Sweet Lemonade

by Pink Rocket

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1980

"I'm trying to save this friendship! Now drink my pee, Twilight! Drink my pee!!"

When Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle's friendship starts to falter, Pinkie Pie suggests a few ideas to bring back the excitement in their friendship.

Published 2012-10-15 12:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-15 12:50:01 UTC

A Chapter

"Twilight..."

It was only a whisper, but it was enough to catch Twilight's attention and remove her from the engagement of her book...

It had been a nice day of reading at the park and the sun was getting ready to set. Twilight Sparkle looked up from her book and stared at the pink earth pony, who looked back at her with mournful eyes. Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to speak but stopped, turning her gaze to the setting sun. Twilight kept her eyes on Pinkie Pie for a few seconds, before slowly returning her gaze towards the pages of her book.

Back to the joyous occasion of reading, Twilight thought as she picked up where she'd left off, trying her best not to let those tiny squeals and whimpers that gradually grew louder in the background, disturb her. Unfortunately, that was an impossible task when those squeals and whimpers seized to be tiny and were practically shouted towards Twilight's direction.

"Are you crying?" Twilight asked indecisively as she observed Pinkie who were forcing sad and wavering frown.

Pinkie Pie let out a sigh and rolled her eyes disappointingly, "No, I'm not crying, Twilight! I'm about to cry. I'm pre-cry!"

"Why?"

Pinkie looked away for a moment, pouting, before a sad and concerned expression overtook her face. She kept staring at the ground for a moment before looking back up at Twilight.

"Twilight..." Pinkie began, "You and me have been friends for years...and I feel like our friendship has lost 'the magic and mystery' that it once had."

"...The magic and mystery?"

"Yeah!" Pinkie smiled, "When you and me first met each other, it was like... Woah!" Pinkie suddenly did a take as a massive invisible fist, sucker-punch her in the face, demonstrating the incredible impact of the first time they've met. "It was amazing!" Pinkie continued. "You and me would sit here. Right here! In this park! Right next to each other...and spend all day together. Just you and me."

Twilight stared in silence at her friend wondering if the last ounce of brain cells in Pinkie's head had finally packed up and left, "...You do realize that's exactly what we're doing right now?"

"Yeah, but it got old, Twilight! You're a one trick pony! This is all you wanna do!" Pinkie exclaimed in frustration. "It's time to add some excitement into our friendship! To keep it fresh!"

Twilight was taken aback by Pinkie's sudden outburst, but slowly began to nod as she ponder Pinkie's statement. A moment of silence grew between the two friends, until Pinkie Pie suddenly lit up in excitement, "Hey! You should jerk off in front of me!"

"Wait- what?!"

"Yeah! Just spread your legs and clop away!" Pinkie reiterated, gleefully.

"No!" Twilight exclaimed, giving her friend a crazed look.

"Yeah!"

"No!"

"Come on!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"It'll be interesting!" Pinkie exclaimed, waving her arms in excitement.

"That does not sound interesting!"

Pinkie's face suddenly grew long as she moved her question mark of a face closer to Twilight, "...Have you ever done it with anypony else?" Pinkie Pie asked cautiously.

"...No," Twilight replied as she withdrew her face from Pinkie's invading presence.

"Then how do you know you're not gonna like it?" Pinkie smirked seductively at her friend.

"I-I am almost one-hundred percent positive that I would not enjoy that!"

"Here, I tell you what... I'll jerk off, while watching you jerk off. We can jerk off together!"

"No! I am not gonna masturbate in front of you, Pinkie!" Twilight shouted and closed her book as she began to swiftly canter away from the park.

"Hey, where are you going?" Pinkie asked in confusion as she watched her friend unexpectedly take her leave, "Clop with me, Twilight! Clop with me!" Pinkie yelled out as Twilight moved faster out of sight, escaping to the safety of her home.

The sun was set and Twilight had returned to her studies in the dusk of the evening. Having calmed herself down from today's earlier scene, her focused had returned. No more interruptions! She thought to herself while doing her best to ignore the mysterious knocking sound, coming from her front door.

"Knock-Knock!" Pinkie Pie said before inviting herself into Twilight's home, "Anybody home?"

"...What do you want, Pinkie?" Twilight frowned, giving her friend an irascible look.

"Just checking up on my bestest friend! You seemed a little upset when you left the park earlier, so I thought I come here to cheer you up!"

Twilight did nothing but glare at Pinkie Pie, who's smile had no intention of losing it's optimism.

"Here, I brought you something!" Pinkie exclaimed brightly, carrying out two glasses from behind her head, putting them on the table next to Twilight's quill and paper. Twilight looked at the two beverages who's misty yellow liquid glowed in the surrounding candlelight.

"Thank you," Twilight said, dropping her guard as Pinkie sat down beside her friend.

"What are you doing?" Pinkie asked with happy curiosity.

"...Studying," Twilight replied, trying to ignore Pinkie's neck-breathing presence. Pinkie nodded at the statement looking over Twilight's books and papers that lied spread across the table.

"You're not gonna say anything about my new hairdo?" Pinkie asked after a few moments passing.

"That's a new hairdo?"

"Yeah! You like it?" Pinkie asked, turning her head to better show off her new mane-style that looked exactly the same as before.

"Yeah, it's nice. I like it," Twilight replied out of courtesy and picked up one of the beverages putting her lips to the rim of the glass. She casually begun sipping it's content for a brief half of a second before quickly returning it down to the table. Twilight snorted in disgust as she accidentally swallowed a minuscule of the beverage, not quite seeming to enjoy it's salty and acid-like taste, "Oh my god! What is that?!"

"You're drinking my pee!"

"Oh my god, Pinkie! What the hay's wrong with you?!" Twilight cried out as she begun quickly scraping her tongue with her hooves.

"I'm trying to save this friendship!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, "Now drink my pee! Drink my pee!!"

"I am not gonna drink your pee, Pinkie! Are you out of your damn mind?!"

"Twilight, if you care about this friendship, you will chug that large glass of urine, right now," Pinkie said with a rigorous tone, "And don't let it dribble out of your mouth! That's cheating! I want you to swallow all of it."

"No, Pinkie—"

"Can I... Can I drink your pee?" Pinkie nervously asked, interrupting Twilight's agonizing cry of hysteria.

"No!" Twilight frantically retorted. "I don't want you to drink my pee! Okay, Pinkie?!"

Pinkie sunk down as a red tint began to cover her face, "Twilight, I... I have been secretly drinking your pee," Pinkie confessed, looking down at the ground to avoid eye contact with one very ill-tempered unicorn, whose frown had reached it's peak of frustration.

"How?!" Twilight violently erupted, "How have you been drinking my pee, Pinkie?!"

"Late at night, I... I sneak into your room while you're sleeping...and I hook up a little catheter and I... I just suck it right out." Pinkie explained calmly, trying to meet Twilight's eyes that were now buried in the unicorn's hooves.

"...Why?!" Twilight indignantly asked.

"Cause if I don't do it, then who will?"

"Nopony! Hopefully!"

"Hey, look!" Pinkie smiled and pointed at the two glasses of pee in front of them. "When I was filling up your glass, I still had little more left over, so I gave myself some. See?"

"...That's messed up, Pinkie! I'm not gonna lie to you! This is scary! I am literally like scared right now for my safety!"

"Hey, let's roleplay! You can be my father and I'll be your daughter! I come home from school one day, I still got my backpack on, a lunch box in my mouth and a red baseball cap. I go into your office where you work, but you're not working, you're laying on your desk with your nethers fully exposed. You tell me that I've been a bad girl and that it's time for me to be punished. So then we start sixty-nining while standing up!"

Twilight Sparkle shook her head in disbelief, staring at her pony before her who had no doubt lost her freaking mind.

"And then there's this amazing moment, where I put my hooves out and you put your hooves out and then we do cartwheels! While sixty-nining each other!"

"You are insane, Pinkie!"

"What? I'm just trying to keep the excitement in our friendship!" Pinkie cried out sadly, anguish over her friend's lack of enthusiasm.

"Get out! Leave!" Twilight raised her voice in anger, hinting her hoof at the door.

"But—"

"Get out!"

"Why?" Pinkie asked in confusion at Twilight's remarkable behavior.

"We are not best friends anymore, okay?! You were great and all up until the moment when you started trying to have sex with me!"

"Fine. I'll just ask Rainbow Dash to drink my pee. She already has!" Pinkie stated, uninfluenced by Twilight's outburst.

"Go, Pinkie!"

"I didn't have to force her or trick her or anything. She just did it!"

"Great! I am happy for Rainbow Dash! That is spectacular for the both of you!" Twilight sarcastically roared out, not caring an ounce about Pinkie's pee drinking escapades.

"You look jealous. Are you jealous?"

Twilight sighed exasperatedly, "...No!"

"You're jealous because I asked Rainbow Dash to drink my pee first, aren't you?"

"Uh-uh," Twilight replied, shaking her head in disagreement.

"You're thinking.. 'Why wasn't I invited to that? I would have drunk, Rainbow's and Pinkie's pee!' That's what you're saying," Pinkie explained, sneering proudly at her own perfect theory, "You're jealous...and angry."

"...You are out of your freaking mind."

"We should combined all three of our pees! And form one mega glass! Of piss!" Pinkie enthusiastically continued. "And then put three straws in it and drink out of it at the same time!"

Twilight sighed in defeat and shook her head, "...I don't wanna do that, Pinkie."

"Look how dark yellow it is!" Pinkie said, hypnotized by the warm color beaming from two glasses before them. "I was a little dehydrated... But it will hydrate you!" Pinkie smiled, giving Twilight a wink.

"...Leave," Twilight said rigorously.

"So that's it?"

"Uh-Huh! Yeah! Go!" Twilight declared, showing Pinkie the door for the billionth time.

"Okay! I'm leaving," Pinkie shrugged, getting up from the desk.

"That's fine!"

"No more, Pinkie. You're not gonna be seeing this pretty face anymore," Pinkie stated unperturbed, opening Twilight's front door.

"Thank god! And don't show up with anymore of your pee!"

"Fine," Pinkie replied. "More pee for Rainbow Dash!"

The pink earth pony closed the door behind her leaving Twilight Sparkle alone at last. The unicorn sighed deeply in exhaustion after continuous shouting and shenanigans. She peeked at the two glasses that stood before her before shooting a few quick gazes around the room.

No predators in sight...

She picked up a glass, slowly caressing it's rim against her lips before carefully beginning to gulp it's salty content. The golden liquid was still warm as it slowly ran down her throat, resting itself at the bottom of her stomach.

The glass soon became empty and Twilight felt the remaining drops drip down on her tongue as she licked her lips, taking one last deep breath of content before the sour taste in her mouth began to disintegrated.

She returned the empty glass to the table and took another quick gaze around the room as she snapped back to reality.

She was home free.

Twilight Sparkle picked up her quill, carefully looking over her books and papers, picking up where she had left off. The unicorn carried on with her studies as the moonlight carefully caressed the crown of Ponyville's library in the dusk of the evening.

The end.