Why am I like this?
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Why am I here? Book 1

Why am I like this?

I’m just gonna say it right now that I don’t take this whole thing seriously, why you may ask? Well when you’ve died so many times, whether it be intentional or accidental and you keep on coming back with no consequence for it then why bother caring.

After all I’ve been doing this for from what I can remember for the past hundred years or so, maybe more than that well I don’t know because I’ve lost count.

And this isn’t a time loop I’ve been seeing the world around me change, to the point where pretty much anypony or Creature has a house to live in.

Honestly I’m glad for them cause in my lifetime I’ve been able to interact with hundreds, maybe thousands of Ponies and Creatures that are all unique to one another, heck I’ve been able to meet some famous faces every now and then with them never knowing it’s me they meet because it would’ve been years since I last met em.

But recently there was a new Alicorn Princess who’s name is Twilight Sparkle, she and her friends have accomplished many things together which is impressive, but now there are four Alicorns that I know will stick around for awhile before they eventually pass on.

After all what’s the point in even trying when I can’t die, because all it does is constantly remind me of how I am an immortal who cannot face death.

But back onto the topic of Twilight and her friends, I might as well give my opinion on them individually just so you can have an understanding of how i feel about em.

First is Rarity who is the local fashion designer of Ponyville, oh yeah that’s where I live. At first she seemed a lot more selfish and annoying but when you get to know her, she isn’t that bad to hang around with.

Second there’s Applejack the local farm pony who owns an Apple farm with her family, and they produce some of the best food and drink products ever to exist, she is honest and stubborn but all around is a nice gal.

Thirdly there’s Fluttershy the one I’ve known the least out of the six of them, she is shy and quiet most of the time avoiding eye contact with most but I do know she owns a lot of animals, and takes good care of them heck one of them is a bear, which reminds me of the time I got attacked by one… anyway she’s adorable.

Then you have Rainbow Dash who I’ve known the most because she is suspicious of me, like a lot to the point she thinks I have a plan to attack her loved ones or something, but I’ve never cared because what’s the point of it gets so boring but she is a good mare at heart and I respect that.

Next is Pinkie Pie who is the local Party Mare who thinks she knows me, but she doesn’t at all. Her hyper active nature at first was really annoying, but eventually I got over it to the point where whenever she talks to me really quickly, I can understand everything she says cause that’s skill for ya, but aside from that she’s cool.

Then finally you have Twilight Sparkle the newest Princess who is interesting to say the least, just a giant bubble of stress and never ending growth of the same lesson she learns, but when you get passed that she is a dork and funny unintentionally but adorable to watch unfold.

Honestly life for me is really the same, I do what I need to do, live life, eat, drink, sleep, maybe get a cut or two and then… that’s basically it just an ordinary fucking life for me.

But little did I know that talking back to a bitchy mare, would end up with me getting involved with a bunch of bullshit, that makes No sense.

So let me show you what happened on that day starting after this paragraph when it’s done being three long sentences.

It was the late afternoon and Pinkie Pie was hosting another party like usual, for who I didn’t care because I didn’t know their name.

I was of course invited after Pinkie gave me the invitation and I wasn’t going pass up going, because I had nothing more important to do that day cause all that happened, was that I sat down and read a book that had like over a thousand pages to sit through.

Anyway after arriving I sat down at a table by the corner minding my own business, as I watched all the other guests that came. There were a few familiar faces like the Mane six, which were the six Mares I mentioned earlier, the CMC, Dj Pon 3,
Octavia, Lyra and Bon Bon, etc.

Basically everypony in town, which included a Dragon who in my opinion didn’t get enough credit for what he does to help.

But if I were to say there was anypony I hated it would be Spoiled Rich, she was just an enormous bitch who came into existence acting like she owns the shit.

She treats anypony like me as a piece of trash and treats her own daughter horribly, in fact I don’t hate Diamond Tiara because she’s just been completely messed with in the head by her own mother, which I say for everypony is fucked.

And her husband is a pretty chill guy, me and him catch up every now and then to have a nice conversation. Talking about everyday life never really affecting anything around us, just two beings talking about their lives.

But somehow for some unknown reason, Pinkie decided to make the Fillies and Colts come over to me for story time cause the next thing I know, all of the children of Ponyville are sitting in front of me.

I stare at them looking up at Pinkie to see her wink at me, confirming my suspicion about why they were here.

But even though I was a little annoyed by her actions, I decided to just go with the flow anyway and I told a few simple stories that had life messages within them.

And they all seemed to be having a great time to where even some adults were listening as well, which made me smile a bit as it was making me feel like I was contributing to something.

But it all had to be ruined by the voice of somepony, who can’t have nice things happen at all when she’s around. “Diamond Tiara, what do you think you’re doing with the common filth!” We all turned to see Spoiled Rich staring us down more specifically me.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her bullshit today, so I just responded. “Oh she was just interested into my stories like all of the kids here, because they have more merit than you do.”

This caused gasps to fill the room from my response, I saw her face fill with rage which made me smile devilishly. “How dare you say such a thing to me! Do you know who you are talking to!”

I continued to smile as I had a plan devised to scare the living shit out of her. “Oh yeah I know who you are, known you for a long time. But I have a request can I get your autograph.” This cause many to look at me like I Lost my mind.

“Why would you ask that after being so rude to me?!” She asked annoyed.

But I continued to smile. “Oh no it’s very simple.” I pulled out a book from behind me and opened to a page. “Just sign right there.” I instructed tapping my hoof onto the word that was written on the page…Dead.

She started to sweat as everypony watched in hesitation. “Come on its very easy to do, just sign your signature.” I then added the cherry on top of the cake as I made the world’s most haunting whistle.

It was like tune of sorts that signified that I was here watching her waiting for my moment to strike, at this point she was terrified in fact her fur was fluffing up because of it and everypony saw it.

In fact everypony here had chills going down their spines because of how horrifying it was, even Rainbow Dash was scared and that was just amazing to me.

But before anything else could happen she ran off screaming loudly, making her way out the door. After a few seconds all faces turned to me as I continued to smile in her direction. “Can’t handle dark humour.” I turned my gaze away from her direction muttering a word under my breath. “Bitch.”

Most started to go back to partying but unfortunately for them, that whole moment with me scaring ‘Spoiled Bitch’ ended up causing the mood to decline greatly.

I do feel bad for basically killing the party quite literally, but she deserved it after treating me and everypony else like trash cause karma’s a bitch and it’s very painful.

But here’s the kicker out of all of that commotion, the whistle I performed can be amplified to where it can only be heard by one Pony if you choose to do so. Basically meaning that what all the other party guests saw, was what put them out of the happy mood.

But I went back to my house and slept in my bed, not caring about what I just did minutes prior. But fuck me for not being cautious, cause I was not ready for what happened the next day and let me tell you, it really, really sucked.

Author's Note

Hello there fellow readers, I was bored and then thought about this story while having a shower. About a Pony who can’t die beat all no matter what he does, so he spends all of his time being normal and messing with the locals.

Of course the story will have more emotional moments, but they aren’t the main focus as evident by the Comedy tag.

And if you couldn’t tell the whole sequence where Roy scares Spoiled Rich was inspired by Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, which I recommend you go watch as soon as you can cause it’s really good.

Last thing to mention is that this story won’t be updated at quick rate, cause I want to focus on the Sonic stories I have planned, but do know that I’ll most likely won’t abandon this story so don’t worry too much.

Anyway have a good day or night and I’ll talk to you all later.