Howling To The Moon

“Alright,” sighed Blitzo, already irritated with the meeting despite it had only started literally seconds ago, “Let’s go over a few things, yeah?”

The Imp scanned across the table, seeing the general state of his ‘professional’ employees. All of which but Moxxie were on their phones, and even then, his fellow Imp looked about as fed up as he did.

“Hey! Cocksuckers!” snapped Blitzo, slamming his hands against the already cracked table, “We’re having a fucking meeting here!”

Loona looked up from her phone before ever so slowly and carefully placing it on the table, crossing her arms as she gave her ‘father’ an unimpressed glare that screamed, ‘I have better things to do than listen to your shit heap.’

Millie quickly stuffed her phone away in her pocket before attentively listening to Blitzo resting her elbows on the table as she placed her head in her hands.

“Alright, that’s a lot better now.” sniffed Blitzo giving a firm nod as he walked over to the stained whiteboard. Quickly spraying it with a cleaner that came with it. Despite the fact the entire endeavor was futile, given the fact that board, in particular, more than likely had a stain from anything but excessive marker use.

After attempting to ‘clean’ the whiteboard, Blitzo began scribbling away before presenting his crude and hastily drawn picture of the 'family'.

“Today, we’ll be talking about employee respect. Now I know this company is a family, and family sometimes disagree with one another. But, it’s important to acknowledge the boundaries and privacy of one another.”

Silence.

“The fuck are all of you staring at me for!?” snapped Blitzo, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

Moxxie quickly answered, “Sir, you are the worst at respecting our boundaries and privacy! You practically stalk Millie and me nearly every day!”

“Yeah, and you use my specialty shampoo even though I left you notes and told you not to use it. Dick,” grumbled Loona.

Blitzo sighed, rubbing his temple with his index fingers, “Millie, do you have anything to add since apparently today is ‘be a dick to Blitzo day’?”

Millie shifted in her chair uncomfortably. Even she had limits when it came to Blitzo’s snooping, “Well…maaaybe you could be just a bit more considerate.” she answered lamely.

Blitzo sighed, “Guys, this is a meeting about EMPLOYEE respect, not about me. So….” he’d lamely gestured his hands toward the table.

The table collectively rolled their eyes before Millie and Moxxie turned to face Loona.

Moxxie gave Loona a smug smile that seemed to grow wider with each passing second. As if the Imp had waited an eternity for this moment.

Loona scowled at Moxxie crossing her arms, “Someone looks happy.” spat Loona.

Moxxie cleared his throat, reaching into his suit jacket before pulling out a slip of paper and reading glasses, “Well, first off, you openly mock and belittle me personally; you don’t flush the toilet, or clean up after yourself in general.”

He’d continue, “You call me fat, faxed me a weight loss program, eaten my lunch multiple times despite the fact I labeled it, and-”

“Alright, Moxxie, this is a board meeting, not an intervention.” interrupted Blitzo, turning to Loona; he excitedly clasped his hands together as he eyed his ‘daughter’ with an affectionate gaze.

Loona rolled her eyes before sighing, “Well, you-Mille Always- you just-ugh! You two clearly don’t respect me as a professional either!” gritted Loona, even she knew she was grasping at straws.

Millie did her best to mediate, giving the Hellhound a sympathetic smile, “Look, Loona, it’s not that we don’t respect yah or appreciate what you do. If you could just be a smidge nicer to everyone else. We wouldn’t have a problem.”

Loona opened her mouth to reply, “I-”

A sudden ringing sound echoed through the room as Blitzo reached into his breast pocket for his phone, “Hello, thank you for calling The Immediate Murder Professionals. Blitzo speaking.”

“...Uh huh….fucked your number one stallion? Yup, she’s a real cheating whore….yes sir, I completely agree with you the death penalty WAS excessive. You were just protecting your animals….mhm….yeah, we can meet-oh. You can just give us half of the money now and the other half after the kill….alright well, we’ll get right on that. Thank you for calling.”

Click.

Blitzo stuffed his phone back into his breast pocket before looking up at the table, “Alright, so apparently, we have to go to Kentucky and kill some bitch who fucked a horse.”

The table silently stared in disgust at Blitzo.

He chuckled, “Yeah, I know…” he quickly clapped his hands together, “Alright fuckers, you know the drill, Moxxie, Millie, get me some horse tranquilizers. Loonie, open a portal to the great incestuous state of Kentucky! ”

Millie excitedly clapped her hands as she bounced up from her seat, “Ouuu, I always wanted to see someone get shot with one of those! C’mon, Moxxie!” she said quickly, grabbing her husband’s hand and pulling him out of his seat and dragging him out of the room.

Loona sighed but did as she was told, getting up from her chair as she fetched the book from her desk in the lobby before returning. Loona quickly skimmed through the dozens of spells unknown to her. Really, the fact any of them could open portals was a miracle.

She’d wonder if it was possible to go to other places aside from the human world. Was there a way to travel universes? Given the fact this was some serious demon magic, it could be entirely possible, which terrified her at first. The first couple of times, she and the rest of the group had hidden behind tables and taken cover. But now, this once terrifying act had become nothing more than a mundane part of the job.

Loona peered up from the book, “Does an Equestrian Center in Knoxville work for you?”

Blitzo waved her off, “Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.”

Loona rolled her eyes, focusing her intent on opening a portal to The Equestria Center….wait.

The room thundered as it began to shake, as the book violently shook in Loona’s paws, causing her to toss the book on the table. Its pages flipped wildly as the book began levitating above the table and toward the ceiling.

“What the FUCK did you do!?” screamed Blitzo, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DONE!?”

“NO!? WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” screamed Loona.

“I DON’T KNOW, THAT’S WHY I WAS ASKING YOU!” shouted Blitzo.

A pentagram started to carve itself into the table, etching its way through the fine cherry wood before the large symbol glowed a crimson red.

Blitzo fell to his knees as he began to sob, pressing his hands to his face, “NOT THE TABLE, THAT WAS CHERRY WOOD!”

The book suddenly slammed itself shut, the room immediately stopped shaking as it fell to the ground making a dull thud once it fell onto the floor.

Blitzo slowly rose to his feet as he approached the table, seeing the massive portal placed right in the middle of the table. Suddenly he realized, where was Loona!? Terror clasped his heart like an iron chain as the Imp frantically looked around the meeting room.

“Loonie? Loona!? LOONA-”

“I’m right here, Blitzo,” Loona said calmly, pulling herself out from underneath the table. She’d approach the edge of the table where the portal was, making an effort not to look down.

“Have you looked inside yet?” asked Loona.

“Fuck no, I am absolutely terrified,” answered Blitzo.

There was a long pause.

“.....On three?” offered Blitzo.

Loona sighed, slowly nodding, “On three.”

“One, two, three!” the pair quickly peered over the table, looking inside the portal to see.

It was a large city inhabited by colorful little ponies. Going to and fro from their little jobs and living their lives. By all accounts, it was a fairly normal-looking metropolis, with the only thing of note aside from how unusually clean it was, and the fact there wasn’t a single homeless addict asking for change.

Blitzo’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, “Oh my God…it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

“Blitzo…” She looked up at the Imp, her expression, and tone filled with concern, “What’s with the look?”

“It’s just…the best thing I’d ever fucking seen in my life! Fuck killing some whore. I’m going in here!”

“Blitzo!”

Blitzo quickly jumped into the portal. “Sorry honey, daddy’s gotta play with little horsies!”

Loona instinctively reached to grab her boss, just barely missing him in her clutches, “God damn it…” grumbled the Hellhound.

She’d quickly look around for something to write on, running over to the whiteboard before scribbling a message for Moxxie and Millie.

“Blitzo went into a weird portal, went to go get him- Loona.”

She’d dig her claws into her palms before taking a deep breath and stepping through the portal.

Being the Princess of the Night doesn’t exactly leave time for socialization. Her highness would rise with the moon and tuck herself into bed around the crack of dawn. Aside from a few holidays and her bat ponies, Luna didn’t really know her subjects that well.

All of that had changed when she returned from her exile. Equestria had changed since her thousand years of isolation. But, she was grateful that at least one place in Equestria always had some pony to talk to no matter what time of the day, Manehattan.

Luna had a personal suite that her sister had given her among the high rises with personalized servants and accommodations, of course. But she could’ve been given a small apartment in the slums, and she would’ve been satisfied. Being this close to her subjects like this brought her an amount of joy and satisfaction unparallel.

But something was missing, a scratch that couldn’t be reached with luxury or servitude. At first, she thought it was loneliness, which was true at first, but after making plenty of friends and acquaintances within the city itself from ponies of all trots of life. Luna realized that while friendship and comradery were good….she just needed somepony to love...

Who was she kidding? Dressing up her lust and hunger as some sort of romantic pursuit or noble cause. She just wanted somepony to fuck around with for a night. It’s not like she was going to have somepony for the night. Might as well be honest...

Luna sighed before walking through the suite’s living room, sliding the door to the balcony open before taking in the view of the city to clear her thoughts. But something was…different…was that smoke she smelt?

She looked around the city and saw the natural orangish hue of fire practically engulf the streets of downtown Manehattan as thick black smoke clouded the sky. Luna quickly dove off the balcony and spread her wings to take flight.

“Just let me fucking hold you!” whined Blitzo as he struggled against Loona’s chokehold, desperately trying to grab the fleeing and screaming ponies.

Loona tightened her grip around Blitzos neck, trying to subdue the Imp, “Jesus Christ, Blitzo; you managed to set half the street on fire, and you’ve only been here for ten minutes!”

Blitzo gagged, squirming wildly before jabbing his elbow into Loona’s stomach, forcing the Hellhound to drop him, “Sorry honey, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!” he'd narrow his eyes at an adorable looking filly fleeing the scene with her mother, gritting his teeth, "And I'm going to take it..."

Loona gripped her stomach as she looked down at her adoptive father with an expression of genuine concern and fear.

“Freeze!” shouted the police chief, hiding behind a wrecked vendor cart with some of his deputies, “Put your claws and paws in the air!”

Blitzo clasped his hands together as he fawned, “Awwww, look at the whittle stallion and his powice ponies!”

"Don't mock the MPD!" snapped the police chief, his eyes widening in fear, "Ma'am, put down the post box!"

Blitzo looked over at Loona, raising his brow, "Loonie what are you doing-"

Loona smashed the post box over Blitzo’s head. Leaving a massive dent in it and knocking Blitzo out before dropping the post box and slinging the Imp over her shoulder and fleeing the scene, darting into a nearby alley, “Sorry dad.”

“After them!” shouted the police chief.