Living room full of Salt

by SoulstringsReburn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1018

Salt. A lot of it.

My friend kept joking about filling my living room with salt, so much so that I swore I'd write a story about it.

This was purely written because my my friend’s terrible joke.

Published 2023-01-09 05:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-09 05:20:00 UTC

Why is there so much salt?!

The sun rose from the horizon, the birds were chirping, and it was a beautiful day in Ponyville. It was a peaceful morning as the suns rays flooded through Twilight's window, promptly waking her up. She yawned and went downstairs, thinking that Spike had made breakfast. She forgot, however, that she promised the young drake a day off. Also unfortunately for Twilight, she ran into a different problem, very quickly. Everything was covered in Salt.

The purple book horse was taken aback. looking upon the central library, which was covered in a lot of salt. "SPIKE!" Twilight yelled in anger and confusion.

The footsteps of a very tiny, and clearly half asleep baby dragon could be heard approaching Twilight. "Twiliiiiight, you promised me I could sleep in todayyyy!" The baby dragon complained.

"Spike," the purple alicorn began in a not so patient tone, "why is EVERYTHING covered in salt!?"

The tired dragon looked around, now noticing the ungodly amount of salt on the floor, walls, and even ceiling, somehow. "I'm too tired for this," the dragon decided, clearly for the better, dragging himself back upstairs.

"SPIKE!" the enraged princess yelled after him, but to no avail, Spike was too tired to care.

Twilight looked back at the mess, "ugh, this will be a pain to clean up."

~Elsewhere~

"An' when I went downstairs, it wus jus' covered in salt."

Mayor Mare nodded, scribbling something furiously on a clipboard. "It just doesn't make sense, this is the fifth report we've gotten this week," Mayor Mare stated, "and it's only Tuesday!"

"Well," Applejack started, "I'd recon we could figure this thang out soon enough. In the mean time, I gotta get sum work done on the farm.

Mayor Mare took a deep breath, "I sure hope we do."

This was stressful. Everything about it was. Mayor Mare hated catastrophes, but this was something else. Some creature had been invading ponies' homes and have been filling them with salt. It was most troubling. How many creatures were working to do this? There was no way a single creature could be doing any of this, right? right?

Somewhere, in a secret hideout

Anon is your average human stranded in Equestria, lost and probably is never getting home. But he had found a new obsession. Salt, NaCl, Sodium Chloride. That’s right, it is all about salt.

Anon woke up, had breakfast, bushed his teeth, showered, got dressed, and got ready for the day. He exited his hideout by passing several security measures he had installed to make sure no meddling ponies got in. The entire place was in a cave, magic proof, and in the Everfree forest. He never knew why the locals were so afraid of it. None of the monsters ever payed Anon any mind. Walking out of the cave and on to the cliffside, Anon sat down on a lawn chair and admired the view of ponyville. His revenge against the ponies was going splendidly. After they burned down his house and ran him out of town, he's been filling everyone's houses with salt. The sheer confusion and terror filled him with glee. This was so much better than the cardboard box prank. Where does he get all of that salt, you ask? That's just his secret. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW! But soon, all of pony kind shall know SALT!

Anon had been spending months collecting all of the ancient magical artifacts from across the land. With their power, he will cover this world in salt, the perfect revenge! Anon was gleeful just thinking about it. He only needed one more. Although, he would feel bad doing it to Luna, his only real friend in this unfamiliar magic fantasy land.

Anon sighed as he prepared for departure.

Mayor Mare

Mayor Mare could barely be heard over the crowd that had shown up. It was as if nothing could save her from this.

"Calm down everypony," she tried to reason, "The situation regarding the salt incidents is being investigated, we have this under control." Unfortunately for her, those words fall upon the deaf ears of the superstitious inhabitants of Ponyville as they frantically yelled over her and over each other, negating any progress.

This was going nowhere. Mayor Mare was going to have to do something drastic. She had to say something so stupid that only this town would take it as truth. She cleared her throat, "Everypony! I believe we have found what has been causing this outbreak of salt!"

The crowd finally went silent.

Mayor Mare continued, "It is a punishment from the beyond. A punishment we have all received for kicking that poor human, Anonymous, out of our humble village for no reason other than superstition. I believe we must find him and bring him back to Ponyville to restore Balance!"

The crowd was still silent. At least, until one pony yelled, "OR MAYBE HE CURSED US!"

The crowd yelled in agreement with the pony, rounding up whatever makeshift weaponry they could, ready to hunt down this human. Unfortunately for them, it was too late. Anonymous had collected the final artifact. They could not stop the oncoming wrath of salt.

Canterlot

"Dearest Sister, could you pre-tell me where Anonymous has vanished to? It seems like he was simply erased from Ponyville and I am deeply concerned. Anonymous is a dear friend of mine, as you know."

Celestia stared in her sister's pleading eyes before sighing, "Lulu, you know how our little ponies are. They are scared of their own shadow and superstitious. Anon was most likely ran out of town, though you and I both know he is alive somewhere."

"Yes, I have seen his dreams, but the question is where?-"

In an instant, everything and everyone in the country of Equestria was covered entirely in salt. Anon only spared the Crystal empire, griffon empire, Changeling colony, and other life forms that were nice to him in the first place.

"Pleh," Luna spit salt out of her mouth.

"Well," Celestia began, "That answers what Anon has been doing these last few days."