in hopes it would keep her from backsliding to the point of being hunted and caught.
After a moment, she heard the large door gently open and she froze, the chill in every measure of her body as she wasn’t sure what to do. Within a couple seconds, she heard the voice of a familiar young dragon, “Starlight? What are you doing packing away books?”
Starlight immediately felt her nerves start to leak in her expression, nervous smile, nervous eyebrow tensing, twitching her hooves away from the bag. She chuckled, “Ah, nothing important. I mean, who doesn’t need a few books to keep them company?”
Spike gave her a skeptical look before walking over and pulling a book out. She felt her heartbeat skitter as she couldn’t summon the ability to fight back without potentially hurting Spike. She didn’t want to hurt him. He spoke to her after scanning one of the covers, “Foraging by Forests in Equestria: A Complete Survivalist Guide. What is this for?”
Starlight backed away from the bag, from the dragon, just a couple hoofsteps. She lowered her head a little, she didn’t know how to explain herself, she was hardly sure how she even got here in the first place. Gulping, she hesitantly started, one hoof raised in a slight prepared defense, “I was planning to use it. On my way out.”
Spike chuckled almost humorlessly, looking at the spine of the book that showed it was one of the thicker tombs in the library, “Like what, as a weapon?” He looked serious after a thoughtful moment, “Or perhaps to live away from the castle.”
The unicorn felt caught, but she didn’t know how to backtrack away from her own actions. She still wanted this, both things, the friendship, the escape. She wanted the security of knowing other ponies again in a positive light, but she didn’t want to risk it. She whispered out, completely unable to make eye contact with anything outside of the floor, “I just don’t want to be stuck, I can understand being on some sort of parole, but if that means the friendship is something fake-”
A silence held the air as she was unable to let any more words escape, she closed her eyes as fear started to ring in her head, and soon after a dull thud of something being put down she found a small dragon claw holding her defensively raised hoof. Her thoughts went quiet at the contact, and she found her eyes looking into his green serpent-like gaze.
Despite his small reptilian form, he looked wholeheartedly concerned yet faintly determined. He spoke after a couple seconds, “I’m going to bring you to Twilight and you both are going to talk. It won’t be how you think it will be, I promise.” Starlight found some small reassurance in his words, but more panic also followed. He seemed to notice and squeezed her hoof a little, “She didn’t hurt you back in the time spell, she won’t hurt you now.”
That truth brought her enough comfort to let the dragon lead her, she walked with one hoof still connected to Spike. A portion of her yearned to just stuff the book back in the bag and teleport away somewhere, anywhere. But this claw around her hoof completely grounded her here, it was like an anchor that kept her from drifting away.
She had no clue where she was being led, or what doors her bag was behind anymore. But she didn’t worry about that now, she then realized that even if this was parole she just tried to run from it. She incriminated herself further with this, but she couldn’t go back now. They reached a set of doors, ones Starlight couldn’t recognize in the midst of the others matching it down every hall.
As the small dragon knocked, a muffled ‘come in’ answered, to which he slowly opened the large door with less effort than Starlight would have expected. He then spoke with firmness, “Twilight, you have a visitor.”
Starlight was unable to look up, she just looked at the claw at her hoof and wondered if the urge to escape would overtake her when it was removed. She heard the princess, “Of course, I’m sure there’s more to discuss. You can leave her with me, Spike.”
The dragon didn’t let go of the unicorn’s hoof like she’d expected him to when they entered. She could see his expression at the edge of her vision due to their height difference, she watched his concerned expression as he spoke out, “Okay, but I thought you should know that she tried to run away. Not for anything bad, she just- she seems scared.”
Starlight found the strength to glance at the princess out of curiosity only to catch a confused expression on the mare’s face and subconscious acknowledgement they were in what was likely the princess’ bedroom. She returned to looking at the claw while the royal spoke, her voice getting closer with rug-dulled hoofsteps, “Thanks for letting me know, I’ll take care of it. Go ahead and get ready for bed.”
Spike then looked at Starlight, which she half-avoided the visual contact, before he spoke, “Okay, but remember what I said Starlight. And Goodnight, to both of you.”
Twilight spoke a warm, “Goodnight, Spike,” while the unicorn could only muster a short and almost silent ‘night’ in response. The princess’s hooves entered her vision at the front after the claw left her hoof. Starlight realized she could hear her own heart thumping, the faint repetitive thunk in her chest that seemed to mimic the deep sound of the shutting door. She heard the mare speak gently while the sound lingered within her, “Starlight, look at me."
Starlight couldn't find it within herself to do so, and after a couple seconds the alicorn extended a wing into Starlight's vision. The end of the feathering guided her by the bottom of her muzzle to slowly look toward the alicorn before the wing was pulled back at their eye contact. Twilight looked concerned, her tone a bit softer as though trying not to scare away Starlight's gaze, "I'm not upset that you tried to leave, I'm just wondering what brought you to want to."
Starlight's nerves left her feeling like a filly, she didn't turn away from the mare but her eyes wandered away from her. She felt her ears droop as she soaked in the discomfort, hardly able to find her voice as she spoke in nearly a whisper, "Am I being punished?"
She looked back at the shift in Twilight’s expression just for a moment, the mare didn’t understand to the point of even slightly tilting her head. The alicorn’s feeling was apparent as her tone became a more normal volume that was tinted with confusion, “What, for the things you did? I only planned to teach you friendship, did you want some sort of punishment?”
Starlight found herself once again dropping her gaze, knowing she didn’t say enough to get what she was actually feeling across. The silence held and all the unicorn could hear was the thunk of her pulse bounding in her chest, but after what felt like a long moment of back-and-forthing internally she found the words. She was unable to speak with strength, as though the question itself were worth shame, “I mean, am I just being kept around so I won’t be a threat?”
She found it within herself to want to see how Twilight would respond to her following question, she looked into the violet eyes that were trying to figure her out as she continued, “Is this offer of friendship just to tame me? To hoof over some fake version of the one thing I want just to stop me from using my magic - or to take control of it?”
The princess’s eyes widened a little, seeming to be shocked enough that her posture straightened a little more than it already was. She shook her head in a way that was more like she was shaking a thought from her mind and less like an answer. Twilight looked around the room, her gaze seeming to catch the bed before she slowly started to walk over, speaking a short, ‘come here’.
Starlight was unsure what she was doing, but followed anyway as her ears perked up in curiosity. She watched the mare use her wings to gently propel herself onto the bed, turning as she laid on her stomach so that she was facing the side she got on from. The wing that had shortly settled in a folded position then tapped at the space beside her with it for a couple seconds, “Sit with me a moment.”
She didn’t know what else she could do besides listen to the mare, so she slowly climbed onto the bed and settled herself laying next to Twilight. Having left some distance between them, she couldn’t look at her as the purple mare moved closer so she could drape her wing over the unicorn.
Twilight then spoke, catching the unicorn’s gaze at the sound, “Starlight, I don’t want you thinking that I’m having you stay here just because you’re magically gifted and ideologically misguided. Even though they are what brought you here, they aren’t why I wanted you here. While we both know you’ve done things that would warrant legal action, I don’t think that’s what would help you. I do genuinely think that we can become friends if you’ll allow it and I don’t want to throw away that chance if I can help it.”
The unicorn had been watching, trying to find any sign that this was some sort of artificial social prison. She couldn’t find any, the mare sounded genuine. A small question came out, the warmth of the mare’s reassuring wing giving her a very faint spark of hope that this was real, “You actually want to be my friend?”
Twilight chuckled a little, as though the question didn’t even have another answer to her, “Well of course, why else would I ask you to move in? I hadn’t even considered pretending to be your friend just to keep your magic in line and I wouldn’t ask you to use your skills for me. If we thought you were an irredeemable threat I would have asserted that we imprison you in some way. But when you showed me how you felt about Sunburst leaving? I could see that you wanted a hoof offered to you just as much as I wanted to get close enough to reach out to you. Although I should have guessed you’d be skeptical of the entire offer once the emotional highs settled.”
There was a quiet as Starlight thought. Parts of her almost couldn’t process the fact that this mare genuinely meant everything she said. In the past hours she had been doubting the entire thing, it almost didn’t cross her mind anymore that it could be real. But it was right here in front of her, every word laid out with an honest intention. The appearance of a lack of ulterior motives didn’t appease her engrained wariness, but it didn’t feel so cripplingly absolute that her doubts were true anymore.
The alicorn then asked gently, as though trying not to threaten the softening air between them, “Is there anything that brought these thoughts up, to make you think this all couldn’t be about being your friend? Anything I can help you with?”
Starlight, despite being unfamiliar with the closeness she currently had, found herself moving a little further into the large wing that laid over her entire back. She was unsure if she dared to risk sharing even one more fragment of the entire broken mirror that caused her to do everything she did. Sunburst had only been the catalyst that finally left her to break, but even with just that minor portion of the confession the princess did seem to truly think she was redeemable.
After a bit more thinking, she found herself gulping down some nervousness before working up the ability to speak, even if she could only manage a whisper, “I was so sure this was related to my cutie mark, that maybe my punishment would be serving you with my magic or forcing me to spell-weave for you.” She found her volume a bit more as she spoke, reaching a nearly normal volume as her ears dropped back again, “Everything in my life has felt related to these marks. Sunburst wasn’t the first time my friendships were affected by cutie marks. It just- it wouldn’t be the first time I was offered friendship only to have it ripped away as some sort of sick joke.”
Starlight refused to add that if that was the case currently that it wouldn’t even be the second or third time this sort of thing happened to her due to her time without a cutie mark. That she’d somehow let herself be suckered into hoping those fillies changed when they hadn’t more than once - a hope she thought might have been born of loneliness. But she didn’t want to linger on it, she wasn’t even sure why she was trying to dig up this shard of her past despite being asked about it.
However, when she looked just for a second at Twilight she saw a bit of pity that quickly brought Starlight to lower her neck as she turned her head away. She really didn’t like that look, she started regretting that she shared any information about herself. But the wing over her back only held her a little more firmly. Silence was held between them for a while, the unicorn highly unsure how to proceed.
Twilight spoke softly yet Starlight listened with every fiber of her being that she could without looking, her tone lacking pity, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sure it isn’t easy to even start trusting me, but now I know that you want to take that step, I’ll do what I can to build a friendship worth that risk.”
The unicorn’s ears perked up again, not having expected such a response. But she couldn’t look at the taller mare, she was embarrassed she’d shared such a thing. She shared a time of weakness, and she rarely ever did that. She hadn’t done that with anypony since Sunburst, not even with her own father, and it was disorienting to think she’d done such a thing again. She wondered if this was a side effect of how disorienting the environment change was. She heard Twilight speak with a volume that only complimented the silence around them, “I doubt you want to talk about everything tonight, so I’ll let you go at your own pace. But I do hope you’ll come talk to me when stuff like this starts to surface again.”
Starlight wasn’t sure she could promise that, she wasn’t even sure why she’d done that this time. But Spike’s reassurance, Twilight’s response, she dared to think this castle might actually be safe for her. She didn’t want to start off on any lies, so she mustered up the ability to look at Twilight and spoke quietly, “I’ll try to remember that, it might take quite a while.”
She felt the alicorn’s breath stutter with a laughter that Starlight saw was composed of relief, “That’s all I can ask for. I can’t expect to help with years over the course of a few minutes, but we’ll work toward that way together through all the lessons I plan for you.”
The unicorn felt nervous at the idea of lessons, but to preserve her current small sense of comfort she decided to push the thought aside. She nodded to show she had heard the mare, giving an awkward smile, “I guess I should probably go to bed now. I didn’t mean to keep you.”
Twilight then gently pat Starlight’s hoof with her own a couple times, smiling at the resolution, “Don’t worry about it.” She pulled her wing back to her own body, Starlight found herself immediately acknowledging the air was a little colder yet not as cold as before she’d settled here. The alicorn continued, “You can come talk to me even if I’m asleep or working, my doors will always be open to you.”
Starlight slowly unfurled, dropping herself forward onto her front hooves as she got her back hooves to follow when leaving the bed. She found herself able to smile more genuinely yet softly than she had earlier that day, “Thanks, Twilight. And goodnight.”
She heard a ‘goodnight and sweet dreams’ behind her as she started toward the door of the room. The moment she shut the door beside herself as she was out of the room, a realization hit her. She hesitantly opened the door again and peaked her head in, an awkward smile returned as she saw the alicorn starting to tuck into bed, “Actually, I’m not sure how to get back to my room.”
The purple alicorn chuckled at that, leaving her bed with the use of her wings, “I’ll show you.” She moved to give the princess room to enter the hall as a guide. But despite the lack of conversation the chill of the castle didn’t feel like it was biting into her while she had company. The lingering hope she had that this was going to be a real friendship was something she could feel within her, frail and bruised, she could only wish for it to last as she followed her new mentor.
Author's Note
This was originally going to be part of a whole Starlight reforming project I was working on, in which I help fill out her reformation a little more by adding things around the episodes she was a part of alongside new things and more backstory. But I also have a tendency to never complete any project I work on, this project just happened to be segmented in a way I could publish some single-chapter stories if I finished them. This is one of those.
