Chapters Cell stood in the center of his arena out in the middle of nowhere - surprising, I know - his arms folded in front of his chest, his head facing forward and his eyes unblinking. It was silent in his arena - which he had done best to replicate the original, but even still, that one fucking tile was still green. Oh, how it irked him, how it irked him so! But he would bear with it, he wouldn't care about that very out of place and annoying green tile, as long as he gets a good fight out of his tournament, he would be okay.
...Who were the fighters of this planet? How capable are they? As much as he knew, there were only a handful of fighters that could move celestial objects while he could level them. Should he teach them to use Ki? Nah, that’d be stupid, he may be patient but he isn’t that patient. Although a thought crossed his mind, he felt like he was missing something. As if he forgot his keys, or rather his phone, no, what would be the right analogy to describe this feeling he had?
Cell blinked, as it all clicked into his mind. He forgot to make his announcement to the world of his plans for it. He groaned and slapped himself upside the head, “How dumb can I be? Well, at least this gives me more time to have some R&R before deciding in ten days to blow the whole planet sky high. Or should I say vacuum high? No, that doesn’t roll off the tongue that well… Abyss high? Space high? No, no…” The Perfect being began to ramble on as he began to think of a good replacement word for ‘sky’.
In the distance and on the trail to the Cell Games arena rode a wagon, pulling the wagon was a blue unicorn wearing a performer outfit. Stars littering her clothing as she walked towards the arena, confused. ‘Paths usually lead to towns, what the hay is this?’ The unicorn asked herself as she closed in on the arena, she pulled her wagon to the side as she got close enough and unhooked herself from it.
“No, no, the empty and devoid of life high? Damn it, I’m being moronic!” Cell exclaimed, crossing his arms. “Void high, that sounds somewhat good, but then again it sounds like a highschool for edgelords.”
“Excuse me, bug creature,” The unicorn began, only for the perfect being to ignore her.
“Abyssal Void high, oh my god, that’s edgy. Maybe I should just stick to sky high, but that’s boring!” Cell groaned.
“Excuse me! Trixie is talking to you!” Trixie yelled, causing Cell to turn to look at her with crossed arms.
“Did you just refer to yourself in third person?” He raised an eyebrow, to which Trixie huffed.
“Yes, Trixie did, it is to add flair to Trixie's alluring personality.” She scoffed, stroking her mane before it flapped in the wind, nearly taking off her magic hat.
“Uh huh, okay, and what’s with the hat? Are you some kind of magician?” Cell asked, to which Trixie nodded.
“Why of course, Trixie is, Trixie is the great and powerful, the greatest magician to ever live!” Trixie boasted, Cell just nodded, not really caring but hey, free entertainment.
“Oh really? Then show me a trick then,” Cell smirked.
“That’d be three bits, please.” Trixie said, taking out her hat and holding it out in front of her.
‘So much for the free entertainment,’ Cell shrugged before reaching a hand out in a random direction, Trixie tilted her head before three shining gold streaks of light managed to hit Cell’s palm. Closing his palm and opening it in front of himself he counted before tossing three bits into Trixie’s hat. “Show me some cool tricks, pony.”
Trixie’s mouth was agape, she had never seen such an intense mastery of telekinesis. Heck, this creature could possibly rival the princesses in terms of telekinesis, or might be on the same level as Twilight Sparkle. The girl snarled as the name popped up into her mind; Twilight Sparkle, that purple bookworm-ed bi-
“So, no tricks then?” Cell asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Trixie apologizes, Trixie shall perform right now.” The unicorn put the hat back on top of her head, her horn lit up as she levitated the green tile from the arena floors. Concentrating, she split it into pieces and formed little rock birds that flew around Cell, then combining into an earth pony, then switching into a small dragon, and then Perfect Cell himself. The stone split apart into several small pieces then twirled around the perfect being, then, they all lit up in a blue glow. Then, the fragments took off to the sky, forming a circle before splitting off and reforming back on the tile, and using her magic, she turned the green tile into a color that matched with the rest of the arena.
Cell was impressed. Not by the fancy tricks no, but the tile was no longer green, it was how it should be. He turned to Trixie and clapped his hands together, “Bravo, bravo indeed Trixie, I applaud you.”
“Tch, at least someone does.” Trixie said before she sat down, “Business hasn’t been the same since that damn Sparkle girl screwed Trixie over.”
‘How droll, a backstory.’ Cell thought to himself, before his inner Frieza spoke to him. ‘...I could use her.’ He cleared his throat, to interrupt Trixie. “Say, Trixie, wasn’t it?”
“Yes?” She replied.
“What if I teach you some tricks of mine so you can get revenge on this… Sparkle girl.” Cell said, causing Trixie’s eyes to light up, however, she was still cautious.
“And in return?” Trixie inquired.
“You teach me about this world and the fundamentals of it, because if you couldn’t tell, I’m more lost than a Majin in a Gym.” While Trixie couldn’t understand the funny words Cell said, she didn’t really care, all that matters was revenge. “Deal?”
“Deal.”
"...So, you're saying this world is populated by mythical creatures," Cell began, looking down at Trixie who was currently standing in front of him, glancing back with a confident gaze.
"Yes." Trixie confirmed. Cell rubbed his eyebrows – or where his eyebrows should be – then dropping his hand to Trixie.
"...And this land – Equestria – is specifically populated by horses who are ruled over by a diarchy... Who both can move celestial objects." When Cell finished, Trixie looked offended.
"Well, yes, but 'horses' is a bad word here, Mr. Perfect Cell." Trixie said, "The people of Equestria are ponies, not horses."
Cell turned away from Trixie and slapped his forehead, "Well, congratulations, Cell, you accidentally said a slur." He faced Trixie again, "Sorry, Trixie."
"Trixie accepts your apology." The blue unicorn gave him a nod, but as they were about to exchange words further, they were suddenly interrupted by a certain red dragon.
"I finally found you!" Garble exclaimed, pointing a claw at the perfect lifeform.
Cell raised a brow and turned to face the teenage drake. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" He inquired.
"You announced the 'Cell Games' to the world!" Garble looked annoyed and crossed his arms together. He tilted his head to the right, furrowing his brows. "Did ya forget, bug for brains?"
The perfect being raised his eyebrows, "Didn't I also announce that it would be in ten days?" As soon as the words came out of Cell's mouth, Garble stopped himself, a finger raised and his jaw slack. He rolled his eyes and turned to Trixie, "Teenagers, am I right?"
The blue unicorn merely shrugged her hooves in reply.
“Hm, I guess I can make an exception,” Cell closed his eyes and raised a hand to touch his neck, and twist his head left. Upon his head twisting he popped it and did the same when he tilted his head right. “Alright, Jake Long, let’s see what you can do.”
“My name isn’t Jake Long!” Garble hissed, flames oozing out of his maw, “It’s Garble!” He marched towards the steps and made his way onto the arena stage.
Cell raised a hand, revealing his palm, closing his palm into a fist and raising his index finger, he pointed at Trixie. “You, Tricky.”
“It’s Trixie!”
“Whatever,” Cell dismissed, “Step off the stage, I have to play with my pet lizard.” Feeling insulted, Garble growled, a vein popping out of his skull it was as if at any moment he could explode into a conniption fit.
Trixie rolled her eyes and trotted off stage, “Alright, Trixie will oblige, Trixie is rather interested to see what you can do.” She went over to her wagon and hopped inside to get a good spot to watch the fight.
Cell’s eyes were focused on Garble’s and analyzed his fighting stance that he had prepared. ‘Karate, hm, maybe this won’t be so bad after all…’ He noted mentally. “I assume you are aware of the rules, unless I’m mistaken.”
“Just beat each other up until the other is unconscious!” He raised a brow at Garble’s reply and shook his head with a chuckle.
“Oh, no, no, no, while that is correct, that is not the only rule. Rule number one,” He raised a finger, “There can only be two fighters in the ring at a time, which means no two on one, five on one, or a hundred on one combat, just mano-a-mano. Rule number two,” He raised a second finger, “You fight until you ring out the opponent by knocking them out of the ring, having them touch the floor, or otherwise. What you said was true, fight until they’re unable to fight. And yes, that includes killing your opponent.”
Upon hearing this, both Garble and Trixie made an audible gulp of fear.
“Since I am the creator of the Cell Games, I can change the rules however I want, whenever I want, and where I want. Do you understand, Garble ?” Cell taunted a smirk having made way onto his lips after seeing the look of fear on Garble’s face.
“Y–yes!” Declared Garble as he held his stance.
A pregnant pause emerged from the two of them and not even Trixie dared to break the silence. Cell shifted his footing and took upon a stance and Garble shuffled his body to shake off the nerves. The wind was the only thing that could be heard as Cell and Garble locked eyes…
…And then it happened.
Garbe shot off right towards Cell with a fist cocked and ready to fire, the perfect being stood a solid stance and waited for him to come near. As the young drake unleashed his fist, Cell caught the punch and pulled him close to deliver a knee to his abdomen that knocked him to the sky high, but not enough to be considered airborne. Cell planted his foot outside of Garble as he descended and performed a hook kick to the young drake’s jaw that blasted him off the arena, however quickly catching himself, Garble flared his wings to prevent himself from ringing out.
Garble clenched his fists and wiped what he assumed to be saliva running down his chin, but when he looked down, he was surprised to see it was crimson blood. With wide eyes, he looked back up and expected Cell to still be at the arena, but was surprised to see the perfect being right in front of him. He yelped and flew higher into the air.
“How can you fly? You’re not using your wings!” Garble exclaimed, looking down at the perfect being below him.
“Please, as if those wings could hold a candle to what I can do without them. Like this,” He rocketed off towards Garble and the teenage dragon flinched, but what came never hit him, when he opened his eyes, he saw Cell’s face inches away from his own. With an exclamation he delivers a punch to his perfect jawline that snapped his head back. Garble followed the attack up by coming down with a punch that aimed him down to the earth. Cell was about to hit the ground until he, much like Garble, caught himself before he made contact.
Seeing Cell right beneath him, Garble inhaled as much air as he could and… “RAAAAAAHH!” Unleashed a massive spew of fire came from his mouth and shot down towards Cell.
“Well this stinks,” Cell muttered a millisecond prior to the fire crashing into him and scorching him and the plains around him with blazing hot heat. A massive cloud of smoke filled the area Cell was hit, and the black smoke slowly climbed up to Garble’s nose where he inhaled the gas like he was getting high off of it.
“Do you smell that? Smells like roasted bug! I did it, I won!”
Trixie watched from afar with a hung jaw, the pony(?) that could have brought her revenge on Twilight Sparkle, just died. “Well… Trixie guesses that he wasn’t as strong as Trixie thought…” Right as she went to hop out of her wagon and hit the old dusty trail, she saw a figure in the smoke. “What the hay?”
Garble up above was laughing and dancing, “Garble, Garble, woop, woop! Garble, Garble, woop, woop!” He celebrated with a laugh, but then the laugh turned into a pain filled wheeze as Cell buried his fist right into the gut of the teenage drake. Not finished, he raised his fists above the noggin of the lizard with wings and brought them down like a sledgehammer that forced Garble to crash like a meteorite into the soil below. Garble gagged and coughed inside the smoke filled crater, all the while Perfect Cell watched him with crossed arms.
“You lost, ring out.” Cell noted as he descended to look at Garble in his eyes. Trixie watched as Cell descended and booked it as fast as she could to try and stop what she believed to be Garble’s demise.
“How…?” Wheezed the drake, “How did you…?”
Cell scoffed, “Please, I’m the perfect being, if I couldn’t handle the heat, then I would take off my crown.” He pointed to his head with a finger, before using the same finger to clear the smoke around them. “Get yourself cleaned up and leave, hopefully you learn something valuable in this lesson about fighting people stronger than you. Unless you don’t and come back on the day of the tournament, to which I welcome you with open arms to try again.” He turned away from Garble. “Goodbye, Garble the Dragon.” And like that he rocketed off towards the arena and got back in his position, blowing right past Trixie.
Trixie’s eyes widened and she spun to look at Cell who raised an eyebrow at her, “What are you doing all the way over there.”
She looked at him, then at Garble who was beginning to crawl out of the crater, and then back at Cell. “Uh… Trixie thought…” He raised another eyebrow. She eventually sighed and shook her head, “Nevermind.” She started to make her way over to Cell with an intrigued expression on her face.
Maybe this weird bug man wasn’t so bad at all.
Author's Note
Who should Cell fight next?
Cell stood out in the arena, his arms folded across his chest, waiting patiently for the Cell Games to begin. He remembered the day he announced it like it was yesterday – which it was. Wait, then how did that dragon kid show up that fast? Cell shook his head; those thoughts were trivial matters as he remembered the events that played out. He had remembered going to the biggest city Equestria had to offer: Manehatten. Like he did on Earth, he rose through the floors of a large building and made it to the news station.
Via using some of Kami’s magic, a little bit of psychokinesis, and dab of Ki, he managed to not only announce the games to any creature in front of a TV screen; but he was in the mind of every single mortal or immortal being on this moldy rock. A slight smirk managed to grace his face as he had remembered coming back to Trixie’s mouth agape. Ah, that was really funny. He didn’t know where he got his sense of humor, whether he got it from Son Goku, Frieza, or even Raditz of all people was up in the air. Nevertheless, the fact is that he found it funny. Very, very, very funny.
“Ahem, Mr. Perfect Cell?” He snapped back to reality and glanced over at Trixie who stood near her carriage, “You have another challenger.”
Cell turned to face her with a tilted head, “Really? Didn’t I specifically say ten days? I swore I did.” He turned back to where he once stood and found himself face to face with the driest pony in the world; Maud Pie. Cell jumped back and prepared a fighting stance, having not sensed her at all. “What the–”
“Hey,” Maud said, her eyelids half-open as her eyes lie upon the bio android. “I heard your announcement.”
Cell slowly went out of his stance, a bead of sweat rolling down his eyes; the pony had given him quite the scare. He had to be careful around this one, “Then you must have heard that the tournament is starting in ten days , not one, not two, ten .” Emphasized Cell.
Seeing the bug man having been surprised by this weird pony gave Trixie intrigue as her gaze switched between them. Maud blinked and glanced around, “This floor is made out of stone,” She noted, prodding at the arena floor. “How did you do it?”
Cell furrowed his brow, “Don’t change subjects, pony, if you want to fight me you’ll have to wait another few days.”
“I don’t want to fight you.” She answered, which brought both of the arena inhabitants to raise their brows.
“...Then why else are you here rather than duke it out with perfection? To try and carve your name in history by defeating the fearsome Perfect Cell?” Cell gestured to himself.
“I came to warn you,” Maud said flatly, “And also to tell you poetry about rocks,” She raised Boulder from her… Wait, how did she get that rock?
A pregnant pause filled the arena, and an audible slap could be heard as Trixie face-hoofed. Cell couldn’t help but stare at the Earth-Pony for a moment before a chuckle escaped his lips, and then, a laugh. His laughter filled the arena as he stopped tensing up completely.
“Poetry?” Cell shook his head, “By all means, I implore you to tell me your poems. After all, it’s not as if there’s anything else to do in this godforsaken land other than to count to a hundred and back down in my head!”
Taking incentive, Maud walked over to him and cleared her throat.
“Rock. You are a rock…”
Cell wanted to kill himself.
Yup, it was that boring.
He genuinely wanted to kill himself. Trixie had headed back into her carriage a long time ago, tired of hearing all of Maud’s poems about rocks, sediment, or any other mineral there was. Some of her poetry were clever, but a majority of them were boring. He wouldn’t even read these poems if it could save his life, Hell, just because of those poems, he might just blow up the planet right now.
“So, what did you think?” Maud droned, the perfect being in response just glared daggers at the pony.
“Get the fuck off my arena,” He glowered as he flexed his ki, causing the earth beneath the two to shake. In response, Maud wordlessly turned around and started to walk, seemingly obliging, but before she could walk off, she paused.
“I almost forgot to warn you, Cell,” She turned to face Cell, who still held a frown on his face.
“Warn me about what exactly?” Scoffed Cell, “You telling me another lackluster poem?”
“No,” Maud shook her head, “You’re going to die.” Her face and voice did a complete 180, her voice sounding like it had emotion and her eyebrows furrowing. The sight of her using another expression made Cell drop his frown and brought him to wear a face of sheer surprise.
“Oh, so you can change faces, good to know!” Cell said, completely unfazed by what she had told him, “Your death threats are as shallow as a spoon and your poems as sharp as a rubber ball. What you’re saying is effectively impossible, pony, I alone have the power to level this solar system with one blast from my palms! So, do me a favor, Maud, when you go back to your town, city, your damn stable…” Cell’s frown returned, “Tell them you’re lucky you made it back alive.”
The two of them locked eyes like bulls, none of them breaking it for a hot minute. The minute seemed to stretch into an hour – or at least to Cell, even looking at her made him want to yawn. Eventually, Maud nodded her head and twirled around to trot off and away from the arena. As she was leaving, Cell kept his glare on Maud until her form disappeared over a hill.
He sighed.
“...Rocks. Damn it, why am I saying it now?!”
