I'm Not One For Conversation
And I'm Sure There's A Good Reason.
Starlight Glimmer, reformed evil dictator and powerful, near-alicorn-level-magic unicorn, was now a mere pony relearning everything she thought she ever knew. Oh, and she was the protégé of The Twilight Sparkle, Princess Twilight Sparkle, the actual Princess of Friendship. She had no idea how to feel about that other than incredibly ashamed. She, of all ponies, was chosen to live in the Castle of Friendship for FREE. There was not a single way she could get out of it, either, so her best bet was just to avoid anypony until she felt comfortable. Which probably wouldn't be for a few years, perhaps.
Starlight, with a sigh, walked around the castle with her eyes shut, hoping she was able to locate her way around more easily with closed eyes. After bumping into walls a few dozen times, her head started to hurt and she felt rather lost. With a groan, she opened her eyes to just start guessing which door led to the guest room. It was the guest room, but Princess Twilight said she could keep the room forever. It was a bit suspicious, because who would let a pony like her, one who created a fake utopia, proved to be a far too powerful dystopian, and almost destroyed Equestria while trying just to destroy a princess, live in their house for free? The Princess who, alongside her great dragon, almost got intentionally destroyed by the pony who she let stay in her castle, that's who. She thought it was all too good to be true.
She shook her head of the thoughts, realizing she could continue her tangent after she found a room she could think in. Peering into the one closest to her right, she saw a big, luxurious bedroom. She had no idea whose it was, or whether or not
they'd mind if she'd be in their room, but she stepped inside anyways. She sat down by the window of the room and looked out. Ponies were there, playing with one another, and they make her feel terrible, as she knew she would never feel that happy in the state she was currently in.
She sighed and buried her head in her hooves. She shook a bit. It was a small movement, but she was undeniably moving. Crying, perhaps. Her sobs became wetter and she took louder gasps of air.
I peered through the doorway, feeling extremely sorry for her, and walked inside the room. I didn't even realize that Twilight followed me in. I sat down besides her, and Twilight sat on the opposite side of her, wrapping a wing around her. She felt it and slowly turned to face Twilight. She didn't say anything, just glared at Twilight with tears that made her eyes sparkle.
After a few moments of silence, Twilight decided to speak up. "Are you alright?" No response.
"Uh, what are you doing in my room?" That made her look away, ashamed. I want to supply that she was only wandering around the castle, lost, needing a place to pour out her thoughts, but I don't want to interrupt the stillness of the room.
Twilight waits for an answer, and I do too, but she never hints at it even once. She just stays quiet and repentant. "Okay, nevermind that. Why were you crying?" She knows the answer, but she wants Starlight to just let out her emotions. Instead, she covers her already hidden face, which flushes. I'm not sure if this is right, but I think she's crying even more.
She's scared to push it even further, so she lets me do the talking. Honestly, though, I'm just as scared as she is. Only worse. "Uh, it's alright, Starlight. You don't have to talk right now. We were just concerned."
"Not to mention," she jumps in, "wondering why you were staying quiet for so long. I don't think you've talked since two days ago, when you were spending time with everypony and apologizing to your village."
"Huh," I consider. "That's a long time to just stay quiet."
Twilight nods. "And, I was hoping you could maybe explain to me why? Or if not, just say something to let me know you're alright? Come on, it's not that hard. We care about you, you know. Just come out and have dinner or something. We can go out to Fluttershy's so you can be where it's nice and quiet."
I lock my gaze with Twilight, making her stop, and start, "Whatever you want, Starlight. I won't push it; it's a lot to ask for. Take your time, we just want you to be alright."
Twilight isn't as patient as me, though. She wants Starlight to be better, and fast. "Starlight, please. I want you to speak up. Let me know what's bothering you, speak your heart out. Just... say something. Please?"
"Shut up, Twilight! I'm a big pyschopath and I just can't talk to anypony right now. Or ever, for that mater." She whisper screams it all, probably because she's been so quiet for so long and isn't used to speaking.. Either way, it comes as such a shock to me and Twilight, mostly because she jumped to say "shut up." She realizes it, too, after a few seconds. She clamps her mouth shut and shakes her head in shame. She covers her face and turns away form us both. I think she's feeling guilty about saying that to somepony of such a high honor.
"Yes, that's a good start," Twilight pushes. "Maybe explain why you feel this way?"
Starlight shakes her head vigorously and bursts into silent tears. I stare at her and understand that she just wants to be left alone, that she hates how she had to be reformed, while still being grateful for it at the same time. She just needed some time to think over her choices and make up for them, as well.
Now, how do I know all this, you ask? Well, it seems she can pour out her feelings through magic, therefore allowing ponies, and also dragons like me, to understand precisely what she is feeling. It's both efficient and somewhat annoying, because not everypony wants to hear her thoughts just like that. But I'm glad she's proficient enough in magic to cast that spell, or else it would've been hard for Twilight and I to understand her. Honestly, I don't know whether or not she knows she is casting the spell, but I'm hoping she's feeling better after her thoughts finally leaked out.
Since Starlight refuses to talk, Twilight gave her a quill and a paper to draw and/or write what she was feeling. After a few minutes, a beautiful sketch became visible. It showed one pony and her reflection. Starlight, holding a broom, seemed scared and remorseful. Starlight from the past, with her evil look, was holding the Staff of Sameness.
Twilight winces at seeing the picture. "Let's try not to think negative thoughts, okay?" I roll my eyes and she nods, ashamed as usual.
We walk towards the exit of the castle, knowing we should probably head to Fluttershy's, like Twilight suggested earlier. Fluttershy is great at understanding quietness, just being kind, and we're sure she can help Starlight. As Starlight has cracks between her breaths, Twilight strokes her back gently with her wing. She consoles her through soft whispers, as anypony would a filly who desperately needed to be soothed. Which, though Starlight isn't a filly, is partially true.
Through her mind, and in real life, she shows her hesitance for leaving the castle. After a little while, we arrive at Fluttershy's cottage and allowed Starlight to spend time with her. Fluttershy, as quick as Rainbow Dash, set up a nature picnic with her animal friends. I think it helped Starlight relax, because she laughed a little when she hugged Angel Bunny.
After the picnic, she finally spoke again. It was quiet, quieter than Fluttershy when she and Twilight first met, but it was still incredibly clear to all of us. "Thanks... for this."
Twilight and I smile at each other, and then turn back to Fluttershy. She smiles and winks. "No problem, Starlight. You're welcome to come and experience the serenity of my cottage whenever you like."
Starlight smiles. She nods at me and Twilight and we wave goodbye to Fluttershy and her animals as we head back towards the castle. "So, Starlight, are you feeling any better?" I ask her as we watch the sun set.
She nods. "Still quiet... but... better."
"Ah, well there's an improvement," Twilight said. "So, I know you're still penitant, but try not to think too much of it, alright? It hurts you more than it does you any good. Move on from it and think instead about what you can do to be better!"
Starlight nods again, and stays quiet for a bit. No doubt she's thinking of the past. After we guide Starlight to her room, I ask Twilight, "Don't you think this was all a bit much to throw at her all at once?"
She shakes her head, but then nods. "It's a lot, I know that, but it's what she needs, as well. I just thought she'd be happier about this all."
I rest a claw on her shoulder. "It's not that, Twilight. She is really grateful, she just needs some time to get over past trauma." Twilight nods and smiles.
"Thanks, Spike. Good night, now." As she heads to bed, I wave and watch her disappear behind a crystal wall. I turn to see Starlight's bedroom, door and decide to go in.
She's sitting on the bed wide-eyed, hugging a pillow and crying into it. I walk over to her and sit down on her bed. "Hey. I'm not willing to see you this way, and I'm sure Twilight wouldn't be, either. Do you want to talk and get over some things?"
Reluctantly, she nods. "I'm just guilty, is all. I mean, you already know all the bad things I've done. Not only that, but I've done even more bad things after reforming."
"Like what?" I ask, confused.
"Oh, you know," she sighs, "disrespecting a princess... making her feel unappreciated. And after all she's done for me? It's... not the best feeling in the world."
I nod and put a claw on her shoulder, like I've done for Twilight so many times. "Just... Like Twilight said, try and get over it. Calm down a bit, maybe. Do you like drawing?" She nods, and I smile. "Then just relax and draw your feelings. If they're good, keep them. If they're negative thoughts, scrap them."
She grins, and I automatically know it's a good idea. "Here's a few pieces of paper and two quills in case you can't sleep tonight. See you tomorrow, Starlight. Feeling better, I hope."
"Thanks to you, Spike. I'm sure I will be."
I don't hear any strange pauses in between her words, and smile at that. As I exit and close her door, I hear scribbling on paper and giggle. Like I said, I hope she feels better.
