Anthropophobia
Ch.1 Anthropophobia
I haven't talked about my best friend ever since the incident. I still sometimes get nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night. He didn't deserve it, if anything it should have happened to me for the awful things I said to him. But, I guess you can't change the past no matter how much you want to.
You see, Rain saved my life, I loved him as if he were the brother I never had. We had so much in common with each other it was almost as if we were the same ponies. Yep, Rain was a one of a kind friend, finding the needle in the haystack didn't even begin to describe how lucky you would be to find a pony like this.
*Sigh* I miss him.. I miss him so much.
I first met Rain in Ponyville PreSchool.. Well, I should really say when I first saw him. He was a gray pony with jet black hair, but his bright blue eyes contrasted strongly. He would always sit in the corner of the classroom by himself, trying to avoid attention. Everypony thought he was a little weird because he would have conversations with imaginary friends. Whenever somepony would walk up to him and ask "Hey who you talking to?" He would get mad and yell "QUIT IT QUIT IT MY FRIENDS ARE TALKING!!!" He made a few ponies cry from how much offense he took from being interrupted in his imaginary conversations.
He was sent to the principal's office for making a little filly cry from yelling at her. I was terrified of Rain, I wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. Whenever he got called into the office I felt relief, it was a good day whenever Rain had to leave the class. He was checked out a lot by his dad too, it made me a little jealous though. I hated school, I hated having to listen to the teachers go on and on about how important personal hygiene was or how it was important to get nutrients out of the main food groups. But what I hated the most was when we paired up into groups.
One day, the teacher seemed to get some bright idea to pair us up based on our personalities. We were given a survey to fill out, it had questions that read
What are your hobbies?
Do you enjoy making friends and talking to ponies?
What are your favorite snacks to eat?
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
What are you scared of?
What do you enjoy most in the world?
I started writing down my answers.
Being by myself listening to music or reading.
No I hate making friends and I hate talking to ponies too.
I eat whatever my parents make for me if I don't, I starve.
No I'm an only child.
I'm scared of Rain.
Nothing.
When I got done writing I had finished before everypony else did. I handed in my paper to Miss Cherlilee, she just smiled and said "Thanks Jade, now go back to your seat and read until everpony else finishes and we will start the lesson." I just rolled my eyes and snorted as I went back to my desk. When everybody had passed in their papers, The teacher started writing a few notes then, immediately got up from her desk. "Ok everypony it's time to get into our groups. I've written down each of your partners based on the answers you've given me and I will now pass out the results to each of you."
She passed out a few papers to a couple of the fillies up front who cheered "Yay we got paired up!" when they received their papers. Typical, I just wanted to be in my own group by myself. The teacher passed out a paper to me and when I saw what was written on it I was outraged.
I know you hate Rain but it would mean a lot if you tried to be his friend. He has no one to talk to and is shy and who knows? Maybe you will end up being best friends :).
I got up from my desk and shouted "I WILL NEVER BE HIS FRIEND!!!" Pointing my hoof directly at Rain. I immediately got terrified because I thought he was going to yell at me or beat me up. Instead what I saw was the complete opposite, he looked sad and looked down at the floor, tears started coming down his eyes as he started sobbing and heaved steadily. The teacher looked at me with disappointment on her. "Jade go to the principals office."
I was relieved when I went to school the next day. My dad chewed me out after being sent home and my mom didn't even look at me. It's not like a care what they think though, I don't want anything to do with Rain. I sat in my desk bored, waiting for these assignments that the teacher was going to pass out to us. But, something else was going to happen today that was going to change my life forever.
"Ok class, everypony back into the groups that you were in yesterday."
What? We were still doing that stupid assignment? "Miss Cherlilee? I don't have a partner. I guess I'm going to have to skip this one." I said with sarcasm. The teacher gave me a mad look. "Your being grouped with Rain just like yesterday now get with it!" She said it firmly enough that I didn't argue back.
I approached Rain cautiously, afraid he was mad about yesterday. Instead he still wore a sad expression, he didn't even look at me. I sat across from him, I stared wondering if he really did have feelings. "Please stop staring at me your scaring me a little." I was shocked when he said this. Rain, a crazy pony who yelled at others and made fillies cry, was afraid of me staring at him.
"Please stop.. Please." Tears were starting to form again.
"No No don't cry I'm.. I'm sorry about yesterday. I just thought you were a scary bully who liked picking on other ponies."
He looked at me surprised. "Huh?.. Oh umm no.. I'm just afraid of umm.. The girls here that's all." He looked down again red covering his face. I didn't know what to say, all this time what I thought of Rain was completely off. He was just shy and had trouble talking to ponies.
The teacher passed out our papers to us. It was the same survey from yesterday, only I received Rain's copy and I saw he was getting mine.
"Alright class same thing as yesterday, I want each of you to talk about yourselves for the rest of the class and try to make a new friend today. Friendship is very important in life. A friend is someone who is willing to stand by your side when your in trouble. A friend is someone who cares for you and not for the things you have. A friend will help you overcome obstacles and make sure you don't stray from the right path. I would like all of you to have at least one friend to help you through school.. And for the rest of your life."
When Miss Cherlilee said this the speech stuck with me even to this day. I read some of Rain's answers.
What are your hobbies?
I like talking to my imaginary friends, they tell me things that make me feel good about myself.
Do you enjoy making friends and talking to ponies?
It's hard to make friends.. Nobody likes me because nobody understands how hard it is for me. The only time I can be myself is when my Dad can afford my medicine. It's hard living in a broken down house with Dad.
What are your favorite snacks to eat?
I like PB&J and Cauliflower sandwiches Yum.
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
No I'm an only child and my Dad tells me that ever since I was born he wouldn't be able to handle another kid. It made me sad but he still didn't care.
What are you scared of?
Almost everything. Bugs, Girls, Small Spaces, Heights. My Dad told me it's normal because I have Paranoia Schizophrenia.
What do you enjoy most in the world?
Well.. I would enjoy a pony friend to talk to. Someone to tell all my secrets and to have fun with everyday besides my other imaginary friends. We would do so much together, Biking, Hiking, well actually I'm afraid of those things but if I had a friend I think I would be able to do them.
I put the paper down and looked at Rain. He was looking away and had red on his face. He started to speak in a little quiet voice
.
"It's ok if you don't want to be my friend, I saw you didn't like to talk to other ponies and that your scared of me.. I'm.. I'm sorry if I really am scary I don't mean to be."
"No No No.. Really it's fine.. Umm what's this word you put here Paranoia Schizophrenia?"
I tried saying the word but it was hard to pronounce.
"I actually needed the teacher to help me spell it." He let out a little chuckle. "I don't really know what it means to be honest. My Dad just tells me I have it, then I go into my room and talk to my imaginary friends."
"Oh ok then.." I thought for a moment and then smiled at Rain. "You know what I've decided. Today you are my new best friend forever what do you think?"
Rain stared at me. Then, he began to smile tears forming in his eyes.
"Whoa I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry."
"No No.. *sniff* It's just that it's what I've always wanted.. A best friend forever."
He wiped the tears out of his eyes and smiled. From then on we were the best of friends. We walked to school together, we ate lunch together, we played together all day after school. Rain was the greatest friend a pony could ever have. You could tell him all your secrets and he wouldn't tell a soul. He always tried to share some of his lunch money with me but I would always refuse and say it's ok, that my parents gave me some. I guess he thought money was hard to come by considering the way he was raised.
Yep, Rain was an amazing friend, it's hard to imagine why things ended up the way they did.
He didn't deserve the fate he got.
One day after school I decided to play with his weird imaginary friends.
"Hey Rain are your imaginary friends here?"
"No Jade I took my medicine so they will be gone for awhile."
I looked at him confused. But then decided something else.
"Ok well I'll play with my imaginary friend.. Ha Ha he just told the funniest joke."
It was Rain's turn to look at me confused.
"Jade I don't hear anything. Are you sure you have an imaginary friend?"
I just looked at Rain trying to figure out if it was some sort of joke.
"Rain imaginary friends aren't supposed to talk. You just make up what they say and joke with your real friends about them."
Rain looked at me with anger for the first time, I was shocked.
"They are real and they do talk, they ask me how my day went and what grades I made! They are good friends of mine and I don't like you saying that they aren't real!"
"Ok Rain I'm sorry."
Rain forgave me. For the rest of the day our conversations were short. We still sat next to each other throughout school but I didn't know what to say or how to respond to him. I told him goodbye when school ended and that I needed to be at home cause my parents wanted to talk to me. I went home and saw my parents in the living room.
"Mom, Dad, whats Pa-Pa-.. Umm? Paaaraanooa Skeeezooofreeeenaaa?"
I had trouble pronouncing it but my parents understood what I was saying judging by the concerned looks on their faces.
"Why do you ask son?" My father said.
"Well, my best friend at school tells me he has it and that he has imaginary friends.. But he said that they actually talk to him and ask him how his day was and everything.. I was just asking because he got kind of mad when I told them that they weren't real."
My parents both looked at each other. Then mom whispered something in dad's ear while looking at me. Dad nodded at her.
"Son I don't think you should be hanging around this friend of yours anymore."
I looked at dad with fear at the thought of never seeing my friend again. It made me mad and so I yelled at him.
"BUT DAD HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!!"
"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME!!!" He yelled and I started to cry. He calmed down a little
"Son, this kid that your friends with is not normal. He's just not the kind of kid you should be hanging around. Now I love you son, and I just want you to be safe. So your not allowed to see him anymore."
I looked at my dad with anger and tears flowing down my eyes.
"Fine! I'm just going to run away to Rain's house and never come back!"
I took off out the front door. My parents were yelling for me to come back and took off after me. I quickly cut a corner through a hole in a fence into somepony's backyard. I kept galloping and headed towards Rain's house.
I understood why my parents did what they did. They loved me more than anything in the world and just had my best interests in mind. In fact, looking back at it all now, I realize they knew what they were talking about. They knew that I would suffer the pain of having a friend with a mental illness. They knew that it would change me and I would have less of a childhood. But I still wouldn't change a thing, Rain will always be my greatest friend.
I galloped hard to Rain's house. I noticed a lot of things when I reached the house and Rain was right.. The house was broken down.
Windows were smashed, paint was coming off, boards were missing, and the front lawn looked terrible with junk everywhere. It looked as if a bunch of homeless ponies took over the place and made it their official hangout.
I nervously went up to the front door. It was still evening so I figured that Rain's parents would still be awake. I knocked on the door and waited. It was a little while but the door opened only an inch. "What do you want?" Came a gruff voice from the inside.
"Hi." I said nervously. "Umm.. My name's Jade ummm.. I was wondering if I could play with Rain? I mean, if you don't mind that is."
The door opened up all the way and what I saw nearly scared me to death. I big, heavily built pony with a scar down one eye. He looked at me for a second and yelled "Rain! Your friend is here to play with you!" Then, he just slumped off into the house and sat on a chair. He was drinking a bottle with three x's on it.
I heard Rain come down the stairs quickly and he met me at the front door. He had a huge smile on his face. "Come upstairs Jade! I can't wait to introduce you to my friends." He grabbed my hoof and started dragging me up the stairs so fast I could barely keep from tripping and falling down. "Hang on not so fast Rain!" He ignored me and excitedly opened the door to his room.
I can only imagine what it was like to live in a household like that. A dad that didn't care whether you were dead or alive. A trashy household that nobody would ever want to live in. And, the room.. God the room.. Every time I think of what he had to go through in that room it makes me want to break down into tears.
His room was bare. There was absolutely nothing, no posters, no decorations, just a room with a bed and even then the bed was just a shoddy mattress with no blankets.
It was like a prison cell.
"Hey everyone I'd like you to meet my best friend Jade."
I didn't know what to say, I was still shocked from the fact that his room was nothing but a bed.
"Jade your acting rude say hello."
"Rain I don't hear any-"
"SAY HELLO!!!!"
Rain yelled at me and looked at me with a deranged sort of face that I won't forget even to this day.
"HELLO!" I replied quickly to avoid Rain getting mad at me.
Rain looked satisfied and looked back into his empty room with triumph.
"I know you have trouble hearing them so I'll tell you what they are saying."
I just looked at the room, I was starting to get scared. I was trying to fight back from crying.
"What.. No you won't do that.. No he's cool.. Of course he can be trusted he's my best friend.. Why are all of you getting so worked up.. That's because he's not used to hearing you."
I stared at my friend with dread. It seemed like he was actually talking to a group of people inside this empty space. I suddenly started growing terrified and tears were running down my cheeks. Rain noticed my sobbing, turned around, and looked at me with concern. "Hey what's wrong?" I turned around and took off down the stairs and out the house. Rain yelled after me "Wait I'm sorry. Did they say something to you? Please wait come back!"
I galloped into the darkness. I galloped hard thinking about Rain and his imaginary friends whom he actually believed to be real. Tears were running down my face at the thought of my best friend being insane. I galloped back to my house, my parents were already outside with a group of other ponies.
My mom and dad saw me, galloped towards me, and embraced me in a hug. All three of us cried.
"Oh my baby I thought we lost you!" Mom cried
"Mo-Mom Da-Da-Dad.." I tried to choke out. "There's... There's something wrong with Rain.." At this point I started wailing. "You have to help him Mom and Dad!! Please you have to help him!!" I cried out "PLEASE SOMEPONY HELP MY FRIEND!!!"
I cried more than I ever cried in a long time that night. That was my first run in with Rain's mental condition. For a while, I wanted to be a Doctor so I could cure Rain's illness but my dreams were shattered when I got older and realized that there would never be a cure for Rain no matter how much I wanted there to be.
I went to my room after apologizing to my parents. I didn't get in any trouble, they were just happy that I didn't get hurt. I went to sleep in my room, thinking about how Rain must have felt sleeping in his bed.
I cried myself to sleep.
The next day I went to school. Rain was there but he was looking down trying to avoid making eye contact. I clopped up to him and he immediately apologized.
"I'm sorry I'm really sorry if I scared yo-"
"No it's fine." I replied "I don't know it was actually kind of fun getting scared."
I gave a little wry smile, knowing full well it wasn't fun at all. It didn't seem like Rain was buying it either. He looked down again, getting depressed. I immediately got an idea, an idea that was going to change our lives, an idea that I would come to regret. But at that moment, the idea sounded like a good change of pace to take our minds off of what happened last night.
"You said in your paper that your afraid of a lot of things right?"
Rain looked at me confused
"Yeah because of.. Well you know.. Why?"
I looked at him with a smile
"Let's conquer our fears together."
