Jesse Does LSD

by Slippin_Sweetie

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Narcotics, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other
Length: 1885

Jesse Pinkman and his friends do LSD while My Little Pony is in the background. Things get out of hand or hoof very fast.

On his 'day off' local meth cook and drug dealer Jesse Pinkman decides to spend the day with his friends Badger and Skinny Pete. Despite is reputation in the crime world as one of the best meth cooks in New Mexico, Jesse himself hasn't consumed any drugs in a few months since he left rehab. But that changes one Saturday night when Badger and Skinny Pete offer Jesse a taste of some LSD.

My Little Pony and Breaking Bad crackfic.

Breaking Bad timeline placement: Season 5 before 'Dread Freight' (S5E5)

My Little Pony timeline placement: Season 1 after 'Friendship is Magic-Part One' and 'Friendship is Magic-Part Two.'

Content warning: Drug use, language, and references to violence. Spoilers for Breaking Bad.

Published 2023-01-03 08:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-03 08:00:00 UTC

A Trip To Ponyville

Jesse sat idly on his couch, tuning out the chatter between his friends Badger and Skinny Pete. His thoughts were preoccupied with other things, his responsibilities to his business partners, stumbling into a power far beyond his comprehension, and his regrets….Jane.

Suddenly he heard someone call his name, "Jesse."

He'd quickly look toward the source of the sound, "Mm, yeah?"

Badger slowly turned around, taking the bean bag chair he was sitting on with him, "Dude, why did you invite us to chill if you're not gonna… y'know, chill?"

"Yeah, man, you just been staring off into space for the past half-an-hour while I've been whooping Badger's ass in Mortal Kombat, yo." chuckled Skinny Pete.

Jesse sighed, slowly rubbing his temple with his hand, "Ah..uh…sorry guys, I got a lot on my mind. If you guys want to leave, it's cool."

"No, man, we don't want to go. We want you to join us!" said Badger, getting up from his bean bag chair as he stood over Jesse, "C'mon man, just hang out with us."

"I'm….not really in the mood for video games, guys."

Badger and Skinny groaned, "Oh my God, are you on your period or something, dawg?" picked Badger, "Let's just watch some cartoons and smoke a bit."

"I'm clean, yo." Jesse said firmly, "I don't touch that stuff no more."

Skinny looked over from his Papasan chair, "Look yo, we both went to that rehab shit with you, and we're clean too. Smoking a little grass isn't the same as smoking crystal. Just relax." insisted Skinny.

Jesse let out a long sigh, "You know what, you're right. Let's chill."

Skinny and Badger quickly turned to one another before high-fiving each other, "Let's go!" the two promptly slumped onto the couch next to Jesse.

Jesse reached for the remote on the coffee table before flicking the channel from the Xbox to his cable t.v, "You guys said you wanted to watch cartoons?"

"Yeah, man, they are so funny." chuckled Badger.

"Yeeeaaah, like the one where the cat and the mouse beat the shit out of each other. I love that!" mused Skinny.

Jesse smirked, skimming through the t.v channels, "Doesn't look like there's much on, Spongebob, Flintstones, Transformers."

"Yo yo, check Cartoon Network, man." chimed Skinny.

"Uh….Destroy, Build, Destroy," answered Jesse.

"Augh, what!?" groaned Badger, "Who the Hell puts live-action garbage on CARTOON Network, man!?"

"Look, that's all they have. What do you guys want to watch?" asked Jesse.

"Fuck it, let's watch Transformers." relented Skinny.

"Yeah… Transformers are cool…" sighed Badger, "I wanted to see the one with the dumb kid and the Grim Reaper. That shit is always funny!"

Skinny looked over, cringing "Man, that show grosses me out; how are you supposed to get baked and chill when you see dudes blowing snot and shit everywhere every five seconds."

"Whatever, man, I didn't think you were a little bitch." jabbed Badger.

Skinny smacked his lips as he looked to Badger, "Man, fuck you, and you know what, YOU can roll."

Badger groaned, "Man, I hate rolling.…" the man sighed before he reached off to the coffee table for the ounce of weed, rolling paper, and lighter.

Jesse took a long drag from the joint, feeling the heat and smoke paired with the taste of tobacco and marijuana. Jesse closed his eyes, savoring the taste. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed taking the edge off.

The cloudy feeling in his head felt nice, too, paired with a strange floaty sensation. Jesse could finally let go of his regrets and responsibilities. At least for a few hours.

"Heh, feel better?" smirked Badger.

Jesse chuckled, "Yeah…."

Skinny patted Jesse's back as he gave his friend a smile, "Hey, look who's smiling, huh!? Now we can chill!" exclaimed Skinny Pete.

The television suddenly cut to a brief commercial. The screen was filled with clips of colorful ponies as a narrator briefly spoke over the footage.

"Coming up next, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic! Only on The Hub!"

"Augh, man! Not that girly shit, I wanted to see giant ass robots fight!" lamented Skinny Pete.

Jesse subtly rolled his eyes at Skinny, "I mean, we could put on the movie. I think I have the DVD somewhere, probably."

"Hey, guys…I think I have a way we can make this more interesting," smirked Badger, stuffing his hand into his pocket as he slowly pulled out a small sheet of paper.

Skinny quickly peered over Jesse, eagerly eyeing the colorful tabs of paper, "Yooo, is that what I think it is?"

"Mmmmmhm," grinned Badger, "Gen-u-ine shiet playa! This is the real deal, fine paper acid yo!"

"Yo, guys, chill. I thought you guys were off that shit." interrupted Jesse.

"Oh, c'mon Jesse, open your third eye, man." nudged Badger.

"C'mon Jesse, aren't you some sort of badass? Let's do it, for old times' sake." insisted Skinny.

"For Combo," Badger said finally.

Jesse scowled at Badger, feeling a deep seeded anger placed against the man sitting next to him. His anger quickly dissipated as he bowed his head toward the floor, sighing, "....Alright, fine….one last time for Combo."

Skinny Pete smiled gently, placing a hand on Jesse's shoulder, "No pressure."

Badger laughed before handing the tiny slabs of paper to Skinny and Jesse, "Alright, on three, one, two, three."

The three men placed the tiny sheet of paper on their tongues, tasting the strange chemicals. It tasted faintly like battery acid.

Jesse smacked his lips as he grabbed a box of tissues from the coffee table before wiping his tongue, "Augh…Badger you sure that was acid? Tasted like double AA batteries on a magnet."

Badger laughed, "Don't worry, yo, it's from a trusted contact."

"This shit should kick in by the time the pony show starts, right?" asked Skinny.

Badger nodded, "Yeah, something like that."

Jesse let out a long sigh, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get some food and take a shit before I can't tell what's real and what's not." he'd got up from the couch as he walked toward the kitchen.

"That's, like, not how it works, yo!" Shouted Badger.

"Yeah, man, that shit is only like that in the movies!" chimed Skinny.

As the end credits and ending theme for Transformers played, the intro for Friendship is Magic started playing through the t.v's speakers. Badger and Skinny Pete were already laughing by the time the first syllable was said.

Jesse looked over to his companions, a slight smirk on his face. Maybe he'd been a bit of a prick with a stick up his ass. He'd chuckle, thinking of Mr. White. Perhaps he was starting to rub off on him.

"So, like, who is who?" asked Skinny , leaning toward the t.v and peering across the coffee table to examine the characters.

"Man, are you actually watching this right now?" snorted Badger.

Skinny Pete looked over to Badger, cocking his brow at him, "Yeah? Wasn't that, like, the point?"

Jesse flashed a grin to Skinny Pete, "We might actually just be watching cartoons for little girls if Badger's printer ink doesn't work."

"Maybe this was all just a plan for Badger to come out of the closet!" laughed Skinny.

Jesse chuckled while Badger scoffed, standing up from the couch and standing over the other two men, "Man, shut up, I'm not a fag."

"Whatever, man, can you go get me a soda?"

"Man fuck you; go get your own."

"I can get you a soda!" chimed a new voice.

The men froze and slowly turned to the sound of the voice, seeing a pink mare with a curly mane and bright blue eyes.

"....Is everyone seeing what I'm seeing." Asked Jesse.

"Yeah."

"Heard."

Skinny slowly looked up at Badger, ".... I'll give you five dollars to go get my soda." whispered Skinny.

"And walk past that thing? No way, it's creeping me out." whispered Badger.

"I'll give you ten bucks if you go pet it." rang Jesse.

Pinkie let out an offended sigh, "I'm right here, you know! It's really rude to talk about somepony while they're standing right by you."

Jesse stared at Pinkie Pie, clasping his hands together, "Uhm… We're sorry?"

"Wait, maybe it's like tulpa rules where we have to ignore it to go away," suggested Badger.

Skinny nodded, "Yeah.. let's just watch the show."

The men quickly ignored Pinkie as they stared at the giant flat-screen t.v, trying desperately to ignore the trotting of hooves around them.

Jesse felt a sudden weight press against his lap, causing him to quickly look down. Seeing Pinkie Pie sitting in his lap, "....Guys….what do I do? She's in my lap." whispered Jesse.

"Just ignore it, man." hissed Badger through gritted teeth.

"Oh my gosh!" gasped Pinkie, "My friends are in there! Let me go get them!" exclaimed Pinkie, frantically jabbing her hoof at the t.v screen.

The men felt a rock hit the bottom of their stomachs as they slowly turned their heads to Pinkie. Then they looked up at one another with a knowing look.

Each of them quickly grabbed Pinkie, the mare suddenly erupting in a fit of giggles, "Hehehe! That tickles!" snorted Pinkie.

"Yo, I can't get a hold of her, man!" shouted Badger

"Grab her legs, grab her legs!" ordered Jesse as he quickly reached for the mare's left back leg.

Pinkie gasped, "Hey! Keep your hooves to yourselves!" She'd rubberband her limbs away from the men, quickly springing herself across the living room and landing smack dab in front of the t.v.

Jesse leaped from the couch as he quickly attempted to tackle the pony, just barely missing as the mare hopped into the t.v.

Jesse slowly sat up on his knees as he stared at the television and then back at his friends with a ghostly expression.

"Alright, look, let's like rationalize this. We're clearly tripping out, and what we just saw is a trick of the brain. Maybe she won't come back." suggested Badger.

The house suddenly rattled as the furniture began to shake. The t.v bounced excitedly on top of the entertainment center as the screen started to crack and chip. Before a loud boom erupted in the living room. The t.v acted like a glass bomb, sending shards of glass in all directions across the room.

Jesse quickly ducked behind the couch, reaching into his jacket, as he pulled out his M1911 pistol. Taking a deep breath before peering over the couch, gripping his gun tightly.

The living room was entirely gone. The only thing remaining was the couch itself. Badger and Skinny Pete had vanished with no sign of them at all.

Jesse carefully slipped his gun back into his jacket as he scanned his surroundings. A sprawling apple orchard as far as the eye could see underneath a perfect blue sky. It was undoubtedly more green and lively than he was used to. The air smelt cleaner too, and he could hear songbirds as well.

Jesse approached one of the large trees that surrounded him, gently reaching his hand out to touch. Feeling the tree bark before he looked up to see the rich, plump apples dangling above him.

"....Badger, I'm going to kick your ass after I sober up...."