"This is Spur-Tack!" (300 + 1)
A line of creatures walked side by side, advancing into a grassy field. Each pony used her excellent friendship skills to side-hug in two directions at once, forelimbs holding on tightly to the ponies beside her.
Each pony's mouth held up a shield, the handle gripped in strong jaws.
Behind the frontmost line, two more rows of ponies also carried shields and weapons.
The griffons on the other side? They were better at grumbling than at working together. They flapped their wings and flew over the ponies, but the ponies behind the phalanx's front rank simply lifted their shields to protect the group. When the griffon overflight dropped rocks and other debris, the projectiles bounced harmlessly off.
Near the pony army's left edge, a gray stormcloud flashed menacingly. Goofy looking pegasi with mismatched eyes jumped up and down on the cloud, their tongues flapping in the breeze. A moment later, lightning erupted, tracing zigzag, branching paths through much of the griffons' air infantry.
The griffon army broke, turning tail to flee. Rubber-tipped spears and arrows flew upward from the pony phalanx on the ground, and arced from cloudtops on either side. As the disorderly griffon army retreated, they shouted with bruised tails and embarrassment.
Among the ponies on the ground, in the third rank of hopponylites, a yellow pegasus with a long pink mane and tail cheered, "Yay."
On the battlefield, one griffon remained. A lightning strike had burned up her right wing's flight feathers, and her other wing's ulna had broken when she plummeted to the ground.
Her name was Gilda.
***
Pony campsites were scattered across the field, with tents and campfires. Many ponies toasted marshmallows on sticks, and sang friendship songs. The camp was rife with hugging and friendly compliments.
Gilda rolled her eyes. "WHATever," she said. "You ponies sure are annoying."
Rainbow Dash laughed. "I think you mean AWESOME. Because we sure kicked YOUR tails."
"You just got lucky. But in the long run, there's no way you can win the war. You ponies are soft and weak." Gilda's lightning-struck wing touched the sling and cast that held up her other. "You even bandaged your enemy's hurt wings! How foolish is that?"
Dash's friend Fluttershy said softly, "It isn't foolish. It's friendship."
Dash nodded. "Friendship is the strength of the poneis."
Gilda snorted. "I think you mean POLIS. Like a metroPOLIS, a city."
"No," Dash disagreed, "I'm pretty sure I mean PONEIS. The word comes from Fleecian. It means a community that governs itself through friendship."
Gilda guffawed. "You want to be strong warriors, and you try to learn courage from SHEEP?"
"Don't say mean things about sheep," Fluttershy chided. "Some of my best friends are sheep."
Gilda said, "Some taste in friends."
Dash grinned. "Some AWESOME taste in friends. See again, how we beat you."
Gilda grumbled quietly.
Fluttershy held out a very long stick with a melted mess on the end. "S'more?" she asked the griffon.
***
Gilda stared at the group of foals who had walked onto the field, an orderly double line following an earth pony mare. "Now this," the mare said, "is a griffon. They have sharp beaks, and claws on their feet...but those weapons are still no match for the power of FRIENDSHIP."
With one talon, Gilda scratched at an itch under her sling. "Give me a break."
The earth pony teacher smiled. "Can anyfoal tell me why Spur-Tack's armies are so strong, class? Anyfoal at all?"
A short unicorn colt raised a hoof. "It's because...friendship is the strongest thing in the world. It can beat anything."
The mare replied, "That's true...but...can anypony tell me anything more?"
Another little foal raised a hoof. "It's because when we're small, we're taken from our families to be raised in agoges, which are fellowships of friendship. In a family...sometimes ponies are different, and sometimes they don't get some parts of friendship quite right. But in the agoge, our way of life is more organized and regimented. Every hour of our lives gives us the best possible friendship education and practice. So by the time we grow up to be mares and stallions, we're unstoppable. We're literally the best at friendship."
The mare smiled. "Very good, Clearstone Tiara." She pointed at the griffon prisoner. "Maybe even this griffon will learn from our explanations and our example, and become our true friend. Wouldn't that be wonderful?"
Gilda grumbled, "What would be wonderful is when I heal so I can kick all your flanks."
"What was that, dear?" the pony teacher asked. "Did I hear you say you want to plant your little toesies right between the three flowers of my cutie mark?" She turned her hindquarters towards the griffon, displaying powerful bucking muscles that could shove two hooves right through nearly any obstacle.
"It was nothing," the griffon muttered. "Never mind."
***
Gilda lay on an opened sleeping bag, looking up at the stars. "So," she remarked, "you ponies really believe this stuff?"
"Sure," Dash said, laying on the grass beside her. "Ponies didn't used to take friendship so seriously, but ever since Starlight Glimmer won a throne and showed us the proper way to help ponies live together...we know better. That's why no creatures in the world can stand against us."
Gilda shook her head. "That's another thing about you ponies I don't get. Any sensible kingdom has ONE king, or ONE queen, and makes sure you know who's in charge. But you ponies always have at least TWO royals. How can you know who to follow and obey, with TWO different ponies telling you what to do? It's crazy."
"I know it might seem crazy to other creatures," Dash said. "But we have the power of friendship. If two royals are good enough friends, that helps them cooperate instead of fighting each other. If Princess Celestia is in one part of Spur-Tack, and Princess Glimmer is somewhere else, being good friends still helps each one know what the other would probably want.
"And here's another thing," Dash added. "A one-royal kingdom is vulnerable, because if something happens to that ONE ruler...it's like a game of chess, the whole country can go down. But we have TWO royals, so if you capture or hurt ONE princess...that just makes the other princess mad at you. And then she gets even. Imagine playing a game of chess, and one side has ONE king, and the other side has TWO kings...and each king is as strong as a queen, because our princesses are VERY strong at magic. Which side would you rather be, the side with ONE, or with TWO who work together to help each other?"
"Chess is a game for dorks," Gilda said. "It isn't real life."
"Sure," Rainbow Dash said. "It isn't real life. But in real life, friendship is still the strongest of all."
***
One dark night several weeks later, when she thought the guards had become used to expecting her not to make any trouble, Gilda crept into some tall grass, and through some bushes, moving slowly and silently as she could.
When she thought she was far enough from the camp not to be spotted, she stood up and ran. Her scorched wing's new feathers hadn't yet grown in fully enough to fly, but her legs worked well enough.
A month later, after many adventures, she arrived in Griffonia. Guards took her to the fortress of General Gust, where Gilda was marched in front of the general himself. He was flanked by high ranking officers, and clerks taking notes with clipboard and quill.
When Gilda saluted the general, he stood and saluted her back. "I understand you survived the Battle of Lavender Plain," he said. "Many griffons fled, but you alone held your place on the field. Tell me about it."
Gilda didn't want to lie about her courage, or her fighting prowess. If she did, she thought, she was sure to be caught out sooner or later. "I didn't have a choice. I was in the front of our army, and a lightning strike burned my right wing's feathers to a crisp. All I could do was fall out of the sky. And if I'd tried to run away...I hit the ground so hard, I could hardly even walk. I didn't want to surrender, but..." She shrugged. "Ponies grabbed me from every side, and overpowered me while I was too hurt to resist."
The general looked her in the eyes, unsmiling. "Is that so?"
"Yes, sir," She saluted again. "I'm sorry, sir."
"You were captured...but that was more through courage than from cowardice. The ponies held you for a time...but I suppose I can't fault you for waiting to make your escape, until you were well enough healed to make the journey." He nodded. "Yes, you did well enough. I congratulate you, Private Gilda."
"Thank you, sir," She took a deep breath. "Sir...while I was in the ponies' camp, I...tried to gather information. About the ponies' strengths and weaknesses. About their methods and strategies."
Gust's eyes lit with desire. "Their strategies? Do you have information about where they plan to attack us next? About their troop dispositions? About their alliances and other resources?"
"Well..." Gilda said nervously, "I watched some of their training, and heard an instructor talk about how to build the strongest fighting forces in the world."
"An instructor?" Gust's eyebrows quirked. "A drill sergeant, perhaps?"
Gilda blushed. "No, sir. I think she was an elementary school teacher. In what the ponies call an agoge! They teach friendship, and teamwork, and--"
Gust made a cutting gesture with one wing. "I see another of our soldiers has survived capture by the ponies...only to be driven mad by pony brainwashing. Learn military tactics from an elementary school teacher?" He laughed. "Take her to the dungeon for insane griffons...where she won't be allowed to spread pony propaganda to others."
The guards flanking Gilda saluted, and dragged her away.
